03x02 - Dances with Ignorance/Girl Power

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

Who's that girl? What's her name?
Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about, what's her name?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?
Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool? Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade
Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

MALE VOICE: Who?

FEMALE VOICE:
Is that that girl from gym class?

-MOOSE: No, that's me.
-FEMALE VOICE 1: Oh...

FEMALE VOICE 2: Who is she,
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

-She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!
-Oh, cool! Maracas!

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

[THEME MUSIC ENDS]

[MELODIOUS MUSIC PLAYS]

MR. SHERMAN:
America, the great Melting-Pot.

Hundreds of different cultures
bo... bubbling together

like cheese on a hot plate,
to form a single great nation.

Each of you will research
one nationality of your family heritage,

and then I want you to "bust a hype"
presentation for the class.

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised
by the variety of ethnic spices we have

in our very own little melting pot.

My family can be traced back
hundreds of years

to the Kānaka Maoli people
of the Hawaiian archipelago.

Ze Lederhosen lineage
is descended from ze Bavarian royalty.

You might say
we are ze "Bavarian cream" of the crop.

We are 100 percent African-American!

Uh... I think my family
is from Cleveland maybe?

I've never told you
about our family history, Peppie?

Shame on me.

Your Great Uncle Mihran immigrated here
from the old country in 1915,

-barely escaping the persecution of...
-Boring.

Isn't there something
in here a little more exotic?

Well, this is only our recent history.

I know your Grandparents have traced
the Lilly family back centuries.

GRANDPA LEO: This is it.
The life-sized Lilly family tree.

-Whoa! Am I up there?
-You betcha! Branch nine, twig 42.

As you can see,
the tree dates back to the early 1300s,

and is comprised of four main trunks.

English, Belgian, Polish, and Russian.

Each plaque represents100s of years of...

There's gotta be something up here
more exciting than that!

Isn't there a chance
that one of our ancestors' DNA

was fused with extraterrestrials?

Didn't your Aunt Gertrude
have an extra thumb on her left hand?

Gertie could type like nobody's business.

Whoa! Oh! [SCREAMS]

Hey, what's this?

Uh. Well, you see, Peppie, um,
after your parents' divorce, uh...

Well, we, uh...

It's your father's side of the family.

-[ENGINE WHIRS]
-CHUCK: I'm sorry, Pepper Ann.

All I really know
is that my father was British,

and my mother's side of the family
originally came from Spain.

And you don't have any clue beyond that?

Well, now wait a second.
There is something.

My mother gave it to me. It was
passed down on her side of the family

from your great, great grandmother

-who was a Navajo.
-Wow.

I never knew much about her.
All I know is that I'm one-eighth Navajo,

so I guess that makes you one-sixteenth
American Indian, Pepper Ann.

You mean I'm a real-life Indian? Cool!

NICKY: For my presentation,
I will be tracing the religious struggles

of the Little family in Britain
from the early stages of Calvinism

through their pilgrimage
to the New World in the mid-18th century.

Check it out. I'm an Indian!
[MIMICS NATIVE INDIAN w*r CRY]

It's all set. Mom helped me
track down some real-life Navajos

living right here in Hazelnut.

They're coming over tonight
to help me with my report.

MILO: Ask them about their art
and craft techniques, P.A.

Navajo weaving is totally legendary.

The contributions
of all American Indian tribes

to our national culture
have been long overlooked.

[CHUCKLES]
Oh, I totally know what you mean.

Where would The Lone Ranger
have been without Tonto?

[GULPS]

Uh. Pepper Ann,
while your enthusiasm is commendable...

Maybe we should help you out
with your research.

Maybe-schmaybe! This girl needs help

more than the Donner party
needed a compass and a hot pizza!

P.A., check this,
the Navajo language is way complex.

And precise. There are over 30 ways
to say the word "wind" in Navajo.

After you knock the cavalry guys
off their horses,

you can press "Control, Alt, T"
to tomahawk them!

-[MIMICS NATIVE INDIAN w*r CRY]
-[BEEPS]

Mm, mm, mm.

The Navajo people
place incredible importance

on their children.

Newborn babies are welcomed into the tribe

with this cool blessing ritual
called a hozoniji.

Why must the pale ones
disrespect our good earth so?

Ta-da! What do you think? Should I go
with the village persons ensemble?

Or should I stick
with the Bland O'Lakes butter look?

I don't think you're ready
to meet with this Navajo family.

What are you talking about?

-This ensemble screams "Indian."
-NICKY: Pepper Ann!

You're basing all of this on stereotypes!

She's right, P.A.
Just because I'm Hawaiian,

you don't see me walking around
in a grass skirt, dancing the hula,

at least not often.

You cannot hope to understand
the special bond I share with my tribe.

Unlike you two, we paint
with all the colors of the wind.

Are you sure they're going
to want to eat all this?

-I mean, it is only September.
-Mom,

haven't you seen the pictures
of the first Thanksgiving?

This is the authentic food of my people.

But, Peppie, the American Indians
who participated in the first Thanksgiving

were Algonquians, not Navajos.

Shush! My people are close.
Ten, maybe fifteen minutes away.

-They're not due for another two hours.
-They're ten, maybe fifteen minutes away.

Peppie, this book doesn't say anything
about the Navajos using w*r drums.

Just keep banging
or it's back in the cradle board with you.

-You must be Pepper Ann.
-Hau!

No, don't tell me. Let me guess.
You must be something like Taming Bear.

Or He-Who-Shoots-Arrow-With-Big-Bow.

-[CHUCKLES] Am I close?
-Well, I'm Dave.

This is my mom and dad, Carol and Bob.

And the quiet one in the back
is my grandfather, Andy.

You know, not all American Indians
have American Indian names.

Just like not all Italian Americans
are named Vinnie or Vito.

I'm just glad you followed
my smoke signals.

I was afraid you might have been lost
driving around in your horseless carriage.

-[GASPS]
-[GASPS]

Uh. Actually, we just
downloaded directions from the internet.

Well, come in, come in.
My tepee is your tepee.

Actually, the traditional Navajo dwelling
is called a hogan,

-and it's built...
-[MIMICS NATIVE INDIAN w*r CRY]

This is my little sister, Moose.
You can call her "Running Moose,"

or "Jumping Moose,"
or "Vinnie" if you want.

That's my mom. And the cat over there
is Steve, my spirit guide.

Oh, I hope you're all hungry.

Of course they're hungry, Mom.

The White man has driven
the once plentiful buffalo herds

-from our plains.
-Never had buffalo.

Tried that ostrich meat once.
Supposed to be very low in fat.

Well, say, have you tried
that crab with a "K"?

You know, they say it's imitation,
but you would swear it's...

Hold it, wait. I've set up
our little pow-wow out back.

Peppie, I really don't think...

CAROL: Uh. Pepper Ann, your braided hair
looks like it might be Lakota.

Navajo men and women traditionally wear
their hair twisted into a chongo,

a figure-eight shaped...

Yeah. I was going
for a kind of Pocahontas thing,

but it sort of turned more
into Sporty Spice.

Pepper Ann, I think
you need to understand that...

-Who wants corn on the cob?
-Please excuse my pale face mother.

She means "maize."

Ah. Sure has been hot lately.

-Hot and dry.
-Now you're talking!

Who's up for a little rain dance?
[MIMICS NATIVE INDIAN w*r CRY]

Enough! Do you have any idea
how offensive this is to our culture?

I thought you invited us here
to learn about being Navajo.

Oh, totally.

I want to learn how to sneak up
on people without them hearing,

how to give gifts,
and take them right back again,

you know, all that good stuff.

-Everyone, the car. Now!
-What! What did I do?

Can't we just smoke-um
the peace pipe and talk this over?

I recognize your belt.

Both these Navajo Concha belts
were made by my great grandfather,

an ancestor we both share.
Unfortunately, that is all we share.

What happened? I thought I was just
learning about my background.

MOOSE: That's just it, Peppie.

You weren't interested in learning
anything. They barely got to talk.

All I wanted to do is show them
how much I knew about our culture

from stuff I picked up on TV,

and in the movies,
and from comic books, and...

Yes, but that's what
stereotyping is, Peppie,

even when it's done
with the best of intentions.

You can't believe things
about any group of people

without getting to know them first.

Um. I'm sorry to bother you, but, uh...

I guess I owe you all an apology.

What's she doing here?
Tell Poca-moronus to hit the bricks

-or I'll...
-I respect you for coming here.

And I believe
that your intentions are good.

But the best way to learn about any people
is to drop your preconceived notions

and approach them
with an open mind and heart.

Whoa! Are you like
the wise Medicine Man of your tribe?

[CHUCKLES] You're thinking
only in stereotypes again, my friend.

I was a corporate lawyer for 20 years.

Come on, sit down. We ordered Chinese.

There are over 300 federally recognized
American Indian tribes in North America,

and each one has its own
distinctive culture and heritage.

The name "Navajo" was given to our people
by the Spanish missionaries.

We call ourselves Dineh.
The Old Navajo land, the Dinétah,

stretched from what is now Colorado
through New Mexico, and into Arizona.

It is believed that the earliest Dineh
may have migrated to this land

from the North over 1200 years ago.

And then during World w*r II,
the Navajo language was used

as a code for the U.S. Navy
in the South Pacific,

and was never broken.

Today, the Navajo nation is one
of the largest American Indian tribes

in the United States.

And I'm proud that my heritage
includes a people

who were some of the original ingredients
to our great American Melting-Pot.

[ALL CHEER, APPLAUD]

[SOFT MUSIC ENDS]

MOOSE: Your plans to unite
the splintered tribes of humanity

have failed, Tundra Woman.
Join me or die.

Forget you, Ice Thoron.

Your evil ways must be stopped
once and for all.

Have mercy on me, Tundra Woman.
I beg you! [MIMICS SOBBING]

[SCOFFS] Get up.
Leave the craggy ravines of Cascadia,

and never show your face
around here again, you big coward.

-Thank you, Tundra Woman! You're the best!
-LYDIA: Moose, time for Cheesy Mac dinner!

-Did you save the can?
-LYDIA: Mm-hmm.

None of those macaronis
look like Tundra Woman.

Do too.

This one looks like
Tundra Woman in battle gear,

-and this one looks like the Ice Speeder.
-See, these all look like Fuzzy!

Fuzzy cowboy, Fuzzy spaceman,
Fuzzy matador.

Fuzzy's just a blob.

Well, don't feel bad, girls.

My macaroni looks nothing
like Tom Selleck.

[GASPS] Did something
get lodged in your throat?

Peppie, call 911. Moose, are you okay?
Do you need the Heimlich?

Oh, for heaven's sake,
Moose, what's the problem?

This is the day I've been waiting
for my whole life.

"Hey, kids! Watch my new cartoon
at 6:00 a.m. on Channel 96 next Saturday!"

They canceled 101 Mutations?

Tundra Woman will be better
than that tired, old show.

Are you kidding? The madcap adventures
of a bunch of radioactive puppies

living on the rim of Mount Pinatubo?

[SIGHS] It just doesn't get
any better than that.

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV]

Do you really need all that stuff
just to watch the cartoon?

Yes. Should Station Igloo go
over here or over there?

-[TUNDRA WOMAN THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
-[GASPS]

-What's wrong with Tundra Woman's hair?
-Uh. Cartoons.

Pengy, I'm like, totally bored.

There's just nothing to do
in this stupid ice world.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

-Uh-huh.
-Ice mall!

-There's a mall in Cascadia?
-It must be a trap Ice Thoron set.

-[CHUCKLES] Whaddya think?
-[HOOTS]

-ICE THORON: Tundra Woman.
-[GASPS]

Finally, Ice Thoron! Maybe now we'll get
some action around here.

-Ice Thoron.
-Uh-oh.

Like, why haven't you called me?

Yo, yo, yo, baby! What's up?
What's up? I been, you know, busy.

Yo, wanna get a blubber burger?

-Word.
-Okay!

We can take my Dream Speeder.
I'll even let you drive, boy! [CHUCKLES]

This isn't happening.
This isn't happening.

This isn't happening.
This isn't happening.

This isn't happening.
This isn't happening.

[CUTLERY CLATTERING]

What's the matter, Moosie-goosie?
Oh, look, I got your nose! [CHUCKLES]

-You can keep it.
-She's just upset

about the Tundra Woman cartoon
this morning.

[CHUCKLES] Ooh!
It sure stunk up the joint.

Shut it, Peppie.

Moose, you are not
to tell your sister to "shut it."

-Now, what's gotten into you?
-Tundra Woman doesn't shop.

She doesn't date Ice Thoron.

And her motto isn't, "If you can get
a boy to do it, don't do it yourself."

Tundra Woman said that?

Yup. Right before she had Pengy,
the friendly penguin

French braid her hair
for the Ice Cotillion. [CHUCKLES]

It was kind of funny,
'cause he's got no fingers.

-Will you excuse me, please?
-[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

-[DIAL PAD BEEPING]
-LYDIA: Janie, it's me.

Listen, we have got
a major code pink here.

I repeat, Code Pink!

-[PHONE RINGING]
-[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPING]

SECRETARY: Larry, I think
you better look outside. Now!

LARRY: What do we do?

A mob of angry women like that
could tear this place to pieces.

-There's only one thing we can do.
-Boiling oil?

Do you really think this'll work?

Pepper Ann, if we do nothing,

then thousands
of little girls could grow up

idolizing the shallow stereotypes
these peddlers are glorifying!

Why don't we just go talk to them?
I mean, we haven't even tried.

[LAUGHS] Oh, sweet, naive little Moose.

These evil corporate types
get their jollies

from sweeping activists like us

-under the...
-LARRY: Welcome, ladies!

We're completely sensitive
to your feelings, and want to do anything

in our power to resolve this issue.
Kiwi kebab?

-Well, what can we do for you today?
-Got any more of these lychee nuts?

You ruined Tundra Woman.
She's supposed to be uniting the...

What my daughter means

is that your version of Tundra Woman
is a bad role model.

She spends all her time shopping,
and getting her hair done.

What's wrong with shopping?

Well, how are we supposed
to raise strong daughters

when the only role models
they're presented with

spend all their time sharing
beauty secrets and chasing boys?

But our research clearly shows

that little girls enjoy
watching cartoon heroines

that like to shop,
and wear lots of glitter nail polish.

That can't be true. I know lots
of girls who don't want to see that.

Look, we did extensive polling
of area beauty salons. Numbers don't lie.

Until someone proves otherwise,
Tundra Woman keeps on primping.

Don't feel bad little child.

Here, take a Tundra Woman
Twinkle Travel Tote, on us.

Nobody understands you.

-You understand me, Moose.
-Tundra Woman?

It's so humiliating.

They wouldn't make Superman sing
a song about mascara, would they?

Moose, you are the only one
who can defend me.

There are others out there
who feel the way you do.

Go out, Moose, and find them.

-[DEVICE BEEPS]
-Oh, gotta go.

Ice Thoron's on the loose again,
and he's picking on Prairie Patti.

I'm gonna knock him into next week!
That's right, buddy, I'm comin' for you!

[UPBEAT MUSIC ENDS]

This weekend I watched
the new Tundra Woman cartoon.

Instead of defending the planet,
she went to the mall.

This is not the Tundra Woman
we know and love.

Channel 96 thinks
that girls only want to watch shows

about makeup and hair styling.

I think Tundra Woman has meant
a lot to every person in this audience,

whether boy or girl, woman or man.

We can't sit by while her good name
is dragged through the mud!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

-[MOB CLAMORING]
-[ROCKS CLATTERING]

We're here for Tundra Woman.

When I was a little girl, I loved
to read the Tundra Woman comic books.

Tundra Woman's desire
to help her community

made me want to follow in her footsteps.

Tundra Woman's genius
in the realm of chemistry and physics

inspired me to pass on a legacy
of learning to other children.

Yeah! And her chutzpah
against the ice troopers

made me want to join
the military, and fight injustice.

See? Even before she was on TV,

Tundra Woman was making
a difference in people's lives.

The real Tundra Woman, not the air-headed,
lame-o you guys came up with.

-[ALL CHEER]
-[PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYS]

-The public has spoken. Call the writers!
-Uh. They're sleeping, sir. [CHUCKLES]

It's only noon.

Oh... [SIGHS] ...can't they just
put cartoons on at a decent hour?

We should all be very proud.
This is a moment of triumph for humanity,

and it's all due to the efforts
of our little Moose here.

-PEPPER ANN: All right!
-MAN: Speech. Speech.

-Come on, Moose!
-Thanks, but I didn't do it for applause.

I did it for Tundra Woman.

NARRATOR: In the year 2024,
a gigantic meteor of unknown origin

hurtles through space,
and collides with the Earth.

The ensuing ice age
advances with such rapidity

that whole civilizations
are buried in a perpetual blizzard.

A new breed of human is born.

-[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
-[GRUNTS, EXHALES]

-[BURPS]
-Oh! Oh, my.

[HUMS, CHUCKLES]

[HOWLS]

-[GRUNTING]
-[YETI GROANING]

-[GASPS]
-[GASPS]

I don't get it.
The Yeti didn't do anything to her.

That's why you're better off
with the Fuzzy cartoon.

Classic, simple, foolproof.

[MIMICS GROWLING, CHUCKLES]
Little girl, I love you!

-The ratings have doubled!
-Leave my daughter alone, you fiend!

What you've done is a travesty!

But everyone loves the new Tundra Woman.
She's mean, she's tough, she kicks bootay!

-LYDIA: Shut up.
-She slaughters baby seals!

She's cold! She needs the blubber!

This cartoon wasn't even close
to the real Tundra Woman.

My daughter is right.

The Tundra Woman you've created
isn't like any real woman.

I mean, real women don't traipse around,
k*lling everything in sight!

And those biceps... Just one more second,
sweetie. Give her a pear-shaped figure.

-Now, that would be realistic.
-But that's not Tundra Woman either!

And stay with me here.

You could even make her
a single working mom, huh?

No! Tundra Woman isn't my hero
'cause she's a woman.

She's my hero
'cause she's courageous and selfless.

That's all anyone needs to be a hero.

It doesn't matter
if they're a man or a woman.

The kid's right! Wake the writers!

ANNOUNCER:
Tundra Woman has been canceled.

-Huh?
-ANNOUNCER: But don't worry,

we've got a rad, new show in its place!

NARRATOR:
In outer space, no one can hear you...

SKATE BOT: Skate!

I guess they decided to make a hero
that wasn't a man or a woman.

I let Tundra Woman down...
[SIGHS] ...again.

Oh, you didn't let anybody down.
By fighting for what you believed in,

you proved
that you are courageous and selfless.

Sounds like someone else we know.

Moose, I'd be proud to share
my frozen tundra with you.

Keep it down, you guys,
this show's awesome!

-But your sister...
-[LAUGHS]

...yep, she's a freak.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

[THEME MUSIC ENDS]