01x07 - Dungeons and Ducks

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

♪ On the road to glory ♪

♪ Ain't no turning back ♪

♪ It's got to be
the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ On a quack attack! ♪

♪ Look out, clear the way ♪

♪ The Ducks
are here to play! ♪

♪ Ducks rock! ♪

[fans cheering]

[c.speakerTop]♪ Ducks rock! ♪

♪ Mighty Ducks! ♪

♪ Here come the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ Burning up the ice! ♪

♪ Just try and stop
the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ And you're gonna
pay the price! ♪

♪ Here come the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ Fighting for the gold! ♪

♪ Let's hear it
for the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ Time to rock and roll! ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Let's go! ♪

♪ Ducks rock! ♪

♪ Mighty Ducks!
Ducks rock! ♪

♪ Let's hear it
for the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ Mighty Ducks! ♪

[announcer] Welcome to the show

that reveals
the shocking truth

beneath the sleazy underbelly
of professional sports,

The Smithfit.

Good evening,
this is Carl Smith Speaking.

The antics of the Mighty Ducks

have offended
many hockey purists

and last Saturday,
they became the first

Major League team in memory

to fail to show up for a game.

These freeloading fowls

who are enjoying
the hospitality

of our fair planet are nothing
but a bunch of cowards.

And if these yellow-bellied
ducks actually show up

for tomorrow's game against
the Minnesota Cheese Logs,

I'll eat an old boot!

I am so hurt!
That does it, man

This jerk does not get to be
a charted member

of our fan club.
Forget it buddy!

[sighs] The only reason
we missed that game

was because we happened to be
saving the world.

[Grin] No.

In the words of hockey master,
Tai Quack Do:

We blew it.

[sighs] Grin's right.

Losing by forfeit
is humiliating.

As long as I'm captain
of this team,

we'll never miss another game.

Guys, it's Dragaunus's ship

After Dragaunus kept it hidden
all these months, how?

Maybe it's cloaking device
malfunctioned.

Or we could be falling for
the old trap-a-reno.

Or even if it is a trap,
we gotta check it out.

[siren beeps]

If we can capture Dragaunus,

we'll have completed
our mission.

[beeping]

That big, triangular building.
It's the Raptor.

I don't like this.

They're making it a little
too easy for us, you know?

D-oh! I think the difficulty
factor just went up a notch.

Here's an oldie but goodie!

Straight out of
a Hedgeman scene!

Eyes After Duck!

♪ Eyes of the duck♪

♪ Eyes of the duck ♪

[exclaims]

Say what you will but that guy
has a way with the ballet.

Can I help?

Could you maybe,
hop into that drug store

and get me some for,
uh-- headache.

[Dragaunus laughs]

Now, ducks! I've got you

by the tail-feathers.

What in the--

It's a dimensional gateway!

[all shout]

Come on, let's go.

I'll get you, my pretty,

and your little ducks too.
[laughs]

I'd love to play Twister
but this is ridiculous!

It worked!

Those ducks
went down the drain.

Straight into
another dimension.

They're gone forever!

And from now on,
the show's gonna be called

The Mighty Sorry-ians.
[laughs]

[groans]

Now, to relocate the Raptor

and begin my conquest
of this planet.

Bummer.

[thud]

[Mallory] Oh, what happened?
Where are we?

Exactly where we were.

But that's not possible.

I mean, we were blown
through the dimensional portal.

We maybe went to
a different universe.

[Wildwing]
It's different all right.

The Raptor's gone,
for one thing
and the Migrators are gone too.

[Mallory] Yeah, so is Grin.

But everything's the same.
Even that drug... store?

"Spells and potions."

[Mallory]
Someone's pulling our tails.

Man!

Do I ever get the feeling

that we are not
in Kansas anymore.

Uh... pardon me, but...

W-- what are you?

What? You don't know a gnome
when you see one?

Uh, look, where are we?

Where are we, Anaheim,
where else?

A once proud kingdom
now under the heel

of the vile sorcerer Asteroth.
It disgusts me just to say it.

But, uh,
don't let it get around
that I called him that,

all right?

Now, can I interest you
in some nice bat-wings,

little eye of newt, maybe?

Uh, we're just gonna browse.
[laughs]

[voice-over] You've got so much
to do around the lair.

Casting spells, placing curses
on annoying neighbors.

It isn't easy making sure
your spawn

gets the good
nutrition he needs!

Sophie the old little
homunculus dragon-flakes.

Yes, dragon-flakes contain
maggots, warm larvae,

Riboflavin and Niacin
for healthy bones!

[Nosedive] Whoa!
This is blowing my mind

Daddy o' mine.

Could somebody please explain

what is going on around here?

Oh, yeah, it's obvious.

We came to Anaheim
from another dimension, right?

I know, I saw that episode.
Go on.

So, we've been sent to
a totally different dimension.

A dimension
that's ruled by magic.

Sorcery, adventure...
Oh, yeah!

This is my kind of town, baby.

Well, get used to it.

'Cause I don't see how we're
ever gonna get out.

[distant grunting]

Ha! Your thunderbolts
don't frighten me.

[Nosedive] Hey, you big weirdo!

Quit picking on
that little weirdo.

Foul creature, be gone!

[shrieks]

What! Asteroth sends more
bird-creatures to capture me?

Ha! Can't he think
of something original?

Whoa! Hey, man.

Hey, take it easy.

You could put someone's
eye out with that thing.

I should know.

You appear to be
malevolent creatures.

Yeah well, looks can be
deceiving, you know?

We are friends to anyone
who struggles for a good cause.

I've always wanted to say that.

[chuckles] Well then, friend.
I'm glad to see you.

I am Borg,
Prince-Regent of Anaheim.

Now, please, this way.

It is not safe for me
to linger around in the open.

My kingdom is being usurped
by Asteroth,

Lord of the Red Dragon.

He enslaved the people.

Made my palace
a citadel of evil.

And sent monsters
to hunt me down.

Man, a thing like that could
spoil your whole day.

But what of you?
How came you to Anaheim?

I'm glad you asked.

Well, we were in battle
with an evil overlord

when a magical whirlwind
picked us up

and carried us across
the skies to your land.

And frankly,

we could use a little help
getting back to our own world.

Friends, perhaps we can
help one another.

How, Your Highness?

The source of Asteroth's power
is his amulet.

Help me defeat him and it can
return you to your world.

Your Highness, it's a deal.

Where the heck are the others?
You got a game tonight.

They're in the other dimension.

Oh, thank heavens,
for a moment I--

What? Five-sixth of my team
is missing?

Wildwing promised we wouldn't
miss another game.

Kid, a verbal contract
isn't worth the paper
it's printed on.

We've got to do something.

Now, how do you work
this jumbo laptop?

-[Grin] Beats me.
-[Phil snarls] Don't tempt me.

[computer beeps]

[Grin]
This might take a little time.

Behold, the Royal Palace
of Anaheim.

[Mallory] It's the City Hall!

[Tanya]
I guess in this dimension,

it's the Royal Palace.

[Borg] I know all
the secret passageways.

There's just one thing I've
never been able to get past.

-What?
-Them!

Whoa! Now I know why they say
you can't fight City Hall!

[Wildwing]
What are those things?

[Borg] My royal guard.

But Asteroth turned every one
of them into a homunculus.

A creature of evil.

Those grunts don't
look so tough.

Take that!

[screeching]

Sorry guys, all flights are
grounded till further notice.

[Borg] Well done, my friends!

Follow me.

Ooh, interesting decor.

Ah! We're being attacked
by giant lizards!

Okay, we got
the broadcast tower.

Then prepare to deploy
the shock wave.

We gotta get that thing

all the way up there?

Have fun, sunny.

The old bursitis is kicking up.

Quit fooling around
and turn into something useful.

All right, let's pump
some high technology,

you puny girly lizard.

Oh, I can see this
is gonna be a long night.

We must face many powers before
we reach Asteroth's stronghold.

Eh, you're just saying that
to cheer us up, right?

[Asteroth laughs]

So Borg, you and your
strange new allies

seek to enter my stronghold.

You'll find that's
not an easy task.

The bones of those
I have defeated.

Arise, my vanquished ones

and destroy these intruders!

Argh! This stupid thing!

I think it just spun out all
the information super highway.

Material things
are nothing but trouble.

Speaking of trouble,
come on you pile of junk!

Tell me what to do.

[beeping]

[computer]
Press the red button.

That's more like it.

Something's going on downtown.
We gotta check it out.

Why?

'Cause my franchise
is in another dimension

and this could be a clue!

Now get with the program, Grin!

Okay, stay cool, Phil.

Wildwing said he wouldn't
miss tonight's game.

[Phil sighs] You're way
too trusting, kid.

There's a short cut
through here.

[Tanya]
The city council chamber.

Aye, where the council
of the wise used to convene.

But it hasn't been used
since Asteroth's conquest.

[Nosedive] Whoa! Heads up!

I'm guessing Asteroth has a few
skeletons in his closet, huh?

Let's rock, Ducks!

Oh, that's one way
to get ahead.
[chuckles]

Did anyone ever tell you you've
got fabulous bone structure?

Bon voyage.[laughs]

Do excuse the pun.

[laughter]

Right in the funny bone.
[laughs]

Coast is clear.

Whoa! Except for him.

You got a spare puck Wildwing?

[grunts]

Anybody got
any more b*mb-jokes?

No? Let's move on.

Now, my friends,
only one thing stands

between us
and Asteroth's stronghold.

The maze of infinite peril.

Yeah, every government building
should have it's own

maze of infinite peril.

Yeah, probably used
to be the DMV.

[Seige grunts]

There, it's installed.

Give me the power cable.

What power cable?

I told you to bring
the power cable up with us.

-Did not!
-Did do!

Oh, shut up!

We'll have to get it, come on.

Did not.

[rock music playing]

Look out!
Somebody swiped my guts

and I'm just itching
for a fight.

You were saying?

[nervous laughter]
Nothing babes.

You can swipe my guts,
it's all right.

The gateway must have
missed that duck.

Well, I won't miss him.

[both groan]

Kid, I got us
in a binding contract.

[Mallory]
Wildwing, we're getting
more lost by the second.

Forgive me, my friends.
My magic isn't powerful enough

to get us through the maze.

Mine is.

[electronic beeps]

That way.

We're almost there.

All right, give it up
for the Ducks!

So, you survived the journey
to my stronghold.

That old geezer is Asteroth?

Hah! This won't even be
a skirmish.

No one challenges
the lord of the red dragon

and lives.

Now, there's a guy who's been
eating his dragon-flakes.

Uh, guys, we may have to change
the name of the team.

-To what?
-[Tanya] Ghost!

Wretched mortals!

You'll perish in the fire
of the red dragon.

-Time for a mass body check.
-I'm with you, my friends.

[all grunt]

You'll pay for this!

Do you take personal checks?

[Dragon roars]

The pendant's the key
to his power.

But how're we gonna get it?

How about a little fire?

Maybe we should
get some marshmallows

and make the best of it, huh?

Hey... Hey,
what's the one thing

a fire breathing dragon
would fear?

The Fire Marshall?

Yeah, Smokey the bear?

His ex-wife and her lawyer?

Those were all very good,
but no. Water!

Yeah if we can keep him pinned
in with those fire hydrants,

I think I can get the amulet.

Okay, it's powered up

but you should
check your brakes
in a thousand miles.

Oh, and don't forget to flush.

Quit clowning and get moving!

Those two will have
a ring side view of the action.

When the shock-wave

brings this whole stinking town
down on their heads.

[pulsating noise]

Talk about bad vibes.

Mortals!

Now, Wildwing!

Water! No!

I've got you now.

Wretched vermin!
Get off me.

My pendant! No!

Got it!

What a world!

What a world!

[Borg] Now, sorcerer.
You have no power.

Be gone!

You have won this time,
princeling.

But you've not heard
the last of us still.

I don't care what anyone says,
that guy is a one-man-party.

The tyrant is banished.

Anaheim is free again.

Oh, my friends,
how can I ever thank you?

You can get us out of here.

This place is rid-city!

Easily done!
You must all touch the amulet

and speak the incantation,
which--

Don't tell me,
there's no place like home.

How did you know?

I own the video.

[Wildwing] You know,
after all that excitement,

our Anaheim will seem
downright boring.

[all grunt]

[rumbling]

In a few minutes,

we'll shake this city flat
and no ducks will stop us.

Time for a reality check,
creeps.

The Ducks are back!

[Mallory] And this time,
it's personal.

Oh man, I always wanted
to say that.

That thing'll shake
the city apart.

Guys, guys!
Don't forget your teammate

and your lovable manager!

Tanya, Mallory!
Shut that thing down.

[rumbling]

As I said in act 1,

Wildwing has returned.

It's too risky
to cut this cable.

I'll just have to locate the--

Forget it, Tanya.
Target acquired.

Any messages while
we were gone?

Oh, how did you get back?

With this thing.

We have to put it
somewhere safe.

You can use it as a puck
for all I care!

You guys got a game
in five minutes.

[fans booing]

As I predicted,

The Mighty Ducks have failed
to show up for tonight's game.

Apparently,
the seismic activity

scared the yellow-bellied
aliens off the ice.

And if we're lucky,
off our planet.

Oh, yeah?
Enjoy the flavor
of sole, buddy.

[crowd cheers]

[announcer] Here's the drop.

And the Ducks have it!

But Cheese Logs won it.

But Duke saves it.

Sorry, fellas. There will be
no forfeit tonight.

And the winning win by 1-0,

they save the same.

The Mighty Ducks are back!

[all] Ducks go!

[theme music playing]