Are You My Mommy? (2018)

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

don't worry I know what I'm doing

don't worry I know what I'm doing

don't worry I know what I'm doing

No

do I sound happy look Tony you promised

me the lead and I'm number two on the

call she once again

no he's making double the amount I'm

making and I have twice the amount of

lines have you heard of knocking

[Music]

[Music]

look at me okay good good that's good

you've been shot okay just try and stay

with me I'm gonna get you out of here

stay down something in my back pocket

okay we gotta slow down this bleeding

wait wait wait

just give me a second something feels

off how old a what look we don't have

much time here how old are you

forty-eight I'm 48 years old you what

what the hell are you talking about and

you're what like a size 18 2010

sometimes the 12 it depends on the size

or the style or to cut the hole does it

matter we have to get out of here yeah

you're not gonna take off any more

clothes right look I don't know what

you're doing here I'm pretty sure she's

supposed to save me

[Music]

she can barely stand up no no that's so

odd if you're losing a lot of blood okay

I get it

we're doing comedy you don't think quite

that famine okay bring on the jokes

you really shouldn't waste your energy

talking that's kind of flat

you know I wouldn't you guessed 4842

maybe you could say 42 people believe it

why would I do that

yeah you're right it wouldn't make a

difference

how are you exactly hey I'm 47 but I'm

in my mid-thirties yeah you don't know

doesn't matter it's in my contract I

don't my love interest around you're 32

[Music]

[Music]

how [ __ ] that b-plus sweetheart a

combustion engine requires right now air

electricity and [ __ ]

[Music]

and I don't remember squibs hurtin so

much maybe we could go back to the hot

chick see if she's got something for it

oh hey I know I said you don't look your

age but get on my back

what oh my back so I can carry you you

idiot we got to get out of here stop

talking I can't go through with this oh

yeah you're not very funny yet well

let's work something out some stick or

something God do you always have this

many [ __ ] lines you bet I'm the guy

hey where you going you can't just leave

me here I'm the hero of the story look I

I just don't know what to do with you do

with me I'm saving your a*s and you

don't know what to do with me no I don't

I mean I leave my body or my neighbor

what kind of relationship could a guy

like me possibly have with it someone

like you in a story like this [ __ ]

hopeless

no no wait give me a second give me a

second I got I got it are you Patricia

Arquette

Patricia Arquette am i right I'm right

aren't I

how the hell could I be Patricia

Arquette I just thought maybe this is

like that movie that the guy took 20

years to make in the mother Patricia

Arquette boyhood she went an Oscar for

it yes and she she got old and she put

on weight but not like makeup or a fat

suit it was totally real totally method

but it was okay because I could still

remember her from her young hot true

romance days so so I could make it make

sense

you know in my head let me get this

straight

so you really and truly have no clue

what to do with an average-sized woman

over 40 in a dramatic leading role are

you on mommy

[Music]

or maybe you have a picture of yourself

from high school or even your early

twenties and you're a little thinner or

a lot no dear God what's happening I'm

finding you kinda real-world it up

[Music]

you know I got a three-picture deal over

United you'd be great for the romantic

leaf

we'd have a great chemistry I haven't

seen a picture year since 96 keep moving

not today red not today

nice work Leticia its Nadine sir Oh

sweetheart nice to see ya wasn't aware

you had a daughter sir I don't

so red that was a exciting little game

you played there not to mention

expensive

we've lost the whole day now we're into

overtime Plus Oh

you shot my number one and we can't find

her number two luckily she's a dime a

dozen you shot me you know you could

have just kept rolling there's no change

to the story my way would have brought

in more women over 40 you know the ones

that the most control of our household

budgets the ones who will actually go

and see the movie instead of just

illegally downloading it are you nuts

do you realize how much money we would

lose if we went about putting a bunch of

what I yeah for four and a half on a

good day at the right angle and with the

right filter she could almost be a five

well that's great sweetie weren't you I

go take care of the hero over there

don't move

not you well haven't you and your kind

on-screen in any significant way would

devastate the American economy do you

realize how many people are employed in

the diet and beauty industry alone no

how many

[ __ ] Devine out well they do know is

that we have no interest in casting

women that reminds us of our ex-wives

Jesus Christ you get enough of my money

right oh you poor thing if only you

could see me and my kind to something

other than disposable seed pods that

expire at 35 maybe you'd save a little

money on all those divorce hey really if

you hadn't stolen my script and

butchered it with beer dough the film

school dropout

I might even be paying you alimony

except for the months that you skip it I

am talking you make it so easy you might

outnumber us but that's why you all is

so caddie and competitive you pull this

done today blow up social media for

second and boom some feminist latina

blogger calls out your white privilege

some hot yoga site points out the health

dangers of your obesity a black film

critic rails against how a few lines

lawanda has here ladies

and before you know it red you're the

bad guy in your adorable little mood

when it's dead on arrival

meanwhile me and the boy is we get to

carry on business as usual this is far

from over

Oh aye it says over right about here hey

lawanda you know what to do right you

alright buddy

yeah yeah I'm fine

all right let's gets cleaned up work

that limp into your character maybe some

good Oskar potential I'd the body in the

heap somewhere thought this should be

noticed

[Music]

tell me that Kevlar bra works oh my god

baby but that's too blatant and really

good for your ankle I've been practicing

where's the vial pocket you sure this is

enough she said I only takes a drop that

should be four maybe five what about the

rest

she said she has other plans for them

we'll be okay here what are you my

[ __ ] BFF I'm nobody's be at that

[ __ ] coming mister sirs

[Music]

we were all coming

[Music]

it's over

[Music]

but it's not done

[Music]

we both know it

[Music]

feels like a just bigger

[Music]

Oh

let's seem so yeah