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01x09 - Great ba*ls of Fur

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Eek! The Cat". Aired: September 12, 1992 – August 1, 1997.*
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Revolves around the misadventures of a jolly purple cat named Eek, who lives in the fictitious city of McTropolis.

01x09 - Great ba*ls of Fur

Post by bunniefuu »

hmm

[Music]

whew

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

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[Applause]

[Music]

he's

[Music]

geek

baby are you hungry tonight i know i am

i can really use a big old chili donut

oh i just love malvis if only i could

see him in concert than metropolis

stadium but i know the concert must be

sold out

now whoever could that play

[Music]

hmm that's strange

[Music]

why eat the cat you're just playing hide

and seek with your love

hi annabelle i have a surprise for you

for your birthday last year oh lake i

just love surprises

oh hey

tickets to the elvis the cat concert in

metropolis stadium

let it happen and nature sing

my dreams have been fulfilled

i know how badly you wanted to go

annabelle they were the last two tickets

left and guess what we can see melvis

before the concert at the thanksgiving

day parade riding the stinky's cat food

bloom wanna go wow

i have to get ready for the concert

[Music]

i'll go away you people why don't you

just leave me alone man

i mean let me help you out of here

[Applause]

much appreciate it colonel tom now give

me a chilly donut man oh now i'm elvis

maybe you should just take it easy on

the chili doughnuts you know we have

that big stinky's cat food ad campaign

coming up

oh what does it matter anymore man my

career is over

my life is ruined

or for melvis you gotta give it a little

more time tomorrow after you do the

thanksgiving day parade we'll resign the

stinkiest cake today y'all oh that's

another thing colonel riding around that

silly blimp every thanksgiving it's

degrading man

i realize that i do and i'll bring that

up at the board mate and i will they'll

have to pay you more your career is

gonna get a much needed boost

where what career all i've got to show

for my years of hard work is a bunch of

cheap horrible movies that have bombed

i haven't had a hit record in 20 years

some people are certain to say i'm a has

been stunned what's that nothing king

nothing i've had it man i went out daddy

oh i want my fans to remember me the way

i was i'm gonna disappear disappear

pelvis my mind's made up colonel you

can't do it elvis the stinkiest contract

we'll get more this time we'll get more

you'll make a comeback i promise why

don't you hand that contract over the

wall of the bagpipe playing weasel

colonel

that's enough that's enough

have you gone mad it's a cat food for

goodness sake no one wants a bagpipe

playing weasel selling cat food the

stinkiest people on melvis melvis the

cat

after tomorrow

there won't be any more members to

catman

[Music]

i hear the music but i don't see

anything yet

[Music]

oh yeah i can't wait to see melvis i

don't care what anybody says i think

he's bigger than ever that car sees the

guy eats 10 pizzas a day

hey this guy is still a melvis man don't

you know the guy's so fat they're trying

to get him to work at sea world in the

whale pool

how easily people forget melvin started

it all

[Music]

there you go king have a nice flight

either this blimp is getting smaller

every year or johnny blubber but has

been rock star is getting fatter

go ahead laugh all you want man after

today you won't have the king to carry

around anymore

i'm telling you i'm telling you one

little weasel could be a sensation it's

a it's a it's an edgy an edgy unique 90s

approach to the whole thing wally he's a

weasel and a talented one at the head

maldus the cat is the stinky spokesman

colonel you seem reluctant to resign him

oh no

i i just feel that a commercial starring

wally could give the stinky's campaign a

much needed boost

we know what you're up to colonel

pockmark you do

our research shows that melvis the cat

is due for a major comeback the comeback

of the century in fact but of course you

already knew that you sly fox you no

well

of course i knew that but

hey oh how about how about that ball of

the weasel

mr please sure mister

yes mr steve you look great what a

pleasure sit

down all right colonel park mark let's

quit playing games shall we i realize we

may have treated you and your client

melvis a little unfairly over the years

but that's going to change

melvis the cat is stinky's cat food i'm

not gonna beat around the bush colonel

we want melvis the cat to resign the

stinky's contract and we are prepared to

pay you 50 million dollars for that

right

[Music]

this is the worst catastrophe i've ever

seen the sneaky cat food blimp has burst

into flames oh this is terrible terrible

it's falling to the ground i've never oh

it's terrible

come on jack change the card

oh sorry clive oh but humanity is

terrible

i am a king i am looking here

the king is broken into individual

pieces i got you elvis i got some elvis

i i got you

he's gone there's nothing left we deeply

regret the loss of melvis colonel

pockmark i'm afraid that since the king

has blown into a million unidentifiable

pieces the deal is off well my my my but

he survived i mean i mean mail this is a

real a survivor nothing could have

survived that expl*si*n colonel nothing

yeah well i i i guess you're right but

[Music]

it's a miracle

[Music]

oh oh this is astonishing people it's

like the rebirth of melbourne

a second start in life long live

he's right look at this the crowd

actually seems to care about melvis

again the press will have a heyday with

this

more offer stands colonel in fact we'll

double it it's a dale gentleman would

you like paper or plastic

no if you'll excuse me i must take the

king back to place land to recover

finally i found my place in the sun a

place where i can just be me a place of

my own where no one will recognize me

and try to tear the sweat stained

handkerchief from my paw no fans for

thousands of miles

just that big white doggy over there

[Music]

huh what the heck happened why is my

hair in a greasy wave the size of the

one in the title sequence of hawaii 5-0

so you're awake how do you feel fine

except i can't remember who i am well

i'll tell you who you are you're a hero

man and you saved melvis the cat's life

i did i seem to remember elvis's blimp

exploding and then a lamp post that is

correct you pulled melvis from the

wreckage and then hit that lane post

well gee where is melvis is he gonna be

okay well some thanks to you he'll be

just fine after he recuperates you see

he was hurt pretty badly so badly

infected well he needs your help my help

melvis asked me to ask you if you would

mind standing in for him well while his

bits are sewn back together you bear a

striking resemblance to the king and

well it would really help him out me

help the king sure it never hurts to

help right great it'll be with our

little secret milvis would hate to worry

as fans all right the first thing we

have to do is familiarize you with every

detail of the king's career gee i'm

already pretty familiar with the life of

melvis and his incredible skyrocket to

fame yes yes but by the time i am done

with you you will move breathe talk walk

sing sleep think steak over eat and wink

like melvin

you can count on me colonel i'll do my

very best

[Music]

gosh what a street i get to watch every

melvin's movie ever made i don't want to

be just another joe working in the pit

stop so ellen i'm going to risk it all

and be a driver oh malvis we're going to

win that race we're going to take first

place i'm going to win for my mommy

because she gave me this face

i don't want to be another schmoe

sweeping up the hanger betty sue i'm

going to risk it all and become an

astronaut oh man

we're going to go in space i gotta see

that place i'll set the dial for mars

cause we gotta make it i don't wanna be

just another step walking around in

amusement park and stuff to badger

costume luau cinder i'm gonna risk it

all and go for that parking lot

attending gig oh malvis i'm gonna

[Music]

oh there must be those clowns from

stinkiest catchpos this is it okay mel

with me of us they're here to take us to

the studio to film the new

commercial the local watering hole and

it doesn't look like anyone here

recognizes me

uh pardon me there crocodile

i wonder if i can get something warm to

drink

you are an annoying and obese man i will

get you when i have the time

a little fella treated me as rudely as

they treat any cat

okay

sorry that the elk report was like a

little long today but so like don't

anybody go out because we now return to

the night's movie already in progress

clambake calamity starring melvin's the

cat eh turns the channel i hate this fat

jiggle butt has been with a pompous

greasy hair too that guy's a

[Applause]

loser the answer is june through

september eh

uh what is the antler melting season for

the north arctic elk

[Music]

uh what is the antler molting season for

the north arctic elk

[Music]

stinky cat was real neat it's hope we

kitties like steve shoebox

use your paws or use your feet to stop

your mouth for fishing meat

so give your cat that special treat

stinky stinky sweet stinky cat food

[Music]

just what the heck is going on here

colonel well it's just uh i if this is

your idea of some kind of twisted joke

if so it's in very poor taste you're

right it's terrible i love it it's

terrible that that you people can't see

real talent when it's right under your

nose that's right colonel nelvis the cat

is the chameleon of pop music and i'm

proud darn proud to have him represent

stinky's cat food what a visionary

melvis is he's such an innovator oh it's

changing always growing oh this will be

our greatest ad campaign ever here here

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

me

[Music]

uh

[Music]

[Applause]

me

not a bad deal this fame thing ache not

to be mr big hurry colonel but when is

melvis the cat gonna get better oh well

i i i just got a call from the hospital

and where he choked on a a piece of

pudding and damaged his throat uh he'll

have to remain in the hospital just a

little itty bitty bit longer key how

much longer oh just maybe uh another six

years or so six years gee i hope he's

gonna be okay he's so much better at

this than i am

oh you get used to it you'll probably

really get to like being mauled by

crowds of out of control fans the

backstabbing the fairway the friends the

of fans who just want a piece of the

action but i miss my family and my

girlfriend annabelle

well gee she's really

bad

really

never mind that who needs one girlfriend

you are loved by millions

yeah but i don't even know these people

and besides they only like me because

they think i'm someone else i miss my

family and friends they love me for me

trains what do you need that for you've

got islands full of misguided shallow

women money and fame and boats and

houses and

maybe that's enough for some people

colonel pockmark but not for me if it's

okay with you i'd sure like to go home

now all right all right look please hey

just do the metropolis stadium concert

that's all i ask then we're through

merle mr kate goes on vacation pleasing

please it means so much to me of us he's

always give and given this is a chance

for us to give back to him

metropolis stadium kumbaya i just

remembered i was going to take annabelle

to the melvis concert at metropolis

stadium i got her tickets for her

birthday they're way up in the lows

behind a pole but they're a swell deal i

implore your eager uh i speak for me on

this it is very important that you not

tell anyone about this charade even

anyway it could ruin the king

well

i'll do my best for elvis

[Music]

so sparky fell through the ice and since

he was the last dog in line no one

noticed i tell you so we're dragging

sparky in this block of ice and no one

noticed and i'm saying to the wife you

know like where's sparky's distinctive

birthday and then we like notice he's

like in a big ice cube bay

you'll need is what we kid he likes to

eat

hey man turn the channel i i can't stand

watching this tone deaf phony

stuff your face with fish and meat the

king i have always loved him he's such

an innovator i love his new sound eh are

you ice cube heads nuts that's not

melvis i'm melvis you fools

sure you're a pal and like i make you

summery that's it i'm getting out of

here i'll miss the mobs the fame the

island's full of misguided shallow women

elvis isn't coming home

[Music]

you're only five minutes late yeah my

office

[Music]

give me your chili donut man

thanks man melvis that's right baby the

king is back thank goodness i'll tell

you king i have a whole new respect for

you this spain thing sure is a lot of

hard work it sure is kid this kind of

life's not for me that's eek sir

whatever i owe you a debt of gratitude

son if i can ever return the favor let

me know man

well actually if you really don't mind i

wonder if i could ask for one small

favor melvis just name it man

hi annabelle oh hey i was afraid you

were held up now shush the king is just

about to take the stage

i'd like to dedicate my first song to a

very dear friend a cool cat with a big

heart my friend eek the cat

oh hey you're such a hay man

[Applause]

[Music]

give me a note

[Music]

hey

[Music]

[Applause]