01x11 - The Eekcidental Tourist

[bunniefuu]

hmm

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whew

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hmm

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ladies and gentlemen the cartoon picture

you are about to see may surprise you it

may shock you it may even horrify you

the producers wish it to be known that

the writers of this script have

deviously peppered it with erroneous

facts untruths and misinformation about

certain important historical sites that

litter this great land of ours this

diabolical attempt to confuse and

misinform fertile young minds like yours

it was only discovered moments ago which

unfortunately did not give us time to

correct these improprieties again we

apologize the cartoon script was the

product of two severely disordered minds

steps have been taken to ensure that

nothing like this will ever occur again

now please sit back and enjoy today's

cartoon picture show

say had an accident and there's no one

to blame but yourself gotten hurt in the

privacy of your own home and it's

nobody's fault but your own

well you don't have to take it anymore

call us here at the mishap hotline and

we'll show you how to sue yourself

that's right sue yourself

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i'll wait by the door for my beloved

children so they'll know how much i

missed them while they were at school

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i got a d

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i'll probably never get a good job when

people find out about this

take it easy when the elizabeth i could

use all the time yeah but you're stupid

so it's okay look miss goiter said you

could retake the test on monday i've

never had a d in my whole life not only

up till monday to learn all about

geography

children under the table it's an

earthquake

i know what we'll do wendy elizabeth

we'll go on a road trip across america

yeah your road trip

really the best way for you to learn

about this great country of ours is to

drive around it in a hot station wagon

and visit all of the magnificent

historical sites we should be able to do

that by monday

[Music]

hey mom how are we gonna tour the entire

country in one weekend well we'll just

have to stick to a tight schedule and

drive swiftly

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[Applause]

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so

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are we there yet almost

oh children flat tire

come on jb we can change it in record

time

now i'll never make it to all the

historical sites

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hey

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oh isn't that cute eek is taking a

little cat nap

come on

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the monument is named after george

washington what does it do

well

i really don't know

gee thanks mom

well that's enough of that we've got to

be off

it's a monument it doesn't do anything

oh no those badger scouts are in danger

[Music]

kumbaya there's claudia zipper in a

bikini and she fell

hey i wonder where my family has gone

gosh they must have been overtly taken

off without me as i went to save those

young badger scouts

hmm according to this itinerary their

next stop is niagara falls which is very

close to canada but how will i ever get

there we're standing with the incredible

elbows stunned elk and daredevil on the

last stop of his nationwide tour before

he foolishly rides a lone barrel over

the great and deadly niagara falls elmo

the whole world wants to know why the

heck would you do such a nutty thing oh

well i need to raise money for my little

brother timmy's operation isn't that

heartwarming also i had a barrel in the

backyard i didn't know what else to do

with it and if you don't survive your

dangerous stunt if you don't make it

what then well i could always be a tv

weatherman well good luck to you

incredible elmo thanks a very much clive

who the heck are you a little kitty i'm

me can i need a ride to niagara falls i

couldn't help but notice you were on

your way there and i was wondering if i

could play anymore i'd be happy to help

buckle up cause here we go

so you're going over niagara falls in a

barrel huh you betcha gee incredible

elmo that sounds dangerous

then that isn't my business my little

pal

gosh you are pretty incredible elmo i

mean i hear niagara falls is over six

miles high and the water moves at a

speed of 2000 miles per hour and that a

barrel going down the falls will have

the speed equivalent to that of a rocket

ship re-entering the earth's atmosphere

on fire yes sir it takes a pretty

incredible elk like you elmo to pull off

a stunt like that well i've heard that

the water smashed into those rocks has

forced enough to theoretically smash an

object the size of the empire state

building into a squishy lump the size of

a wooden nickel and keepers talk about

laughing at the odds i don't think

anyone's ever lived through a barrel

ride over niagara falls except for maybe

the amazing eddie i mean if you can call

that living i mean all that's left of

the amazing eddie is his head poor guy

all he ever gets for christmas is hats

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and so we gaze upon niagara falls

children it was built by mr niagara

sometime in the late 1960s to protect

the united states from the hostile

forces of canada

wow i don't believe it the incredible

elmo is here always my favorite stunt

elk he's going to perform today can we

stay watching mom how can we do it can

we well i don't think there's anything

wrong with mixing a little scholastic

wonder with good old frivolous fun come

on kids let's go watch that crazy elk

put himself in the hospital boy that

elmo sure is brave it takes a strong elk

to perform such a death defying stunt

[Laughter]

i can't do it i tell you i'm scared i

don't want to go over the ba*ls i can't

i can't i tell you i can't see elmo what

about your brother jimmy and his

operation i know i know i'm letting him

down i'm letting everyone down i'm a

failure a failure oh come on mr

incredilomo you're not a failure i'll

help you go over the falls

sure it never hurts to help

okay incredible elmo now you can perform

your brave stunt and get that money so

your little brother timmy will never

have to use those crutches again oh

he'll be off of those crutches tomorrow

he just sprained his ankle sprained his

ankle and what's the operation for oh

that he's just getting a nose job he

thinks his nose is too big well i guess

anyway i really appreciate your help

sure it never hurts dead thanks again

see you down below

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oh scooter that can't be ready

sparky it looks like it went well we

better shut down the falls and check it

out tony

well how bad can this be really i mean

i'm just gonna land in a bunch of water

and what could be softer than water

only a professional stundell could take

that much punishment kids i don't want

either of you trying that at home

[Applause]

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the xylibrium crystals are all used up

captain i can't get no power ladies and

gentlemen let's hear it for the

incredible elmo

[Applause]

well that wasn't so bad they think i'm

elmo and now timmy can get his nose job

i guess sometimes things just work out

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[Applause]

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that was sensational

i thank you and little timmy thanks you

every time we look at this new nose

we'll think of you he'll never herself

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that's enough of niagara falls kids next

stop mount rushmore

[Applause]

hey yo kitty you need a ride i need to

get to mount rushmore to catch up with

my family all right oh we're on our way

to new jersey now to pay a club to let

us play them we can drop you off on the

way oh yeah that'd be most helpful

thanks come on hop in

this this'll be a great ride man we're

gonna slam dance the whole way how fun i

love to

[Music]

i hope we're almost dance this slam

dancing can be very exhausting

these magnificent carvings were made by

a man who didn't work fast enough the

taxpayers of america told the sculptor

that he better rush more hence the name

mount rushmore

the sculptures are modeled after faces

found only on american currency

[Applause]

i'm sure mount rushmore is around here

somewheres dude well good luck we got to

get to new jersey see ya

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[Applause]

i'm not sure how much more that music i

can listen to

well that's a relief i guess i'd better

get busy looking for my family

[Music]

come on we've got to keep to our

schedule next stop yellowstone national

park

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hey that's pretty good

hey

i'm really having one of those days

where you keep falling out of the car

and missing your rides to the next

national monument right i just can't

seem to huh

wow am i lucky or what

hey

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yellowstone here we come

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that big gushy old faithful has got to

be around here somewhere children well

maybe we should get out

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now let's see where can my loving family

be

it says here that old faithful erupts

twice a day except on weekends and

holidays it's been a tourist attraction

here at yellowstone park since way back

when it was simply known as young

faithful now where the heck could it be

hey look my friendly bears can we feed

them like can we hook me up

can we mama please

well i don't see why not the sign

clearly says it's okay

they're so cute mother purring hey mom

do you have anything to feed them well

jb i think there may be a box of salmon

in the glove box

yeah bearsy

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look what i found

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here mr bear want some salmon

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gosh that could have been dangerous i

hope no one makes a mistake of giving

food to those dangerous creatures

isn't this cute i'm gonna bet one of

these teddy bears mom um maybe you want

to come home with us more

well we're all out salmon kids gee

what can the bears eat now mom

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i'm sorry you bears but i don't think mr

ranger wants you to eat this rich food

hey that's not for you it's for those

friendly bears

children i think it would be a good idea

for us to go now

oh boy you really did it

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i think now would be a good time to run

and don't forget to scream first

[Applause]

oh

hey where's zeke

[Music]

there he is mom

he was right here the whole time mom and

look he just gave himself a cat bath

cats are wonderful creatures aren't they

kids

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here we are children the world famous

golden gate bridge it took over six

months to build and it's made of solid

gold and out in the middle of san

francisco bay is the infamous alcatraz

prison where no conflict has ever

escaped

[Music]

come on kids let's get out and take a

picture of you with that lovely

institution behind you

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there won't that be nice lady what the

heck do you think you're doing well

officer i'm just taking a picture of my

children and our cat on your city's

beautiful bridge

is this your car man well i

yes it is you've been driving around

with a burnout brake light

officer i had no idea really

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well i'll overlook at this one time but

you gotta promise me you'll take care of

it i wouldn't want to see any harm come

to you little miss oh of course i'll see

to it right away your honor

all right squishy lips hope you and your

sister here enjoy your stay in our

beautiful city

let's get one more all right children

say

cheese on everyone let's go to

fisherman's board

[Music]

all right boys after 10 years in the

making our escape plan is about to pay

off pretty soon we'll be free as the

boities

tunneling through 60 feet of solid rock

with nothing but this paperclip is

something we can all be proud of yeah

now all we gotta do is rappel down this

sheer and slippery cliff face using this

rope that eddie here made out of his own

hair it took him seven years

all right all right men this is it we're

out of this stripey hole for good hey

man i don't know how it's done gee that

looks awful dangerous in the dark here

maybe this will help

it never hurts to help

well this is the last of it wendy

elizabeth fisherman's wharf san

francisco california named so because of

the abundance of fast seafood

restaurants surrounding it

there now you've seen every site our

great country has to offer you'll have

no trouble passing that geography test

now

nothing can stop you not even a

earthquake kids under the sturdy wooden

table

i think it's over kids

oh that was fun

i thought it was kind of scary i heard

that someday california will fall into

the ocean after a big earthquake we

don't have time to worry about a silly

idea like that now kids we gotta head

back home so that tomorrow wendy

elizabeth can take her geography test

over again and ace it well after such an

informative trip i'm sure i can lick

that pesky test of miss goiters thanks

mom

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boy that little chip sure was fun i got

to see all those wonderful sights and

i'm sure glad california didn't fall

into the ocean now i can relax and enjoy

the long ride home

oops better roll up the windows kids

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hey

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