05x15 - Virtual Insanity

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up, what's got
q hot under the collar?

Oh, uh...

Will Joe put
his best foot forward?

And which losing joker
will get a reality check

in tonight's virtual punishment?

Sal:
Prepare for something amazing.

Q:
Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr:
I want my mommy!

Sal:
I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Today, we're teaming up
as employees

at pet goods pet store.

While dealing with customers,
we're gonna have to do

and say whatever
the other guys tell us to.

If you refuse anything at all,
you lose.

Sit, guys.

Sit.

Good guys.

You... you stay!

You stay!

♪♪

All right.

There they are.

Joe, look to your right.
Got you some treats.

- Ferret treats?
- Every time Murray's good,

just... just pop
a little treat his way.

No, come on.

Let me see this?

Premium ferret treats.

- Eat it.
- No, you eat it.

They're chicken flavored.

Refuse, you lose.

Here's the thing... we just...
We literally just started.

You think we're gonna take
a loss right now?

I'm not gonna take
a loss right now.

How is it?
Pretty good?

Yeah, of course.
You got to eat it.

- Hello, how are you?
- Hello.

Sal: Murr, there's a huge
dog cage right there.

Pull it out.
- Yeah.

Put Joe in it.

Q:
I can't believe...

It's meant to fit
a great Dane, so...

All right.

Now, murr, leave.

Stay.

Joe, you got to get someone
to get you out of there.

Hello?
Sorry.

- She's coming, she's coming.
- Hello?

Yes, hi.
Could you open up the thing?

Yeah, I was trying to clean it.

And then I got... I got stuck.

Could you just open it up
for me?

No, it's fine.
Thank you.

Thanks.

Q: Run for it, Joe.

You know, the thing was I was
trying to clean...

Murr!

Murr, come back right now.
Murr, come back right now.

What'd you do?!

Oh, for god's sakes.

Murr, eat the treats.
Eat the treats.

Eat a treat.

They're premium.

Q: Uh-oh, uh-oh.
She's about to faint.

Oh, are you... oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you were
about to faint.

No, you looked like
you were about to faint.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I saw the whole thing.

It looked like you
were about to go down.

His stupid face and eyes.

Yeah.
You... you saw it, right?

Yeah, yeah.
I saw the whole thing.

I thought you were going down.

Stay hydrated.
- Yeah.

I can't.

Guys, she's walking
into a surprise party.

- Come on, come on.
- We have a surprise coming.

No, come in, come in.
- Quick, quick.

Sal: See if she'll hide
with you right now.

- How are you? Okay, good.
- I'm fine. You?

Um, the next person coming in...
It's their birthday.

It's her birthday, so we're
hiding for the surprise party.

Come here, come here, come here.

Shout "surprise"
when they come in.

Get down.

Q:
What is happening?

Shh, shh.

Guys, get giddy with excitement.

I'm so... this is crazy.

Oh, my god.

This poor woman.

I can't stand it.
I really can't stand it.

- I just love surprises.
- Shh, shh!

Q: Look at her.

Q:
Offer her some treats.

They're premium.

Get... oh.

- No.
- No.

I can't believe
no one's walking in.

At what point
does she just give up?
It's been eight minutes.

I mean, this is...
This is ridiculous.

Joe, tell her she's
a disgrace to her family.

Come on.
Tell her right now.

Don't you dare.

Disgrace.

Don't say that.

You're a disgrace...

Stop!
Stop it.

Sal: It looks like
someone's coming in.
Here we go.

Come in, come in!

You're a disgrace
to your family.

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

Yay!

You did it!

Yay!

Come on!

Surprise!

It's your birthday.

- No.
- Oh!

Shh, come on.
It's the wrong person.

Q, stand at the front.

As soon as the customer
walks in, say,

"sir, for the last time,

we cannot put down
any more birds for you."

Oh, sir, for the last time,

we cannot put down
any more birds for you.

Oh.

Oh, that's it.

Wash... wash your hands
clean of it, right?

I'm the bird k*ller, not you.

He was raised by birds.

Hi, how are you?

Murr: Invite her to a rave
you're throwing

after hours in the store.

We're having a...
We're having a...

When the store closes...
- Yeah.

We have a... we're having
an after-hours rave.

It's mostly just employees

and friends
and family of employees.
Right, and pets.

It's, uh...
It's bring your own Molly.

Um...

You like edm?

There's gonna be plenty of it.
- Do you party?

Lot of skrillex tonight,
lot of diplo.

We fill a fish tank with vodka,
throw some goldfish in it.

When they die,
we eat the goldfish.

Fran from the fowl department
usually pulls out a titty.

Joe: What?!

No problem.

- Guys, you look bored.
- Yeah.

Joe:
Start thumb wrestling,

and keep mumbling obscenities
to each other.

- One, two, three, four.
- One, two, three, four.

Piece of

you're a-

sal: I'll you
and your whole family up.

You're a little baby

you

you're a

mother of

I'll never thumb wrestle again.

You. Yeah,
I'll in your mouth.

Shut the

yeah, that's what we'll do.

Joe: Q, so, you're gonna model
our new hands-free leash.

Hands-free leash.

- All right.
- Put it on him.

Guys, it's all the rage...
The hands-free leash.

All right, here you go.

Let's bring the dog in.

Oh! Chica!

Chica's like
a production mascot.

Just ask people
if they need help.

Hey, do you need help, sir?

How you doing?

- Oh, cat food?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Well, how many cats you got?
- Two.

This leash works for cats,
as well.

It's hands-free.
Yeah.

Like, I can shake
your hand all day.

Now connect the customer and q.

This is, uh,
Beverly Hills Polo club.

This is, like, a...
This is made for humans.

Murr: Here we go.

If you wanted to do it,
and I won't put it tight.

I'll do it like that
just to show you.

- Now, but you can do it...
- Oh, uh.

See, now we feel
equal now, right?

- Hi.
- Aww.

"Oh, don't touch it.
We're about to put it down."

Be careful.
Yeah, we're putting
her down today.

It's a thing that we're doing
right now to educate customers.

We're putting her down
in about 10 minutes.

If anybody wants to come watch,
it's gonna be in the back.

You're gonna be put down?

To educate customers
on what the process is

if you ever have to do it.

Murr:
Look at her face.

There's gonna be
light refreshments.

Oh, no, no, no.

"For a small fee,
you could put her down."

For a small fee...

- No.
- Come on. Let's go.

Joe:
You have to say it.

All right, you know what?
Just keep her. Just keep her.

He can't do it.

Narrator:
Sal and q screwed the pooch,

so they're first up
on the loser board.

Today, we're teaming up
at food bazaar,

playing a game we call
"over the shoulder."

One guy has to steal items
from a shopper's cart

and toss them over his head.

His teammate has to try
and catch them.

For every item your teammate
catches, you get a point.

But if you get caught,
game over.

Whichever team has the most
points at the end wins.

Murr: Sal is throwing.
Joe's catching.

Here's the important thing...
Joe can't put anything down.

- There you go.
- Nice.

One point.

This is tricky,
'cause it's a basket.

Oh, oh.

Come on, just get it.

- Oh.
- Oh!

Oh, h*.
She shot him a look.

Sal.

Oh, what do you got?
What do you got?

Nice. He's got a...
He's got a cake.

Nicely done.

Wow.

- Two.
- Joe, the throw was good?

Were you really worried about me
dropping a cake you threw to me?

- Uh-uh. Oh.
- Oh!

- He's got it!
- Oh!

Oh, that's a box full
of ramen noodles.

It's gonna make a lot of noise.

She's looking.

She didn't call them out.
It's good.

Nice.
Well done, sal.

- What is that? Bread?
- Bread... rolls.

Rolls?

- Oh.
- Wow.

Sal's going for more.

Oh.

Oh, my god.

Oh, wow.

Geez.

♪♪

Oh!

Hall of fame catch, Joe gatto!

Six.

I just broke my knee.

I just broke my knee.

Oh.

Sorry. Hi.

I'm sorry. No.
I...

- She doesn't know it's sal.
- No.

Technically didn't catch him.

I guess, well, you get it...

No, no.

It definitely wasn't me
or Joe gatto.

Joe, don't let her see you.
Don't let her see you.

She's over there.
She's walking around, Joe.

- Oh!
- Oh!

These are your breads?

That's your bread.

This is yours.
I'm sorry about that.

Murr: You're done.
Caught.

Joe: Murr, where did you get
the full athletic gear

that you're in right now?

- We came ready.
- Extreme shopping.

All right, boys.

Murr: Six.
We got to beat six.

Q, q.

- How about bananas?
- Oh, he got bananas.

It's go.
It's going bananas down there.

Yeah, he got it!
That's one.

Q.

- Switch?
- Switch.

Okay, they're switching.

They can switch sides.

Yeah, as long as you're
on the lines.
Right.

Come on.
Come on, buddy.

They made a move.
Oh!

Oh, head of lettuce!
Yeah!

He's got it... two.

Whoop.

Nice.
That's three.

- Oh no, no!
- Oh, nice!

You know what, murr?
Switch.

Switch sides.

This is all... ooh.

Oh!

That's five.
They need one more to tie.

That's it, q.
Come on.

What's that?
What's that?

Joe: Item six.
Got it.

- Oh.
- All right, here we go.

At this point, it's like, "why
doesn't Murray have a basket?"

If you see him shopping...

Uh, uh, uh, uh, side switch.

- Excuse me.
- Uh...

- Oh, my god.
- Oh, tub of butter!

Sal: For the win.

Tub of butter for the win!

Unbelievable!

We're 40.

Narrator: Joe and sal
couldn't catch a break,

so they're being tossed on
to the loser board.

Today, q and Joe
are going head-to-head,

collecting signatures
for very important causes.

There's just one catch.

They don't know
what the causes are

because sal and I wrote them.

If you can't get a signature,
you lose.

If you can't get a signature,
you lose.

Yeah.

Fair enough.

♪♪

Q, I'll blow your mind
a little bit.
Yeah.

The first time that we filmed
this was in 2010.

It is 2016.

Oh, my god.

Six years ago,
you couldn't get somebody

to stop and talk to you.
- I had trouble.

Signatures for... for a free...
To support a good cause.

It's not even a cause.
I just need a signature.

I just need
a quick signature, man.

Let's see if those charm-school
classes have paid off.

How's it going, man?

I need, like,
two more signatures

to get this off the ground.
You mind helping me out?

It's for a great cause.

It's, uh... ah, yep.

That is pics for the homely.

You know ugly people...
They don't really get...

They don't really get
into, like,

fun texting chains
with people, right?

So, what we need is people
to sign up.

You know, you don't have to send
pictures of your

just that you support
the general idea

of ugly people finally, finally
getting their pics.

Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Right ahead.

Come on.

Well, that was easy.

All right.
Hey, man, thank you so much.

I can't believe it.

You want me to just snap
a quick one?

You're all good?
No?

Joe's gonna have a hard time
finding a guy like you out here.

I'll tell you that right now.

Well done, q.

The day's ruined.

Day's ruined?

I stepped in gum.

Why is that ruining your day?

Because now I got to throw
these sneakers out.

No, Joe, Joe, you don't have
to throw the sneakers out.

I got to throw them out.

There you are.
I was waiting for you.

Sign it right here.

All right.

- That's right, pal.
- I'm hot, man.

Just out here
getting some signatures.

Almost done.
I need two more.

You guys game?
- Yeah, oh.

Let's loosen up
on those manslaughter laws.

The definition of them,
from a constitutional
standpoint,

is very... too defined,
so we're just trying...

You know, so I'm out here
with the... the city.

Murr: Oh.

He's signing.
He's signing!

Yeah, we're just trying
to loosen up

on the manslaughter laws, 'cause
they're a little too tight.

Now people are just stopping
without him trying.

Hi, girls, come on in here.
You're next.

Come on.

See, I'm...
I'm out here with the city.

Appreciate that.
Thank you.

Thank you. You're next.
Sorry. She'll hold that for you.

Look at this.

You know what, I won?

Well done.

Narrator:
Joe and q made it through,

so with two thumbs-down,
sal is tonight's big loser.

Today, we're here
for sal's punishment,

but sal's punishment isn't here.

No, it happens in...
Virtual reality.

We had our friends
at otherworld interactive

allow you to demo three
of their scariest games.

Oh, god.

- It's super-simple.
- Yeah.

Oh, no.
Is it really scary?

Oh.

You ready to virtually
your pants?

Okay.

Stare at the word "start."

Okay.

It lit up, yeah.

Q: Otherworld interactive
has this game called "sisters,"

which is virtual reality,

where you look
all over the place,

and these two creepy sisters

in this creepy room
basically terrify you.

Murr: Yeah.
What sal doesn't know
is that the room

is gonna transform around him
while he's in virtual reality.

Virtual reality's gonna
become sal's reality.

Oh this

okay.
Transform the room!

♪♪

Joe: So, we took every detail
into account

and recreated the room
from the video game exactly.

It's so accurate.

Otherworld interactive sent us
the actual wallpaper

that they used in the game.

No, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no!

Aah!

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

A door is opening.

And there's a...

The dolls are missing!

This is what modern
masculinity looks like.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

How do I get out of here now?!

Now, lock the door.

Lock him in.

Ah, there's a kid singing.

There's a girl on the TV.

Oh!
Aah!

He's hiding.
He's cowering.

Ah! You

Oh.

Aah!

Aah!

I'm done.

I'm done.

Quit.

Quit.

Quit.

Quit.

Take it off.

Murr: Here we go.
Here we go.

Aah!

Oh!

Oh, you a*s

now, where are the sisters?

Oh!

Oh, no!

Aah!

You

don't even do it.

Don't even do it.

Come play.

I'm not playing with you.

Oh, you little son of a b*tch.

Son of a b*tch.

Little son of a b*tch.

The game is "sisters!"

Murr:
The game is real!

Look, I'm sorry.
I know you're an actress.

I know you're a child.

It's not funny.

♪♪

You are a little son of a b*tch.

It's not funny.

Stop it now.

The both of you are children,
and I'm not afraid.

Dude, you're 40.

- You can leave.
- You can leave.

I can?

All right.

Oh, oh, man.

Oh, Benjamin cat.

Benjamin cat returns.

I hate you guys!