07x06 - Turning the Tables

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up,
why is sal giving joy rides?

What's got Joe
going for the knockout?

Pssh! Pssh! Pssh!
Pssh! Pssh!

And which losing joker will be
the centerpiece of disaster

in tonight's punishment?

Sal: Prepare for
something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr: I want my mommy!

Sal:
I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Don't hit me!

Today, we're at willowbrook
in Wayne, New Jersey,

cruising around
in our sweet ride.

We rigged this mobility scooter
to be remote controlled.

So, as we ride around on it,

the guys will be
controlling where we go

and telling us what to do.

If you refuse anything
or hit this button

and shut down the chair...

You lose.
- Ah, the lazy-a*s challenge.

We're back at it, boys.
Here we go.

Murr, did you pick up
a shift on sanitation?

Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, hey.

Oh, my gosh. Well, I got it.
I got it. You take a break.

You take a break.

Murr, if you take your hands
off it, you lose.

I am holding.

Murr, we have to apologize.
We forgot your birthday.

Murr, go around singing
"happy birthday" to yourself.

♪ Happy... ♪

♪ ...birthday to me ♪

♪ happy birthday to me ♪

Thanks, man. I blew out
my candle by accident.

Oh, is that right?
- I love when we find good guys.

Let's just... wait, oh, oh,

I'm coming with you
to the food court.

Yeah, yeah, I'll come with you.
Yeah, I'm coming.

I'm coming.
Hold on.

Is... do you mind holding
the cake for a second?

Thanks. Thanks, just hold it.
I'm coming.

Is it this way?
You lead the way.

I'm... I'm com...
I'm coming, I'm coming.

I'm good. I'm coming,
I'm coming.

Here we go. Here we go.
The food court. This way?

Joe: Here we go.

- Hi, buddy.
- Hey. How you doin'?

Sal, did you go shopping today?

- Not yet.
- You pick up
a shirt or anything?

No.

Start saying "world star"
when we bump you into people.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

World star.

Sal, get people to go with you
if they want to live.

Sal: Come with me
if you want to live.

There's not a lot of time.

Oh, you're coming?
You're coming with me?

All right.
All right.

Sal, get more people.
Get more people to go with
you if they want to live.

There's not a lot of time.
Please. Don't question it.

Just come with me.
Jump on.

Get on. Get on.
There's not a lot of time.

-There's not a lot of time.
Come on.
-There's not a lot of time.

Wanna hop on?

Let's go.
Come on.

All right,
let's get out of here.

- This chair is not...
- The chair's not moving.

We might be at capacity.

Sal, say to the people
on the couch,

"come with us
if you want to live".

Come with us
if you want to live.

There's not a lot of time.

- World star!
- World star.

World star!

Sal, just go, "hmm".

Mmm.

"I'm so hard
right now."

I'm so hard right now.

Q: Sal, look at
the back of the chair.

All right. Surf's up,
a*s hat, right?

You're not using this as an
opportunity to knock him off?

Cowabunga dudes...

Sal:
Q, untie your shoe.

"Excuse me, ma'am, sir, can
someone help me tie my shoe?"

Excuse me, could you
help me tie my shoe?

I'm having trouble...

- There we go. Here we go.
- Sure.

Oh, my god, thank you.

Wait... when she starts,
go. Go. Go.

Oh, there we go.
Thank you. There we go.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes. This is perfect.

Whoa boy. Okay, we got it.
We got it. This is great.

Oh, yeah, double knot,
because it gets dangerous.

Yeah. That's how I got
in this chair to begin with...

An untied shoelace.

Ugh... eh!

Thank you for trying.

"Let's do it again."

This is... all right.
Just have it run its course.

- Do you need help?
- I do.

Oh, my god, thank you so much!

Do you want me to
tie it for you?

- Please, yes.
- Back it up, murr.

Back it up.

- Whoop.
- "World star."

- All right, all right. Sorry.
- Here we go. Here we go.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

All right, oh!
Oh!

All right.

Okay, we got it.

- "Got it"!
- This is what hap... ow!

When my shoe isn't tied.

Okay. All right.
There we go.

- Whoa!
- Q, I'm out
of control of it.

I'm not in control of it.
- The whole joystick came off.

He's got the joystick
in his hands!

Keep it spinning.
Keep it spinning.

This is a donation.

So, you don't know
what you're gonna get,

you know, with a donation.
So, yeah. Okay.

There's a k*ll switch,
but I'm not doing it.

- Joey!
- Shopping for sales.

"I got scripts.
I got generics."

Scripts, generics.

"I got scripts,
I got generics."

I got scripts.
I got generics.

And he opened selling
prescription drugs.

You need Adderall?

Q: Joey, eat
that kid's pretzel.

Want one?

Even in the middle
of a turn, he finds food.

Oh, careful.
Oh, just... that's...

Does the little guy
need Adderall?

Do you need Adderall?

Back it up.

Yeah, I'm just going to
back out and got caught on it.

Yeah, it's... I'm caught...
I don't seem to be...

Oh, geez.
Oh, careful.

I'm trying to stop...
It's malfunctioning.

Sal: Hit the smoke.
Hit the smoke.

Murr: We hid a smoke machine
in Joe's scooter.

Joe:
It's malfunctioning.

Sal:
Hit the smoke! Hit the smoke!
Hit the smoke! Hit the smoke!

Murr: We hid a smoke machine
in Joe's scooter.

Yeah.

It overheats when I'm moving
heavy furniture.

"Cd? DVD?"

Cd, DVD?

- "I got all the hits."
- I got all the hits...

- "traffic".
- Did he say,
"I've got 'traffic'"?

The movie "traffic"?
From 10 years ago?

- "A league of their own".
- "A league of their own".

"The abyss".

Cds, DVD.

"Kramer vs. Kramer."
"Terms of endearment."

"On golden pond."
Cds? DVDs?

"Herbie go bananas". Cds, DVDs.
"Full yellow jacket."

"Full metal jacket".

Oh, god.

Oh.
Smuggage.

Why does every turn Joe
does devolve into chaos?

All right, Joe, sal's gonna
direct you to people.

You're gonna go up and ask them

if they can give you
something to pee in.

- That's it.
- That ain't happening.

Narrator:
Joe went up in smoke, so he's
first up on the loser board.

Today, we're are teaming up
at vr world NYC,

an awesome
virtual-reality arcade.

And while we're
assisting gamers,

we'll have to do and say
whatever the other guys tell us.

If you refuse to do
or say anything, you lose.

Oh sh...

Oh, my god!

Wow. That game
is so realistic.

These are your hands.
You can press and hold.

- Point to the word "fight".
- Yep.

- Click on it.
- Murr, okay.

Now, tell him,
"I will now lower your fly".

Oh, g...

Oh, my god.

Now...

Now, normally, you have shorts
on when you box, okay?

What we're gonna do is,
we're gonna unzip the fly

so you feel like
the sport, okay?

- So, just hold on one second.
- He's doing it.

I'm just gonna unzip the fly.

- There we go.
- Wow!
- Nice work, buddy!

Now, you're in there.
Get in there!

- Yes!
- All right.

- Wow!
- Okay. There we go.

All right,
you guys came to play.

- Here we go.
- Here he is.
- There you go.

Start taking selfies
with him, guys.

Yeah, you do.

"The sound effects
might not all be working."

The sound effects
might not be working,

so, we'll provide sound effects.

Pssh! Pssh!
Oh! Pssh! Pssh!

- Gee! Guh!
- Don't-a hit me!

Ooh!

Who's he boxing, chef boyardee?

- Ugh! Don't-a hit me!
- Don't-a hit me!

- He's dead.
- Yeah, you died.

- Psh! Psh!
- Oh, no! You're back!

Oh, don't-a hit me!
Don't-a hit me!

Sal: We're flying out a couple
of mustads for you.

Put them on, for when
he takes off the headset.

You guys both have mustaches.

You look like Magnum, p.I.'S
scumbag Italian cousin.

Murr:
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

Ugh! Got to... get him!
Knock him out!

All right, very good. Take your
headset off. Relax for a second.

You definitely... it definitely
got hairy in there.

Show him all the pictures
you guys took

while he was in the mask.

Well, here, we'll show...
We'll show you how you did.

Always, always keep
your arms up here, okay?

Like Joe's doing.

But that's embarrassing.
Your fly was open.

Joe, just start malfunctioning

and do the sound effects
right now.

See, your style here,
you're dropping your right...

- Don't-a hit me!
- You're not protecting yourself,
okay?

Sexy?
Do you have a sexy one?

Don't-a hit me.

Don't-a hit me.

I'm sal. This is Brian,
by the way.

We have different stations
with different games.

My favorite is
"zombie hunter 3000."

I like
"zombie hunter 3000."

Q, your favorite is
"violent crack addiction."

I like
"violent crack addiction."

You go through all the stages of
crack addiction, from buying it

and then, your life
really goes downhill.

You got fired from your job.

Then, you're doing things
to earn money for crack.

Nobody has ever gotten
to the final stage,

which is where you make amends.

Play with that a little bit
and see if you can

improve your clarity.

Guys, whisper in both her ears.

Okay.
There's the other one.

- Just put that on your left hand.
- Gotcha.

There are a lot of cables.

- I'm just...
- Keep whispering.

We're also not going
to let you walk anywhere...

You don't need to be.
So, you can feel safe.

They're so stupid!

Joe:
On the count of three, I want
both of you to run up to the guy

that's watching
and whisper in his ear,

"she's doing great".

One, two, and three.

Keep whispering.

You're not playing your own game
while she's playing...

you can watch the education...

- Cut it out!
- I think, careful with this one

because it looks like
she knows how to handle a g*n.

You guys...

On the count of three,

I want you to both go,
"okay, byeeee".

- One, two, three.
- Okay, bye.

Murr: Q, pull her aside
for a second.

Let me talk to you
one second over here, please?

"I produce some erotic
vr stuff on the side
if you're interested."

I...
Okay, no, all right.

I have some bad news for you.

Yeah, this is what happens
when you go off on your own.

Narrator: Virtual reality bites
for q and sal,

so they're up on
the loser board.

Today, we're chatting up
strangers in the park,

playing a game called
"pass the buck."

At some point,
the guys'll send someone over

to accuse us of something
really embarrassing.

You've got a choice...
You can take the blame yourself

or blame the stranger
sitting next to you.

If you can't throw the person
sitting next to you

under the bus, you lose.

Narrator: It's sal and Joe in a
"joker vs. Joker challenge."

Joe: Here we go.

Q: Oh, look at this picture
of innocence approaching.

Joe: Sal already knows
she's coming.

- Sal doesn't that's it's
a little girl!
- Sal already sees it.

Can you tell me what
"cracked out d-bag" means?

Can I tell you what
"cracked out d-bag" means?

- Yeah.
- You can't tell her,
but I bet this guy can.

I've never heard that term,

but he could tell you
what it means.

- Can you...
- No. No. You don't need that.

It's fine.

You'll learn later on.

This guy told me
you would tell me.

No. I'm not telling you.
I don't even know this guy.

Okay. Thanks.

Murr: You won,
but you look like a jerk!

Congrats on such a big book.

- All right.
- Send him in.

Hi.
Did you just cat-call me?

- All right.
- Send him in.

Hi.
Did you just cat-call me?

Murr: Go ahead. Blame the guy
next to you, bud.

Yeah.

Murr: He can't blame
the other guy.

Q: That's a loss.

You're just real popular
with the little ones.

I'm real popular with the
little ones in this park, yeah.

Well, they're real popular
with me.

- Oh, really?
- I ju... -i just tell them
how I feel.

"I sh**t from the hip.
I'm an honest guy".

I sh**t from the hip.
I'm an honest guy.

The kids appreciate it.

The kids appreciate it,
obviously.

You see they come up
and say, "thank you."

Joe, just ask him how old he is,

and then don't ask
anything else.

How old are you?

Eh.

No shot.

Narrator:
Joe couldn't pass the buck,

which makes him
tonight's big loser.

Joe is today's big loser,
so for his punishment,

we've taken him to
the bustling heartland brewery

in Times Square.

Joe...

I hate when you guys
have the giggles.

You are a manager
and you're on break.

I'm on...

It's not what you think.

Some of the tables upstairs
are ours, and they break.

Go break the tables.

The other ones that aren't ours,
what happens to those?

- Don't... don't...
- They don't break.

So, don't break.

Well, I guess they could break.

It'll be fun today.

- All right, buddy.
- All right, here he is.

It's lunch time with your busy
Times Square crowd,

and among all of these tables,
only eight of them break.

Q: Good luck
finding them.

Everybody's doing okay?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Good, great.

Joe, just say, "I'm a manager".

I'm a manager,
so, anything you need.

So, the people sitting at
"our" tables are with us.

The rest of the
customers are real

and have no idea
what's happening.

But Joe, all the tables
look the same.

I was hoping that
would've been a misstep.

No. No, no.

I mean, I got to try this table.

I'm going to try this table,
with the dude, here.

- There he goes.
- Everything okay?

What'd you get there?
The beef stroganoff?

Meatloaf.

Sorry about that.

You know, I could...
I could find out if...

They could get you
another burger.

Yeah, I could find out.

We might have some in the...
We were getting a delivery.

The table's
not just gonna crumble

if you put five pounds
of pressure on it.

We're gonna need you
to go full... airborne.

Oh, my god.

It's lunch time with your busy
Times Square crowd,

and among all of these tables,
only eight of them break.

Q: Good luck
finding them.

Murr:
That's a fail, bud.

We got a broken glass up front.

- Look at the guy's face!
- Oh, he's pissed.

We'll get you another water,
there. We'll clean that up.

Well, good thing
you got the raincoat on

'cause you got a little
wet with the water.

Sorry. I got to clean this up.
This is a little slippery.

Oh, the floor's slippery?
Careful.

I didn't realize there was
so much water on the...

Whoops.

Sal: He went down
like a dead body.

That's unfortunate.

We're gonna need another table.

I'm a manager.

People are in disbelief.

- And this place is dead quiet.
- You're not done yet.

That's just one.

I'm the manager. Yeah,
just checking to make sure

it's sturdy.

Yeah, that's good.
That's solid.

That's a for-sure-ski.

But he just laid
in their plates.

- And everything good?
- Yeah, thank you.

- Excellent.
- Pretty good.

Good.
Thank you so much.

I'm not sure about this one.

There's only one way
to find out, though.

I've just got to do it
like a band-aid.

I'm okay.
I'm a manager.

- That's my bad.
- Keep going.

- Keep going, keep going.
- And that one stung.

I'm gonna try
this table behind me.

Please do.

Sal: Jump, right now,
on that table. Jump!

I'm a manager.
Get them a cheesecake.

Halfway there, buddy.

Joe, the one to your left
looks pretty peculiar.

Joe: Cheers, guys.

Not one of ours, Joe!

I caught my d*ck.

I need more padding.

You weirdo.

I'm the manager.
How's the bread...

That one was easier, guys.

You were just messing
with me there.

That one was easy..

"How's the bread."

♪ ...birthday to you. ♪

Uh-oh, it's somebody's
birthday, Joe.

♪ Happy birthday,
happy birthday ♪

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

Yay!

♪ How old are you now? ♪

Joe, you're just standing there.

Sal:
In what world is what you're
doing an acceptable thing?

You're drenched,
covered in food and alcohol,

and you're hovering.

Joe:
All right, it.

Found it.

Look at this one.

Oh, my god.

We'll just...
Continue.

Q: Oh, Joe, that shirt's
seen better days.

Joe: My god. This is terrible.
How many more?

Q: All right.
Down to the last one.

- Not bad, Joe.
- What is this?

Look, some tables are harder
to break than others.

Sometimes, you need to
get off the top rope.

You, guys.

I mean, that's what
I want to see.

Oh, that's it.

Q: If that's not a hint,
I don't know what is.

Does that table next
to the ladder break or not?

Well, there's only one
way to find out, huh?

Oh!

Ohh, my god!

Sal: Everyone in the restaurant
is watching you,

just anticipating the jump.

Do you want to back up?

I mean...

This is happening.

Oh!

Yeah!

I'm a manager.

No, no, it's good.

I get 82% off the check.

Q: Look at
the carnage.

Somebody threw a towel.

I'm a manager.

All right, Joe, good job.

You found all of our tables.

All right, well, Joe crushed it.

And now, we're gonna
break it down

and show you how
this punishment happened

and bonus footage
from tonight's episode.

- Oh, my...
- Help yourself to the
free dessert, Casey.

- I'm a manager.
- Oh, my god.

This - is this
a little bit of revenge?

I smell revenge.

Yeah, this is...
Well, here's the difference...

Joe's gonna be jumping through

using his own body weight.

I got thrown through
with maximum force.

I did not know that was
going to happen to me.

Right.

Joe, for me, has been one of
the funniest people I know,

as far as physicality,
in my life.

And so,
we're embracing that today.

Yay!

We are currently loading
all of our breakaway tables.

We made the breakaway tables
out of green insulation foam

from a hardware store.

Whoops!

You know what's funny?
Everybody is worried about me.

Because they know
that they're ing...

I get hurt and I'm down,
they don't work.

'Cause they're by day, everyone.

So, if I get hurt, that's it.

Everybody gets a paycheck.
It's all about the shcatto.

No, people are
worried about you.

People don't want to see
this beautiful face get busted.

It's 50/50.

Change a lightbulb.

The lightbulbs.

Oh, my god!

This is happening.

Yeah!

I'm a manager.

No, no, it's good.

Okay, so, this is sometimes
the aftermath of punishment.

We had a medic standing by,

and Joe's getting some ice.

Q's fire-department training
is coming in handy right now.

I think you've got to go for it.

All my wwe training came out.

It was great.

This is tough, Joe.
Is there anything

you want to say, or...?

I need some bonus footage.

Can we at least get
some bonus footage?

Murr, fly out of you chair.

Oh!

Sal:
She doesn't care.

Joe:
Here we go.

Sal, just, when you roll by
this woman in the cane,

just go "show off."

Show off.

We've had some
technical difficulties

with the chair today.

That's a wall.
That's a wall.

Joe, I'm not controlling it.

It won't stop.

It won't stop.
It's not working.

- It won't stop?
- It won't stop.

Murray, Murray, it won't stop.

- Where are you?
- I'm under you, you idiots.

You can't see me.
Go straight.

Hard right.

A little left.
Keep going left.

Left, left, hard left.
Hard left. That's right.

Sorry.
Left is right and right is left,

it's a little confusing.

I'm just going
right into our cameraman.

Sal: I'm trying... I'm hit...
I'm hitting "backwards."

You need Adderall?

Guys, are we a
hidden-camera TV show?

How do you expect them
to do hidden camera?

It won't go.

Q, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Oh, man.

Malfunction.

It's like
the wild west out here.