07x09 - Pulling the Rug

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up, why are
the jokers running for cover?

Sal: Hide wherever
you're gonna hide!

What's got sal acting like
a scaredy-cat?

And which losing joker
will be served up

a hair-raising punishment?

Sal:
Prepare for something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr:
I want my mommy!

Sal:
I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Cannolis! Cannolis!

Okay, you ready?
Yeah.

Stick with me.
This is really happening.

For the first time ever in
"impractical jokers" history,

we're doing
a surprise challenge.

That's right!
Sal and q...

Sal and q.

Have no idea
what's about to happen.

So right now, in 60 seconds,

a cleaning lady
is about to come up here,

and we're gonna play
hide-and-seek in this b*tch.

That's right. The first person
to get caught loses.

I have to go... no, you don't!

Run! Go!

Joe: 60 seconds!
60 seconds! Don't get caught!

Are you being serious?

100%!
Hide wherever you're gonna hide!

What if we're hiding
for two hours?

Joe: You just hide
and don't get caught!

But where?
Where's she gonna go?

Hide!
She's coming here.

Murr: Use your cellphones
to record your faces.

Why?
What are you talking about?

I don't have time for this.

You better hide.
You're gonna lose.

- I-I don't know what to do.
- I don't know what to do.

Aah! You

use your cellphones
to record you inside the thing.

You're me right now.

Guys, I'm not...
You gave me 30 seconds.

I have no hiding spot.

Murr: Yeah,
that's on you.

But, guys, I'm not
prepared for this.

Nobody's prepared for this.

Sal, find another spot, a*s

♪♪

Jesus Christ.

We're not gonna leave
for 20 hours.

She's gonna catch
one of us pretty quickly.

♪♪

I hear her, I hear her.

She's been instructed
to clean inside every item.

Yeah, but you guys are assuming
that I can film for 30 minutes

and not run out of
hard-drive space.

It's not gonna be 30 minutes.

It's gonna be a few minutes
until she finds one of us.

How long am I intended
to stay here?

You got to run this
by us, what the

it's supposed to be
a surprise, you dumbass.

How am I supposed to
run a surprise by you?

Guys, you gonna give the
woman a heart attack,

by the way.

This might've been a bad idea.

Sal: You think?
Who is she closest to?

I'm 200 yards from her.

I'm gonna be in this laundry bin

for all night?

Also, this thing I'm in
is filthy.

I was wearing, like,
a nice sweater and stuff.

Q: The way you guys
are blabber-mouthing,

she's gonna find
one of you quick.

Oh guys.

What?

Is she close as hell?

No, I accidentally went...

I went on the Internet,
and I thought

my phone would continue
recording and it didn't.

You idiot.
Keep recording.

I'm recording again.

Joe, where are you hiding?

I'm up your a*s and to the left.

Joe, where are you hiding?

Now I'm a guy
just standing in a blanket.

I'm like Casper.

That's your hiding spot?

You had hours
to prepare.
Now I'm shaking.

You're standing...

You're standing straight up
under a blanket?

Joe, Joe, how the

is this supposed to play
for television?

This is one of those
"great on paper" ideas.

The execution's not good.

Oh, man, Murray, she's, like,
right in front of you.

♪♪

She's dusting my box right now.

That's what she said.

♪♪

I moved spots.
She's not gonna find me.

How?

Oh, don't worry about that.

I can't believe this.
I'm done.

This was stupid.

This was a stupid choice.

Sal:
She's coming near me.

I can start to hear her now.

She's right by me.

Oh, my god, she's...
She's one foot from my leg.

She's definitely gonna find me.

Murr:
I've dying, so...

All right, boys, it's time to
play chess and not checkers.

Hey, Siri, call James Murray.

No, don't you dare call me.

Don't...

Don't call.
Don't call!

Stop, stop.

Stop.

Q: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
She's looking.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.
Yeah!
Murray lost!

Murray lost.

Q:
He lost?
Yeah.

Oh, my god.
Yeah!

Murray lost.

Nice work.

Joe: Murray loses!

Narrator:
Murr got caught,

so he's hiding out
on the loser board.

Today, we're working
behind the counter

at the famous Carlo's bakery.

While helping customers
with their delicious pastries,

we've got to do and say
what the other guys tell us.

If you refuse to do
or say anything, you lose.

Can I go?! Can I go?!
Cannolis!

There was no
holding him here.
Joe:
Give me the cannolis!

Sal:
Here we go.

So, people come here
for "cake boss."

Joe: Destination to come try
some of Carlo's bakery pastry.

Hi, guys.
How are you?

Murr, everything they order
fits in one small box.

Thank you.

And...

What else?
The red velvet?

What else would you guys like?

Cannoli?

Okay.

Joe:
Push it down.

Here you go.

You can pay
at the register, okay?

You can't go wrong
with the six-cupcake box.

It's fantastic.

Let's get
the biggest box they have

and put the six cupcakes
in the biggest box.

♪♪

Which cupcakes do you want?

That's a big box for six.

And then a chocolate
strawberry-covered cheesecake...

Get a second box.
Get a second box.
Get a second box!

You want one more of these.

Okay.

Q:
It's bigger!

Uh, you are all set.

Register's down at the end.

Thank you so much.

Hi, guys. Oh, come on.
Come on down.

You're waiting
so patiently over there.

"What can I get
the ugly one?"

Wh...

You know what?
My shift is over.

Here we go.
Next.

What can I get
for your mouth hole?

Sal: Joe, grab a box,
cut the bottom out,

then when she opens the box,
it's your middle finger.

Oh, you know what, you can't
leave without trying this.

Go ahead, open that up.

Got you.

Six-cupcake box.

Joe, you were given six weeks
to live six weeks to go.

Speaking of six, the doctor said

I only have
six weeks left to live.

Yeah, and I found out
six weeks ago.

Yeah, so time's almost up.

Joe, you know
what you got to do.

Oh, it's getting spotty.

Joe: I only have
six weeks left to live,

and I found out six weeks ago.

Yeah.

Joe, you know
what you got to do.

Oh it's getting spotty.

It's almost 2:37.

That's when I went
to the doctor.

This is his dying breaths,
and he's serving cupcakes.

All: Five, four,
three, two, one...

Out of all these pastries,
if you had to bake one,

what do you think...
Which one you could make?

No!
What are you doing?

What did you do?

I wanted him to open his mouth,

so he was talking, and I put...

Shoved in
the half-baked cannoli I ate.

You look like
an extra on "oz."

Oh, wait, "oz"?

Hi, how are you guys?

Sal, you're a scared cat
when they order.

I'm gonna do a f...

Um, so...

Yeah, five bags of cannoli.

And you said you wanted
a pound of sugar with it?

Scared cat.

Murr: The tray
is a singular item.

I'm sorry, you startled me.

Hi.
What can I get you?

Just a regular lobster claw.

"I good numbers, but bad words.

How many tasties
you chomping?"

I good numbers, bad words.

How many tasties you chomping?

Sal, go, "oh, face have
gray caterpillar."

Oh, face have gray caterpillar.

"Me pet-pet?"

Me pet?

Christine, you look thrilled
to be here at work.

Christine, you have to
go downstairs for something.

♪♪

Yes!

Christine, do your
impression of Murray

subtly cleaning the counter.

She even fixed the bow tie!

It's become a murr joke!

Sal:
Q, tell the guy,

"I just pinched
the sweetest loaf of shortbread.

You want some?"

Oh...

bunch of normal...

I'm gonna
tell you something, though.

I just pinched
the sweetest loaf of shortbread.

You just pinched it?

Yeah.
It's unbelievable.

Can I just try a taste?

You want to try?
Yeah, no problem.

Do we have that
pinched-out shortbread?

Murr:
Here he comes!

Two of
the caramel cream.
Oh.

I fired you two weeks ago!

Remember,
you stole all the fondant?

Get out of there, cake b*tch!

All right. He's the cake boss,
so I'm just the cake b*tch.

You know, I didn't really
pinch out a loaf of shortbread.

Murr: You ever
see "Hamilton"?

You ever see "Hamilton"?

You ever watch that?

Did you ever see "Hamilton"?

No, I didn't.

No?
Might, um...

Narrator: There's no way
to sugarcoat it...

Murr's back up
on the loser board.

Today, we're in the park
getting strangers to help us

teach "our kids" a life lesson.

However,
the ridiculous life lesson

will be given to us
by the other guys.

If you can't get the stranger to
back up this absurd life lesson,

you lose.

I think we're learning
that we shouldn't be parents.

Uh-oh.

It's q and Joe in a
"joker vs. Joker" challenge.

Want to sit
for a minute?
Yeah.

Q:
Here we go.

It's never too early
to get ready for college.

You remember that.
Just have to remember.

You can do anything you want,
anything you want.

Except for
that silly dream she has

about being a baseball player.

She can't do that.

Some dreams are realistic,
some are not, though.

If I'm gonna be honest with you,
this just in...

That silly dream you have
about being a baseball player,

that's not gonna happen.

You know, you should set your...
More accordingly.

Her eyes are flickering.

But I really want to be
a baseball player.

No.

Oh!

Sal:
She's literally like,

"do I turn to this guy
and tell him off right now?"

Joe: You can do
anything you want.

Q: Except for
that silly dream she has

about being a baseball player.

So, that silly dream you have
about being a baseball player,

that's not gonna happen, right?

Oh!

I mean, trust me,
it's a wasted idea.

I mean, you could ask anybody.

You can ask me.

Murr: Oh!
She's weighing in!

Can you tell her

she couldn't be a baseball
player if she wanted to be?

Oh, that's not necessarily true.

I mean,
you can pick up anything,

I think, anytime
at any age and any gender.

You know, you should pick up
basketball, you do the wnba.

"Foxy boxing."

Foxy boxing's
another opportunity.

I just wish there was
more opportunities for somebody

who's athletically inclined
like women, you know?

Well, that's changing,
and hopefully,

it's going to be changing
for the better,

where everyone gets a fair
opportunity for everything.

"Sure, you could be president
of, like, a lingerie company."

You could even
be president one day.

♪♪

Of a lingerie company.

I'm sure if you like it enough
and you work hard at it,

you're passionate enough,
you can achieve almost anything.

You see, this is a smart lady.

She clearly did not think
my life lesson was correct.

Sal:
Oh, my god.

Oh, Logan.

Just a father and his son

chilling in the park
on a beautiful day.

Yep.

Joe: There you go.
Setting the backstory.

And I know you're upset
about your hamster dying.

Yeah.

"Your hamster will come back to
life if you go to the dentist."

Daddy's got
some good news for you.

You know how you're upset
about your hamster dying?

Yeah?

If you go to the dentist,

your hamster
will come back to life.

Oh, yes!

Fathers have magical powers.
Ask anybody.

Excuse me, ladies?
His hamster just died.

Aww.
And he's a little
upset about it.

But he also needs
to go to the dentist.

So I'm making him a deal.

As we know,
I get a one-time ability

to raise a pet
from the dead if I want,

'cause I'm the daddy.

Only dad can do it.

What?

He went paws-up last week.
He's been a little upset.

Right? Huh?

I like that.

People just love lying to kids.

They love lying to children.

Good work, q.

I can resurrect a dead hamster.

Narrator:
Joe got schooled,

but murr
is still tonight's big loser.

All right.
Murr is our loser.

Yes, we're at the world-famous
delmonico's restaurant

in New York City,
founded in 1837,

and I guarantee you,

what's going to happen today
has never happened here before.

That's right.

Well, murr, you have some recent
experience with wigs, correct?

Not by choice.

Okay, well, somebody
in delmonico's is wearing a wig.

Is it your hair?
No, it is not.

You have to find that wig.

All right.
There he is.

Q: Oh, yeah,
the newest waiter.

Oh, my god.

It's a packed restaurant.

So many heads,
so many choices, buddy.

Guys...

There's 200 people
in this restaurant.

Yeah, and there's one wig.

Sal: You know who's definitely
not wearing a wig?

Murray?
Yeah.

You guys need anything?
You want some water?

Murr, stop wasting time
filling up the bald guy's water

and get in there
and yank some hair.

Oh, my god, it's him. It's this
guy right here for sure.

Look at that.
It's totally fake.

Get in there, murr.

♪♪

You're frozen in your tracks.

I don't know what to do.

You're a deer
in headlights right now.

I can't!

I thought... I mean...

Look at him!
Look at him!

I've never seen him
like this before.

All right, I got to...
I'm going in quick.

Just do it and live with it!

Gentlemen, do you need anything?

Oh!

Did he do it?!
Did he do it?!

It's real.
It's real.

It's got to be this guy.

Another victim.

Get in there, murr.

No, it's real.
It's real.

This is the worst.

You know, I don't know if
this has crossed your mind yet,

but all genders wear wigs.

Yes.

Oh, there's a whole table
full of old women there, too.

Oh!
Oh!
Oh!

The gals out for brunch.

Is it the woman in the back?
Is it her?

Who?
Queen blowout?

Hold on.
It's definitely her.

Look at her hair.

It's definitely not her.

It is no way her.

Let me...
Let me squeeze in here.

Here we go.
I'm sorry.

Oh, god.
Here we go.

♪♪

Murr: 200 people
in this restaurant.

Joe:
And there's one wig.

Hold on.
It's definitely her.

Look at how... look at her hair.

It's definitely not her.

It is no way her.

Let me get...
Let me squeeze in here.

Here we go.
I'm sorry.

Oh...

Here we go.

Your hair looks fantastic today,
by the way.

It looks...

It looks...

So I don't know what to say.

Oh, the hair dresser?

Murr,
I wouldn't do it. I...

Shut up!
Shut up!

It's... it's fantastic.

It's fantastic.

And it's all yours, too,
which is great.

I'm really sweating.

You look like me out there.

These people seem suspect,

the older lady and the guy
with the blond hair.

Both these people look
right here they have wigs on.

Whose do I pull?

Jesus gave you two hands, buddy.

Hey, guys. Let me...
Let me refill these.

You gonna try and get both off?

Can I give you a suggestion
for dessert, by the way?

Yes.

So, my favorite on the menu
is the crème brûlée,

and I'll tell you why.
Come on in.

What they do is that they...

Q:
Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!

Your hair are both real.

I feel like a fool.

Take care.

Sal: Whoa!
And the game continues.

Wait. He's gonna pull
every person's hair in there.

That was our guy,
so we don't know

what the's gonna happen now.

Geez...

I mean, you can't ask
for a better thing to happen.

He's stuck here now
for eternity.

And they have oysters.

This woman's just
fixing her hair.

Oh, yeah, do you...
It's off in the back a little.

You see how...

No, it's good.

Oh, my god.
It's clearly not that table.

Okay.
Murray,
a lot of heads left.

You got to go
pick up speed, buddy.

- All right, here we go.
- It.

Nope, nope, nope.

I don't know what to do.

I got to be honest...
I don't care.

There's 200 people.
I...

Oh, wait...

Where's your head at, murr?

I think... This woman
with gray hair...

Okay.
I think I might not
have tugged hard enough.

Okay.

I can't believe he thinks
it's the woman over the guy.

Oh, gosh, I don't know.

But I tugged already,
and it didn't come off.

How hard do I have to tug
to get it off?

How hard do you have to tug
to get it off?

Nobody else?
Really?

All right.
Here we go.

Guys,
everything hot and delicious?

Nice one.
All right, great.

And forgive me, I just want
to make sure everything's good

and just one last time,
if everything's great and...

Not bad, right?

Sure.

Got him, got him.
And the hunt is over.

Nice work, buddy.
Oh, my god.

Get me out of this restaurant.

I'm just leaving.

♪♪

All right.
Murr got to keep the wig

'cause he found it
in tonight's punishment.

Now you get a behind-the-scenes
look of how it happened

and bonus footage
from tonight's episode.

Murr...
Looking good.

You made that wig
all sweaty now.

Yeah, I know,
I'm drenched in sweat.

Enough with these punishments.

It seems like
the punishment worked out

that you kind of got
some revenge, too.

Yeah, because I was
sniffing diapers.

Joe: Wait a minute,
look...

Oh!

Yeah, and this is definitely
the next step of it.

It's actually worse,

because I can sniff a diaper
and not get caught.

James, so, these are
some of the other wigs

that they were gonna
put on the actor.

Right, and they definitely
change your look.

This one's a very smart wig,

this is more like
a hair-metal band,

and this more of the Rachel,
the Bob look, "friends."

Am I doing it right?

Uh...

Oh, my god.
It's him.

It's this guy right here
for sure. Look at that.

It's totally fake.

Stop yelling
and slowly pick it up.

It's got to be...
It's got to be this guy.

♪♪

Sorry about that.
Excuse me.

Joe:
Yes, yes!

This is not a playful place.

This is a place
where million-dollar deals

are closed, right, or lost...

Every day.
Every single day.

This guy behind me, sitting with
the girl, blue shirt.

How you doing, sir?
Great. Very good. Excuse me.

Sal:
Oh, my god.

Oh, my god!

He's fixing his hair and with
a face like, "what the hell?"

Oh, my god.

Oh.
What did...
what did you just do?

I got a... I got some...

I got some oysters,
Mac and cheese, crab cake.

Can I have a fork, please?

Can we have two forks?
I'm not an animal.

Murr, as I was saying,
you're not in this alone.

We're back here
for you and with you,

and we're also throwing down
a bunch of oysters back here.

Now he's literally
just working a shift.

Your hair smells fantastic,
by the way.

What do you... what's that...
What do you use?

I can smell it.
It smells great.

Oh, my god, it smells great.
It's great. It smells great.

Very good.

Really? There you go.
Keep it going.

Want me to fill this up
for you, sir?

Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. Excuse me.
I'm sorry about that.

My apologies.
My apologies.

Nice slip!
Oh, nice, murr!

Got to get
the distraction technique.

That was slick!

I mean, I got to
give you credit, man.

You are just getting in there
and getting down and dirty.

How's it going, guys?
What are you looking for?

Murr: Q, tell them how good
the customers are here.

We have the best customers
in the world here.

"I mean, just recently, someone
tried to Rob the store..."

Just... just recently,
somebody tried to Rob the store.

"and our customers
beat the person to the ground,

m*rder*d him right there
where you're standing."

And our customers
beat the guy to death.

Really?

Our customers did that.
Oh, wow.

There's a crime scene right
where you're standing right now.

That's on me, man, that's on me.

I can help you out.

Okay.

"Uh, we don't say
stuff like that anymore."

We don't say
things like that anymore.

Oh, we don't.
Murr: No.

"A confectionery-American,
please."

We say "confectionery-American,"
you know,

instead of
"chocolate person."