08x17 - Urine Trouble

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up, what's got
murr seeking out the sleuth?

How about
a detective bluto mindpretzel?

Is there trouble
in paradise for q?

Q, here are the photos
I took of your wife.

And which losing joker
will feel the burn

in tonight's punishment?

Sal:
Prepare for something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr: Like a boss!

Sal:
I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Q: Like Godzilla returning
from whence he came.

We are back playing
our favorite game...

Cranges?

Cranges mcbasketball?

While checking people
into their appointment,

we're gonna have to read out
some strange names

that have been written
by the other guys.

Cranges? Cranges?
Is there a cranges mcbasketball?

The goal is not to laugh
while reading the weird names.

Whoever laughs the most, loses.

Also, we've written them
for the other guys.

Is there a cranges?!

Cranges mcbasketball?

Joe: Here we go, murr.

Hello.

- Yes.
- Go ahead, have a seat.

I will just call your names
in a minute.

Sometimes we have a desk
that blocks us.

Oh, the no-partition is
definitely a game-changer.

You're the no-partition?

Yeah, I'm screwed.
I'm screwed.

Yeah.
You are.

Guys, I'm gonna
call out some names

that pop up on the screen.

I don't know who's here
or who's already inside, but...

Pamela Anderson Cooper?

Pamela Anderson Cooper?
No?

That's one hot newscaster.

That's a hot newscaster.

Pamela Anderson Cooper.

He gets it.
Now he gets it.

Now he got it.

All right, next, next.

Is there a Don?

Don day?
Don day?

Don day elbaño?

Don day elbaño?
No?

Oh, I thought that
was gonna get him.

No.
Good, murr.

Good job, buddy.

Is...

Yeah!
You got him!

Is there a deedee megadoodoo?

Is deedee megadoodoo here?

Everybody laughs.
We got him!

Well, how about, uh...

Jacquette? Jacquette?

Sparlkes.
Jacquette sparkles?

Are you giving us nicknames?

What's that?

"Are you giving us
nicknames?!"

'Cause I have
a sparkly jacket on.

I just read what comes up
on the screen,

and they tell me
to go to the book and see.

Is your name jacquette sparkles?

No.
No, it's Daniel.

Okay. When they get to Daniel,
I'm sure it'll be you.

How about a det... how...

How about
a detective bluto mindpretzel?

Joe: Yeah!

Is there
a detective bluto mindpretzel?

So, haven't you noticed
that all the names

on your dumb list doesn't work?

Sparkles, settle down.

Is there a Chinese name?

Oh, man.

Is there a mister...
Mr. Name?

Chinese name?

Just spit this out.

I just spit all my drink
into the plant.

Troy, Chinese name is not here.
Oh, Daniel?

Daniel, you're good.
You can go in.

- All right, q.
- There's multiples group.

I'm gonna be sending you
in one by one,

so if I call out your name,
I'll tell you when to go down.

Uh, uma... Thermos?

Uma thermos?

Joe: He got it!
He got it.

Sal: Uma thermos?

That's a smirk.
That was a smirk.

No, just a smirk.
He's okay.

Uncle ratfoot?

- Yeah!
- Yes!

Got him!
That's a chuckle.

Ratfoot?

Those are some names.

This is it. I don't know.
I don't know.

Oh. Doreen?

Doreen?

Doreen kindasmells?

Gucci membrane?

Oh, we got him!

Joe: Hey, another one!
He's in trouble.

All right, what about...

Bunt klut?

Guess that's from
an eastern European.

A bunt klut?

I'm from eastern European.

Oh, you know bunt?
A bunt klut?

No.

All right.
What about Beverly?

Beverly hillscop ii?

Beverly hillscop ii!

Beverly hillscop ii?

Beverly hillscop!

I can't hear nothing.

Q: No Beverly hillscop ii?

All right.

What about the Egyptian
diplomat Amber slides?

Apparently, an Egyptian
diplomat's coming in for this.

Her name is Amber slides...
Is that you?

No.
That's the last one?

All right.
Let me see what's going on.

- Oh, you did terrible.
- Wow!

- All right.
- All right, sal.

Here we go.

Joe: That's a laugh!
That's a laugh!

That's the biggest laugh
I've ever seen.

I'm in bad shape here
because I'm laughing

at the regular names.

The real name is admittedly
not funny at all.

Frank Sampson?

Joe: Oh, he's in trouble.
You are in trouble.

That was the easy one.

He got a glimpse of it.

What are you doing?

Joe: Look at her.
She's like, "what's going on?"

He's on the radar now.

Murr: Come on, sal.

He's done one name.

- Yeah.
- Melt gibsont?

Melt gibsont?

Rodrigo...

Got him.
Got him!

Rodrigo astroturd?

That's right, yeah.
Re-collect yourself.

He's got nothing!

Sal: He's broken down.

Dude, they're staring at you
like you're having

a heart attack, these people.

This is such a breakdown.

Just say the names
so you get to the next one.

Come on.

Come on, man.

- What's the name?
- Look at him!

Look at him behind the desk!

You're just in a big
coat, laughing like an idiot!

I can't wait to see
what the name is.

Giuseppe gottabigdong?

Giuseppe gottabigdong?

Gottabig... gottabig...
Italian name.

Gottabigdong?

Giuseppe gottabigdongi?

Anybody gottabigdongi?

Joaquin baloney?

Yeah!
I got him!

Murr: Joaquin baloney.

Christine Christina whichizzitt?

Christine Christina whichizzitt?

Dr. Duckdick?

Are any of you a doctor?

Anyone here a medical
professional?

Joe: Your lose, buddy.

No, there's no duckdick here.

So, they maybe told you
that there's

multiple groups
going through here today.

If I call your name, just let me
know, and I'll send you back.

Here we go, baby.
Here we go!

All right, Joe.

Okay.
How about, uh...

Bette diddler?

Betty diddler?

You don't laugh at that
and we do?

Okay.
So, dooblus dooizfour?

He doesn't know what it is.

He doesn't know what it is.

Murr:
Dooblus dooizfour?

Dooblus dooizfour?

Gal godonut?

That's a laugh.

Yeah, that's a good...
Gal godonut.

Of wonder woman
and dunkin' donuts fame.

Mike b. Decoberiata?

- Nope.
- Mite b. Decarburetor?

Mite b. Decarburetor?

Do people even know
what a carburetor is anymore?

Uh-oh.
What's the matter, buddy?

What are you looking at, Joe?

Mmm.

Sal: Joe.

Murr: Uh-oh.
What's the matter, buddy?

What are you looking at, Joe?

He's... he's trying
to actually compose.

Joe.

Jarnathan toothass.

No jarnathan toothass.

- Jarnathan.
- Look at this kid.

What do you got, Joey?

Big pittsohio?

- Look at her face.
- Big pitts?

Big pittsohio?
Sal: That's a smirk.

All right, so far,
he's only got one.

Butch a.F.

- That's a laugh!
- That's two.

Butch as

butch as... yeah.
Butch a.F.

Holden afart.

Three.
Three laughs.

Anybody Holden afart?

Ma'am, are you Holden afart?

Sir, are you Holden afart?

Ma'am, Holden afart?

Sir, on the end, hoodie,
Holden afart?

No, no one in here
is Holden afart.

Q: Oh, not bad, bud.

Narrator:
Just call sal sir laughs-a-lot.

He's first up
on the loser board.

Today, we're in the park,
meeting up with

a private investigator
that we've hired.

The private eye
will hand us this envelope

full of photos
he's taken of our "wives."

But these photos, of course,

have been created
by the other guys.

We'll then show those photos
to a stranger in the park

and ask them if we should
get divorced as a result.

If you can't get
the stranger to agree

that those photos are grounds
for a divorce, you lose.

- All right, q.
- Is this...

Is that the south side
of the park, do you know?

Yeah.
Okay, great.

All right.
Thank you.

I'm meeting a guy here.
I'm a little nervous.

I-I never hired
a private detective before.

Yeah. I'm just...

Murr:
Here comes our private eye.

- Roy emmer.
- Played by Rob emmer.

Played by Rob emmer.
Here we go.

Q, here are the photos
I took of your wife.

Thank you, Roy.

It's like 80 degrees out.

Why is he wearing a trench coat?

All right, take a look
at the pictures.

Murr: Uh-oh, uh-oh, q.
What do you got?

That's my wife.

That's my dog, muffin.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Oh, no!
Oh, no!

Joe: She picked up
the turd barehanded!

So, here's what's happening.

My angel is picking up
muffin's poop

with her bare hands!

Yeah, something stinks here.

The question is,
is it grounds for divorce?

I mean, clearly.

Is that grounds
for divorce or what?

- Oh!
- What would you do, though,

if this was your situation?

I'd probably just have
an honest conversation,

I guess, if it's that troubling.

How do you start
that conversation?

"Hey, hon, I paid
2 grand for this."

Uh...

Let me ask you another thing.

If this was on a first date
and you saw this,

would you go on a second date?

You got to be open to love.

He's a normal guy.
Normal.

So, just on this divorce issue,
how you feeling?

Yeah, I'll say no.

- All right, buddy.
- Nice try, pal.

Strange, though.

All right, I'm gonna go
visit my girlfriend.

Joe:
All right, boys, sal's up.

Here comes
your private pictures.

Murr:
Oh, there he is.

Mr. Vulcano, here are
the wife of your photos.

Joe:
Look at the surprise...

He said,
"wife of your photos."

Sal, get into it
before she leaves.

He can't even go.

Sal... she's leaving, sal!

He got frozen in bewilderment.

All right, he's coming in.

- Mr. Vulcano.
- Yes?

The job is done.
Thanks, buddy.

Here are the pictures
I took of your wife.

Okay, thank you, thank you.

Just go.

I actually hired
a private investigator

to follow my wife around.

See, this is my wife, yeah.

I guess he followed her
to that basketball court.

Okay.
So she got in on a game.

That's not bad.
That's nothing bad.

Joe:
Oh, the next one.

Oh, my god.

She's literally
just dunking on them.

Dunking.

She's only 5'7".

5'7"?
Yeah.

- She got ups.
- Now, remember,

you have to
turn this into a reason

why to divorce your wife.

Dunking is the most important
thing in her life,

and it's just not lining up
with my core values.

I also don't want her going down
to the park in a sundress

and just start dunking
on other guys.

And here, of course, she is,
just dunking on holes.

There's only one solution
in my mind, like...

- Divorce.
- Divorce.

Would you think I'm crazy
for considering divorcing her?

I don't know.
It's not my place to say.

- Oh!
- Oh!

No, I get it, I get it.
I mean, we just met,

but I mean, like,
if you had to give me

face-value advice...

Take a walk.

- Take a walk, sal.
- Take a walk.

Joe: Take a walk
losing, buddy.

Q: All right,
Joe, you ready?

Mr. Gatto,
the job is done.

Here are the photos
of your wife.

Murr: What?

Thank you.
No problem.

What, is he, the godfather?

He's putting on accents.

It's the hard part of hiring
a private investigator

is then when you
get the pictures.

You don't know if you want
to look or not, but...

Oh. Yeah, that's
a tough choice.

I've already spent
the $2,000, you know?

Got to do it.

I took a really
personal hand in these.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

Murr: Joe's actual wife,
bessy, on a date with q.

That's my actual wife.

I mean, he's got
a really clear shot,

so this is really,
definitely indemnifying.

He's basically at the table is
what it feels like, right?

All right. So there,
they're at dinner there.

They went to "Hamilton."

That's definitely a move
that most guys make

when they're looking for
something more than friendship.

What else you got, Joey?

"Hamilton."

Oh, and apparently, they got
on stage, as well.

That's how I roll, bro.

So, she's seen "Hamilton"
without me is really...

"I should divorce
her, right?"

I mean, that's grounds
for divorce, right?

I'm not throwing away my shot.

I'm not gonna throw away my...

Shot.

Hey, bye.
Thank you so much.

So I guess I'm still married
to my best friend's lover.

My best friend's lover?

When did you take those?

Dude, when did you go
with my wife to take pictures?

It was a good show.

You were doing
"traffic cam."

Yeah, I got to
make a phone call.

Murr's up.

Hey, bud, do you know when

they turn the fountains up?

I have no idea.

Joe: Fountain banter.

Pro tip for you at home...

If you don't want to be on
a hidden-camera comedy show,

don't talk to anyone
about fountains.

Q: Send in Roy.

Where is he?
Roy: I'm not seeing him.

Is he in the same spot?

He's in the same row.
The park's not that big.

Oh, I see...
I see him, I see him.

Okay. Stop talking.
Oh, boy.

Here we go.
There he goes.

- Mr. Murray.
- Yes, sir.

The job is done.
Thank you.

Here are the photos
of your wife.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Yes, he's
a private detective I hired.

I guess that's the style.
I don't know.

Do you mind if I ask your
opinion on this?

I hired a private detective,
and, um, he took some photos.

I have to look, right?

- Look at him.
- I would.

This is bad.

Oh, boy.
Let's see.

Oh, that's not bad.
This is her shopping for apples.

All right, that's her
looking great.

Coffee break, I guess, at lunch.

We don't even know what's
going on in this photo.

Yeah.

- Oh, next one.
- Oh, boy.

Let's see.

We don't even know what's
going on in this photo.

What the hell, man?

This is my bed.

"That's my dildo."

This...

This is my bed.
That's my dildo.

It's just...

Sal:
She wants to see, murr.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.
You know what I mean?

It's... I don't want
to show the picture.

It's too graphic.

Murr, ask her if she's cool.

"I mean,
are you cool?"

I mean, are... are you cool?

You want to see it?
It's not me.

Here.
Oh, Jesus Christ.

It's her, you know, shopping.

She's at the farmer market
with apples.

If you show her that, you win.

If you show her that,
you win. I don't care.

Deal. Deal.

Then there's her
at a coffee break.

This is her.
You know, she looks great.

And... and then, uh...

And then, uh...

It's an adult toy in a koala.

I should divorce her, right?

It's not?

I know.

- Oh!
- Oh!

But he still wins
'cause he showed her.

You're super cool.
I like you.

All right.
We should talk.

Sal: Murray, you got
that win, buddy!

You got the win!

Narrator: It's a photo finish,
and sal is tonight's big loser.

All right! Sal's our loser,
so we came to coney island.

And be careful, buddy.
The jellyfish are out.

I got to get pissed on?

He got it.

There he is.
Murr: Looking good.

This is what we're doing?
Pissed on?

No, this is what you're doing.

Joe: No, this is
what you're doing.

Just find someone
to pee on your leg

and your punishment's over.

Is it weird that I have
a jellyfish bite on me

before even entering the water?

It's hard to separate it
from your awful tattoo, though.

Maybe get someone
to pee on that tattoo.

All right, sal, here we go.

I got to be honest,
I don't get the beach.

The beach is a huge
inconvenience to me.

Save it for the stage
at the chuckle hut, bro.

You want to just get
stung already?

Get it on, buddy,
and then we're done.

Murr: Yeah.
Get bit, get bit!

Aah! Aah!
Ow, ow!

Aah! Aah, aah!
Joe: The acting skills!

The acting skills!

Murr: Oh, he's got
people's attention.

Oh, god!

Be careful.
There's jellyfish.

I just got stung.

Yeah, I'm all right,
but it hurts really bad.

Fire away, captain.

Any chance that
you have to urinate

and wouldn't mind
directing it toward me?

It... it... it...

Why are you stalling, bud?

I just need that hot,
hot urine on my leg.

- All right.
- No way, dude.

Thank you, anyway.

What person in their right mind
is doing this?

Okay. Stop.
We don't care.

Get pissed on.

Aah! Sorry. You gotta piss?
You gotta piss?

You gotta piss?

I just got...

Be careful here.
There's jellyfish.

Oh!

Do you have to pee,
by any chance?

Sal, no.
I know you're in it, buddy,

and you're trying
to get peed on,

but let's not ask little boys.

We can put it in a cup.

No.

Okay.

Any chance you have to pee?

Okay.

- "No, thank you."
- "No, thank you."

Q: Keep trying,
keep trying.

I can hold a towel,
and you psss!

If you could pee on me,
that'd be wonderful.

Maybe we overestimated
coney island.

You just peed in the ocean.

"Where?
I'll go swim there."

Do you know about where it was?

I can go...
I can go swim in that area.

If I held up a towel
and I looked the other way,

would you pee on my leg?

You would pee without me
holding a towel?

You don't give a
all right, I found the guy.

What?!

- Wow!
- What are we doing?

- All right, I found the guy.
- What?

- Wow!
- Alright, do me a favor...

Let's go over here.
You can pee on me.

Murr: Oh, my god.

Come on.
I'm calling your bluff.

Look, I got the towel,
I'll look the other way.

You can put it
in front of yourself.

He's saying help me out.
You see?

He just peed in the ocean.

God bless him.

Murr: This is the last guy.
He's invested.

- Yeah.
- Uh-oh.

It just got harder.

- Hey.
- Hi.

I got stung by a jellyfish.

And it's k*lling me right now.

Could someone just...
Just take a hot piss on my leg?

You don't want to do it?
You said you would do it.

Joe: Oh, come on.

Come on.

Come on, you said
you would do it.

Thanks, guys.
Thanks, anyway.

- No!
- Thanks.

Joe: All right,
sal, you tried.

You gave a Valiant
effort, buddy.

It looks like you escaped
this punishment.

Q: This rarely happens on
the show where we get nothing.

We have to end the day
without succeeding in our goal.

I mean, he was embarrassed,
but he didn't get peed on.

- No.
- Okay.

So, now, when you're done...
When you're done laying it on

as thick as peanut butter,
tell me...

Tell me who's... which
one of you is peeing on me.

- Well, it's not us.
- Yeah, we're not animals.

I mean, what's
coney island known for?

It's known for the cyclone.

It's known for
Nathan's hot dogs.

The parachute drop.
Parachute drop.

It's also known
for a cappella groups.

What?

- Of course.
- Yeah, everybody knows

that about coney island.

- ♪ Born on the fourth of July ♪
- what's that?

We hired an a cappella group
to pee on you.

♪ Riding on a pony ♪

what?
What is it... what?

I don't know what's
not clear, sal.

We hired an a cappella group
to pee on you.

♪ Sal, you're the loser,
so here's the thing ♪

♪ you got a really bad
jellyfish sting ♪

♪ pee, pee, pee, pee ♪

♪ you're the loser ♪

our friend Chris
is in an a cappella group.

- No.
- No.

But he's the only one
that would pee on you.

Let's do this. I've been
holding it for a while.

Get in here.

I can't believe this.

This is crazy.

I got to look the other way.
This is insane.

This is freakin' insane.

You make sure you get...
Oh, my god.

Right on it?
I heard you needed help.

Oh!

Oh, my god!
You didn't give me a chance!

Down below the knee!
Down below the knee!

Go below the knee.
I can't control it.

♪ Pee, pee, pee, pee ♪

What are we doing?!

♪ You're a loser ♪

stop shaking it all over my leg.

And that's how you get punished.

Oh, god.

- God.
- I'm gonna throw up.

I can't even. He didn't even
give me a warning.

Joe: As he walks into the ocean.
And there he is.

Like Godzilla returning
from whence he came.

It's just not right.