01x09 - In Toons We Trust

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[dispatcher on radio]
All available units, burglary in progress,

dripping diamonds jewelry store.

Handle code 3.

[police sirens]

Are you tryin' to get us k*lled?

I'm trying to get you there
first so you can make the bust.

Lucky, this is your big chance!

I can feel it! I can taste it!
I can even smell it.

Lots of mustard, hold the mayo.

-Baloney.
-No really.

My baloney sandwich from lunch!

You know, with that tie I'd recommend
the chipped beef and grand poupon.

Trust me! You crack this case,
and you're going right to the top.

The chief's gonna love you.

You and him are gonna be like this!

Peas in a pod, strings on a bean!
chickens in a pot!

[siren]

So, those hotshots from 57th division
think they can beat us to the crime, eh?

I know a shortcut!

[Lucky] No, no, no, no, no!
What kinda shortcut is this?

[Bonkers] A very high one.

[Lucky] I'm afraid of heights!
That's why I'm not taller!

Trust me... aha!

The scene of the crime.

Goin' down! First floor-- men's shop,
budget wear, and jewel thieves.

[Lucky] No, no, no, no, no!

-[cloth ripping]
-[crash]

[Bonkers] Told ya I'd getcha here first.

Now, get in there and bust them bad guys!

Huh?

Talk about a crook making
a lasting impression.

Little Hubert?

Hubie, what're you doing here?

[sniff]

Teddy.

Didn't your mama say
not to play at a crime scene?

Now come on, you gotta get out of here
before somebody thinks you're the bad guy!

I can't believe, "get in there
and bust those bad guys."

I'm gonna bust Bonkers
when I get my hands--

What? Bad guy tracks.

[gulp]

A bad guy break-in!

The bad guy himself! Freeze!
You're under arrest!

You found the crook already?

Whew, I knew you'd crack this case.

Thanks to you, Bonkers, old pal!

You know, You said "trust me,"
and you were right! Who knew?

My first big bust in...
What year is it today?

Never mind. Wait'll the chief sees this--

Open-and-shut case.
I'll have this guy convicted by tomorrow!

Him?

Oh, this is great.

Quick, which is my better side?
The newsboys'll need to know.

-Uh, Lucky
-Promotion, here I come.

-How can I ever thank you?
-You can let him go!

Fine, I'll let him go. What?

What we've got here is a case
of mistaken identity.

This is an old pal of mine from show biz.

He was very big in commercials.

He's very big everywhere.

Aw, Lucky, Hubert's innocent.

He couldn't even steal a scene,
let alone diamonds.

Ah, I get it. Friend of yours, huh?

I'm sorry, pal. It's our duty.

We can't let our personal feelings
get in the way of the law.

Y'know, I had to bust my own mom once,
doing 80 in a 25 zone.

I got 'er off for good behavior and all,

what with her bein'
a swell tucker-inner...

[police sirens approaching]

Ahh, too late, boys.

This one's mine.

I keep tellin ya, Hubie's no burglar,
just a little kid in a big body.

He's a gentle giant, a teddy bear.
We're talking Mr. Lovable, here!

Hubie, why don't you give my buddy a hug.

Buddy!

I am not your bud-- oomphg!

[Bonkers] See how affectionate he is?

Just like a big puppy.

Down, puppy, down.

[Bonkers] Now, Hubie. Hims won't hurt you.

Just think of the nice man as your daddy.

[screaming]

Daddy!

Is that love or what?

Oh, Lucky, he's innocent!

Would you think of the evidence.

Would you think of my promotion!

Bet my lunch I could prove he's no crook.

-A whipped-cream sandwich?
-Ran out of ketchup!

-You're on.
-Lend me a 20?

-Sure
-Trust me, you'll get it back.

Thanks, partner.

Aha! A born thief!

[making airplane noises]

See? See? See? He doesn't
even know the value of money!

Neither do you!

[doors slam]

Jailbreak!

[alarm ringing]

[whimpering]

Teddy.

Hey, what's a matter, Pickle?

Picky, picky, picky!
Big, bad prisoner gotcha scared?

Hey, toon division too much for ya?

Ah, is Piquel in a pickle?

[laughing]

You opened it.

Just wanted to prove he's so innocent,
he doesn't need to escape.

Look at this face. Could this
face ransack? Pilfer? Swipe?

Someone else must've pulled that
jewelry heist, no lie!

Just give me some time alone.
Within an hour

I'm gonna get you the real culprit,
before you can bat an eye.

Don't start that until I tell you.

C'mon, just a week? A day? An hour?

Alright, alright! Five minutes,
but that's my final offer.

And if he escapes, I'll...
I'll turn in my badge!

-You're kidding.
-I'm serious!

-You'll quit?
-Like a bad habit.

-You'll leave?
-Faster'n a crab in hot water.

You got five minutes.

[chuckles]

Okay, Hubert, who's behind this?

Better come clean!

And if you can't, come any way you want,
as long as you show up. Dress casual.

A name, Hubie, Gimme a name!

[sniffing] Teddy!

Teddy.

Well catchy, but I think
I'll stick with Bonkers.

Ohhh! So, it was Teddy, eh?

What a fiend. What a criminal mastermind.

Teddy who?

Aha! Teddy Tuba!

So, the big blowhard turned
crime kingpin, eh?

No rats. He's got a perfect alibi.
He went to the big house.

Teddy Roosevelt!

Nah, better alibi--
been at Mount Rushmore for years.

Teddy!

Huh?

No, that's no Teddy.
That's diamond Bill Bunko.

Now, let me see... Teddy Tuna!

Nah, they sent him
down the river years ago.

-[Bonkers] Teddy... Teddy... Teddy...
-[music playing]

Teddy!

[crash]

[Lucky] Hey, what's going on in there?

Lucky!

Ah, nothing much,
we just made a real... breakthrough.

How much longer you gonna take?

Saturday good for ya?

[Lucky] Open up!

[gulp]

Teddy!

[grunting]

Lucky, partner, I can explain...
as soon as I come up with something.

"Trust me," huh?

"You and the chief will be like this," eh?

Wait, don't hit the alarm.
I'll get him back, I promise.

You also promised he wouldn't escape.

Even bet your badge.

Well, partner, you just lost your bet.

Ya' got me, ya' got me, fair and square.
I'll get him back. And--

What you know about those?

Rubies? Make swell rings,
go great with diamonds, cost a fortune.

That's not what I meant!

I know this looks bad,
but let me find Hubert, and then--

What you gotta find is a new job.

[knocking]

[chief] Detective Piquel!

Great, the chief!

Don't worry about a thing, Lucky,
I'll bring him back!

I'll find out who's behind this. Trust me!

[chief] Piquel, you in there?

[moaning]

Piquel, I just heard the news.

Uh... sir... I can explain.

-Splendid job you did.
-Huh?

Excellent evidence! Open-and-shut case!

Makes the department look good.

And what makes the department look good,
makes me look good.

And what makes me look good
makes you look good.

Tell you what, come have dinner with me
and the missus tonight.

We'll barbecue a few steaks
and discuss your future.

Man of your fortitude,
there's no telling where you'll wind up.

The foreign legion comes to mind.

Teddy!

Hubert, stop!

So, disobeying the commands
of an ex-police officer, eh?

[making siren sounds]

All right, pull it over!

You have the right to remain 12 feet tall,

the right to never get sold
a pair of size four shoes!

And the right to...

Tell me who's behind this!

Teddy!

Teddy who? Teddy what? Help me out here!

You're in big trouble, y'know!

[police sirens wailing]

Lucky must've sounded the alarm after all!

I'm sure I'll crack this case
in another minute...

That is if I can keep us both
out of jail for another minute.

Hey, not bad. 2 minutes and 13 seconds
from the station to mi casa.

Can't let those steaks burn,
now can we, Pickle?

This is the chief's house?

[chief] Wait'll you meet the dog!
As lovable as he looks.

[dog growling]

Aah!

[crashes]

[roaring]

This calls for technical maneuver 127,
paragraph "a," subparagraph 2.

Run!

We're home, Francine!
She can't wait to meet you.

[Francine] Be right down!

Have you brought that
nice detective Pickle?

Leonard says he's head
and shoulders above the rest.

-[crash]
-[Francine screams]

Great things are about to come your way.

[Francine] Monster! Monster!

My dear, you've never looked lovelier.

Oh, monster, how incredibly awful!

[growling]

[Bonkers] Shh, big guy,
your stomach's growling!

[dog growling]

Yes, sir, I've got my eye on you.
Nothing gets by me unnoticed.

It's just as well.

Huh?

I said, it's just a swell, sir!

[chief] It certainly is.

My boy, I admire your spirit,
your tenacity!

You're going places.

I didn't mean this minute.

[crash]

[crunch]

Ow! ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Fetch, puppy!

[Lucky] Hold it right there!

Lucky! Small world, isn't it?
Well, gotta run.

Then again, I could stay a minute.

What are you doing here?

Well, a funny thing happened
on our way back to jail.

Let me guess.
You decided to come here first.

And let the chief see you making
the bust instead of me.

No! I was trying to help you!

To do what, lose my job?

Lucky, you gotta trust me.
Let me crack this case for you.

Let me get you to the top!
The peak! The crest!

Satisfaction guaranteed
or your money back?

Get out of here.
I'll take Hubert back to jail.

Oughta lock you both up.

What's going on out here?

[gasp]

[music playing]

Teddy!

[Bonkers] Hubert, no!

[Lucky blubbering and splashing]

What are you doing there, Piquel?

Oh... Drowning, sir.

[laughing]

What a kidder!

That's what I like in my officers,
a sense of humor.

You see this, Francine?
A paragon of physical fitness.

He's doin' 20 laps
in the pool before dinner.

[laughing]

Piquel, come on in here and have dessert.

Piquel?

Well, now he's jogging.

I wonder what breakfast cereal he uses.

Oh well, I'll give it to the dog. Fluffy!

Papa got a treat for you.

[wheezing]

Oh--

[music box playing]

Teddy!

Hubie! No!

Hubert, what are you doing?

Who put you up to this?

Teddy?

Teddy!

I know it was Teddy, but Teddy who?

There's gotta be a clue here somewhere.

So, you and your pal together, huh?

Hands full of loot, huh?

Well, no wonder
you had jewels in your pocket.

No wonder you wanted me to drop the case.

How could you do this to me?

Now, Lucky, I know what this looks like.

[Lucky] It looks like
you two are in cahoots.

Cahoots? I don't even know how
to spell it much less be in it.

[Lucky] I'll take those!

When the cops get here and see me
with these, they'll be green with envy.

[Bonkers] Green, I like it.

Goes nice with
those red rubies you're holding.

Wait a minute...

if they see you with the loot,
they'll think you stole it.

They'll be all over you
like fleas on a dog.

What? Get outta here.

No, no, your fingerprints
are all over 'em.

They'll throw the book at you.

Heck, they'll throw
the whole bookcase at you.

You'll be locked up, finished, kaput!

[Bonkers] Don't worry.
I'll come visit you every Sunday.

I'll bring a cake... a file.

I'll bring a file cabinet.

How do you feel about oak?
Letter size, or legal?

[siren]

Detective Piquel, are you in there?

[gulp]

I'm in it, all right. Deep.

[police radio chatter]

[Bonkers] Well?

[Lucky] I'm doomed.

You're not doomed.

-Okay, you're doomed.
-What am I gonna do?

Lucky, get a grip. In fact,
gimme the jewels and I'll get a grip.

What are you doing?

Taking the blame for my pal.

[Bonkers] You can't get to jail.
You got a family to feed, rent to pay,

dentist appointment next Tuesday.

You'd do that for me?

-Mhmm.
-You mean it?

Sure.

[crash]

That's it.

You can have your precious teddy bear.

But not just yet. We've got
three more jewelry stores to go.

Hubie! Hubie!

[car motor starts]

[tires screech]

It's Diamond Bill Bunko!

[Hubie] Teddy!

Teddy!

Here's the plan,
catch the crook, clear our names,

and wrap this up by supper.

[Bonkers] Either that,
or we'll all have supper in jail.

But not to worry.

Tonight's macaroni and franks.

-[engine starts]
-[tires squealing]

There they go! After 'em!

Where'd you get the fancy car?

Borrowed it from a pal of yours.

[gulp]

Oh!

[Lucky] The chief's limo?

[Lucky] Turn around!

-[Bonkers] We're in a pursuit!
-[Lucky] In a stolen car.

-[Bonkers] Borrowed.
-[Lucky] You're gonna get me fired.

Relax, you'll be arrested
long before you get fired.

[Bonkers] Lucky, there they are!

Teddy!

Move over!

Buddy.

[siren]

[Lucky] Oh, no.
You might as well pull over.

Not that far over!

[both] Oh, no, no!

Lucky, look! It's Bill!

Nothin' can stop Diamond Bill.

Teddy!

It's the end of the road
for you, Diamond Bill.

Anybody messes with me, Teddy goes over!

Oh!

Teddy!

[chuckles] That's right, Hubie.

Just do what your Pal Bill says.

Don't listen to him, Hubert.
He's no pal of yours.

Take Lucky, here.
He's a pal you can trust.

He's practically your daddy.

Oh, daddy!

Hubie, look. Here's Teddy!

Ooh... Teddy!

Yeah!

[giggling]

[squeaking]

[giggling]

That's that. Book him, Lucko.

I always wanted to say that.

[Lucky] Um... Bonkers, could you do it?

I'm a little pressed right now.

[crunch]

Would you excuse me a moment?

I wouldn't dream of holdin' you up.

There's just one teeny, tiny problem.

-What's that?
-I'm not a cop.

My badge, remember?

Oh, yeah.

Here you go...

-Partner.
-Thanks, partner.

Swear me in?

Okay, raise your right hand.

Ahem.

Do you solemnly swear to--

-I do!
-You're in.

[Bonkers] I'm a cop! Ha ha!

What?

Official d*ck Tracy watch?

You guys think you can wrap this up soon?

I'd like to get to prison while
I'm young enough to appeal!

Huh? Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Uh, official police business, see...
see, he's my partner, and we-- never mind.

[sirens]

[chief] Ahem. About my car...
Who's responsible for it?

Well, who was it?

-[Lucky] Him.
-[Bonkers] Me.

Nice work, son.

Been trying for years to get
a convertible, but with police budgets...

you see me about a raise.

[Bonkers] Yes, sir!

And as for you, Piquel...

for the great job you've done,

you, our paragon of physical fitness,
our vesuvius of vim 'n' vigor,

our very own detective Lucky Piquel

are being named chief coach
for Fluffy's new exercise routine.

[woofs]

-Uh, but, sir--
-You did it!

My guess is 9, 10 walks a day, two hours
on the treadmill, maybe a rubdown.

[Bonkers] You're in like Flynn.

Come to the house. Have breakfast
with the wife and me. We'll talk.

-[Lucky] Sir,
-[chief] Y'know, my boy,

this could lead to bigger things.

-[chief] How are you with aerobics?
-[Bonkers] He loves it.

[chief] I got it.
Let's give you a spare bedroom.

Don't think of me as chief.

Think of me as family.

[theme music playing]