01x01 - The Return of Batduck

[bunniefuu]

And now, starring in his very own

television show, Lucky Duck.

Get

it! Ohh

I meant to do that.

Hey, there are ducks whose beaks need

some kissing. And kissing's

what I'm gonna do. Ouch, watch it.

Man, those ducks aren't hip to what

they're missing. I've got a

mess-o-living to do.

Duck stops these. Take ten, everybody.

You take ten years.

Sorry, Plucky.

I'm getting that sick feeling. Oh, and

I'm not?It's all because of him.

Step aside, Rabbits. Just a

tad jealous, are we?No,

noJust glad to take the weekend off.

Looks like your show's gonna be great,

Plucky. I'm glad Warner Brothers finally

realized my potential. This show's gonna

be a humongous blockbuster, Buster. Oh,

yeah. This is a much better break than

that little old Batman fight. Batman

schmatman. Plucky didn't want that bitsy

part anyway. What part?What part are you

talking about?Ah, Tim Burton's directing

another Batman movie. Michael Keaton's

perfect for it. Plucky belongs on

television anyway, Babsy, not feature

films. It's really mature of him to

realize it.

No! I wanna be in a movie! I wanna

be Batman! I wanna, I wanna...

But what about your show?

Who cares about a lousy TV show?

I'm feature material! I'm Batman!

That's my part! My part, I tell ya! It

belongs to me! I deserve it! And

furthermore, I'm gonna get...

Ouch. Finally, a plot. Let

the Plucky Duck show begin!

Who knows the way to close his endless

babbling beak Drop an angel down upon his

feathery physique Toast him, roast him,

the show will still be most him It's the

Pocky Duck show and it's on each week His

antics are frantic, at times he gets

romantic My talent's so gigantic it'll

burst from your TV The writers are

hackers The artists always crackers The

actors are yackers But don't complain,

it's free Clarky goes to Acme Lude to

learn to be a starafter

school But who cares who they are?So

enjoy, don't be coy And don't fall for a

decoy It's the Brockie Duck show, come

and laugh along I

also wrote this song.

Emmy, old pal, don't sweat it. I need an

agent to get on the lot. You're perfect.

Emmy Lazar, babe. Gee, I

don't know. That's okay. I do. You

get me on the lot. I see Tim Burton. He

faces facts. I am Batman.

Now keep practicing your line. Love you,

babe. Let's have lunch. No, no, not

have lunch. Do lunch. But

plucky, do lunch is bad grabber,

improper use of a transitive verb.

It's slang, jargon, colloquial scatter.

Keep practicing, keep practicing. Can

you pick us up later?I'll be back.

Oh, thanks. Here's a refrigerator magnet

for you.

No problemo.

Hey, watch the arrows!like Cheerio

to you too, my merry man, for sure.

Love ya, babe. Let's have lunch. Uh,

do lunch. Uh, hey, that'd be

great! Thanks! Abby, wait up!

I feel a painful guard at the gate

sequence approaching.

Where do you think you're going?I'm

Plucky Duck. I'm with Hammy Lazar. Oh,

Hammy!Love you, babe. Let's

have lunch. Darn.

Wrong again.

Rock. Duck right out. I'm

here to see Tim Burton. Walk the door.

There must be some mistakes. I don't make

mistakes. I eject them around the

wild. Hmm

Doesn't seem to want to focus. That's

better. I'm Edward

Hitchclipperhands. Uh, an old friend of

you, Mr. Burden's. I read your

clippings. Ooh, a pithy pun.

Ouch. Wait a

second. Listen, you look like a sporting

guy. How about we settle this with a

little wager?A game of scissors, paper,

rock. I win, I go in. You

win, I calmly walk away.

Uh, OK. Scissors,

paper.

I calmly walk away.

Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

It's no time.

Hope you're not squeamish.

Well...

Love you, babe. Let's do lunch. Do lunch.

Hey! I got it! I did it

right! Plucky, I... Plucky?

Hello, Saint Peter. When do I get my

wings?Plucky, it's me,

Hampton. You're on the lot.

We am?I are?We is?We are?Yes,

we're on the lot!Come on, Hammy, we gotta

find Tim Burton's office. From here on

in, this is a piece of cake. The part of

Batman is mine. Where is that office

anyway?Uh, I think that's it there.

Oh, let me at it.

Mommy.

Hampton, drastic measures are in order if

we want to get to see Tim Burton. I

propose we descend into the sewer.

Why not?That's what all the other shows

do during Ratings Sweetbook. No,

I mean the real sewer, Hambrain.

Oh. We just follow this map

and sneak up under the office. You'll

have to see me. Wow. Where

did you get

that?Hey, plucky boy, la-la-la-loop. But,

but,

Arthur. Rats in the sewer?

Rope it in, hamhead. There are no

rats, no alligators, no

nothing.

Nothing to speak of, anyway. Who saw that

one coming?Hmm,

a left, a left, a right to the body.

Get out of here, you pesky insects. Go

on. That's what I get for

taking small parts. Oh.

Look, there's a light.

OohI wonder what's up there.

I'll have

the chili special, please.

Whoa! You don't want to eat me. You

don't know where I've been. Let's try

this accent. You're out of your

mind. I'm shorter. Oh, no, I am.

I am Ooh, a little argument.

Hmm,

it's too dark to read this thing. Dark...

Scary. Oh, crack on me,

Hamhead. So what if it's dark?So what if

it's scary?So what if it's claustrophobic

and I have a latent fear of closed-in

places?I gave up my

own show to die in a sewer!

I told you I'd be back.

We're safe. We're alive. Hey, Hammy, look!

We've made it to Tim Burton's office.

Come on, let's not keep him leaving.

That's Tim Burton right there. I admit

you're good. You're dark, you're

sinister, you're absurd, you've got a

cool costume, but, uh, I've got a Batman

already. Very well. It's your funeral.

I'll go with gobbler.

Lucky duck here to see Tim Burton.

Timmy, it's me, Plucky Duck.

Don't do it, Tim! You've got

everything to live for. You're young,

you know Michelle Pfeiffer, and the best

reason of all, you've got me to play

Bat-man.

Didn't you see me as Bat-duck?

T-shirt still available.

Sorry, Plucky. I've already got a Batman.

But, Tim, we're brethren of animation,

cut from the same cell. You owe it to me

to give me a screen test. Have you

forgotten your animation background?

You're roots, Tim. You're roots. What do

you mean?What do I mean?What do I

mean?In

Burton, here is your life.

The year 1963,

and a young lad of five years drew his

very first character. Listen. You broke

your crayon, and I was born.

Remember Mr. Squiggly?

Funky, that was eons ago. Yes,

and how about this old favorite from a

couple of years later?Bizarro, the cat

with six legs.

Please, that's enough. Remember drawing

Jimmy the Nostril Boy, Theodore Slinky

Neck, Nicholas Transmission Head?No,

No please stop, stopWill you give me a

screen test?I can't.

Janet's vice grip ears. Aloysius straight

eater elbows. Spartacus spark plug puss.

All right, all right, I'll give you a

screen test. 10 o'clock tomorrow. Just

leave.

Yes, I'm malicious. I have a date with

greatness. I have a date with destiny.

And I have a date with... Security.

Careful, not to face. Screen test

tomorrow. Until tomorrow, dad.

We must prepare. The time has come

for the return of Bat Duck

to the duck cave.

Once we pick up my old Bat Duck costume

and props, I'll ace this screen test.

Besides, it'll be fun to see the duck

cave set again. HmmNow, which store

is it?Yes, and so I

return. Every inch of this duck cave

embedded in my brain. So familiar,

so... Where's that light switch?

Oops, wrong door. And so I

return.

What is this?Now wait till he gets a load

of what's behind the next door. Ohh Yes,

sir.

That's enough of that. And so,

I finally return. Everything,

just where I remembered.

Except the stairs.

The duck-a-rag.

The duck launcher. Ah,

my sidekick, Decoy, the pig, hostage.

And most important of all, my bat

duck costume. Fire up the celaduck,

decoy. Roger, bat duck.

Look!

Ouch!

Activate humble duck.

Oh, dear.

Pampa duck complete.

Find a nice, safe parking spot, decoy.

Affirmative, bat duck.

Sidekicks.

Ready when you are, Tim baby!

Plucky, in this scene, you you say your

line, and then you make a big, dramatic

exit, okay?Got it!

Dramatic, huh

And... action! I don't want

to do this. I have to.

I'm Batman.

How was that, Kim Timmo?HuhOh,

oh, yeah. That was, um, uh..

It needs to be dark, but absurd. More

serious, but, uh, you know, silly.

Large, small, and gothic.

Oh, that. Let's do it again.

I don't want to do this. I

have to. I'm

Batman.

I don't want to do this. I... I..

I really don't want to do this. But

I have to. I'm

Batman.

Ah Uh

I'm standing. A chance to use my utility

belt. The duckarang,

the ducks in cups, the duck

sticker, the duck hook,

the duct tape. The duck

anchor!

Is there an insurance salesman in the

audience?

I feel pretty.

Plucky?Don't you

dare ask me to do that again, pal! I've

played your game, and I've survived! But

this sucks nobody's fool.

Nevermore! That's it. That's-- That's

the-- That's the thing. Okay, you got the

part. You got it. Fire that other guy. A

little more, a little more.

Now what's he doing?Let's check it out.

So what's with the moving van, Pluckster?

I'm outta here.

Ah, good enough. Toodle-oo, children. I'm

off to my major starring vehicle, in a

major star vehicle.

This we gotta see.

Boy, oh, boy. The real Batman set. Hmm

I wonder if Catwoman's in this movie.

Uh,

nice costume, kitten. Is that semi-gloss

enamel?Get lost, Duck.

She likes me. Places, please.

Batman to the set. Batman to the set.

There's my call. Gotta go. Jim! I

should be Catwoman, you know it! Look at

me! It's unavoidable! Roar! Roar!

You know what to do with me! You're

right, I do.

Oh, look at the pretty kitty. I'm gonna

love you to pieces, you cute kitty witty

head. I've got kitty food and kitty milk

and kitty litter and kitty toys.

Uh, this looks like the place. How can

you tell?I smell Plucky's

ego. Now, where's the director?

Hey, watch it, you big lillocks! Star

coming through! Do you know who I am, huh

No. Who are you?I'm

Batman, you idiot! The Star!

You, my friend, are... Batman.

Batman. Batman.

Batman. Great. I'm excited. This is gonna

be big. It's gonna be very large-sized.

This is-- This is Plunky. He's gonna be

your stunt duck.

Stunt duck?St-- Stunt duck?

I'm the stunt duck. Stunt duck on the

set, please.

Ohh

Go ahead. Do your best to harm me. I'll

die for my profession. Go ahead. Show no

mercy. I can take it. Cut.

Stunt duck.

OK. Action!

Ah

I misunderstood the job description.

Cut. That's a wrap for the stunt duck.

Plucky, are you okay?No!

I'm mentally deficient! What was I

thinking?Bat duck! Sheets!

Vanity! Thy name is Flucky Duck.

With a different spelling, of course. I

could be starring in my own show at this

very moment, and I threw it all away!

Actually, Plucky old pal, this is your

show. Right

now, we're on.

How much time is left?About 10 seconds.

What?My song. My song.

And now, in his very own television

show, Lucky Dodd.

Okay, a big number. Hit

it! And I got it defeated, baby.