03x03 - An Unforgettable Feeling

[bunniefuu]

This programme contains strong
language

Nice briefcase. Thank you.
Yeah, it's, er, sustainable

and ethical, so...

Right, good morning, how are you?

Are you talking to me, or...?

Obviously.

Oh, I just thought you might be
on the phone again.

No, not doing that any more.

Feeling good?

Oh, incredibly excited
about this promotion.

My mum keeps, er, calling me
every day

saying I've gotta go home
for a celebratory dinner, which...

Shall we get started? Yeah.

Your first account.
It's everything you wanted.

It's substantial, it's creative,
it's fulfilling.

It's gambling. Yeah.

OK. I do have a few
immediate thoughts.

Save them for the client, mate.
Here she is now.

Marcia. This is Liam.

We're really excited

to be welcoming him to
a senior creative role.

Positive to meet you.

Marcia, why don't you fill Liam in
on the brief?

Yeah, sure,

so we're thinking about

the changing appeal of gambling
for men in their 30s.

They're growing up,
they have different priorities,

families to support

and they're saying, "Should
I really be committing so much"

"to a pastime that carries
a high risk"

"of me losing a devastating
amount of money?"

And we are saying - yes.

Yes, you should.

In a responsible way.

Well, that's why we think
Liam's right for this,

he's always thinking about
the ethical,

whether that's sustainability
or in a way of...

♪ This time I know
I'm gonna smash the bet

♪ I foresee it smacked
in the back of the net... ♪

Springtime,

and I have been offered an interview
at Cambridge University -

the opportunity of a lifetime.

However, any jubilation
had now given way to nervousness.

Gonna get interested or what?

It's the most important day
of t' year. Grand National Day.

Actually knowing nothing
about the sport,

Ralph had gone all in on
a horse whose name he liked.

Go on, Second Silver!

Craggy had tried to pick the one
with the nicest jockey's jersey,

but now found himself confused
by the whole thing.

Go on. Which one even is it?

They all look exactly t' same.

And I had allowed Addy,

riding high after unexpectedly
being predicted

an A grade in A-level maths,

to do the difficult work
of choosing a horse

and filling the form in for me -

and the even more difficult work of
giving a sh*t about the outcome too.

So, obviously, it's not in my faith
to gamble meself

but I think I can still be excited
for you. Go on, number five Baranco!

f*ck's sake, mine's fell over.
Get back up.

It's not getting back up.

Oh, come on Second Silver,
catch the f*ck up.

Oh, no, Ralph,
he's thrown t' rider off.

No, that's good, smart horse,
makes it lighter.

Hey, Liam? Liam!

COMMENTATOR: as number five
Baranco, in front,

is turning two or three lengths
in front for Slippery Jim,

having his first ride
at the Grand National -

and as they come up towards
the line it's number five Baranco

who's up, jumped and outstayed them.

Liam, your thoughts?

Oh.

I was just remembering the first
time I went to a betting shop,

er, watching the Grand National

with my mates aged 18
and I didn't really care about it,

but then my horse won

and I'd just been feeling so flat
and suddenly it seemed like

life could take a completely
unexpected turn,

it was just, um...

..an unforgettable feeling.

An unforgettable feeling.

I quite like that.

I'm really into
the nostalgia angle.

Yeah, people are suckers for that.

RACE COMMENTARY CONTINUES

So what if me jockey fell off?
He still came in t' top four.

I need me money back,
me horse got shot.

I'm all right with trigonometry
but it's algebra I'm worried about.

I won 70 quid? Are you serious?

Here, Addy, I owe you some of this,
you picked them horses.

Nah, nah, I'm good.

Hiya, love. Hiya. Sorry I'm late,

I've been watching that Planet Earth

and there are these caribou,

and they were just trying to
migrate, right, migrate 2,000 miles.

No other animal migrates that far -

but they get hunted on t' way
by wolves,

and I'm watching it and I were
thinking, "Them poor caribou,"

you know, why can't wolves just
leave them alone?

But then I thought,
wolves need to eat, don't they?

So either the caribou lives
or the wolf does.

Made me feel quite sick,
to be honest.

Still glad I watched it, though.

Anyway, why'd you tell me
to meet you here?

Have you been gambling?

Of course not, these lot have.

Silly boys.

I know. Right, shall we go
Red Hot World Buffett?

Yeah, right, I've decided
what I wanted.

So, I think I might have Chinese
to start...

What the f*ck's a caribou?

Well, I should make a move,

I'm taking the Gambling Harm
Select Committee out for lunch -

but good start, though.

It'd be great to get some more
of your ideas

before we go to a contract on this.

You know, maybe I could take you for
a bit of a night out on the company.

A night out?

In our industry, we tend to find
that a lot of the best ideas

occur late at night
after a few drinks.

Oh!

Well, count me in.

♪ 20 quid for blues
who thrash the reds

♪ Then cash that cash
when the ref has said... ♪

I probably should've been at home

preparing for my
Cambridge interview,

but I was an impressionable


and this was the mid-2000s -

so, instead, I was playing Texas
Hold 'Em poker in the living room.

Er, Craggy, it's your go,
you're big blind.

f*ck off, I aren't big or blind,
what you on about?

No, I mean you're two positions in
front of t' dealer

so you need to check or raise.

I don't get this, me.
That's it, I'm done.

You mean you fold? Yeah, whatever.

Let's see your cards.

What? You nearly had a flush!

I wanna flush this f*ck' poker
set down t' toilet, me.

Rupert had demanded to get in
on the action,

describing himself as a poker expert
with an aggressive style of play.

Better f*ck' fold, Ralph,
or I'll break your legs.

What did you have?

I had a pair of aces.

Three high.

Next hand, Rupert's deal.

Hurry up, mush.

Here, Addy, what shall I do?

You know I don't gamble.

I'm not asking you to gamble,
I'm just asking for help.

If I had diamonds with anything
higher than a six here,

I'd raise big blind times three.

Eeyah, is he right, Tinhead?

I ain't getting involved.

Geonbae. Sorry, pardon?

That's Korean for cheers.

Oh, OK.

I'm always saying stuff like that.

SHE LAUGHS

Dat a*s just mai Wee.

That's Luxembourgish
for that's just my way.

Oh. So I was interested in
the idea that you had

around nostalgia
in relation to gambling. Hey.

Bradley! Hi, what -
what are you doing here?

I'm here for the night out,
the hospitality night.

But that's tomorrow.

No, I, I got an email saying
definitely tonight.

f*cking Corina.

I'm sorry, it's my assistant,
Corina.

A bit useless. I'd sack her,

but I think that might be
a breach of the auntie's code.

Um, yeah, great,
sit down then, Bradley,

as you're here.

So, Bradley, this is Liam,

he's from the creative agency
that we're working with.

Hey, Bradley.

Yeah.

Bradley, can I get you a drink?

Triple whisky and coke.

Wherever we went, there were
opportunities to gamble.

My national winnings now nearly all
frittered away,

I had Addy to try
and help me salvage something.

What shall I do?

Nudge the left one.

Oh, for f*ck's sake, Addy.

It's not my fault.

It's gotta drop soon, you can tell
from t' sound of t' coin.

That's bollocks.

There's no way you can reliably tell
when it's gonna drop

just from t' sound.

f*ck it, my last quid.

If you can make one heap
of all your winnings

and risk it on one turn of pitch
and toss and lose

and start again at your beginnings

and never breathe
a word about your loss,

then you'll be a man my s...

f*cking b*stard, I lost everything.

Oh, well...


why did you tell me to do that?

I didn't tell you to do owt,
you make your own f*cking mistakes.

I've never seen Addy
get like that before.

It's a fool's game, gambling.

Well, why you on that
itbox all day, then?

Oh, this in't gambling,
not for me.

Love the sliders, Bradley.

Oh, thanks.

So, how do you know Bradley?

Oh, Bradley is one
of our VIP customers.

VIP?

Yeah. That is to say, he's one
of our most, er...

..loved, er... friends.

Right. So, Bradley,

we were actually just in
the middle of a meeting,

but if you're happy just playing on
your phone, then, great.

I'm playing that new game
you guys sent me.

Oh, yeah, that. Um...

Well, if I give you a call tomorrow,

then you can tell us
what you think about it then.

I'll tell you now,
that was the whole point of coming.

OK, yeah. Um...

I kinda... love it.

Well, that's brilliant.
We'll feed that back to the team.

So, Bradley is, very kindly,
testing out a new game for us.

Lost a lot of credits on it
already, though.

Well, these things happen.

I can see myself getting
the hang of it more,

you know, the more I play it.

That's the spirit.

At least you're not playing
with real money, eh?

No, I am.

So, my gambling days were over.

Sure, I'd lost all my money

but who needed riches or excitement
when I had my mates?

That is, except for Addy,

who hadn't been at
the lads' house for days

and wasn't answering his phone.

I bet he got fed up of us
gambling so much.

Craggy, who was especially close to
Addy, was particularly thrown.

I just don't get it.

His parents said he in't at
home either -

he never disappears,
that's, like, his... his thing.

Say what you want about Addy
but he's always there,

I just don't get it.

Just calm down, Craggy -

I know you're worried,
but you're acting like a maniac.

Like I keep telling you,

he's probably just come
to stay at Tania's. Watch.

No, he in't here. What?!

Just wait, Craggy.
He's not here, Tania?

Nah, I ain't heard from him
all week. What the...?!

Hang on, Craggy. Just...
Sorry, Tania.

You've not heard from him
all week?

I've been trying to call him,
but I couldn't get through.

I mean, I were texting him
on Tuesday about gazelles

but he said he were busy
with coursework -

or were it Wednesday?

But you're saying you ain't heard
from him anyway?

Well, that's a surprise to me
because if he in't there

and he in't here, then I ain't got
a clue where he is.

You what?!
Well, we have to find Addy!

We looked everywhere we thought
Addy might be -

sixth form, his parents' house,

the local garage where he sometimes
did volunteer unpaid labour

just so he could be near the cars,

but then, just as we were starting
to get truly worried...

..f*cking doing? Get off me!

Get off him. Addy, mate,
just breathe, yeah?

Ralph and I clearly assumed a kind
of good cop, bad cop dynamic here.

I just don't
understand this at all.

With Craggy alongside
as a sort of confused cop.

This in't like you Addy,
it don't make no sense.

Addy, just tell us what's been
going on, mate. I don't wanna.

You'd better do, sunshine,
or I'll put you through that window.

Addy, mate, come on,
we're all best mates.

Fine. I've been gambling
on the roulette machine.

Yeah, we can see that, you
daft twat. Ralph, shut up.

Since when, Addy?

Well, just a couple of days,

I guess it was seeing you lot
gamble so much and helping you win

that I just couldn't be
a spectator no more.

So I started playing online poker
but it's boring

and slow and it took ages
to win any money,

so I started coming down here,

just to bet on horses at first

but then I saw this machine.

Just something about the wheel going
around and the sound,

I wanted to work out the system
to it, you know?

Like everything in
the universe has got a system to it,

even if it looks like chaos -

and finally I think I've cracked it.

The system to this machine, I mean.

What's the system?

Basically, you generally lose
more than you put in.

Right. Potentially quite a lot more.

So how much have you lost?

All of my savings. Like, 600 quid.

I wanted to borrow some money off
you, you twat!

Oi! What's his mam and dad gonna say

when they find out he's lost all
of his savings?

How are we gonna stop him from
losing even more?

I just don't know.
Take him behind t' garages

and smack him about a bit,
that's t' only way.

Wait.

I've got an idea.

Tinhead, we need to talk
to you about summat.

I knew this day would come.

It's Addy.

He's been gambling a lot,
and he's lost a lot -

and, you know, I got
a sense that maybe you...

For me it all started
when I read about a bloke

who'd won a grand
on who'd be selected as t' new Pope.

Well, that's my kind
of thing, that, innit?

Turns out there's
a whole market for it,

novelty bets, they call 'em.

So I got stuck in,

betting on who'd be next James Bond,

the specific words
to come up in t' Queen's Speech,

amount of rainfall in April,

all sorts of nonsense...

..and for a while I were up,
way up.

Planning to buy me mam a cruise.

And then I lost it all,

on a bet it would snow on
Christmas Day...

..in Kuwait.

So what can Addy do now?

He won't be able to stop
till he's hit rock bottom.

That could be weeks, months, years.

I'll bet you me shoes that
Portsmouth beat Liverpool.

Should be able to stop now.

So what can we do?

I can only tell you
what worked for me.

Lock him up for three days,
stay by his side,

don't let him gamble.

Talk to him about how he wants his
life to be from now on,

a life without gambling.

Suggest Gambler's Anonymous

and... you've gotta tell
his mum and dad.

No way.

Thank you, Tinhead.

So we're not going to beat him up?

Three positive gambling-free days
later, we felt hopeful for Addy.

You want a tea, mate?

Yes, please.

Um, actually I don't think we've got
any milk... or teabags

Or mugs. Don't worry about it.

How you feeling, Addy?

First day of t' rest of your life,
mate, a whole new chapter.

Yeah, about that -

I do appreciate you lot
helping me out,

but there's something I ain't
told ya.

Oh, God, I don't think my mind
can take this. What is it?

I didn't just gamble me savings.

I took out a load of Bunga loans,
and all -

about 500 quid's worth -

and in a couple of days the interest
is gonna start kicking in

and by next weekend,
I'll be two grand in debt.

Right, we're definitely beating him
up now. You...

Addy, we've gotta tell
your parents.

No. That in't happening. You don't
understand what that'll mean.

Well, what other option
have you got?

Look, I'm off to uni in September.

I can ignore it till then

and then work out what
to do once I'm a bit older.

So, interest on Bunga is 5,853%.

At that percentage,
by the time I graduate,

I'll be in debt by...

Back in a bit.

We decided to do what we could
to help Addy.

We can give you our total savings
of 300 quid.

Thank you.

I hope you don't mind me asking
for the bill,

it's just I've got
an early start tomorrow.

I'd better go up to the bar.

Yeah, just a sec.

How are you getting on?

I'm chasing, man.
This is a chasey game.

What does chasing mean?

It means I'm chasing,
what do you think?

Yeah, but chasing what?

Losses! I am chasing f*cking losses.

OK? I've just lost two grand
in two hours, OK?

Any more questions?
God, you're like my f*cking wife.

"Oh, what you doing Bradley?"

You know, "Why didn't you come
to bed last night?"

"How can you afford to go to
the Champions League final"

"when we suddenly can't afford new
school shoes for Kieran?"

You happy now?

No.

Look, Bradley, I had a friend who
had a gambling problem, and he...

I don't have a problem, mate.

Um, will you tell Marcia
that, er...?

In fact, don't.
Don't tell her anything.

DOOR OPENS

I've got the answer.

I'm gonna put some bets on.

OK, Ralph, now you can beat him up.

No, wait! It's not like that.

I've been reading
about arbitrage betting.

Addy then took about an hour
explaining arbitrage betting,

which roughly involves placing bets
on all possible outcomes

in order to obtain a profit.

A particular form of this arose with
the advent of betting websites

and the free promotional bets
they offer to new customers,

it was possible to use freebies to
back a bet on one betting site

and then use your own money
to lay an equal bet

against your original bet on
a betting exchange site.

These bets then represent all
mutually exclusive outcomes

that cover all state space
possibilities...

Well, the point is,
it's f*cking complicated.

But in theory you can't lose -

so technically it in't
even gambling,

I just need you lot
to give me that £300

so I can lay some bets on
t' footie tonight.

But there in't even
any footie tonight.

Do you not follow
the Romanian second division?

FC Inter Gaz Bucuresti
versus FC Petrolul.

The unmissable fixture.

We had everything sorted,

just in time for the game.

Go on...! Wait, who do we want
to win again?

Win, lose, draw, it doesn't matter.

Wait, so you're saying you'll win
whatever happens?

That's the idea.

I don't think I can take
any more of this.

Well, I'm gonna be
supporting Petrolul.

You would, f*cking glory hunter.

No, I just like the way they build
from deep midfield.

Boring, mate. Inter Gaz on
counterattack all t' way for me.

Go on, Petrolul.

Go on, Inter Gaz!

Don't you wanna watch?

I'm just glad it's over.

Yes! Victory! Get in!

Ionut Voicu is a f*ck' liability.
He shoulda gone off at half-time.

♪ Hai Petrolul, hai Petrolul

♪ Hai acum, echipa mea

♪ Hai Petrolul, hai Petrolul

♪ Lupta si vei castiga! ♪

It were a pretty good game,
to be fair.

I don't believe this.

What is it, Addy?

I've been gubbed.

No, no, no, no, no, more of this!

What? Gubbed.

It means betting websites knew
I was matched betting.

Hardly any of them
have gone through.

Do you think they share information
with each other?

What? You think online companies
share information

with each other about
individual customers?

Welcome to modernity, Ralph.

So what do we do now?

Nowt. It's over.

The next time we saw Addy,

he was coming to collect his stuff.

He was in the kind of trouble
that's so serious

your parents are actually
just really nice to you.

So what have they said?

Well, you might not be seeing me
for a while.

Until then, I'll be keeping
my head down,

working at t' fish tank shop
and making tawbah.

What's that?

Oh, it means repentance in Arabic -

you know, doing right thing after
doing wrong.

So Alan won't be sending you
to hell?

I don't think so,

Allah doesn't see anyone as perfect.

We all make mistakes,
it's what you do next what counts.

HE KNOCKS
Um, could I have two minutes?

I'd best be off, then.

I appreciate you lads
looking out for me.

Here, come on. Come here.

Um, I have quite
a lot of tins of kidney beans

so I'm afraid I've had to throw
a lot of your food away.

Oh, yeah, Craggy and Ralph had to
get a lodger to replace Addy.

Colin, weird guy.

Yeah, man,
been meaning to catch up with you.

Er, Marcia emailed

saying she wanted to apologise
for last night, what happened?

Oh, it was nothing, really.
Er, it doesn't matter.

Well, she said they also
wanna put you on a retainer,

which means, er, you'll only be
working on their stuff.

That'll be a nice little salary
upper, mate.

Mm. So I need to, er...



Wait, is that...?

Sorry, is that 30% on top of
the promotion pay rise?

Yeah.

Plus the signing on bonuses
that you already... Sorry, er...

I actually came in here to quit,

so that's what I need to do.

What? You don't wanna work on
the gambling account?

On any account, the whole job.

I quit.

Er, why?

Well, I tried to quit already,
the other week,

but you just promoted me -

but it's... all the money,
all the perks,

they're, er, worth nothing
if the work is, at best,

meaningless and at worst, immoral.

So, I quit.

♪ Don't I make it look easy

♪ Don't I make it look good

♪ Now you drank up
all my liquor, come on... ♪

You can't just quit, Liam.

Too late. I just have.

♪ What I'm s'posed to do now? ♪

Nah, I mean sort
of administratively -

you literally just signed
a new contract.

We'll have to do an exit meeting -

I dunno, we can expedite your notice
if that's what you want,

but I have to speak to HR

and then, well, Torrin can
send over your P45, and...

Could you actually forward all
that onto...?

Forward it all onto your finger?

Yeah.

Doesn't quite cohere as
a piece of communication, does it?

f*ck off, basically,
is what I was trying to say.

That was it. Oh, OK.

♪ ..all that sh... Come on... ♪

Oh, you left this.

I don't want that.

Well, don't you want the stuff
that's in it? There's nothing in it.

It's, er... just something that
I was carrying around

to look important.

Cheers, then.

TV: This week's Roadshow is half in
Lancashire and half in fairy land.

Hah.

In fact we're in Clitheroe,
in the beautiful...

♪ My mate's out, his pad's a mess

♪ It's getting late
I've not dashed yet

♪ The question I have to ask myself

♪ Is can I see us
not battering them?

♪ If I can't see that happening then

♪ I'm gonna put all my money down
on one fat bet

♪ Now I don't know the first thing
about football

♪ But my instincts tell me
this is my windfall

♪ It's his lucky day, that's a given

♪ He'll tick the box on the slip
and then just watch and learn... ♪