Dead Snow (2009)

[bunniefuu]

No!

Stop it, please, that's really annoying
when you keep changing the stations...

Hey guys, here's a good one...

There was this guy who went
up into the mountains to go skiing.

This guy went way far up there...

Right between the mountain
peaks, it says here...

the idiot calls for his bloodhound.

- Avalanche!
- Not very smart.

After two days of searching for him...

they found he had dug himself
six yards down.

That's actually quite normal.

When you're buried in an avalanche
you become so disoriented

that you have no idea
which way is up.

Most people end up digging downward.

- Much too easy to dig upward!
- You just spit, you know?

Any of you been
in the military?

- Yes.
- No.

If an avalanche gets you,

spit to find which direction is up.

You just gonna lie there and drivel?

What do you mean, drivel?

It means to drool.

- Drool!
- You owe me a Coke.

If you're trapped underneath the snow,
you just spit...

and see which direction the saliva is running.

And dig in the opposite direction.

I don't remember stuff
like that from the military.

All I can remember
is my service number.



How about that 69, Martin?

No, thanks, sorry
I'm not interested.

It's your loss!

How about Hanna's cousin?

- What's her name?
- Chris?

- Yeah, is she single?
- She's very single.

I don't know her, but Hanna
says she's...very single.

Hey guys, any chance of...making
it in through the rear door?

You would need to spit first.

Where is Sara now?

I really don't know.

She'll get there tomorrow,
or maybe tonight.

I don't understand why she's
crossing those mountains by herself.

So, tell me about the boys
coming on this trip.

Okay...

Martin is the handsomest one...and he's mine.

Oh, by the way, what will he do?

Will he stay at the university?

I don't really know.
I don't think he does either.

It's not good for a medical student
to be scared of blood like he is.

He's so silly, that Martin.
So sensitive.

Martin's afraid of blood
and studying to become a doctor?

- Mmm hmm.
- You're kidding?

Then there's Vegard.
He's the boyfriend of Sara.

Then we have Erlend.

The world's biggest film nerd.

And Roy, the horniest guy
north of the Arctic Circle.

He's single,
and he's all yours!

Thanks. Nice!

Yes!

How does it feel
to be the losers?

That passing you
did back there...

Okay, just follow
the snowmobile tracks...


direction, and you're there.

And when you get there...

I'll have the bags unpacked
and the cabin warm.

Can I use my cell phone here?

Nah. Haven't had a signal in a while.

So you mean we can't make
any dirty phone calls?

Try 911.

Good luck.

♪ Mile after mile ♪
♪ after mile... ♪

Hang on a second.

Hey, hey, hey...I got a question for you.

How many movies start
with people on a...

trip to a cabin without any
service on their mobile?

Friday the 13th is one.

Yeah, but they have no phone service
because they have no phones.

Evil Dead 1 and 2.

Yeah, in a sense, except that...

a lot of people regard number 2
as a remake of number 1,

only with a bigger budget.

Okay, new rule:

Nobody can mention any more movies
for at least one full hour.

Good for me.

It's for your own good, Erlend.

If you want to try and have
some fun this weekend,

you can't act like such a nerd.

f*ck you, Roy!

And there's April Fool's Day
from about 1984, I believe.

That was a famous one.

Don't you agree?

Uh...yeah, sure.

Come on!

Hi!

Oh man, my hands are frozen.

It's so beautiful up here.

It's really nice here.

- So, uh...what do we do?
- Watch a movie?

- Let's unpack and get settled.
- I've got a better idea.

- Left foot on green.
- Oops.

- You've got it.
- Ouch!

What are we playing this game for?

Because...Hollywood told us
that it's so much fun.

Right foot on red.

This has got to be the most
boring game ev...er.

- Are you kidding?
- No.

- For real? Okay.
- Yes.

Let me show you the anesthetic...

for the Middle Ages.
Lie down.

- Lie down? What are you doing?
- Hands together, please. Thank you very much.

- You're sitting on my hands.
- That's a part of the plan.

- Close your eyes.
- No!

- So, close your eyes.
- No, I won't do it.

Okay. There we go.

- Relax.
- Stop it. I can't see anything.

I don't like this.

- Just relax.
- What are you doing?

- Relax.
- Let go of me.

- Let go of me!
- Martin!

Stop it now! Let me go!

I'm only kidding.

Why did you do that?

I couldn't breathe.

- I'm sorry. Come here.
- No!

All right. Okay.
Oww!

- So, uh, how do you play?
- Get the beer.

- Huh? Beer.
- Beer, beer, beer, beer.

Mmmm! Beer!

Hello?

Is someone there?

- Someone's out there!
- What?

I saw someone!

It could be Sara.

- It wasn't Sara!
- Sure it wasn't a moose?

What the f*ck! I know the difference
between a moose and a man!

I can't see anything.

There isn't anything. Vegard is right.
It's just an animal.

That's the way women are.
They get scared by anything.

Could I have a cup of coffee?

Who made the coffee?

It's organic.

- Was it good?
- No, not very.

What's a fine group of kids like you...

doing in a place like this?

Easter break.

- Ahh. Is the cabin yours?
- No, my girlfriend's.

So, who's the lucky girl?

Oh, uh, she's not here.

She's on her way,
skiing across lstind.

- Coming over lstind?
- She's a little...

...more sporty than
the rest of us.

Oi. Oi. Oi.

Is it...
ls the terrain there dangerous?

Terrain is the least of your worries
when you're up there in those mountains.

I don't suppose you small, spoilt brats
could be bothered to read...

a little of the local
history about this area...

before you came snow-snowmobiling
into this place?

Events have occurred here,

events that people prefer
to keep quiet about.

During the Second World w*r,

Oksfjord was seen as a vital area
for the Germans.

It was a key harbor
for the German battleships,

a significant link for stopping
the trade convoys

between Russia and England.

Einsatz.

That was the name
of the controlling battalion

that was garrisoned here.

Unlike most places,
where the Germans

got along rather well
with the local population,

that was not the case here.

They were commanded by Colonel Herzog...

they made life hell
for the local people.

People were tortured, beaten,
and mistreated every day.

Trust me on this.

These were evil, sadistic devils.

However...

near the end of the w*r,
they went a little too far.

The Germans realized
that they were losing

and the Russians
were closing in.

They entered every house
in Oksfjord

and stole any valuables
they found.

All the gold and silver. Took all the money.
Everything they saw.

If anyone objected, they got
a b*llet in the head.

Shortly thereafter,

the Germans were in
for a hell of a big surprise.

Secretly, the local population had united...

and decided enough was enough.

The 3,000 inhabitants
needed to release

all their rage and anger

that had built up
during three years.

So, they gathered any weapons
they could find:

weapons like scythes, axes, cleavers,
and shovels.

Anything that could crack a skull.

So, uh, when the night-time fell,
they attacked us.

The 300 soldiers didn't stand
a chance, and they knew it.

Some of them were k*lled;
but, uh...

yeah, the devil himself,

Colonel Herzog,
and many of his soldiers...

managed to escape.

They ran into the mountains.

They brought along
a lot of the stolen goods,

dead, greedy b*stards.

The people from Oksfjord
followed them...

but they lost track
of them up here...

in these mountains...

where they most likely
froze to death.

And that's why...
one must tread very gently.

There is an evil...

An evil you don't
want to awake.

We better be careful.

We don't want 'em to wake up.

I need to move along.

Remember what I've said.

Yeah, we're all medical students,
anyway,

so I don't think you really
have to worry about us.

It's too bad no one's taught us
how to cure evil yet,

I think we get that
next semester.

If you stand with your own
intestines in your hands,

then what will you do, huh?

Or get your limbs torn off your body?
What'll you do?

Did they ever teach you that?

Thanks for the coffee.

Sara?

Sara?
Sara?

Sara?

Sara?

Hello?

Is there anyone out there?

Hello?

I have a weapon.

Shouldn't you wait
'till tomorrow?

- She'll show up later today.
- There's no problem.

I'm sure you're right, but...

I have a funny feeling
that something's wrong.

- She'll be here...
- Listen.

If I'm not back here by tomorrow...

If I'm not back by tomorrow,

follow the snowmobile tracks
down to the cars.

Then go get help, okay?

- Okay-
- Okay-

I'll find her, no worries.

See you later.

Drive safely.

Okay, boys, let's have
a clean race.

Start on my mark,
and no dirty tricks, okay?

- Just one dirty trick.
- Not even one!

Okay, are the drivers ready?

Okay, ready, go!

♪ ♪

Come on!
Whoo!

- Oh, Erlend!
- Whoo!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Hi.

Oh, f*ck!

Paging Doctor Hovden.
Doctor Hovden to the ER.

Martin, I can see you've
still got your little problem.

You won't get much action
if seeing a little blood makes you sick.

You f*cking child.

How are you gonna get through
six years of medical school...

when you wanna puke
from a tiny cut?

Maybe you'd be better off being a baker?

- Who wants a beer?
- Are you all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Sorry.

f*ck' bag!

Check it out!

- Fortune and glory, kid!
- Fortune and glory...

Says 1942.

Hey, hey, hey, that's mine...

Let's wait until Sara
and Vegard come back, okay?

Lets leave it alone until then.

No. Okay.

- Sara!

Sara!

We're two fine,
little ladies...

Hey, take it easy, all right?
We don't know who really owns it.

That box has been there for 50 years.

Let's help ourselves, cash in,
and pay off our student loans.

Listen, it hasn't been there for 50-some-odd
years with nobody noticing it.



More like 100 years.
I know it.

People have noticed,
and it's just junk.

Huh? Junk? Junkie junk? Junkie.

It's just junk.

- I'm going to take a sh*t.
- Best of luck!

Hey, name it after me.

Y'all. I'll be back, y'all.

f*ck!

- Okay, a joke.
- Spare me!

It's good.
Includes a lot of poop, pee, and semen.

- Once upon a time, there was a poop...
- It's important...

Look, there are no good jokes...

that don't have
poop, pee, or semen in them.

- Chris?
- Hush!

No...

- You think that's a good joke?
- It is a good joke!

That's something
to fall back on

when you don't become a doctor.

Standup, I could do standup...Erleeend!

You took a long time.

Did you see Chris?

Ye-es!

Erlend?

Erlend, are you there?

Erlend, stop it!

Erlend?

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

I know.

Shhh!

Help!

- f*ck you, the song's not over.
- Shut up! Listen...

Chris?

Chris?

Chris!

No answer-

I called out, but no one was there.

She's f*ck' around, maybe?

I'm not five. Don't talk
to me like I'm a moron.

Hanna, she was drinking and
she probably passed out.

Okay, I'll go look for her, okay?

Hey, we'll sh**t her!

Bring it with you, Martin.

It's that madman, from before.

Okay, umm...
Let's go look for her. Okay?

Okay, uhh...check the outhouse.

We'll check around the, uhh...the cabin.

- Shotgun!
- Hey!

Martin, can I try it?

Stop bothering me.

- Please, can I hold it?
- No!

- Is it heavy?
- A little.

- Let me try it.
- Maybe later.

- Shush!
- What?

Did you find her?

- I'm carrying a shotgun...a shotgun!
- Sorry!

Martin! Look at this.

What a f*ck' trip!
This is bullshit.

Chris, are you taking a sh*t?
Did you pass out in there?

No.

- She wasn't there.
- It's not a joke.

- She wasn't there.
- What do you mean?

Not in the outhouse
or behind the cabin.

She wasn't there.

I found this bag.

- Maybe she's inside there?
- Stop fooling!

- It's Sara's.
- Huh? Sara's bag?

- Where'd you find it?
- It was in the snow. I found it outside.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

We should go find her.

She could be freezing
to death out there.

Okay, let's get dressed
and let's go find her.

We go out there and look for her,
or she's gonna die out there.

I'm not going out there, okay?
It's freezing!

- We have to look for her.
- We already looked for her. She's nowhere to be found.

Why wouldn't you go?
Would you want to be left out there?

Uhh, thank God!

What the f*ck!

What's the matter?
What, what is it?

I saw Chris' head!
I saw her head!

There's nothing there.

Pull! Pull!

f*ck! The sofa. The sofa,
put it in front of the door.

Stay away from the windows!

Hurry up! Move it!
Push it in there.

Turn it.

Leave the f*cking cushions!

- Come on, hurry up!
- Hanna, quick!

Don't worry.
They can't get in here.

Grab the table.

Martin! Martin!

Nazis!

Zombies!

Don't get bitten!
Don't get bitten, okay?

Shut up!
What the f*ck do we do, huh?

Come on, let's get to the car.

- Erlend!
- Erlend!

I told you that we should
have gone to the beach.

Martin!

Martin, don't bite!

Why is it so quiet out there?

They're having lunch
on what's left of Erlend.

We should do something.

- Do what?
- We can't just sit here.

Try to find the car. Find some
way out of here. Get help.

Only Vegard knows the way,
and the snow hid the tracks.

All right...

We have to do something.

Can't just keep sitting here, anymore, and think
that this is just going to take care of itself.

Should we split up?

Two of us try to find the car,

and two of us stay here
and wait for Vegard.

But if we leave we'll still be attacked
by those f*cking n*zi monsters.

Then two go out
and make noise,

then those things can follow them,
while the others get away, into the woods.

They can run down towards the fjord.

There are people
who are by the fjord.

And they can go and get help.

Who are the two lucky b*stards
who will be acting as bait?

You have to do something also!

Where are you,
you f*ck' pussies?

What, are you afraid of daylight, huh?

f*ck, they're gonna be really pissed!
That was a bit too much.

Come on.

Sara?

Come on!

f*cking coward.

Okay.

- Do you know where we are?
- No.

- Huh?
- Not a chance.

- It all looks the same.
- Okay.

- Which way?
- Both go downwards.

- We have to split up.
- What?

One of us has to get down
to the f*cking car.

- We'll go to the car together.
- Liv, listen to me.

We have no chance alone.
We have to go together.

I mean it.
One of us has to get down to that car.

- Hanna, please!
- Liv, listen to me!

Okay?

Okay?

You saw what happened
to Erlend.

- There's no chance if we split up.
- Okay.

We must stay together.

Okay.
Okay. Okay-

- Let's run together.
- Let's run together.

Hush.

Hush!

Throw it, damn it!

Are you sure this is gonna work?

Have you ever tasted
moonshine from Finnmark?

Now!

Hi, my name is Martin Hovden.
We're up in a cabin by Oksfjord.

We're trapped! We're being attacked
by what looks like

Nazis from the Second World w*r.

By accident,
we've set fire to the cabin,

and...Hello? Hello?

f*ck! The c**t hung up on me.

Of course she hung up.

It sounds like
you've smoked your underpants.

What the f*ck should I have said to her?

Say that we're being
attacked by t*rrorists,

Tell them they're launching
a huge f*cking rocket.

Then they'll get here by
chopper if we tell them that.

f*cking Nokia,
the battery ran out.

f*ck! Come on!

We have to get to the shed.

Shed, what? Why the f*ck do
you think we should do that?

We haven't got time for this.

- I can't see anyone.
- I'll try and find the light.

You know what we have to do, right?

- Agree?
- Yeah.

Here they come.

Where have you been?

Where the f*ck did you
get hold of a machine g*n from?

Well. I've been busy.

Where are the others?

Hanna and Liv...they went back
for the car, trying to find some help.

The others are...

They're. . .?

Watch out, behind you!

Martin!

Martin!

- No, no, no!
- What?

Remember what Erlend said?
Remember?

Do not get bitten.

No matter what you do,
don't get bitten.

Then you will become...

Isn't your grandfather
half-Jewish?

I don't think they would not recruit someone
who is half-Jewish, would they?

You'll be infected if...
You'll become like them.

Look what they did to Vegard.

It doesn't look as if they
want us on their team, does it?

I've thought about that,
believe me!

What's that for?

They taught us
amputation, do you remember?

What the f*ck are you doing?

No, no, no!

Let's gut that f*ck
and get the hell out of here.

Arise!

Roy!

Run like hell!

f*ck!

Oh, f*ck!