01x10 - Puppy Love

[bunniefuu]

[People chattering]

Hey, listen
to this, rerun.

Not only are
pedigreed dogs great
as show dogs,

But you can teach them
practically anything.

I know.

I know a dog
that can stand up
and speak.

A lot of dogs
can do that.

But this one
can also carry food.

Watch.

Hey, shirley,
bring some fries.

[Both laughing]

Hey, raj!

Wow, you look awful.

I do?

Yeah, man, you look
completely wiped out.

W-what's wrong, raj?

I'm up at 6:00 a.m.
Doin' my homework

Because at night,
I'm trying to teach
math and history

To that brainless
patrice williams.

Oh, don't worry,
it won't be
too much longer, raj.

Thank goodness.

Hi, everybody!

Patrice, you're
supposed to be
in the library!

Oh...

[Whispering]
hi, everybody!

This isn't the library,
patrice.

You've only got
now, go study.

Oh, I'm nervous.
And when I get nervous,
I have to eat.

Well, there's no reason
to be nervous.

Just remember
everything I told you
and you'll do fine, ok?

Ok!

Hey, patrice,
how's your
dog, susie?

Ooh, dwayne, she's so big.
She's gonna have those puppies
any minute now.

All right!

All right.
But go study, patrice.

Is she really
that stupid, raj?

You're smarter
than she is.

Wow! That is stupid!

Watch it, dwayne!

Sorry, rerun.

[Sighs]

We've got to get her
through those exams.

Yeah, we sure do,
and then we're goin'
to be rich.

We? We?

Her parents promised me
one of susie's puppies
for tutoring her.

I'm up all night.
I'm doing all the work,

But "we" are going
to be rich?

Well, I'm the one
that got you the job.

That's right.
He definitely deserves
a full share of the profits.

Mmm-hmm, and what are
you doing for your share?

I'm the entrepreneur.

The what?

The entrepreneur.

You look at any big business,

There's always
a giant behind it.

That's me.

Yeah, you're
the giant behind!

All right, g.b.

How rich do you think
we're gonna get?

I was hopin'
you'd ask me that.

I did a little
figuring here.

Mmm-hmm.

Now, it takes
2 months for one dog
to have puppies, right?

Wrong. It takes forever
for one dog to have puppies.

Hey, now, we're gonna get
another dog.

Now, dogs have an average
of 6 puppies each time, ok?

Right.

And figure $50 apiece
for pedigreed puppies.

$50?

That's right!

So, if susie's puppy
has 6 puppies,

And each one of those puppies
has 6 puppies,

And on and on,

Every 2 months,

At the end of the year

We'll have $388,000.

What?
What?

And that's only
the first physical year.

That's "fiscal."

Right.

And at the end
of the 2nd
physical year,

We will be
the proud owners

Of 60,466,176 dogs...

60 Million?

And make over $3 billion
in only 2 years.

Now that is dumb, rerun.
That is really dumb.

How are we going to
take care of
60 million dogs!

There ain't even
60 million trees!

Hold it! We only have
one dog so far,

And we don't have any place
to keep it.

You mean your mama
won't let you
keep the dog?

I've been afraid
to ask her.

She's never let us
have a dog

Because she says
it only makes a mess
and costs money.

Well, did you tell her
how much money
we're gonna make?

We can't count on
that money, rerun.

We-- this whole thing
can fall apart.

No, it can't, raj,

We've put
too much into it.

We've?
We've?

How did you get
"we've," rerun?

It's a mixture
of "we" and "have."

"We've," it's called
a contraption.

Here he comes.
Here he comes.

Give it to him
good, mama.

Dee, sit down
and be quiet.

Hey, mrs. Thomas.

Hi, mama, I'm really
glad you're here.
I gotta talk to you.

This is true.

Boy, you're gonna
get it now, raj.

What's the matter, mama?

Be patient.
She'll tell you.

Tell him, mama.

Do you know what this is?

An envelope?

Good.

It's from your high school.

Now, would you like
to guess what's in it?

It's a low-grade notice
that says your marks
are lousy,

And you're really
gonna get it.

That's my guess.

She guessed it.

C'mon. That silly
low-grade notice.

[Boys laughing]

Everybody gets that
sooner or later.

Really?

[Roger]
really.

And this is the back
of my hand.

And everybody gets this
sooner or later, too.

And you're closer
to sooner than later.

Now, I want
an explanation.

Is it because of that girl
you've been seeing
so much of?

Um, yes, it is, but--

No buts!

I just don't want you
goin' out with her anymore.

But we don't go out, mama.
We stay home.

I'm tutoring her
and tonight
is the last night anyway.

If you don't believe me,
call her mother.

Mrs. Williams will tell you
it's the truth.

And just what are you
getting out of all
this tutoring anyway?

W-well...

Well...

Huh?

Nothing.

Nothing, huh?

Do you believe
that, mama?

Do you take mama
for a fool, raj?

[Sighs]

He's taking you
for a fool, mama.

I'm gonna take you
for a walk.

Now you're really
gonna get it,
for mouthing off at me.

Give it to him, mama.

Oh, shut up, dee.

What do you think
of that, raj?

She called you
dee by mistake.

Oh, mama, starting tomorrow,
I'll--i'll--i'll really
work hard

And I have plenty of time
to get my grades
back up again.

C'mon, trust me, mama.

All right, all right.

I'll let it go
this time,

But I don't want any
more of those letters coming
to this house, you hear?

Ok, mama, I promise you,
they won't.

Hmm. They'd
better not.

Ok. Come on, y'all.

Now, I'm going
to the store,

And I don't want you
guys hangin' around
here too long, you hear?

'Cause I know you all
have homework
to do, too.

All right.

[Muttering]

And it seems to me you've got
some work you could be doing,
too, young lady.

I know my work.

Oh! Is that right?

Yes, mama.

Then how come you
got a "c" in spelling?

Because that dumb teacher
misspelled "a."

You just study
your spelling!

I'll see how much
you know when I come back.

Now, come on,
give mama some sugar.

Ok.

Mmm, mmmm!

All right.

♪ [Mama humming]

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

"Secretary."

"S,"

"E,"

"C"...

That was the perfect time,
raj, the perfect time.

Yeah, why didn't you
tell her about the dog?

Because you don't tell
my mama anything.

And the only way
I'm going to get her
to say yes when I ask her,

Is for me to tell her
the benefits
of having this dog.

You mean tell her
about the $3 billion?

We-- we're not going to make
$3 billion, rerun.

We need real facts
for her.

We've got to go to one
of these kennel clubs,
and get the exact information

About breeding
and everything else.

That makes sense.

Then why didn't you
think of it, "entrepreneur"?

Aha!

You see, raj,
the secret of being
a good entrepreneur

Is not being brilliant,

But surrounding yourself
with brilliant people.

Man, there ain't enough people
in the world to
surround you, rerun.

Hey, that bed really
looks comfortable, dwayne.

Ow!

[Laughing]

"Secretary"...

S-e-c...

Ok. Now, we also have
to find out from them

What to feed it,
and how to take care of it.

How hard can that be?

I don't care what they are,
babies are babies.

They drink milk, they sleep,
and they make a mess.

Hmm! That's just why
I don't like the idea
of having this one.

It'll make
all the tutoring
worthwhile.

As--as soon as you see
that cute little face
looking up at you.

Aw, man...

Well, I tell you,
I hope so.

I haven't been able
to think straight

Ever since mrs. Williams
told me that susie
was pregnant.

Uh-oh.

♪ [Humming]

Hi, mama.

Oh, hi, dee.

Mama, wait till you hear
what I heard about rog--

Wait a minute.
I don't want you talkin'

And telling me things
about your brother anymore,
you hear?

Not even about that girl?

No.

The one he's been
stayin' out late
teachin'?

No!

The one who's gonna
have a baby?

No!

[Dishware clattering]

Hmm.

Are you sure
this is the right number?
We'll see.

It was in roger's dresser,
under one of his shirts,

In one of his socks,
in plain view.

Oh, uh, hello, um...

Is this mrs. Williams whose
daughter is being tutored
by roger thomas?

Well, good, um...

This is mrs. Thomas.

Uh-huh.

My son is the one
who is doing the tutoring.

Uh-huh, well,
you see mrs. Williams,

Uh, I heard
that your daughter
likes him.

She says he's fantastic?

Oh!

Mrs. Williams,
let me ask you, uh...

You see, roger
never tells me anything
about his--

What he does.
Uh-huh, and I'm curious...

Do you have a nice house
and is susie pregnant?

Hey, shirley.

Yeah?
Come here, please.

Uh, you're smart,
aren't you?

Is a frog waterproof?

Waterproof?
Uh, I don't know,

'Cause I'm failing
biology, too.

Well, what can I
do for you?

Well, would you ask me
this math question, please?

Sure thing.
Let's see here, now.

"A train leaves new york
headed for los angeles

Traveling at 120 miles
per hour."

Oh!

"At the same time,

"A train leaves
los angeles

"Going towards new york

Traveling at 100 miles
per hour."

Ooh!

Listen to this part,
right here. Listen good.

"If the entire
trip is 3,247 miles,"

Uh-huh.

"Now where would they meet?"

Uh...

As soon as they crash.

That sounds right to me.

We gonna make a fortune.

Yeah, I think
you're right
this time, rerun.

You heard the guy
at the kennel club.

Those dogs are easy
to sell.

Everybody wants one.

Hey, there's patrice.

Hey, patrice.
Hey, you all.

Oh, I'm really
proud of you,

You're studying
your math.

Oh, yeah, and shirley's
been helping me, too.

Oh, no!

Oh, rerun.

How's susie?

I told you, dwayne,
she's gonna have
those puppies any minute now.

[All exclaiming]

All right, now,
but don't forget,
you've got history, too.

Oh, I know my history.

Go on,
ask me something.

Ok.

All right.
Who was the 16th president
of the united states?

Abraham lincoln!

Hey!

[All exclaiming]

Uh, all right, now...

What happened to him
during his 2nd term
in office?

He died.

[All exclaiming]

And how?

Uh, swine flu?

No.

Don't tell me, uh...

Let me give you a hint.

Theater.

Theater, theater.
Wait, th-theater.

Oh, I know it.
He was shot.

Shot, uh,
by john wilkes,
in the booth.

No! He was shot
by john wilkes booth

In the head.

Oh!

They should never let
a president go
to the bathroom by himself.

[Knocking at door]

What's happening, mabel?

Why'd you want me
to rush right over here?

It's roger, bill,
and it's all our fault.

Well, what happened?

We got divorced,
that's what happened,

And roger didn't have
you here when he
needed you.

All right,
what happened?

The girl he's been seeing
is pregnant.

That's what happened.

No, no, no, listen,
are you sure?

I mean how'd you
find this out?

Dee told me.

[Laughing]

And you believe
the first story that
somebody tells you, right?

[Laughs]
just like you
used to do with me.

No, I checked
and I found out.

Just like you
used to do with me.

I found out
it was true.

Just like you
used to do with me.

Well, who'd you
check it out with?

With the girl's mother.

What are we
going to do, bill?

Uh...

Well, we're gonna do
what any intelligent parent
would do in this situation.

That's what we're gonna do.

Hi, mama.
How you doing, daddy?

Fine, thank you, son.

"Fine, thank you, son"?

Just like that,
"fine, thank you, son"?

Well, my son asked me
how I was.

Since I was fine,
and I didn't want to lie,

So I said, um, "fine."

Added "thank you"
to show that I
appreciate his concern.

Mama, mama. Have I got
something to tell you!

Mmm-hmm.

You took the words
right out my mouth.

It's about that girl
I've been helping
with her studies.

Those are the words.

Well, I haven't been
doing it for nothing.
She's giving me something.

We know that, son.

Oh, you do?

We know all about it.

I called mrs. Williams.

Oh, you did.

Yes, I did.

And all I want
to know is, why?

"Why?"

Why did you get mixed up
with this girl
in the first place?

Well, I guess
it was for the money.

"For the money"?

You did it for the money?

Yeah. I'm even thinking
of doin' it for a living.

What?

Give me your belt,
I'm gonna k*ll you!

I'm gonna k*ll him, bill.
I'm gonna k*ll him!

Give them
the news, dwayne.

No news!

I want you all
to get out of here.

We're having
an intelligent conversation
about k*lling roger!

But wait a minute, mama.
They're in on this, too.

What?

Yeah.

They helped me
get started.

What are you
talking about?

You know, our big
business venture.

Oh, that's right,
mrs. Thomas,

We all did our share.

Little dwayne, too?

Oh, the whole thing
was my idea.

But you know, of course,
raj did all the real work.

Whoa!

You boys ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.

Look what you're putting
roger's mother through,
and me!

Disgraceful.
Just disgraceful.

Ok, if it's gonna cause
this much trouble,

I'll just call
the whole thing off.

Ha! Don't you wish
it was that easy?

It is.

It is.
Just watch.

Hello, mrs. Williams?

This is roger.
Is your daughter home?

She's gonna call me?
Why?

Really? She had them?

All right!

Susie's a mother!

Susie's a mother.
She had 4 male and 2 female...

[Exclaiming]

Hi!

How did you do?

[Mama gasping]

Oh!

Oh!

Ok, uh-huh...

Well, you can
relax now, mama.

It's all over.
There's no problem.

Just like that, huh?

Thank you, son.

Yep.

Yeah, just like that.

I won't be getting
any of the puppies.

What puppies?

One of susie's puppies.

That's what mrs. Williams
was gonna give me

For helping her daughter
patrice pass her tests.

Puppies?

Puppies!

It's puppies.

Susie's a dog!

Sure, puppies.

Of course,
it's puppies.

Why not puppies?

[Laughing hysterically]

Puppies!

Mama, what did
you think we were
talkin' about?

Hmm?

Well, it's--it's ok.
It's all over anyway.

I won't be bringing
the puppy here.

Oh, no, no,
wait a minute, darling.
I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to upset
you guys like that.

Uh, of course,
you can have a puppy
if you want one.

All right!
Get down!

No, I can't.

Why not?

Patrice flunked both tests.

Both tests?

Yeah.

After all
we did for her.

All that time.

Yeah.

All that teaching.

How could she fail?

Too much teaching.

Oh, now how could she fail
from too much teaching?

How? I'll show you how.

Ask me how lincoln died.

How did lincoln die?

He got crushed between
the 3:30 train out of new york

And the 2:10 train
out of los angeles.

[Dwayne and rerun]
oh, no!

How's your homework
coming along, roger?

Oh, fine, mama.
Just fine.

My grades will be back
to normal, I promise you.

Hey, that's good, son.

And why aren't you studying
instead of reading
that comic book, little girl?

I finished my studying.

Mmm-hmm.

Here, ask me
my spelling.

All right.

Let's see...

Spell "secretary."

"Secretary"?

Secretary.

"S,"

"E,"

"C,"

"U" later, mama.

[Laughing]

[Knocking at door]

Come in.

Raj, we're back
in business!

In this shoebox
lies our fortune.

Oh, no,
what is it this time?

Hamsters!

Hamsters!

Oh, I don't want
to hear it.

Oh, listen
to this, raj.

No.

Hamsters have an average
of 7 baby hamsters
per month,

Every month of the year.

And at $5 a throw,

We're talking
about $35,280

In 2 physical years.

Let me see that box.

And they don't take up
much room, neither.

That's because
they're not there.

What?

They're not there.

I had 'em when I
came in here.
Where'd they go?

Oh, no! Wait till my mama
hears about this.

[Dee and mama screaming]

[Screaming]

Mama! Mama!

Mama!