02x03 - Trial and Error

[bunniefuu]

Rerun, you want to eat now
or wait for raj?

Both.

You ready to order?

Yeah,
what's today's special?

Today we got holy chili.

Again!

Why do they call it
holy chili?

One bowl and you drop
to your knees.

I think I'll have
a hamburger.

Good thinking.

I won't have
anything.

[Raj]
hey, hey, hey.
What's happening!

Wow! What a
great looking bike, man.

Brand new.

What made pronson
break down and buy one?

Well, I gave him
this long moving speech,

About how customers deserve
better service.

That speech convinced him
to buy a new bike?

Yeah, because while
I was talking to him
someone stole the old one.

[Laughing]

Raj, can I take it
for a test ride?

There's not a bike
in the world
that could pass that test.

Yeah, sorry, rerun.
But, if anything
happens to this baby,

It's my responsibility.

Well, what's gonna
stop somebody
from stealing this one?

Hey, no one's gonna
steal anything.

I've got a lock
and a chain.

What's
the matter?

Someone stole
my lock and chain.

Well, you take that bike
out of here,

This is not a drive-in.

Well, I got to go anyway.
I got a lot of deliveries
to make.

Well, hold up, raj.
I'll walk out with you.
Later, rerun.

Here you go, rerun.
Where's raj going?

He's going to make
his deliveries.

Well, rerun,
when are you gonna
get a job?

I'm gonna start bringing home
a paycheck,

Right after I graduate
from high school.

Mmm-hmm,
that'll go nice with your
social security check.

[Car tires screeching]

[Crashing]

What was that?
I don't know.

Oh! It was terrible!
It was awful!

What? What?

It was horrible!
It was a mess!
It all happened so fast!

What? What?
What happened fast?
What?

What, dwayne?

Raj!

What happened?

[Sobbing]
I got hit by a car.

What?

I got hit by a car.

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine,
but look at this thing.
What am I gonna do?

It's a total wreck.

Listen, just be thankful
you're in one piece.

Shirley, you don't understand.
This bike is
my responsibility.

I gotta pay for it,
and it cost $72.

You can do it.

There you are, young man.
Are you all right?

Yeah, I think so.

Thank goodness.
Cause I'm all right, too.

Well, you should be.
You were in the car.

Listen, as long as I see
you're all right,

I'm willing
to forget everything.

Huh?

Now listen, I know
you're upset,
but let's face it,

You hit me broadside
as I was coming out
of the alley.

What are you
talking about?

I had the right of way.

Don't let him
push you around, raj.

Who are you?

You might say
I'm his legal advisor.

Yeah?

Well, this is between
him and me, so butt out.

That sounds like
good advice.

Uh, dwayne,
you saw everything.
You tell him.

Who me? This dwayne?

Yes, this dwayne.

What is this?
Are you kids trying to
swindle insurance money?

Are you kidding?
Look at my bike.
It's a total wreck.

Well, did you see
the big dent
you put in my car door?

Oh, uh, well,
it's too bad about your car.

I accept your apology.

Hey, I'm not apologizing.
I don't even think
it was my fault.

Listen, kid, I don't want
to argue with you.
I've got better things to do.

So do i.

Well, hold it
right there, sport.

The name is
charles hopkins.

Well, you're not
going anywhere,
charles hopkins,

Until you give raj
your address, phone number,
and driver's license.

That's fine with me.
If he does the same.

Oh, he's gonna
do the same. Here, raj.

Thanks. You got
any paper I can write
on?

Here's some.

I was willing
to forget everything.

It seems it doesn't pay
to try to do
somebody a favor.

What favor?

Your rammed your bike
into my car.

What?

You're lucky
I didn't call the police.

The only reason why I didn't
is because I am just
too nice a guy.

Too nice a guy?
He's lucky I'm a lady.

What am I gonna do?

How am I gonna
pay mr. Pronson back
for this bike?

Hopkins owes you
for the bike
and he knows it.

And you owe me
for lunch.

No, I don't, ha.

Mr. Hopkins was kind enough
to pick up my check. Ha, ha!

When, rerun?

When raj wrote his name
and address on the back of it.

I think I can
fix this wheel.

How's that?

Oh, great, rerun,
a square wheel.

You just set mankind back
5,000 years.

Oh, it's no use.
There's no way we can fix
this bike ourselves.

Hi, fellas.
How you doin', mrs. Thomas?

Hi, mama.

What's this mess, roger?

My new delivery bike.

Well, what happened to it?

Raj had a little accident.

Accident?

Wait. Don't get upset, mama,
I'm alright, really.
I didn't get hurt.

Yeah,
but what happened?

A guy in a big caddy
came flying out of a driveway
and creamed raj.

Do you want mama
to take you
to the doctor?

Oh, no, mama,
I'm fine.

Do you hurt anywhere?

I'm fine, really,
really, mama.

Well, thank heavens.

But what really gets me, mama,
is it wasn't even my fault!

I had just gotten on my bike
to make my deliveries,

And there he was,
coming out from nowhere.

That's right, mrs. Thomas.
That's exactly
how it happened.

I saw the whole thing.

And now I owe my boss
$72 for the bike.

There's only one thing
you can do:

Pay for the damages
and get it over with.

But, I don't think
I should have to pay
for anything.

That's right,
especially when it's
someone else's fault, right?

Right.
Well, what are you
gonna do?

I'll make him pay for it.
I'll take him to
small claims court.

All right, that sounds
like a great idea.

It he wins.
But what if he loses?

Oh, mama,
there's no way I can lose.

I have an open and shut case.
And I've got an eyewitness.

Who's that, raj?

You, dwayne.

Oh, yeah, right, me.

I hope you know
what you're doing.

I know. But I'm not
a kid anymore, mama.

And if I'm old enough to take
responsibility for this bike,

Then I'm old enough
to fight for my principles
in court.

And besides,
it only costs $2
to file a complaint.

You know something?

I'm proud of you
for handling this yourself.

Thanks, mama.
It'll be all right.

Can I borrow $2?

Here you go, rerun.

Where's the rest of it?

Oh, I couldn't get
the forklift
through the door.

What's happening?

Hey, raj!

Raj, what's that?

Oh, I want to keep my job,
so I've been using this
as a bicycle.

Must be tough
going uphill.

This isn't a real bicycle.

See, I never told my boss
about the accident, 'cause if
he knew, he'd go crazy.

So, what I do is,
I just lean this up
against the window,

And he never knows
the difference.

I just hope I can get away
with it until monday.

Well, what's monday?

I talked to the clerk down
at the small claims court,

And that's when
the trial's been set.

[Both]
all right.

How much you suing
hopkins for?

Exactly what he owes me,
$72.

Raj, are you crazy?

That's just the damages.
What about the mental anguish?

What mental anguish?

You know. The nightmares.
The way you wake up
in a cold sweat.

The way you start screaming
every time you see a cadillac.

I don't do any of that.

Well, you better start.
It could be worth
a couple of hundred bucks.

Look, all I want
is the hopkins owes me,

Plus the satisfaction
of proving that he was
to blame for that accident.

Hey, hey, hey.

Oh, hi, dwayne.

Hey listen, I stopped
by your house, raj.

This letter looked
awfully important,

So your mama told me
to bring it right over.

Thanks.
What is it?

Oh, from municipal court.

It's probably the confirmation
of my monday court date.

Uh-uh.

Did you open this letter?

I couldn't help it, raj.
I'm your star witness.

This letter affects me
as much as it does you.

Oh, no.

What's wrong, raj?

I'm being sued!
It's a cross-complaint.

If I lose, I have to pay
for the bike and the damages
to the car.

I gotta go.
Where?

I have to come up
with hundreds of
dollars.

I've got to make
as many deliveries as I can.

Hey, raj,
you forgot your bike!

Boy, mama was right.
I should've just

Paid for the bike
out of my weekly salary,

Instead of trying
to fight it in court.

Too bad she's got
to work the night
your case comes up.

You won't need her.
You've got an
open and shut case.

Just be careful
how you handle it.

What do you mean?

All you got to do is
stretch the facts
a little, right?

Uh-uh.

No, I don't need him
to stretch the facts.
I'm in the clear.

Gee, I hope
I know what to say.

Hey, don't worry,
you'll do fine.

As long as you
don't commit perjury.

Perjury?

Yeah, they can send you
to jail for that.

Jail?

Dwayne,
wait a minute, come back.

Dwayne!

I-i-i... My whole case
depends on you!

Without dwayne,
I don't have a prayer.

Amen!

Both parties
approach the bench.

Thank you.

Hey, shirley.
Thanks for coming.

Oh, I wanted to come.

Besides, after this,
I may only see you
on visitors' day.

Where's rerun?

I don't know.

Rerun, why are you wearing
a neck brace?

It's from
the accident.

Rerun,
you weren't any where's
near the accident.

I know, but when I heard
the crash,

I turned my head so fast
that I think I got
an expensive whiplash.

Rerun, I'm the one
the judge is supposed to feel
sorry for!

Now, take that
thing off.

Please, raj,
you're yelling
right into my neck.

Please! In the back row.

Order in the court!

Oh, yes.
Sorry, your honor.

Hey, raj.
You got a lady judge.

Yeah,
a judgette.

You know that's good
because older women
tend to pity me.

Uh-huh,
so do younger women.

Mr. Roberts, as a landlord,
you should know better.

After due consideration,

This court renders
your eviction notice
null and void.

Mrs. Hernandez may
return to her home.

Next case.

Did you see that?
This is gonna be a snap.

She obviously
loves the underdog.

The next case on the docket
is "thomas versus hopkins."

Hey, that's us!

If both parties are present,
will you please approach
the bench with your witnesses.

Hey, good luck,
raj.

Thanks, shirley, but I don't
need it as long as
dwayne comes through.

Would you all raise
your right hands, please?

Do you swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth

So help you god?
[All]
I do.

You may all be seated.

Oh, this doesn't appear
to be too complicated.

Who'd like to begin?

I should, your honor,
seeing as I shouldn't
be here in the first place.

Oh, wow. No way!

[Booing]

[Stammering]
it's a boo-boo in my neck,
your honor.

As I was saying,
your honor,

I inched carefully
out of the alley,
the one next to the soda shop.

Came to a complete stop,
honked my horn,

And looked both ways
as I always do.

When all of a sudden,
this young man,

Comes barreling
out of nowhere,

And crashes his bike
into the side of my car,

Causing $87.50
major damages, your honor,

As this estimate indicates.

I see.
Your honor, I object.

I consider
mr. Hopkins' opinions
both erroneous and irrelevant.

Not to
mention wrong.

[Dwayne]
all right!

Order in the court!
You'll get your turn soon,
mr. Thomas.

Oh, excuse me
if I was out of order,
your honor. I'm sorry.

That's all right,
mr. Thomas.

Uh, actually,
it's master thomas,
your honor.

Uh, you see, I'm just a kid
from a poor
but honest background.

We--we never could even
afford a bicycle,

And I've never even been
in a courtroom before.

I haven't graduated
high school yet,

I haven't made
my way through life.

I guess I'm just
at your mercy,

The mercy
of a woman

With obvious
wisdom and beauty.

Young man,

If you're trying
to prejudice the court,

You're talking
to the wrong judge.

All we care about here
are the facts.

Then forget
how desperate I am.

Go on, mr. Hopkins.

That's it, your honor.
It's an open and shut case.

Ah, you see, mr. Thomas,
it's your turn already.

Thank you, your honor.
Um, yes, well,
it was this way, your honor.

On the afternoon
of the 15th
at exactly 3:12,

That's p. M., Your honor,
um... I know, because I was
wearing my watch.

My mama had bought it for me.
And she saved up
for years to get it.

And it's waterproof,
you can even wear it
in the shower.

I don't mean you can wear it
in the shower,
I can wear it in the shower...

All right! Please!
Just tell the court what
happened.

Very well.

Uh, may I use
visual A*DS, your honor?

If you wish.

Uh, bailiff, would you
give me a hand?

Ok, your honor.

This is 2nd avenue.

And this is the alley
next to the soda shop.

Oh, and this is the corner
where big bad gary larson
used to hang out.

Remember when he stepped
on rerun?

And these are
the parked cars.

A plymouth, a valiant,
a mercury cougar,

This is a foreign car,
either a fiat or a toyota--

Mr. Thomas,

This is night court.
We're supposed to finish
before dawn.

Very well, in that case,
I'd like to call
my first witness,

Mr. Dwayne nelson,
to the stand.

He saw everything,
your honor.

Mr. Nelson, will you
take the stand?

Now you did see everything,
right, mr. Nelson?

Well, um...uh--

Of course he did.

Now he's just
a little nervous,
that's all.

Now, relax and tell
the judge in
your own words

The horrible incident
that was perpetrated
against me.

When was that?

Last wednesday.

Right, well,
I was standing outside--

In front
of the soda shop,

Remember you saw
mr. Hopkins speed
out of the alley,

In an act
of gross negligence--

Mr. Thomas, let the witness
tell what happened
in his own words.

Sorry, your honor.

Well, raj hit the car,
or the car hit raj.

There was a loud,
high-pitched scream.
And that was it. Bye.

Wait. Tell what happened.

Remember it was
a cadillac.

Right, whatever
you say, raj.

Are you and
this witness friends?

The best. Raj's a great guy.
He'd never crash into anybody.

Because if you are,
his testimony is suspect.
You are friends, aren't you?

We were.

You may step down,
mr. Nelson.

Your honor, may I call
a character witness?

That won't be necessary.
I think I understand
the facts.

You both agree mr. Hopkins
was coming out here,
onto the main thoroughfare.

While mr. Thomas was already
on that thoroughfare,
proceeding west. Correct?

That's right, your honor.

Well, then,
we don't need to
proceed any further.

The decision is obvious.

[Chuckles]

Thank you very much,
your honor.

In view of the facts
presented, and unless there is
other evidence,

This court would have to rule
in favor of mr. Hopkins.

Huh, what?

Mr. Thomas. You were riding
your bike against the flow
of traffic, which is ill*gal.

And since mr. Hopkins
came to a complete stop,
you are liable for damages

To mr. Hopkins' car.

Yeah, b-but see, I always--
when I come out of the
soda shop, I always come--

See, you don't understand.
If you'd taken my advice
to forgive and forget,

We both would've been
very happy.

But now you get to pay
for everything.

Oh, your honor,
I object.

Who are you?

Oh, my name's
shirley wilson.

Are you involved in
the affairs of mr. Thomas?

Affair? No, no, no.
We're just friends.

What can I do for you?

Well, I was thinkin',
you know, excuse me.

I think you're making
a serious mistake.

So for the interest
of justice,
can I bring dwayne nelson

Back to the stand?

If you feel it has
a bearing on the case.

Oh, I certainly do.

Your honor, I find this
totally objectionable!

You're no prize
yourself!

Isn't she out of order?

I'll be the judge
of that.

"I'll be the judge of that."
That's funny, your honor.

Dwayne nelson,
please take the stand.

Now, you said you heard
a high pitched scream.

Uh, did you scream?

No, I was too scared.

That figures.

Now, what did
the scream sound like?

Well, it was sort of
a high-pitched scream, like:

Ahhhhh, but only higher.

Ahhh! High?

I see.

Well, did it
sound like this.

[Screaming]

Was that it?

No, it was much higher.
It must have been that lady
that was in the car.

So, there was a lady
in the car, huh?

That will be all, nelson.
Uh, take a break, ok?

Uh, I call mr. Hopkins.

Mr. Hopkins,
take the stand.

Your honor?
You heard her.

Please take the stand.
And remember,
you're still under oath.

Yes, ma'am.

Mr. Hopkins,

Was there a lady
in the car with you?

Uh, do we have to
bring her into this?

Maybe, maybe not.

Listen, are you married?

Yes.

So, was the lady
in the car your wife?

Your honor,
do I have to answer
these questions?

Why not?
It could be fun.

Uh, no.
The lady in the car
was not my wife.

You sure do get around,
don't you, romeo?

[Gavel pounding]

No, we'll have none of that.

Now, it seems that
you were paying
more attention to the lady

Than to your driving.

Now, I find that
very interesting,
and so would your wife.

You know,
I just got a great idea.

I thought so.

Your honor,
uh, roger thomas is
a very industrious young man.

And considering
his performance
in court tonight,

And in view
of the new evidence
that was just introduced,

I am going to drop

The charges
against mr. Thomas.

And I am also gonna
buy him a brand new bike.

All right!

Order in the court!

Mr. Hopkins.

[Hopkins]
yes, ma'am.

We will note
your offer of payment
in the court records.

Case dismissed.

Ok!

Look here,
how did I do?

Well, frankly
I don't like this kind
of courtroom dramatics.

Mmm-hmm.

But between you and me,
I think you'd make
a heck of a lawyer.

Oh, I don't know about
that, but I make
a heck of a hamburger.

Shirley, can I get you
to sue hopkins
for my whiplash?

You don't have a case, rerun.

Really?

You don't even
have a neck.

If we can get
shirley's attention,

Maybe we can all get
something to eat.

What'll you have, raj?

Well, I'm pretty hungry,

Uh, maybe a hamburger
and a shake.

What about you, dwayne?

How about a cheeseburger
and a grape soda.

And what about you,
rerun?

I'll have the same.

The same? The same as me
or the same as dwayne?

Right.

But we can't order
until shirley comes over.

Yeah, I wonder
what she's doing?

Hey, shirley!
A little service,

Or I'll take
my business elsewhere.

Rerun, this place
would close down.

Shirley?

Would you hold it down?
I'm trying to study, ok?

What're you studying?

The law. See, ever since your
court case, I've been thinking
about going to law school.

Then you should
study psychiatry, too.

Why?

Because anybody who hires you
needs his head examined.