02x12 - The Testimonial

[bunniefuu]

[All chattering]

Here we go, again.

Another hour with
the wicked witch of watts.

And I think
she's in a bad mood
today.

Somebody ripped off
the tape deck
off of her broom.

Yesterday I served
my last day of detention.

I never want to stay
after school again.

Why'd she give you
a month's detention anyway?

Because I yelled "popsicle"
in the middle of class.

Well, why'd you
do that, rerun?

I heard
a bell ringin' somewhere,

And I thought it was
the good humor man.

Man, you're gonna have
to get on miss collins'
good side.

Yeah.
I got to do somethin'

That'll really
make her happy.

Hmm. You could
join the navy.

Good morning,
miss collins.

[Bell ringing]

All right, class.

Stop the talking
and open your books
to page 53. Roger!

Were you talking to me?

You're late for class.

But the bell just rang.

"Just rang"
is the point, roger.
You're late for class.

Now you're
the president of this class,

And you're supposed to set
a good example,

So you'd better have
a good reason.

I do.
I have-- I have
a great excuse.

I lost my voice.

But luckily,
my kid sister found it!

[Laughing]

[All laughing]

Obviously, you haven't
had time to think up
a good excuse.

I think a week of detention
will help
to clear your brain.

You're gonna give me
a week's detention

Just because I made
a dumb joke?

No, roger.

You get a week for the joke
and a week for being late.

That's 2 weeks' detention.

Now, I think we've
held up the class
long enough.

But, miss collins, i--

Would you
like to try for 3?

[Muttering]

[All laughing]

Three?

The class seems to think
you're very funny, roger.

Perhaps they'll stop laughing
when they see the questions

On this surprise quiz.

[All exclaiming]

Are you serious?

There's no reason
for her to give
a surprise quiz.

All right,
stop the mumbling,
stop the mumbling.

Thank you for
the surprise quiz,
miss collins.

Hey, what's with him?

Man, he's trying to be good.

He doesn't want
to go to detention anymore.

Yesterday he served
his last day
of a 2-year sentence.

Congratulations,
rerun!

Keep it down, raj.
I don't want to
get in trouble.

There will be
absolutely
no more talking.

Popsicl--

Frederick.

Hey, shirley.
Hey, shirley.

Hey, guys.

Why are you guys
so late?

Oh, miss collins
kept us after school again.

Yeah, she's drivin' me crazy.

I haven't seen
the mike douglas show
in 2 years.

Dwayne, you stayed
after school, too?

Uh-huh.
Well, what for?

Daylight savings time.

She blamed you for that?

No, it--it starts
to get dark about 4:30

And I didn't want
to walk home by myself.

Uh-huh.

All right,
what're you guys
gonna have?

Uh, I'll have
an orange soda.

Give me a chocolate shake.

Chocolate shake, ok.
Dwayne?

How's the meatloaf?

Oh, the meatloaf?
It's wonderful.

Mmm-hmm, it learned
2 new tricks today.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

See, it learned how
to sit down and then lie down.

But nobody can teach it
how to stay down.

I think I'll
have a grape soda.

Oh, you got it.
Thank you.

Miss collins
is ruining my senior year.

She's been ruining mine
for the past 3 years.

But what--what I can't
believe is that the p.t.a.

Is honoring her
for 25 years of teaching.

Wow! 25 Years
in one school?

That must be a record.

Hang in there, rerun,
you got a chance
at breakin' it.

Well, I know one thing.

I won't be at that
stupid p.t.a. Thing.

She'll probably
get a gold watch.

That way she'll
know exactly
how many hours

She kept you
after school.

You mean they're
gonna be giving her
presents and stuff?

Yeah.

Rerun, you just
gave me an idea.

Me? Thanks, raj.

Hey look, I gotta go.

Meet me at my house
after dinner.

Can't I come for dinner?

Dee, I'm leaving now

Or I'll be late for
miss clark's dinner party.

Ok, mama.

Look, I'll see
you kids later

And I'll be home early.

And dee, you listen
to roger tonight.

Remember,
he's your big brother!

I'd give every penny
I have to forget it.

So how is school, raj?

Couldn't be better, dee.

So you like detention hall.

What are you talkin' about?

My friend
sissy purdue's brother roy
is dating a girl

Whose cousin
is in your history class.

Need I say more?

So you know
I got detention,
so what?

If you play
your cards right,

You know what they say,

The buck stops here.

[Sighs]

There's a quarter.

I said $1.

Dee, I can't afford
to keep giving you money.

It's gonna break
poor mama's heart
when I tell her.

Poor mama.

All right.

Here.

Poor mama. Rich me.

[Knocking on door]

What's happenin'?

What's happenin'?
Hey, hey, hey.

All right, raj,
what's the big secret?

Here's how we're
finally going to get
even with miss collins.

What is he
talkin' about?

He's always comin' up
with some scheme.

You're gonna give
her a present?

We're gonna give her
this box.

What's in it?

Nothing.

Isn't that
a great idea?

Yeah, if you're
an empty box freak.

Wh-why do you want
to give miss collins
an empty box?

A gift is supposed
to show someone
what you think of them.

Oh, I get it!
And that's what
you think of her.

Not me, we!

Let's see.
It was the battle
of san juan hill,

And the man's name
was theodore roosevelt.

Very good.
Frederick, stand up.

What can you tell me about
the spanish-american w*r?

Nothing you don't
already know.

Frederick, how did the
spanish-american w*r end?

Like this:
"I surrender, y'all.

"Don't sh**t!"

That will be enough.
Sit down, frederick.

Now class,
we have just a minute left

And I want to use it
to thank you for your gift.

It was really
quite a surprise.

I know that
most of my students
think of me as a--

Well, kind of a tough,
mean, rotten old lady.

Well, let me tell you.

I am.

And I'll continue to be
just tough and as mean

As I have to be,
because you kids are worth it.

Can you understand that?

Of course you can,

Because you're
a very bright class

And I'm very proud of you.

[Bell ringing]

Roger,
may I see you a minute?

Roger, as moved as I was
by the gift itself,

I was doubly impressed
because I saw your
handwriting on the card.

You--you--you recognized
my handwriting?

Yes, and it takes
a very mature young man

To forgive
a cranky school teacher

For some hasty
and harsh punishment.

It's nothing.

You--you have
that rare insight

That makes it possible
for you to understand

Why I sometimes
have to be hard,

When all I want is for my kids
to make it out there.

Oh, look at you!

What?

I got it
in the wrong size.

What?

I'll take it right
back and get it in
the right size.

It's not what's in this box
that's important.

Believe me.
It's what's in the box
that's important.

No, roger,
it's the thought behind it.

Roger, I am so touched
by this gift,

That I'm not even going
to open it until tomorrow

In front of everyone.

Oh, no,
don't open it.

Hello, gertrude.

Hello, lewis.

Roger, this is my husband.

Lewis, I
to meet roger.

Pleased to meet you, roger.

My wife has spoken of you
quite often.

She thinks the world of you.

Yeah, uh, I think
the world of her, too.

Well,
ill see you later.

Ill just take this home
and keep it overnight
for safekeeping.

Roger, it'll be
perfectly safe here.
Goodnight.

Good night.

Good night.
Nice meeting you.

Good night.
Nice meeting you.

Good night.

Good night.

Sleep tight.

Don't let
the bed bugs bite.

That's quite a lad!

Well dear,
you ready to go?

Yes.

You know,
it might not be a bad idea

To take this box home.

Uh, lewis, would you
put it in the car?

It's from roger
and the class.

I was never so
surprised in my life.

I walked in
and there's this box sitting
right on the desk.

First time in 25 years...
That's very nice.

I feel so terrible
after doing that
to miss collins.

We really blew it.

You sure did, raj.

Yeah. I don't know
what got into you, brother.

She's really
a nice lady.

Now, wait a minute.
We're all in this together.

Aren't we?

I mean, you remember us,
the three musketeers.

All for one and one for all.

Remember?

Hi, guys.
Hi, rerun.

So what's going down,

Other than your chances
of ever graduating?

[Laughing]

Knock it off,
shirley.

Phew! Sorry.

All right,
what are you
going to have?

How about some poison?

Oh, you decided on
the meatloaf, huh?

[Crickets chirping]

[Dog barking]

[Exclaims]

Dwayne,
is that you?

Who wants to know?

[Sighs]

It's me, raj.

Raj who?

Dwayne!

[Sighs]

Raj, why didn't you
tell me it was you!

Never mind that.
What are you doing here?

I guess the same thing
that you're doing here.

Did you get miss collins
somethin' good?

Uh, I don't know.

It was the last minute.
I hope she likes it.

What is it?

It's a book.

"Great restaurants
of free balkan countries."

Huh?

Yeah, it's a good book,
filled with pictures.

It'll come in handy
if she's ever in yugoslavia.

Besides, it's the only book
I could afford.

Are you really gonna
give that to her?

Yeah, do you have
a better idea?

Yeah, I got something
miss collins is gonna love.

Oh, yeah?
What is it?

Hold on,
I'll let you see it.

Well,
what do you think?

A linoleum frog?

Isn't he cute?

Dwayne,
that's the ugliest thing
I've ever seen in my life.

It is not ugly.

And besides,
it's very useful.

See, she can put
flowers in the mouth

And candles out
of the eyes.

Look out!

Is anybody here?

[In a deep voice]
who goes there?

Oh, hi, raj.
It's me, rerun.

Rerun who?
Ssh!

Hey, how did you get in?

What do you mean,
how did I get in?

The same way you guys got in.

Who are you kidding, rerun?
The only way in

Is through the high window
at the back of the school.

You couldn't have
climbed all the way up there.

I didn't have to
climb up to that.

I stood on a big garbage can.

Well, it's
a little wastebasket now.

[Laughing]

Shh.

What are you guys
doin' here?

The same thing
you're doin' here.

Yeah, what did you
get miss collins?

An autographed
picture of lou rawls.

[Laughing]
hey, let me see it.

"To miss collins,
a really neat lady.

Best wishes, lou rawls."

You autographed
this yourself,
didn't you, rerun?

Yeah. How'd you know?

"P.s. Please
don't flunk rerun."

Well, which one
is it going to be,
fellas?

I vote on the frog.

Let's give her
everything.

Ok.

Hey, the box is gone!

Oh, man! Somebody
stole the box.

Wait a minute.

Miss collins probably
took the box home with her.

You mean,
we broke in this school

In the middle of the night
for nothin'?

When she opens
that box and finds nothin',

We're gonna get life.

Or worse.

[Door opens]

Somebody's
out there.

Oh, man, raj,
what do we do?

Run!

Run?

Wait.

Dwayne,
where are you goin'?

I forgot my frog.
Will you come on!

[Bell ringing]

All right, class,
open your textbooks
to page 67.

Now if you remember,
yesterday we were
talking about... Roger!

Miss collins,
I know I'm late,

But I promise you
it's the last time.

It's perfectly
all right, roger.

I was taking
my books out of
my locker, when--

Roger, it's all right.

I'm sure you have
a very good reason
for being late.

As a matter of fact,

I was very hard on you
the other day and very unfair.

I'm going to lift
your detention.

Thank you, miss collins.

How 'bout
lifting my detention,
miss collins?

Frederick, only the governor
has that power.

[All laughing]

Dee, is your brother
coming down?

He's going to be late
for that testimonial.

I don't know, mama.

I heard him tell you
2 minutes ago,

He'd be down in a minute.
Hmm.

[Raj]
comin', mama!

There he goes,
lying to you again.

I wouldn't blame you
if you punished him
for a month.

And a good shot with his belt
wouldn't hurt him, either.

Dee.

Yeah?

Shut up.

Hey, mama, maybe
it's not such a good
idea if I go tonight.

Why?

Um, uh...

Aren't you
feeling well?

That's good.

I feel terrible.

Where do you hurt?
Are you in pain?

Pain?

Yeah, raj,
where's the pain?

On the couch.

You aren't really sick,
are you, roger?

No, mama.

Then why do you
want to stay home?

[Sighing]
I did a terrible thing
to miss collins.

All right.
What did you do?

You remember that
gift box I had here
a couple of days ago?

Yes, what about it?

I gave it to miss collins
in honor of her testimonial.

So what's wrong with that?

[Mumbling]
the box was empty.

What?

The box was empty.
It was a joke.

A joke?

You're a real riot, raj.

So now, she's going
to open it up

In front of the parents and--
and--and the faculty tonight.

What am I going to do?

Are rerun and dwayne
in on this, too?

Mmm-hmm.

I'm surprised at
you and dwayne,

But from rerun, I might
have expected it.

You gotta be suspicious
of anybody

Who carries a picture
of sara lee in their wallet.

Dee, will you be quiet?

So, you see, now you know
why I don't want to go.

Roger, what you did
was cruel and thoughtless.

Let me tell you
somethin'--

Go easy on him, mama.

What raj did wasn't cruel
or thoughtless.

It was just dumb.

This is true.

Thanks a lot.

Feel better now?

Much.

Well, roger,
when I get home
from work,

I hope you'll have
all this straightened out.

Ok, mama.
See you later.

Yes, darlin'.

I just saw mrs. Collins
and her husband

Come out of
the principals' office.

Did you tell her?

I couldn't. There were
too many people around.

Oh man, what're we
going to do, raj?
Come on, think.

I got it, I got it!

What is it?

Uh, we'll watch her
open the box

And then we'll--we'll look
at her eyes,

And as soon as we know
that she sees there's
nothin' in the box,

We jump up and say,

"What is it?
Uh, what happened?
Who stole the bracelet?"

Bracelet!
All right!

[Raj]
hey, we got it.

What bracelet, raj?

Make believe, rerun.

Oh, yeah.
I got it. I got it.

[All cheering]

Get ready, dwayne.

I'm ready.
You ready, rerun?

Ready, dwayne.
Ready, raj?

Ready, rerun.
You ready, dwayne?

We're all ready,
already.

Thank you, parents,
members of the faculty
and students.

Where is it?
What happened?

But I was ready, raj.

Well, this has been
quite a day for me.

And frankly, I'm dying
to see what's in here.

All right, here we go.

Oh, I don't know.

All right. Here.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh!

Who put that
junk in there?

Thank you!
It's so beautiful!

Thank you all so much.

And, roger,
as president of the class,
again thanks.

Don't mention it.

[All chattering]

That's a beautiful
vase, fellas.

Well, it's, uh,
thanks a lot, mr. Collins,

It was really nothing.

What do you mean nothing?
It cost me $60.

You--you picked the vase?

Well, it wasn't
the vase fairy.

How did you know
the box was empty?

Your mother called me
just before we left the house,

And I was able to run down
and pick up the vase

Without gertrude
finding out.

Sorry, mr. Collins.

I mean, it--it was
a terrible mistake.

We snuck in here last night
to put some real gifts in it.
Didn't we?

You do believe us,
don't you?

Yeah, do you want proof?
Just look outside,

And you'll see
a little wastebasket

That used to be
a big garbage can.

Really, you gotta
believe us, mr. Collins,
that's the truth.

I even bought her
this--this--this
linoleum frog.

You want it? Here.
No, thanks.

Well, you--you believe us,
don't you?

Yes, I do, fellas.

[Sighs]

I wish there was some way
we could pay you back.

There is. Pay me back.

Huh?

Well, let's see now.
It cost me $60.

Now we'll be even
if each of you gives me

$1 A week
until you graduate.

Till I graduate!

That could run
into the thousands!

That a deal?

Fair enough.

[Miss collins]
oh, this is just beautiful.

Thank you,
thank you.

It sounds like mr. Collins
is a nice man.

Yeah, but you really
saved our lives, mama.

I hope from now on,

You'll be a little more
thoughtful for other people.

Good night, mama.

Good night, baby.

Good night,
thoughtless.

Uh, hold it,
young lady.

You happen to have
a wonderful brother.

He made a mistake
and he tried to correct it.

Now get over there
and kiss him good night.

[Both]
what?

You heard me.

Kiss your brother
good night.

Maybe--maybe
if you tried to act

Like you loved one other,

You'd feel
like you loved one other.

Now kiss
each other good night.

Well?

Good night, raj.

Good night, dee.

Now that wasn't
painful at all, was it?

Roger?

No, mama.

Now that wasn't painful,
was it, dee?

Well, it's a little in between
athlete's feet...

And diaper rash.