03x06 - The Landlady

[bunniefuu]

Hey, dwayne.

Rerun.

Yeah, what's happening?

Well, is the strike over?

No, those cameramen voted
to stay out on strike.

And all us pages voted
not to cross the picket line.

Well, good for you, rerun.
Now, what can I get you?

Well, how's the chili, shirl'?

Very happy.
Yeah, it's just runnin'
all around the kitchen.

I'm not in the mood
for jokes, shirley.

How much is it?

25 Cents.

I'll have a large roll.

Large roll, huh?

Mmm-hmm.

Look, uh, rerun,
I don't try and tell people
how to live, you know.

But I don't mind telling you.
That's a bad way to die.

Have somethin' else, rerun.

I can't. All I have
is 25 cents.

That dumb strike
has been goin' on
for 5 weeks now.

And I'm broke
and I'm sick of it.

I'm mad as hell
and I'm not gonna take it
anymore!

Rerun, control yourself.

I can't control myself.

[Sighing]
i-i'm too hungry.

I'm too weak.

[Groaning]

I'm starving.

What are you gonna do?

Faint.

2 Hamburgers, shirley.
My treat, rerun.

Ok, 2 hamburgers
comin' up.

Thanks, dwayne.

You should get somethin'
for yourself too, buddy.

That's the last meal
I'll have today.

Raj, we're practically
out of food at home.

Rerun, we're practically
out of home, too.

And if we don't start
bringing us some money,

Mrs. Watson's gonna throw us
out of our apartment.

[Sighing]

[Barking]
raj. Raj.

What?

Raj, I thought you paid
mrs. Watson for the rent
this month.

Rerun, we didn't pay her
the rent this month,

And we don't have the money
for next month.

And if we
don't be careful,

She's gonna throw us
out on the street.

Does that mean
you might've to move back
into the house?

I might have to.

In that case, I'll loan you
the money for the rent.

[Rerun]
hey!

Thanks, dee.

At 10% interest.

What are you cooking?

Well, just a second, raj.
It needs a little ketchup.

[Singing]
a little ketchup.

[Bubbling]

Right on.

And a pinch of salt.

Pinch of salt.

There we go.

A pinch of salt.

And a sprinkle of pepper.

Just a teeny sprinkle.
Right on.
Of course.

Perfect.

What is it?

Ketchup,
salt and pepper soup.

Yuck!

Throw it out.

[Knock on door]

I'll get it.

Right on.

[Exclaiming]

How's it goin', stretch?

Hey, det. Barnett.

Yo, short stuff.

Hey, how's it goin', big earl?

Mmm. Are you guys
makin' somethin'
with ketchup?

Yep.

What?

Ketchup, salt and pepper soup.

Yuck!

Throw it out.

Uh, fellas, listen.
I'm on a spot

And I was wondering
if you could help me out.

I have to get across town
right away.

I was wonderin' if you'd mind
watchin' little earl for me.

Hey, no problem.

You mean police business,
big earl?

Yeah. We were
just gettin' ready to go
to the ballgame,

When I got the call.

Sometimes I really hate crime.

Yeah, son. That's why
we've got to fight it
with everything we have.

And that's why
I have to get over to
the vinewood supermarket.

I've been after this guy
for a year

And a s.w.a.t. Team
has him trapped over there.

Oh, wow, that is important.

But maybe you'll have time
and take little earl
to the ballgame afterwards.

Mmm, I don't think so.
You see, this fella's armed

And, uh, he could hold out
in the supermarket forever.

I mean there's
plenty of food there.

He could eat
the canned vegetables
for years.

That's right.

The frozen meats
for a year.

Oh, yeah.

The pastry for months.

Sure.

And the ice cream for days.

Right on!

But we'll get him.

No, leave him alone.

He hasn't' even got
to the twinkies.

Later. Be good,
little earl.

Bye, dad.

Ok. Bye.

Well now, little earl.

Have a seat, my friend.
Hey, you wanna watch t.v.?

Sure.

[g*nshots on t.v.]

How's your sister, raj?

She's fine.

Does she ever ask for me?

Yeah, every now and then.

Give her my love, will ya?
I'm nuts about the kid.

[Rerun]
little earl!

What?

That candy bar
is bad for your teeth, man.

And as long as
we're in charge of you,
I can't let you have it.

Now give it to me
and I'll throw it away.
Give it here.

Rerun, this is my candy.

Teeth.

Give it up.

Give it, give it,
give it.

Hey.

Man, I'm surprised at you.

Thanks, rerun.
My teeth feel better already.

[Knock on door]

[Chewing]
I'll get it.

Oh, hi, mrs. Watson.

Hi.

Oh, uh, mrs. Watson,
if you've come about
the rent...

Well, first of all,
I thought you might enjoy
some finger sandwiches.

Oh, finger sandwiches.
How nice.

Mmm-hmm.

I'll just take a thumb.

Roger, I would like
to talk to you about the rent.

Rent? Rent? Rent?

Uh, little earl,
well, I just got
a great idea, man.

Why don't we go upstairs
and watch t.v.
In your apartment?

I'm sure
you'd be more comfortable.

No, I wouldn't.

Yes, you would.

Pardon me.

Rerun.

For the child, raj.

Hmm-hmm, right. Sure.

Hmm-mmm.

Boy, oh boy,
I'll take this for you.

Uh, have a seat,
mrs. Watson.

[Chuckling]
thank you.

You know, I'm really sorry
about the rent.

I know it's late,

[Sighing]
but I really don't know
what to say.

You don't have to say
anything.

I totally understand
the situation

And i--i don't want you
to worry about it.

When the strike is over,
rerun will have the money,
and you can pay me then.

Mrs. Watson, uh...

May.

Huh?

May.

[Chuckling]
that's my first name.

Please call me may. Ok?

May ok.

I mean, uh, ok, may.

Ok.

May ok.

Right.

Uh, um, um, may, you know,
you do know the strike
may go on and on,

You know and, uh,

Rerun, uh, refuses
to cross the picket line.

My, what a fine young man.

My late husband ralph
was like that.

He was a very strong
union man.

Oh.

How long has be been...

My husband's been dead
3 years, roger.

He was a newspaper man.

Oh. Oh, really? You know,
I work for a newspaper
part time.

Yes, roger, I know.
You told me.

You know, you remind me
of him an awful lot?

Really?

Yes.
You have the same energy,
the charm.

You know,
you even look like him.

[Chuckling]

Thank you,
that's nice of you.

Except for the eyeglasses.

Oh, well, they're only
for seeing, yeah.

Well, they're very becoming.

Oh.

[Both chuckling]

Thank you.
That's very nice.

It's just a fact.

Oh, then it's nice of me.

Oh, uh, roger, I have a...

I have a gift for you.

A present for me?

Yes.

Oh, a pipe.

[Mrs. Watson chuckling]

Yeah.

It was for him.

I never got a chance
to give it to him.

Oh, well, uh...

I--i really can't accept this.

Oh, nonsense.

You're the perfect person
to have it.

Please, take it
and enjoy it, hmm?

I really don't know
what to say.

You're so nice.

That's exactly what to say.

[Door opening]

[Coughing]

Well, I really must be going.
Um, I'll see you soon.

Perhaps we'll have a chance
to talk even more, dear, hmm?

Yeah. And even more even.

Yes.

Ok. You take care.

All right now. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

What a nice lady.

She seemed
to like you, too,

"Dear."

D'you mind if I ask you
one question?

What?

Do we still
have to pay the rent?

[Woman chattering]

Hey, shirley,
how about another round
of hamburgers?

With a generous coating
of pickles and onions.

Comin' right up,
mr. Rockefeller.

Hey, rerun, thanks man.

This is a real celebration.

Well, why not, dwayne?

The strike is over.
I'm back in the money.

And I have no more
rent worries.

Hey, that's great.
And that should make
your landlady happy.

And I bet raj is happy too.

Oh, yeah. They both
are very happy.

Hmm.

Raj has been spendin'
a lot of time
with mrs. Watson lately.

Is that where
he's been all week?

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, well, maybe
she's just helpin' him

Study property management
and taxes and all that stuff.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Hi, guys.

Hey, how's it goin', dee?

Hi, dee.

Dee, what's the matter?

I'm worried about raj.
He's been acting weird lately.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

Well, my friends,
you notice anything different?

Oh, yeah, raj,

You look like
you mugged a mannequin.

No. Try again.

You mean the new fancy pipe?

No, no, no, no.
Try again.

Raj?

Hmm?

You're getting on my nerves.

It's so obvious.

I'm growing a beard.

Well, you must have
a mouthful of hair

Because it's not growin' out.

Wait a minute, raj.

Hmm?

Oh, man, I think
I feel somethin'.

Yeah, it's startin'
to grow out

Right in front
of your ear, man.

Uh-huh.

That's gonna be a nice one
right there.

Thank you, dwayne.

Oh, yeah, raj.
Hmm?

And that's gonna be
a nice one right there, too.

Thank you, rerun.

Well, it's something
I promised myself
I'd do someday.

Hey, dwayne,

Uh, how are you doing
in your studies?

Oh, not bad, raj.

I think I'm doing
a little better this year.

Ah, jolly good.

[Raj]
I'm proud of you.

Roger?

Roger?

Hello, delores.

Roger, you look so different.

It's probably the beard.

I bet you guessed it
right away.

It's growin' out
from right there.

I don't know what it is,

But, raj, you're looking
real good these days.

I bet I'm gonna have
to watch out for you.

Thanks for dropping
by the table, delores.

Nice to see you again
and stay well.

I'll be around.

"Nice to see you, delores."

"Nice to see you, delores?"

She likes you, raj.

She was practically
throwing herself
at your feet.

I don't blame her.

Thank you, dee.

That's the only part of you
that doesn't look silly.

She's really
goin' for you, raj.

This is it.

Now's the time
to strike, raj.

You know you've always
been crazy about delores.

Rerun?

Yeah?

Delores is sweet,

She's kind, nice.

She's a kid.

But she's a year older
than me.

Exactly.

All right,
here's your burgers.

You see, dwayne,

What I'm trying to say is
delores hasn't lived.

See, in order for a woman
to be fascinating--

Who wants
the ketchup here?

Excuse me.
Am I in your way?

No, you're not, baby.

She has to, uh,
she has to travel.
Don't you see?

You want
some relish here?

Has seen the sidewalks
of paris. Excuse me.

Hmm.

The fountains of rome.

Mmm.

Travel is
a very important part of life.

Yeah, I know
what you mean, raj.

You do?

Oh, yeah.
I've traveled.

You see, I have seen anaheim
in the fall, you see?

[Raj]
hmm.

And el segundo
in the spring.

Yeah.

There's only one more thing
I wanna see.

Yeah? And what's that?

Um, I wanna see...
Excuse me.

Hmm?

I wanna see you
over at the counter.

[Laughing]

Alone.

Now!

Now, roger!

[Sighing]

I'll humor her.

Older women
have always had a crush
on me.

[Exclaiming]

[Mumbling]
what can I do for you,
my dear?

What?

What can I do for you,
my dear?

Look, if you keep
calling me dear,

I'm gonna shove an antler
up your nose.

But--but listen, that's what
I wanna talk about. Listen.

See now, i--i...

You know I consider you
a smart fellow. You know?

Ain't--ain't he smart?

He's real smart.
Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.

One of my best friends.
I mean, in fact,
you the best friend I got.

Oh, thank you, shirley.

So, you know, I'm just gonna
tell it to you straight out,

'Cause I know
you've the intelligence
to understand.

Oh, of course.
What is it?

Mmm-hmm.
You're acting like a fool.

Shirley,
what are you talk...

I don't know.
What are you sayin'?

Now, now, just--just a minute.
Let me tell you one thing.

See now, I think
you got some kind of crush
on this little landlady.

Now wait a minute.
It's not just a crush.
It's not just--

You keep interruptin' me,
I'm gonna crush you.

Now see now, before you go
off the deep end,

You know,
people do get hurt, raj,

And I think
you should consider,
you know,

Whether this, uh,
old lady...

What she about, 35, 36?
Something like that?

35.

Have you seen that lady?
She's about 38, ain't she?

I think she about...
What?

About 40, huh?
She gotta be 40.

Anyway, this old lady...

See, I think
you should consider
whether this old lady

Is seriously in love
with this 19-year-old.

How did you know about...
I didn't tell you anything
about this.

Now, see, nobody
had to tell anybody
anything.

You see, it's written
all over your face.
Look here.

Ain't it written
all over his face?

All over his face,
isn't it?

Now, take my advice
and go erase yourself.

Now, shirley,
just let me explain.

You see,
you don't understand
the whole story.

No, no. See,
this conversation is over.

I have used up my niceness.

You know somethin'?
You're nosey.

I was talking to him
and you're all...

Come on, dwayne. Finish
what you're readin' fast,
we gotta go.

It's a love quiz, rerun.

It's called
"what kind of lover are you?"

Oh, yeah,
raj bought that home.

Yeah.

Well, did you find out
what type of lover you are?

I don't know, man,
this is pretty tough.
Come here, listen.

"If I meet a beautiful woman
at a c*ck party..."

Mmm.

"And she invites me
up to her apartment

"And then says,

"'Excuse me
while I get into something
a little more comfortable.'

"And she leaves
and returns wearing
a very revealing negligee.

"Should I tell her that
the negligee
does something for her,

Or that she does something
for the negligee?"

Neither.

Tell her she got the wrong guy

And to call rerun delight.
I deliver.

Hey, come on,
you guys promised
to clear out of here, now.

Oh yeah, that's right.
Tonight's a big night
isn't it, raj?

Hey, you said it, dwayne.

Dwayne,
when a man meets a woman
who's right for him,

It can be
a magical experience.

And tonight is it.

"It"? Wow!

"It." "Tonight is it."

Hey, come on, dwayne.
Get off the couch.

I had those pillows
all fluffed perfectly.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, c'mon, dwayne.
We gotta go.

Raj wants to be alone
with mrs. Watson.

Hey, raj.

Can I stay
if I just sit back there
and pretend that I'm readin'?

No, dwayne.

We better go, dwayne.

I heard mrs. Watson tell raj

That this would be
a night to remember.

Did she say that, raj?

Oh, she went a step further.

Further than that? Wow!

She said she's gonna
have a big surprise for me.

Oh man, she's crazy
about you.

Hey, don't I know it,
dwayne?

Haven't I been trying
to convince everybody of that?

I happen to have it.

You have "it"!

He has "it"!

Raj, can't we stay at least
until she gets here?

I bet she's gonna be dressed
like a million bucks.

I'd like to see her
when she's dressed up.

Mmm, hmm.

Ok, look. If you promise
to leave the second
she walks in the door.

You got it.

Hear that, raj?
You got "it".

[Chuckling]

Dwayne, dwayne, dwayne.

Hey, look.
Help me straighten up
around here, ok?

And I'll see
if the wine is chilled.

[Knock on door]

[Mrs. Watson]
yoo-hoo, roger? Yoo-hoo.

Ooh. That's the "yoo"
of you know who-who.

Oh!

Boy, you look so wonderful.

Yeah.

[Chuckling]
thank you.

Get your jacket, dear.
We're taking you
to your surprise.

Ok.

Did you... "We're"?

John and i. Come in, john.

Hello.

And you must be roger.

Huh?

You're not roger?

Uh-uh.

Please forgive me.

Mrs. Watson said
that roger was a cute
young fellow.

You must be roger.

Yes. Cute, young roger.

John got an extra ticket
to the ballet tonight
for you, roger.

That's the surprise.

That's the surprise?

Yes. He and I go every week

And I asked him
to get an extra ticket
for you.

I told him
how mature you are
for your age

And we thought
you'd love the ballet.

3 Seats on the aisle.
My treat.

Isn't he wonderful?

[Both chuckling]

Well, we shouldn't be late,

Certainly not
at $10 a piece.

That's right.

We shouldn't be late,
not at $10 a piece.

Boy, ballet on the aisle.

Man, well, that's
the only place to see it,
except for the stage.

[Raj laughing]

Oh, what a
pleasant surprise...

I mean, I love ballet.

I mean, I think those tutus
are just too-too.

Whoo!

Oh, my good...
Did you ever see, uh,
nureyev in swan lake?

[John]
uh, why yes.

He almost drowned.

Poor raj.

♪[music playing on t.v.]

♪[Humming]

Hey, raj.

Now look, if you guys
stayed up to tell me
how stupid I am,

You can go to bed
because I already told me.

No, no, raj.

We just stayed up
to tell you
how terrific you are.

Dwayne?

Yeah, raj.

I mean, when you realized
that miss watson
was just being nice to you

Because she thought
you were a nice kid

And that you reminded her
of her dead husband,

You--you never showed
disappointment.

I meant,
you kept your cool, man,

You never showed it
on your face.

Yeah, you told
2 or 3 stupid jokes

And acted like a fool,
like usual,

And acted like a clown
instead of
a broken-hearted--

You guys figured it
all out, huh?

Yeah, but I
was fooled too, raj.

I really did think
she had a crush on you.

Hey, let's send her
hate mail.

Dwayne.

That is nice of you guys,
sticking by me like that,

But she really didn't do
anything wrong.

She just liked me a lot,
that's all.

And I built all the rest of it
up in my mind.

Tell me, raj.

Were you really in love?

I mean,
really in love?

Really in love?

[Rerun]
mmm-hmm.

I don't know.
I mean, who knows
what "in love" means?

Dwight spencer.

Who?

Dwight spencer.

Who is dwight spencer?

He's the guy that got a 100
on the love quiz.

Hey, let me check
this out, dwayne.

Oh, yeah,
that's interesting.

Mmm-hmm.

Stop that.