03x21 - Dwayne's Debate

[bunniefuu]

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey.

Shirley, what's new
on the menu?

Well, let me
tell you what's new.

Let's see, here.

Oh, that's a greasy spot
over here.

And a little ketchup here.
I can just wipe that off, see?

And, um, then somebody
put a coffee ring here.

And this one's new,
I don't know.

Yes, uh, yeah.

How'd you like that?
Here--here, baby.

Oh, i-i'll have a burger,
well done.

Ok.

Make it 2.

2.

You got any
chicken catchatori?

Who?

Make it 3.

Oh, wow.
Oh, what?

Oh, wow.

It's so immature.
They're only a couple
of high-school girls

Just relax.
Be cool.
It's nothing.

Whoo!
Hi.

No, it's not
nothing.

It's something
too great something.

You're dwayne nelson,
right?

Well, wait, how'd you
know my name?

Everybody knows you,
dwayne.

You're very popular.

Your dad's
a city councilman,

You're on
the basketball team.

And you're cute.

So that's how you know me.

Is it ok
if we join you?

I'll get you
a couple of chairs.

Oh, here,
take my seat.

Wait, you can both
sit in my chair.
Here you go.

Ladies!
Your chairs.

I'm lisa.

This is cindy.

Hi.
Hi.

[All]
hi.

[Laughing]

Hi, hi, hi,
all around.

What are you all
gonna have to eat?

Oh, 2 sodas
for the ladies.

[Mumbling]
um, listen, are you
gonna pay for this?

[Mumbling]
are you kidding?

Am I kiddin'?

You see,
when I come back
I want cash.

Ok.

I hear you talkin'.

All right.

Dwayne, do you know
henry wilson?

Yeah, he's in my homeroom.
He's the funny-looking guy.

The one who looks
like leon spinks. Except
he had his teeth fixed.

Now, he looks like leon spinks
with a tooth job.

He's my brother.

Oh, I love his teeth.

He's such a cute guy.

He was running
for student body president.

Was?

He dropped out.

Too many dental appointments.

Oh, that's too bad.

Now we're stuck
with nobody to support.

Yeah.

Here's the plan.

Dwayne, you're popular.
And people like you.

Yeah.

That's why
you'd be perfect

To run for
student body president.

Oh, hey, ladies,
that sounds great,

But I don't know anything
about bein' a president.

Hey, look here,
neither does jimmy carter,

But you don't see that
spoilin' his day, do you?

It's still dirty.
Wash it again.

Hey, come on, snake,
hurry up. Eat faster.

We gotta clean up
this place now.

Hey, raj,

You invite me up for dinner,

Then you start
hustlin' me out.

What's the deal, man?

Snake, I don't have time
to argue with you.

Dwayne and his father
are coming over.

We gotta make an impression
for dwayne's sake, ok?
All right.

Now put the ball
down there.

Ok. This meal
was really great, man.

It really beats eatin'
at the soda shop.

Goin' to the electric chair
beats eatin' at the soda shop.

That's right.

Hey, dee,
it was nice of you
to help me clean the dishes.

Well, it was nice of you
to invite me to dinner.

Hey, it's my pleasure.

And this is
my business.

[Knocking]
oh.

Oh, that's... Hurry.
You get that...
Hey, I'll get it.

Grab these dishes.
Refrigerator.

Hey, how you doin',
mr. Nelson?
How are you?

I'm all right.

Hi, dee.
How you doin'?

How you doin',
raj?

Wow.

Yeah, dwayne was right.
This is a pretty nice place.

Thank you.

It's good to see
a young man strike out
on his own.

Well, as long as he's not
an l.a. Dodger, you see.

[Laughing]

Boy, that's a good one, dad.

[Scoffs]

Thank you, son.

[Laughing]

No, this really
is a lovely place.

Why, thank you. It's, uh,
a little small, but...

Yeah. We're thinking
of knocking out that wall

And putting in
a real apartment.

[Chuckles]

Hey, raj,
you sure you don't mind
showin' him around?

No, I'll give you
a grand tour.

All right.

Ok, this is
the kitchen-dining room.

This is
the dining room-living room.

This is
the living room-guest room.
Look at it.

And this
is the guest room-den,

The sitting room.

All right.

[Panting]

And what is this?

That's
the laundry room.

[Laughing]

We did the place up
in early american.

Right, but they were
only able to go
as far back

As the depression.

Oh.

So, dad,
what do you think?

Well, son, I think if you
keep up what you're doing
at school,

Uh, someday
you might end up
with a place like this.

Sounds like a threat.

[Chuckling]

Hey, mr. Nelson,
won't you have a seat?

Well, thank you. Dwayne
tells me that you're
pretty busy at college.

Yeah, it's a lot tougher
than I thought it'd be.

Well, you're the kind
of young man I know
who'll stick it out.

And it'll prove out
in the end.
Remember that.

Thank you, sir.

Snake, tell me
about your new job.

Great. I'm in line
for a promotion.

A promotion already?
That's marvelous.

Talk about promotion,

Dwayne has a shot
at bein' president
of jefferson high.

Son, you didn't tell me
you were running
in the school election.

Uh, yeah, see,
some girls asked me
if I'd run, but...

That's marvelous.
I'm proud of you, son.

But, dad, you're not...
See, you don't understand.
I'm not really sure--

I don't want to
sound sentimental,

But this kinda thing
kinda gives a father
a lump in his throat.

Now, look,
I'll tell you what,

If you need any help
with your campaign,
you just ask. Ok?

Sure, dad.
What'd your mother say?

I didn't mention it.

Well, I got a great idea.

Why don't we surprise her
over dinner tonight,

And we'll tell her
the news. All right?
Ok. But...

Gentlemen, thank you
for the tour.

I love your
kitchen-living room,
dining room.

I love it all.
And I especially like
your laundry room.

Thank you.

[Both chattering]

Uh, I got
a big mouth, huh?

Mmm.

[Lisa]
hi, dwayne.

Dwayne,
I'm voting for you.

So am i.

Come on,
you're our man.

What's the matter
with you?

Nothin'. Why?

You look like rerun did
when the refrigerator door
wouldn't open.

That bad?

Worse.

Man, I really blew it.

I mean, I should have
told my dad

That I didn't wanna run
for president.

But I didn't wanna
disappoint him.

I understand
how you feel, dwayne.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Yeah, you're excused.

Uh, no, excuse me.

What is it? Don't you see
I'm countin' this?

What you want
with me?

I'm lester williams.

So? I mean, I don't
applaud a lot.

So what do you want?

I'm looking
for dwayne nelson.

Yeah. Uh, that's him
over there.

The weird-lookin' one.
Over there.
Look over there.

Well, I thank you
very much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you dwayne nelson?

Yeah.

How do you do?

Would you please
step over here?

Yeah.

I'm your worthy opponent,
lester williams.

Oh, hi.

You know, it's strange.
After 4 years of high school,
we've never met.

Not strange at all.

I've been in the advanced,
accelerated, highly-motivated
honors program.

And you've been
in the "oh, lord,
just let me pass" group.

Right on.

Look, nelson,
my own pre-election poll

Tells me that,
based on your popularity,

You might win.

Uh, now you've
never been involved
with school politics before.

Surely you can't
really want to serve.

Well, to tell you the truth,
I don't.

And I'd love to back out
of this election.

But you can't.
You gave your father
your word.

He's running.

Yeah, I've already
made my decision.

All right then.

I have no major recourse
but to challenge you
to a public w*r of words

Which will commence
with all due haste
and expediency.

Hey, all right, ok.

What did he say?

He's challenging you
to a debate.
And dwayne accepts.

I do?

[Shirley]
he does.

I do?
Didn't I just say that?

Oh, I do.

You can
change your mind,
you know.

No, I can't
and I won't.

Oh, life can be
so hateful sometimes.

Ok, ok,
now this is enough of this.

Listen, baby, we don't let
space people in here
after 6:00, so you can...

I haven't seen a guy
that boring since john boy.

[Shirley]
yeah.

[Sighs]

Uh, I don't know
if I can go through
with this.

Shape up, dwayne.

Can't you see that guy
was scared of you?

He was?

Oh, sure. See, all you need
is a few pointers on debating,

And in no time at all,
you'll be takin' on that
williams character.

But I don't know
the first thing
about debate.

Come here, let me
tell you something.

See, debating is
just like
playing basketball.

Yeah?
Yeah. You play one-on-one.

Say he tosses you
a question,

You grab that sucker
and you toss it
right back to him, uh-huh.

And then you let him
take his best shot.

But dwayne is at him,
smack that ball,

And then--then you just
take your best shot.

Wait, wait.
I think I got it. Let's see.
I fake left,

Uh-huh.
And then I fake right.

Mmm-hmm.
And then I do
my back dribble.

And then I give him a hit.
Ooh, can I get another.

And then I
give him another,

And take him
across court.

Put it between my legs,
fake left, right, go down.

Drive to the basket, spin,

And give him my
dr. J. Super-duper
double slam-dunk.

I'm ready.

Go ahead,

sh**t me a question.
sh**t.

Are you ready
for this question?
I'm ready.

Ok. Now let's see.

What is your position
on student-faculty
relationships?

Time out.

[Inaudible]

Dwayne.

Huh?

Look, I don't mind
helping you, but you
gotta pay attention.

Oh, sorry.

All right.

Now, in the opening remarks
of the debate,

It's important to plan
what you're gonna say
ahead of time.

Ok.

sh**t.

[Clearing throat]

Ok.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Go, dwayne, go.

All right.

[Chuckling]

Thank you,
and good night.

That's it?

Well, yeah, raj.
That's all
I had time to plan.

Oh, dwayne. Come on.

[Knocking on door]
I'll get it.

Hey, little earl.
Hi, big earl.

[Both]
hey, dwayne.

What do you say, raj?

[Raj]
hi, big earl.

[Inaudible]

Hi, sweetcakes.

Hello, little earl.

Well, det. Barnett,
how's the crime business?

m*rder.

But today's not bad.
I got the day off.

Uh, where's rerun?

Oh, he's workin' odd hours
at a.b.c.

Dad and I are
going to disneyland.

Wanna come with us, baby?

Sorry, little earl,
I'm helping dwayne and raj.

I'll go.

No, you won't.

See, dwayne is running
for student body president.

[Earl sr.]
All right.

That's right.
He got a big debate
to get ready for tomorrow.

So what's the problem?

I can't debate.

Oh, yeah,
not being able to debate
could be a problem.

Especially
during a debate. Hmm.

We felt that, too,
big earl.

Well, tell me,
dwayne,

Do you have
a good opening remark?

Yeah.
Hey, ok.

Sit down, earl.

Lay it on us. Come on.

[Dwayne clears throat]

[Clears throat]

Ok.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Good start.
Good, great start,
great start.

And you got an ending?
Uh-huh.

Thank you, and good night.

Dynamite. Dynamite.
You're on a roll.

Ok, now what's in the middle?

That's it.

He's got a roll
with nothing in the middle.

Yeah, well, dwayne, uh,
why don't you get
right to the issues?

Now, why should
the students elect you
their president? Huh?

Beats me.

Yeah. You're in trouble.

Yeah. Hey, big earl,
hmm?

You've been a big help,
pal, but we'll work it out.

Good. 'Cause we
have to go anyway.

Uh, what do you say, dee?
You sure you can't
come with us?

Well, I'm kinda helping, uh...

Hey, it's ok. We can--
we'll--we'll work it out.

By the time you come back,
dwayne and I will have
a great speech worked out.

Come on, sugar.

They got a ride
in disneyland

That's almost as thrilling
as you are.

They also have a dog
who's almost as goofy
as you are.

Good luck, you guys.
Bye-bye.

Ok. Take care.

Have fun now.
See you later.

Hey, come back.

Hey, raj...

From the beginning.

[Clears throat]
ok.

Ok, dwayne?

Hmm?

Now we got a long night
ahead of us.

All right.
All right.

I have to go to the bathroom.

♪[Humming]

Hi, shirley,
what's up?

And what are
you doin' here?

Isn't this supposed to be
your big debate night?

Yeah, I just thought
I'd get there
a few days late.

Well, hey, don't be
gettin' all negative now.

You said you was
gonna do it,
so you gotta do it.

So just get yourself together
and get on back to school.

Go on.
I'm scared to death.

Yeah, well, you know,
I can understand that.

Yeah, I was scared
durin' my first debate
back in 1976.

What, you were in a debate?

No, no, I was
watching one on t.v.

It was that, uh,
what's his name?
That ford and, um,

Carter presidential debate.

Why were you
scared to watch
a presidential debate?

Because I knew one of them
would wind up president.

Go on, get out of here
and make your daddy
proud of you. Go on.

Shirley, can't I just stay
a few more minutes?

Uh-uh, no way.
You can't stay here.

Well, I at least gotta think
of somethin' to say first.

Wait, wait a minute. You mean,

You don't know
what you're gonna say yet?

No. See, raj worked with me
half the night.
Uh-huh.

But I'm so nervous,
I've forgotten it all.

Well, there ain't
nothin' to it.
You just--just stay loose.

Just shake it off. See?

Yeah, but what if I'm loose
and I sound like a fool?

You won't sound like a fool,
turkey. Come on.

What if I sound
like a turkey?

You won't sound
like a turkey, fool!

Listen, speech-makin'
is easy.

All you have to do
is just be yourself

And your father will be
very proud of you.

Your mom will be there,
too, you know.
Uh-huh.

And you know
she's pullin' for you.

Uh-huh.

And so there shouldn't be
any problem, right?

Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. Yeah,
come here.

See, all you need
is a little self-confidence.

See, you just got to keep
telling yourself you got it.

Just keep sayin'
I got it, I got it.

Let me hear, baby.
I got it.

I got it. I got it.
No lie. Mmm-hmm.

[Both]
I got it. I got it. I got it.

I got it, I got it...

Keep sayin' it. I...

Ooh.

Now you know
you're gonna get it,
don't you?

Keep sayin' it.
I got it.

Yeah, I got it.
Bye, shirley.

Bye-bye. Let me hear you.
I got it,

I got it, shirley.
I got it.

Let me hear you.
I got it. Mmm-hmm.

[Crickets chirping]

He said
he'd meet us here.

Sweetheart, don't worry.
He's probably doin'
some extra research.

Oh, there he is.
Dwayne...

I got it, I got it, I got...
Hi, mom.

[Raj]
how you feelin',
pal?

Oh, I'm fine.
Just a little nervous
maybe.

We were worried
about you, honey.

Don't worry about a thing.
We'll be right back there

Listening to every word
you say.

Every word?

Sure.

We're really
proud of you, son.
Thanks.

We're all proud
of you, dwayne.
Thanks, raj.

They're gettin' started.
You better get up there.

Hmm, oh.

Go ahead. You can do it.
Ok.

Don't be nervous.

Thanks, y'all.

Good luck.
Good luck.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Would you all
take your seats, please?

Good.

Welcome to
the jefferson high school
student council

Presidential candidacy debate

First I'd like to welcome
mr. Lester williams.

[Audience member]
boo.

[Audience clapping]

Hello.

Hi.

And his opponent,
mr. Dwayne nelson.

[Audience cheering]
hey, hey, hey.

Hey!

Now first,
each candidate will give
his opening remarks,

To be followed
by 2 rounds
of cross-questioning,

A rebuttal
and a final statement.

Wow, that much, huh?

Mmm-hmm.
Now the opening remarks
to start,

And you're first, dwayne.

Me? Can't I be last?

There are only 2 of you.

Then can I be 2nd?

No, young man.
Your opening remarks,
please.

Ladies and gentlemen...

[Audience cheering]

My opening remarks
are short and to the point.

Hi, get down. Vote for me.
Right on.

Thanks a lot.
Your friend, dwayne.

[Audience]
yeah.

Dwayne, this is a debate,
not a pep rally.

Sorry.

The purpose
of the opening remarks

In a debate
is to state your position.

Now, dwayne,
what is your position?

Position?

Oh, sometimes
I play guard,

And then I switch off
and I play the forward.

[Audience laughing]

Mr. Williams,
would you care to give us
your opening remarks?

Yes, ma'am.

Ladies and gentlemen,

The types of changes we need
in the school system

Revolve around
and depend primarily
upon the students.

[Audience jeering]

[All yawning]

Hey, he took the words
right out of my mouth.

'Cause what I was gonna
say is,

The kinda thing
that I'm standin' for,

Is the kinda thing
that we all stand for.

And I love to stand
for things, so right on.

[Audience applauding]

Uh...

Mr. Williams, uh,
how do you think we can
improve school spirit?

Well, as the chart indicates,

It's fallin' fast.

I feel we must look
within ourselves,

Find out what our needs are,

And try to make students
proud of our school.

[All groaning]

Uh, mr. Nelson.

Your stand
on boosting school spirit?

Oh, uh,

To boost
school spirit...

To boost
school spirit...

To boost
school spirit...

Can I get back to you
on that one?

Mr. Williams,
what do you think

Is the cause
of low student morale?

Friends,

Student morale isn't merely
the problem of the students.

It's a combination of things.

School work needs to be
more interesting.

Teachers must strive
to gain our interest.

We can't do it alone.

Hmm, and now the rebuttal.
Mr. Nelson?

Oh, the rebuttal.

The rebuttal.

Do you have anything
to say?

Yeah, actually, I do.

Well, good.

You know, everybody thinks
that lester williams
is a kind of a nerd.

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.

I don't mean that
the way it sounds.

I mean, but if you
listen to him,
he makes sense.

The guy is smart
and he really thinks
about the school.

You see, the reason
why I don't have

Any opening remarks
and rebuttals
and all that stuff

Is because I'm not
a good debater,

Or a good candidate,
or a good politician.

Well, see,
I may be the funnier man,

Or the looser man,
or the cooler man.

But I'm definitely
not the better man.

This is the better man.

Uh, and what I guess
I'm sayin' is,

As a-- as a student
of this school,

I'd rather see lester williams
as the president than me.

I'm withdrawin'
from the race.

[Audience applauding]

Dwayne is some great guy.

He should run for office.

Dad, I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry, son.

Lawrence.

No, sweetheart,
you don't understand.

I made some
wrong assumptions.

I was out of line.

Huh?

You know,
you're quite a guy.

I hope that if I ever run into
a more informed candidate
than myself,

I do exactly what you did

And concede
to the better man.

Hey, dad,
can I quote you on that?

No.

No, no, that's strictly
off the record.

But I tell you what,
why don't we go out
for a victory celebration?

Huh?

For you.

Uh, why me?

It means simply, son,
that election or no election,

You're a winner.

Oh, let's
get outta here.

All right! Let's.

[Chuckling]

See, little earl.

Call me "kid".

Kid.

That kills me.

It's just like lauren bacall
talking to humphrey bogart.

I rolled a 5 and a 4.

I moved this one 5,
and this one 4.

Got it?

I got it.

Ok, you go.

I go, what?

You go, kid.

I got it, baby.

Double 6s?

Double 6s.

I don't believe it.

The only possible way
you could have won,

And you did it.

No way in the world
could you have beat me.

A brand-new player,
and you win.

This game is dumb.

It's not skill.
It's pure luck.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Well, then let's stop.
We've played 4 games already.

We'll play
till I win one.

Set 'em up, kid.

Right on.

You know, raj,
you're right.

Give me an older woman
every time.

Yeah, you just
set 'em up.