01x05 - The Spy Who Came in from the Cool

[bunniefuu]

Fellas, please let me have
a new stick of maracas

Well, you already got
a pair of maracas man.

Yeah, besides Davy, you gotta
save your money for a rainy day.

You're right.

Hey, I think it's gonna rain.

Madam Barinsky, I have fixed the
microfilm inside the maracas.

Very good.

Remember, your contact is a short man.

Will ask you for some red maracas.

You will reply,
'I have some for six dollars'.

He will say, 'But I can only
give you fifty cents'.

You will say, 'They're yours'.

But madame?

I know Boris.

We lose money on the maracas,
but we make it back on the microfilm.

Mike, I just saw a fella
talking to a Popsicle.

Oh yeah.

Well, let me know if
the Popsicle talks back.

I will show you out.

Woah, don't you realise there's
a CIS man watching this shop?

How do you know he's a CIS man?

I saw him talking to a Popsicle.

I use the secret exit.

So that's the secret exit.
Hm.

I was sure it was through the accordion.

I'd like to buy a pair
of maracas, please.

No, have you got any red ones?

Oh yes, you are very short.

Now what did you say you wanted?

A pair of red maracas.

I have a pair for six dollars.

I've only got fifty cents.

They're yours.

Maracas for fifty cents?

We make it up on the microfilm.

Hey contact, use the secret exit.

The secret exit?

Through the harp.

The harp?

Oh.

I could have sworn it
was through the accordion.

I am looking for a pair of red maracas.

Oh, I think I've made a terrible mistake.

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

♪ Girl, you look mighty good to me

And I know that you've got to be ♪

♪ The kind of girl I could love ♪

♪ You've got the sweetest pair of eyes

And your kiss would be paradise ♪

♪ The kind of girl I could love ♪

♪ You do something to my soul ♪

Madam, are you sure we
need these disguises?

Of course we do, we must
blend with our surroundings

♪ Then let me be the one ♪

A teenager just stopped
me and wanted a date.

Teenage girls are very
aggressive in this country.

♪ And my heart has no
doubt that you're ♪

It wasn't a girl

[ Music ]

♪ Hey girl, you look mighty good to me

And I know that you've got to be ♪

♪ The kind of girl I could love

The kind of girl I could love ♪

♪ The kind of girl I could love

The kind of girl I could love ♪

♪ The kind of girl I could love ♪

Now!

We came for the film.

You didn't have to do that.
We usually drop it off at the drug...

Boris will count to three and
if I do not have the film, you die.

Boris, count.

One, two...

Aw, it's all.., see what you did,
you made him cry. You big ox.

It's alright. It's okay.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen, can I have
your attention please, just a minute.

We're very fortunate in having a very
famous folk singing duo with us tonight,

...Honey and the Bear.

Come on up here on the stage.

Honey and the Bear with
a little encouragement

...I think will probably sing one of their
famous folk singing protest songs.

And you take the guitar and play it baby.

Isn't it great?

What do we do madam?

Let's hear it for Honey and the Bear folks.

Have you ever sung Boris?

Only for the District Attorney.

What's the song Boris?

[ Singing ]

Boy, is that real protest singing?
Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo.

Let's split.

Good morning sir.

Honeywell.

What did you learn about
the stolen microfilm?

Well sir, we found out that the
pick up was made by four boys...

...posing as a rock 'n roll group.

I know that.

You followed them with the hidden camera?

Yes sir, we got some
very reveal... [ g*n shot ]

I just want to say that I think the
operators were absolutely fantastic.

- We nailed them.
- Alright, let it roll.

Right sir.

The first member is Peter Tork.

He's the quiet one of the group.

I meant to follow you.
I'm from a polling service.

And I wonder if I may ask
you a few questions?

How do you feel about demonstrations?

They're the only way to
sell a vacuum cleaner.

The second boy is Mike Nesmith.

We believe him to be the
leader of the group.

As you know, they are trying very
hard to revitalise the Republican party.

What do you suggest?

Well, I'd say a lot of pretty girls,
lot of dancing,

you know, music, stuff like that,

...a few hors d'oeurvres.

Will that help the party?

It usually does.

And this is Micky Dolenz.

He's a drummer.

Yeah.

Hi there, I'm with the
advertising testing bureau.

I wonder, we're doing a survey on
how people respond to different faces.

Sorry, yours won't do.

No, no, no, I mean faces like this.

Can you tell me what you
think that man's occupation is?

He's a shoe maker.

Shoemaker's have callouses in
their hands. Right about here.

Hey, what do ya know.

Listen, can I have a half sole on
that by Wednesday please?

Think he'd like a picture of me?

Next one is Davy Jones, the English boy.

We put our camera across
the street from a newsstand,

...so we get an idea of his reading habits.

Are you sure he didn't know
he was being photographed?

Oh, absolutely sir.

[Whistling 'Old Folks at Home']

Are you sure?

Yeah, he couldn't have possibly known.

♪ That's where my heart is yearning ever
That’s where the old folks stay ♪

Are you positive?

♪ All the world is sad and
dreary everywhere I roam ♪

♪ Oh brother, can you hear me yearning ♪

♪ Just for the old folks at home ♪

♪ All together now ♪

♪ All the world is sad and dreary,
everywhere I roam ♪

♪That's where the old... ♪

- Honeywell!
- Yes sir

I've seen enough.

I'm very glad you're here.

You're in a position to do
the CIS a great service.

Monkees: Oh that's great. Really?

Now, I wouldn't be completely candid

...if I didn't tell you there's an
element of danger in this work.

Boys, come back here.

My CIS men are facing danger
every day of the week.

Now here's a dedicated CIS man.

Schwartz, Harold B. Good man Schwartz.

Last week he rounded up
a whole den of spies.

Now what we have in mind
for you isn't that dangerous.

Just how, uh, difficult is it?

You'll have a 50-50 chance
of coming out alive.

Hello chief, send in Schwartz, Harold B.

No, no, no, it's not as bad as all that.

Why, we may be able to
save even three of you.

Three?

Three huh?

Well, I guess we're gonna
have to form a trio.

We're gonna miss you old buddy.

Hey, all kidding aside chief, we'd
like to help. We really would, but...

...man this spy thing just isn't our bag.

Well, don't you worry about a thing.

Now when the time comes, we're
gonna give you all the help you need.

Won't we Honeywell?

Huh? Uh, yes sir!

It's not that I don't trust you.

Um, but I think uh, well I think
I ought to tell you something.

Huh?

You know that man over there?

He talks to Popsicles.

Man, you know, I don't think this espionage
thing is such a good idea after all.

Oh come on, look we've seen
every spy movie, haven't we?

Really, there is nothing to it.

This cuff link contains a
miniaturised tape recorder.

If I wear two of them,
can I record in stereo?

Alright Jones, tell me
what that tie pin does.

If you wear it too long,
your neck starts to weaken.

It also contains a pill.

In the event you're being
tortured beyond endurance,

...you can swallow this pill.

Tell me what it does Jones.

Well, in 30 seconds,
your breath is kissing sweet.

Alright Nesmith, tell me about
your special cigarette lighter.

Well, this cigarette
lighter is very special.

It's got a miniature Japanese camera in it.

Alright.

And also a miniature
Japanese cameraman.

Ow!

Scorched you again there, Yamashita.

Now for hand-to-hand combat,
the basic weapon is the edge of your hand.

All right Yakimoto, do your stuff.

See how simple that is.
Now Jones, come over here.

I want you to hit Yakimoto on the
side of the neck with a karate chop.

No, I couldn't do that.

Don't be silly.

It's his job. We pay him a dollar an hour.
Besides that, you can't hurt him.

Okay.

Ha!

Oh, that stings.

No, no Jones. It has to
be more like this. Excuse me.

Yakimoto. Ga!

You see, that will come with practice
gentlemen. Good job Yakimoto.

Gentlemen, now you should
become familiar with small arms.

Right here we have small arms...

Thank you Yakimoto.
That will be all for today.

The small arms here pictured on the chart...

Thank you Yakimoto. We'll call you.

Twenty five calibre...

I'm sorry Yakimoto.
This time it will come out of your pay.

Gentlemen, you are as
ready as I can make you.

See, nothing to it at all man.

Hey look, we gotta meet
Honeywell for the briefing.

Got my watch on. In a half hour.

Half an hour. We gotta go.

All you have to do is sit down there
and wait until I make their contact.

There's a 12 decibel Kregel
microphone hidden in the lamp.

They'll never suspect a thing.

What about that big black wire?

That's always been a problem.

Come on. I'll show you where I'll be.

Do not fear master.
Your genie will help you.

Huh, imagine that. Wrong show.

I'll be in here listening and
recording everything that they say.

Now, the minute that I hear
them make their confession,

...I'll get in there and make the arrest.

Are there any questions?

Is it too late to get Schwartz?

♪ I I I I I'm not your stepping stone
I I I I I'm not your stepping stone ♪

Decadence. Have you noticed how
they all copy steps from one another?

Ship! They all follow one another.

♪ Girl, they're causing public scenes
I said I I I I I'm not your stepping stone ♪

♪ Not your stepping stone
Not your stepping stone ♪

Madam, after we deliver the film,

...then can we go away
together as you promised?

Yes Boris, we will go to Brazil.

But you told me Argentina.

Alright, Argentina.

Brazil is nice.

♪ When I first met you girl
you didn't have no shoes ♪

♪ But now you're walking 'round
like you're front page news ♪

♪ You've been awful careful
'bout the friends you choose ♪

♪ But you won't find my name in
your book of Who's Who ♪

♪ I said I I I I I'm
not your stepping stone

No girl not me ♪

♪ I I I I I'm not your
stepping stone, oh! ♪

♪ Not your stepping stone
I'm not your stepping stone ♪

♪ Not your stepping stone
Not your stepping stone ♪

They're finished.

We have no time to waste.

Here is the money.
Now give me the film.

Wait, before we give you the film,
I think we have a right to know one thing.

Are you really foreign spies?

Excuse me.

I got the confession.

What confession?

Boris, he nodded.

I can't hear a nod.

What'd you say?





Oh, there's a dollar
ninety missing old buddy.

Impossible.

The cab fare.

Just a minute.
I can trust an enemy agent,

...but a guy that steals a dollar ninety,
now that's a bit much.

Now, are you really foreign agents?

Of course we are.
I simply forgot my change purse.

Excuse me.

- Hey, we got it that time.
- What? What?

We got it.
We got the confession.

The confession.
We got the confession.

I didn't hear a thing.
Someone must had kicked out the plug.

Well, were is he?

Oh, um, don't worry.
He'll be here in just a minute.

I grow impatient.

I grow daffodils.

Well?

Tell me. Do you have any advice for young

people just starting out
in the spying business?

Yes, I would say be
underhanded and dishonest.

You say that speaking as a spy, right?

Yes.

[ Laughter ]

Shh, quiet. We're trying
to record over here.

Spy confession, take 4.

Are you or are you not foreign spies?

Of course we are.

Enough of this staling.
The film.

Quick, get Honeywell.
Call Honeywell.

Come in Honeywell.

Uh, you want the film?
Come and get it.

Honeywell come in.

Calling Honeywell.

Honeywell.

I can't hear anything.

Call Honeywell.

Where's the film?

Madam Brewski, no time for dance?

Quick, watch out for Boris too.

Okay Boris, come on.

Honeywell!

Hey, what's that?

I'll meet you in Argentina.

Mike! Mike, are you okay?

Alright. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Get 'em Mike. Go on.

Madam got away. She's probably
on her way to red China by now.

Yeah, but we've got Boris.

But Boris will meet Madam
in Argentina. She promised.

I'm sorry Boris. You're on
your way to Leavenworth.

I must go to Argentina.

Aw, you'll get to
Argentina some day Boris.

Leavenworth is nice.

Gentlemen, what you are about to see

is the latest secret American weapon.

It will change the course
of modern warfare.

[ Music ]

Monday had a sad child
Always feeling low down

Tuesday had a dream child
She's always on the go

So I'm in love with Saturday's child

Every time you take her out at night
[She drives me wild]

You want to kiss, hold her way up tight
[Gonna spend my time]

You can tell the future's looking bright
[Making sure that Saturday's child is mine]

[Music]

And if you love a Wednesday
You live your life apart now

And if you love a Thursday
She's gonna break your heart

So I'm in love with Saturday's child

Every time you hold her close you'll see
[She drives me wild]

You can feel the thrill that's gonna be
[Gonna spend my time]

Now the future has a guarantee
[Making sure that Saturday's child is mine]

Seven days of the week made to choose from

But only one is right for me

I know that Saturday's got what it takes,

babe I can tell by the way she looks at me

[ Music ]

Friday likes the good life

She'll take you for a ride now

And Sunday makes a good wife
She wants to be your bride

So I'm in love with Saturday's child

Every time you take her out at night
[She drives me wild]

You want to kiss, hold her way up tight
[Gonna spend my time]

You can tell the future's looking bright

[Making sure that Saturday's child is mine,
Saturday's child]

Every time you take her out at night
[She drives me wild]

You want to kiss, hold her way up tight
[Gonna spend my time]

You can tell the future's looking bright