01x10 - Here Come the Monkees (Pilot)

[bunniefuu]

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to our man
in the street interview.

It's a wet night tonight, but we're
going to ask a few questions.

Uh, you're-sir, may I ask
you a question, please?

- Well, surely.
- Your name, please?

Doctor Turner. Lionel B. Turner.

I see. Doctor Turner,
recently in our fair city,

there have been many acts
of violence committed right

in the streets in full view
of people like yourself.

Disgusting.

They have just stood by and watched
people being brutally attacked.

Deplorable.

What would-how do you feel
about that, sir? What-

Disgusting. It's each man's solemn duty
to protect his fellow citizens.

And if you saw a fight or
a person being beaten?

taking place right here in the street-

I would involve myself physically.
I would come in fist and feet flying.

- Help! Help!
- I see.

I'll tell you something right now.

Won't some... won't some innocent
bystander please help me?

How about you, sir?

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Doctor Turner! Doctor Turner!
Doctor Turner!

Heavy man! Doctor Turner!

Doctor Turner! Doctor Turner!

Thank you very much. Thank you.

That will be fifteen cents, please.

Here we come, walkin'
down the street

We get the funniest looks
from every one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
and people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
to put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly,
come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation,
and we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
you never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,
we may be comin' to your town

Wool Hat, take the boys right over
to the Riviera Country Club.

You're going to audition
for a Mr. Russell.

- Hey, you're putting us on!
- Nope.

Oh, really? That's just great!

Thanks, Rudy!

Charlie Russell and I were in
the Marines together,

and it's his daughter's sweet
sixteen party next week.

You must be joking.

Sweet sixteen.

Hey, wait a minute. If you get it,
it may open up a lot of work.

And it's a hundred and
fifty bucks cash.

♪ When you were sweet sixteen. ♪

Here we are.

Everybody out. Let's go.

This is a lovely place
you've got here.

It's terrible, daddy.
You just can't dance to this music.

I mean, nothing happens, you know?

Now, now, Vanessa;
you're not being fair.

I don't even know
why you called Rudy;

you're not gonna let The
Monkees play at my party.

That's all for tonight,
ladies and gentlemen.

This is Sven Helstrom and the
Swedish Rhythm Kings saying

♪ Good night, sweetheart ♪

♪ Good night ♪

Good night!

Come on.

- You must be The Monkees!
- That's us.

- Them.
- Us?

I'm Vanessa Russell,
and this is my father.

Come on, fellas, let's go. Davy?

Davy? Davy, let's play.

I hope they don't play too loud;
I don't want to lose my membership.

Monkees, you say?

Yes. There is something
primitive about them, Vanessa.

Hey, give me a G.

Come on.
Quit clowning around. Let's go.

I wanna be free

Like the bluebirds
flying by me

Like the waves out
on the blue sea

If your love has to tie me

Don't try me,
say good-bye

I wanna be free

Don't say you love me,
say you like me

But when I need
you beside me

Stay close enough
to guide me

Confide in me, whoa-oh-oh

I wanna hold your hand
Walk along the sand

Laughing in the sun
Always having fun

Doing all those things

Without any strings
to tie me down

I wanna be free

Like the warm
September wind, babe

Say you'll always
be my friend, babe

We can make it
to the end, babe

Again, babe, I've gotta say

I wanna be free

I wanna be free

Like the warm
September wind, babe

Say you'll always
be my friend, babe

We can make it
to the end, babe

Again, babe, I've gotta say

I wanna be free

I wanna be free

I wanna be free

I wanna be free

Oh, please, daddy, please?

I never thought I'd betray my country
club this way, but... you're hired.

I never wanna see you again.

How about tomorrow night?

But I thought you had to study
for your history final.

I trust this isn't
the start of a trend.

Hey, Davy.
Where you going, Dave?

I've got a date.

Got your handkerchief?

Car fare?

Might rain.
Better take your galoshes.

Hey, come on, you guys.

Your mother and I have been worried
about you for some time now, Davy.

Yeah, you've been setting a poor
example for your baby brother.

Coochie coochie coo, baby, ha ha ha.

Please, son, don't talk to no
strangers after midnight.

Davy?
I think we've started a trend.

It's one a.m.! Don't you
have a test tomorrow?

Haven't you been spending
too much time with that

boy when you should have been studying?

Don't worry; I'll pass my history final.

I flunked my history final.

- What?
- Dear.

And now, don't get excited;
I can take a make-up exam.

She's getting a make-up final,
but if she flunks that, you're out of a job.

Well, she'll pass, won't she?

Uh-uh. Because the only thing she
has on her mind is Davy Jones.

Oh, huh.

Come on, we're in the middle of a game!

- Hey, Davy-
- Leave him go. Let him go.

He’s uptight.
Just let him go.

I wanna be free

Like the bluebirds
flying by me

Like the waves out
on the blue sea

If your love has to tie me

Don't try me,
say good-bye

I wanna be free

I wanna be free

Hey, what's really the matter?

Well, she's a groovy kid.

Oh. Yeah, I know.

It's just that now, now she
fails her tests and all.

Come on, she got hung up;
you didn't hang her up.

What's the difference?
She's in trouble.

Okay.
So what do you wanna do?

I wanna help her.

Sure you want to help.

I want to help Peter too,
but I can't; he's a birdbrain.

Alright, fellas, knock it off.
I've been thinking.

Come on.

Davy's right.
We should help Vanessa.

I hereby declare a board meeting.

Gentlemen, I have bad news.
The firm of Vanessa, Russell,

and Vanessa is failing rapidly.

Good heavens!
We'll be wiped out!

Unless we revitalize our firm by
sending in our most brilliant man.

Me?
You must be joking!

You're the only one qualified.

You're absolutely right, chief.

Good luck, Jones, and godspeed.

Gentlemen, the meeting is adjourned.

Look like we need a new gavel.

You guys must be out of your birds.

H-how am I gonna help
Vanessa with her history?

Her old man won't even let
me in the house.

Simple.
We get her out of the house.

Thank you for the donation to
the gift shop, Mr. Russell.

You're welcome.
You're welcome.

- Hi there!
- Hello, love.

All I know is early this morning,
she was gone.

Jill, what do you know about this?

The boys are only trying to
help Vanessa pass her final.

Davy, it's cold.

Hey, Vanessa.
Hey, Vanessa, look at this.

♪ When Patrick Henry was in Virginia ♪

♪ He made a speech we all recall ♪

♪ He said to the people
of the Charlotte town ♪

♪ United we stand, divided we fall ♪

Oh, Davy, it's so quiet and peaceful here.

Alexander Hamilton,
you have accused me of treason,

therefore, I challenge you to this duel.

Correct, Aaron Burr, you are a blaggard.

Eight, nine, ten.

Oh, I think you're all crazy and wonderful.

Oh, there you are, Vanessa!

Holy cow, it's Mr. Russell!

Come on!

You come with me!

Remember, Vanessa, December the sixteenth,

seventeen seventy-three,
was the date of the-

Boston Tea Party.

Perfect, just perfect, Vanessa.
Every question answered correctly.

What's the matter? You don't
look very happy about it.

Miss Cooper, would you believe me if
I told you I owed it all to a,

a Monkee, and that my father's prejudiced?

Child, you must have worked very hard.

So, in a way, you ought to be
grateful to The Monkees.

Apparently, they succeeded
where I failed.

I'm sorry, but I cannot permit
them to come in here.

But, daddy, they're my friends!

Hey, hey. Wh-what do
you fellas want?

- Vanessa Russell invited us.
- Yeah.

Sure she did.
Now, beat it. Go on!

You're evil!

Please, Vanessa, no tears.

I wanna go home.

What are you crying about?

The music's so sad.

Alright, chaps, all clear.
Let's have at it. Up and over.

Were The Monkees here?

Uh, a minute ago.
I did just as you said, sir.

Oh, um, well, it's just as well.

Hey!
What are you doing there?

If they catch us,
it means a life sentence.

I don't want to go back in that hole.

You dirty, rotten screw!

You'll never take us alive!

Come and get us, guard!
Come and get us! Come and get us!

What seems to be the trouble?

It's Mr. Russell and the guard.

Okay, I'll talk to them.

Let's split!

Boys, boys! Wait, I wanna
talk to you! Just a min-

Did you see any Monkees?

See what?

Monkees, Monkees!

Really, Russell, old boy, you've
been hitting the booze too hard.

Ah!

Excuse me, are The Monkees in here?

Shh!

Okay, Wyatt, what ya got?

Three ladies.

No good. A straight to the ten.

Afraid you lose, Bat. All red ones.

Hold it. That's my pot;
I got a chandelier.

A chan-a chandelier?
What's that?

It's your play.

Shh.

There they go, sir!

It's Russell! Come on!

Stop, boys, stop!

Let me talk to you.

Stop! You don't happen to be
The Monkees, do you, old chaps?

You play beautifully.

I know it!

What's the matter?
What happened?

[mumbles]

The Monkees!
Davy?

Your old man's chasing us.

They're trapped, sir.

You, you don't understand.
They're invited!

Invited? You sold out, sir.

Your country club and yourself!

Daddy, please tell him he
can stay, please.

I've sold out!

Merci, mon capitan. And now
in gratitude, we must play.

How are we going to get Sven and
the Rhythm Kings off the bandstand?

Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention, please.

I regret to inform you that Norway
has just declared w*r on Sweden,

and all Swedish nationals are
to report to their embassy.

One, two. One, two.
One, two.

Let's dance on,
Oh, baby, come on.

Let's dance on 'til the dawn,
Have fun 'til the music's all gone.

Your name, please?
Your name, please?

I'm conducting a man in the
ballroom interview.

Can I have your name?

Let's keep it up baby,
'Cause the music's still strong

- We're doin' the Pony
- Can I have your name?

I'm in terrible pain, but I like it.

Oh, Charles.

- Please, I've got to get an interview!
- Let's dance on,

Oh, baby, come on

Let's dance on

- 'til the dawn
- Hey, you really swing!

Give me an interview!
Please, this will ruin me!

The way you're movin'
Girl, you look so fine.

You been doin' the Shotgun,
Let me see you do the Twine,

Let's see the Watusi,
And the Action too,

Don't be that way to me!
Look, I can do it!

Thin, thin, thin! Thin, thin, thin!

And to think we met
crossing the street.

Davy!

- Get him!
- Come on, fellas!

I was only joking!

Hi. Uh, tonight, the-we're a
minute short, as usual,

so we're gonna show you two
spontaneous, unrehearsed,

uh, screen tests that were done
of Mike and Davy before

The Monkees-we started filming,
before we, like,

knew what was all going to happen.

These were two screen
tests that we did,

and they're in black and white,
so don't worry, the color is okay.

What do you talk so much for?

Hey Davy, let me ask you one thing.

Did you start off, like, are you
a Kentucky colonel's son? I mean-

- No, my father's a fitter.
- A what?

He's an engineer, uh, he's an
engineer on the railways, you know, you-

How did you get into show business?
How did that all start out?

Oh, I used to act at school
and whatnot, and, uh,

they said I should be an actor,
but I wanted to be a jockey.

How did you get started on that?

Uh, well, I'll tell you about that.
I just, you know,

I-I-I always used to watch
it on the TV, you see.

I used to ride so many winners each week
watching it on the television.

My father said I-I ought
to be a jockey.

I see somebody coming around the back
there is gonna do me in two minutes flat.

Um, heh heh. So anyway, I, um,
I decided I wanted to be a jockey,

so I left school when I was fourteen
and a half, went to be a jockey.

I, uh, practiced for about, uh,
re-well, rehearsed. Listen to me.

I, uh, I practiced to be a jockey
for about six, seven months,

then I finally got on a
horse and started to ride.

- Yeah.
- I thought this was the life.

In the rain, you know, five o'clock in the
morning and everything like that. So I, uh-

Did you make any money?

Uh, yeah, but not,
not riding I didn't,

because you have to serve an
apprenticeship for five years.

Hey Davy, jockeys aren't
big guys, are they?

- No.
- How tall are you anyway?

Uh, fi-about five three, yeah.

Do girls like that size or what?

- Well, you know.
- Do you have trouble...

adjusting things?
In boots, you're five three.

Uh. Ha ha ha. In boots,
I'm five three. Yeah.

Uh, no, I don't get-have
trouble adjusting.

I kind of like tall girls, yeah.
Uh, it's kind of groovy, but-

- No, I didn't ask you that, Davy.
- Yeah.

I asked you whether or
not they like you.

Ha ha ha.

You haven't got any hair on your face.

No. That-uh, that's a funny bit.

I went into hospital,
had my appendix out, you see,

and I go into the hospital,
and she says, "Okay, shaving time".

- Alright, Davy.
- I says, I says, "I don't-"

Haven't you got any clean thoughts?
You look like such a clean kid.

I am a clean kid. You know,
they made me put my

hair over my ears
and all this shtick.

I'm really a clean-cut kid, you know.

- Yeah.
- And, uh, they made me do this.

Take off the hat, will ya?
I want to see what the hair looks like.

Doesn't look great.

What-hey, Davy, let me ask,
what bag are you in?

What what?

- What bag are you in?
- Bag?

- Yeah.
- I don't get that.

Alright, let me ask you
something. I mean, like,

do you make a folk sound or a rock
sound or anything like that?

I make a terrible sound,
but you know. No.

Hey, let me see you do
the song and dance you do.

Song and dance I do?

A cartwheel, something.
Do something, quick!

A song and-you must be joking.

No, I'm not.

What do you want-what do you
want me to do? Sing?

A dance. One of your
little, quick things.

Hey Davy, you want to
know something? Honestly.

- Hold it for a second.
- What?

I really think you should
have been a jockey.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

- Shut the door, will you, Mike?
- Good evening, Ed.

Shut the door. Mike,
sit down somewhere.

I want to ask you a lot of
questions about yourself.

Tell us what your name is.

My name is Michael Blessing.

No, I want to hear the truth.

No, that's it, man, I'm telling you.
It's a pseudonym.

How did you get to Nesmith?

Well, uh, Nesmith is my real name.

Well, how'd you get to Blessing?

- It's a pseudonym.
- How'd you happen to pick Blessing?

Well, uh, why are you
asking me that? It's weird.

Get on something else.
Makes me very uptight.

Get on to something self by yourself.

Okay, um-

Tell me the Colonel Mallory story.

No, uh, because that's a
very dumb story. However,

I will tell you about the time
that I was in the Air Force,

and I tumped over a general's airplane.
One time, I was in the Air Force-

I don't believe it.

and, no, I turned over the
general's airplane.

- That's about the time-
- Turned over?

Yeah, that's about the time I
was in the general's airplane.

- Tell me the Colonel Mall-the...
- That's it, man.

- That's all the story.
- Colonel Mallory story.

Mike, let me ask you something,
seriously, now.

Why do you do this
kind of business?

- What's that?
- Play the music.

- Well, I mean-
- How'd you get to it?

Why do they call that a light?
I don't know.

That's just where it's at.

Well, how'd you get to it?
How long ago?

About two years.

You just came to it two years ago?

- Mm-hm.
- What, what before then?

I was a failure.

- Yeah, but did you work at that?
- Yeah.

How did you-

Me, I just didn't do anything.
I was a failure. Um.

Do you think you're a goof?

- Do you?
-No.

Well, see, it depends
on what you think.

- Do I think you're a goof?
- Yeah.

No.

Well, okay, see, then that's where it's at.
If you think I'm a goof, man, I'm a goof.

You know, what I think is what I am, aight.

And I don't think I'm a goof.

I don't think you're a goof.

Right. Okay. I think I'm out
of work, and I hope

I get this series. But a goof?
No, I'm not a goof.

Let me ask you this,
you have any ego hang-ups?

Yeah, a lot of ego hang-ups.
I've got a few eagle hangers, and got-

Got ego hang-ups with me right now?

Now, listen, wait a minute.
I mean, really,

if you're really tight about me
sitting in the chair, babe,

I'm sorry, but I really want
to see what's in this,

because when I go home, I'm gonna say,
"Hey, on The Farmer's Daughter,

you know what's in that drawer?"
That's gonna be a gas.

You may be the only one who's
ever been in that drawer, Mike.

I'm not, because there's
stuff in it.

Mike, come back here, will ya?

Well, wait a minute.
Ooh, wow! Are you ready for this?

Okay, go ahead, do the butler bit.

No, I was gonna about.
I'm telling you.

Mike, let me ask you something.

Do you think you can play another
part, a part of another guy?

Of what? Of what is that? What do
you want me to be, strong and silent?

Yeah, be strong and silent.
And Wool-Wool Hat, now be a girl.

Mike, they're the same thing.

Well, I mean, that's your
hang-up, man, not mine.

I mean, I know where it's at.

Were you ever a strong
and silent girl before?

Have you ever ask that-