01x16 - Son of a Gypsy

[bunniefuu]

Relax, my sons; we are sure to be
chosen to play at Madame Rantha's affair.

Man, I sure hope we get this booking.

What if we don't get the gig?

Oh, relax, will ya
Everybody likes rock and roll.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Once you are at party,
my grubchicks,

then you will steal the
priceless Maltese Vulture.

But suppose we are not hired, mama?

Relax, Marco; everybody
loves gypsy music.

Good morning, gypsies.
Good morning, Monkees.

Congratulations, Monkees!

I've decided that you are
to play at my ball.

- Oh, great, groovy.
- We'd love to do it.

I'll see you here at eight
on Saturday night.

Saturday night,
eight o'clock. Groovy.

- Right.
- Bye-bye, Monkees.

- Thank you.
- Bye-bye, Gypsies.

Don't call us; we'll call you.

k*ll! k*ll!

There, there, Marco.
He is going through a stage.

Oh, I'm really glad to hear that.

Marco's sullen moods
only last three years.

Well, why does he wanna k*ll us?

Marco feels badly that
we did not get the job.

Yeah, I can see that.

But we don't want you to think
that gypsies are vengeful people.

That's good.

Don't bite your nails, darling.

That's bad.

Nonsense. You must give us a chance
to show there are no hard feelings;

you must come to our camp.

Oh, camp! Swimming, canoeing-

- Oh, well, we're really, you know-
- arts and crafts.

Good! You will be there
at noon tomorrow

and we will show you that a
gypsy knows how to laugh.

Here we come, walkin'
down the street

We get the funniest looks
from every one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
and people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
to put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly,
come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation,
and we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
you never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,
we may be comin' to your town

You know, that was a lousy
idea to come out here today.

Well, I don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, the woods are just so beautiful.

Yeah, famous last words.

Whose?

Little Red Riding Hood.

Soon. Soon.

The Monkees will be here soon!

And then, you know
what we do, grubchicks?

k*ll! k*ll!

No, Marco, we don't k*ll.

Oh. Maim?

Perhaps, later. But for now,
we need The Monkees alive.

But after they get us
the Maltese Vulture,

then, if you are good, grubchicks,
then you can k*ll them.

Shh. Here come our
Monkee pigeons. Welcome!

We are delighted you
could come today.

We want you to feel like one of us.
Rocco, the clothes.

Groovy clothes, innit?

And we want each of you to have
one of these good luck charms.

Notice, is boar tooth.

Oh, yeah, that's a boar's tooth, okay-ooh!
Look-it's a little bitty cavity.

Yes, but this group had twenty-seven
percent fewer cavities.

Oh, thank you very much;
I'll keep it always. Don't do that.

Gosh, huh, I'll never
give it away. I couldn't.

A ha ha, ah, thanks, and, and,
and, and this is salt for you.

It's for good luck.
You throw it over your shoulder.

Now my sons will
show you our camp.

My friends!

Marco, one word, please.
You know the plan;

each one of you will knock
them out, drug them,

drag them, and then tie them up.

But, Marco, promise me
one thing: no roughhouse.

This is where my mother
reads the future.

Oh, that's really great, huh. Well,
what does this pin stand for?

That pin stands for
the flow of the tide.

Oh. What does this one stand fo-

That pin stands for
holding up the chart.

But I can read your
future in the tea leaves.

Oh, well, I don't believe that stuff.

It's true. Sit down.

Alright, ha ha.

Drink the tea.

Alright. Okay, huh,
what do you see, huh?

I see you are growing very tired.

Hey, that's pretty good.
You know, you're right.

I see that you are going to fall
down and be very unconscious.

You know, I gotta admit, man.
That's fanta-

Knife is tradition gypsy weapon.

My knife give to me by
great great grandfather;

is historic relic.

Oh, really?
What kind is it?

Switchblade.

Oh.

Marco show you how gypsy
fight with knife.

Oh, well, you don't really
have to do that. I'm not really-

It's called Handkerchief in Teeth.

Well, um, I don't really-

Bite hard.

Uh!

First one open mouth and
let go is coward.

I win! I'm the coward.
Ha ha! Here's the knife.

Thank you very much.
Handkerchief. Buh-bye.

Huh, I win. Heh heh.
You know, I have to go.

Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

When you think of gypsy,
you think of a dancer.

I think of Ethel Merman.

Tanya! Tanya and I will
show you how a gypsy dances.

Ha! Ha ha! h*!

Dance, gypsies, dance!

Ha! Ha ha h* ha ha!

Hey, uh, hey, what's
this here, Zeppo?

Oh, the gypsies originated
the art of phrenology.

Huh?

That is the reading of bumps.

From the bumps on your forehead,

I can tell many things...
but you have no bumps.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Zeppo.

Well, that's alright.
Now, from the bump on your forehead,

I can tell many things.

Very good, grubchicks.
Wonderful, Marco.

Alright, Monkees, how about it?

I'm sorry, but we're not gonna
steal that Maltese Vulture for you.

- No. Nope. Not gonna do it.
- We're not gonna do it.

I warn you, we are desperate people.

Come on, Maria.

Maria? How you know my
mother's name is Maria?

Uh, it's on her tent.

Who told you to read tent?!

There, there, Marco.

Now, now, you don't understand.

We're not thieves, Maria.
Uh, mama-I mean, mom, uh.

Nonsense!
The urge to steal is basic;

we are all thieves at heart.

- Where did she get that idea?
- She stole it.

Listen, Monkees, if you
do not help us willingly,

a gypsy has other
means of persuasion.

I like a man that has a
few irons in the fire, ha ha.

Think it over, Monkees.
Ha ha ha ha ha! You have five minutes.

Five minutes.
Ha ha ha ha ha.

Five minutes?

They're gonna t*rture us.

Oh!

They're gonna use a hot iron.

No, they're not.

They might even use the rack.

The rack?!

Oh! Oh! Ah! Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh! Oh!

Ooh, that-ah, that smarts!
Ah, that smarts!

Ooh! Ooh!

Oh, Davy.

Ow! Ooh! Ooh!

He's had enough; take him off.

Oh, I'm all stretched out.

Davy! Are you alright,
Davy? You okay?

How are you?
Hey, Davy, how are you?

Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
It's okay; you can stand up now.

We are standing up.

Oh, she couldn't be serious.

- No, of course not.
- No.

They're not gonna really t*rture us.

No, relax.

Help!

Well, boys, do you steal the
vulture or do you die?

Hot poker... now, mama?

Not that one, Marco;
that's my lamb chop!

Sorry, Kiko.

Well, vulture or poker?

Now, mama?

Now, Marco.

Ah!

Wait, no. Not that!
You leave us little choice.

Alright, we will steal
the Maltese Vulture.

How was that?
That sound okay?

What? Oh yeah.

Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, good, good.

It was great.

Ah! You are now my gypsy sons!

Now, mama?

Alright, boychicks, gather 'round.

This is the floor plan of
the Rantha mansion.

You will be playing in
the ballroom here.

The vulture is kept in the
wall safe in this bedroom,

and two guards will be on
duty in this corridor.

Now, how do you get in?

Well, I, I think I'd probably
start in over here,

and go at an angle about like
this over to there.

Well, I think that if we're
playing in the ballroom,

there's no reason just
not to sneak through the

library and into that corridor
and right past the guards.

Well, if there's two guards
in the thing,

then you gotta go out
the window, and then you

come around way out the outside,
and then you can sneak in over here,

and take it out of the
wall safe that way.

Now if it was me, I'd go
through the dining room,

through the bathroom,
into the bedroom,

'round the corner to the other
bedroom where the wall safe is.

Here you go.

- Here you are, ha ha.
- Yeah.

Here, Maria. It's no Michelangelo.

Yeah, it's no Charlton
Heston, either.

Very funny.

Yeah, well, uh, look, we're as
ready as we'll ever be, so, uh-

Yep.

-I guess we'll go now. Bye.

Uh, buh, where's Peter?

- Yeah, wh-where is Peter?
- Where's Peter?

- Peter?
- He is staying here.

Huh?

As hostage. If you do not deliver
the vulture by midnight, we will k*ll him.

Wait, wait a minute.
We're a quartet.

Marco!

Wha-

Marco will go with you.
He has a very good ear... for robbery.

Ha ha ha!
Take them away!

On to the robbery!

Let's dance on
Oh baby, come on

Let's dance on till the dawn
Have fun till the music's all gone

? Shake, rattle your roll ?

? Shake, rattle your roll ?

? Six o'clock and roll ?

? Rock! Rock! Hey!
Da da da roll!

Rock! Rocka roka rodle!
Rocka! Roko! ?

Marco. Ma-hey, Marco! Marco!

Marco, hey, over here! Marco! Marco!

Hey, over here! Hey, Marco. Ma-hey.

Listen, uh, we'll all
play it together, okay?

Wait for us to start too. Okay?

We gotta get-we gotta get him outta
here and get word to the police!

Uh, Marco, why don't you go and
see where the guards are stationed?

You no give Marco orders;
Marco has orders from mama.

Well, wh-what are your orders?

She tell me to see where
guards are stationed.

Marvelous! Divine!

Oh! Are we glad to see you!

Do have some hors d'oeuvres;
they're imported!

Hey, wait a minute.
You know gonna steal.

Uh buh, uh buh-man, we still
gotta get word to the cops.

Right.

Sir, this is an emergency.
Don't look startled.

Just look straight ahead.

Pretend we're having a
normal conversation. Good.

Now, after I tell you this,

I want you to walk calmly out of
this place and call the police.

Sir, there are thieves here that are
gonna steal the Maltese Vulture.

Yugoslavia! Groz na pull
ya pool noos ya see.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Hello. Come on, put the note
in the bottle. Quick, quick, quick.

Wait! Wait, wait.

- Great, let's go.
- Let's go.

What is that?

It's two cents deposit.

Two guards outside bedroom.
Must be disposed of.

Don't worry, we'll distract 'em.

Hey, man, if we don't get
the vulture by midnight,

it's curtains for Peter.

No curtains for Peter.
Death for Peter.

? Shake, rattle your roll ?

? Rock! Rock! Midnight clock! Rock! ?

Hey, listen, fellas.
You distract the guards,

and I'll try and get in the room.

Right.

Alright, stick 'em up!

Help, help. Help. Robbery.
Who is this masked man anyway?

Help, help. g*n. Oh,
terror, terror, burglar.

Burglar, help? Help, help.
Wallet, mine, his now.

A robbery! Look,
there's a robbery!

We're not supposed to
leave our post.

Hey, listen, fellas. It's no good;
they won't leave their post.

You better try something else.
Hey fellas, fellas! Hey fellas!

Oh, help! Fight! k*ll!
Help! Oh, blood!

Help! Not again! Oh! Ow! Ooh!
Ee! Ah! Oh! Oh! Ah! Oh!

There's a fight going on over there.

We're not supposed to leave our post.

Ah! Ooh! Ah! Oh!
Ow! Oh! Ow!

You're through this time.
The jig is up. You're washed up.

Ah! Ooh!

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Hey, fellas, look!
There's a fire! Fire, ooh!

Fire! Fire! Fire? Fire.

Hey you! Come on.

Can't you guys read?

Uh, no. Ha ha.
We're musicians.

Oh. Oh, okay. Come on; we're
not supposed to leave our post.

Boy, it's a good thing
I came prepared.

All I need now is a light.
Wrong light. Ooh, that's better.

It's okay.

Take the last train to Clarksville
And I’ll meet you at the station

You can be here by four-thirty

Right this way, darling.
I'll show you my vulture.

How exciting!

It's alright.

It's just me.
It's alright. Ah!

Are you sure it's safe?

Oh, of course it's safe
for me to show it to you;

that's what we have guards for.

Here it is, darling:
my treasured Maltese Vulture.

If they don't drop that
vulture in five minutes,

it's curtains for you.

Oh, for a minute, I thought
you were gonna k*ll me.

How beautiful. How can anything so
beautiful come from such an ugly bird?

Oh, you've met my husband?

Thank you very much, guard,
for-oh, thank you, thank you, guard.

Oh, Cecil. There it is.
Look at, look at the bird, Cecil.

Oh! Not that bird, this bird!

Oh, it's beautiful, Madame Rantha.

It's magnificent. You know,
you can hardly see the flaw.

Flaw? What flaw?

Oh, the flaw! You can see it
if you hold it up to the sun.

There's no sun; it's midnight.

Oh, uh, well, you can see it if you hold
it up to the midnight, heh. Midnight?!

- Midnight?!
- Midnight!

Oh, no! My-

Thank you.

That boy!
He has my vulture!

You, gypsies! Grab him!

Bring him in the house immediately.

Oh, my vulture!

Guard, guard, guard...
oh, you're the guard!

This one stole the vulture
and threw it at that one.

He's a very tricky young man.

You can tell he's a thief;
it's written all over his face.

A good thief, but a bad speller.

Ooh! Davy, tell 'em who we are.

Well, once upon a time
there was this group of-ooh,

ah, oof, that hurts my arm!

Hey, I don't like the
way that guard's acting.

What are you, a talent
scout or something?

You gypsies are really
wonderful people.

I must take one of you
to lunch this week.

Thank you, Madame.

I'm really very grateful.

If there's anything
you want, just take it.

The vulture, grubchicks!

The vulture! The vulture!

Oh, oh! Get me my vulture!
Somebody-

I thought love was only
true in fairytales

Meant for someone
else but not for me

Love was out to get me

That's the way it seemed

Disappointment haunted
all my dreams

Then I saw her face,
now I'm a believer

Not a trace of
doubt in my mind

I'm in love, I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

I thought love was more
or less a givin' thing

Seems the more I
gave the less I got

What's the use in trying?
All you get is pain

When I needed
sunshine I got rain

Then I saw her face,
now I'm a believer

Not a trace of
doubt in my mind

I'm in love,
I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

Love was out to get me

That's the way it seemed

Disappointment haunted
all my dreams

Then I saw her face,
now I'm a believer

Not a trace of
doubt in my mind

I'm in love,
I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

Yes I saw her face,
now I'm a believer

Not a trace of
doubt in my mind

Said I'm a believer,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm a believer

- I'm a believer
- I'm a believer

Well, Maria, we're certainly
glad you turned over a new leaf.

Yes, you boys have showed us that

my boys can make a faster
dollar in show business.

And with as little talent too.

And so, I bid you goodbye.
You are really gypsies at heart.

I love you all. You will
always be my gypsies.

- Bye Maria.
- Bye now!

Bye Maria.

I love you all,
and don't forget me.

Farewell, everyone.

Farewell!

Bye, farewell!

Oh, I'm glad to see
they're going straight.

You know, I think we were
a good influence on 'em.

Yeah, well, let's not hang
around here all night. Let's go.

Yeah, it's nearly-hey!

She took your watch!

Yeah, it's gone!

Hey, mine's gone too.

Well, I don't wear a wa-my wallet!

Peter, what did she take from you?

- Peter?
- Peter?

No, she couldn't have.

You, you don't think-

Peter?

Uh, you know, I really thought-

She wouldn't have stolen-

Peter?

Peter?

Hey Maria!

Maria!