01x19 - Find the Monkees

[bunniefuu]

Ah, we're being invaded
by martians. Ahh!

Hi, fellas.

Micky, will you cool it?
It's the Four Martians.

Oh.

Hi, what's up, babe?
What's happening?

We need a guitar string.

Oh, okay. I think I got one.
Yeah, which one do you need?

You got a B?

Yeah, B. Okay? What, are you
guys playing a gig or something?

Better. We're auditioning
for Hubbell Benson.

Hubbell Benson, the-the TV producer?

Yeah. He's looking for a singing
group to star in his new TV show.

Didn't you guys get an invitation?

Oh, uh, sure we did.

- Yeah.
- Sure.

Oh, well, okay.
We'll see you at the audition.

Thanks for the string.

- Yeah.
- Later.

Thanks. Uh, good luck.
Hey, let's check the mail.

Bill, bill, a bi... hey, there's
nothing but bills here.

How come the Martians got an
invitation and we didn't?

Well, you know, there are probably
very few invitations. Two or three.

Sure. Hey, it's the Foreign Agents.

Hi men.
Did you get your invitation?

Uh, no. You see, our mail
doesn't come 'til late Monday.

Uh, like, Thursday.

Well, uh, got to split for rehearsal;
this is our big chance.

A ha. Big chance.

Yo h* h*!

Oh, hey, it's the Jolly Green Giants.

Yo h* h*!

Hey, uh, what's new, Jolly
Green Giants? Uh, h* h* h*.

Hiya, Monkees. You wanna
know what we got in the mail?

Yes.

An autographed photo
of Annette Funicello.

Oh!

We thought you meant you got an
invitation to Benson's audition.

Oh, yeah. We got that too.

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

Boy, it's not fair; we're as
bad as any other group in town.

Right, man. But all those other
groups got invitations that audition.

Yeah, except us.

Oh, what are we gonna do?

Well, we can't take this lying down.

Oh, Peter.

Boy, I hope we starve.

We are starving.

They'll be sorry when they
find us dead on the floor.

Oh, Peter.

I can see the headlines now:
"Skinny group found in California."

Oh, Peter.

Wait a minute. Why don't we
just send a tape to Mr. Benson?

What tape? What tape?

The tape we did on that
tape recorder we hired.

Oh! Man, I think I left the tape
in the recorder when I returned it.

Oh.

And we'll have those contracts
in the mail early in the morning.

Regards to the wife.
Bye.

Easy on the old trapeze
muscles there, Tony, baby.

Yes, sir, Mr. Benson.

Watch your foot, Tony!

Miss Chomsky?

Yes, Mr. Benson.

Where's the dictaphone?

It's broken.

It's broken?!

Olé. Olé.

I've got a TV show to produce,
contracts to dictate.

Your dictaphone is being repaired.
I rented you a tape recorder.

A tape recorder?
Okay. Bring it in.

Are you sure it's alright to
come here without an invitation?

Man, how else are we gonna get
an audition with Benson? Come on.

You know what you're doing,
Miss Chomsky?

I think so, Mr. Benson.

Hey, who are they?
What's going on?

I'm sorry, Mr. Benson,
I can't understand.

Sensational. Sensational. That's great.
That's the group I'm looking for.

They're gonna star in my new TV show.
Who are they, and get 'em over here.

I can't, Mr. Benson.

Can't? You say "can't"?
I find the stars of my show,

and you keep saying "can't"?

That tape was on the
machine when I rented it.

I can't imagine who they are!

Miss Chomsky, if you say "can't"
one more time, you're fired.

But I can't, Mr. Benson.

Miss Chomsky, you're fired.

Thank you, Mr. Benson.

Williams, Gaspar, uh, Benson
Hubbell Productions, three-oh-two.

Shall we?

Yes.

Oh, Peter, please tell me
it isn't the hiccups.

It isn't the hic-cups.

How are we gonna perform as
a group if you've got the...

Hic-cups?

Yeah.

I'm sorry about this, but I... hu...
always get the hiccups...

hic... when I perform for
a big producer... hic.

What are you talking about?
This is the

first time we ever performed
for a big producer.

Well, it's a hundred perc...
ent so far. Hic!

Come on.

Oh, we've got to find that group!

I've called the booking agents,

every disc jockey in Hollywood,
and the recording company.

The hospital?

You don't think we'd find
them in a hospital?

No, that's for you if you
don't find them.

Good, I need the rest.

Hic!

Listen, I'll get rid of your hiccups.

Now, just imagine you're
in some far off place,

and you're on the rolling high seas,
and you're heading for Madagascar.

Hey, he's turning green.

Hey, Peter, what's the matter?

I'm seasick. Hic.

Seasick?

What's happening, Chomsky?

I checked with the talent scouts,
the movie and TV studios,

all the discotheques,
and still no luck.

Ha! I'll find that group myself.

When I want an idiot to do a job,
I'll do it myself. Idiot.

Hic! Hic! Hic!

Now, forget it, Pete. Now, listen.
You're a thousand miles away,

it's springtime, and it's
a field of new mown hay.

Oh, he's changing color.

Ah, achoo! Hay fever.

Hay fever?

Pardon me, gents.

Six, hic, eight, hic,
ten, hic, twelve, hic...

When he hits twenty-eight,
kid, you better sell fast.

...hic, twenty, hic... hic...
twenty, hic, twenty-two, hic...

Did Hubbell Benson, a big man
with polka dots come past here?

Polka dots? Yeah,
he just went out that way.

...twenty-eight, hic...

Better sell fast, kid. Mr. Benson!

Hey, that guy must have
been Hubbell Benson!

Hubbell... hey, my hiccups are gone.

Yeah, so's our chance for an audition.

Maybe we can still catch him.
Come on, let's go.

Sure you're alright?

Oh, it's, it's nothing.
Some kids tried to stop

me getting into my car,
but I shook 'em off.

Sure did.

Probably a bunch of autograph hounds.

Now, the important thing is you've
got to find me that singing group.

You've come to the right
place, Mr. Benson.

We'll find your group for you.
Finding things is our business.

I'll take down all the details,
and, uh, just, if I can find...

what I'm looking... P... P, P...
No, maybe it's in D. Huh? Uh-uh. Not there.

- What are you looking for?
- Huh?

I said, what are you looking for?

Oh, uh, uh, a pencil.
I had it here just a second ago.

It just couldn't disappear, could it?

We almost had him that time, fellas.

He does wear out of sight clothes.

You know, I still say the only
way we're gonna get in

there for an audition is to just
go right up and just, just see him.

You say you know Mr. Benson?

Know him?
Why, he cured my hiccups!

Your hiccups?

Sure, see. Hic!
Like that. Hic, hic, hic.

Thirty-five, hic, thirty-seven...

Hic! Hic! Hic!

Oh, well. Man, there's only
one way to get rid of hiccups.

What's that?

Scare it out of him.

Bleh!

Hic! Hic! Hic!

It didn't help much.

Hic! Hic! Hic! Hic! Hic!

He's worse than before.

Hic! Hic! Hic!

You're alright with the
hangnails there, Tilda.

Still nothing, Mr. Benson.

Easy on the half-moons, Tilda.

More newsmen outside. They want
to know if there's any truth

to the rumor that you can't find
a certain rock and roll group.

Hold it.

Okay.

What's wrong with me?

Well, you're rude, irritable,
impatient, mean, ugly...

I've got the greatest little publicity

gimmick to promote my new show,
and I don't use it.

- ...but not very nice, very stingy, and...
- Easy on the half-moons, Tilda, easy.

Ooh, easy, big fella.

Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

If we can't get in to see Benson,
uh, in person...

- Yeah, right.
- ...we'll phone it in.

- Right.
- Alright.

That's the story, boys. I want to
star 'em, but I can't find 'em.

That's quite a story. The mystery group
and the half a million dollar contract.

You better make that a million dollars;
it's going to be an hour show.

Easy on the half-moons, Tilda.

Uh, hello, can I speak
to Mr. Benson, please?

Hello, Mr. Benson?

Know that something very strange
Is happening to my brain.

I'm either feeling very good
Or else I am insane.

The seeds of doubt you planted
Have started to grow wild

But feel that I must yield before
The wisdom of a child

And it's love...
Hello?

- Mr. Babson's office.
- Mr. Benson...

Mr. Babson's office.

No, I wanted Hubbell Benson.

Oh, uh-huh. Hey, um,
I'm sorry. Wrong number.

Here, let me try. Hey.

Door!

Mr. Benson, there's a
Mr. Jones on the phone.

He says it's urgent.

Ah, yes. Excuse me, fellas.

That's probably Byron Jones
in the New York office.

He's always got something urgent.
Alright, Jonesy, start talking.

Easy on the half-moons there.

Shh!

Know that something very strange
Is happening to my brain.

I'm either feeling very good
Or else I am insane.

The seeds of doubt you planted
Have started to grow wild

But feel that I must yield before
The wisdom of a child

And it's love you bring,
No that I can't deny,

With your wings,
I can learn to fly,

Sweet young thing.

That will be ten cents, please,
for the next three minutes.

Got any money?

No, uh, Micky, have you got any?

Got any money?
Oh, thank you.

Well, hello?

Mr. Benson? How did you like that?
Mr. Benson? Hello? Operator?

Hello, may I help you, sir?

Oh, yeah, uh, we're musicians,
and we're rehearsing...

I mean, um, we're, we're
auditioning in a phone booth,

and we got cut off.
What we gonna do now?

Do you know "Melancholy Baby"?

Oh, that's very funny, yeah.

Okay, mate.
The phone booth's yours.

Hit me.

Twenty-one, you lose.

What's happening in
the morning papers, Peter?

Lil' Abner, Peanuts. Oh h* h*,
say, this is funny.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
This little guy hits the big guy

over the head with a club,
and the big guy hits

the little guy in the jaw.
h* h* h* h* h*.

What comic strip is that?

What, comic strip?
This is the editorial page.

You're insane.
You're out of your mind.

Hey, look at that.
Hey, fellas. Did you see this?

"TV executive hunts mystery group."

What does it say about it?

It says Hubbell Benson, uh,
blah-blah blah-blah blah blah blah-blah,

and they don't know who they are.
He's out trying to find them.

Man, that's justice for ya; here
we are trying to get in to see him,

and he's out trying to find another
group that isn't even trying.

And to top it off, he doesn't
even know who they are.

Well, if he doesn't know who
they are, why don't we be them?

Oh, come on, Peter. We don't
even know what they sound like.

Well, how many different kinds
of groups are there?

No heartaches felt, no longer lonely
Nights of waiting finally won me

Happiness that’s all rolled up in you

And now with you as inspiration
I look toward a destination

Sunny, bright that
once before was blue

I have no more than I did before
But now I’ve got all that I need

For I love you,
and I know you love me

So take my hand, I’ll start my journey

Free from all the
helpless worry

That besets a man
when he’s alone

For strength is mine
when we’re together

And with you, I know I’ll never
Have to pass the high road for the low

I have no more
than I did before

But now I’ve got
all that I need

For I love you,
and I know you love me

“Play, Magic Fingers!”

“Yee haw!”

“Oh, pick it, Luther!”

I have no more
than I did before

But now I’ve got
all that I need

For I love you,
and I know you love me

Yes, I love you,
and I know you love me

Something wrong, Mr. Benson?

I give up. I'm tired of looking
for that mystery group.

What do you say we audition the
crowd we sent out the invitations to?

Maybe there's something. Maybe.

Right away, sir.

The first three groups
are here, Mr. Benson.

Well, bring in the first one.

Yes, sir. Okay, fellas.
Jolly Green Giants first.

Yo h* h*!

Alright, boys, let's
hear what you can do.

Chomsky, let's record this.

Yes, sir. Here we go.

Not again, Chomsky!

That's The Monkees.

You know that group?

Sure, The Monkees, a no style group.
They live at the beach.

The beach? That's the group I want.
Chomsky, get ready.

Catch the phone book.

We're off to the beach
to find The Monkees.

But, Mr. Benson,
we're as good as they are!

h* h* h*!

Hey, what's that terrible racket?

Terrible racket?
Man, it's your playing.

Oh, come off it.

Sounds more like the Foreign Agents.

No, no, it sounds
like the Four Martians.

You know what it sounds like?

- What?
- Yo h* h*!

Sounds like the Jolly Green Giants.

Hey, it's Mr. Benson!

Say you're the Monkees.

What? Can you speak into this?

I said, "Say you're the Monkees".

Oh, we're the Monkees,
we're the Monkees.

Oh, eureka!

No, we're American.

We've been looking everywhere for you.

What'd you say, what'd you say?

I said we've been
looking everywhere for you.

Oh! I thought that's
what you said. Ha ha.

Quiet! Quiet! Play, boys, play!

Okay.

Know that something very strange
Is happening to my brain.

I'm either feeling very good
Or else I am insane.

The seeds of doubt you planted
Have started to grow wild

But feel that I must yield before
The wisdom of a child

And it's love you bring...

Hold it, hold it. That's the sound.
That's the sound, boys.

You're gonna be the
stars of my new TV show.

Why, within one month,
you won't be able to turn on a

television or radio set
without hearing you

play my theme song.
How does it go, Miss Chomsky?

La la-la la-la, la-la la la-la la-la,
la la-la la-la la.

La la-la la-la, la la-la la-la,
la la-la la la-la!

That's it! That's the sound!
Irene Chomsky, I never knew.

Right under my own nose.
Why, what's wrong with me?

Well, you're rude, impolite, cheap,
absolute unpalatable...

Miss Chomsky, you're the
star of my new show.

...terribly rude, mean, ugly,

and furthermore, cheap, very cheap!

You know, I really feel bad about
blowing that big chance, man.

Don't worry about it, Peter;
we all felt bad.

Yeah, but I felt so blue,
I wanted to do something silly, like...

forget show business and go
to the South Seas or something.

No kidding.

Then, after all,
I thought to myself, so what?

So we lost a hundred dollar job.

A hundred dollar a week? Peter, stars
make more than a hundred dollars a week.

They do?

Sure they do.

How much do they make?

Oh, I don't know. Some might make as
high as five thousand dollars a week.

Five thousand, five thousand dollars?

Don't you worry, Peter;
one of these days,

we'll get our break.
Peter? Hey, Peter?

He's gone!

He's gone!

Well, he's about, uh, uh, five ten.

Has light brown hair.

Yeah, and he cries a lot.

Has hiccups.

Yeah, hay fever.

And he gets very seasick, but he still
may be heading for the South Seas.

Oh, okay. I had a pencil here somewhere.

Oh, a pencil.

Hey, fellas, uh, we do a lot of pictures
that have fights in it and,

uh, gangsters and everything.

Do you ever get into
fights yourselves?

We had an incident in Hawaii where
somebody, uh, remarked about my hair.

About your what?

- My hair. Being long, you know?
- Yeah.

And there was like ten big
guys and little old me.

Are you sensitive about that?

Um, I'm not sensitive, it...
you know, if it's, like,

you know, in jest, somebody laughs
and says, you know,

just one thing, but if they carry
on about it, it makes me mad.

If you went into a restaurant,
uh, they, you know,

refuse to wait on you because
of your hair or something like that,

you know, are you quick to strike back?

I invoke my Constitutional rights.

Ha ha. What do you do?
You leave.

No, I go...I invoke the Civil Rights Act.

There's been a lot of talk about the riots
that have been going on on Sunset Strip.

There was a riot. You know,
there was a lot of vandalism.

There haven't really been riots.
They've been..

ac... in actuality, since
I, since I was there,

they've been demonstrations.

And, uh, but I guess lot of p...
a lot of people and, uh,

journalists don't know how
to spell "demonstration"...

What are they dem...
what are they demonstrating?

...so they use "riot" 'cause
it only has four letters.

First, tell me a little
bit, what, quickly,

what are the demonstrations
and who's taking place in them?

Well, it's mostly the kids,
um, that are, uh,

from the ages of around fifteen to,
I'd say, twenty or twenty-one.

Uh, under eighteen, it's a
California law that,

uh, you're not able to go
into a teenage nightclub,

uh, that sells alcoholic beverage.

There's a ten o'clock curfew imposed
on these young people that, uh, uh,

regardless of whether it's, uh,
a good thing or a bad thing,

uh, they still don't like it.

I think it probably has a lot to
do with the fact that, uh, uh,

of somebody telling them they
have to be in by ten o'clock.

Um, that's sort of the same thing as
saying that they have to cut their hair.

You know, I mean, it's,
it's against the law to tell

somebody they can do that,
which puzzles me.

Would you like to see all the kids in the
country wearing hair like yours?

I would like to see all
the kids in the country

wearing their hair like
they'd like to wear it.

How do you fellas, how... Micky,
how do you feel about that?

Exactly. Exactly.

I'm with you.
I'm with you.

And when it first happened,
there was a few comments made.

One by the, the sheriff
of Los Angeles.

He said that the curfew
should be abolished.

He says take the babysitting job out
of the hands of the police,

put it in the hands of the parents.

If the parents think their kids can
be out after ten, they should be out.

Most everybody that was
there says that the

vandalism was caused by
kids in their very late,

like eighteen, nineteen, twenty,
and twenty-one, like that age kid.

The only people representing the
kids are the kids themselves...

- And I...
- But they're not there.

...and nobody listens to kids talking
for kids because kids are only kids,

you know, and they go through this
vicious cycle... authority does.

I'm being very general 'cause I don't
want to like call names or anything.

The reason I haven't
spoken all this time

is because that it
doesn't matter what I say,

nobody'll listen to me
because I'm under twenty-one.

So I'm just keeping my mouth shut.