01x21 - The Prince and the Paupers

[bunniefuu]

This is ridiculous to come
down here just because

we read in the paper they
may hold an embassy ball.

Look, will you please cool it?

Man, we haven't played a gig
in as long as we haven't,

you gotta take every
lead you can get.

A-ha! What are you doing here?

The count has been looking
everywhere for you.

- Oh, he has?
- Come!

Well, well, wait a minute-

The count is waiting.

Oh.

- Davy.
- Davy. Uh.

I found him in the
anteroom, Count Myron.

My dear boy, what are you doing
in those bizarre clothes?

Really, now, you are getting
most to be most eccentric.

Now, look, uh,
I-I don't really understand,

you see, you see, Mike read in the
paper that you, that you were, um-

Hi.

It's like The Prince and the Pauper.

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

Hey, you're my double.

Oh, oh, yes, I-I can see my mistake.
Alright, young man: out!

No. I will speak to this young
man alone, Count Myron.

As you wish, sire.

- Hi.
- Hi.

What are you doing in America?

I-I-I've come to your country
to-to try and find a bride.

U-under the terms of my
nation's constitution,

if I'm still unwed by
my eighteenth birthday,

uh, my throne passes
to Count Myron.

That sounds crazy to me.

I know; that's-that's what
I told the producers.

Well, it shouldn't be hard for
you to find a girl to marry.

After all, you're a prince;
you've got wealth and position.

Yes, but I'm so shy.
I have no character.

I used to think I was so deep,
but-but now I know, deep down, I'm shallow.

So far, our plan to keep the
young prince single works well.

In another month,
I shall have the throne.

While the people
admire me, love me,

and esteem me, they do
not trust me. En garde!

I see.

Now, it has to be done in
accordance with our constitution;

we must keep Ludlow
away from all women,

and the few that will slip
through our net will be

driven off by the prince's shyness.

Ha ha ha.

En garde! Now, in a few minutes,

Miss Wendy Forsythe will
arrive to meet the prince.

Somehow, she took a liking to
him while they met on the Riviera.

But, sire, they might marry!

I don't think so. I told her
that he was sly, malicious,

a pathological liar, and a sadist.

Yes, but what did you tell
her was wrong with him?

En garde!

But you're a great guy, Ludlow.

You're witty, you're handsome,
and you're tall.

Hey, here he is.

No, there he is.

No, there-

Haven't I seen you someplace before?

In my mirror, Peter.

Ludlow's got to get married
within the next month

or else he loses the throne.
And he's afraid of girls.

Uh, announcing the arrival of
Miss Wendy Forsythe to see his highness.

Wait! Tell her to wait!

I can't face her!
I'm going to faint!

You oughta do that;
you'll feel better. Ha ha.

Hey, uh, Davy, why
don't you, uh, like,

pretend you're him and talk
to the chick yourself?

Hey, now, wait a minute.

Oh, would you?

It's a good idea!

Now, look; I can't go around
impersonating a prince!

I don't even know the girl;
she'll see through me in a minute.

Come on, Davy, you know you're
Mr. Charm when it comes to girls.

Oh, really, girls find
him very sweet.

He makes their teeth decay.

Get in the closet.

Come on.

Okay, send her in!

Miss Wendy Forsythe.

Pete, look at this.

Groovy. Hey, Mike,
have a look at this.

I-I came to tell you that
I don't think I can see you again.

Oh, you must be Cindy.

Wendy.

Wendy. Oh, that's what I said.

Hey, come here, Ludlow, look.

Wendy, I'd like to
know all about you.

I'd like to know
where you were born,

and what you were like when
you were a little girl,

you know, things like that, you know.

Well, I was born in
New York on Park Avenue,

but when I was sixteen,

I ran away and took an
apartment in Greenwich Village.

Ooh!

Hey, I'm doing alright.

Yeah, I knew you could do it.

Ha ha. You know, if van
Gogh had a girl like you,

he'd still have both his ears.

May I see you again, your highness?

Oh, call me "high".
Course you can, any time.

I'll make it a royal decree.
Decree? Is that it, decree? Ha ha!

Goodbye, your highness.

Hey, you did it, man!
Had her eating out of your hand!

I didn't see that part.

I have a great favor to
ask of you, Davy Jones.

What? Are you kidding me?
He wants me to substitute

for him for the next few days.
You must be out of your mind!

Ah, come on, Davy; you could
do it. You really could.

Sure you could!

But he wants me to convince
the girl to marry him.

You must be out of your mind!

Oh, come on, Davy. Ludlow's in
a jam, and you could help him out.

But running a country even for
a few days takes a man of peculiar talents.

Well, you have some of the
most peculiar talents I've ever seen.

Well, what do you say, Mr. Jones?

Heh heh heh heh heh.

But, sire, I am trying to tell you.

I peeked into the throne room
a moment ago to see how ridiculous

the prince was making himself
with that girl, and he wasn't!

She likes him. I know, sire,
but can we depend on the

prince's shyness to keep
him unmarried another month?

Yes. Yes, sire.

Yes, I am sure our
plan will not miscarry.

You will rule Peruvia,
but you must listen to me!

He is not as shy as we thought.

Oh, comb your hair. Oh, you're
so beautiful today, prince.

Heads up, heads up!

Should be a king, you really should.

Will you knock it off?!

I don't know how I get
myself into these things.

Hey, Prince Ludlow, is
it possible the count

might be trying to keep
you from getting married?

But-but, the count is a fine man;

he's generous, and he's loyal,
and he's-he's kind-hearted.

Yeah, well, I'm hip; that's
why I don't trust him.

Look, uh, I'm gonna stay here;

you guys can split back to
the pad with the prince.

Right, we'll stay with the prince!

Right.

Right. Listen, while Davy is
winning the girl for you,

you're gonna come back with us,

and you're gonna learn how to
act after you got her. Huh?

Right, I'll teach ya everything I know.

Maybe I'd better stay here.

Hey, don't forget to free the serfs.

Ha ha ha ha ha.
Very funny.

You know, this is okay, but
who am I gonna tell 'em you are?

Well, whatever's right.

Shh!

Uh, what it it?

Uh, your highness,

I have some information for
you that will be very useful:

information about treason.

For one thousand dollars,
you will remember me all your life.

Well, that is the most
nauseating proposition I ever heard!

But I don't have a thousand dollars.

Yeah.

Those are the breaks.

I'm getting out of here!
I didn't count on any palace intrigues!

I came here to win a girl,
and I'll probably end up getting k*lled.

Well, look, Davy, nobody's
gonna k*ll anybody.

You got a promise you
gotta keep to Ludlow!

Alright, I'll do it. I'll go in there,

I'll substitute for Ludlow,
I'll win the girl,

and I'll probably
end up getting k*lled.

Well, that's nice.

Give me that!

Get off!

When I go through this door,

I'll be the Prince of Peruvia.

Good luck.

Heh. Wrong door.

I-I'm very, very hungry.
Is-is there anything to eat in there?

Well, there's some, uh,
Limburger cheese and a can of

sardines and some liverwurst
that's been here for two weeks;

what'll I open first?

How about the window?

Okay, Ludlow, now,
you got the girl here,

you like her, and she likes you.

Now, you gotta get
acquainted, right?

You may kiss my hand.

Uh, you may kiss my ring.

Where did you get this note?

The Forsythe girl asked me
to deliver it to the prince.

"My dearest Ludlow, I fear
I am falling in love with you:

your flashing eyes, your ready
wit, your charm and grace."

She forgot his character.

We must k*ll the prince.

This afternoon, when you give
the prince his dueling lesson...

Poison?

Well, it ain't French dressing.
Heh heh heh heh!

And-and then, Gloria,
my-my Uncle Charles

the Fourth married my
Aunt Louisa the Second,

and-and they had a son
who was Edward the Ninth.

Hey, it's after six, and
Davy was supposed to call.

You don't think anything happened?

No, we would've heard if
anything had happened to him.

Yeah, I suppose so.

Still, does he have
any identification?

Yeah, he has a birthmark.

Does it have his address on it?

Give me that!

Hey, come on! I'm famished;
I haven't eaten since breakfast.

Heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Heh, come on, give it me!

Prince Ludlow, when you are ready
for your fencing lesson, we will begin.

Oh, don't worry; I was
quite a fencer at school.

I'll tell you what
we're gonna do, Max.

Like Cyrano, I'll compose
a poem as I duel,

and on the last line,
I'll get ya. En garde!

The boy stood on the burning deck
He didn't think he oughta

He took his shoes and stockings off
And his feet were in the water Longfellow.

Oh, thank you very much.
I'll take this one.

Are you ready, Max?
Let's try it again. En garde!

Eh, you will forgive me,
your highness, but, uh,

I have some urgent business
to attend to. Your highness.

Now, what was wrong with him?

I wasn't gonna hurt him.
I was just gonna go up to him.

I was gonna stick him.

You know, Count Myron is very
uptight about this whole thing.

We gotta act very fast. Uh, you
know what to do when Wendy gets here?

Miss, uh, Wendy Forsythe.

Miss Forsythe, uh, I mean,
Wendy, will you marry me?

Ooh, that's fast!

Oh, shut up!

Why, yes! Oh, yes, I will!

Uh, go get the c-uh, go find,
um, um-summon the count!

Ludlow, I'm so happy. There's
no one in the world like you.

I wouldn't be too sure about that.

Heh heh, shut up, Mike.

Count Myron, Miss Forsythe and
I wish to be married at once.

The reception will be held at
the embassy this evening.

Now, if you have no further questions,

please get out of here and see to it.

Ooh!

Hello, hello, hello?
Yes, can you-I said,

can you get-can you
please get me-can you

get me Micky Dolenz,
please? Hey, Micky?

This is Mike.
Yeah, look, uh,

get Ludlow ready about eight
o'clock tonight and get him down here.

Uh, no, nothing special;

he's just gonna get married.
Okay, buddy. Bye.

Your sash is crooked.

You're not my real mother!

Will you please relax, man?
You're not the one getting married.

Yeah, but suppose Ludlow
doesn't show up on time;

I might end up marrying a beautiful
girl and ruining a nation of millions.

Your highness?
Your highness.

Is everything ready?

Yes, absolutely everything.
Max, bring them in.

You didn't think you could
carry off this childish charade?

Throw the prince into the dungeon.

Wait! There's been something I've
been wanting to tell you for a long time,

Count Myron. You're a pompous
windbag, a funk, and a pony!

A funk and a pony?

Now, all you wretched boys will
leave this embassy and never return,

and if you say anything
about what you've seen,

you will live to regret it.

Oh, we're not going anywhere;
we're staying right here.

No way, baby! Mm-mm!

If you don't leave, then I
will be forced to have you k*lled.

Ha ha ha ha! If that's the way you
feel about it-you know a good restaurant?

Out!

And now, Max, shall we attend
to our wedding guests, hm?

Hm!

I told you: wrong door!

Ahem, may we have your
attention, please?

I have a communication
here from the prince.

He has been summoned to Peruvia
on pressing affairs of state.

Before he could even say,
"I do," he didn't.

So, I'm sorry to report the
ceremony cannot take place.

Oh, yes it can; I'm here.

Now you better keep stalling
the ceremony 'til Micky

can get Ludlow out of the dungeon.

Come, my boy; we must proceed
with the ceremony.

Mr. Jailer? Would you abandon
your prince in a moment of need?

Sooner.

Well, if you free me,
I'll give you this trinket.

It-it's been in our
family for generations.

What is it?

It's a letter of credit.

Hi there, Mr. Jailer! Hi!
Did you see Road to Morocco?

- No.
- Oh. Let's try it.

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man
Bake me a cake as fast as you-

Come on!
Come on!

And so I say, if any man
among us has any reason

that these two should not be
joined in holy matrimony,

let him speak now or
forever hold his peace.

Hold it! Hold it just
a minute! Hold it!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
I have a, I have a reason.

I'm kind of an honest and
straight-forward guy,

and-and you ask, you ask me,
you ask me if I have a reason?

Well, I don't, I don't see,

I don't see any sense in
beating around the bush anymore!

I do and I don't.

We will proceed
with the ceremony.

Wait! Wait! I'm the real Prince
Ludlow, and-and I'll marry the girl.

Right! Hey, baby, come on, mother, yeah!
yeah! Come on, baby.

Max, stop him!

Mary, Mary, where you goin' to?

Mary, Mary, can I go too?

This one thing I will vow ya

I'd rather die than to live without ya

Mary, Mary, where you goin' to?

Mary, Mary, tell me truly

What did I do to make you leave me?

Whatever it was
I didn't mean to

You know I never
would try and hurt ya

Mary, Mary, where you goin' to?

What more, Mary, can I do

To prove that my love is truly yours?

I've done more now than
a clear-thinkin' man would do

Mary, Mary, it's not over

Where you go, I will follow

Till I win your love again

And walk beside you, but until then

Mary, Mary,
where you goin' to?

Mary, Mary, where you goin' to?

Mary, where you goin' to?

Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary,
Mary, where you goin' to?

Arrest those men!

Come on! Move out, big fella!
Alright now, say bye-bye!

- Bye-bye!
- Not you!

Do you think she'll be
alright with Ludlow?

After all, it was me she
was in love with.

Well, I'll tell you, Davy.

You know,there was a wise old man,
lived about five thousand years ago.

Really?

His name Ling-Fu Yang.

Oh.

And he once said, he said,

"If apple seed turns to wing,
it'll fly away a beautiful butterfly.

But if a butterfly
turns into apple seed,

it'll just lay there on the ground."

That's what Ling-Fu Yang
said five thousand years ago.

Oh, really?
What does that mean?

I just don't have any idea.

Oh.

Hey, that Ludlow's doing alright.

You know, I can tell who's gonna
wear the pants in that family.

With a figure like
Wendy's, I hope it's her.

Heh heh heh.

Hey, uh, Dave, look at this.

Dave? Uh, look at this.

Hey. Hey! You're not hung
up on that chick, are you?

What? Are you joking?

I wasn't cut out to
lead a double life;

I can't even lead a single one.

No, of course not. Hey, look at this,

it says she's, uh, going to, uh,

the University of Peruvia to
work on her doctor's thesis.

Why can't her doctor work
on his own thesis?

I don't care what you say;

I still think you were
hung up on that girl,

and I know that it's a drag
for her to run off with Ludlow,

but, um, everything doesn't
go alright all the time, so,

you know, what can you do?

Excuse me, I'm from the
Teen Tale magazine,

and I'm looking for The Monkees.

Oh, really?

Yeah, uh, why don't
you come in?