01x28 - Monkees on the Line

[bunniefuu]

Mr. Babbit, this is the
most ridiculous thing

I've ever heard of.
We have not planted poison ivy shrubs!

According to my informants,
Mr. Nesmith-

What is this, violation of the
housing code seven sixteen:

ill*gal storage of
inflammable material.

Well, I'm sorry, but Mr. Schneider
is not firewood; he's our dummy!

A mere technicality.

Well, it's not to him.

I think you're making all this up!

Yeah, you just want an excuse
to make us pay our rent.

Yeah, I'm pretty unreasonable
about things like that.

Hey, look here, look. We got a seven day
extension in this lease. Now, in some-

Boys, there's no sense in arguing.

The new tenant will be
here in about one hour.

New tenant?

A delightful woman.

You can introduce yourselves
on the way out.

Ha ha h* h* h* h*!
Out!

No!

Yes, out!

Please, no!

Yes, out!

Please, no!

To make it clear, get out.

Hey, I think he means it.
What are we gonna do?

I don't know, man.
Gonna have to do something.

Oh, he's putting us on.
There's no new tenant.

Well, Louis, we're here.
How do ya like it, Merton? Huh?

Aw. Merton doesn't travel well.

Oh, d-don't, don't get up.
Finish convalescing.

I can teach my bags to
walk in by themselves.

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

Not bad, huh, Louis?
A little linoleum on the floors,

some chintz here and
there, a few doilies.

Uh, miss, ma'am, excuse me,

I think there's been
a little mistake here.

- Who did this?
- Did what?

Who made this dust,
this filth? You?

What's today?

Huh? Uh, Monday.

Monday? Uh, it's Peter. Peter
puts the filth out on Mondays.

It was nothing.

You're fired.

From now on,
he sets the table.

Uh, uh, just a minute,
Mrs. um, Mrs.-

- Yuck!
- Yuck? Listen-

No, Rudnick. Milly Rudnick.

But I'm not a formal person;
you can call me Milly.

Now listen here, Mil-

That doesn't mean you
can step all over me.

My dear Herman,
may he rest in peace,

would die if he knew that
somebody stepped all over me.

When did he eat last?
He looks terrible.

Now. We must observe some rules.
We're all grown up people, here.

We mustn't make a fuss
about going to sleep,

and food should not be
eaten with the fingers.

Um, the fingers should
be eaten separately.

Don't be a Mr. Mouth.

Joke.

Now, what do you boys
do for a living?

We look for work.

Huh. We're musicians.

- Musicians?
- Yeah.

Oh, that's wonderful!
I love music!

Great.

Which one of you plays the violin?

Look, she's a terror!

Right!

And she's gotta be stopped!

Right!

Well, somebody's gotta tell her!

Right!

Well, who's gonna tell her?

You!

Go, go!

Um, Milly, listen, uh, we'd
like to have a talk with you.

Yes?

You know, the way we see it, Milly
we're living here, and we feel that-

So live!
Who's stopping you from living?

You wanna stay, stay.
I'm not an unreasonable person.

- Oh, that's great.
- That's good.

I've had boarders before.

Boarders?!

Oh, man! We gotta do something!
We need to change our course of action.

- Right!
- Huh.

Oh, excuse me, Louis.
There's somebody at the door.

Da da dum, da da da.
Da doo da. Yes?

How do you do, ma'am, is
this the, uh, house of Rudnick?

Well, not yet, but when
my furniture arrives-

Well, it's here. It's on the truck.
I'm the moving man.

Oh, that's wonderful!

Look, we just gotta be firm.
Just-

- Yeah!
- Right.

Just, wuh, be firm.

- Firm. Firm right up.
- I'll start unloading, huh?

Yeah, well, just a minute.
Boys! Oh, boys! Boys?

Boys? I wondered if you
could help this nice man out.

Nice man, wh-what nice man?

Help me with my furniture.

- Furniture?!
- We're musicians!

I can't move furniture!
My hands!

Oh boy.
That was a tough one.

Thank you, Larry.
You did a nice job.

Well, I had a little help.

My arms, I can't move my arms.

I can't move your arms either.

Larry, I'd like to give
you a little something.

Ah, no, Mrs. Rudnick,
I couldn't accept any money.

What money? I want you to have
a piece of my homemade cheesecake.

Let's go. I'll race you
to the door. Okay?

Yeah right, ready?

- Here? Go.
- Go. Uh.

Gee, man, you won.
Huh huh.

Oh, such a good boy, my Micky.

Mike!

Mike, Micky, what's
the difference?

You're all good boys.

Oh, look how this one cleans.
A regular Picasso of grit.

Would you please not do that?
I just cleaned that!

Oh, and so conscientious.

This isn't the first time
you've helped around the house.

No, it isn't the first time.

You know what it means,
responsibility, huh?

Well, we, we had kind of
a large family, you know.

And little money. That's not
a happy combination, Mike.

Well, we, we made out alright.

Sure. With a little
help from Mr. Nesmith.

Mike.

For you, I've got to
make something special.

Something...
what can Milly do for you?

Make me a success.

Well, how do you do that?

Well, I don't, I don't know.

With a couple of hit records,
or, or shot on a television show.

Tell me, Mike, what good is
success if you catch a cold?

I'll make you a sweater!

Oh-

Now, let me measure you.
Come on. Let me see.

That's it. Sleeve. Turn around,
turn around, please. That's it.

Micky? Micky? Micky, you
gonna get dirty under there?

Milly, I'm fixing a car;
have a heart.

Well, what about the leaky faucet?
That doesn't interest you?

There's a leaky faucet?

Don't rush, ha. We'll drink
sea water 'til you're ready.

Ha ha. Oh, look at you.
Look at you.

What if somebody should
come over for a visit?

They'll think it's a zoo.

Okay, Milly.
I'll fix it now.

- Micky?
- Yeah?

You don't mind, do ya?

No, I don't mind, Milly.

That was great, Milly.
It was a gourmet feast.

You think Eydie Gorme
could cook like this?

Hey, Milly, that
was great, thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot, Milly.

Davy, you're an English boy?

That's right, Milly.

You know Rex Harrison?

No, I haven't had the pleasure yet.

How come?
He's an English boy too.

Maybe he's avoiding me.

That's alright. Don't apologize.
Some people don't make friends so easily.

Now me? I knew everybody in the
neighborhood. Hello, Linda! Hiya, Lou!

I'd call her from the window
when I get home from shopping.

Ah. That was a neighborhood.
We'd call her from the street.

So why'd you move?

Nobody called back.

I woulda called back, Milly.

You're a good boy, Davy.

You like music, Milly?

I told ya, I love music. What you
kids played today, that's not music.

"Anniversary Waltz", that's music.

We don't know that one,
but this is something else,

and I-I think you're
gonna like this one.

Sometime in the morning

A simple thought may occur to you

And you hold her,

And tell her all the
things you never told her

Your love has shown me things

I never thought
I could see

I didn't know
[I didn't know]

It could be done so
easily now I know

[now I know]

You're where it is for me

Sometime in the evening

You're sitting there by the fireside

And she'll touch you

And you'll realize how much

you never knew before,

How much you couldn't see

You didn't know
[you didn't know]

It could be done so
easily now you know

[now I know]

She's all a girl could be

Now in her childlike eyes

You see the beauty there

You know it was always there

And you need no
longer wear a disguise

Sometime in the morning

You'll just reach out
and she will be there,

Close as the summer air

Sometime in the morning
[she will be there]

she will be there

Sometime in the morning
[she will be there]

she will be there

Thank you, boys.

What is this called?

This is what it called.

Southeast Asia.

[cheering]

- Okay.
- Yoo hoo, boys!

Milly's home!
We got company!

Oh boy, company.

Boys, look what I got!
I found her at the supermarket.

I don't know where we're gonna put her;
there's no room in the refrigerator.

Listen, fellas, I want
you to meet Clarisse Rawlings.

Delighted.

Davy, Clarisse is English,
and she's not married yet.

Well, it's only two
o'clock in the afternoon;

she's still got time.

Mr. Jones, I'm shaking all over meeting
such a close friend of Rex Harrison's.

Oh!

Do you really know Rex Harrison?

No.

Actually, I don't care.

I'm no good for you, you know.

I don't care.

Terrible temper.

I don't care.

I wander.

I don't care.

Cruel too.

I don't care.

I love you, Clarisse!

I don't care.

Good thing about blondes,
they sure don't care, do they?

Not Clarisse.

I'm sorry, no more vacancies.

- Alright, children.
- Alright, darling.

Ready... aim...

Milly, Milly, Milly, Milly!

Oh! If it isn't sister Judy!
Arthur!

Milly!

Alice! Mark! Adam! Michelle!

Mike, Micky, Peter, Davy.
Clarisse, Merton, Louis.

Oh, Milly, how are ya,
haven't seen you since

I don't know when.
How's Herman?

Herman? Herman's
been dead for ten years.

Uh-huh. Well, uh, how's
Merton and how's Louie?

Mrs. Rudnick?

Larry!

I was wondering, uh, could
I have a little more cheesecake?

Nice to see you again, Larry.

It's nice to be back. Ha ha.

[mumbles]

Yes?

[mumbles]

Alice, sweetheart, loosen his gag,
I can't hear what he's saying.

No, daddy, he's my prisoner!

Okay, honey, cookie.
You make him talk.

Talk!

[mumbles]
Talk!

Alright, what's going on here?

Hi, Mr. Babbit!

Will you stop-

How do you like the cheesecake?

I like the cheesecake; that's why
I came back, for more cheesecake.

Ah!

Stop this! What's going on here?
What, will ya-whose kids are these?

They're my kids!

These are monsters! They're
about to destroy everything!

They are not, they're my kids!

I don't want cheesecake, even if
I liked cheesecake, I wouldn't-

Hot dogs!

No, no! No popcorn, no nothing!

- I don't care!
- Popcorn!

I don't care! I don't care!

I don't care either, baby!
Peanuts!

- Talk!
- [mumbles]

- Talk!
- [mumbles]

Come on, hurry up,
go down the beach.

That's it, Adam,
Clarisse, come on.

Ha ha ha. Larry.
Ha ha ha ha.

Come on-boys! Boys!
Come on, boys!

We're going down the beach!
Come on!

[mumbling]

Zooooom!

Chew carefully. How you gonna be
president if you don't chew carefully?

I don't wanna be president.

Shh, don't talk with your mouth full.

Man, I'm telling you,
we have been conned.

They don't even want
her to leave anymore.

They're getting just like her.

It's only been three days,

and just look at 'em.
Look at 'em!

You're right; this is no life for us.

It's no life for Milly either.

We've got to find a way out
of this for all of us.

A way out? Man,
there isn't any way out.

We might as well be married to her.

That's it! A husband!

What?

We'll find her a husband.

That's what she needs,
that's what she wants.

Where in the world are you gonna
get a husband for Milly?

Hello? Anybody home?

Hey, it's Larry the moving man.

It's worth a try.

Hello? Anybody home?

- Hi, Larry.
- Hi fellas.

Hey Larry.

I forgot to unload this
lamp the other day.

Oh, yes, so you did, look,
I'm glad to see you, man.

Why don't you come
on in and sit down,

- make yourself at home.
- Oh, come on in, man.

Oh look, thanks, fellas,
but I gotta get home.

Little woman expects me.

Little woman?
Are you married?

No, I live with my mother;
she's very small.

Oh. Why don't you sit down?
Make yourself at home.

Hey, why don't you
stay for dinner?

Do I look alright, fellas? Huh?

You look great, you look great.

D-d-do I look alright?

You look great.

Just repeat after me:

Milly, your eyes are like cupcakes
floating in a sea of sour cream.

Your eyes are like cupcakes
floating in a sea of sour cream?

Listen, he lives with his mother,
he should go home.

Sh-she might be worried.

Oh no-

I don't know, fellas, what does
she want with a guy like me?

Hey, listen, don't worry, man,
she'll find something to do with ya.

Uh, you drive him to distraction.
He has to be with you. He told us.

He said that?

She's crazy about you, Larry!
You drive her to distraction!

She said that?

So, as I was saying, I said, Greta,

why do you take the pills
for the liver when

it's the pain in the kidney
that gives you the headache?

Ya.

Buy you know Greta,
she wouldn't listen.

No. Wouldn't listen.

Mm-hm.

-wash the dishes?

Wash them, wash them, wash them,

rough hands, red, rough hands.

- Another one.
- Another one.

Don't do that.

How's it going, Peter?

Heartburn.
She's up to heartburn.

So naturally I warned her.

Marilyn, I said, you can't
drink water in bed

when you have the
electric blanket on.

Yeah.

It's like going to the chair!
You know.

So, after they took the cast off
her husband's leg, she decided-

Uh, Milly?

Wha?

Uh, I don't mean to
interrupt, but, uh.

Oh, I'm sorry, Larry, I've
been chatting all night.

What did you want to say?

Uh, your Herman, he must have
been a pretty great guy I guess.

I mean, the way you talk about
him all the time and all.

He was an angel.

An angel?

He was an angel, but a man.
A very, very nice man.

- Uh, Milly.
- Hm?

I'm not an angel.

But you're a nice man, Larry.

A very nice man.

Guys! Guys! Wake up!
Wake up! Look!

We did it! We made it!
It's love! Lookit! Lookit!

Really?

[cheering]

Shh!

A toast. The groom proposes
a toast. To Milly.

To my Larry.
And to my matchmakers.

Um, Mr. Nesmith?

Oh, hi, Mr. Babbit. Uh, listen,

we got the rent playing
for Milly's wedding, and-

Don't worry about that, if I've
inconvenienced you in any way.

Oh, well, no, but, there is one
little favor I'd like to ask of ya.

I'd be delighted to.
What is it?

Well, I had to, I had to watch
the kids, and, uh, you know,

I, uh, play the music,
ha ha, and I wondered if, uh,

maybe you'd do it.
For me. Watch the-

Certainly, certainly.
I love kids.

Okay. Ha ha.

Strange man.

Look out, here comes tomorrow

That's when I'll have to choose

How I wish I could borrow

Someone else's shoes

Mary, oh what a sweet girl

Lips like strawberry pie

Sandra, the long
hair and pig tails

Can't make up my mind

I see all kinds of sorrow

Wish I only loved one

Look out, here comes tomorrow

Oh, how I wish tomorrow
would never come

Told them both
that I loved them

Said it, and it was true

But I can't have both of them

Don't know what to do

I see all kinds of sorrow

Wish I only loved one

Look out, here comes tomorrow

Oh, how I wish tomorrow
would never come

Mary
I love you

Sandra
I love you

Well, I see all kinds of sorrow

Wish I only loved one

Look out, here comes tomorrow

Oh, how I wish tomorrow
would never come

I love you

Darling

I love you

Well, my darling boys,
thanks for everything.

It was nothing, Milly.
Pleasure.

It was fun.
It was great, Milly.

Now Micky, sweetie,
you wear that sweater

in the evening so you
won't catch cold.

Okay.

And Peter? Don't you get overheated
playing ping-pong all alone.

I won't.

Well, it was really a pleasure
having all you boys under my roof.

- It was really great.
- It was nice to have you.

Great, great.

And we-we'll see each
other again, I'm sure.

'Course we will.

Why-why don't you call or
something, or, or write sometime?

Well, look, I'm very bad at
letters; I'll drop over.

- Drop over?
- Wha-what?

Why not, when I only live
two doors up the block?

Yeah, I'll bring over some soup,
and we'll talk over old times.

Tonight, for instance!

Larry! Hurry, sweetheart,
it's getting late.

"Eyes like cupcakes
floating in sour cream".