02x10 - The Wild Monkees

[bunniefuu]

Sock it to me

Floatin' down the river
with a saturated liver

And I wish I could forgive her
But I do believe she meant it

When she told me to forget it
And I bet she will regret it

When they find me in the
morning wet and drowned

And the word gets 'round

Goin' down
Goin' down

Comin' up for air, it's pretty
stuffy under there there

I'd like to say I didn't care

But I forgot to leave a note
And it's so hard to stay afloat

I'm soakin' wet without a boat

And I knew I should
have taken off my shoes

It's front page news

Goin' down
Goin' down

Hey, hey
Hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

I wish I had another drink
It wouldn't be so hard to sink

I should have taken time to think
Besides I got the picture straight

She must have had another date
I didn't need this extra weight

I wish that I could
see the way to shore

I don't want no more

Goin' down, I'm goin' down

And now I see the life I led
I slept it all away in bed

I should have learned
how to swim instead

And now it's really got me stumped

I can't believe I really jumped
I'd like to get my tummy pumped

I can't believe they drink
this stuff in town

This dirty brown, goin' down

Goin' down
I'm goin' down

Goin' down, hey, hey
I'm down

Goin' down
Goin' down

Goin' down
Goin' down

Goin' down

I wished I'd looked
before I leaped

I didn't know it was so deep

Been down so far I don't get wet

I haven't touched the bottom yet

This river scene is gettin' old

I'm hungry, sleepy, wet and cold

She told me to forget it nice

I should have taken her advice

I only want to go on home

I'd gladly leave that girl alone

What a way to spend the night

If I don't drown,
I'll die of fright

My pappy taught me how to float

But I can't swim a single note

He threw me in to teach me how

I stayed there floatin'
like a mama cow

And now I've floated
way downstream

Know this has to be a dream

If I could find my way to shore

I'd never, never do this anymore

I'll give you three,
I've been down nine

I'm goin' down just one more time

Goin' down
Goin' down

Goin' down
Goin' down

I'm goin' down
Goin' down

Goin' down
Goin' down

I'm goin' down

I'm goin' back home
Back home to my friends

Back under the warm
And I can do with it, too

I'm goin' home

Now the sky is gettin' light

An everythng will be all right

Think I finally got the knack

Just floatin' here lazy on my back

I never really liked that town

I think I'll ride the river down

Just movin' slow and floatin' free

There's a river
swinging under me

Waving back to the
folks on shore

I should have thought
of this before

I'm floatin' on down
to New Orleans

And pick up on some
swingin' scenes

I'm gonna know a better day

I'm goin' down groovin'
all the way

Goin' down
Go-go-go-in' down

I'm goin' down, back, back, back
I'm goin' back, back, back home

I'm go-goin' home,
hey, hey, hey, hey

Goin' on down, hey, hey, hey, hey

Let's go
Let's go

I'm goin' back, back, back home

Down, down, down

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

Well, the map says that the turn-off to
the Henry Cabot Lodge should be right here.

Yeah, well, that's groovy. I've always
wanted to play a gig in a prairie dog hole.

I'd like to see somebody try
something like that again!

Micky, why did you have
to go and say that?

I didn't think they'd hear me!

Hey! I need some water!

Peter, go get some
water from the car.

Oh, but I have-

Don't worry about it,
just go get some water.

Uh, hold your, hold your arms up
Your hands up in the air, way up high!

Uh, what?

Hold you hands up in the air.
That better?

Not much, no.

Wait a minute, keep coughing.
Stick 'em up!

That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever seen in me life.

- You're right, man. Stupid.
- What is this, a stick-up?

No, just give him some water.

[noises]

Where did you, where did,
[coughs] where did you, [coughs]

where did you get that water?

From the car, like Micky said.

Where in the car?

From the radiator?

Oh, Micky. Don't worry. Listen, it's a

good job he didn't get
it from the petrol tank-

That's what I meant,
the petrol tank.

- Hey, a sign!
- What? Oh.

Well, look at that: "Henry
Cabot Lodge and Cemetery.

If you're dying to have
a good time, see us."

Well, folks, looks like
we've done it again,

another rung up the never-ending
ladder of success.

Oh, a virtual Disneyland for shut-ins.

No, it's not, man; they won't let
people with long hair in Disneyland.

Right.

Hold it! What's all the noise
about? Hold it!-Oh, of course!

You must be the boys in the band!
Wonderful, wonderful!

Wonderful? It is?

It's amazing how quickly
you got up here.

Thank you. Uh, we, uh,
we pack sort of fast.

And we unpack sort of fast too.

Isn't that dumb?

What kind of people have you
got coming up here?

Senior citizens visiting their
grandparents? Ha ha ha!

We get a nice selection of
elderly folks up here,

but don't worry; this afternoon we
have some young people coming.

Oh, really?
Where they coming from?

All over. They're like a,
what can I tell ya,

like a travel club.
Lovely folks. Lovely.

Okay, okay? We're unpacked now.

- Where can we eat?
- Yeah, we'd like to eat.

Eat? How can you eat when
I have no waiter?

Where's your waiter?

Oh, I have a waiter,
and I have a bellhop,

and I have a gardener,
but they're not working.

You should go out there
to wherever they're at,

and as an employer,
demand that they go to work.

Right. Go to work!

What do you mean "go to work"?
We're a band.

Oh, I hire no bands at this hotel.
I hire waiters, and I hire gardeners,

and I hire bellhops,
and if they happen to

play a few musical instruments,
wonderful, wonderful!

I get it, the old badger game.

If you think for one minute you're
gonna get us 'cause we're broke,

and browbeat us into working like
sl*ves in this slum, you're dead...

Right.

Wonderful, wonderful!
And you, troublemaker,

you can be a what,
a strolling musician.

Wonderful.

Well, Mr. Blauner,
now that we're your

hired help, uh, can we
have something to eat?

How dare you. My head bell captain
to say a thing like that.

Eat on your own time! Now is
the time to take care of the guests.

Guests?

Guests?

Now get out there and
show them a good time.

A good time?

Can I help you with your luggage?

Ah heh heh.
Oh, heh heh. Ahh!

Wh-wh-wh-wh-what are we gonna do?

I dunno.
Your guest is as good as mine.

Could you... get it off... my... neck?

Oh, hello, good afternoon, uh.
Could I get you something to eat?

You must be very hungry
after the long ride.

You've been riding, ain't ya, and all
that kind of stuff? Ha ha ha, ahh!

You must be, uh, dusty after
your long, hard ride.

You're a thing of beauty to behold,
sitting like a manifold.

I'll carry your motorcycle... up for you.

Here, this is just to catch the
dirt from that dirty old vacuum.

Where're you going?

I'm go-going to the kitchen
to get something to eat.

Yeah, but the kitchen's that way.

Yeah, but the one back at the pad
isn't; it's that way, heh heh.

Ohh, please don't k*ll me!
Please... k*ll me,

k*ll me, ah ha ha,
k*ll me some more...

ha ha! And again, and again.

You're cute, tiny.

Heh heh, heh, thank heavens, so are you.

Hello.

Hello.

You're cute, fuzzy.

Why do you make all
those funny faces?

With my paranoia,
I need this abuse.

Alright you guys, stop goofing off!
You're here to make the guests happy.

Make them relax!
Go to work, please.

Do me a little favor.
That's it, everybody, up the stairs.

Queenie, I had always dreamed that someday,
a woman in black would ride by me,

and then, I would know. When I saw
you in your dirty black leather boots,

I didn't realize that you were the one.

But now, but now I've seen
through your externals...

- Michael.
- Yes?

You remind me of someone
very close to me.

I knew it. I knew it.
Go ahead.

Someone I could cuddle with
and go to whenever I felt sad.

Oh, go ahead, dear.
Pour out all your sadness to me.

I'll understand.
I will, I will.

I have his picture here.
Would you like to see it?

Oh! A picture of the male
I most remind you of?

Of course, of course I'd like to see it!

Let me see it! Ah ha ha!
It's a c*ck spaniel!

A jug of bread, a loaf of wine,
and thou beside me in the wilderness.

Oh, Peter, you've quoted the
most beautiful poetry I've ever heard.

Does that mean we can go out
together tonight?

No.

Why not?

Let's face it, man.
You're a sissy.

What would you say if
I gave you a little kiss?

I'd say, "Gee, I'm sorry, Fuzzy".

Why would you say that?

Because after you gave me that kiss,
I'd give you a rap in the mouth.

A-ha, don't be silly, my pet.

I think we're not treating
those girls rough enough.

What makes you say that?

She called me a sissy.

Peter's right. Pe-Peter's right.

You know, we've got to find a
way to get really, really rough.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, the
meeting will come to order.

Mick, will you shut off your engine?
We can't hear a word you're saying.

Wh-what, Mike?

Mick, I said will you shut off
your engine, we can't hear you!

I can't hear you, Mike;
my engine's running!

WILL YOU SHUT OFF YOUR
ENGINE WE CANNOT HEAR Y-!

I can't stop! The engine's been on
for three days, and I get the bends.

Get me off this.
Put me down.

Alright, now, let's take the pledge.
It says here in the script-

Handbook!

Handbook. We pledge to obey
the laws of dirt and violence.

- I do that. I do that.
- Right, right.

- To curb our desire for a bath.
- Right.

- And to offend all living things.
- Right.

Okay. This afternoon-that was
naughty-this afternoon,

we're having a special course
in obscene tattooing,

ear piercing, and for those of
you who want it, rings in your nose.

- Oh, I like that.
- Ooh, I'd like one of those.

Now, inspection.
Hold out your hands.

Ah ha, dirty, dirty, ah yuck,
dirty. What? Clean hands?

- Clean hands?
- Ha ha ha.

No, no, no! Dirt, dirt,
dirt, dirt, dirt!

You're a renegade, not a dentist.

Clean hands and crying?
Oh, never, never do.

Never make it.

Five seconds, or you're out of
the club. Take care of that.

And-what is this? Now here's a
brilliant student.

- Why, it's you!
- Yes!

It's the same one that I just
kicked out a few moments again.

Peter, yeah, Peter!

- It says here in the handbook...
- Script.

That I have never
seen such a turnabout.

In a matter of moments,
you've changed from a clean,

sensitive boy to a dirty dropout.

You've made it, son! You're tough!

Right!

Something about those stairs.

What are you dressed like that for?

What are you dressed like that for?

Way to fire, tell 'em.

We're tired of the open road.
What about you?

Well, you see, we, uh, man,
it's like, uh, we had to...

Do not explain it to them like that.
They are nothing but ordinary chicks.

- Yeah, right, just a chick.
- Yeah.

Are you guys really tough?

Watch this, baby.

Ay-ya. Ee-ya.
Ee-yaa. Ya-ya-ya!

Ohh. Ohh.

You didn't even break it, honey!

Why should I break it for you?
You're just a chick.

Yeah, just a chick.

You guys got a rough club?

A rough, a rough, we have a rough club?

How rough?

How rough? For initiation,
we k*ll our new members.

- What?
- Huh?

Oh, forget it, girls;
these guys are too tough.

What ya mean, too tough?

Well, that's why we
left our boyfriends.

B-b-b-b-b-boyfriends?

Boy, boyfriends?

- Big Frank.
- Big Neil.

Big Bruce.

Big Butch, leader of the Black Angels.

Not the Big Butch?

You remember the m*ssacre
at Pismo Beach?

P-p-p same people?

Same people. Not Butch.

Don't tell me you're afraid.

Okay, we won't tell you. It will be a
well-kept secret between just the four of us.

- Yes.
- Yes, yes.

No, no, no-he's joking.

No, no, no. I'm joking.
It's a joke.

We have to leave. Ah hah hah. Hm hm.
Little bit of humor. Ha ha. Joking. h*.

Never afraid.

Now, now Butch.
Now, look here, Butch.

You can't... you can't keep
pushing me like this, Butch.

You're gonna get, uh, too far
with it here in a minute...

and I'm not going any farther.

How come?

Well, because I can't
get over this desk.

No more room!

Alright, punk. What's the
name of your club, punk?

Uh, we're... the Chickens!

Yeah, the Chickens!

Chickens!

We used to be called like,
the Fearful Four,

and we also used to be
called like, The Cowards.

Ye-ye-ye-ye-yellow Bellies.

The Yellow Bellies.

Okay, which of you wants to fight me?

Well, we all wanna fight you...

I'll take you all on!

No! Uh, because...

Because whenever...

We can't, we can't, it's against,
uh, what is it, it's against club rules!

The rules!

You see, whenever a member of the club gets
in a tense situation that demands courage, valor,

honor, and everything, it's his loyal
duty as a member of this club to chicken out.

Chicken out! Bwack-bwack-bwack-bwack-bwack!

- Hold it! I've had enough!
- What?

Man, I've had enough.
I'm gonna tear you apart.

No, Davy, remember your
pledge: you're a Chicken!

You're right.

Peter, I wanna thank you
for saving me before,

'cause I nearly lost my temper,
and I didn't, I bwack-bwack-bwacked out!

I think we oughta pluck 'em, right, boys?

Now listen, Butch.
Leave these guys alone.

Ah, so you turned
my woman against me, huh?

- No, we didn't.
- No, no.

Alright, which one of you
punks is after Queenie?

None of us-we don't even like her!

- Why did you say that?
- Well!

My woman ain't good
enough for you, huh, punk?

You know, somehow, I really
think we're in a bind.

Now, listen, Butch-

You shut up!

Oh, I missed you, babe.

Alright! Tomorrow we're holding
our annual best riders' contest.

Oh, good! What's first prize?

Winner gets to destroy
everything in sight.

Um, ah heh heh, does
that include u-u-us here?

- That includes you.
- Includes you.

- Just checking.
- Just checking it out.

Wanna make sure.

Order, order, can I
have some order, please?

Uh, bagel with cream
cheese and a cream soda.

- Don't do that.
- Oh, excuse me.

- We, the order of the Chickens-
- Bwack-bwack-bwack.

Have been challenged.
I will now throw the meeting

over to the floor for
any suggestions. Mr. Tork?

I move we fight. Our honor
has been smirched.

- What?
- Uh, smurched.

- What?
- Bedirtied.

- What?
- Well, they hurt my feelings.

Fight? No. Fight? Gentlemen,
may I remind you as fellow Chickens-

Bwack-bwack-bwack.

-that fighting is number one,
unconstitutional, number two,

it is very fruitless in solving a problem,
and number three, you can really, really get hurt.

As duly elected president of the Chickens.

Bwack-bwack-bwack.

I move that we take some
course of action immediately.

- Right.
- We leave. Right, babe?

[rooster noises]

Frankfurters, c*ck hot dogs.
Get your hot dogs with mustard,

without mustard, with sauerkraut,
without sauerkraut, popcorn, peeeanuts!

Are you ready, Chickens?

We've been ready since dawn.
We just had to rinse out a few things.

Okay, Angels, let's hear our w*r cry!

Let's give 'em our w*r cry!

Bwack-bwack-bwack...

That's the worst w*r
cry I ever heard.

But, how many of your g*ng
can, in fact, lay eggs?

Ladies and gentlemen. The fourth annual
Black Angels Olympics is about to begin.

What do I say next?

- Start your engines.
- Start your engines!

Let's go, start the engines...

- Peter? Micky?
- Mike! Over here!

Take a letter, keep on going

Where ever it is, she's goin', too.

Give her my autograph and tell her

It's been nice knowin' you.

She's a star collector
[collector of stars]

She only sims to please
young celebraties

She's a star collector
[collector of stars]

How can I love her,
when I just don't respect her?

When everthing is goin' my way,

She wants to be close at hand.

She moves to some
other doorway

When things don't go
the way she planned.

She's a star collector
[collector of stars]

She only sims to please
young celebraties

She's a star collector
[collector of stars]

It won't take much time
before I get her off my mind

She's a star collector
[collector of stars]

She only sims to please
young celebraties

She's a star collector
[collector of stars]

It won't take much time
before I get her off my mind

Alright, I won. Which one
wants to be destroyed first?

- He is. He is.
- No, no.

Draw straws.

Should I tear you apart with my hands,
or run you over with my bike?

Well, it's kind of six of one
and half a dozen of the other.

You touch one hair on his
head, and I'll never...

I'll never let you write to me.

Look, I don't care who I destroy,
I just want to destroy somebody!

I got a friend who
lives in Pismo Beach.

Pismo Beach.

I'm tired of the open road.
I'm tired of the dust and the

grime and the bugs in my teeth.
I want to settle down!

What?

Wonderful.

Well, that tears it.

I guess that tears it.

We could settle down.
We could build ill*gal

motorcycles and raise little scooters.

Yeah, maybe you could
have a white picket

fence around your garage.
A white picket fence!

Way to tell 'em, Davy.

Listen, if you promise you
won't destroy anything,

you can stay here.
Maybe I'll even give you a job.

What do you say, Butch?

What do I say?

Say yes.

Alright. My woman speaks for me.

Yay!

In this generation
In this lovin' time

In this generation
We will make the world shine

We were born to love one another
This is somethin', we all need

We were born to love one another
We must be what we're goin' to be

And what we have to be, is free

Love is understandin'
We gotta be free

Love is understandin'
We gotta be free

We gotta be free

We gotta be free