01x03 - Edith Gets Hired

[bunniefuu]

Hi, everybody.

Murray:
Well, hello.

- Mr. Van Ranseleer.
- Hello, Mrs. Bunker.

- Nice to hear you again.
- Oh.

- How are you?
- How are you, Mrs. Bunker?

Oh, call me Edith.

All right, Edith.
Call me Murray.

- Murray.
- All right.

You know, you look like
you just stepped out of "Vogue."

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, you got gloves,
everything.

You know, you really get
dressed up to go roller skating.

- Oh, no.
- These are Steffi's skates.

I use to roller skate, though,

but I gave it up
after I fell on Fanny.

Everybody does that.

Oh. Oh, no.

I mean, my cousin Fanny.

- Murray: Oh.
- You... Well, I meant...

- Yes, I did.
- Oh.

I thought when you went
roller skating...

Come on, sit down, Edith.

I've got your ginger ale
for you.

- On the rocks?
- On the rocks

- with a twist of lemon.
- Oh.

Oh, thank you.

You know, I haven't been
roller skating

since I was a teenager.

What a great way
to pick up girls.

- Oh.
- -Maybe I oughta start again, huh?

- Oh.
- What size are those?

Those are Steffi's skates.

They wouldn't fit...

Oh, Murray.

I left a note
on the door at home,

so she'd know
and have to come here

and pick 'em up.

I'm going to see her, but...

I got to go someplace,

and Steffi's
going roller skating

with Amy Bloom after school

and she forgot her key.

Steffi, not Amy.

Would you mind telling her

not to stay after 5:00

'cause she has
a piano lesson at 5:30?

Amy, not Steffi.

Mmm.

And I got her key,

so she can get in
when she gets home.

Steffi, not Amy.

Okay, I've got it.

I think I better
write that down.

I never write things down

'cause if I lose the paper,

- then I don't remember.
- Uh-hmm.

Steffi, Amy.

- Is there anything else?
- Oh, yeah.

Would you tell Archie

that I'll be home
in plenty of time

to fix dinner,
no matter what the doctor says.

Doctor, dinner... Doctor?

- Are you sick?
- No, no.

Uh, he ain't a doctor doctor.

He... he don't cure nobody.

He's a psychiatrist.

Oh, Edith, stay away
from psychiatrists.

Now, you seem to be
a very happy woman

and you don't wanna go
and find out

that you don't have
the right to be happy.

Oh, I ain't a patient.

I'm an applicant.

Please promise me you won't say
nothing about this to Archie

'cause I don't wanna tell him.

I'm gonna see about a job

at the Regal Park Center.

The Funny Farm?

No, they laugh a lot there,

but it ain't a farm.

Edith, what kind of work
do you wanna do?

I'm a helper.

I help the patients,

write letters,
and I read to 'em,

and I play
Chinese checkers with 'em.

- You know, whatever.
- Um-hmm.

Well, play it cool.

Let 'em win.

I hope I get the job.

Why not?

I bet you'd be great
with disturbed people.

I am.

We had a lot of them
at the Sunshine Home

and they felt closer to me

than anybody else.

All right.

You've had lots experience.

Yeah.

I got fired, too.

And I'm afraid
when Dr. Wakeford,

he's the head head doctor,

if he hears about that,
he's not gonna give me the job.

Well, nobody's gonna tell him
that you got fired.

Oh, yes. Somebody will.

- Who?
- Me.

Don't tell him, then.

Tell him how great you were.

Tell him how the people
at the Sunshine Home

loved you.

You know, you're gonna have
a little chutzpah.

A little what?

Chutzpah, that's, uh...

guts, it's nerve,

it's...

chutzpah.

- How do you spell that?
- Chutzpah?

C-H-U-T

Z-P-A-H,

chutzpah. Here.

- That's chutzpah.
- No, no.

No, C-H is pronounced...

You know, say after me.

From here.

- Chutz.
- Chutz.

- Pah.
- Pah.

That's right.
Now, say chutzpah.

Chutzpah.

Altogether.

- Chutzpah.
- Chutzpah.

- Chutzpah.
- Faster.

Chutzpah. Chutzpah.

I think you got it.

I think she's got it.

I hope I can keep it

till after the interview.

Hmm, and I hope
I'll have some left over

for when I tell Archie.

Thanks a lot, Murray.

- All right, Edith.
- Buh-bye.

Bye, Mr. Van Ranseleer.

Shalom, Mrs. Bunker.

So, Mrs. Bunker,
what do you think about this?

Oh, I think it's lovely.

It's so homey.

It ain't it a bit like a...

A loony bin?

That's all right.

That's what the patients
call it.

Excuse us, Tom.

You have to keep
a sense of humor

around here, Mrs. Bunker.

Otherwise, as we say
in medical circles,

you'd go bananas.

Oh.

- Please sit down.
- Thank you.

So, how about it,
Mrs. Bunker?

Do you think you'd like
to work for us?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Are you sure you'd like me
to work for you?

Quite sure.

What we need around here
is someone with patience
and understanding.

- Ms.
- Kritchen from the Sunshine Home assures me you have both.

Oh.

Did Ms. Kritchen
say anything else about me?

Oh, yeah.

She said you did
excellent work there.

So, let's talk
about your schedule.

You work Monday through Friday
from noon to 8:00.

Oh.

You'll eat with the patients,

so your meals are included.

Oh.

And your salary will be
five dollars an hour.

Oh.

Do you have any questions
you'd like to ask me?

Do you have any questions
you'd like to ask me?

Nope.

It's been a pleasure,
Mrs. Bunker.

Thank you.

I'm really glad
you're gonna be with us.

- Me, too.
- Yeah.

- See you next week.
- Bye, Doctor.

Bye-bye.

I was fired
from the Sunshine Home.

It was an account
of a very old lady,

Mrs. Dillon,

who they was trying
to keep alive

but she didn't want
that no more.

I was sitting with her

while she was dying
and holding her hand

and I didn't call nobody.

See, she was 82 years old

and she had a wonderful life,

but she was very sick

and everybody she knew was gone.

And she couldn't even get up

and go to the bathroom
by herself.

And she said that
her dead husband, Arthur,

was waving to her, you know,

from the other side.

And then she said
that the Lord told her,

"Loretta, it's time."

I asked her
if I could do anything

and she said,

"Just sit beside me, Edith,

and hold my hand."

So, I did.

And she went...

and they fired me.

If you had that day
to live over, Mrs. Bunker,

what would you do?

Just what I did.

I'm sorry.

I had to tell you

because it wasn't fair not to.

So, you don't have
to hire me now

if you don't want to.

I'll see you Monday at noon.

Don't be late.

Oh, thank you.

You don't have any
other problems, do you?

No. Why?

The last woman
who had your job had to quit

because her husband
wouldn't let her work.

Do you happen to hear
of anything so stupid?

Yeah.

Once.

Th

Th.

I told you last time,

you ain't going back
to work again.

Edith: Oh, Archie,
I've been waiting to come back

for three years.

Archie:
That's it! Another thing...

That's because
you was home here alone

with nothing else to do
but run around the house all day

having fun with your housework.

But now, you got a helpless
person to take care of.

You're not helpless.

- I wasn't talking about me.
- I was talking you.

I'm not helpless.

- Can you run a saloon?
- No.

Well, then you're helpless.

And you need your aunt
here to stay home

and take care of you.

All my friends' mothers work.

Oh, I know that very well.

Oh, gee.

That's why the world's
in rotten shape.

With all these women
running around out there

doing useless jobs

and leaving
their daughters home alone

to get pregnant.

Aunt Edith worked on last year

and I didn't get pregnant.

She hears words like that on TV.

Archie, sit down
and eat your dinner.

No! I won't sit down!

- Sit down?
- I don't want nothing!

And I hear a talk like this?

I just can't sit down.

How can the two of you just eat
when I'm sitting here upset?

Archie, I'm supposed to start

my new job on Monday.

Edith, I thought you was over

all of that foolishness

when you stopped working
at that old people's joint?

I think you got
plenty to do here.

I don't think so.

Well, you better think so.

Do you wanna grow up
to be a nice girl

and a beautiful girl

and nab some hardworking,

good-looking dope
to take care of you?

I'm gonna take care of myself.

When I grow up, I'm gonna be
the boss of my house.

Oh, my God.

Well, we was warned about this

by that wonderful woman,
Felly Shoofly.

God Bless her.

But we didn't pay her no mind.

And now look at what
we're doing,

we're raising another
Joan "Fonder" over there.

Go upstairs
and give your dollies a bath.

They're clean.

Well, you ain't, so go upstairs
give yourself a bath.

Come on, do as I tell you.

Just because I'm a woman,

is no reason to treatment me
like a second-class citizen.

Doesn't that give you
the chills?

Well, we got the television
"nutworks" to thank for this.

You know,
if it wasn't for sports,

I'd throw that TV set

right into the Gowanus Canal.

Archie,

this is a good job.

I'm gonna be helping people

who need me.

We are the people who need you.

And how does that help us...

You taking work in one of them
geriatric side joints?

Oh, you know what I mean.

Potty-training the aged.

Dumping some poor crap in
an old bag into the royal pool.

Teaching some old geezer
with no teeth

and one leg in the grave

how to put his hat on.

And I wanted to go
all get you in the end?

Curtains.

Archie, this is
the Regal Park Center.

They ain't all old.

Then what's wrong with them?

They're mentally disturbed.

What?!

You're gonna take a job
in a hoo-hoo hotel?

Edith, you can't do that.

Don't you dare to do that.

You'd never come out
the same again.

- Why not?
- Oh, Edith.

I have experience of this thing.

My aunt Lulu,
God bless her soul,

she took part-time work
in one of them places there.

You know what them people
turned her?

They set fire to her apron,

and then they put mayonnaise
in her pocketbook.

Then they put huckleberries
in her pantyhose.

Overnight, a beautiful
raving-haired woman

turned snow white.

Why didn't she quit?

She did.

She had to.

She'd become a patient there.

Oh, Archie.

That ain't gonna happen to me.

I'll be all right,
and so will you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I ain't thinking of me.
- Don't think of me.

Put me right out of your mind.

I did.

Edith...

think of the innocent
child up there.

That poor little wafer
livin' with us here,

and one of your family.

She can't be home alone all day.

Well, she ain't
home alone all day.

Who the hell
is gonna be with her?

She's in school every day.

But I know, after school?

On Monday,
she goes to Girl Scouts.

That's Monday.

What about the rest of the week?

Tuesday, she has
her dancing lessons

and Wednesdays and Fridays,

she goes to the skating rink
with Amy Bloom.

And Thursday,
she has religious school.

Oh, what a brutal schedule

for a child that age.

Edith, Edith.

Every child needs
some time alone

with her loved ones.

Well, this will give her
some time with you.

Time with me is useless.

All you got to do

is pick her up,

see that she has her dinner,

help her with her homework,

play with her a little,

and then bring her home to me.

I know, Edith.

Supposed she gets sick.

What if she gets sick

in the middle of the day?

Well, she'll always know
where I am.

She'll have my phone number.

Phone number?

Oh, what a cruel thing

- for a little child...
- phone number.

Edith, every child for her own,

what do you call that?

Personal sense of security there

has to know
that when she gets sick,

there's a responsible
individual here at home

who will help her throw up.

Oh, yes.

Now, you was always there

when Gloria was throwing up.

And look at the result
of all of that,

she turned out perfect.

Except of who she married.

- I'll get it.
- I'll get it.

- I'll get it.
- I'll get it.

- I'll get it.
- I'll get it, I'll get it.

I said I'll get it.

Why do you always come
racing up to the door?

Would you... that's only a bell,
it ain't a fire alarm.

- Open it.
- All right, I will.

- Hi.
-Oh, hiya, Murray.
What do you want?

We need your key
to the store room.

Use your own key.

I haven't got one.

Well, can't you get one made?

Give me yours and I will.

You see this?

He's always got
a smart answer for everything.

Come on in, Murray.

Archie, they're gonna call me
a recreation assistant

and I'm gonna get
five dollars an hour.

Edith, you got that job?

- Yeah.
- Oh, that's terrific.

- Oh, thank you.
- Good for you.

- Hold it up, hold it up.
- Hold it. Hold it.

What do you mean terrific
and congratulations?

Don't you see this is
a family who's being run
to cinders here?

- She ain't got no job.
- She can't take the job.

And I know
why she can't take the job,

'cause even if I let you
take that job,

- it would never last.
- Why not?

Because they'd soon find out

- the whole truth.
- What truth?

That you was fired
from the Sunshine Home.

Oh, they know
about that already.

- The whole story?
- Yeah.

Chutzpah.

Murray, would you like
to stay for dinner?

- Yes, I would.
- No, he wouldn't.

He's got to get back
to that store room.

I don't get the key.

What, you lost it already?
Here's another one.

- See you at the bar.
- Yeah.

Oh, oh, oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What is this between
the two of you?

- What's this "coochicoo"
with you?
- Oh, no, no. Chutzpah.

- Huh?
- Chutzpah.

Yeah, I know it.
Well, what is it?

I never heard of it.

I'm gonna get myself
a new outfit

for my new job.

Maybe even a pantsuit.

- Oh, you ain't gonna do that.
- Good for you, Edith.

Hey, hey, Murray. Hey, Murray.
Please, huh?

This happens to be a thing
between husband and dingbat.

You can't help me.

Well, see you at the bar.

You gotta help me, Murray.

- Me?
- Yeah, you.

I'm only a temporary partner.

Well, all right,
then help me as a friend.

Am I your friend?

Can you make-believe?

All right.

I'll try. We're friends.

What do you want, friend?

Tell her not to do this.

- So long, stranger.
- Wait a minute.

Wait, wait a minute, Murray.
Now you know that this is wrong.

- Now, who says so?
- -Because a woman ain't supposed to work.

- What if she wants to?
- She's not supposed to want to

unless she has
to like my mother.

She wanted to, she had to,
we needed the money.

She took in the washing
and ironing,

but my old man was always
so ashamed of that.

- Because he couldn't support his family.
- -Right.

But you can support your family.

- Right.
- -So, you got nothing to be ashamed of.

- Right.
- So, Edith can go to work.

Right...

Oh.

Just a minute now.

We're forgetting something here.

- Now what?
- -There's another problem... another problem, the child.

Oh, you're afraid

she's gonna feel
neglected and unloved,

- is that right?
- Right.

Because Edith
is away all day, right?

- Right.
- But you're away all day,

- right?
- Right.

Stephanie knows that
you love her, right?

- Right.
- So, being at home

has nothing to do
with it, right?

Oh, Archie, I just remember
what chutzpah means.

It means guts, nerve, courage.

Like Edith has.

Hey, Murray.

What?

Keep your nose
out of my business, huh?

Oh, well.

Me trying to hold back
the tendencies of this world

like a poor salmon
trying to swim uptown.

Listen, Edith, I wanna talk you
and you're gonna listen to me.

You know, that inhuman schedule
you worked out for this child,

the Monday, Wednesday,
Fridays and...

- Tuesday and Thursdays.
- Yeah, them, too.

What about them?

Well, you, uh,
better write it all out for me

- because I'll forget.
- Oh, Archie.

I love you.

- How much?
- A bushel and peck.

Well, it ain't bad.-

- ♪ A hug around the neck
-I didn't think a song

was coming out.-

Just get me the words
and I'll read it.

Leave the notes
because it's nuts.