02x01 - Archie Alone: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

The phone is ringing.

Well, why don't you answer it?

I'm the cook, I don't do phones.

- What?
- Both: Nothing, nothing.

Archie Bunker's Place.

Yes, we serve Chinese

as long as
they behave themselves.

Well, why didn't
you say what you want?

Oh, no, no, no.
There ain't no chop suey here.

Uh, try Hop Sing's.

I don't know how to spell it.

Do I look like a ch*nk?

- All right.
- I'm going over to the bank.

I'll be back in an hour.

An hour at the bank?

Yeah, and they serve
better coffee there.

Here you go, Veronica.

Oh, thanks, Harry.

- Hey, Harry.
- Who's your all-time catcher?

Johnny Bench.

Oh, you're nuts.

Yogi Berra can catch rings
around Johnny Bench.

Why'd you ask me?

Yogi couldn't carry
Bench's glove.

Yogi Berra is the greatest
catcher who's lived.

You're just saying that 'cause
your wife looks like Yogi.

Where's Uncle Archie?

He just went to the bank.

Hey, what are you doing here
in the middle of the morning?

I ran away from school.

Hey, you shouldn't do that
till you're at least 12.

A kid stole my lunch.

Oh, well, no problem.

Veronica, one Junior Miss lunch.

Sure.

Jose, make a nice
chicken sandwich to go.

Hey, Steff.

Don't let those other girls
push you around, belt them.

This was a boy.

Hit him with a brick.

How gentile.

Come on in
the restaurant, honey.

Listen, you sit here,
right here, until your sandwich

is ready, okay?

So, the next time you come in,
you can use the family entrance.

I tried that door
but it's locked.

Oh.

Well, it's time to open it.

There's a man in a car
out there who knows you.

In a car?

A big, long, black one,
he's sitting in it.

He wanted to know
if this was your place.

Oh, well.

Let's see what that's about.

Somebody out there you know?

Yeah.

Vinnie Mulvaney.

Mulvaney "The Hood"?

The same.

Is he coming in here?

Well, why would he come
into a place like this?

Here's your sandwich, kiddo,

and a slab of peach pie.

- Can I eat it here?
- No dice.

Why can't I stay and help
Molly wait tables?

You go get your education.

Why do grownups always say that?

Because they don't know
what else to say.

Why not?

Because they didn't
get their education.

Oh, okay.

Bye.

Bye.

- What's the matter, Murray?
- Um, nothing.

There's a guy
out there in a car,

one of these guys.

Somebody you know?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Used to be like a brother.

Very handy guy, too.

He can fix anything,

horseraces, basketball games,

prizefights.

You know, when Vinnie Mulvaney
got kicked out of school,

the mob made him
their first draft choice.

- Vinnie Mulvaney?
- Right.

I've seen his name
in the papers.

Murray, go out
and ask him in for lunch.

I think it would be
a thrill to meet him.

Hey, you ain't gonna start

serving riffraff
in here, are you?

When we refuse
to serve riffraff,

you'll be the first
to be informed.

Hiya, Murray.

Hey, Vinnie.

What do you say?

Vinnie, how are you?

- Long time no see.
- That's right, a long time.

It's a long time, yeah.

- You know, I'm in business here.
- -Yeah, yeah.

I see you on a list
of my offers,

so I took out my pen

and wrote okay
right next to your name.

- Good.
- Come on, sit down, will you?

- I'll wait on you myself.
- No, no, no, thank you.

I'm joining your friend
over here.

Hey.

Son.

Ah, you haven't changed, Murray.

Oh, come on, Vinnie,
you're kidding me now, huh?

Yeah, that's right,
I'm kidding you.

We all change plenty.

That's why we ought
to get together more often,

so we won't forget
what we look like, huh?

That's right.

Your mother still alive?

Oh, yes, sure, and still
in the same old place.

And still making some
of those good blintzes, huh.

Well, I guess so.

Well, sometimes.

- You say hello to her, huh?
- I will, I will.

This is a friend of mine,
Tony Bremmer.

Well, Mr. Bremmer.

Used to be
a business competitor,

but now we're in partnership,

so we're having a drink here
to seal the deal.

Hey, that's just terrific.

But what brings you here?

Well, we wanna be in a nice,
neutral place, right, Tony?

That's right.

Hey, Murray.

- Yeah.
- Bring us a bottle of bourbon

and buy drinks for them
butterflies in there.

Okay.

Hey, boys...

Swanson: Hey, hey, hey.

Did a girl just come in?

No, Mr. Van R.,

a gentleman out there
just flashed

a complete set of presidents.

Oh.

Drinks for everybody
on Vinnie Mulvaney.

Hey, thanks, Vin.

- Anything you want, boys.
- Hey, thanks a lot.

I'll have the usual, champagne.

I want champagne, too.

I like a drink I can hear.

Hiya, Mr. Mulvaney.

I'm Veronica Rooney,
the cook here.

Hello, good-looking.

- And this is...
- Get lost, lady.

Yeah.

I can take a hit.

Here you go, Vinnie.

Enjoy yourself.

You need anything else,
you just yell, huh?

Thanks, Murray.

Now, we can wrap this thing up
in two minutes, Mulvaney.

Yeah, just like I said
on the phone, anything you say,

we just got to have peace.

I don't wanna get k*lled.

Now, take a map,

draw a line from Fort Totten
down to Long Beach,

everything on the island
west to that line is mine,

east is yours, simple?

You got it.

And you pull back everybody

working for you
on our side of the line.

Take a couple of weeks.

Days.

A deal.

Deal.

- Hey, Murray.
- Yeah.

Where is washroom?

Right through the door
and to the left.

Ah. We'll drink on that, Tony.

Hey, Murray,

will you go to the door
and wait for my driver

- to bring up the car?
- Right away.

Hey, Tony,
can I drop you somewhere?

No, thanks, I got my own car.

Maybe you'll come
to my birthday party

at my mother's house, tonight.

Oh, glad to, Vinnie.

Glad everything is gonna
work out the way it used to be.

The way it should be.

Look, I'm sorry
if we ever had grief.

Hold on to that drink
till I get back.

Hey, Mr. Mulvaney.

Don't let the blue water
bother you,

we put that in.

Who are you waving at, Murray?

Vinnie wants his car.

- Come here. Get inside.
- What? Murray.

- Get inside, quick. Quick.
Don't ask any questions.
-Murray!

- What?
- Come here, look.

I think I'm being made a patsy.

I hope to God I'm not.

- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing with me.

Veronica:
Oh, God, oh, God!

Geez, this is awful.

Somebody better call the police.

Murray shoves me in the kitchen.

- I get that.
- Those two guys walk in.

- And where were you?
- You were in the bank.

I know, but you told me...

I never worked
in a joint like this.

Don't tell me no more, I know.

- I am terrified.
- You don't listen to me.

Geez, I said
I'd handle everything.

- Oh, look at this.
- What do youse all gawking at out there?

Can't you go home
to your children,

to your wives, or whatever?

Get a set of those pictures
to the DA's office, will you?

Right away.

Look at this.

I leave you in charge
for one hour,

you turn Archie Bunker's Place
into the O.K. Corral.

- Now, listen...
- Get off my back.

Don't yell at me.
I'm only trying to help you.

As far as these cops
is concerned,

what you got to do
is remember three things.

- What?
- Shush, shush, and shush.

I've got to tell them
what happened.

Oh, oh, oh,
you tell them what happened

and A, the cops
are gonna get you,

or two, Mulvaney's crowd
is gonna get you,

or C, Bremmer's crowd
is gonna get you.

Don't you understand?
You're in the middle.

In fact, buddy,
you're in the triddle.

- Now, Murray.
- Yeah.

You had no idea Mulvaney
was coming in here

- or Bremmer, either?
- Nope, no idea.

But you are a friend
of Mulvaney's?

- No, no, he ain't.
- But that's what Murray said.

Oh, come on,
he ain't seen Mulvaney

in 100 years,
you call that a friend?

Vinnie and I were kids together.

Did you owe him a favor?

No.

Somebody tried to k*ll
your friend Mulvaney

about a week ago,
did you know that?

No.

Did Mulvaney at any time say,

"Murray,
I came here to your place

'cause I need your help?"

He just...
He just said a few words.

- That's all.
- Mm-hmm.

And the guys with the g*ns
didn't come in

till Mulvaney
went to the toilet?

Now, listen,
you know what I think?

I think Mulvaney went in there

into the toilet so that nobody
would know he'd done this.

Thanks for the tip.

Was anybody else in here
besides the guys we know?

Um, yes.

There were two customers
at that table over there.

They were strangers.

Did either one of them
go to that door at any time

and maybe give a signal?

Well, did they?

No.

Okay.

Mulvaney is gonna
get away with this, fellas,

if that's all you can tell us.

We can't tell you no more.

Terrific.

Come on.

Well, now listen,
there ain't no sense

in getting sore
with us, you know.

I mean, we're just
a couple of businessmen.

We're trying to make
a living here and...

Oh, God, I feel weak.

Yeah, well, uh, don't take on
too much strength there, huh?

What are we gonna do?

Why don't you go
and cook something?

There's no one to cook for.

Well, why don't you practice?

Murray, you've done good.

No, I didn't.

Murray, did you tell them

that it was you
who signaled them guys?

Certainly not.

What the hell do you want
Murray to do, hang himself?

Murray didn't know
what he was doing,

Mulvaney tricked him.

We all got to dummy up here.

A man was m*rder*d here!

A mug was m*rder*d here.

A human being!

But you don't have to make out

like it was Father Flanagan
of Boys Town.

Bremmer and his crowd

was trying to knock off
Mulvaney, don't you understand?

I'm only trying to protect
an innocent guy.

Veronica, give me a drink,

- will you please?
- Well, take hers.

Huh?

You're not as weak as you think.

Look, if we all back Murray up,

ain't that enough to clear him?

If we sh**t off
our mouths to the cops,

we're all liable to wind up

shaking hands with Jimmy Hoffa.

Oh, God, is there no way

to put Mulvaney behind bars?

No, no, no.

The law don't put them guys

behind bars for k*lling people,

don't you understand?

Only for important things,

like tax "erosion."

Mulvaney's lawyer
could have him out

like that in some kind
on some kind of a risk.

Vinnie could come around
himself in person,

make habeas corpuses out of
the whole damn bunch of us.

Oh, God, oh, God!

Oh, God, oh, God!

Yeah, well, you're getting
weak, have some strength.

You're right.

I remember once I broke a date

with Footsie Magliano
the cr*pple bookie.

You know what he's done
because I broke one lousy date?

He invited me to dinner.

Who cares?

I cares.

The main course was my canary.

Try not to talk to me

for the rest of the day, huh?

- Hiya, fellas.
- What's new?

There's been a startling
development in the case.

Oh, what happened?

Three of the most
important witnesses

just forgot
everything they seen.

Oh, that's okay, Arch,
I can tell them everything.

I'm gonna ignore you
because you ain't real.

Don't worry about me, Arch,

when those g*ns were going off,

I was busy extricating a fly

from my champagne.

Hey, I read where flies
is all protein.

Thanks for
the recommendation, Hank,

but if you don't mind,
I'll pick out who I drink with.

You see, fellas,
it ain't the law

so much I'm worried about.

It's the hoods.

The clan?

Shush up.

Barney?

I'm hip.

If I'm gonna get shot,

it'll be by a jealous husband.

There's an intelligent man.

Mr. Van Ranseleer,
I'm very worried about you.

Arch, I wouldn't make
a good witness.

Oh, but since
you know everything

that's going on, you know,

you got ears
in the back of your head.

Arch, you're right,
there were two of them,

young fellas,
could've been college boys.

One of them had on
a turtleneck sweater.

Ain't that amazing?

How the hell could he know that?

Harry told me.

Yeah, well, I could be wrong.

Deal me out of this,
I got a family.

Archie Bunker's Place.

It's for you, Arch.

Well, can't you take
a message there?

Don't you see I'm over here
trying to save lives?

- He can't come to the phone.
- Can I take a message?

Mr. Van Ranseleer,
what do you think?

A guy is in the middle,

is he free of responsibility?

He's not free of it

but he shouldn't take on
too much of it.

If I let Vinnie get away
with this m*rder,

we all lose.

You know, I think it all depends

on how important
a man's kneecaps are to him.

Who was that?

George, the cop.

Well, what'd he want?

To tell us something.

Oh, geez. What?

What? What?

Vinnie, his girlfriend,
and his lawyer were just shot

right in front of his
mother's house in Kew Gardens.

Oh, God, oh, God!

- Oh, God, oh, God!
- Oh, God, oh, God!

Oh, God!

Woman on P.A.:
Dr. Hanson.

Dr. Hanson,
report to obstetrics please.

Dr. Warner,
wanted in radiology, please.

Dr. Warner...

- Is that his room?
- Not for long.

What are you doing here?

Well, I got a message
that he wanted see me.

Go on in.

Woman on P.A.: Dr. Warner,
wanted in radiology, please.

Dr. Warner...

Murray.

I...

Thank you for coming.

Okay.

I shouldn't have
used you that way.

It's all right.

I hope you didn't
get in trouble.

No. No, I'm in the clear.

I knew you wouldn't
tell the cops.

You're good.

Aren't you sore at me, Murray?

No.

Just reminds me of old times.

Well, when we was kids,

running away from the cops,
scrambling over fences.

You scrambled over the fences.

I always got caught.

Yeah.

But I'm the guy that wound up
with the holes in him, huh?

Murray...

remember your first fight

in the old Broadway Arena?

Of course, I do.

You were my manager.

And you won.

That's right.

That crummy promoter found out

I was only 16,

wouldn't give me my money.

Until I stuck a rod in his belly

and took it off of him.

And then you kept it all.

Oh...

That's what broke us up, huh?

That's right.

Murray,

you were always so scared.

Murray...

give me your hand.

Woman on P.A.:
Dr. Carrow, surgery, please.

Dr. Carrow.

Dr. Hanson,
report to obstetrics, please.

Dr. Warner,
wanted in radiology, please...

Did he die?

Yup.

Why'd he want you for?

Just talk.

Oh.

You know, I thought maybe
he might wanna leave
you something.

Hey, listen,

some of them you know,

they got fortune stashed
all over the place.

No.

Oh...

Well...

in a way, he did
leave me something.

Yeah, what?

He made me realize
how lucky I am.

Ah.

Well, with that and one dollar,

you could buy yourself a cigar.