02x17 - The Trashing of the Temple

[bunniefuu]

Archie: Will you hurry
th

Archie: Will you hurry
this

Archie: Will you hurry
this u

Archie: Will you hurry
this up

Archie: Will you hurry
this up a

Archie: Will you hurry
this up a li

Archie: Will you hurry
this up a litt

Archie: Will you hurry
this up a little

Archie: Will you hurry
this up a little,

Archie: Will you hurry
this up a little, hu

Archie: Will you hurry
this up a little, huh?

- Murray: Come on, hurry it up, will you?
- Open the door.

- Archie: I'm opening it!
Give me a chance here!
-It's only a simple key.

- All right,
come on, come on, come on.
- Where is it? Where is it?



All right, come on,
get the light, huh?

What do you mean, get the light?

- I'm eating carrots here.
- I'll get the light.

- Please, where's the step?
- Right where it always was.

- Right here!
- Where's that? I can't see.

God!

Now as soon as you
get this stuff put away,

I want you to call
Veronica on the phone.

You find out why
she didn't come meet us
down at that produce market.

Well, I'll never be able
to go down there again.

You fixed that.

Me? What did I do?

You told the onion lady
that I had the hots for her!

Remember?

But she gave us the onions
for five cents less a bag.

Well, I happen to think
that my body's worth
more than a nickel.

She didn't.

Now you cozy up to that woman.

What do you mean "cozy"?
The woman had a mustache!

That goes nice
with her little beard.

- That's right, it did, didn't it?
- -Yeah!

- Come on, come on, huh?
- Will you call Veronica on the phone?

Can you see your way clear
to give me a hand with
one of these?

- All right, come on.
Get it out of the way.
-Here you go. Come on.

Yeah.

- Let's get all this stuff put away, huh?
- -That's the light one.

Maybe I'll be able to
slip back to the house

and catch another hour
or two of sleep before
we open up.

Okay.

- Get the light, huh?
- -What do you mean "get the light"?

- It's right there, get it yourself.
- -I'll get it, then.

- Oh, my God!
- What?

- Veronica?
- Is she alive?

Come on, let's see. Hey.

Oh, she's asleep.

Hey, Veronica.

Carmine?

Veronica?

Gino?

Are you okay?

You tell me. Was I okay?

Murray?

Veronica Rooney, you ought
to be ashamed of yourself.

What are youse two
doing in my bedroom?

Oh, jeez,
I never done this before.

Don't get excited.

You didn't do it
this time, neither.

And why are you laying,
sleeping on the table

where we have to
prepare the "comestibles"?

- Yeah, come on.
- Sit up, Veronica.

Hey, tell us, what happened?

I don't... I remember
putting on my hat and my coat

and my galoshes
and my mittens...

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
and then you went blotto!

When are you gonna
give up them two bad guys

you've been going steady with?

Oh, leave Carmine
and Gino out of this.

I wasn't talking
about Carmine and Gino!

I was talking about
Jack Daniel and Jim Beam!

What are you talking about?
I didn't even have nothing
to drink yesterday!

Get out of here!

I seen you in the bar,

filling up a big water glass
full of bourbon!

So I had one drink,

because I've been
feeling lousy lately.

Listen, Veronica,
why don't you come
to my doctor,

who's a specialist
in feeling lousy lately.

Now, look, he'll make some tests

and tell you
what's wrong with you.

I got no time for tests, Murray.

It ain't gonna take long.

He'll know what's wrong
with you the minute you
walk in his office,

and you breathe out and his
potted plants wither and die.

I don't have to listen to this!

There's nothing wrong with me!

- Oh, my God. I feel sick.
- Oh!

Into the can, the can, the can,
the can, the can, the can!

Why do I have to
see a thing like this
so early in the morning?

Now look, being nasty
with her is not gonna help.

What will help is if a doctor
tells her that she's got to
stop drinking.

How will the doctor know that?

She ain't gonna go in there
and admit to no doctor

that she sops up booze
like a sponge!

I'll tell him when I make
an appointment for her!

Murray, the only way
a doctor can cure a drunk

is to sew up the lips.

Jeez!

I can't straighten
out the world, Lord!

So, tell me, Doc,
am I gonna kick the bucket?

Well, eventually,
but don't do it until I get
the results of your tests,

or you'll never know
what you died of.

Well, let's see.

Do you have any allergies?

Only one. Confession.

God forgive me!

- No allergies.
- Do you smoke?

Maybe a pack a day.

That's one pack too many.

- How about alcohol?
- Do you drink?

Yeah, social.

Tell me, is it true, all that
stuff they say about smoking?

Every word.

Do you drink every day?

Yeah, I guess.

Hey, listen, there's
something I wanna ask you.

Is it possible that
my appendix is growing back?

No. Not possible.

How much do you drink a day?

I don't know, you know, like
everybody else, it depends.

- Maybe I have a couple of drinks a day.
- Maybe three.

- For my back.
- Your back?

I forgot to tell you,
I've got this back problem.

You know, it only acts up
when I'm aggravated.

Well, do you get
aggravated a lot?

Do you know Archie Bunker?

No, I don't.

Well, he's my other boss, see?

And once in a while
I'll take a drink at work

because he gives me
such a pain in the...

back.

Well, you are a little run down.

And I'd like you to
stop drinking for a while.

I want you to take vitamins.

I'm going to give you
some free samples.

I don't think you'll have
any trouble giving up alcohol.

No, listen, I can
take it or leave it.

Well, just consider
that last night,

you had your last
drink for a while.

Whatever you say, Doc.

Here's your vitamins.

And for your aggravation at
work, here's a prescription.

This will relax you

and you won't even miss alcohol.

Thanks.

What is this stuff?

- Just a mild tranquilizer.
- It's called Valium.

Look, Sam, your driver
made two bread deliveries.

She did?

Well, look, Sam, she called
you twice because she...

Well, let me tell you,
it was a mistake, okay?

All right, I'll hold on.

Don't tell Archie about this.

Ah, don't worry.

You know, I don't understand it.

I ain't seen her
take a drink all week.

Murray, we gotta
settle something.

Do you want red
horseradish or white?

I don't care, Veronica.

Well, somebody gotta care.

- Well, all right.
- Make it the red, okay?

Okay.

Hello, Sam. Sam?

Ah, hung up.

We also got three deliveries
from the dairy.

- Have you noticed?
- She looks funny.

Did you see that movie
where everybody comes out
of their graves at midnight

and walks around like this?

Yes, I saw that movie.

Veronica, what are you doing?

- Huh?
- What are you doing?

Oh, Murray, we gotta decide.

For the prime rib,
what do you think?

Red horseradish or white?

Well, I thought we settled that.

Oh, yeah.
What did we decide?

Red or white?

Veronica, are you all right?

Sure. I'm fine.

Hey, Murray?

- Yeah?
- It's Sam.

He says he'll take back
the extra bread and only
charge us half.

Oh, he will, will he?
Well, I'll talk to that gonif.

Veronica, choose whatever
one you want, okay?

Okay.

Hey, you supposed to
take so many?

Yes.

Doctor said I should take one
whenever I get aggravated.

You been aggravated
four times in the last hour.

That's a lot of pills.

I only took one!

You must be counting in Spanish.

Even in Eskimo, that's too many.

You're crazy.

Un loco.

- Help! Get in here quick!
- Murray, Harry, hurry up!

- What is it?
- What happened?

- Oh, Veroni...
- My God, she's fainted!

- Yeah, passed out.
- Dead drunk!

I hope so.

Because she just looks dead.

Woman on P.A.: Dr. Hanson.

Dr. Hanson,
report to Obstetrics.

Hey. Psst. Psst.

It's a terrible thing
we're going through here.

Yeah, well, it could
have been worse.

It could have been a tragedy.

Thank the Lord it wasn't.

Well, I'm glad you care
about Veronica.

Oh, her. Yeah, yeah.

I was thinking about me,
you know?

I was nearly k*lled,

coming here with Jose
in that '58 Chevy of his.

What do you mean?

I suppose you wouldn't have
give a damn about that, huh?

- Don't be looking at us, huh, lady?
- Read your magazine.

I get so depressed in hospitals.
They're depressing.

You know, that's why so many
people die in hospitals.

They get the blues, they turn
their faces to the walls,

- and then it's curtains.
- Did you ever think of that?

Not until now.

This is all your fault,
you know.

- What?
- -Sending her to that drug-pusher.

Jose told me all about them
pills she's been popping there,

which she got from
that sawbones of yours.

Look, if he did give them
to her, he just gave them
to help her.

Some kind of help.

If we'd have got that
kind of help in World w*r II,

you and me'd be
talking German today.

You, not me.

True.

Listen, Arch, you've gotta
change your whole attitude
about Veronica.

You've gotta stop
pressuring her.

Stop embarrassing her.

You've gotta start
caring for her.

The woman don't
care for herself!

We've gotta help her care.

- How the hell do we do that?
- By showing her that we care.

What do you want me to do?
Run out and buy a Hallmark card?

Not a bad idea, wise guy.

All we've got to do
is get her off the booze.

How do you know she's gonna
wanna get off the booze?

When she wakes up in there,

she's going to be damn glad
she's alive.

I wish I was dead.

You keep chasing your
tranquilizers with alcohol
and you will be.

But the doctor
give me them pills.

I'm sorry about that.

But a lot of doctors
don't know any better.

You don't cure
alcoholism with Valium.

Hey, I'm not an alcoholic!

Then why did you wash
the pills down with wine?

Because the water
in Queens is bad.

I only meant to take a taste.

Listen, Doc, if you worked
where I work, you'd understand.

I got a boss, Archie Bunker.
He's a tyrant...

Oh, come on now,
you're copping out.

All right, look,
it was an accident

and it won't happen again.

I'm gonna throw away
the damn pills.

And the booze?

Booze ain't my problem.

Ms. Rooney, you OD'd
on drugs and alcohol.

You ended up here
having your stomach pumped.

Now, how does that
sound to you, huh?

Okay, okay, look,
I'll never take another
drink as long as I live.

I promise.

Well, just in case
you have any trouble
keeping that promise,

why don't you
call this number, huh?

Alcoholics Anonymous?

- Mm-hmm.
- -Oh, come on, you gotta be kidding!

Now, what do I wanna talk
to a bunch of drunks for?

I'm not an alcoholic!

Hey, I get up every morning
and I go to work.

I have never been fired
from a job!

- I pay my bills!
- Does that sound like an alcoholic?

A woman who's never
missed a day's work!

You're not at work today.

Hey, you know, I don't
have to listen to this.

Why don't you just get out
of here? Leave me alone!

- Where's my clothes?
- Where are they?

The nurse will get your clothes.

Come on, Ms. Rooney, come on.
Lie down again.

You'll be okay.

Give it about 20 minutes,
you'll be okay.

Thanks for nothing.

It says here it's made in Ohio.

This could be
the last thing on wheels

that ain't manufactured
by the Japs.

It makes you think
about America, huh?

You wanna ride in it?

Leave me alone.

I'm only trying
to pass the time.

Oh, Doc. Dr. Walsh.
Is she going to be
all right?

Not unless she quits drinking.
I mean, completely.

And she shouldn't have
been given that Valium.

That's Murray's fault,
he got her them drugs.

Wait a minute, look, no,
all I did was call my doctor.

Yeah. He made his doctor
give her that "Valamum."

Lucky she wasn't on it long
or she'd have had two
habits to kick.

See that?
A do-gooder always makes
everything twice as bad.

Listen, Doctor, we're
like family to Veronica.

Now, she's not going
to have any more problems.

We'll get her off the pills
and we'll get her off
that booze.

Oh, count me out. Not me.

I ain't got time to be
no nursemaid, Murray.

- And neither have you.
- You must be Archie Bunker.

Yeah. How'd you guess?

Ms. Rooney mentioned you.

Oh.

Is it all right for me
to go in and see her?

- Oh, sure, go ahead.
- Thank you.

Control yourself.

My partner there.

One of them
there fuzzy liberals,
you know what I mean?

He's very naive
about human affairs.

He ain't gonna get that woman
to stop drinking,

because she's having
too much fun drinking.

She's not having fun.

She's an alcoholic
and that's a disease.

And until she admits she has it,

there's not much hope
for her recovery.

How the hell do you
get a drunk to admit that?

It's rough.

Lots of them
lose their families,
their jobs, everything.

Some of them even have
to go to jail before
they can admit it.

It's called hitting bottom.

Well, I hate to tell you, Doc,

but bottom is what that woman
is gonna be out on

if she takes one more drink
at my place.

Now, I... I guess
I seem like a mean guy.

Yeah, you do.

But you might also be
Veronica Rooney's best friend.

Woman on P.A.: Dr. Jones...

Well, I think I am.

You don't have to listen to me!

Talk to her!

Hey, Jose, want me
to heat up the soup?

It'll warm the c*ck
of your heart before
you go out in the cold.

Nah, my c*ck is okay.

It's my ears that get freeze.

Oh, boy, oh, boy!

It is cold out there.
Cold.

Hey, listen, why don't you
go to the storeroom

and bring in
a bottle of bourbon?

I'll heat up some water
and make us a hot toddy, huh?

What?

- Come on, go get the bottle!
- What are you waiting for?

- Come on, do what I say.
- Get it!

Hey, you don't
want me to do that.

You ain't had a drink in a week.

Hey, what the hell business
is that of yours?

- I'm telling...
- Just go get it, huh?

Go on. Do it.
Do what I say. Vamos.

- Okay.
- Go.

And don't go waving that
bottle all over the bar, huh?

You know, I'm feeling
a lot better about this
"nucreal" arms race, you know?

With Ronnie in the saddle,
I think we're gonna win it.

Now, how are we finally
gonna know when we've won?

Well, naturally
we can't know that

until after we use them weapons.

And the whole world
is totally peaceful.

Well, that's what we want,
ain't it?

Good thinking.

Hey!

Yeah, I thought I'd make
myself a little hot toddy.

It's freezing outside.
You wanna join me?

No, I ain't drinking with you,

and you ain't gonna do
no more drinking in here.

Just take your bottle
and get out.

You're fired.

Fired? For what?

I don't want a drunk
working for me.

What are you talking about?

I ain't had a drink in a week!

Seven days! 168 hours!
Does that sound like a drunk?

You know,
it's no picnic around here!

And if I wanna
have a couple of drinks,

you know, just to unwind,
that's my business.

I got a right!

- Yeah, you got a right.
- Yeah!

And I got a right to fire you.

You can't fire me!

I've never been fired
from a job in my whole life!

Up to now.

Now come on,
let's cut the chat, huh?

Get all your stuff together,
get your bottle, and shove off.

- Oh, come on.
- This is ridiculous.

Hey, I ain't kidding, lady!

Out!

And just in case they find you
laying in the gutter someplace,

you better have a note
inside your purse,

with somebody's name
and telephone number on there.

You can put mine if you wanna.

Yeah.

My name is Veronica Rooney,

and I'm...

I'm an alcoholic.

Don't cry, Veronica.
No, no, don't, don't, don't.

Don't cry, huh?

I ain't gonna holler
at you no more.

Don't cry.

Let me get this phone.

Youse alcoholics there.

Well, the party
who was just talking
to you just had to, uh,

tie her shoe.

- She's coming up now.
- Hang on.

Archie, I want
that drink so bad.

I don't know what to do.

You was doing this.

Here, keep on doing this.

Like I was saying...

this is Veronica Rooney...

and I'm an alcoholic.