02x20 - Goodbye, Murray

[bunniefuu]

Now you see, this paper
never tells me nothin'.

Honest, Mrs. Klein,
Murray ain't here.

As God as my witness,
I ain't lying.

No, no, he's not standing here
telling me what to say.

I'm so lucky I never had
a mother who wanted
to talk to me.

God rest her soul.

No, no, I haven't
given him your messages
'cause I haven't seen him,

but I will, Mrs. Klein,
just as soon as he comes in.

Well, no.
No, I think he's just
by himself, Mrs. Klein.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
good-bye, Mrs. Klein.

I can't take this anymore, Arch.

Please, next time
she calls up for Murray,

you talk to her.

You talk, you're the bartender.

You're supposed to talk
to borin' people there,

you need the practice.

I don't need the practice.
I got you.

Listen, why don't you
come in for a hot toddy?

- I can't, Murray.
- I have appointments.

Taxi!

I'll see you
tonight at 7:00.

- Ah, 6:30, huh?
- Dressy?

- Well, wear something special, huh?
- -Okay!

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You forgot something.

- Oh, I love you.
- I love you.

Bye!

Oh, it's about time.

- Good morning, good morning!
- Good morning.

Isn't it a beautiful day?

Yeah, it's a beautiful day
if you're a duck.

It looks like you bought
yourself some new feathers,
there, too.

What is it, the matin' season?

You're getting warm.

I think you're gettin' warm.

I'll be leaving early tonight.

I got an important dinner date.

Oh, oh, that's a very lovely
lady you're takin' out there.

Oh, yeah!

But she ain't gonna marry you.

How do you know?

'Cause, you ain't
good enough for her.

Really?

Well, I'm gonna
find out tonight.

Feast your eyes on this, boys.

There you go.-

Now, that's love.

You're really gonna
pop the question, huh?

Yes, sir.

Oh, gee-whiz, good luck.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, I made a reservation at the Four Seasons,

and I'm gonna propose
between the appetizer
and the entree.

Oh, that's a very smart idea.

So that when she says no,

you don't have
to buy the dessert.

She's not gonna turn me down.

Oh, h*, h*, you're pretty
sure of yourself, there.

Oh, yeah, yeah, very sure.

You see, Marcie was
offered a big promotion

if she wants to move
to San Francisco
as a head buyer.

She turned it down.

Well, how do you know
she's stayin' in New York
just because of you?

I mean, after all,
she's a smart woman there.

Maybe she don't want
to give up the Big Apple

for the fruit basket
of the world.

What? My mother?

Every 20 minutes.

You'd better talk on the phone,

or you're gonna have
to talk to her in person.

Archie Bunker's Place.

Oh, well, hello, Ma.

No, I just this minute came in.

Well, Ma, I had some important
business to take care of.

Show some guts.
Tell her you're
gonna get married.

Listen... Ma, no.

I told you, I can't
come over for dinner tonight.

No, no, I can't get out
of it, it's business.

Tell the woman the truth.

- Will you shut up?
- No!

- No, no, no. No, Ma.
- Not you, no, not you.

It's just some of
the customers arguing.

Well, of course,
they're drinking.

- Well, what do you care what they do?
- They're not Jewish.

- Harry, get me a drink.
- Coming up.

Ain't this sad?
A grown man is just
scared of a little old lady.

- Will you stop?
- Harry, call me.

Murray! Murray!

- Ma, I got to go.
- Harry's calling me.

Another lie.
Another lie?

Listen, Ma, I'll tell you what.

I'll come over tomorrow
and we'll have the brisket
for lunch, okay?

I know, I know.

- Yes, I know.
- Someday I'll be sorry.

Okay. Anyway...

Ma?

Why can't you just
tell her right out

there's another woman
in your life

who's giving you more
than just brisket?

As soon as she says yes,
I'll have something
to talk about.

Hey, you think
your mother will
get along with her?

- Oh, she'll love Marcie.
- She has three phones.

Well, I'm through for the day.

Harry, would you
fix me a ginger ale?
And make it on the rocks.

Sure thing.

Jeez, I wonder why
Murray doesn't call.

You know, so we can
find out if she said yes.

Mmm, from the look on
Murray's face,

I'd say the lady
said yes weeks ago.

- Oh, Barney, come on.
- I'm not talking about, "Yes, I will."

I'm talking about, "I do."
There's a big difference.

Yeah, well, in my day,
a lady never said,
"Yes, I will"

until long after
she said, "I do."

Your day's long passed, Arch.

Yeah, it's a good thing, too.

Women got a right to enjoy life.

Not until they're married.

Well, I hope they do
get married.

They'll make a terrific couple.

Archie Bunker's Place.
He ain't here.
Can I take a message?

Sure they will.

It's nice to see
Murray getting himself

next to a, whaddyacall,
mature woman.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we'll tell him. Yeah.

You're white as a sheet.
You look like you seen a ghost.

Close.

Murray's mother died.

You're kidding.

That was Queens General.
They're looking for him.

His mother had a heart attack.

She was gone before
the paramedics got to her.

Oh, poor Murray.

Oh, God, what a shame.

Yeah, she was always
so nice on the phone.

Oh, yeah, yeah, a lovely
quiet little woman, there.

Never bothered nobody.

Oh, wait a minute, Murray is...

I mean to say,
who's gonna tell Murray?

Come on, Harry,
you knew the woman well.

I mean, the last
couple of years,

you talked to her
more than Murray did.

I'm no good at that stuff.

- Harry...
- No!

Well, you got the woman's touch.

- Oh, no, no, I can't!
I can't, I can't.
-Why not?!

I fall apart with that stuff.

My Aunt Aggie, when she died

I couldn't even tell my poor
old alcoholic uncle, Eddie.

He didn't know she was gone
until after the burial.

Didn't he recognize her
at the funeral?

No, the poor guy
had never seen her
dressed up before.

Please, don't tell us stories
about your strange relations,
huh?

We need help here!

Who's gonna tell Murray
about his mother?

I'd be happy to.

- Yeah?
- Sure.

Nah.

I've had experience.

Yeah, how'd you go about it?

Well, you have to ease
into these things tactfully.

Why, I ran over
my cousin Elmo's dog.

Now, I didn't just blurt out,
"Elmo, your dog is dead."

I led up to it subtly.

I said, "Elmo...

your dog was playing
out on my front lawn

with his little red ball,

and then the little red ball
rolled out under my car,

and I jammed on the brakes,

but it was too late and
I k*lled the little fella."

You wanna tell Murray
that that old Jewish lady
was playin' with a ball?

Well, we could substitute...

Archie: Never mind.

Murray: Okay, okay, we're fine.

Well, hot off the press.

Good news here.

And we want you to
be the first to know.

My Marcie said yes.

- Oh, isn't it beautiful?
- And isn't he wonderful?

Hey, come on, fellas.

- This is a happy occasion.
- Let's celebrate, huh?

How do you like my friends, huh?

They don't know anything...

All right, you guys, what's
the long faces for? Who died?

Your mother.

What?

What are you talking about?

Oh, Murray.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

On the level, Murray.

Barney here,
he was gonna break it
to you gently and all,

but then all of a sudden,
you hit me with that question.

It's true, Murray.

- Come on, Murray.
- Come on, sit down.

I'm with you.

Harry, Harry, could you
get us a brandy, please?

Harry: Sure.

My God.

What happened?

Well, it was her heart,
huh, Harry?

Yeah, yeah, they just called.

She went like that.

She was alone, too.

I should have gone
over there tonight.

I knew that.

She told me that
I would be sorry.
She told me.

Look, Murray,
it's not your fault.

Of course it's my fault.

My mother told me that...

if I didn't come over,

that I'd be sorry and I'm sorry.

Oh, boy, am I sorry.

Marcie:
Murray, Murray, calm down.

My mother's dead,
do you understand that?

And I wasn't there...

when she needed me.

Morning, Murray.

- Morning, morning.
- Marcie been here yet?

She just called,
she's on her way.

- Coffee?
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, hiya, Murray.

Hi, Arch.

Here. Drink this.
It'll help you feel better.

I don't deserve
to feel better, believe me.

I still can't believe it, Arch.

Well, Murray, sometimes
it takes a while, you know?

- Could I have a cup of coffee, Harry?
- -Harry: Sure.

But I think, when you get over
there to the funeral parlor,
you know what I mean?

I mean, pickin' out the casket
really rams it home to you.

It just happened so fast.

Yesterday on the phone,
she was fine.

Yeah, she was fine.

She was makin'
supper over there,

and beggin' you to come over.

Boy, I tell you,
if I'd gone over,

things would be different today.

Oh, well, that's right,
you know.

You wouldn't be goin' over
to the funeral parlor today.

Maybe you'd be goin'
over to your mother's

for the leftover brisket.

Why didn't I go over to her
house for dinner last night?

Well, how could you be
with your mama, Murray?

You was with your girlfriend.

Oh, Mama was such a saint.

A saint.

She sacrificed her life for me.
Did you know that?

Never, never
thought about herself.

Murray, a wonderful woman.

Listen,

you think about it
a certain way,

a man has only one mother.

- Had.
- Right. Had.

It shouldn't
have happened, Arch.
She was so young.

Oh, well, Murray,
you know, after all, 86...

That's young, Arch,
that's young.

Listen, people live to be 100.

I read about a woman who's 135.

Now, that's old.

Well, yeah, but think
about it this way.

If she would've lived on,

maybe you'd have went first,

you'd have k*lled her that way.

Stop trying to make me
feel better, will you?

She died alone.

She was all alone.
She didn't have me with her.

Well, it ain't as though
she didn't ask.

Oh, I should've been
with her, holding her hand,

kneeling at her deathbed.

Murray, don't t*rture
yourself with sad thoughts.

Hey, listen,

maybe she didn't
even make it to the bed.

Good morning, Marcie.

Oh, gee, look who's here.

- Hi, Marcie.
- Would you like a nice cup of coffee, yeah?

- Hello, Marcie.
- Oh, no, thanks, Arch.

We have to be going.
Mr. Freeman is waiting.

Oh, yes, we do.

Where...
Oh, where are my car keys?

- Oh, don't worry, I'll drive.
- Come on, Murray.

All right.

Oh, yeah,
you wanted this here...

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Thanks, fellas, thanks.

Hey.

Well, certainly nice,
the way you comfort
a friend, Arch.

Aw, jeez,
I mean, you know,
considerin' everything,

It's the very least
I could've done.

True.

We call this model,
the Stateroom.

It's completely first class.

Airtight, cement-lined,
no water seepage.

That's important, you know.

- And no vinyl.
- 100% suede cloth.

How much is this one,
Mr. Freeman?

$1,865.

Well, what else do you have?

Well, I've shown you
the woods and cloth-covereds.

Shall we move up to the metals?

By all means.

I shouldn't have wasted
your time, Mr. Klein.

But it's obvious that you loved
your dear mother very much.

Oh, yes, I did.

And you want the best for her.

I do, I do.

Well, here it is.

This is what we call
the top-of-the-line.

Bronze.

Satin lining over foam.

Oh, Mother could
never rest on foam.

She had a bad back.

- Oh, good you mentioned that.
- I'll insert a board.

Oh! Could you?

I'd be happy to.

- Oh, Murray.
- What?

Nothing.

How much is this one?

Will you stop asking him that?
I don't care what it costs.

- Of course you don't.
- I'm sorry, Murray.

3,500 plus tax, of course.

Of course.

If you like,
we could put some
hammered bronze on the sides.

Flowers, stars?

Oh, I don't know.
I don't know.
What do you think?

Oh, I think it's
quite lovely the way it is.

But are you sure?

Whatever you want, Murray.

I want the best.

Mr. Klein, I assure you,
this is the best.

Do you think that
she would have liked this?

She would have loved it.

You are a wonderful son.

- No, I'm not.
- No, I'm not.

Did you hear the way
my mother died?

- No, I didn't.
- Oh, Murray.

- He wants to hear.
- Don't you?

I'd love to hear.

She died alone.

I wasn't with her.

I was out on a date with her.

What a shame.

But you're making up for it.

She'd be proud.

- Think so?
- Oh, I know she would.

Oh. Thank you, thank you.

Now, let me figure out
the rest of the costs.

Fine.

The limousine is $80.

Oh, is that all?

Plus tax.

Oh, good.

Plus 62 cents a mile.

Good, good.

Now, about flowers.

I suggest a double orchid
corsage for Mother.

Fine.

I don't believe this.

- What?
- Nothing.

Now, about her jewelry.

What about her jewelry?

Should we remove her rings?

Well, of course not!

Murray, are you sure?

Of course, I'm sure.

If you'll excuse me,
I'll be right back.

I have to figure this out
to the total cost.

Oh, by the way, we do accept
all major credit cards.

I'll write you a check.

Fine. I'll be right back.

Murray, don't you
think your mother

would have wanted you
to have her rings?

Of course not.

I couldn't take them off her.

Mr. Freeman
would do that.

Absolutely not.

It's going to be
a lovely funeral.

I hope so.

Well, you're getting the best.

All too late.

- Too late.
- Oh, Murray, honey,

don't you think you're being
rather hard on yourself?

Oh, Marcie,
you don't understand.

Of course, I understand.

How could you understand?

Your mother's still alive.

I understand
you loved your mother

and it's a great loss, but...

But, but, but, but what?

But it's not your fault
that she died.

It was her time.

Do you know what I was doing
when my mother died?

Of course.
I was with you, remember?

Well, that wasn't a very
nice thing to be doing
while your mother's dying.

Well, you didn't know
your mother was dying
and neither did I.

Well, I should have.

I should have been there
with her instead of...

fooling around with you.

Last night you asked me
to marry you.

I don't call that
fooling around.

Murray, you're grieving
your mother's passing.

I understand.

- Oh, no, you don't.
- How could you understand?

You don't know how I feel.

How could you?

You just don't know me.

I hope I do.
We're gonna be married.

Well, about that. I...

I just think
we oughta wait a while.

Well, of course we'll wait.

It's gonna take you
a little while to
get over this.

- It will.
- One or two years.

One or two years?

Murray, I don't think
we should talk about this now.

How can I make you understand

that my mother
might have been alive

if I hadn't been out with you?

Murray, you sound
like you're blaming me.

Well, of course not.

What are you trying to say?

Do you want your ring back?

Just keep the ring.

I'll wait in the car.

- Murray.
- Barney.

Ah, thanks, Barney.
Veronica.

- It was beautiful, Murray.
- Thank you.

When I go, I want
a send-off just like that.

Thank you.

Harry.

- It was very nice, Murray.
- Thank you.

- Lovely service.
- Thank you.

Well, you got through
it all right there, Murray.

Mama looked good, didn't she?

Oh, yeah. Hey, better than
the last time I seen her.

Well, the last time
you saw her, she had a cold.

Oh, cold, yeah.

You could move.

- Murray, I'm Mrs. Plotkin.
- How do you do? Hello.

A very good friend
of your mother's.

- And I'm Mrs. Stein.
- Mrs. Stein.

And this lady
is Mrs. Greenberg.

Hello, I'm so glad
you could come.

Oh, we wouldn't have
missed it for the world.

Your mother looked beautiful.

I always loved her
in that dress.

The scarf, well...

I'm so glad that I finally
got to meet you.

Of course, I'm not glad
about the circumstances,

but your mother talked
so much about you

that I feel like
I really know you.

And so do I.
She always made us so jealous.

Her Murray this,
her Murray that.

Really?

What really?

She couldn't have
been more proud

if you'd been a doctor
instead of in the booze.

Well, I appreciate
your telling me this.

What's to appreciate?

Oh, by the way,
I owed your mother $1.53.

And I, 74 cents.

$1.85.

I don't understand.

From Thursday night.

She was the big winner.

In the poker game.

She never won so much.

Well, I don't like
to talk about the dead,

but she wasn't
a very good card player.

Wait, wait,
she played poker with you?

Sure. We used to
play on Thursday nights,

whenever you didn't come
to dinner.

We played a lot.

I never knew.

So now you know.

Your mother died with
a big smile on her face.

Her last words were,

"Full house,
ladies over treys."

Yes.

Well, we must go now.

- Murray, you're a good boy.
- Thank you.

And your mother really loved you

and she was very proud of you.

No matter what
anybody tells you.

Thank you. Thank you
for coming. Thank you.

Everything was so beautiful.

Thank you again.
Thank you.

- Excuse me, there.
- -Hey, Arch, she had a smile on her face.

Well, yeah, that's nice
the way they do that, you know.

You don't understand.
She did not die alone.

- Huh?
- Oh.

I feel so much better.

Yeah, it's a...

I'm gonna call Marcie.
Did you see a phone around?

- Wait a minute.
- No, Murray, you can't call Marcie, she's gone.

What do you mean, gone?

Well, she called
this morning from the airport.

She took the job
in San Francisco.

- Oh, boy.
- She what?

Veronica: Yeah, well...

Oh, my God.

These ain't really
"halicon" days for you, Murray.

- Oh, my God,
I did it. I did it.
- No, you didn't.

No, I did. Look, she's gone.

I drove her away
and it's my fault!

I know that.
I did it! I did it!

- Murray, Murray, you just...
- Murray, hey, hey.

Don't pick up on one guilt
before you get rid of
another one.

I don't like
the looks of this, Arch.

Well, look where we are.
Let's get the hell out of here.

- No, no, no, I don't mean this.
- I mean, Murray.

I'm really worried about him.

Ah!