03x20 - Of Mice and Bunker

[bunniefuu]

Don't eat too fast, now.

Gloria: Joey!

Joey, honey,
did you have breakfast yet?

Mrs. Canby made it for me.

Good.

Do you have to go to work today?

Yeah, I promised Grandpa
that I would.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure. sh**t.

When can we go home?

Uh, honey,

this is our home now.

No, it's not.
It's Grandpa's place.
And I don't like it.

Aw, Joey.

Grandpa's just trying
to be nice to us,

and we should be grateful.

You'll get used to
the smell of his cigars.

I still don't like it here.

Do you?

- Sure I do.
- I grew up in this house.

Oh, honey,
you are going to feel
so much better

when you start school.

When?

Monday.

And over the weekend,
we'll go out

and we'll get you
all-new school supplies.

We'll get you a peashooter
and a slingshot.

We'll even get you
an apple with a worm in it
for the teacher.

Won't that be fun?

No.

Oh, honey,
you know, you won't be able to
take this to school with you.

Oh, I'll take that, Mom.
I'll get it out of your way.

I'll bring it over with me.

Joey, I know what that bag
means to you.

I know what's in there.

Really?

- Sure, I do.
- And it's all right.

No kidding.

It's all right, honey.

It's perfectly natural
to carry your father
around with you.

Who?

You know, like sand
and little shells
and little toys

and whatever else
you've got in there.

See? I understand.

It reminds you of your dad
and all the things you had to
leave behind in California.

But you won't be able to
take that to school with you.

You'll have to
leave it home, okay?

Mrs. Canby, I'm leaving.

Don't you want some breakfast?

Oh, no thanks.

Well, have a good day.

Joey and I might
take a walk later.

Oh, great.

Listen, while you're out,

would you please
stop by a florist

and pick up a new
Mother-in-Law's Tongue?

This one looks bitten.

Sure. We'll do that.

Okay, you guys have a good day.

You be good for Mrs. Canby,
and I'll see you later.

Oh, Joey, don't forget to
put Grandpa's chair back.

I'm going up to
close some windows,
then we'll go, okay?

Sure.

Murphy,

the reason
you're not feeling good

is because you're not eating.

Maybe you'll like
the new plant better.

Archie: Harry!

You know we was robbed.

- I know.
- Take it easy, Arch.

You know who robbed us?

The customers.

The customers, I know.

You told Gloria
to clear out the
storeroom yesterday.

She took all the cartons
and put 'em in the john.

Well, why didn't you tell her

that the john is no place
for the toilet paper?

When she comes in here now,
don't you yell at her!

I ain't gonna yell at her,
and please, don't nobody...

Arch. Arch.

Tell her that
she done nothing wrong.

Hiya, everybody.

- Oh, hi, there, Gloria. Hi.
- Hi.

Who you talking about?

I'm gonna be in the storeroom.

Hi, there, Gloria.

Hi.

Who are you talking about?

Now? Chuck's wife.

- Chuck's wife.
- Chuck who?

Chuck's wife is the wife of
Chuck of Chuck's Meats.

See, what they done was
they sent us over
Chuck's round

instead of Chuck's chuck.

So, you know,
I just have to
check with Chuck.

- Oh, gee.
- That's too bad.

Well, I am ready to
start a fresh new day.

Oh!

Hey, Daddy,
how'd you like what I did

with the cartons of toilet paper

and paper towels?

Oh, you mean putting them all
in the john there, huh?

Yeah, 'cause, see,
that way, I thought then
that if they ran out,

the customers
could help themselves.

Yeah, well,
I gotta tell you the truth.

Honey, that's just what
they done, you know.

They helped themselves
to all of it

and took it home.

Oh, gee. Daddy,

I never figured that people
would steal toilet paper.

Well, even nowadays
it's a terrible popular item.

Ah, here.
A cup of coffee?

- No, thanks.
- Oh, Daddy, I am so sorry.

Would you please
take that out of my salary?

No, no, no.
I wouldn't think of that.

Hey, forget about that.

I got something very important
for you to do today.

Now, I was just
telling Veronica...

- She was telling...
- What was that?

Yes,
he wanted you to, you know,
call the supply houses

to order more paper towels
and more toilet paper
before the noon rush.

- Yeah.
- Order before the noon rush.

- Okay.
- How would I do that?

Ah, you phone.

Yeah, in the office,
where the phone is,

you'll find the number
in the rolo-decky.

Okay. Would that be
under "S" for supplies?

No, that's under "J."
For terlet.

Oh, "J" for terlet.

You got some nerve
putting me on the spot
like that.

- Lucky for you I am fast on my feet.
- -Will you please try to...

Nix, nix, nix.

Oh, honey,
you couldn't have
did that already.

- I didn't have to.
- Harry already phoned.

That was not your job!

Sorry.

Come on,
Gloria, let's you and me
get to work on them menus.

Come on.

Yes. Oh, Gloria,

let's you and her
get to work
on them menus.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Now, listen,
it's gonna work out.

Who said it wasn't?

Here I am.

And here you are.

Listen, Gloria,
I really need your advice.

They're just showing off.

They never understand me.

Mmm!

Oh, that's seafood bisque
working there.

And over there
is the fixings
for stuffed cabbage.

A-ha.

Listen, you got
any good ideas
for next week?

Yes, I do.

I suggest we do
a sushi appetizer

with Shabu Shabu,

and then perhaps
a Mahi Mahi entree,

with a side dish
of Arroz Con Queso.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Well, that sounds
kind of, um...

Kind of...

Ridiculous?

No, no. It's just...

I don't know.
You know, a little fancy.

Come on, Veronica.

It's bad enough
I have to play
these games with Daddy.

Do I have to play 'em
with you, too?

Hey, kid, you're
the boss's daughter.

Yeah, and that's
a lousy thing to be.

It's better than
being the boss's cook.

Hey, Gloria, telephone.

For me?

Harry:
It's Mrs. Canby.

Is something wrong with Joey?

What is it, Mrs. Canby?

Murphy?

We didn't bring Murphy
to New York.

Well, where was it?

In the duffel bag.

What did the kid have
in the duffel bag?

A Murphy.

- A Murphy?
- Yeah.

What's a Murphy?

A Murphy's a bed.

Please!

Oh, poor Joey.
He must be totally freaked.

I'll be right there,
Mrs. Canby, okay?

I've got to get to the doctor!

- The doctor?
- He had a crocodile in that duffel bag.

No.

Well, what the hell was it?
A giant tarantulum?

No, Murphy is a tortoise.

A tortoise.
What's a tortoise?

- A tortoise is a turtle.
- A turtle.

That can't be right.

Look it up.

h

Her

here.

Well, someone's gotta be here.

The door's open
and it's office hours.

Maybe it's Sunday.

Oh, don't be silly.
You know it's Saturday.

Take it easy.
Those are very
delicate instruments.

Take it easy.

You're working against me, Ben.

You're pulling
against me, George.

- Watch it!
- Watch it!

You dropped it!

Why the hell did I hire you?

Because we're
the only two guys
in Dutchess County

who'll work for a crab like you.

I knew there had to be
some compelling reason.

Could you please
open the door for us?

Use your butt.

Can't you be careful?

Yeah, like how?

Well, just make believe
it's a case of Muscatel.

No, we're closed, lady,
we're closed.

Are you Dr. Davis?

Certainly not.

Well, then, where is he?

He's retired.
I bought his equipment.

And he's in Florida
on his honeymoon.

Mom, we've gotta do something.

What's your problem, son?

- It's Murphy.
- He's wheezing.

He's wheezing?

Well, I'd wheeze too
if I was in that bag.

What is Murphy, a cat?

No, he's a desert tortoise.

- Oh...
- What're we gonna do, Mom?

We've gotta find a vet.

Well, come on, honey,
we'll find a telephone book
somewhere.

No, no, hold it, hold it.
You've found your vet.

I am Dr. Adams.

- Oh.
- I want that bag.

Give me the bag, I'm a doctor.

Give him the bag, honey.

That's right.
Let's see what
we've got here.

Oh, yeah.

Oh. I tell you.
Do something for me,
would you?

Stay in the other room
and take care of it.

Take care of the office.
Anybody comes in,

tell them we're
closed permanently.

You do what he says,
honey, and I'll...

be right out.

Now, let's see what we have.

Woo, woo.

Would you tell me

what in God's name you are doing

with a desert tortoise
3,000 miles from his home?

Well, I didn't know
Joey brought him.

Well, do you know this
is an endangered species,

and it's against the law
to own one?

Where did you buy this?

Oh, I didn't.

Joey's father found Murphy
in the Mojave Desert.

Where he's lived happily
for millions of years.

So you decide that
you're smarter
than Mother Nature,

and you move him
all the way here

to New York City.

I didn't decide anything.

You're not listening to me.

See, Joey was supposed
to leave Murphy

in Santa Barbara.

He wouldn't have survived
in Santa Barbara, either.

Why do you think they call
this a desert tortoise?

Is he still wheezing?

He stopped.

Oh, good.

Then will he be all right?

Only if he's lived without sin,

and if there's a hereafter
for tortoises.

Did he die?

- Uh-huh.
- Within the hour, honey.

Are you sure?

Well, lady,

I've been practicing
veterinary medicine

for 40 years,

and I guarantee you one thing:

I know dead.

What am I gonna do?

Well, I advise you
to bury him again.

I couldn't.

I'll take care of him.

Say goodbye.

Goodbye.

It's beautiful.

What are we going to do
with Joey?

Don't worry about it.

I'll take him up to the country

and I'll bury him tomorrow.

- No, Joey's my son.
- That was Murphy.

Well, that makes
a tremendous difference.

How am I going to tell Joey?

Kids are smart.

Joey will
figure it out himself
when he...

When he sees that
the bag is empty.

- Thank you.
- All right.

- No, don't.
- No, don't cry.

Don't cry, you know.

You'll make it twice as hard
for poor little Murphy.

Joey! Murphy's in the drawer.

We'll be
right out, Murphy. Uh.

Please, don't cry. Huh?

I can't help it.

Murphy is dead.

And Joey hates the city,
and I don't have a real job,

and Michael and I are separated.

Do you know
where he is right now?

- Who?
- Michael.

No.

He's on a commune,
standing in line,

waiting to take a shower
with the homecoming queen.

He's gotta be happier
than you are.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't be
bothering you with this.

No, no. I'm sorry.

Would you like
a cup of cold coffee?

Oh, no. I couldn't,
with a dead tortoise
in the room.

But I would like a Kleenex.

- A what?
- A Kleenex.

Here you are.

Try that.

Thank you.

Wait a minute.

Thank you.

Wait a minute.

Thank you.

Poor, poor, poor little Murphy.

Now, uh, do you
love all animals,

or just tortoises?

Oh, I love 'em all.

Especially dogs.

I bought a dog
when we were
in Santa Barbara.

Michael made me take him back.

I should've kept the dog
and taken Michael back.

Well, you know
the best thing about
working with animals?

They take your mind
off people, huh?

Well, I know they're very sweet,

and I know
they're very grateful.

They're very grateful,
and they make
wonderful patients.

They never ask
for a second opinion.

That's what I should've been.

A vet.

That's interesting.

Uh...

are you sure
you don't want
a cup of coffee?

Well, maybe half a cup.

Take mine.

Thank you.

I shouldn't have dug him
out of the ground.

Oh, honey,
you didn't mean
to hurt him.

I'm sure gonna miss him.

Yeah, I'm gonna miss him, too.

More than you miss Daddy?

Mom?

Joey, I don't wanna
answer any more questions
right now, okay?

Can I ask you just one more?

Well, okay.

When are you gonna
tell Grandpa that we're
not gonna live here?

Well, I thought you and I
would tell him together,
tonight at dinner.

What's he gonna say?

What do you think?

I think I'll tell
Billie and Stephanie.

You can tell Grandpa.

Archie, would you like
some apple pie?

I brought some home
from the restaurant.

Oh, hey, I'd love
a big hunk of apple pie,
you know.

But I ain't gonna eat
none of that.

I'm gonna lay off
desserts for a while.

Why?

Hey, little girl,

if you're gonna be around
cooking delicious meals
like this,

no desserts for me.

Huh?

What, what, what?

- Nothing.
- I was just getting up to do the dishes.

I'll help.

I've never seen you so quick
to be doing dishes.

I'm turning over a new leaf.

Oh, yeah?

And what are you doing?

I'm turning, too.

Is something going on?

Daddy.

Joey and I are leaving.

You're what?

I got a job.

I'm going to be working
for a doctor.

Up at Fox Ridge.

There's nobody up there
to take care of you.

Nobody but me!
And that's what I want.

You ain't never
done that before
in your life.

I mean, first it was me,
then it was Michael,
now it's me again!

Not you, me.
I'm gonna take care of me.

- Honey, listen to me.
- If it was only you on your own,

I'd be willing to
take a chance on you.

But who's gonna take care
of my grandson, there?

I am.

While you're working?

I told you. I am.

- Gloria, look, look...
- Please!

Daddy, please.

- It's all arranged.
- It's done.

Is this on the level?

Yeah, on the level.

- No.
- You're leaving here because you can't stand it here.

No, no, no!

Oh, no, no.
You hate it here.
That's all.

All right. You hate it.

I ain't gonna
make you stay no place
where you hate it.

Fox Ridge...

And wait till you hit winter
way up in the country there.

And the snow is
up to your crotch.

I will be okay.

Hey, listen,
it's hard living alone.

I'm not gonna be alone.

I've got Joey.

And we're gonna do fine.

I guess you take after me.

Once you got your mind made up.

Well, isn't that nice?

Not in a girl. No.

Oh, Daddy.

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

Ah, don't gimme that
"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy" stuff.

Ah!

All right.
How you gonna go up there?

The bus.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
You don't go up there
on a bus.

I'll get Harry's truck

and I'll drive
the two of youse up there.

Hey, listen, though,
you gotta do me a favor, huh?

Sure, what?

Get rid of that duffel bag,
there, huh?

Don't please
buy the kid no more pets,
they're dangerous.

Don't let him get involved
with animals.

Did I say something funny here?

Yes.

I mean, what did I say?
What did I say?

What the hell is going on?

I don't know
what's going on
around me no more.

I can't get through.

I love you.