03x28 - The Battle of Bunker III

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Harry, did you
see my little bottle of
Aqua Velveeta here?

I put it in the storeroom.

I almost made
a daiquiri with it.

The storeroom.

Now, why would you
put an item like that
in the storeroom?

Jeez, now I gotta go back here.

Listen, when you see
anything laying around
and it's in the wrong place,

remember, I put it there.

He's going out
with Katherine again, huh?

Uh-huh.

Lucky guy.

I had a date last night
with a girl who sneezed
right in my face,

and then swore up and down
it was impossible for her
to have a cold.

- Boy!
- That's the last time I ever neck with a Christian Scientist.

Barney, if you have the flu,
you shouldn't have all
that liquor on your stomach.

Oh, it's okay, Mr. Van R.
I'll probably throw up
later, anyway.

Uh, maybe you
better go home, Barney.

- Oh, come on, fellas.
- Look, don't make a fuss.

I'd prefer it if nobody
noticed my misery.

Harry: Oh, hi, girls.

Hey, guys.

Are you sick, Barney?

Oh, hi, Billie.

I appreciate your pity,
but don't worry, I'm fine.

- Are you sure?
- You really look gross.
Oh, kind words, Steph.

But, really, I'd feel better
if you ignored my suffering.

Hey, Stephanie.

Why ain't you
out on your bike on this
beautiful Saturday afternoon?

- I don't have a bike.
- Uncle Archie is taking me to the movies.

He is?

Sure. Why, what's wrong?

Nothing, nothing.

♪ Got a date with an angel

♪ Gonna meet her at...

Oh, hiya, kid, how are you?

You really look nice.

You didn't have to
get all dressed up, though.

Well, I wanted to make
myself look halfway decent,
you know,

for a date with my best girl.

- I've just come from the storeroom.
- How do I smell?

Smell good.

Ah, Stephanie,
would you fold
some napkins for me?

Sure.

Hey, Arch.
Could I see you over here
for a minute? Fast?

- Fast, huh?
- When I hear that tone of voice,

I know that somebody did
something stupid.

Yeah, you.

You promised to take Stephie
to a movie?

Oh, my God, I forgot.

Will you stop that?
Why are you weeping today?

- Oh, I'm not weeping, Arch.
- These are tears of sinus drainage.

You see, I have
this complex sinus...

Barney, I don't wanna
hear none of this.

If you're sick,
take your germs
and go home.

- Oh, God!
- What an "infectuous" barrage.

I can see them germs
coming at me
like little b*ll*ts.

And now they're in me.

And now we're all gonna be down.

Arch.

Yes, Mr. Van R.

You oughta have a talk
with Stephanie.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Good advice, good advice.

Um, Archie, you'd better
talk to Stephanie.

Please, you don't have to
tell me what to do.

I already thought of that
myself, you know.

And you got things to do.

Don't be giving me orders, here.

I'm the only one
in this establishment

that gives the orders
to everybody.

Uh...

Hey, kiddo.

Uh, listen, I'm awful sorry,
but I gotta cancel
our movie today.

- Again?
- What's it this time?

Now, wait a minute.
Don't be sore.

To tell you the truth,

I don't think
that picture's suitable
for children your age.

- Annie?
- I'm older than most of the people in the movie!

Well, that's what I mean.

Uh, I mean, why should
a big girl like you

wanna go and see
a bunch of little tiny tots

trotting around and
screaming at each other there,

and Annie with the big,
vacant eyeballs,

and the mutt
scratching himself
there, huh?

Look, just forget it, okay?

No, no,
we don't have to forget it.
I mean, we'll get you there.

Hey, Billie, just a minute,
huh, please.

Don't be looking at me, you!

Come here.
Drop everything you're doing

and take the child
to the picture show, huh?

Archie, I'd love to,
but I'm working.

Always a tricky excuse
for everything
I ask you to do.

I bet it's another date
with Katherine, right?

Absolutely not!

I mean, you cannot
call it a date.

It's just that we're gonna
get together and go out,

you know, fast,
for something to eat.

- Don't worry.
- I'll take you to the movies tomorrow.

- We can't.
- You've got a date with Katherine tomorrow.

No, no.
That ain't a date neither.
You can't call that a date.

You know, we're just gonna
get together
just to see each other.

- Hi, everybody.
- Harry: Hi, Katherine.

- Oh, hiya.
- Hi.

Oh, yeah.
Hi, there.
How are you?

You ready to go?

Archie: Yeah, yeah.
We're ready to go.

And because we're ready to go,
I think that we ought to
go fast.

Oh, hi, Katherine.

I'm sorry I can't kiss you,
because you see,
I got this terrible cold.

And besides,
you're on your way anyway.

- Yeah, well, that's all right, Barney.
- I'll take a rain check.

You just take your time
and get well, okay?

- Okay.
- Right.

She's swell.

Go home. Go home.

Uh, Katherine,
just wait a minute.

I gotta just say something
to the child here.

Hey, kiddo, you know what
I think would make you
very happy?

I'll have Jose whip up
a beautiful chocolate
fudge sundae for you.

Huh? How's that?

Whoop-dee-doo.

That's my girl.
Cheer yourself right up, huh?
That's my girl.

Archie,
if there's some problem,
we don't have to go out.

No, no, no problem.
There's nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.

Right, kid? Nothing?

Right. Nothing.

Yeah, come on.
Come on, let's go.

And, you know,
fast, huh? Fast.

- Hey, Stephie, kiddo.
- Where are you, huh?

- God!
- Why when you're sick in bed

does everybody else
seem to leave town?

Come on, honey,
I don't want to be
left alone with myself.

I'm coming! I'm coming!

- Aw, jeez.
- It's about time, where's the beer?

Ugh!

You really should eat something.

No, no, you don't
want to eat nothing.

I got to force fluids
into my system

to in-under-ate all
the germs there, you know?

You're supposed to
smother a fever
and drown a cold.

Did you never hear that?

Are you sure
beer is the right thing?

- Certainly.
- 'Cause it's got alcohol in it.

You know, the germs,
they can't handle the alcohol.

You must have learned that
in your health class.

Uh-uh.
We're studying reproduction.

Oh, my God,
are you still at that?

Don't make me mad, will ya?
'Cause my head hurts.

Just relax and
drink this one slowly.

Yeah, gimme it, huh?

Mmm.

Ah!

Don't mind me, honey.

And, listen,
I want to thank you very much

for taking such good care of me.

'Cause you're a darling child.

And I promise you,
as soon as I get better here,

I'm gonna take you
to see that movie, there,
what do you call...

- Annie.
- Yeah, whatever.

Hi. How're you feeling?

Oh, I'm terribly ill here,
Barbara Lee, darling.

- But that's okay.
- The kid is nursing me back to health

just like a little
Florence Nightenbird, here.

- That's nice.
- You have a visitor here to see you.

Oh, jeez, I hate visitors!

I don't wanna
see nobody but you two.

In that case, I'll leave.

Oh, no, no. You, too.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Ain't this lovely.
- A visitor.

Yeah. Say hello
to Katherine, girls.

- Billie: Hello.
- Hello.

Since we can't go out tonight,
I thought I'd come over
and keep you company.

Aw, that's swell, swell there.

So, how're you feeling?

- Well, you know me.
- Lousy, but I don't wanna complain.

You must be delirious.

I gotta be going.
We've got to finish inventory.

Wait a minute.

- Inventory!
- I'm the only one that can do that.

No. Jose and Raoul
are doing a fine job.

No, no, keep them
away from everything,
counting everything.

The only thing
they ever take notice of
is the rum and the tequila.

- Go down there.
- Keep them away from the stock.

Go, go, go.

Okay.

Oh!

Calm down.

Yeah, I gotta do that.

Maybe it's
not such a good idea
to see visitors so soon.

What? No, no!
I love visitors.
Jeez.

But you're still
running a fever.

No, I don't think so.

Maybe he is.

Yeah, well, maybe.

Thank you, little darling.

But I really can't see nothing.

Thank you.

You do feel a little warm.

Yeah, but my feet is cold.

And the cold is running up
towards my knees.

You've been
working very hard lately.

Yeah. So, this is
nature's way of saying,
"Slow down."

- Archie: Oh, yeah.
- That's not it.

He's been going out too much.

It's nature's way
of saying, "Stay home
and get more rest."

No, no.

It's nature's way of saying,
"Stay away
from Barney Hefner."

Have you been drinking
plenty of liquids?

- Oh, sure!
- I've been giving him all the beer he wants.

Oh, honey,
you shouldn't give him beer.

He should be having
orange juice.

Well, hey, go get me
a Twinkie from the kitchen.

That'll take my mind
off terrible things.

No more of that,
I brought
some plain yogurt.

He hates yogurt.

It's good for him.

He calls it library paste.

Oh, shut up, the two of youse.

Here, drink this.

I'll give it to him.

Okay, okay.

You've been working
pretty hard here.

Why don't you just
take a break now?

I'm not tired!

Hey, if Katherine says
you're tired,

then you gotta be tired,
you know.

- Do like she says.
- Go on into your room there, take a little rest!

Put that stuff over there.

Ah! That's the girl.
That's my girl, there.

- She always does what she's told.
- She's a sweet child.

God, my head!

Oh, Steph.
Why did you set the alarm
for this hour?

It's only 6:30.

Because we've got to get up.

Get up? What for?

Good night.

I decided to make
Uncle Archie breakfast.

So?

So, you've got to do it.

Steph, no.

Billie?

Hmm?

What do you think
about Katherine?

Katherine?

- I like her.
- I think she's a very nice lady.

Nice?

Yeah, and she's terrific
for Archie.

Please, let me go back to sleep.

I don't think so.

What do you think of her
coming over last night,
uninvited and all?

Well, she really
cheered Archie up.

He hates company.

He doesn't hate Katherine.

In fact, I think
they might even be getting
a little bit serious.

Come on, they're just friends.

Barely.

Then what're you worried about?

Oh, morning, Stephanie.

Um...

Stephanie, I just fell asleep
on the chair in there.

I bet.

Oh. Hi.

Hi.

Oh, you're here early.

No, I spent the night.

Oh.

I hardly got any sleep.

- Oh.
- -Archie snores like a walrus.

Katherine, would you
do me a favor?

This is gonna sound silly,
but would you tell Stephanie
you just got here?

Billie, I spent the night
on a chair,

and Stephanie already
knows I'm here.

- Oh, she does, huh?
- Hmm.

- Okay.
- Well, I've gotta get going to work.

Okay.

Oh, Billie, aren't you
gonna stay for breakfast?

It's the most important
meal of the day,
you know.

- Oh, I can't.
- I've got to open up this morning.

Uh, why don't you come with me?

Um, no.

I've got to stay here
and take care of Uncle Archie.

Oh. Okay.

- Well, have a nice day.
- Both of you.

So, Stephanie,
how would you like
some nice, hot pancakes?

I hate pancakes.

Um.

I can make eggs.
I make terrific eggs.

Not today, thanks.

French toast?
Everybody likes French toast.

The pits.

Uh, well, what do you usually
eat for breakfast?

- Nothing.
- I hate breakfast.

Oh, really?

Gee, I heard somebody say
it was the most important
meal of the day.

Hilarious.

Steph...

Stephanie, look, I'm not dumb.
I know you don't like me.

But can't you just say
one pleasant thing?

Okay.

You're not dumb.

Stephanie,
why can't we be friends?

Look, will you just stop
trying so hard?

I'm not trying so hard.

- Waffles?
- Do you like waffles?

Just leave me alone.

Why don't you just
leave us all alone?

Okay.

I have a lot of
more important things to do.

Look, I promised
your uncle Archie that I was
gonna make him breakfast,

but I'm sure
you'd rather do that.

I'm really sorry, Stephanie,

I hoped we could
be friends, but...

Okay.

Would you please
give this to your uncle
when he wakes up?

What are you doing?

I'm looking for my shoes, honey.

Now, why would anybody
go and hide my shoes
on me, huh?

You don't need your shoes.
You're not going anywhere.

- Oh, h*, h*, h*.
- Yes, I am going someplace right now.

Here they are.
Here they...
Come on, darling.

- Pick them up for me, huh?
- Help me on with them.

God, I put them
nose drops in my ear,

and I keep picking up
this country music station
in Jersey.

There, that's the girl.

I'm so tired, you know.

I got very little
sleep last night.

I had a terrible nightmare.

You want me to
tell you about it?

Raoul, behind my back,

he bought the saloon
from Rabinowitz there.

And he went out
and he hired one of them
flaminglo guitar players.

The guy kept playing
over and over again
"Besa My Cucho."

And Mr. Van R.,
he was dancing around
his hat there

and annoying women
with his cane.

It was terrifying.

You really shouldn't
go anywhere,
you're not better yet.

Oh, honey, I'm scared not to.

Okay. But let's first
have some breakfast.

Whoa, yeah, we gotta
have some breakfast.

What have we got down there?

Pancakes.

- Ah, swell.
- Katherine makes the greatest pancakes in the world.

When did she ever
make you breakfast?

Oh, two or three times there,
you know, after...

Uh, well, I mean to say
I was there.

It was later than that,
you know.

- No, you could call it lunch.
- Call it lunch.

Is she down there cooking?

No.

She just walked out.

What do you mean?

Seemed like she couldn't wait
to get out of here.

- I don't believe this.
- What did she say?

She just said she had
more important things to do.

Well, what is this?

What is more important
than giving me my breakfast

when I'm just getting up
out of a sickbed?

I don't think anything could be.

Well, what... I mean...

She just walked out of here?

She didn't say nothing?

No.

God, I can't understand females.

You never know
what they're up to.

That's true.

But what do we care,
we've got pancakes.

Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
We got pancakes. But I...

- Harry!
- What happened to that beer I ordered?

Coming.

- Hey, Harry, come on.
- My beer takes precedence.

I've got a salted peanut
lodged in my esophagus.

In a minute.
I'm mixing Bloody Marys here.

Hey, one of you guys
come out and give me
a hand, huh?

Anything I can do to help?

Yeah, Mr. Van R.

Give Barney
the Heimlich maneuver.

And if that don't work,
take your cane
and whack him across the back.

I'd rather have the beer,
if you don't mind.

Que pasa?

Yeah, Raoul,
give me a hand, will ya?

Draw me six beers, okay?

Draw?

- You know.
- Make believe you're Archie.

Ah!

Okay.

Hi, Billie.
How's your uncle feeling?

Oh, he's still sick.

Oh, good.
I'll have another beer.

To go.

Archie, what are you doing here?

I'm here to do my work.

If I don't come here,
who's gonna do my work?

Billie! Pick up!

Don't be looking at me, you!

This is worse than my nightmare.

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

What are you doing
with my vest on there?

Hey, Arch. Good news.

I'm almost over my cold.

Harry, you know what I
want you to do

with Typhoid Barney here, huh?

When he's finished
that drink over there,

bust his glass
into a thousand pieces,

charge him for the glass,
and then burn it!

- Don't yell.
- You just got up.

- And you better sit down.
- Right here.

Harry, you finish yelling
at Barney, will ya?

There you are.
I tried to call you at home.

Oh, h*. I'm surprised
you had the time
to turn up here.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about you.

I thought you was gonna
make me some breakfast.

- You were asleep.
- That's why I left the note.

Well, all I heard was that
you just wanted to leave,

and you just went
right out the door,
waiting for nothing.

You said you had
more important things to do,

and I don't know nothing
about no note.

Oh, I see.

I think I can explain.

You see,
I meant to leave the note,

but I was in such a rush
I forgot.

I'm sorry.

Well, I guess
it don't matter much.

I'll make it up to you.

Yeah, how?

Well, for starters,
when you're feeling better,

you can come home over
to my house,
and I'll make you dinner.

We can start with
a nice dinner salad and...

Can you drop in
some of them m*dget tomatoes
that I love so dearly?

Yeah. Lamb chops?

Yeah. Double cut.
With them little elegant
lace panties on them.

Right.

Then I forgive you
of everything.

Uh, tide's out.

Hey, hey! What is this?

More Latin terrorism
in my kitchen.

This ill*gal keeps trying
to give me orders!

Why?

- I got the vest!
- I got the vest!

Cut that out.

I better get back in there.

The "Guatemalian"
second cook, see,

he might m*rder
the "Nicaroogan" first cook.

You didn't have to
cover for me, you know.

Why did you anyway?

Well, because
I'm not a squealer.

I guess I should thank you.

No.

But I'll settle for a truce.

Okay.

I think I just got mad
because I couldn't see Annie.

Give me the vest, damn it.

Jeez. Why does
one little hunk of uniform

turn an ordinary peon
into a dictator?

At least over there, see,
in that corner of my life,

there's a little tranquillery.

If you say so, Arch.

Certainly, I say so.
Look at it.

What are you two looking at?

Oh, over here,
Mr. Van R.

It's just Katherine.

She's sitting over there
with my little niece,
Stephanie, there.

No, that's the pinball
machine over there.

This way, Mr. Van R.

Oh.

Ain't that nice?

That's nice, nice, Arch.
Very nice.

- Yeah.
- I'm gonna go over and have a talk with them now.

- Hmm.
- Yeah.

Hey, go play
the pinball machine,
I need the chair.

- Oh, Archie.
- Hi.

Stephanie and I decided
that the three of us are
going to go to the movies.

Oh, h*, h*.
Ain't that lovely.
The three of us, yeah.

Yeah, we thought
we would go see...

Reds.

Archie:
Reds?

What does youse want
to see Reds for?

I mean, I ain't got no objection

to seeing a movie
about baseball.

But why don't we wait
till they make a movie
about the Mets?

Who cares about Cincinnati?

You know what
youse ought to see?

And you would love it
there, is Annie.

Nah.

- Nah!
-Oh, come on.
What do you mean...

That's the perfect picture
for a child your age.