01x18 - Miracle on Ice

[bunniefuu]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ANNOUNCER: And now DreamWorks'
"The Penguins of Madagascar."

[THEME MUSIC]

-Hit it!

[THEME MUSIC]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUMBLING]

-Ah, hobby day, it's like
taking your regular day

and making it a Saturday.

-But it is Saturday, Skipper.

-Hm, it's working already.

-Oui.

[SCREAMING]

[GROANING]

-Help me, please!

[SCREAMING]

-This better be life
or death, Ringtail,

or we can arrange those stakes.

-It's much worse!

My groove, it is gone!

-Your-- huh?

What?

-My groove, my boogie, my
festive fandango-iness.

-Are you talking about dancing?

-Are you daft?

Hear my words and see my booty.

-So you think you can't dance?

-Oh, cruel fate.

I remember it like
it was yesterday--

mostly because it was yesterday.

All right, Maurice, hit it!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHING]

-Are my peoples loving it?

-Um, not really.

[YAWNING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPING]

-Look at them, Maurice!

Baboons have stolen my peoples.

That Darla is bewitching
them with her shaking booty.

-I know I'm bewitched.

-Yeah, she is quite good.

But that is no excuse!

So I decided to have a
little talk with Darla

and explain my feelings.

[SCREAMING]

DARLA: I've been skunk-bombed!

-Ew!

-That does stink.

Ah, much better.

KING JULIEN [VOICEOVER]: Having
settled the matter fairly,

I went back to giving the
peoples their entertainment.

-Look at them, Maurice!

Now it is my quaking booty
that is doing the bewitching.

-I know I'm bewitched.

KING JULIEN [VOICEOVER]: But
those baboons, they would not

listen to sabotage--
I mean, reason.

[SCREAMING]

-Did you drop that fuzzy bag
of stank into our habitat?

-That is a wild accusation.

-So, y'all saying
you didn't do it?

-Oh, no, I did it.

I just think the
accusation is wild!

-Mm-hm.

Now I'm gonna say this
slow, because I can tell

y'all got a bad
case of the stupids.

-[GASPING] Maurice, how did she
see the royal medical report?

-Y'all are gonna apologise,
or my gals and I are

gonna make us a
set of lemur coats.

-Oh, can I have one?

-Uh--

[WHISPERING]

-I cancel my order.

-Well, I demand an apology for
your demanding of an apology.

So there, Miss Steals
All My Peoples.

-Now, now, look, Darla,
we can work this out.

-Forget it, hon--
not gonna happen.

Girls, bring me the jar.

[SINGING] You won't dance when
I put your groove in this jar.

No, you won't dance when I
put your groove in this jar.

Stand right where you are, while
I put your groove in this jar.

Yes, it's true, my friend,
you're never gonna dance again,

since I put your
groove in this jar.

Hee-haw!

-OK, aside from some
terribly substandard singing,

what just happened?

-Backwoods magic, that's what.

I put all your
groove into this jar.

-Heh.

There's no such thing
as backwoods magic.

The sky spirits told me that.

-Oh?

Then let's see you dance.

-Prepare yourself
for the amazement.

Maurice, give me a beat.

[BEATBOXING]

-Look out now!

[GASPING]

-So y'all believe
in my magic now?

-No!

No!

So now you're understanding
why I am needing your help?

Help me, penguins!

Help me so that my groove
may fill my booty once more.

-Ah, this is clearly
psychosomatic.

You believe your dance
skills have been stolen,

therefore you can't shake it.

-Right.

It's all in your
little head, Ringtail.

-No, no, no, the groove
is not to be in my head.

It is to be in my booty.

But it's not there either.

Look!

Eh, I got your boat out for you.

-Uh, got any ideas for this?

-Look, Darla, can you just
give Ringtail his groove back?

-Well, sure I can, darling.

-Yes!

Thank you!

Thank you!

-As soon as he apologises for
skunk-blasting me and my gals.

-Oh, I won't do that.

Apologising is for
the weak and wrong,

which is why you
should do it to me,

because you are weak and
wrong and you dance badly.

OK, you may resume negotiating.

-Fine, Plan B it is.

-Gentlemen, our
objective, a groove jar.

Operation Runaway Jar will
begin at 0700 hours sharp.

Phase one, the art of illusion.

-Wow!

KOWALSKI: Phase
two begins when we

insert Rico into the hot zone.

With his stunning
disguise as cover,

he'll embed himself
in baboon society.

He'll live among them
for weeks, months, years.

Then once he's gained
their complete trust,

he'll give the signal.

[MUMBLING]

KOWALSKI: At that
point, we commence

phase three, aerial onslaught.

That's when the fun begins.

We'll rain flaming righteousness
down on those baboons.

Yes!

There will be
collateral damage--

PRIVATE: Um, excuse me, wouldn't
it be easier to just sneak

into their habitat and take
the jar-- like I just did?

-Well, yeah sure, that--
that could work too.

KING JULIEN: My groove!

Thank you!

Thank you--

[GASPING]

-Darla, you have
saved my groove.

Oh, wait, you're not
giving it back, are you?

-Well, that depends.

You ready to say you're sorry?

-Depends.

Are you saying you're sorry?

Eh?

-Then I guess that's
a big, ole no.

-You think you've got
all the angles covered,

don't you, baboon?

But you didn't count
on this monkey wrench.

-Aw!

-Ow!

-Run, Maurice!

-I'm flying!

I'm--

[SCREAMING]

-I got it!

-Rico, catch!

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

-Huh?

[GASPING]

-No!

[CRASHING]

-My-- my groove.

-Kiss it goodbye, honey.

You ain't never dancing again.

-N-- n-- no.

-Buck up, Ringtail.

I'm sure Kowalski could
whip you up some new groove.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

What the deuce?

That ain't right.

Kowalski, analysis.

-Skipper, you seem to
be shaking your booty.

-Quite impressively,
I might add.

-Uh-huh.

-But I'm not doing this.

Something's making me dance.

-You-- you have my groove.

It is not all
bye-byed after all.

Yay!

-Get it out of me.

-I don't know how.

DARLA: Guess who does?

-Is it Santa?

-Yea-- what?

No!

I'm the only one
who can fix this.

But am I gonna?

-Santa would.

-Well, I ain't Santa!

-Hey!

-What if Julien apologised?

-That's all I'm asking, hon.

-Have I not made my policy
on apologising clear?

It is for the weak and wrong.

-Listen, Ringtail,
I'm about to show you

just how weak and wrong you are.

Apologise now!

-Uh-uh.

-OK, then.

Let's dance.

-Huh?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-I can't look away from
the raw savage splendour.

-I want to cry, but I don't know
if it's because I've ever seen

anything so beautiful or
something so horrific.

[IRISH DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

-I have never seen--

-Wow, just wow.

music

[LAUGHING]

-Penguin's funny.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-OK.

OK, no more.

Mercy.

I, you know, apologise to you.

-Groove, move.

-What?

That's it?

No song?

Is it what I think?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-I think-- yes, it is!

My grooviness is back!

Ah, thank you!

Thank you!

Mort, Maurice, come!

We have to play catch-up
on the lost booty shakes.

-I don't get it.

What in the world made me shake
my tail feathers like that?

-Maybe Darla's magic was real.

-Don't be ridiculous, Private.

Cold, hard science negates
even the possibility of magic.

-OK.

Then maybe Skipper has a
dancer buried deep inside him.

-Magic's real.

Case closed.

-But science--

-Nope, I said case closed.

[THEME MUSIC]

[LAUGHING]

-Come on, challenge me!

Give your king a real
race to the bouncy.

Hey!

That's too real.

Give me much slower racing now.

-[SARCASTICALLY] Whoa!

-[SARCASTICALLY] Yay!

-[SARCASTICALLY]
Look, I'm running.

[LAUGHING]

-Whoa!

[CRASHING]

-Your Majesty!

-Something dangerous
and painful has

happened to the royal bouncy.

Mort, you jump too
so we make sure.

-Wee-- Ow!

-OK, now Maurice-- but
head first this time.

[GROANING]

-Total inflation pump failure
on the lemurs' bouncy, Skipper.

Polar bear cooling fence,
kangaroo auto-feeder,

chimp reading lamp, all down.

-Looks like we've got
some bad habitats, boys.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-Attention, panicky mob.

Clearly this is phase one
in the space squid invasion.

I'd advise you all
to keep your heads.

Space squids always
start with the heads.

-Space squids?

Guys, I think we're
just having a blackout.

-Well, that's just what the
squids would want us to think,

Marlene.

If you truly are Marlene.

-You know, I
believe she's right.

The entire city is
suspiciously dark.

-Well, I guess
that's a perfectly

logical explanation for-- hi-ya!

Show your tentacles,
you squid spy!

-Hey!

Let go!

-What are you do-- oh!

-Her story checks out.

-A blackout?

We're gonna run out of food!

[SOBBING]

-I'm concerned about
the rise in crime rates.

-Yeah, I hear that's
a real problem.

-Not to worry.

Penguins always have a plan.

-My generator can
supply emergency power.

And with the food rationing
programme we've set up--

KING JULIEN: Stop!

This is no time for
planning and reasonableness.

With no electrical power, the
zoo has now become a jungle.

And who is the
king of the jungle?

OK, I'll give you a hint.

He is also the king of the zoo
and the outlying Midtown area.

And it is me.

OK, no more hints.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-Negative.

There is no such
thing as jungle law.

-Oh, really?

Perhaps everyone
would like to hear

the opinionings of a
certified jungle lawyer.

[CLEARING THROAT]

-All hail, King Julien.

Case closed.

-Case open!

[LAUGHING]

-Oh!

-You can't seriously
be falling for this?

-Well, he's got a briefcase.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-This is gonna end very
badly, your Majesty.

And when this jungle
law does fail,

I will have four sweet,
sweet words for you.

-Aw, "I love King Julien"?

-Ye- no.

"I told you so."

-What?

-Nobody tells the
king I told you so.

-It is unspoken of.

-Well, we'll just
see about that.

Hm?

-Yes, we will.

And right now I
will be seeing you,

penguins, giving your king
the royal sponge bath.

[LAUGHING]

-Ooh!

-I call topsies.

-Private, we're not part
of this kookball's kingdom.

Come on, boys.

-Here you go.

Knock yourself out.

-Ooh!

Oh!

-And now beings the gloriousness
of the gold-inish age

of the new dawn of the
mighty reign of jungle law!

-Oop.

Hang on.

I forgot to lock
the security hatch.

What in the name of
Eisenhower's oatmeal?

-What happened to
all the peanuts?

-OK.

That was fast.

[SCREAMING]

-Hand over your food, you mooks!

[ROARING]

-Are you gorillas gonna
give everything back nicely,

or does this get ugly?

[SCREAMING]

-You have feet.

Give Mort feet.

Mort needs feet!

-You stole Sad Eyes, too?

-Eh, you never know
when you'll need one.

[ROARING]

-Oh, guys-- guys!

Thank goodness you're back.

-It's a madhouse up here.

-What happened to King Julien?

-He must've cracked
like an Easter egg.

I knew it.

All right, men, jungle law has
stunk up our zoo long enough.

Time to apply some
penguin-scented disinfect

to this mess.

-Mess?

[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]

Don't be so wrong,
silly penguin.

Clearly this screaming
and rampaging

is to celebrate three successful
minutes of jungle law.

Hooray!

[CAWING]

-Also, I am resting, not hiding.

-Well, well, well,
King Ringtail,

I believe I owe you a few words.

-In random order, they
are-- told, I, so, you.

-Allow me to unscramble.

-Ah, shush-ies.

This is not "I told you so."

The royal me is still on
top of all these things.

-Ringtail, no!

They'll rip you apart.

[SCREAMING]

-Yes, yes, everybody likes
the chaos and the mayhem,

but we need orderly
chaos and nice mayhem.

-You stink, Julien!

-OK, we talked
about this, Pinky.

We express our
feelings as words,

not the violent throwing-- whoa!

[ROARING]

-Yo, Bada, what kind of
ransom do you get for a king

these days?

-Playtime's over, primates.

[SCREAMING]

-If I don't get some
food right now--

[SCREAMING]

-Oh!

Peanut head!

[TRUMPETING]

[SCREAMING]

-Kowalski, analysis.

KOWALSKI: King Julien
requires immediate rescue.

But to stop the
zoo-wide panic, we

need to get the criminal
element under control too.

-Ay yai yai yai yai yai!

-Also, somebody should
probably take care of that.

-We've got three
problems-- Ringtail,

Sad Eyes, and criminal gorillas.

I want teams of two on each.

No man enters the
danger zone solo.

-Uh, Skipper, that would
leave us two men shy--

-Nah, nah, nah, nah,
never tell me the maths.

If we need two recruits,
we'll find two recruits.

-Wait.

What's a--

[SCREAMING]

BOTH: Huh?

-OK.

That was, uh, kinda fun.

-Get him.

-Woo-hoo!

-It's OK, Mort.

We're not gonna hurt you.

-Not true, Private.

I did authorise lethal force.

-Yah!

-Ow!

Ow!

-Peanut head!

Peanut head!

-We're only here
to talk, friend.

[TRUMPETING]

-Straight turkey, no judgments.

-Are you crazy?

The dude's head doesn't
even look like a peanut.

-What?

How dare you insult my
gloriously peanut-shaped head!

[SCREAMING]

-Oh, golly.

-That ain't right.

-Huh?

-Bye-bye.

-Huh?

[ROARING]

-OK.

Come on, let's return the loot.

[PAINFUL GRUNTING]

-Time to change tactics.

Tiny lemur, the feet need you.

-The feet?

[SCREAMING]

-Why won't you go down, peanut?

[SCREAMING]

-Peanuts.

-Phew!

I have seen my entire life
and many gigantic nose

nuggets flashing before my eyes.

Thank the sky
spirits that is over.

-Feet!

-There he is.

You were supposed to protect us.

Hey, whoa, I could've
really hurt somebody.

-Jungle law is for fools, baby!

-Yes, yes, everything turned
out most wonderfully in the end.

You may now decide among
yourselves how to praise me.

I demand to talk to
my jungle lawyer.

-Dude with the briefcase?

Haven't seen him.

-Guys, we have to do something.

We can't just let this happen.

-I don't know.

I am dying to see that
catapult in action.

-Looks like this my last chance
to say what needs to be said.

-So long, sucker!

-A moment, please.

I've got a few words
for you, Ringtail.

-Oh, no.

Not now.

He couldn't.

-I told you that
this plan was genius.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-Say what?

-Well, his jungle majesty
knew that in a crisis

the biggest danger
is mass panic,

so he sets up this post
apocalyptic wasteland scenario

to keep everyone's mind off
the blackout-- brilliant.

-All right.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[CHEERING]

-Skipper, you gave up
an "I told you so."

That's the most noble
thing I've ever seen.

-Sometimes, Private,
you've just got

to set your sights
a little higher.

KING JULIEN: Yes!

Praise me!

For I am so much greater than
any penguin could ever be.

-Rico, set the sights
a little higher.

-Uh-huh.

[CRASHING]

KING JULIEN: Ah!

I have been meloned!

-All hail the king.

[THEME MUSIC]