03x04 - Action Reaction

[bunniefuu]

ACTION REACTION

Oh, give it up, Hans.

This weapons lab is
under penguin protection.

You're not stealing anything.

Ah, you are right. I surrender.

- Really?
- No.

I blast you!
I blast you so much.

Kowalski, options.

I recommend a methodical
and carefully thought-out...

Reckless action it is.

You will not defeat me, Skipper.

This time, I have the upper wing.

Oh, ouchy.

You did it, Skipper!

Well, Hans won't be raiding
this lab tonight.

And it's a good thing.

Every nasty chemical on these
shelves is bottled bad news.

Uh-oh.

Kowalski, this is the good
kind of glowing, right?

Like for traffic safety
and such?

It appears Skipper has
absorbed a large dose of...

Inflatium.

Bad glowing!

Not as long
as Skipper stays calm,

but if his blood pressure
starts to rise,

he will expand
like a balloon until...

The only treatment is a steady diet

of no action, no adventure,
and absolutely no getting angry.

Meh, I'll be fine.

- Hello, silly birds!
- What the...

Evac lemur annoyance ASAP!

Hey, I was hearing
the party-party balloons,

and I came to "party-cipate."

Wait, wait,
I can make this work.

- Uh, party sa...
- Julien!

You must stay away from Skipper.

You listen to me.
I will part-e-c...

Okay, point taken.

Uh, I'll just take it down
a notch on missions.

- But Skipper...
- Either that,

or I retire and become some
pencil-pushing desk monkey.

Is that what you want, Kowalski?

Me behind a four-legged
quitter's table?

Pencils and bananas?

Don't worry, Skipper.

We can show you ways
to relax and stay calm.

Oh.

Um, is that rude noise
just the sound of you deflating?

- Or, um...
- Moving on, Private.

The surest method
for ultimate relaxation,

pushing the untested
boundaries of science.

That's how I always...

Don't touch that!

m*ssile launch activated.

Targeting eastern seaboard
in t-minus three...

Two, one.

- No, no, no
- Canceled.

Enjoy your continued
safe existence.

Uh, you'd be surprised
how often that happens.

Rotate me.

Yes, Mort.

I shall fly into the penguin
party, like a regal eagle.

I thought you weren't allowed.

Maurice, stop being stupid-y.

If the king says he will go to a
party-party, then you must let him go!

- Okay.
- No...

- ♪ Come along and sing a song ♪

♪ we will help you to stay calm ♪

♪ when you feel an anger wiggle ♪

♪ calm it with a jolly giggle ♪

♪ and when your
blood starts to rise ♪

♪ hide it with a smile disgui-ise. ♪

Say, that is relaxing.

Uh... this ain't no party.

Little help.

- This... is how you relax?
- Hold on one second.

Let 'er blow!

I hope Rico had better luck.

♪ When you feel an anger wiggle ♪

♪ calm it with a jolly giggle ♪

We need a new strategy.

There must be another way...
what is that?

It's a desk.

It's got all the latest, Skipper.

- Lumbar chair.
- Ooh, comfy.

Multi-colored sticky notes.

Shirtless ninja-a-day
calendar!

Hooyah!

Try and think of this as the start
of an exciting new role,

one where, instead of
going on missions,

you file drawings of them.

See? Here's one of you
accepting your new job.

Rico, surrogate outrage.

New rule... from now on,
this HQ is a desk-free zone.

But, Skipper, you'll pop.

But, Private, blah, blah.
You can't bench a leader.

Now who among you can
do what I do in battle, huh?

Kowalski, action.

- That sounds just like Skipper.
- It works for me.

I do more than that.
I'm on the front lines.

- Obstructing evil!
- Mm...

And if a mission arises, you simply
submit an action request form.

You're right.

Maybe I should...
smoke screen!

It's the alarm for the weapons lab!

Hans must be raiding it again.

What should we do?

Oh, move out...
without me.

We'll make you proud, Skipper.

It's the rushing blindly
into danger I'll miss the most.

Target acquired.

Hans may be tough, but as long
as we work together, we should...

...be easily captured.

Ahem, Kowalski, action.

Hey, fancy party!

- Ringtail.
- Ooh, office party theme.

Nice. I got just the stuff
to make it fantastico.

Ah, I see you didn't
get the memo

about crazy pants Tuesdays.

We like team players
around here, buddy.

Get out of my office.

There's no "my" in team.
Time is money.

- File these owies.
- These wha...

Owie, owie, owie,
owie, owie!

Greetings, Skipper.

I see you send your troops
to fight for you now.

Hans! What have you done
with my men?

Oh, you mean my trap bait?

Well, why don't you come
see for yourself?

Or else.

Heh, "or else" what?

It's scarier if he imagines it.

Inflating body or not,
my men need me.

I can do this.
This calls for...

an "action request form"
in triplicate.

There we go, everything's
in its nice little...

Check it!
I photocopied my butt.

Ringtail!

Actually, we don't have a copier.
So I just drew my butt.

Must keep calm.

Wait...
I think this is your butt.

Hey, you okay?
Looking kind of gassy.

I'm upset and
it's not just 'cause of you!

My men went into battle
without their leader,

and now they're at the mercy
of a psycho puffin.

Well, inflating body or not,
it's time to lay down the law.

Get ready, Hans.
Papa Justice is coming for you.

Eh, this is definitely not my butt.

Hmm, I like the plasma coil,
but do I own too many already?

Perhaps a test is in order.

The shadow of your doom is...
over my head?

Hans, let my penguins go.

Skipper, you're...
different.

- He has a condition.
- Never mind that.

I may be in a ridiculous state,
but I can still...

Hey, hey, stop it.

- Stop it.
- Can it be?

Is the great Skipper actually...
defenseless?

Come on, fight fair.

Like this?

At last, Skipper will not foil Hans.
Win for Ha...

The Inflatium... it's protecting
Skipper from damage!

It may be stopping me from
taking damage, Kowalski,

but not from dishing it out.

Ooh-ah!
Let's bounce.

- Aah!
- Opa!

- Boing.
- Oh, ow, ow!

- Neutrino cannon!
- It tickles!

Oof, House blaster.

Try again.

Electro-beam.

Ion ray.
Particle phaser!

Fusion turret!
Laser wave!

b*mb-zooka!

Smash atomizer!
Zap-o-matic 9000!

Big Bertha!

Hans, booby,
you're wasting my time.

How's that for a desk monkey?

Heh heh, I've still got it.

The faux copy!
It is Mort's butt.

You did it, Skipper.
Yay!

Ah, but he did not foil me.

It was the idiot, not Skipper.

I'm sure Skipper
doesn't care about that.

I was gonna beat him!

- In ridiculous state.
- Skipper, your temper.

He's approaching critical mass.

I... still... had it!

Ew.

Poor Skipper.

- Over here, Private.
- Whoa!

I'm somewhat confused.
What happened, Kowalski?

Fascinating.

It seems the Inflatium merely
popped you out of your outer coat.

And left you with a rather
shiny replacement, I might add.

Ooh, it's a win-win.

I'm back in action and spared
the worst fate imaginable.

- Popping like a balloon?
- No, sharing a desk with that guy.

Eh, little help here? Spilled
the glowing shampoo on me.

Ringtail, I've got
some owies to file.

Riding the ridiculous!
Whoo-hoo!