03x09 - Smotherly Love

[bunniefuu]

[BELL CHIMES]

[THEME MUSIC]

-Hit it.

[SINGING]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Gentlemen, after
reviewing all the evidence,

it is my sincere
belief that the culprit

is right here in this very room.

-[SQUAWKS]

-Oh, dear.

-It was the perfect plan.

'Cept for, uh, 'cept
for-- [WHISPERS] why?

-One small detail.

-Right.

It was the perfect
plan, except for one

small detail, the
[INAUDIBLE] job.

-Hey, guys.

-Tally-h*, Marlene.

-Rico?

-Could Marlene be
our innocent victim?

-Hmm.

OK.

-What?

-It's for Rico's play,
"Death Takes the Subway

and Then Gets a Cross-town
Transfer on the A Bus."

-Wow.

Catchy title.

Anyway, you know what this is?



-It's Enrico Guitaro.

-Master of the Spanish guitar?

He's your absolute favourite.

-He's playing in
the park tonight.

I can't go, obviously.

-Because when you leave the
zoo, your savage, untamed nature

takes control.

And you become scary.

-You know, Kowalski, a
little less exposition

and a little more
solution would be nice.

-It's a shame that with
all your inventions,

you haven't come up with
one that could help Marlene.

-Well, um-- [MUTTERING]

-How's that, Kowalski?

You say you invented
something called the Persona

Disentanglelizer that
just might do the trick?

-[GASPS] How did you know?

-Don't let my casual
disinterest fool you people.

I know everything that
happens in this unit.

Rico.

-Oh.

-So, the question
is, why haven't

you done anything about
Marlene's condition yet?

-Because, Skipper, though
my device would surely

remove Marlene's beastly nature
from her, is that a good thing?

I mean, philosophically?

--[GROWLS] You know how
I feel about philosophy.

-I think, therefore I am.

Uh, pretty sure
you're against it.

-Exactly.

-If it gets me into
the concert, who cares?

Zap me.

-Fine.

Smile.

-Marlene?

Are you all right?

-Yeah, I think so.

Why?

Do I look all right?

Do-- Did something go wrong?

-No.

You look like $100, sister.

Now let's get you to that show.

-Um, I'm just--
[CLEARS THROAT] curious.

What if if didn't work?

-Please, Marlene.

It's one of my inventions.

OK.

Point taken.

-We'll know as soon as you
step over that threshold.

You turn into a horrible beast
that tries to rip our guts out,

then it's a fail.

-OK.

I just put my-- I don't know.

Maybe I shouldn't risk it.

Hey!

-There you go.

-I'm not turning into a monster.

Am I?

-No, you're not.

Hooray!

-Tip of the old
chapeau, Kowalski.

Your gizmo did the trick.

-Every once in awhile, I
hit one out of the park.

Or into the park in this
case. [SNORTS AND CHUCKLES]

-Oy.

SKIPPER: What is it
about Latin melody that

stirs the passions of the soul?

-[WHISPERING] I think
we should go now.

-What?

-But we just got here.

-[YELLING] I want to go home!

Please take me home.

Home is safe.

Safe is good.

Home!

Now!

-OK OK.

Calm down.

We'll go.

-Are we there yet?

-We'd get home a lot faster
if you just open your eyes.

-The mosquitoes love eyes!

-Kowalski, you broke Marlene.

She's nothing but a
quivering lump of fear.

-She'll be back to
normal once she's

rejoined to her savage
nature, which is safely stored

inside the Persona
Disentanglelizer.

-Was that there before?

So the not-so-safely-contained
savage nature has taken

physical form and
is off running wild.

That about right, Kowalski?

-What if it comes back?

Oh, we'll be in terrible danger.

I should hide.

-Marlene, the one place we're
sure it isn't is right here.

-Perhaps we should
watch the lunicorns.

They are soothing.

-Boring.

-So the question is, where does
a raging bundle of fury go?

-Um, I think I know, Skipper.

-Terror strikes Midtown
as an unknown creature

causes a smouldering swathe
of wholesale destruction.

The Northwest has its
Bigfoot, and now it

appears that New York has
its own ferocious Littlefoot.

-Ah!

Wait, that's me.

-Good heavens.

It's a crazed
destruction machine.

-Hey, I'll crush that in a day.

-Boys, I think you know
what we have to do.

-Grab that Littlefoot?

-Uh, I was just
practicing with, um,

your little foot.
[CLEARS THROAT] Hup, hup.

Let's dash then.

REPORTER: With me
now is Supervisor

Eubanks on animal control.

What is your department
doing to end Littlefoot's

rampage of terror
and destruction?

-Well, Chuck, for starters,
we've baited all of our traps

with peanut butter.

This isn't the cheap stuff.

This is the real deal--
chunky and organic.

-Are-- are we still talking
about the peanut butter?

-We're talking
about bringing it.

-Not gonna happen, ma'am.

Not until you realise
that abomination

of nature somehow
involves penguins.

I'm the only one who gets it.

And that's how I'm gonna
get my old job back--

Officer X is on the case.

-My sensors indicate the
monster went this way.

-Really?

You needed one of your
geek-a-trons to tell you that?

[GROWLING]

-Oh, dear.

-Somewhere inside
that abomination

burns some ember of our Marlene.

And I know just how to reach it.

Rico, guitar me, por favour.

-Ole.

[PLAYING SPANISH GUITAR MUSIC]

-It's working.

-Huh?

When did you learn to
play the guitar like that?

-Eight years hiding in
the jungles of Mexico.

You pick up a few things.

-Gotcha.

-Officer X?

-I'm gonna call you "Ticket."

Because you're my
ticket to my old job.

[SNARLING AND SNIFFING SOUNDS]

Hmm.

I don't mind saying,
that guy vexes me.

He's a vexer.

-X!

Good to see ya.

Department hasn't been the
same without your appetite

for violence and mayhem.

-Animal control--
it's what I do.

-And you were the best, X. Were.

-Until the penguins.

Got a gift for ya.

[SNARLS]

-Littlefoot?

This isn't about the penguins?

-It's about you getting
the glory on the TV news

and me getting my job back.

But yes, the penguins
are involved.

-What was that?

-Glory.

Focus on the glory.

Satisfied?

-Welcome back, officer.

-Well, what is it?

-A horrendously embarrassing
robot victory dance.

-What do we do now?

No one's ever
broken out of Animal

Control Supermax Facility.

-We're not gonna break out.

We're gonna break in.

-Break into Supermax?

-We put Marlene back
together inside.

And while they're on a
wild Littlefoot hunt,

we slip out under their noses.

Flawless plan.

-Except, we're going to have to
bring Fraidy-otter Marlene here

to do it.

-Oh, yeah.

That's a small flaw.

Flawless, Private,
because you are in charge

of getting Nervous
Nellie to come with us.

-Me?

-She will trust your
innocent adorability.

And you can always
do that boosh thing,

and knock her out and
drag her if you have to.

-Oh, flawless.

MARLENE: Lookout.

Are you driving too fast?

I think I saw a spider.

What's that smell?

Is it gas? [INHALES] Poison gas!

Are there bats out here?

They could eat part of my fur.
The moon looks really big.

You don't think it's getting
too close to the Earth, do you?

What if it smashes us?

-I swore I'd never use it again.

Boosh.
-Agh!

What are you doing?

Are you trying to freak me out?

Well, good job, because you did.

Is that a bear?

I think I saw a bear.

There are bears chasing us.

Maybe I stay in the car.

Is it safer in the car?

-No, because of the,
um-- the zombies.

-Zombies?

Oh, no.

-Really?

-Kowalski, this
country was founded

upon motivating people by fear.

Rico, get us in there.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Is that a zombie?

-Shh.

-[GASPS]

-It's a toy duck.

[QUACKS]

-Ladder?

Oh, no.

No.

No, sir.

I don't like heights.

I don't--
Please don't drop me.

Please don't drop me.
Please don't drop me.

Please don't drop me.

Please don't drop me.

Please don't drop me. [YELLS]

Is this place safe?

Doesn't look so safe.

I need a place to hide.

-The whole plan hinges on
the element of surprise.

Which means you must be quiet.

Understand?

Kowalski.

-All right.

We'll need to open the
cage without disturbing

the creature, and then place
Marlene next to it so we can--

-Oh, perfect.

I could hide in here.

-Marlene!

No!

-[YELLS] Worse than [INAUDIBLE]!

[GROWLS]

-What do I do now?

-We cry like babies as
we're torn limb from limb.

[ALL GASP AND YELL]

[GROWLS]

-Interesting.

The creature seems to be
befuddled by its doppelganger.

-Hey, Professor
Multisyllable, take your shot.

-So you caught the creature?

-It is a gift.

-But, weren't you also
the unstable Officer X,

obsessed with penguins.

-That was a different Officer X.

-You mean, he's
changed or there's

another guy named Officer X?

-Whichever shuts your news-hole.

Now, let's have a
look at the beast.

-Stand back.

-This must be one
scary whatever it is.

-What the--

[BURPS]

-It would appear that this
Officer X is indeed the Officer

X who was obsessed
with penguins.

So obsessed, that he snatched
an innocent penguin from the zoo

and tried to pass it
off as Littlefoot.

Sick.

-Not Officer X, just X.

-I hate penguins.

-How do you feel, Marlene?

-Good.

Balanced.

I feel cautious, but not
scared, wild, but not feral.

-And look, you're outside
without turning nutso.

-See I guess I have the power
to control my savage side.

I just didn't know it 'til
she and I were face-to-face.

-Exactly.

And this whole adventure was
just a clever ruse on our part

to make you see that the
power was always inside you.

-Sure.

Right.

That's why you created a monster
that destroyed half of Midtown.

-Hey, that's what
friends are for.

Ya nut.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SKIPPER: Ah, autumn in the park.

Boys, take in the sights and
sounds of the village green.

[SNIFF]

-Ah.

-Oh.

What's that smell?

-Probably that
police horse again.

-No!

I smell it too.

It's foul, rotten, nasty-- with
a beguiling hint of cherry.

It's Hans.

Denmark's most wanted puffin.

Get him, boys.

-Wait.

Why do you assume
I came to fight?

Maybe I stopped by
for idle chitchat.

-Not likely.

-True.

But if we did the occasional
lunch or went to the seashore,

I might not make
things like this.

Behold, the
Hans-matic9000 Freeze Ray,

the ultimate weapon.

-[SNICKERS] Freeze ray.

I've got four of
those in the basement.

-This one also makes a
delightful cappuccino.

-Oh, really?

Where do you froth the milk?

-Right there, in the handle.

You see it?

Yeah, with the-- with their
little, uh, cinnamon-- no!

You get me off topic!

Prepare for your doom!

[SIGHS] And there's
the cappuccino.

That's what I get for jobbing
out to a third party vendor.

I'll be back.

-He's getting away.

-Negative.

Rico, take the pep
out of his step.

[GASPS]

[YELLS]

-Pat's pennyloafers!

This is a civilian!

Code Red!

Code Red!

[SIREN SOUND]

[YELLS]

-Crash cart coming through.

-Isn't that rather high voltage?

--[CHUCKLES] I think
I know what I'm--

-No.

Though I've never met
this possum before,

I have a feeling she's never
quit on anything in her life.

And she's not quitting now!

You hear me?

You're not quitting on
me, perfect stranger.

[INHALES]

-[YELPS] That'll do.

So who wants a little lunchie?

-Ma'am, lie down.

You've had a rough morning.

-Oh, knock the M off that ma'am.

Call me "Ma."

Everybody does.

-What's the diagnosis, Kowalski?

Shell-shocked?

Bats in the belfry?

Insane in the membrane?

-Despite an overly active
mothering instinct,

she's right as rain.

-Then it's time
she hit the bricks.

-I couldn't find your oven.

But this big hair dryer
seemed to do the trick.

Wait, it's a little hot.

You Need me to blow on it?

Let me blow on it.

-Look, lady, it's like this.

I'm glad you're feeling
hale and hearty,

but the last thing my team
needs is a mollycoddling mother.

Makes 'em soft.

-Oh, I see.

I know how this goes.



But now, they've all
grown up, left the pouch,

and me all alone.

[CHOKING]

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

Commence mollycoddle.

-Well, since you insist.

[GULPS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[KISSES AND BLOWS]

-h*.

Hmm hmm.

-Glue.

Tweezers.

Macaroni.

-Sparkles.

-Sparkles?

-Yeah, sparkles.

Without sparkles, it's just
macaroni glued on a soup tin.

What good's that?

-He, uh-- has a point, Kowalski.

Done.

KOWALSKI: And what good
is it now, exactly?

-It's a sparkling pencil holder.

-Oh.

Do possums use pencils?

[MUTTERS] Ah!

-Men, I'm going to
pose a question,

and I want honest answers.

Could Ma be making us soft?

[LAUGHTER]

[SCREAMS]

-[GASPS] A boo-boo.

-[CRYING]

-Do Rico want Ma
to give it kisses?

Make it feel all better?

-[SOBBING] Uh huh.

-OK [KISSES] Better?

[KISSES] What did you
boys do without me?

-Morning, Ma.

Headed topside
for some marching.

All right, men.

I want a tight formation
and a sharp step.

-Oh, wait.

It's cold out there.

You'd better put on
some warm clothes.

-Um.

-Warm clothes?

-Cold for penguins?

-Aw, Ma.

Do we have to?

-Gotta hand it to Ma,
we do look delightful.

-Ha ha!

We meet again.

And this time, w--
what are you wearing?

You look adorable.

Almost too adorable
to annihilate.

Almost.

-Take cover.

-Not so brave when the--
wha-- blast worked.

OK.

Just hold on a second.

Just wait here for a
second, 'cause I'll be back.

-Rico! [INAUDIBLE].

Oh, and, uh-- let's
watch the civilians, OK?

[YELLS]

SKIPPER: Woo ha!

Get some.

-And just what do you
boys think you're doing?

-Ma?

-Playing with weapons?

-Ma.

We're the thin,
black-and-white line

that protects the world
from puffin-plotted peril.

-Suit yourselves.

Don't mind me.

I never wanted to be a burden.

[CROAKS]

-Ma!

Stand down, men.

Stand down.

We won't do it again, Ma.

Promise.

-You really think
this will fool Ma?

-Absolutely.

These decoys have been
scientifically constructed

to foil even the most
sensitive of maternal detection

capabilities.

-Well, they'd better.

Every moment we waste
is one more moment

Hans is out there, plotting
our gruesome demise.

-Is there such a thing as a
demise that's not gruesome,

Skipper?

-Manfredi and Johnson
and the day spa incident.

-Oh, yes.

What a relaxing way to go.

-Let's roll.

OK.

Smoke 'im out.

MARLENE: [COUGHING]
What-- [COUGH]

What are you guys doing?

-Hunting Hans.

We thought he might be
hiding in your habitat.

-Why would you think that?

-Marlene, I make constant
split-second decisions.

Not every one is
gonna be correct.

Now, if you'll excuse us,
we've got to carpet b*mb

the chimp habitat
before Ma wakes up.

-Wait, what?

-Well, Hans might be
hiding over there,

and I'm willing to make a
devastatingly hasty decision

to find out.

-OK.

One, he's probably not.

Uh, two Ma?

-Our surrogate possum mother.

-I'm her favorite.

-Yeah, right.

-Knock it off, men.

Who cares who Ma's favourite is?

It's me.

Well, it is.

Ma's fragile.

-A mere mention of us
confronting danger,

sends her to the edge
of the eternal abyss.

-You're kidding, right?

You're not.

Guys, she's playing possum.

-Uh, no, Marlene.

Ma's not playing.

Ma is a possum.

-Come on.

You had to know that
possums act like stiffs

when they're in trouble.

They just-- they just
play like they're dying,

but it's all a big fake-out.

-Oh, well, duh, Marlene.

'Course we know
about playing possum.

What does that have
to do with, uh-- oh.

-Oh.

-But-- oh--

-Oh.

SKIPPER: Hello, Ma.

-There you are.

I was worried sick.

And you know what
stress does to me.

-Oh, cut the theatrics.

We know all about your
little marsupial tricks.

-Skipper?

W-- w-- what are
ya-- [GASPS] Oh, no!

[GASPS] This is it!

[GASPS AND CHOKES] Oh.

-Nope, lady.

Just nope.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

[GASPS]

-Anyone want the last
of Ma's halibut hash?

I can't eat anymore.

It tastes like tears.

-Did we really have
to send Ma away?

-She mollycoddled
us into big babies.

And-- And-- I'll take
some of the halibut hash.

[CHEWING]

[SOBBING]

[ALARM]

[GIBBERISH]

-So we meet again.

-Yeah, yeah.

We've heard it before-- twice.

-Yes.

But this time, I've put a
new spin on an old classic.

-Ma!

-Yes.

I have you dear, beloved ma.

[LAUGHS]

Ah.

[STOPS LAUGHING]
[BEGINS LAUGHING AGAIN]

Ah.

Oh.

[CLEARS THROAT]

-Hans, you may laugh longest,
but I'm gonna laugh last.

Maybe longest too.

Don't know, playing that by ear.

Kowalski, pain and
punishment options.

-Well, Skipper, we have,
um, macaroni and crayons.

-What?

Well, where are
the brass knuckle,

the bamboo shoots, the, uh--

-Dangerous things don't
belong in the home.

-Aw, Ma!

-Rico, it's up to you.

Barf with extreme prejudice.

[BUBBLING SOUND]

-Huh?

-Wah--

-How did you get to that?

-Well, this calls for fighting
the old-fashioned way,

with flippers of fury.

Shut the pathological
puffin down, boys.

-Aw, that's touching.

Look how much you
love your mommy.

-Her name is Ma!

-Now, you are
completely powerless.

I can do anything I want
to you-- anything at all.

You like this?

You want more?

[LAUGHS]

-[GASPS]

-Oh, wha-- [YELLS] Oh, no.

Even a miscreant
like myself doesn't

hurt sweet little mama ladies.

-Well, you saved
our bacon today, Ma.

You're welcome to
spoil my team any time.

-Thank you, Skipper, dear.

But I'm needed elsewhere.

Somebody needs some tough love.

Now, be a good boy
and eat your peas.

-Never.

I hate the vegetables.

[GASPS]

-I'm eating.

I'm eating.

[CLOSING THEME MUSIC]