01x12 - Blondes Have More Fun

[bunniefuu]

[Uncanny alliance's
"I'm beautiful dammitt!"]

Singer: ♪ I'm
beautiful, I'm beautiful ♪

♪ I'm beautiful, dammit! ♪

♪ I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful ♪

♪ I'm beautiful, dammit! ♪

♪ I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful ♪

♪ I'm beautiful, dammit! ♪

♪ I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful ♪

♪ I'm beautiful, dammit! ♪

♪ "Go away, little
girl," they used to say ♪

♪ "hey, you're too fat,
girl, you can't play" ♪

♪ "hey, hold on, little boy,
what you trying to do? ♪

♪ You know you're too
black to be in our school" ♪

♪ too black, too white,
too short, too tall ♪

♪ too big, too green,
too red, too small ♪

♪ too, too, too black ♪

♪ too, too too black ♪

♪ too black, too white,
too short, too tall ♪

♪ too big, too green,
too red, too small ♪

♪ too, too, too black ♪

♪ too, too, too black ♪

♪ ain't this my sun? ♪

♪ Ain't this my moon? ♪

♪ Ain't this my world
to be who I choose? ♪

♪ Ain't this my song? ♪

♪ Ain't this my movie? ♪

♪ Ain't this our world
to be who we choose? ♪

♪ I'm not too short,
I'm not too tall ♪

♪ I'm not too big,
I'm not too small ♪

♪ ooh, lemme
start lovin' myself! ♪

♪ Ooh, lemme
start lovin' myself! ♪

♪ I'm not too short,
I'm not too tall ♪

♪ I'm not too big,
I'm not too small ♪

♪ ooh, lemme
start lovin' myself! ♪

♪ Ooh, lemme
start lovin' myself! ♪

♪ Ooh, baby girl too
bad you're so white ♪

♪ three shades darker you
would've stayed the night ♪

♪ hey, hold little boy,
you don't belong here ♪

♪ run along to the
back, you know where ♪

♪ too black, too white,
too short, too tall ♪

♪ too big, too green,
too red, too small ♪

♪ too, too, too black ♪

♪ too, too, too black ♪

♪ too black, too white,
too short, too tall ♪

♪ too big, too green,
too red, too small ♪

- ♪ you don't belong ♪
- ♪ too, too, too black ♪

- ♪ you don't belong ♪
- ♪ too, too, too black ♪

♪ I'm not too short,
I'm not too tall ♪

♪ I'm not too big,
I'm not too small ♪

♪ ooh, lemme
start lovin' myself! ♪

♪ Ooh, lemme
start lovin' myself! ♪

♪ I'm not too short,
I'm not too tall ♪

♪ I'm not too big,
I'm not too small ♪

♪ ooh, lemme
start lovin' myself! ♪

♪ Ooh, lemme
start lovin' myself! ♪

♪ I'm beautiful, dammit! ♪

[Theme music playing]

[Upbeat music playing]

Yo, my man, ed.

You ever get a
song in your head?

You know who did it,
but just can't come up

- with the name?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Well, how does it go?
- Um,

♪ I'll be your man
in the morning ♪

♪ and your sweet
love in the afternoon ♪

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
I used to dance crazy

to this song. What
is it, what is it?

♪ I'll be your sugar
in the morning ♪

♪ and your sweet
stuff at night ♪

Yo, yo, yo, yo! The
Mary Jane girls, man.

That's right, you
know what I'm sayin'?

So, you got... you
got, but the thing is,

you got it all messed
up because you got it

bass ackwards, man. It's like,

'I'm your only girl'
instead of 'man'.

You know, you got
your genders confused.

- All right, all right.
- Like, uh,

♪ so when you need a little ♪

Both: ♪ peace of mind ♪

- ♪ in my house, oh! ♪
- Excuse me.

In my house, we do police work,

of which there is a
never-ending supply.

You got a woman's body,
Broadway and 10th street.

♪ So let's go on the streets
and fight some crime ♪

Something's up, man.
What, did Sandy forgive you?

Nothin' to forgive,
ed, you know that.

I didn't do anything with tami.

Yeah, I know that.

But I know you were
spendin' all that loot

on those flowers to
try to convince her.

See, that's where
you're different.

The truth, my brother,

that'll always set you free.

Yeah, truth is, you had
a serious lack of love.

[Indistinct radio chattering]

[Suspenseful music playing]

- Whatcha got, wong?
- Looks like a Picasso.

What do you think? One
of his weeping women?

I think your art education ended
when your 'etch-a-sketch' broke.

- Who found her?
- A jogger.

And her is a him. I peeked.

Stabbed about six times.

Time of death somewhere
around 4:00 or 5:00 A.M.

Look what he did to her!

And those pearls,
take those off!

She wouldn't wear those.

Let him through. Come here.

What are you sayin'?
These aren't his pearls?

Of course not. She'd
never wear those.

Someone put that cheap
costume crap on her.

Couple of vics in the
west village, same thing.

Hmm, maybe it's the same k*ller,

- dressin' them up.
- I run a club down the block,

and word got out
that there was a k*lling.

I came to see. [Sobs]

Oh, god.

J.c.: His name is Dean Harris.

He told us in the car
that him and the Vic

have been friends
for the last few years.

Runs a drag club
over on Broadway.

They shared an
apartment on 10th,

not far from the crime scene.

Any witnesses?

Two alley cats and a rat.

Cooper: Great.

Thanks for coming, Dean.

You have to get the
b*stard who did this.

Look, I know how terrible
you must be feeling,

but there are a few details
we need some answers to.

Like where were you
between 4:00 and 5:00?

At my club. Uh, I
didn't close until 5:00,

and then I went home.

Well, can you tell
us about Emilio?

About your relationship? I
mean, you didn't have a fight

or anything last night, did you?

No.

The waters were
very still last night.

Even if she and I
had fought, I mean...

You have no idea
what Ruby meant to me.

You mean Emilio.

Ruby.

She died as Ruby,

and she always
will be Ruby to me.

And I don't expect you
to understand, and further,

I don't expect
you to do anything.

What are you looking
at me like that for?

You think that I did it?

Well, that's par for the course.

I loved Ruby.

And there's at least a
dozen people who'll swear

that I was at the
club last night.

Now, if you really
want to find the k*ller,

come to the club and ask
all the questions that you like.

- We'll be there.
- Dean: Fine.

Have you ever heard the names
Martin case or Devon Kingsley?

Of course. Those were
the two drag queens

who were k*lled in the village.

I tell you, they were
never in my club.

[Indistinct chatter]

All right, here's the deal.

You two go in there
like big macho men,

you're gonna come up with zip.

What are you tryin' to
say? You... that we gotta...

- No, no, get... no, no.
- All right, look,

we may have a serial
k*ller on our hands.

You say they found
her with fake pearls?

- Yeah.
- Okay, the two vics

in the village, same m.O.

It's our k*ller's fetish,

and consistent
with the serial type.

We have to put a lid
on this fast, all right?

And besides, you two will look
adorable in your winter frocks.

[Cheryl Lynn's "got to be real"]

I ain't puttin' on no dress.

Singer: ♪ what you think ah ♪

♪ what you feel now ♪

♪ what you know, ah ♪

♪ to be real ♪

♪ what you think, ah ♪

♪ I think I love you, baby ♪

♪ what you feel now ♪

♪ I feel I need you, baby ♪

♪ what you know, ah ♪

♪ to be real ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ your love's for real now ♪

♪ you know that
your love is my love ♪

♪ my love is your love ♪

♪ our love is here to stay ♪

Hello.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Dean laughs]

I can't believe it.

You actually showed up.

Dean?

Dinah.

J.c.: Oh, we're sorry

we didn't recognize you, girl.

The ugly duckling has turned

into a beautiful swan.

[Laughter]

Check yourself, swanee.

These are my friends.

Lucille: All the way
from Dallas, Texas.

Where the men are men,
and the sheep run like hell.

I'm Lucille.

- Venus.
- Fantasia.

Dinah's crazily depressed,
and I'm just plain crazy,

so I'll be showing
you two around.

Dinah, go have a drink.

Have several.

We are going to
have so much fun.

Come on, you two
big bronze queens.

I want to introduce
you to some of the girls.

Singer: ♪ what you feel now ♪

♪ I feel I need you ♪

♪ what you know, ah ♪

♪ to be real ♪

♪ it's got to be real ♪

♪ to be real ♪

♪ it's got to be real ♪

♪ to be real ♪

[Cheryl Lynn's "got
to be real" continues]

J.c.: Flowers for the
most beautiful woman

I have ever laid my eyes on.

I mean that.

There's something you
need to understand, j.C.

Sandra, I'm sorry, okay?

I messed up with tami Barrett.

And I promise
you I'm never, ever

gonna kiss another woman
without asking you first.

You better keep your promise,

because you almost had an "ex"

in front of "boyfriend".

Oh, no, no.

Listen,

why don't you just tell
me what I need to do

to make it up to you?

Well, hmm,

some partners are coming
in from London this Thursday.

There's a dinner.

[Sighs]

All right, um, but
you know what?

We might have
to do a little bit of,

uh, double dating.

I got to go undercover
as a drag queen.

Oh.

J.c., you're kidding.

I wish.

But you know what?

You could zip me up.

It'll make me a better woman.

Come on.

[Gloria gaynor's
"I will survive"]

Mc: Dinah's is proud to
present miss understood.

♪ At first, I was
afraid, I was petrified ♪

♪ kept thinking I
could never leave... ♪

All I'm sayin' is,

if I went after a big black
bear with my huntin' knife,

you'd claim I had
a daddy fixation.

You'd be dead wrong.

- [Chuckles]
- Jack, sweetie,

are you going to make
me the star of your epic?

That's cold. Ruby still
warm in the ground.

- Who are these two?
- I'm Venus,

and this is fantasia.

We hear you're doin' a movie?

Why don't you
tell us all about it.

Yeah, a little
documentary on the club.

At least I was till
Ruby got k*lled.

She was the star,

like the girl in
Paris is burning.

- She was magic.
- Wechsler: Sure was.

Venus, fantasia.
I'm Dr. Kurt wechsler.

Pleasure. How you doin'?

He's a bonafide shrink.

He's analyzing us in his book.

J.c.: Ooh, child,

then you better
stay away from me,

'cause analysis in
my book is a what?

- Four-letter word.
- Wechsler: That's where

I'm different. All
the old paradigms

about what's male and
what's female are worn out.

We need new models.

That's what puts you
girls on the cutting edge.

J.c.: Ooh, so that
makes us what?

- Sexual pioneers, girl.
- Mm-hmm.

Chaney: It's none
of my business.

Keep my name out of it.

- What's that about?
- Wechsler: Oh, it's the guy

from next door.
Mr. Enlightenment.

- Leave me alone!
- Wechsler: Drew chaney.

- Chaney.
- Wechsler: Total neanderthal.

- Chaney.
- Eddie: Uh-oh, I got to go.

♪ Go on now, go ♪

♪ walk out the door ♪

- Chaney.
- Chaney: I have told you,

you are sick! You're a freak!

And don't come back
over here, you hear me?

Just don't come
back over here again!

Why would I want to?
You're the one that's sick.

- [Whimpers]
- Eddie: Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Just get your hands...
- Get off.

Don't, don't touch me!

Freak. Stupid freak!

Yeah, I'm talkin'
to you, all of you!

Just freaks!

[Indistinct chatter]

Come on, dinah, let's go.

Get away from king Kong here.

He's a very sick man!

He hits people around here.

Sure, honey.

Guy's a jerk.

He wanted me to
turn down the music.

His customers...
What few there are...

Were complaining.

You two girls stay away
from that Mr. Drew chaney.

[Suspenseful music playing]

The music was too loud?

Didn't she want to press
charges against this creep?

We could bring him
in and question him.

We asked around.

We found out that he's had four

or five nasty run-ins
with the girls at dinah's.

One involving threats
made with a knife.

Well, that sounds promising.

You got anything
on chaney's history?

One of five black men
who lived in salt lake city

and didn't play for the jazz.

I ran his sheet.

Got arrested for
as*ault ten years ago,

bar fight, but the other guy
eventually dropped the charges.

All right, keep your
eye on this guy.

Check out his alibi the
night of the murders.

And you met a film director

named, what, giles?

Ken burns wannabe.

There's also this shrink.

He's, um, researching a book.

One of those new age types,

filled with, uh, infinite...

- Both: Possibilities.
- All right, old school,

check out this chaney's alibi,

and then go see if you can
find the doc's book in the library.

If they don't have it
there, try the strand.

But I have a feeling
we gotta move on this,

- because the clock is ticking.
- Okay.

[Staple singers'
"I'll take you there"]

Singer: ♪ oh ♪

♪ I know a place ♪

♪ oh, yeah ♪

♪ ain't nobody cryin' ♪

♪ no♪

♪ ain't nobody worried ♪

♪ no, no ♪

♪ ain't no smilin' faces ♪

♪ mm, no ♪

♪ lyin' to the races ♪

♪ no, no, no ♪

♪ help me now ♪

♪ I'll take you there ♪

J.c., Sandy, this
place is fabulous.

Nothing like this in
the west end, I'm afraid,

but I think you'll manage
once you get the hang

- of how we do things.
- It's a great opportunity,

don't you think, j.C.,

to work abroad in the u.K.?

It came up recently,
um, a job offer in London.

I haven't had the
chance to tell you about it.

Oh, I see.

You know what? I am
really getting hungry.

Um, this roasted chicken

and pepper sounds great.

♪ Ain't nobody cryin' ♪

♪ I'll take you there ♪

Yo, all I'm sayin' is
Sandy couldn't have

possibly been serious
about taking that job,

because if she was,
she would have never

gotten back with the brother.

Whatever you say, kid.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, it means that
Sandy's ambitious,

and she's super frustrated
with her gig here in town, man.

Well, I'll tell you this,
I love that woman,

but I don't think I'm
gonna make it as a Bobby.

Especially as a
cross-dressing English one.

- Right, pal.
- Here's the good doctor's book.

- Oh.
- Thanks.

"A psychiatric study

of transsexualism
and transvestism."

Mm.

"By doctor Kurt
wechsler." Very exciting.

[Peaches & Herb's
"shake your groove thing"]

Singer: ♪ there's nothing
more that I'd like to do ♪

♪ than take the floor
and dance with you ♪

♪ keep dancing ♪

♪ let's keep dancing ♪

[Upbeat music playing]

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪

♪ shake it, shake it ♪

♪ shake your groove thing ♪

♪ shake your groove thing ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ show 'em how we do it now ♪

♪ shake your groove thing ♪

♪ shake your groove
thing yeah, yeah ♪

Can you shed some light
on drew chaney for us?

Garden variety h*m*.

Well, I don't like
the way that scene

was playin' out the other day.

Is that the first
time they fought?

You see, we heard
he's been beating up

on several of the girls.

Well, sure, they've
had a lot of run-ins,

but that doesn't
mean he's a m*rder*r.

[Sighs] Maybe. But
so far, he's our best bet.

Hey! We need another body.

Venus! Get on up here.

Not for all the gold
in China, doll. Uh-uh.

What about silver,

as in silver screen, baby?

Come on up there.
I'll make you a star.

- Excuse me.
- Work it, girl.

If you really want
to get in my favors,

maybe you could show
me one of those little movies

that you're making

you show me first.

That's all you had to say.

Come on, fantasia!
It's time to what?

- Work!
- Ahh! Here I come

to save the day!
Excuse me, queen.

[Upbeat music playing]

[Indistinct chatter]

As a man, I'm small, ordinary.

As a woman, I'm a fox.

Who doesn't want to be foxy?

A lot of guys
freak out about me,

but that's okay,

as long as they don't hurt me.

I see what you mean
about star quality, man.

Miss thing is fierce.

I mean, she's like the
woman in the silent movies.

[Chuckles] Villain tied
her to the railroad tracks,

she screams and waits
for the hero to rescue her.

Well, you know all
the players, Jack.

Who could have
played the villain?

I've watched this
tape over and over,

lookin' for a clue or somethin'.

I really liked Ruby.

Love to get my hands
on the guy who did it.

Male, female, straight, g*y.

All these terms really
have to be reassessed.

He's so deep.

I don't buy this
guy for a second.

He adds a different
color to my palette.

Wait a minute, here's
what really floored me.

These two were like glue
until a couple of weeks ago.

But I've made my decision.

It's time for me to stop.

Jack: Break up with dinah?

- No. Get my own place.
- Ooh, child!

She's, what? Leaving her!

I mean, just like that.

She's jealous and possessive,

and I can't deal
with it anymore.

Eddie: Dinah must
be to pieces, I swear.

Jack: She says she
understands, but I'll tell you,

she's plenty pissed.

And she's got a temper.

Well, that's a side
I've never seen.

Dinah, you used to be a
golden gloves champion

a few years back.
You used to do...

I mean, Ruby's
like an open book,

but this dinah's got

all kinds of twists and turns.

I can still hear
'em at ringside.

"k*ll the bum!

k*ll the bum, Dean!
Knock his head off!"

And that is exactly what I did.

I knocked the
sons of b*tches out.

But we all know violence
doesn't solve anything.

Well, this queen
has three queens.

Can anybody beat that?

I didn't think so.

Cheat, cheat,

cheat, cheat.

Lucille.

Honey, you know it's bad manners

to call somebody a name
when you can't prove it.

At least I can
say it to your face,

and not stab you in the back.

But then, you
wouldn't need a knife,

now would you, dinah, baby?

No. No, you can just beat
me to within an inch of my life

like you used to
do with poor Ruby.

Shut your mouth!

Miss Lucille seduced Ruby.

Didn't you?

She always gets like this
when she's been drinking.

Only trouble is,

she's forgetting
one important detail.

I was never interested in Ruby.

We were just
friends, like sisters.

Liar. You would do anybody.

And now, dear, I
am gonna do you.

No, you're not.

What you are gonna do is,
you're gonna go out outside

and you're gonna count
to a hundred real slow.

Now.

Fantasia!

Lemme tell you, Jack's
movie is gonna be so...

Oops! Goodness.

Like I said, Jack's movie
is gonna be so fierce.

Come, let me tell
you all about it.

Right you are.

- Did I miss something, or what?
- Yeah, man.

Dinah's over there
buggin', one minute

she's little Bo peep,
the next minute

she's the wicked
witch of the west.

- Word?
- I'm beginnin' to think

that we're on the
wrong trail with chaney.

Chaney: Don't throw
that up in my face!

Yo.

I'm gonna k*ll you...

Get off!

Aggghhh!

- Get off!
- Get off!

Get off of me!

Don't... don't! Take it easy!

Chaney: Get off of me!

[Panting]

Me and dinah had a
little beef. So what?

as*ault is not a little
beef, Mr. Chaney.

Hey, I'm tryin' to
wait on my customers,

and dinah comes in harassin' me.

Don't even try it. You're
the one that started it.

Throw me a little
slack, why don't you?

Those queens hang
out in front of my doorway

all day long, and my
customers go across the street.

So your problem with
dinah is purely financial?

Boys will be girls, fine.

Just keep 'em from
in front of my doorway.

Then how come your record
says you have two priors

for beatin' up on
h*m* in salt lake city?

That old beef.

I'm pickin' up a little
package at a bar, okay?

I'm walkin' to my car, and
these two guys jump me.

I wasn't as heavy as I am now,
so I could move pretty good.

Bottom line, I
took 'em both out.

But when the cops come,
they say I attacked them.

Isn't it strange how
the g*y community

just keeps hasslin' you?

Chaney: Yeah, it is.

- Mm.
- Now, I want to see my lawyer.

Fine.

I don't know, gentlemen, I
like chaney for the k*lling.

He's like a powder
keg ready to blow.

Hold on.

See, there's a lot of funky
stuff goin' on with dinah.

See, Lucille told me that
dinah and Ruby had a big fight.

See, in Jack's movie,
Ruby mentioned

that he was gonna
leave dinah anyway.

I mean, that's hell of
a motive right there.

Yeah, maybe.

But chaney's
harassing these girls.

I think he's our best bet.

All right, you two are gonna
have to go out on the street

and turn up a witness.

Someone to pin him at
time or place, all right?

Otherwise, we're
gonna have to let him go.

I am not wearin' a dress.

Oh, you look cute as a blonde.

If you was a real
woman, you'd be, uh,

ugly! [Laughs]

If I was a real woman, I
wouldn't be hangin' out

- with your tired behind.
- You wish.

I just wish somebody
would've told me

about those pumps,
'cause my feet were hurting!

Word, man. If another
guy had whistled at me,

I swear I would've decked him.

Yo, on the real, I'm gonna go,
uh, ask questions around chaney.

Why don't you go check Jack?

See if he saw chaney
creepin' around

the night Ruby got k*lled.

All right, word, man.

Bad a*s. My woman.

Eddie: Jack.

Detective torres?

Eddie: That's me.

Jack: Come on in.

- How you doin'?
- Hey, man.

Forgive me, I'm havin' a
little bit of a deja vu here.

That's because the last
time you saw me I was Venus.

You were... wait a minute.

What, you and the other guy...

- Uh-huh.
- Fantasia, are cops?

Oh, man!

Oh, I get it... I get
it, Ruby's m*rder.

I... why'd you break your cover?

'Cause we got the guy, we think.

I mean, the diner owner, chaney.

Oh. Doesn't surprise
me in the least.

Guy's always mouthin'
off about the scene.

Hated the girls.

Drove me right out of the place.

- You used to eat there?
- Sure.

Wasn't a bad joint,
either, till he lost his cook.

This guy, lujack.

They got in a fight
over somethin' or other.

Interesting.

Uh, you know where
this lujack is now?

- Maybe.
- Meaning?

I mean, I just don't want to
get the guy in trouble, you know.

I hear he's got a little bit of
a crack problem, you know.

I've seen him down
at riverside park.

So why don't you take a ride
with us and point this guy out?

You think you could do that?

[Dramatic music playing]

Police!

Why you runnin', huh?

All I wanted was
a burger and fries.

You guys were never customers.

I remember customers.

You remember bosses?

How about drew chaney?

Yes, I remember him.

Get up.

Can you tell me about him, huh?

Oh. He's a bad man.

- J.c.: How bad?
- He drinks, then he gets crazy.

There's other
stuff I can't tell.

- Bad things.
- What kind of bad things?

This sick relationship
he has with a guy, girl,

who owns the club next door.

- Dinah?
- Yes.

He starts to have
weird meetings with her.

They go back into his office,

I hear them laughing
and making secret plans.

Come on, man, he hates her.

They stay up all
night sometimes.

One night, I was out late.

They followed me
through the park.

- They followed you?
- Yes.

And you know what I thought?

Those dead queens, maybe chaney

and that thing next
door k*ll them, hmm?

Yo, chaney and dinah are a
lot better friends than they let on.

Think they'd workin' as a team.

Then what are
they fightin' about?

[Phone rings]

- Torres.
- Old school: Eddie,

we got another one.

- And it's one of your girls.
- Oh, damn.

Where?

Dr. Wong: Vic's been
dead three hours.

Same m.O. As the others.

What's this?

Wechsler's book on transvestism.

Trust me, it ain't
a best seller.

Lucille. Damn.

Jack: Detective torres.

Eddie: Let him through.

Word's out at the club. I
came down as soon as I heard.

Was dinah at the club
when you got the word?

Yeah. She's overcome with grief.

Yeah, I bet she was.

Let's go comfort her.

Come on, you guys
don't think dinah did this?

You got some secret
outtakes to prove she didn't?

Ah, I didn't think so.

[Dramatic music playing]

Hi, guys. Better get changed.

The girls are
gonna be here soon.

That game is over,
and so is yours, dinah.

What are you talking about?

How come you didn't tell
us you and chef boyardee

next door were pals?

Ah, you're right, were
pals. Not anymore.

Come on, dinah.

Lucille's body was
found in an abandoned lot

three blocks away from here.

Ah. And you think that I,

because Lucy
and I had a fight...

Honey, we girls
always fight. It's a thing.

You just don't
understand the life.

Yeah, m*rder's a thing, too.

And you look good
for this one, babe.

- You're both being crazy.
- Maybe we are.

Or maybe you
fell in with chaney,

you picked the girls,
and he k*lled 'em.

[Laughs] No.

Ruby's gonna leave you,

you don't like
it, so you ice her.

But Lucille knows
about you and drew,

so you gotta do her, too.

I didn't tell you about drew
because he didn't want anybody

to know that we were friends.

Friends?

Just friends.

When his mother died last
year, I saw a side of drew

that I'd never seen before.

He was so vulnerable,
not like he usually is.

So for a time, we became close.

We shared things.

What else did you
share? His knife?

No.

For a time, he was open.

And then he became
ashamed of himself

- because he liked a queen.
- So if that's all it was,

how come you didn't
tell us that before?

I tried to. That's
why we were fighting.

I wanted to tell you
about drew and I,

but he wouldn't let me.

And apparently he was right,

because now you
think that we did it.

No, because it all
points to you, dinah.

All right?

You have access to the
girls, he's got the hatred.

Maybe he made
you do it, I don't know.

But whatever it is, you need
to cut a deal with us now,

'cause right now
you are under arrest.

All right.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you say can and
will be used against you.

[Tense music playing]

Oh, man.

This is a little weird, doc.

Now I got an ending
for my documentary.

Some good stuff.

Scary.

Oh, baby.

Lucy?

Lucille.

Dr. Wechsler, you've
been a bad boy.

[Groans]

Smile, Jack. 'Cause
you're in my movie now.

You see, what you've
got is a big balloon

filled with circumstantial gas,

and tomorrow I'm gonna pop it.

What we have is
motivation for Ruby's m*rder,

and opportunity, and
we know that your client

had a relationship with chaney.

Eddie: See, dinah was
furious with Ruby for leaving.

So, if I were you, counselor,

I'd be encouraging
my client to make a deal

while there's still time.

Huh. Well, come tomorrow,
you could be facing

a civil suit for false
arrest, detectives.

She's right.

We don't have enough.
We need witnesses.

What about that doctor?
What's his name, wechsler?

He might have info.
That would help.

Check it, the doc
said in his book

that cross-dressing
and transvestism

are both conditions which,

with proper diagnosis

and psychotropic
drugs can be cured.

- That sound weird to you?
- Hell, yeah.

He's the one that said
that these girls at dinah's

are sexual space cadets,

pioneers exploring
new worlds, and stuff.



Yeah, he also laid out that
same radical trip in Jack's movie.

I think the doc's
playing those girls.

[Knock on door]

That smell.

[Tense music playing]

[Coughing]

Ed, who is this guy?

Eddie: Educated guess?

Dr. Wechsler.

Milton: I bet you're
saying to yourself,

"what the heck have
I fallen into here?

Boy, am I in a fix."

Zoom.

Yeah, fun, huh?

Okay, here's the deal.

The others, I k*lled right away

because they were twisted.

Boy, girl, girl, boy.

Very confusing.

But I'm lettin' you live, see,

'cause I need
someone to talk to.

That brings us to
another problem.

You can't talk back.

So if I take off your gag,

will you be a
good little prisoner,

and not scream?

Good. Of course, if you do,

there will be a penalty.

Oh, there's just too
many files here, money.

Word up.

Wait a minute.

The secret's in your head.

Does this have something
to do with the force, Yoda?

Nope, doc's book.

Did he mention
case studies in it?

Ugh, yeah.

It actually did.

Were any of them
obsessed with m*rder?

Yeah, there was a
couple. I mean, uh,

one was a woman from Baltimore.

The other was a guy
named Milton mosby.

He lived in the village.

Um, he had dreams

that he k*lled women.

Maybe those dreams came true.

Let's check these files.

I got a to f over here.

H-i-j-k-l,

ah, mosby.

Bingo.

"Patient was beaten
regularly with a strap

from age three to twelve,
at which time he rebelled

and burned his father with
a heat lamp while he slept."

Ooh, Milton, the games you play.

"Starting at age six,

the patient often
dressed in girls clothes

in an attempt to get
closer to his mother."

Milton's our boy.
You got an address?

Yep. 587...

- east 12th street.
- Yep.

Time to see the doctor.

Let's do this.

Eddie: Yo, man, check it.

J.c.: What the hell is this?

There's no building here.

Is this some kind of joke, man?

Ed koch?

What the hell is goin' on?


bro. We got jacked.

Let's do this, man.

Tell me, Jack,

how did you discover my secret?

And don't lie, 'cause I'll know.

I saw you follow
Lucille from the club.

You followed me?

That's not very polite.

No, I didn't,

I read the shrink's book, too.

We were sayin' that
it didn't follow up.

Look, I'm sorry.

Okay. I don't know anything.

You could let me go.

I could?

I swear, I'd never be a
problem for you. Never.

Oh, boy.

If that were true,
you'd be the first.

I've had nothing but
problems my whole life.

I don't know why my client
should help either of you.

Because we know who did it.

Ooh. Well why didn't you say so?

Because, you know, we have
so much faith in your judgment.

Who's the next poor soul
you're gonna drag in here, huh?

Listen...

To you, we're all just
freaks, anyway. Right?

- You're forgetting something.
- What?

What am I forgetting?

Am I forgetting that you
promised to find Ruby's k*ller?

Or am I forgetting that you
pretended to be my friend?

Or am I forgetting
that you betrayed me?

Oh, no, no, I know.

I'm forgetting that
you arrested me.

No, what you're
forgetting is the fact

that the both of us
lived your life for a week.

[Chuckles]

And I'm gonna be
honest with you,

I do have a lot more
respect for you now.

Because you were the freaks.

The clowns in the... In
the wigs, and the makeup,

and the... and the...
And the jewelry. Chong!

No, the k*ller is the freak.

We need your help, dinah.

- Please.
- Dinah,

you don't have to say
one thing to these people.

You just remember that
they dragged you in here.

But then, what would
we be saying, Susan?

That we should make sure
that they deserve our help

before we give it to them?

Honey, before we
got to that moment,

the world would end.

But that's all right.

There ain't nobody perfect.

What do you need?

We need the shrink's address.

Dr. Wechsler.

You see, Dr. Giles,

what you have
failed to understand

about a person of
mosby's stature is that

the thing he values most
in the world is privacy.

You people just
want to pry and pry.

That's not like me,
man. I'm your friend.

Ooh, you are such a kidder.

It's true. I'll put
you in my film.

The whole world'd understand.
You'd be on television.

TV? Like my own show?

Prime time.

Oh, that'd be great.
Then I'd be like famous.

- They'd interview me.
- Right.

You would.

That'd be great.

What do you think
I am, Ret*rded?

Jack: No. Of course not.

I may have a lot
of problems, Jack,

but I am not stupid.

Oh!

Reality shows are dead,
Jack, and so are you.

Eddie: Police! Open up!

[Banging on door]

- Police!
- I'll be back, Jack.

Jack: Help...

Eddie: Police! Open up the door!

Jack: Help, please.

Help me.

Damn.

- Jack: Oh.
- You all right?

He went out the back steps.

We'll be back.

Give it up, Milton.

It's over, baby.

Actually, guys,

it's been over for years.

No, don't...

[Dramatic music playing]

- J.c.: Hey, what's up?
- Sandra: I called Colin today

and told him to forget London.

- You forgive me?
- Well, you know I do.

But, listen,

I really appreciate
your calling.

It means a lot to me.

Sandra: J.C., about work,

I have decided to go

in a whole new direction.

I want to come over
and tell you about it.

Now? No, baby, it's too late.

I don't want you on
the street right now.

Sandra: Well, then,
just come to the door.

No, she didn't.

I know she didn't.

[Chuckles]

Come on in here, baby!

Mm, you love me?

Mm, yeah, a little.

Yeah, I love you.

♪ Oh, let me take you there ♪

Woman: ♪ I'll take you there ♪

♪ oh, oh let me take you there ♪

♪ I'll take you there ♪

♪ feel me? ♪

♪ I feel I need you ♪

♪ hear me out, come on ♪

♪ I'm gonna feel ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ do it, do it, come on ♪

♪ play on it ♪

♪ play on it ♪

♪ help me remember ♪

[Scatting]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ My, my, my ♪

♪ baby