02x01 - Puedo ser cualquier cosa

[bunniefuu]

[lively upbeat music playing]

[Alexis] One out of ten babies
is born prematurely.

One out of ten! And sometimes,
it has irreversible consequences.

[babies crying]

Low birth weight...

respiratory problems...

[no audible dialogue]

[Alexis] vision problems...

...and sometimes, cerebral palsy.

That can be scary for any parent.

I don't blame them.
That would scare me, too.

Some stay, others leave,
like Charly's parents.

And some just have to fend for themselves.

But, as I said before,
there's something amazing

about going into the world
with a part missing.

[lively upbeat music continues]

[rocks thudding]

And although most of the time
everything is more difficult,

[music becomes quiet]

[Alexis chuckling]

Things can also be f*cking exciting.

NOTHING TO SEE HERE

[Alexis, chuckling] My poor mother!
She lost four kids before I was born.

She didn't know where she left them.
She's blind too!

[laughs hysterically]

Having a disability is pretty cool,

and I've got 28 years
of blindness to back it up!

My name is Alexis Little Egg Eyes.
Thank you and good night!

[distant siren blaring]

[recorded laughter]

Have you been playing a laugh track
this whole time, assholes?

[contemplative music playing]

It's been a month since anyone
came to your show, Alexis.

- How come I never noticed.
- Because you're always high as a kite.

And we would have kept the joke going,
but this stupid as*h*le fell asleep.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

I'm going to ask you
to watch your language, please.

We're inclusive, aren't we?

- What about the disabled community?
- It's kind of a small audience.

- [audience laughs]
- [upbeat music playing]

No, I am not referring to them,

I'm referring to the fact
that it's a small community.

Those are not pimples on my back. It's
a message in Braille. It says I love you.

[Charly] They got tired of hearing
the same routine every Friday.

Gradually they stopped coming.

I can't write a new routine every night.

No, but they can't show up every Friday
and hear the same jokes either.

We've got to do something.
Because we owe two months' rent.

[Alexis] Here's the thing.
We got it all wrong.

We went against what this place
is really supposed to be.

They want a telethon with beer and snacks?
That's what we'll give 'em.

I'm going to stop smoking pot.

I'm gonna write a new routine,

And we'll invite pseudo influencers,
failed YouTubers and TikTokers,

and any other idiot with a cell phone that
we can use to generate publicity as well.

- [inspirational music playing]
- Like the phoenix with a single wing,

the Disca Club will rise
from the ashes of this f*cking ashtray.

Let's get to work!

- [music stops]
- [distant creaking]

You guys are still here, aren't you?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Come on, off to work.

- Yes, yes. Can you hand me my crutches?
- [upbeat music playing]

After this,
I gotta get back to work, okay?

Yeah. I've got a recording.
We f*cked four times today.

Five times.

- [Azul gasps]
- [Alexis] What the f*ck!?

Been trying to get in for two hours,
don't you take a break?

This isn't a hotel, you know?

Okay, this is a hotel,
but it's not that kind of hotel.

[people moaning passionately]

Who's getting m*rder*d?

Yes, Jimmy, yes!

[gasps] Wait a minute.
Shh! I think they're done.

- No, they're taking a break.
- [upbeat music stops]

You wait for us to start f*cking so you
can do the same without us hearing you?

It's been about a month now
and you guys never noticed, so...

[Charly] I thought it was an echo
from the rooftop.

By the way,
has anyone seen the tips of my crutches?

Why didn't you want us to know about it?
Aren't we supposed to be friends?

Yes. But really, it was nothing serious.

- [Azul] Ah.
- Was?

- Is.
- Is?

- Trouble in paradise.
- I don't know. You're confusing me.

You're playing with my head.

They were black rubber tips
on the end of my crutches.

- They were there not long ago.
- Hey guys, what happened to us?

Why are we hiding things from each other?

First, it was the Disca Club and now this!

Don't we trust each other anymore?

We're a family and families
are not supposed to have secrets.

Am I right?

[Azul singing in Spanish]
♪ I am scared, but I can overcome it ♪

♪ I am going to make it
I feel it in my guts ♪

♪ Life hasn't been easy ♪

♪ But that's okay, I'm moving ahead ♪

♪ One day, I was enlightened ♪

♪ It came to me and gifted me, yo! ♪

[music stops]

- Like it? It's only the first draft.
- It's super badass!

- Hell yeah.
- Sounds really cool.

There's something I got to tell you.

What?

Do you know J.Lo.

- J.Lo, the singer?
- The producer.

Ah, she's a producer now?

No, another J.Lo.

He's the best beatmaker
in the whole of Mexico.

He says he wants to work with me.

No sh*t, that's amazing. Congrats!

Who's the badass?

- [cell phone ringing]
- [on cell phone] Mom calling.

It's your mom.

Mom calling.

Hey, mom. What's up?

Uh... I don't know.

Suddenly, I'm worried about you.

I don't know how to explain it.

It's kind of... like a bad feeling,
you know. Is everything okay?

Yeah, Mom, I'm good.

Uh-huh. Don't lie to me, son.

Well, things are just so-so. Things aren't
really going so well at the Disca Club.

We fell behind with the rent
and people stopped coming.

- Getting hard to hide from the landlord.
- Yeah. You see?

I knew something wasn't right.
My instincts never fail me, you know.

We're working on a solution.

I, uh, I'm working on a new routine,

and Jimmy and Maya are coming up
with a new marketing campaign.

[horn honking]

[Maya] This is not your lucky day!
You're about to get robbed!

We will rob you of five minutes
of your precious time

to invite you to Alexis Little Egg Eyes'
brand new comedy show.

- Location? At the new Disca Club.
- No need to panic.

- Don't miss it! We want to see you there.
- You want a leaflet?

Invite your friends!
The more, the merrier. Did we scare you?

What happened to you?

Someone didn't like our publicity stunt.

Let me see.

[distant clattering]

Hey, what's going on out there?

[Charly] I'm looking for the tips
of my crutches.

What? Still?

[Charly] Yes.
I hadn't looked in the trash.

- Guys!
- Did you manage to find them?

[Charly] It's may be none of my business,
but I think Azul's pregnant.

- What?
- [chuckling and snorting]

- [Azul] Sure.
- I found this pregnancy test in the trash.

- The f*ck!
- Why try to hide it? Why not just tell us?

[Maya] No, no, wait!

[intriguing music playing]

Azul is not pregnant.

[Alexis] Thank god.

- [exhales]
- [Jimmy] What about the test?

I know. It's mine.

[music stops]

- I'm the one who's pregnant.
- [music resumes]

I left it in your trash because
I didn't want some other as*h*le

finding it in my trash.

Because, as it happens,
that other as*h*le... is the baby's father.

[music stops]

Uh... Me?

Well, yeah, you.

Congratulations?

[all] Congratulations.

- You're gonna be a dad!
- Congratulations!

- So cool!
- What great news!

Wow, that's really good news.

[overlapping chatter]

["Me Estoy Poniendo Viejo"
by Los Esplifs playing]

- [gasps]
- Jimmy?

Where did he... Oh!

Jimmy, you okay?

[Jimmy mumbling]

[anguished groaning]

[toilet flushes]

How far along are you?

About a month, month and a half.

[Jimmy groans]

I knew it wasn't normal,
always feeling dizzy.

[sniffs]

Plus, I've been craving
chilaquiles all day!

Ahhhh. That's bullshit.

You're just hung-over. Stop complaining.

This big belly ain't normal either.

That big belly's got an anaconda in it.

I told you a month ago to get dewormed,

- didn't I?
- Yes.

Well, we should go now.

It's not good for the baby
to get bounced around like that.

- Let's go.
- [groaning]

- I'll tell you more later.
- Can't wait to hear.

Yeah, we'll talk.
I'll give you a call later.

[Jimmy groans]

Jimmy and Maya as parents?

Don't worry about Maya.

Worry about Jimmy. He can't even
take care of a sack of potatoes.

Don't judge.

And, besides, when you're a parent,
it forces you to grow up.

- How do you know?
- [Azul] Give Jimmy a chance.

I'm sure he'll turn out okay.

And if not, Maya... You know how she is.

- I'm sure... she'll manage just fine.
- [Charly] You're right.

[upbeat music playing]

They could still get an ab*rtion.

[music stops]

[Azul] Shut up.
You don't even know what they want to do.

Why have a child?
They barely know each other.

And their financial situation
isn't great either.

So what?

What? You don't think
that's a terrible idea?

We're not talking about a business.

It doesn't have to be a good idea, just...
it has to be something they both want.

Then let me repeat the previous question.

Why would they want to have a child?

Can you imagine us
becoming parents right now?

That'd be the end of our lives.

Come on.
It wouldn't be the end of our lives.

It would simply be the end
of a stage of our lives, that's all.

Our life is perfect as it is.

No way I could be a father, right now.
Or ever, actually.

Wow, that's so mature of you.

I didn't know it bothered you so much
that I thought it was a bad idea

for Jimmy and Maya to be parents?

No, it doesn't bother me. I just didn't
know you felt that way about parenthood.

Well, how else do you think
I could feel about parenthood?

People like me can't be fathers.
Can you imagine me being a dad?

It'd be a never-ending game
of, "Where's the baby?"

Who'd want to have a child with me?
I can barely take care of myself.

I'm glad that test wasn't yours.

Well, anyway, I gotta go.
I have a meeting.

[Alexis] Who with?

- I'm meeting someone.
- [upbeat music playing]

Hi, J-Lo. Sorry I'm late.
The subway was really crowded, as always.

- Azul?
- Pleasure to meet you. Yes, I'm Azul.

Uh...

Very nice to meet you.

You okay? Did something happen?

Uh, no, I'm okay.

I was just watching a video
of a kitten being rescued.

- And I was very touched.
- [Azul] Mmm. So cute.

Isn't it?
Yes.

Anyway, I listened
to the recording you sent me.

Azul, they're amazing.

Your lyrics... such sensitivity.

You are beautiful. So talented!

- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- We're gonna smash it.

- We're gonna smash it.
- We're gonna smash it.

Yes.

We are going... to smash it!

Are you okay?

Sorry, I'm still thinking
about the little kitten. [whimpers]

Did you see? He had a little sweater on.

- Yes.
- I'm gonna zoom in.

- Aw, he's the sweetest thing.
- [whimsical music playing]

He's adorable, isn't he?

- Like I mentioned in my WhatsApp message...
- Yes.

I want to start booking venues
so we can start touring.

- Touring
- Mm-hm.

Just like that, we're going on tour?

- Yes. Right now. A seven-month tour.
- That's great.

Not six or eight, seven months.

- For seven months, huh? Seven?
- Seven, yes.

- It's the opportunity of a lifetime.
- Seven.

That's not a problem for you, is it?

- No. [chuckles]
- Oh, great!

Ah. They make the best matcha latte here.
It's so good.

Yes. Delicious.

[whimsical music stops]

[groans]

- Excuse me. Good afternoon.
- Hello.

Sorry for what happened to you.
I see you're missing a leg.

But don't miss Alexis Little Egg Eyes'
new show for people with disabilities.

Ah. [chuckling]

The Disca Club is reopening its doors
with Stand-Up Fridays!

How about that, huh?
Don't miss it! No, no, no, don't miss it.

Here. If you know someone
who's missing a leg.

- Or another limb.
- [Jimmy] I'll leave on your ball. Came by.

[lively music playing]

- [Azul] Okay.
- [Charly] Listen it up.

- [music stops]
- Lighter, clearer.

That's too much. Go back a bit.

- [Azul] Now?
- [Charly] Yeah, now, the background.

Should I use the mine?

No. How about we use a dumpster?

- No, come on! It's too much.
- Aw, no.

Oh, I know! I have an image of a factory.

- Makes it more stirring, right? More real.
- [Charly and Jimmy] Mm-hm.

[Lalo] Wha... Wha... What are you doing?

Attracting influencers.

- Come look.
- Look.

- This is Paco.
- [sentimental music playing]

He works 16 hours a day
to provide for his three young children

since his wife abandoned him
because he lost an arm.

And this Friday, he's gonna take a break

to come see Alexis Egg Eyes'
new show at the Disca Club.

- Done.
- That's great.

[Charly] Share and tag
the people we mentioned.

- [Azul] A lot of people?
- [Charly] No.

People need to know
that every corner of the bar

will tell an inspirational story.

- And Alexis?
- [Charly] He's meditating.

I have a first draft for the new routine.
You wanna hear it?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Uh... Go for it.

- Okay. Hm.
- [whimsical music playing]

A vertically-challenged person

and a person of African descent
walk into a bar.

Then, they run into an imbecile.

[all chuckle]

Uh...

Imbecile doesn't refer to
an intellectually disabled person, here.

I... I mean someone like a...
a hegemonist, sort of...

- Very stupid, a bit of an idiot.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.

What don't you understand?

[Jimmy] Well, that whole thing
about the hegeme...

- Hegemonist.
- That sh*t. Is that supposed to be funny?

- Next time, I'll try it out alone.
- No, no. Okay.

What Jimmy is trying to tell you is that
you're being too politically correct.

- No, no. It's just not funny.
- Don't say that.

You're being very condescending towards
your own community, don't you think?

Condescending?

Yes.

You're censoring yourself too much
and... well, your jokes fall flat kinda.

Azul is right.
Dark humor is what's in right now.

You were doing great.
You just have to switch a few words.

Few words? You'd have to change it all.
I didn't understand a thing.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I get it.

I'm gonna write something new.
I'm not gonna tell you more than that.

You're more stuck up
than a bunch of Broadway critics.

- [Charly] Wait!
- He can't stand the critics?

But he's an artist.
It goes with the territory.

[man] We are lining up to see Little Egg
Eyes new show. Exciting, isn't it?

[lively music playing]

[woman] Hi sweeties!

- Oh, sh*t.
- Damn, it looks like the start of a Tron.

A what?

For the center, you know? The...

- What center?
- Rehab... The Teletron.

Ah, You mean Telethon, don't you?

- Yeah, something like that.
- Come on. Excuse me. Sorry.

- [lively hip hop music playing]
- [people chattering]

[woman] Quite the crowd here, tonight.

As you can see, so many beautiful people.

Oh! Look at this little angel!

{an8}- How you doing? What's your name?
- Charly.

{an8}Wouldn't you say that the only disability
is to have a bad attitude?

{an8}[chuckles] No, no. No, no, no.
I wouldn't say that.

There you have it, faithful followers.

Despite his limited abilities
to communicate...

{an8}Hello, y'all!
Guys and gals, and all non-binaries!

{an8}You know what day this is?

{an8}It's the day of our Blind Challenge.

{an8}You can't miss this because today,
we're going to wear a blindfold

{an8}to better understand what it's like
to have to live day to day

{an8}with this condition.

{an8}People just like... Follow me.

People just like this little warrior.

[whimsical music playing]

Gotta keep a good attitude, right?

{an8}And over here... He's already leaving.

{an8}Hey, hey, my man. I'm glad I found you.

{an8}- First, say hello to the camera.
- Hello.

{an8}Appreciate it.

{an8}No, thank you so much
for making this event possible.

{an8}Straight from the heart,
we appreciate it. Thank you.

{an8}- You're in my way!
- Say hello to... Uh...

{an8}[whimsical music stops]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Charly groans]

We're supposed to be the ones
with a disability, right?

Bunch of imbeciles.

It's the big day. How's the vibe?

Ah, it's a f*cking nightmare,
but the place is packed. The plan worked.

- When are we on?
- 15 minutes.

Azul?

She's out there seating people
at the tables. It's all right.

Do you want to go over the routine or...

I told you, I want you to hear it for
the first time, just like everyone else.

[whispering] It's a surprise.

Man, I don't like surprises.

[chuckling] You're gonna like it.
It's dark humor.

I even have a joke about you.

[sniffing]

- Did you smoke?
- What? No.

So, you mean you're sober?

Sober as a born-again Christian.
Told you. I'll get it right this time.

- Okay. Okay.
- [contemplative music playing]

Let's introduce you then.

[Alexis exhales]

- All right.
- All right.

- Let's win back our public, buddy.
- Yep.

- Hell yeah.
- Break a leg, bro!

Thanks, buddy. I've got this.

[music stops]

How are you doing,
gentle people of the Disca Club?

[loud cheering]

I can't hear you! How y'all doing?!

All right! Let me introduce you
to tonight's star comedian,

Alexis Little... Egg Eyes!

[people] Lil' egg eyes! Lil' egg eyes!

Lil' egg eyes! Lil' egg eyes!

Lil' egg eyes! Lil' egg eyes!

[woman shouts]

Shh!

Good evening, everybody!

[audience laughing]

Aw, sh*t.

[people chuckling and chattering]

What, couldn't see my face?

Welcome to my world, assholes! [chuckling]

Good evening,
you bunch of marzipan street vendors

folic acid refugees
and pseudo-influencers.

I'm not kidding.
This place is like a zombie apocalypse.

[light laughter and cheering]

I'm not hearing anything.

I'm just hearing CRIT, CRIT, CRIT.

- You know, the Telethon? CRIT.
- [person] CRIT?

[people chattering]

You don't get it?

Hey, relax, you're allowed to laugh.

They won't kick you outta here like they
yanked you out of your mother's womb

at seven months!

- [people muttering]
- [man] Good one.

What? Where's my friend Charly?

Raise your hand, man, so I can find you.

Have you taken your legs to a shrink yet?

Looks like they suffer
from PTSD. [laughs]

- [man] Boo!
- [woman] What's wrong with you?

Did you know my friend Charly was used
as target practice for sn*per training?

[man] Look who's talking!

- [woman] Get off the stage!
- It's all right.

[Alexis] But he's so crooked,
that they found him too hard to hit.

[whimsical music playing]

- [woman] Get him off!
- What?

Aren't we all in the same boat?

Look, folks, us disabled people
can poke fun at each other.

We even have a special ceremony
and a special way to seal the deal.

A secret handshake.

Well, for those who have hands, of course.

For those who don't,
it's a kick in the a*s.

[man] Have you paid for your beers?

Hey! It's dark humor.

[whimsical music continues]

Somebody help me get down?

[Azul] Alexis, what the f*ck was that?

You told me to stop being condescending.

Yeah, okay,
but what you did was offensive.

Dark humor is offensive.

Is worse when it's bad.
And you were downright insulting tonight.

[Alexis] Hard to know limits.

Okay, let's not get into a discussion
about the limits of humor right now.

We have to think about
what we're gonna do.

We just drove away
the entire disabled community tonight.

Maybe this can drum up publicity.

Don't think so. I've checked the socials
and they haven't posted anything.

If they don't post today,
they're never gonna post.

It wasn't ever enough to cause a scandal.

That's what I'm saying.
We have to think of something.

We had few options left,
and this was the best one.

All right, listen. [clears his throat]

I'm gonna put a proposal
on the table, all right? Hm?

[whimsical music playing]

- A greasy pig contest.
- Huh?

- That's trendy.
- A what?

Greasy pig contest.

[woman] I've heard enough.

You have just opened yourself
to other possibilities, Alexis.

Who is that?

- [Azul] I don't know.
- [Charly] Don't know.

My name's Bea.

- Can you tell him I'm saying hello?
- You can tell him yourself.

Hey. Hi...

[forced chuckle]

Can we help you with something?

No.

I'm the one who can be of assistance
to you, to Alexis specifically.

- Me? How?
- [Bea] Harnessing your potential.

[chuckling] Now you're gonna ask for five
minutes to talk to us about coaching?

I represent people like you.

- Like me?
- Mm-hm.

Special people.

We don't use this word anymore.
It's disrespectful.

I know. I am not talking about people
who are functionally diverse.

We have quite a few of those.

I'm talking about people
who are literally special.

You're one of a kind, Alexis.

I can help you avoid wasting your talent.

Hang on, hang on. First of all, as far
as I know, he already has a manager.

And secondly,
no, he's not wasting any talent.

[Bea] Really?

He's telling bad jokes in a worse bar.

- Isn't that a waste of talent?
- Whoa! Easy, ah!

What happened today
is not just Alexis' fault.

It is also his manager's fault.

[groans]

Especially his.

Mmm...

I don't know.

We succeed together, we fail together.

I appreciate you seeing
something in me, but, frankly,

I'm where I want to be.
Thank you very much.

Very well.
You don't have to decide today, Alexis.

Think about it.

I'd give you my card,
but this isn't 20-oh-one.

I'm easy to find on social networks.
I'm @ BeaArjona.

- BeaArjona.
- [mutters]

- Good night.
- [contemplative music playing]

[stuttering] G... Good... night.

[mockingly] "@BeaArjona."

She's totally right
about the business card.

[Maya, gasping] One hundred thousand
followers? Who is that woman?

[Azul] Wow. She wasn't lying.

She has a management agency
and it's not a puny one, it's big.

Hold on, I gotta pee.

Check this out! Ten thousand likes, dude.

Why the hell are you stalking her?

What's wrong with that?

You're not thinking
about going to meet with her?

And why not?

What do you mean, why not?

All right, let me think for a sec.

Because you have a manager,
you ungrateful as*h*le!

[Alexis] That woman is right.
- [music stops]

I tell bad jokes in a dive bar and now
I don't even have anyone to tell them to.

Maybe she can help us.

You mean help you, don't you?

Help us, dude. I'd never leave you.
It costs us nothing to listen to her.

[breathing deeply] I don't know.

Something smells bad.

Sorry. It's the pregnancy.
It makes me gassy.

Think about it.
Who gives, and wants nothing in return.

Aren't you worried
about what she might ask of you?

And besides, what's the big rush?

You don't have any responsibilities.
Not like Jimmy.

[Alexis, sighing] Yeah, you're right.

We can afford to take it easy
and go with the flow.

[Azul] Oh, come on.

Go with the flow? What are you, a hippy?

No, no, dude.
Alexis can't afford to go with the flow.

He has to think about his future,
how he's gonna earn a living.

[toilet flushes]

I'm not pregnant.

What?

I'm not pregnant. I just got my period.

Are you sure?

Well, I've got my period.

So, I'm not gonna be a dad?

[contemplative music playing]

You're not gonna be a dad.

[clicks teeth and sighs]

Listen, you're not gonna be a dad

- buuut...
- [music stops]

...you're finally gonna
be able to poop again.

[sighs]

And you're not gonna be eating
for two anymore either.

Besides, sweetie, you're gonna
be able to do a lot of other things.

And especially be a lot of other things.

And you too, Alexis.
You can be a lot of things.

- You don't need that Bea.
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, like what? What kind of things
can Alexis achieve on his own?

Whatever he wants or sets his mind to.
Just you watch.

Yeah, I can be anything.

Sure.

Yeah, but what about the test?

Ah, Jimmy, sometimes we get
false positives. It happens.

No, one false positive, yeah,
but two false positives is not normal.

Two false positives?

Well, yeah. I mean,
you took two tests, no?

- Two tests?
- Yes.

I found one in the, uh...
in the room, in the garbage can.

[sighs]

[Jimmy] Then whose test is the other one?

[contemplative music playing]

It's mine.

What?

- What?
- What?

[tense music playing]

The other test you found is mine.
And I just throw it out in your garbage.

Surprise! [chuckles]

["Hoy Tengo Miedo" by Fobia playing]

I hope, that of all the things
you can be, Alexis,

a good father is one of 'em.

["Hoy Tengo Miedo" continues]

["Hoy Tengo Miedo" fades]