01x04 - Solid Goldfish

[bunniefuu]

Here's TV's very own
Mr. Magic, Jonathan Ross!

Thank you so much.
You don't have to, but how kind you are.

Thank you to you.
Thank you, very nice to see you.

Hello and welcome to
Penn and Teller: Fool Us,

where aspiring magicians attempt to outwit

two of the biggest stars
in the history of magic.

And I promise, after seeing
some of the illusions tonight,

your eyes will be wider than
Cheryl Cole's window cleaner.

It's kind of an old school gag, that one!

The tension backstage
among the magicians is incredible.

You could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

Well I say cut it,

you could actually saw it in two
and then put it back together again.

Let's get on, because in this show,
the acts, like Jedward in a Ferrari,

come thick and fast.

Oh, so you like that one do you, eh?

To succeed tonight our acts must outwit
two of the greatest magicians of all time.

How best to describe them?

Well, if you'll excuse
the associated imagery,

one is loud and proud,
the other is silent but deadly.

It is of course...

Don't worry,
we can put that laugh on that.

Don't worry, it is of course,
Penn and Teller!

Hello, Mr. Teller. Mr. Penn,
great to see you again.

We have an excited crowd ready to see
some top-drawer magic this evening.

Let's just remind them,

you haven't seen any of the performances
we're about to witness?

We've not seen jack.

Okay. We know that you know
how to do so much... magic.

So many of the illusions...
is it easy to fool you do you think...

Or is it really a big challenge?

I mean how hard is it for these guys?
How hard is it gonna be?

Well listen, everybody we've seen so far,
in the other shows, is really good.

So I think it is a challenge to fool us,
but they're up to it. So we're scared.

I haven't seen
all of the performers tonight,

I've seen a couple of them,
I hope you're feeling generous,

'cause I think you are gonna be
paying for some flights to Vegas.

- Okay!
- I'm just saying right now.

- Go and take your seats.
- We'll pay attention.

Mr. Penn and Teller, ladies and gentlemen.

Have you got a great view?

- Perfect.
- Do you want to polish those glasses?

- All clean.
- Okay, we're good to go.

Let's get on with it
and meet our first contender.

Piff, the magic dragon.

My name's Piff, the Magic Dragon.

I used to live by the sea,
but I've just moved to southeast London.

I'm a dragon who does magic.
I've always been interested in magicians.

Piff the Chartered Accountant Dragon
doesn't really have the same ring to it.

This is Mr. Piffles. There you go.
Penn's got Teller. I've got Mr. Piffles.

Mine's probably cheaper to feed actually.

Yeah, we've got
a great working relationship.

I work for the money, for the gold,
obviously, and he works for the biscuits.

He's like a dragon's best friend.

If that best friend
pooed all over your house.

Yeah, this, the trick I'm about to do is
quite legendary,

basically, it goes back,
you know, ten, fifty, a thousand years

to the beginning of magic dragon time.

I think I can fool Penn and Teller.

Put it this way, if I can't fool
Penn and Teller,

I'm not a real magic dragon.

We love variety on this show,

so we auditioned
many hundreds of magic dragon

and performing dog acts out there,
and we picked the very best one.

Will you please welcome Piff!

Good evening.

Good evening.

My name's Piff, the Magic Dragon.

You might have heard of my older brother.

Steve.

Welcome to my show, Piff-Tacular.

I'm Piff.

This is my Tacular.

Five hundred pounds.

This is Mr. Piffles.

Aww!

Nine hundred pounds.

Hang on. I think I'm gonna sneeze.

Seventy-five pounds.

So I'm gonna do a card trick,
because dragons love card tricks.

And kidnapping princesses.

What's your name princess?

- Stacey.
- Stacey. Really?

Oh right, my wife's called Stacey.

Well, we're not really married.
In fact, we've only just met.

I'm only kidding. I'm only kidding.
You haven't got a chance.

Please give Stacey
a huge round of applause

as she joins me on stage.
Stacey, ladies and gentlemen.

Do you have any playing cards, Stacey?
Do you have any playing cards?

Stacey, come here. Hold out your hands
like you're gonna catch a baby.

Right, Stacey, very good.
I'm gonna deal the cards down.

It's your job to tell me to stop,
whenever you like, Stacey,

you call out stop,
I will stop dealing the cards.

Stop.

- Just there, are you sure?
- Yeah.

I'll give you one chance
to change your mind.

- No.
- That's a shame.

Okay, Stacey, I have a pen,

I would like you to
write your name nice and neatly

in the little white space
in the top of the card,

just spell your name nice and neatly.

I'll do a little magic trick
for the audience, little magic trick.

Vanished!

Lovely work, Stacey. We're gonna
show the audience what card you chose.

The Jack of spades. A round of applause
as she re-takes her seat.

Stacey, ladies and gentlemen.

Now Stacey could have changed her mind
but she chose the Jack of spades.

Before the show I did make a prediction,

so for the first time
can we please reveal my prediction.

So basically Stacey was wrong.

You weren't even close.

But if I could really do magic,
it would look a bit like this.

♪ Alone with a heart

♪ A battered old heart

♪ A heart that needs tender care

♪ It knows you won't be there

♪ To share a company, it ain't easy to be

♪ Alone with a dream

♪ A silly old dream

♪ A dream that faded away

♪ How I'll get through today?

♪ I just don't know ♪

As predicted, the nine of hearts.

Nice one, Piff, I enjoyed that very much.

How confident are you,

do you think they would have seen
that kind of act before?

I don't think they will have seen
this kind of act before.

No, I don't.

You've just got
a little hair on your shoulder.

- Okay.
- I'll get him for you.

There you go, he's a bad boy.

- He says he's very sorry.
- He's sweet.

Look he's got little sorry ears.

There's
a lot of sweetness in this. I love the...

- Anyway you can have him as a present.
- Can I have him?

Oh, he gets shy!

Oh I get nothing. I get nothing.
Quite an annoying dragon. Okay...

I was on your side until now.
I'm gonna go up there in a minute,

because I don't want them
to go on for too long.

No problem. That's fine.

Is this dragon food? Is this...

Yeah, dragons love bananas.

Do they really? I didn't know that.

Do you want a bite?

I don't think I should bite
another dragon's banana.

- It's not really done is it?
- Not really, no.

Not really the done thing.

Let's find out whether Penn and Teller
know how you did it,

or whether you fooled them.

Now... May I call you Piff?

- Yeah. Mr. Piff, that's better.
- Mr. Piff.

Well... we know how you did
the sparks on the sneeze.

- Magic dragon stuff.
- Oh I'm sorry, that's magic dragon stuff.

We all...

We have never seen the trick

where one signed card
turns into another. Ever.

The fact that the card is signed,
even though you're in a...

stupid dragon suit,

Aww!

...is a really, really good trick.

We think that the Jack of spades
was over the top

of the nine of hearts.

And you had her sign above it,
and then you just...

- Peeled it off--
- I can say you're close.

- He's gonna draw something.
- Okay.

But--

Am I allowed to show Mr. Piffles
or should I cover his eyes for this?

I'm just gonna...
I'm just gonna give the dog...

to Jonathan for your own safety.

- Okay. Okay.
- Just, you know.

We're gonna... I'm gonna go...

Aww!

I'm gonna go talk to a magic dragon.

Nice.

Yeah, okay, I could give you that.

If I wasn't a magic dragon,
I would give that one a go.

You didn't fool them, did you Piff?

I... I don't think so.

You didn't fool them.
But you came pretty close.

And we all loved it, didn't we?
It was a great act, a great performance.

Wonderful. Wonderful act.

Is that a...

Good work, Teller, great work, Penn.

Mr. Piffles, I'm gonna
hand you back this, lovely boy.

One thing though, and I'm sure
I speak for many of you here,

I'm a little disappointed we didn't see
more of Mr. Piffle, aren't you?

Yes!

I got excited when you
came out with Mr. Piffle

I wonder, does he do any magic?

He does do one thing.

Well could, we'd love to see it,
wouldn't we?

Yes!

- We'd love to see it.
- This, this might fool you actually.

Piff, the Magic Dragon,
ladies and gentlemen. With Mr. Piffle!

Let's meet our next contender.

Soma.

I'm the current world champion of magic,
so check this out.

My name is Soma. I'm 26 years old.
I'm a magician from Budapest, Hungary.

I specialize in... modern stage magic.

You know, something different,
something new, something unique.

I like to surprise people.

Have you ever seen a miracle?

I love the fact that in stage magic
you can combine tricks with theater arts.

Every time I go on stage,
and when they announce me,

and they say welcome
the current world champion of magic,

there is a pressure, you know,

I have to live up to the expectations,
which isn't easy.

I think pressure is necessary
at every show.

A little stage fright always helps.

The bigger the pressure,
the bigger the pay-off can be.

Tonight I'm here to represent Hungary.

To show people
what Hungarian magicians are like.

It would be great to come home
and tell everybody

that I did fool Penn and Teller.

Hello? Is that the Penn and Teller show?
Sure! Yeah. I can fool you.

I'll tell you how you know
when you have made it in show business.

It's when you are known by only one name.

We've got Penn, we've got Teller,
there's Madonna, there's Elvis,

there's Prince, there's... Jedward,

Well now another joins their ranks.
Will you please welcome Soma!

- Hello?
- Hi, honey.

- Hey sweetie, what's up?
- How are you doing?

Good. Listen, I...

Could you hold on for one second? Hello?

- Hello?
- Hi there, it's Mike.

Hey Mike! Listen, I'm on the other line
with Susan right now.

Listen... we need you at the office.

Sweetie, I'm going to have to call you...

Hold on. Hold on for one second.

Hello?

Hi, we'd like to ask you
a couple of questions.

Thank you, but not interested.

Soma, are you there?

Soma, ladies and gentlemen!
Nice job, great stuff!

There's the remains of a phone
all over the floor.

That was fantastic. Penn, Teller,
you've seen Soma perform.

Do you know how he did what he was doing?

Well first of all I'll ask you.

I don't know whether you intended
to delight us or to fool us, or both,

because I'll tell you, you delighted us.

We all know the trick
from the Wizard of Oz, famously,

where the Tin Man does the lean shoes act.

I've always thought that lean shoes
in a context and with an idea,

were just beautiful
and startling and terrific,

and Michael Jackson's use
in one of his videos is wonderful,

I like your use better than
both of those others put together.

- Thank you.
- Fabulous.

Unfortunately, for the actual name
of this show, Fool Us,

we do a torn and restored newspaper
in our act, Teller does sleight of hand,

and productions, and vanishes and so on,

so a lot of those moves
we were able to follow.

You certainly are a master magician,

because although we knew
how everything was done,

we didn't see how anything was done.

So you delighted us but didn't fool us.
Wonderful.

That's about as good as it can get,
I think. Soma, thank you so much.

- Thank you so much.
- It was fabulous.

Soma, ladies and gentlemen.
Congratulations. A great performance.

Thank you, sir.
That was fabulous. Fabulous.

Okay now, we've had a great evening
so far, we've got more to come,

it's time now to meet our next performer.

David Masters.

Hi, my name is David Masters,
and I'm an illusionist from Kent.

After watching the first show,
it really inspired me to go away

and think of something original
that I could bring to the stage.

I went right away back to
the drawing board,

watched every illusionist I could,

just to try and find that original angle
and that original effect

that I could create
that nobody had seen before.

I have been working on this illusion
over the five or six months.

Many sleepless nights,
I can't even remember what sleep is!

I just hope it's worth it on the night.

I'd say there is an element of danger
to illusions.

Chains, spikes, even flames. Fire.

If just one of those things goes wrong,
I could be in trouble.

Do I think I could fool Penn and Teller?

I wouldn't be here if I didn't think
I could fool Penn and Teller.

Let's see if he has what it takes.

This next trick is extremely dangerous,

and could go badly wrong,
causing serious injuries.

So can I just say to anyone watching,

please don't forget to press record now
because you will want to watch this again.

Please, will you welcome David Masters.

- Hello, Jonathan.
- Good luck, sir.

- How's things?
- They're very good thank you.

I've got a slight inner thigh strain,
but apart from that, I'm fine.

Before we actually get started,

can I invite Penn and Teller
up here on stage as well, please?

If you could come this side please.

Jonathan, come over here,
don't be frightened.

What's going to happen in just a moment,
is I will get inside this metal box.

The box will be lifted up into the air
whilst I'm shackled inside.

I will be shackled from my wrists.

Those shackles will have chains going
from my wrists through the side of the box

to be controlled by you, Penn, and you
Teller, to be controlled at all times.

- Okay? Yes.
- David.

If the trick is how the box raises,
they can see the chains.

I knew I should have
painted them black right?

Teller, can I ask you to
come this side please?

You're going to be
in charge of this chain.

Jonathan, can I just bring you over here?

Further back.

Now, Jonathan, can I ask you
to please take a seat?

Good luck, David.

David, we're all rooting for you,
hope you fool them.

David Masters, ladies and gentlemen.
What a spectacular illusion.

David, that was great.

I particularly like the bit,
you're up there in the box,

or at least that's what I imagined,

and then they come out and set the spikes,
which is bad enough, on fire.

It would be bad enough sitting on a spike,
and it's burning as well.

- Yeah, it does get pretty warm in there.
- It's like added torment.

It's a tricky routine, I'm sure.
It looks spectacular. We loved it.

I love all the dressing behind there,
I love the music there.

Presumably, this doesn't go wrong.
Is it safe? Is it 100% safe for you?

It's not 100% safe.
Things can go wrong.

We had a bit of a close call
in rehearsals.

But luckily I am unscathed this time.

- You're all in one piece.
- Just about.

It's a good sign, ladies and gentlemen,
that Teller is scribbling away.

Because normally, if they know it,
they chat a little bit.

I get the feeling that
if Teller gets his notebook out,

normally it means they're guessing, okay?
That's what it always means.

- That's what I'm hoping.
- Let's find out.

Am I right, are you guessing
or do you know?

We are guessing a little bit,
but I want to say first of all,

we live in Las Vegas, Nevada, so you know
that's a really bad sign for you,

because you know that we know that
when you have someone puts a mask on

or has someone with a mask on stage,
or a motorcycle helmet,

or a full-size chicken suit
or Elvis sideburns,

that at some point
there is going to be a switch.

So we were ready for you to do it,
so we could watch you do it.

Teller will also whisper
a little something to you

about the way you got out of there
to get off-stage.

And I think we probably have...

I think we probably have
a pretty good idea

But I'll let you two confer while I
go over here and talk to Jonathan.

Are you confident
that Teller's got it?

I don't know! We'll have to see.

Did Teller get it or did you get it?

Actually, I think we...
You know we're from Vegas

so this is the kind of act that's done
actually over the strip in Vegas.

It was done very unsuccessfully
by a magician a little while ago.

So this is being done better here then?

No, it's been done much, much better here.

So David would be...
He's good enough to play Vegas?

Of course, there is no doubt about it.

So whether he'll get there
on his own steam

or via you we'll find out now.

Okay, so David,

tell us, issue number one, is his voice
as deep and manly as people say it is?

It is very low,
deeper than Penn's.

Surprisingly, grates
in your ear doesn't it?

It was, yes.

So, did he nail it? Have they got it?
Or did you fool them?

- They have got me on this one.
- They've got you.

You did a great job, man.
You did a great job.

Well done, Penn and Teller of course,

ladies and gentlemen join me
and say congratulations to David Masters.

You didn't fool them,
but it was great, we loved it.

David Masters, ladies and gentlemen.

Well so far this evening,
we've seen some tremendous acts,

but not one of them
managed to fool Penn and Teller...

and that's no reflection on them,
because they were terrific,

it just shows that you guys
really know your stuff.

But let's hear it for all the acts
so far this evening, ladies and gentlemen

Because they were great, weren't they?
They fooled us, no problem.

So let's get straight on now,
meeting our next act.

Damien O'Brien

I'm Damien. I'm 25.

The style of magic I perform is close up
with a street styled edge.

It's a lot different to most magicians.

The reactions I get are fantastic.

Lift your hand right up now
and have a look what it's actually...

No, that was...

You know I've done street magic
for like, 50 Cent,

I've done magic for, like, the Beckhams,

the whole of the England football teams.

The reactions I get,
they're just the same as everyone else.

I've got a trick I've been working on now
for quite a while, which...

is absolutely fantastic.

I hope it will do the job, but you know,

I'm not gonna be nervous about
performing in front of them either,

I'm just gonna look at them
like they're normal people.

And I think that's
the best way to get through it.

As he just said,
he fooled the England football team.

That's not hard, Wayne Rooney's...

Wayne Rooney's still wondering
where his nose is,

he thinks he's took it away with him.

Will you please welcome
Mr. Damien O'Brien!

Thank you.

To help me out tonight, I'd like you all
to give a warm welcome

and a big round of applause for your host
of the evening, Mr. Jonathan Ross!

Thank you.

- How are you doing, sir?
- Nice to see you.

First thing tonight
what I'd like you to do,

pick out a beautiful,
glamorous assistant for us.

- Beautiful, glamorous assistant, so...
- To make us look good.

You're also attractive.

I can't really, I am gonna,
who would like to do it?

Which of the ladies here would
like to do it? You put a hand up?

Put your hand up,
there's a few, okay, let's go,

I'm gonna put, the first hand up,
this lady here.

What's your name, by the way?

- Julia.
- Okay, it's Julia, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you, Julia. I hope it's okay.

Hi, Julia. Would you like to
come over and have a seat?

Do you need me anymore?

- Have a seat.
- Okay.

Okay, guys. So tonight you notice
I've got a few things in front of you.

First off, what any magician
will always carry with them,

couple of decks of cards.

Second object... actually
a friend told me to bring this tonight,

they said it's really good
at fooling Penn and Teller,

so I actually brought an envelope tonight.

But inside that envelope is...
one prediction.

And I'm not gonna touch the envelope,
I'm not gonna open it.

Last object,
there's no real reason for it,

other than it's in case
they say I don't fool them.

It's a knife.

Okay.

First things first tonight,
let's take the knife.

We'll leave that there. Okay?

So that way, if I try to get into
that envelope, you're gonna see it.

Now ladies first. What I'd like you to do,
pick a deck, red or blue.

- I'll go for the red.
- You want the red. Okay.

What we're gonna do with the red deck,
okay, let me just... show you as well.

The cards. Just so you can verify this.
All the cards are different.

- Yes.
- Okay.

What I want you to do is, take out a card,
but I don't want you to look at it.

I just want you to lay it face it down,
so that way I can't see it.

You can't see it,
just reach in, take one out.

- Whenever I want?
- Whenever you want.

Okay, and just place it face down. Okay?
And what I'll do, I'll put these back.

Just so I can't make any sneaky switches
or anything like that. Okay?

So that's Julia's prediction guys, okay?
I'm not going to touch that. Is that fair?

- Yeah, that's great.
- So, Jonathan.

- Yes sir.
- Blue deck of cards. Okay.

As you can see again,
all different here. Okay.

All different cards.
Whole pack.

Brilliant. I'm just gonna
stick them back in here.

What I'd like you to do
is pick any number between one and 52.

- Okay... okay.
- What is it?

Well...

I'm not that good.

- You want me to tell you?
- Yeah. Tell me.

- Do you want to tell everyone?
- Tell everyone.

- Seven.
- Seven.

There's no possible way I could know
that you was going to pick seven tonight?

- I don't think so.
- Okay.

And you know all the cards here
are different.

You saw that at the beginning.

I saw they were all,
there's a whole pack of cards.

Oh, missed a couple there,

But what I want you to do
is just count down seven cards for me.

From the top?

Yeah.
We'll do it from the top, that's fine.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

And just lay the seventh card
there for me.

- On here, yeah? Okay.
- Yeah.

Okay, you could have picked
any number from one to 52.

- I could have done.
- You could have said one,

you could have said ten, anything.

There's no way I was gonna know
you was gonna pick seven.

- No.
- Okay?

Now you could have taken the card
from anywhere you wanted.

You got to see they're all different.

- That's right.
- Is that fair?

Yeah, I think so, I can't...
I saw no funny business.

Okay so, Julia, what I want you to do

is just now turn over your card,
have a look.

Can you show it right up to
the audience, guys?

Show them your card.

Now you guys could have picked, as I say,

the cards you picked from
anywhere you liked,

- you could have picked any number.
- Yeah.

I made one prediction
before we came out tonight.

And inside this envelope,
just so you can see,

There's one card.

That's... brilliant.
Julia, I mean, how about you?

That was fantastic.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

I think you can return
to the audience now.

Thank you, Julia.
That was great, wasn't it?

Let's hear it for Julia,
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you very much. Damien, nice work.

- Thank you.
- I don't know how you did that.

Let's go round the front here,
we'll have a chat here.

Penn and Teller already deep in thought,
now you do street magic mainly, don't you?

Yeah, I do a lot of street magic,
close up is my best.

Do you always get it right in the street?

Or when you’re up close to people,

is it easier for them to see
the workings of what you do?

No, no, that's the great thing
I love about close up magic,

because it's right in front of them,
and often in their own hands.

Penn. Teller. Stop ignoring me.

Okay.

This is one of my
personal favorite methods in magic.

It is terrific, it is beautiful, and it is
the reason that close-up magic,

to me, is so much more interesting
than stage magic.

I will tell you
a few things that are great.

The stab through the card
is absolutely legit,

that card is there from the beginning.

Yeah. That is...

I will tell you that the force you did
on Julia is a wonderful force,

and your handling of Julia
was really beautiful.

- Thank you.
- She had no sense,

you didn't bully her,
you didn't push her, it was beautiful.

- Can I interrupt?
- Yes.

Because I know you don't want to
give too much away with the jargon,

but when you say he's just handled Julia,
the rest of us...

We'd love that to be
just expanded on a bit,

just so she doesn't
try and sue us afterwards,

I mean you didn't feel
handled in any way, did you?

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Now on Jonathan,

that was a fabulous trick,

and I'm going to
have to ask you, honestly...

There were other ways
that Jonathan thing could have gone,

and things went
very well for you, is that correct?

You could say that, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.
Things went very, very well for you.

So what we've got
is two tremendous card forces,

and doing that face up
is really astonishing and really great...

Now hang on.

...and your handling
of all the people as well.

There are, there are three of us
in this marriage,

and one of us doesn't know
what's happened there, so...

Okay.

- So I was part of this in some way?
- Well you were part of this.

You were part of this, in that
there's this wonderful thing

called multiple outs,

that if he were to do this trick
five more times,

in different rooms with different people,

it would probably be
a little bit different.

All he had to do was finesse you,
and you played right into his hands.

You are the perfect patsy.

But he's...

But he's 25,
he's only just started shaving.

How did he get the better of me?

Are you happy to... to accept
they knew what you did?

I just wanted to perform for these guys,
you know, so I'm happy.

It's great. Well you know what,
you performed for them,

but you also performed for all of us,
and we loved it, didn't we?

Yes, it was incredible.

Julia had a great time as well.
I loved it, I don't know how you did it.

- Damien, I hope we see you again.
- Thank you.

Damien, ladies and gentlemen,
what a great performer, come and say hi.

Thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.

Nicely done. Good stuff.

And now the moment
that I most look forward to every week,

it's time for the stars of the show
to get up here

and show us how easy it is
for them to fool us,

and they will, it's guaranteed.

Please welcome Penn and Teller!

We're gonna see Teller tonight,

and I'm gonna pick someone
from the audience here.

Let's go back a little further than usual.

How about you?
Would you come up here please?

Right up here please.

I don't need to know your name,
he's not gonna talk to you.

Right up here.
Teller will take care of you. Jonathan.

- Yeah?
- Join me. Get a good seat over here.

Okay, I can do that.

Hey, maybe I can join you
and try and work out how this is done.

Good thinking.

The wonderful Teller and Penn,
ladies and gentlemen.

That is quite something, isn't it?
That's remarkable.

I'm going to phone the local pet shop

to see if they'll make an offer
for that jar lot of goldfish.

Hopefully you'll be back
to see us here next time on Fool Us.

- I think I know how that was done.
- Do you have an idea?

I'm gonna show you.
Thanks for watching, goodnight everybody.