01x05 - Teller is a Blockhead

[bunniefuu]

Here's TV's very own
Mr. Magic, Jonathan Ross!

Thank you very much.
Thank you so much.

Massive sense of excitement.

I'm excited, you're excited,
they are terrified back there.

Hello, good evening everyone,
and welcome to Penn and Teller: Fool Us,

where our hopeful performers
go head to head

with two of the greatest magicians
to be found outside of Hogwarts.

Tonight, like the existence
of Mrs. Louis Walsh,

we aim to show you things
you didn't think possible.

Explain that to the kids later, now...

Tonight our performers will try to win
the chance to play Vegas

by fooling two legends who have been
performing together for over 35 years.

That's incredible, isn't it?
Thirty-five years.

That's got to have put a strain
on any relationship.

Teller obviously ran out of things to say
in 1982.

I like to think of them
as Dastardly and Mutely,

here they are, it's Penn and Teller!

Teller, nice to see you. I think
this part of the music is pretty good!

- Very nice. Very nice.
- Okay.

We know you don't really
want to be fooled, but part of you...

- you do want to be fooled, part of you...
- We do, we absolutely do,

I mean you don't get into magic
unless you love that feeling,

that's what brings you into it, so...
it's... it's a lot of pressure,

but someone doing a really great trick,

we have no idea how it's done,
that's magic.

So are you ready to be confounded
and bamboozled and hopefully tricked

and made to look small and silly
in front of everyone?

Yeah, we'll make it
as hard as we can for them.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
Penn and Teller,

take your seats gentlemen,
Penn and Teller!

If you're sitting comfortably,
you've got the best seats in the house,

you're all ready to go, let's get started,
let's meet our first contender.

Daniel Kramer.

I'm Daniel Kramer, I'm 15 years old,
and I'm a magician from North London.

I don't know where the magic
desire comes from, where he gets it from,

he's loved doing magic for a...
a long time.

I just love magic really.

I'm not really into magic really.
But...

Um...

It keeps him out the way I guess.

I like to do a trick,
and then every now and then,

I'll just break out into a joke.

- Dad.
- Hello Daniel.

I get all of my gossip
from my ketchup bottle.

- Yes?
- It's a very reliable sauce.

I've been preparing for tonight
by practicing very hard,

I've been testing it out
on family members.

- Mum. Mum.
- Yes, yes?

- Pick a card, any card, any card.
- Well I am... I am a bit busy.

Just take one, take one, take one.

He loves Penn and Teller.
He's got photos of them in his room.

He talks about them at the dinner table,
it's kind of a bit annoying,

but I mean... You've gotta live with it.

He's really excited
about it, and about the opportunity

to do something in front of,
as he sees it,

the greatest magicians in the world.

They'll be blown away.
They'll be speechless.

Even though one of them already is.

I don't think that age
will act as a hindrance,

because they'll realize
that I'm quite dedicated to my art.

And that I really, really
want to try and fool them.

What a lovely and touching film there,

emphasizing what you can achieve
with the love and support of your brother.

It was like watching a young Noel
and Liam Gallagher, wasn't it?

Will you please welcome
the fabulous Mr. Daniel Kramer!

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

Now, now, for my first amazing illusion,

I'm going to turn myself
into a 10-year-old boy.

Thank you very much!

I was watching the TV the other day,
and I saw a magician do an amazing trick

where he did one, two, three,
four, five, six cards.

He threw away one, two, three,
and yet somehow

he still had one, two, three,
four, five, six cards

Now when I first saw this,

I was as amazed as you were,
and I too forgot to applaud.

No, no, please, no, no, don't, don't.
Don't stop, come on! Right.

So I went down to my local shop,
and I said to the man behind the counter,

have you got that amazing trick

where a magician takes
one, two, three, four, five, six cards?

Throws away one, two, three,

and yet somehow he's still got one, two,
three, four, five, six cards left?

He said, no, this is the butcher's.

You might want to go next door
to the magic shop,

so I went next door to the magic shop,
I said to the man behind the counter,

have you got that amazing trick

when a magician takes
one, two, three, four, five, six cards,

he throws away one, two, three,

and yet somehow he still has one, two,
three, four, five, six cards left?

He said, "Yes we do."
I said, "I'll buy it please."

So I bought it.
And I've got it with me right now.

I'm gonna perform it for you today.
I'm so excited!

It's the amazing six card trick,
here we go.

I take one, two, three,
four, five, six cards.

I throw away one, two, three cards,

and yet somehow I still have one, two...

Hang on. Hang on.

One, two, three, four, five, six,
that is amazing, thank you.

If you'd like to come back over.

Thank you, thank you, now...

This, right here,
is a new invention of mine.

Last time I tried it out
it didn't exactly go well,

but hopefully it will work tonight,

this is the amazing
Twisteroo 3179.314279365123.



As you can see,
my arm goes all the way inside,

and if I open this you can see
my arm is real, correct?

- Yes, yes, looks real.
- Would you like to make sure it's real?

Yes.

That's... that's a joke.
It's a... it's a joke.

Now what's going to happen is, Jonathan,
is you're going to take

that portion of the... of the box.

Alright.

And you're going to start twisting it
nice and slowly, in a sort of,

a clockwise circular motion,
about three times,

or until I start screaming out in pain,
telling you to stop, okay?

- So I'm gonna put my... arm in again.
- Okay.

So if you'd like to take that portion
of the box and start twisting it.

- Are you ready?
- On the count of three.

One, two, three, go.

Once.

Ahhh!

Twice.

Ahhh!

Three times a lady,
there we go, I think that's enough.

Oh, that's... Oh dear, if you want
to just hold that portion of the box,

you seem to have...
this didn't happen last time,

but you've really hurt me! God!

I'm sorry, that's gotta hurt!

That's not meant to happen.
Now, let's try and reverse the process.

Twist it round the other way
if you like, here we go.

Ahhh!

Ahhh! Keep going.

Ahhh... Twice.

Ahhh!

And one more time! There we go.

And hopefully my arm
is completely back to normal, there we go.

There we go, thank you very much!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Daniel Kramer, ladies and gentlemen.

That was great. Well done,
that was just fabulous. Daniel Kramer.

Great performance.
Let's give Penn and Teller

a couple of minutes to talk.

Have you ever
been to Vegas before?

I've, I've never been to Vegas,
it'll be quite amazing if I did.

I would so love it
if as a result of the show

we got to send a boy of your age to Vegas
to fully enjoy it, because I think...

I think it would be
one hell of an experience for you...

And you did it all fabulously,
and the personality you have on stage,

and the warmth you give off,
and the humor,

that's a huge selling thing,

I mean that's what people
would love to see you doing, I'm sure.

You know, in a way...

in a way the magic
isn't the best part of the act,

you're the best part of the act.

And I thought it was great,
congratulations, it was really great fun.

Let's see if Penn and Teller
have got a clue.

You just said something dead wrong.

You said the magic wasn't
the best part of his act.

And I gotta tell you,
some of the stuff in there,

the more you know the better it was.

The opening trick he did,
I have seen Lance Burton, master magician,

star of his own Vegas show forever,
I have seen him do that,

we have both seen him do that,
and his ending was not as good.

Is that ending your own?

- No.
- Okay.

And that's another great thing,
he's honest, isn't that,

that's very rare
in show business.

You sold that so completely,
I was sure the ending of that was your own

'cause your acting was
just beautiful on it.

I also wanted to say, about the...
The hand thing you did,

what I love about that is you weren't
finding some other child to t*rture,

but you did it to yourself.

So you were the star of the trick
and the victim of the trick,

and I always love that.

And I also want to tell you something,
Daniel, really,

from the bottom of the heart,

I want you to look right now
at these two people sitting right here,

because that's the path you're on.

If you don't like what you see here.

I can't tell you.

I'm almost...

I'm almost a little teary eyed,
'cause we can show you pictures of Teller

doing shows when he was your age,
and it's exactly the same.

And I was doing the same stuff
when I was fifteen.

I just wasn't quite as good.

So you did not fool us,

but boy, you charmed us,
and I'm telling you, you are us.

Thank you.

And that is, that is true.
We all loved seeing you.

Mr. Daniel Kramer, ladies and gentlemen!

We'll be hearing more from him I'm sure.

Great job, it was tremendous.
It was great. That was great.

Let's get to know our next contender.

Romany.

Hi, my name is Romany.
I'm a female magicienne.

And I was once quoted as a cross between
Bette Midler and Mary Poppins.

At 15, the headmistress
of my convent school

asked me what I wanted to be,

and I said I wanted to be
a Moulin Rouge feather clad showgirl,

which I just got a disapproving stare,
but here I am.

I'm influenced by theater, and musicals,
and shows, and cabaret, and costumes.

The Magic Circle made me
stage magician of the year,

and that was the first woman
ever to win that.

It's fantastic being one of the very few
female magicians in the world,

because no one else
is doing what I'm doing.

I think it's about to get hot in here,
and I have to say, I'm so relieved,

'cause I was thinking of wearing
that outfit tonight myself,

and I'm glad I didn't.

Will you please welcome Romany!

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

I will perform for you
a very difficult and dangerous trick.

I'm looking for somebody...
to tie me up.

I've found him. It is you!

Well thank you very much,
that's very kind of you.

But...

Romany...

- Please tie me up.
- Oh, right, okay.

Place a double knot
upon this wrist.

Okay. Alright, so...

A nice double knot,
nice and tight.

Right, okay.
One and another one.

- Okay, that's tight.
- That is tight.

And now tie my hands up behind my back,

- Okay.
- Very, very tight.

Okay.
Things are looking up, okay, so...

One knot, and a two,
a double knot again?

Double knot, make sure
they're very, very tight.

Okay. Two knots, okay?

Good. We need some more rope.

More rope?

Please place the rope around
my neck and tie it very, very tightly,

Mr. Ross, two knots around my neck.

- So another knot here, okay.
- Yes.

So. So that's one, okay, sure,
and then the other one

- up through there.
- Perfect.

Take notice,
I am but a frail woman.

Two knots, right,
tied around the neck.

Good. And now through my arms, please.

- Okay. Through here.
- Back to front.

Okay.

And round again, make sure
they're tightly bound.

- Okay.
- And now tie them

in front of my...

Okay, this one
might take longer!

What are you looking at?

I'm not looking at the knot!
Okay, one...

Two, here, there we go.

Oh, I got a bit, I got a bit pulled up
in my own knot there, hold on.

Okay. There, two, two, two.

Good. That's tight. And now
around my derriere and to the front.

Blimey, we're doing
upstairs and downstairs, are we?

Another double knot down here?

- Yes, and to the front.
- Hold on, hold on. Hold on.

I nearly sat on your head.

I've got, it's done.

And now in front of my legs,
nice and tight.

- Around the front?
- Yes.

Oh, you really are, you're not
gonna be able to move much.

- Good.
- Okay. So let me just...

So ladies and gentlemen, you can see that
I'm thoroughly tied up, would you agree?

- Yes!
- Yes!

Who could have known
that magic could be such fun.

- Okay. That's done.
- Good.

And Sandy can do the rest. Monsieur Ross.

I'm exhausted, I don't know how
people can get, do this in the bedroom,

I wouldn't have the energy
for anything else I think!

I'd have to send out for someone else!

Please step into my tunnel of love.

Okay. Saucy.

Edge forward, and now,
shoulders back, chest out, stomach in.

Cheeks tight.

I shall enter in behind you.

Oh dear.

I'm coming in.

That's a first.

- Can you feel my presence?
- I feel both of them.

So now Sandy here is going
to raise the tunnel of love and wiggle it.

So are you ready? One, two, three, up!

Monsieur Ross, just relax.

One, two, three and down!

Wow!

Wow!

How was that done?
That's incredible, isn't it?

Thank you very much.

Wow, that is a...
The knots are still in place.

And my jacket's...
Romany, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you.

That was quite something.

If only we had the time, we could
keep doing that until one of us was naked.

We could, and...

You fooled all of them,
they're the two you've gotta worry about,

they're gonna talk about it now.

So I'll cut these off.
The knots are still in place,

I can see that, okay, where shall I start?

- At my neck please.
- Okay, be careful now.

Okay, the front area,
the breasticles, okay. And...

- My wrists.
- The wrists, okay.

So I think I'm out.

And that's it. You're out of there.

Ladies and gentlemen,
wasn't that spectacular?

Romany.
What a great performance, thank you!

Thank you! Thank you.

I'll re-garb.

And I can tell you,
I didn't do anything to help out,

I didn't take my jacket off,
I didn't do anything.

That was a terrific performance.

I don't know whether
the guys have worked it out.

- They look quite content over there.
- They do.

But maybe they're just enjoying the view.
Penn, Teller, do you know how she did it?

As far as the rope tie, this was used
extensively in spirit cabinets,

where people would be tied up like this
by a committee from the audience,

then put in a cabinet,

and it was all done to
prove the existence of the spirit world.

It's wonderful for it to be done
with sexual flirtation instead.

Something good instead of something evil.
It's a variation on the Keller rope tie.

I think you recognize that.

And then all you need is someone who is
compliant and bends to your every whim,

like Jonathan Ross.

- It was wonderfully done.
- Happy to oblige!

Ladies and gentlemen,
she was fabulous wasn't she?

She didn't fool them
but it was a great act. Romany!

Fabulous. Thank you so much.

Let's get to know our next contender,
ladies and gentlemen.

Alan Rorrison.

My name is Alan Rorrison,

I am a close up magician

from a little town in Scotland
called Port Glasgow.

The town can be a little bit rough,
if you mess up

someone will happily call you mid routine,
just to think they've got one over you,

so you've gotta get your chops up quick.

I've always had a little
cheeky, c*ck thing going on,

it's just part of the character
and kind of the way this town's shaped me,

and the way you need to be to get by.

But I prefer to define myself as like a...
some maybe underground-esque kind of guy,

I don't go to all the magic clubs
and stuff like that,

I prefer just to hit a bar
if I want to try out a new idea,

and just to actually try it on people.

If you're going to do magic,

you should be able to do it
just with anything.

Whatever is lying about, you shouldn't
need a special sort of circumstance.

I'm looking forward to performing
for Penn and Teller.

It's two magicians
that I've grown up watching,

so it'll be a nice experience

actually performing for
somebody I've looked up to,

I mean basically all my
sort of magic career or life.

He is a great magician,
but part of me thinks he also got booked

just so I had to try and say his name,

so here we are,
please welcome Mr. Alan Rorrison!

Thank you. Thank you.

I'd like to invite
Mr. Jonathan Ross back on stage.

- Thank you. Hello, Alan.
- Nice to see you.

Which side... which side shall I stand?

If you could stand just there
that would be perfect, and um...

It's my first time on here, buds.

- Do you want me to...
- Yeah, okay.

Okay.

You know what, if people are watching

they're gonna think
it's Ant and Dec, aren't they?

Are you trying to say
I've got a big forehead?

No. No.

It's alright, I'll let you off.
I'll let you off.

Right, what I need you to do,

if you could be so gentle as to

just dig in, give them a little mix,

and I need you to select out
any four you would like.

Okay.

Take your time, I've got all day.

I'm not a proper shuffling person.
So any four from here?

Any four, yes.
The face sides don't matter...

- One, two...
- They're basically just a cover.

three, three, and four. Okay?

Now, that's perfect, thank you,
would you like to stand now?

Up you come, son, there you go.

Right, for the next part...

I shouldn't go picking
the big guys, should I?

For the next part we are going
to need to make a table.

- Okay.
- Like a human table.

So I will be using you for part of this,
and we need one other person, so...

- From that side, you'd like?
- From any side you like.

If you would like to grab them
while I explain what's going to happen.

Who would like to do it? Which of
the ladies here would like to do it?

The lady there.
What's your name?

- Reema.
- Reema, ladies and gentlemen.

- Now, here we are.
- What was your name again?

- Reema.
- Reema. My name's Alan.

Right, for this I need to explain
the sort of genesis of this for me.

Now most magicians will practice
either with cards or coins.

I like to practice with both,
so it is something I carry around a lot.

For this we also need a nice big
fluffy mat, and a nice big hard table.

And the reason being
is we will place the coins

out into a nice little sort of square,

and you cover each one of these up. Okay?

Now what's going to happen is
you start to cover all these up,

you're gonna jump everything about.

And it works in a very simple manner,
just like this.

If you tap, that will jump.

Should get a round of applause,
but I'll let it go, it's very...

It's all very boring.

Now again, all a magician would do is
he would do it with all four of these,

and he would clink, and everything
would jump out the way.

But, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't applaud that, don't applaud that,
because in this one you need the cards,

you need the coins,
you need the big fluffy mat.

In fact, the mat's
the most important thing.

What that lets you do

is secretly put your thumb on things
and pick it up, as you're picking

up with the cards and things like that,
you can also slide stuff along.

So I decided to try and figure out a way

that would get rid of the big fluffy mat,
the table,

and basically everything
that we don't need.

So what I've decided to do
is take the mat and get rid of it.

I was aiming for your head there,

- did I miss?
- Yes.

- Sorry.
- It's too high for you isn't it?

So to do this if you could
have a wee sit over here.

- Sit down?
- Follow him my dear, thank you.

- Just have a little seat there.
- After you, Reema.

You sit down first, big boy.

There you go. And what I need you to do
is make a human table.

And what I need you to do
is make a human table.

Have you worked out how to do this?

- No but I'm game!
- You don't know. Right.

Shall I...

Go for it!

Sit down you, right.

If you could be so kind as to
put your hands out just like that for me.

And I'm going to tuck
the label of your tie in.

Thank you.

That way they won't know
it's from Primark,

if you could do the same. Thank you.

And now what we need to do
is just place a coin on each.

Now I need to make sure it's tail side up
or my OCD would go mental.

And we also need the cover.

- Yes.
- So the cover, again,

would be our little cards.

Now again, it's gonna work
the exact same way,

but if I try and slide this now,
it'll obviously fall and hit the floor.

In fact, could you
put your hand down a bit?

I told you, I'm not that tall.

Perfect, that one there. There we are.

And again, if I try and do it now,
this means

if I tap this one with this card,
and that one with that card,

you should both be able to feel
everything happen.

Wow!

Now, I'll let you feel both.

Because your hand is
the receiving hand over here,

I'll try and let you feel both of these,
so if you just click,

you should be able to feel
both of these as it jumps,

now leaving three over here.

And for the very last one,
let me just try and see if I can do this.

You can pop it and it will jump
all the way over.

That was incredible, wasn't it?

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you Reema, ladies and gentlemen.

Alan, that was incredible.

While we've got the chairs,
why don't we...

We can still use the chairs,

we'll let Penn and Teller
confer there for a bit.

Now I've known Penn and Teller
on and off for about 20 years,

and it's only in the last six months or so
that Penn has started understanding me...

- Yeah
- ...most of the time, as you say, when...

For him, when we're speaking now, for him,
what he hears is...

Yeah, yeah.

- That's what he's thinking.
- A completely different language.

It's like two ducks sitting out there
in front of him or something

as far as he's concerned.

I think you're in
with a pretty good chance.

I'm going to ask,
I'm going to jump in now I think.

We just have to ask you one question.

And...

If we're wrong about this,
you have fooled us.

We're not gonna try to sneak in
a second guess

because we don't have a second guess.

And if we don't know this,
you've fooled us.

Would you just
hold your hands up like this?

And just tell us, just honestly, I guess,

could you do that routine exactly the same
if you took off all your jewelery.

- What jewelry are you pertaining to?
- Rings.

Bang on boy. Bang on.

And I also have to add he...
he also fooled me.

- He fooled you?
- It was another Teller one.

Teller, wow, he's too smart.

Alan Rorrison, ladies and gentlemen.
Great performance, well done. Great stuff.

It's time for us to meet
our next magician.

Richard Bellars.

Hi I'm Richard Bellars,
I've been doing magic for 22 years.

The type of magic I perform
is a mixture of either close up,

sleight of hand or mind control.

If you could imagine the Artful Dodger
learn how to do magic,

that's pretty much my style.

Last time I was on the show
I got royally busted,

mainly because I used
an off the shelf trick.

I was cheeky, I had a bit of fun.

First of all,
the whole study of psychology

and implanting thoughts
in people's heads is bullshit.

This time it will be different,

I'm gonna bring
the best I've got to the table.

Richard's been really excited
about performing again.

He's been working literally day and night.

I came up with the idea for this routine
in a dream that I had.

He'll get up in the middle of the night
sometimes with a bright idea.

I knew the dream,
and all the bits and pieces of the dream,

would make up this routine,
I just had to figure out

how to sew it all together, and how to
make it into what it's become now.

He can't wait.

And this time I will fool Penn and Teller.

To try and fool
Penn and Teller once is brave.

To come back and try and do it again
is verging on insanity,

so please welcome the very nearly mad
Richard Bellars.

Thank you. Hi.

I think it's quite clear
the last time we met

you burned me pretty bad.

And I deserved it,
I didn't try hard enough

and it haunted me for a while,

until I had a dream of a routine
that I could do to you guys,

should we meet again,

and so clear was the dream
that I went out and placed a bet

on the outcome.

And that's where this case comes in.

Teller, would you mind
looking after this for me?

Place it on your chair,

and could you both join me
up on stage? That's be great.

Give them a hand guys, Penn and Teller.

Good to see you, Richard.

You too, yeah. Come over this side.

- On this side?
- Yes please, yeah.

Also on this side. How are you?

And, also I'll need Jonathan
as our referee.

The dream basically raised one question,

which was who would win
in a challenge between Penn and Teller?

We know you work perfectly as a team,

I want to know who is the actual talent.
So I've devised a couple of challenges.

I'm hoping
one of them is wrestling.

I can change it. I can change it.

So, the first challenge is darts.
Have you played before?

I've thrown darts,
but I've never played, yeah.

Well come on over, Jonathan,
if you could stand here.

Come on over guys.

What we have, a circular board,


Outer rings double, inner rings treble,
the bullseye's worth 50 and so on.

- Yes.
- You're gonna get three darts each.

The highest score wins.
You're gonna go first.

- Okay.
- So those are your darts.

- Okay.
- As we say in darts it's game on.

Jonathan will keep score,
good luck.

- Going for the high score, right?
- Yeah, absolutely.

Maybe I should tell you after
what I'm going for.

- One, good.
- One!

- I was going for a triple, triple one.
- Teller, I'm rooting for you.

Teller, it's alright. One.

- Fourteen.
- That's 14, so you've got 15.

Fifteen.

And that is in the...
What's that? Is that the nineteen?

- Yes.
- So that's... 34.



Well done.

I'll get those for you.

We're running
out of chalky stuff.

Good luck.

Are we good? Okay, 34 to beat,

you can do it with one die
if you're good enough.

No pressure.

Okay, that's,
that's on the board.

You're playing American rules.
Is that it?

Oh,
just outside the triple thirteen.

So, you've gotta get a double
or a treble on the board.

Another 13, 26.


that's a good score. Perhaps...

Yes! Yes! Yes!

The second game is
more about using your minds,

so really it should be
more up your street. No offense. So...

This is like
a really weird edition

of The Generation Game, isn't it?

We hope so. Come over to challenge two,
guys, which is over here.

I don't know which way you stand?
Do you stand on particular sides?

But Penn on this side,
Teller on this side.

What you have,
you've gotta think,

you have 20 seconds
to think of a six letter word,

then take the letters
and pop it up on there.

- A six letter word?
- Six letter word.

Take your time,
but the audience is gonna decide

which is best by cheering the loudest.

- Okay? So that's down to them.
- Twenty seconds.

Twenty seconds starting from... Now. Go.

And I've, I've no idea
what they're gonna go for,

and you're gonna be the judge,

- who's loudest, so...
- I'll judge from the cheers...

Yes.

as to which word you think is the best.

That's looking good.
Penn, no cheating!

Well, we've gotta see
what he does first.

That's... housey!

Who thinks toilet is the better word?

There's a lot of love
for toilet in the room.

For housey,
who likes housey the best?

It's, it's toilet all the way.

Yes! Teller. Teller,
give him a hand, Mr. Teller.

So that's one all, okay?

Come back to the middle, guys.

Now Teller,
if you'd join me here.

Penn, if you could stand here for me.

Uh...

There was a winner in my dream,
so we've gotta decide this,

who's gonna be our, our champion,
so we'll do it how grown men should.

Rock-paper-scissors.

- Okay.
- Okay?

Okay. Ready?

Okay, you've gotta put
your hand behind your back

and you've got to either do

- scissors, rock or paper.
- Rock. Paper. Scissors.

- On three, not after three.
- Okay.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

There you go.

So Teller wins, paper over rock.

Paper wins rock, beats rock every time.

So teller's our winner!

Okay Teller? That was stressful.
That was stressful, wasn't it?

That was, thanks, there was
a purpose to both of them.

What we did was to have a prediction.

Which you couldn't see
the whole way through,

but were you guys watching?

No one went over there and so on?

Okay, would you mind bringing
that prediction up to the table,

and one more time guys, could you
give it up for Teller? Our winner.

- Shall I stay here?
- You stay there I think.

Put it down here for me.

Perfect.

Could you please click those open for me?
I don't want to touch the locks.

Inside here is something
that you'll need in just a second.

I'll need?

Pick that up for me.

Oh, I don't like
where this is heading.

Well, if he's managed to
get it up there, he is a magician.

Teller, thank you very much,
go and sit down, have a seat, have a seat.

Now it's not, thank you.

No, I did keep it
in a very safe place, so I'll just...

Would you... would you like me to put on
a German accent while I'm doing this?

I'll be honest, a little bit...

No, here's the idea, I kept it in my shoe.

And I... I was a bit nervous,
I was a bit sweaty,

I want you to go in after it.

- Okay.
- Okay?

So let everyone see,
I'm just gonna take this off fairly,

if I can, there.

Just pick them up,
just holding onto the laces,

so they can see inside,
tip it up the other way.

Oh, man!

Inside there is a piece of paper.

There is.

And I want you to be
very fair when you open that.

- I have in my hands a piece of paper.
- No funny business.

Okay.

- It's quite hard, you have to...
- I predicted what would happen...

- Okay.
- if you guys played darts,

if you guys did some words.

The darts score, what did we get?

Okay, I'm gonna fold it over
for maximum suspense.

Okay, sure.

If you can see that there, it says,
"Darts, Penn scores 34, Teller scores 26."

Thank you very much.

And here we have two words,

it was Penn's word,
what does it say on there?

Okay. If I move down, it, it says,
"Words: Penn's word, housey."

- Housey.
- "Teller's word, toilet."

Toilet. Thank you.

But then, it was a draw,
so we had to do paper, rock, scissors,

and Teller, you won the tie break.

It's at the bottom.
"Teller wins."

- Teller wins!
- I guess dreams do come true.

I will collect my winnings.
Thank you very much.

Wow, this is incredible.

- Well done, sir.
- Thank you very much.

- Come down the front here.
- Sure.

I'm hoping... I'm hoping some people
who weren't magic fans,

when they tuned in,
saw some darts, thought,

"Great, darts, I'm gonna stay for that."

How confident are you?
Do you think you've fooled them?

I think I've done all I can to fool them.

- Whether I have or not is, is up to them.
- Okay, well we'll find out now.

But I couldn't have done it any better.

Penn? Don't just ignore me,
I'm not going away.

You go on, we've got work to do.

You've, no,
you've gotta do the...

This was hard, we were on stage during it.

It's hard, that's the whole point,
it's meant to be hard.

Come on. Eyes front.

Teller's still thinking,
either that or he's got some wind.

Guys? That's enough time I think.
I'll have to push you.

What we have, the reason it took so long,

is because we're having trouble.

And we are not, by any means,
sure how it's done.

I believe
you wrote the prediction yourself.

And I believe you used a...

Some variation on a little thing
that allows you

to write in your hand secretly,

and I think you're
really, really good at it.

Teller thinks you couldn't possibly
be that good at using that gimmick.

We both believe that the prediction
went from your right pocket,

down your leg, and loaded into the shoe.

I did not write it,
I'll be honest about that.

But I also did not copy it,
and I did not use my pocket at all.

Did not use your pocket at all?

It never went down his leg.

Then you, sir,

even more than we thought,
have...

- fooled us.
- Yes!

Well done! Richard Bellars, everyone.

He fooled them.

You know what, Richard?

Wouldn't this be awful if this was
just another dream and...

Dream!

That's great, you're going to Vegas,
Richard Bellars, ladies and gentlemen!

Richard, they... congratulations.

Richard Bellars.

So far, tonight we have seen
some tremendous acts

and one person is going to Vegas,
they're going to Las Vegas.

Incredible performance.

But ladies and gentlemen, now it's time
for me to evacuate the stage

and make way for two of
the biggest talents in magic today,

so to close tonight's show,

something that will definitely
fool you as well as me.

Will you please welcome Penn and Teller!

I wanna know if the...
if the people in the studio here

can tell that much,
but people at home can certainly tell

that because we're live performers,

you might notice that I
tend to look toward the back

when I'm performing
and when I'm talking to all of you,

and that's because I have
astonishingly bad eyesight.

See if I'm sitting right up
here in the front, like right down here,

still looks like I'm watching on TV.

So I always experience every show,
no matter where I'm sitting,

I always experience it
kind of vicariously. Uh...

What's your name please, ma'am?

- Bex.
- Bex.

Right up here would you please, Bex?
Right up here on the stage please?

I'm gonna bring... I'm bringing you
up here for a couple of reasons here, Bex.

One reason is a lot of times,
people sitting in the back,

they're not even gonna see someone
who's sitting right down here in front.

This is Bex, she's in the third row,

that's what people in the front look like,
right here.

That's Bex right there.

And, I also wanted to give you
an opportunity to meet Teller.

He looks about ten pounds heavier
on TV, but all the same, that's Teller.

I'm gonna bring you out over here Bex.

One of the things that I notice
as I get close to you,

is that you're wearing glasses that are
very fashionable and very attractive. Uh,

Uh... Are those just worn for fashion
or are they also corrective?

- No, they're for corrective. Yeah.
- They're corrective?

Just, forgive me for a second,
would you just take them off for a second?

I just want to take a look at them.

Oh, these are beauti... I love the...
I love the black and white.

And, and so clean Bex, your...
Your ocular hygiene is astonishing.

That's... that's...
I've gotta talk to you about that.

'Cause my glasses look like I've just
cleaned them off with a beef patty.

But these are... These are beautiful.

And I, I don't want to get personal Bex
but are you near sighted or far sighted?

- Far sighted.
- Far sighted.

So if I'm, if I'm
close enough to you, like,

- you can see me without them a little bit?
- Yeah.

Okay, let me just put these
right here Bex, where they'll be safe.

Now Bex, with you on stage you can feel
the whole tone of the audience changes.

'Cause the audience trusts you
in a way they couldn't possibly trust me.

Okay? First is if you were not on stage,
if I were to reach into my pocket

and pick out a billiard ball
and just state, "This is a billiard ball,"

some people wouldn't believe it,

wouldn't believe it,
and it would be for a few reasons.

One reason is they sell
billiard ball shells

that are used for
billiard ball manipulation acts,

you can pull off, like...
They sell collapsible billiard ba*ls,

and also they wouldn't believe me,
because, Bex, I am a liar.

So if you weren't up here to demonstrate
that it's a real billiard ball,

I might do that
by going over here and just...

Tapping it like this.

Now with you on stage, Bex,
I don't have to do that,

but I still do it

because that annoys Teller
and that brings me joy.

So with you on stage, Bex,
all I have to do is to have you examine,

and it's really important,
examine that billiard ball clearly,

would you please?

We're also gonna use this magic wand,
Teller you're not facing, yeah...

I'm going to use that magic wand.
And Bex, is that a real billiard ball?

- Yeah.
- And is this a real magic wand?

Who cares, Bex, and... it's a...

See, this works better to be
in the audience than to be right up here,

because in the audience
this looks kind of groovy.

But up here this is clearly just a dowel
covered with shelf paper

and some adhesive tape,

that's been bitten off
by one of our magic guys, see?

- Yeah!
- But all the same,

these are the props
you're gonna be using, Bex.

Now, I'm gonna tap this three times.

On the third time,
it's gonna vanish. Okay, Bex?

- Okay.
- Now, am I in your sweet spot?

Can you see okay?
Can you see alright from where you are?

Yeah, I'm alright.

Good, I want to make sure
I was on your right side.

Here we go Bex, in one, two, three!

What was that, Bex,
about two seconds? A second?

Yeah. A second.

But for that, like, second

you were filled with like,
full body Disney wonder, right?

Yes.

And then you glanced up here
and the wave form collapsed

and it went to abject disappointment.

Yeah.

But fortunately for everybody involved,

this is a two person performing ensemble
and Teller is much better than I am.

If you watch the rest of this trick,
you could pretty much ignore me,

it doesn't matter at all,
but keep your eyes on Teller.

Stare at him carefully. Put your gla...

Oh, no, Bex!
One of two things has happened.

Either your glasses
have really, truly vanished,

or I no longer care about breaking them.

It's alright Bex, you said
it was about a second I fooled you?

Is that right?

About a second you said
I fooled you, you said?

About a second I fooled you?

This might fool you a little longer Bex.

Now, Bex.

I wouldn't expect you
to be able to see that far

without your glasses.

But Bex. Are those
your glasses right there, Bex?

Yeah.

Go on then, pop them off Teller's face.
I put them on the wrong face.

- Are those your glasses Bex?
- Yes.

I'm afraid I soiled them, you can
clean them off with this in a little bit.

Thank you so much, please watch your step.
That's Bex there, Bex! Bex!

Penn and Teller,
ladies and gentlemen, fabulous.

Jonathan Ross!

Wow, nice work! Great stuff!

Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

That was awesome.
Penn and Teller.

See you next time as once again
we try and fool them on Fool Us.

Goodnight everybody, thanks for watching.