01x07 - The Magic of Polyester

[bunniefuu]

Here's TV's very own
Mr. Magic, Jonathan Ross!

Thank you very much!

Thank you.

Hello everyone, and welcome to
Penn and Teller: Fool Us,

where magical talents attempt to fool
two magicians

who've held us entranced for 35 years.

Now the whole idea tonight
is for the acts to leave us thinking

how the hell did he do that?

Much like when you heard that
Peter Crouch had pulled Abbey Clancy.

Abracadabra and Alacazam were two of
the Middle East's greatest magicians

who couldn't make it, but...

But we still have
an incredible show for you.

Now I have to point out,
this show doesn't use any audience plants,

there's no camera trickery,
this show is pure,

this show is whiter than
Philip Schofield's natural hair color.

To succeed tonight, our acts must fool
two master magicians.

From Vegas with tricks, which sounds like
a low budget Bond movie, doesn't it?

Please welcome Susan and Colin.
Penn and Teller!

Mr. Teller, nice to
see you again, Mr. Penn.

Good to see you.

Lovely to see you again.

I've got to own up, I was just...

I was just guessing the names there,
was I close or are there others

- Very close, you got one of them right.
- Susan and Colin?

Oh great. We've been having a...
just a great time here.

I know, it's not just
showbiz talking, that's the truth.

We've been loving seeing these acts.

You have been, I think,
surprised by just the quality

and the inventiveness of what we've seen.

Well we knew there'd be
good magic in the UK,

we didn't know it would be this good!
It's really great.

You look forward to
being fooled, don't you?

Yeah, we want to be fooled,

but we also want to show
we can figure out a few of them.

Yeah. I think tonight, we're
gonna see a little bit of both.

Let's find out.

- Take your seats.
- We will.

- Penn and Teller, ladies and gentlemen.
- Fool us!

Okay.

As always, I promise
the audience here, and you at home

some great acts and we can deliver,

it's time to get on with the show,
let's meet our first wannabe fooler.

Gazzo.

Show time!

My name's Gazzo. I'm a street entertainer.

I told you to stop stalking me,
why do you do it?

I get enjoyment out of
performing magic on the streets

for people that could not afford to see me
if I was famous.

That's why I do it.

Every time I see that man,
he's with a different woman.

I'd describe my style of magic,
would be very controversial, in your face,

like wide boy, market atmosphere.

Yeah, yeah, now stop it,
I know it's on a stick, shut up!

I have a lot of passion for what I do,
but it's a gift. I can't explain it.

So I said to my wife,
"Did you fake it last night?"

She said, "No, I really was asleep."

You know, I've been everywhere,
I went from, say, England to Europe,

then America to Canada,
Cambodia, Thailand,

and magic has allowed me to do that.

Cheer up sir, you wanted kids.

I say in my show that Tom Cruise
is not really a samurai warrior

or a secret agent, and Anthony Hopkins
does not really eat people.

I'm not really a mean person,

it's just the way
my character is when I perform.

Good boy! Is he drunk? Okay.

So if anybody out there
are finding me offensive I do apologize.

Thank you. Is that your wife
or are you on a business trip?

Ladies and gentlemen it's
the bad boy from Bath, it's Gazzo!

Well we don't need Vegas
when we've got this, right?

Yes!

- Hello, Mr. Penn and Mr. Teller.
- How are you?

What I'm gonna do is my rendition
of the oldest trick in the world.

Here it is, the classic cups and ba*ls.
Ball number one.

Disappeared.

Ball number two

is gonna disappear the same... excuse me?

Yeah, that wasn't
very strong misdirection,

I thought if I look back, you look back,
but you saw me do that, so...

This is a tough one
with everybody watching.

There are three ba*ls being
manipulated throughout

and two of them have vanished,
the third one I will blow on it,

it'll vanish, right before your very eyes.

I bet you're wondering
where the ba*ls are.

Your name, sir.

- Darren.
- Stand up please.

Put your hand in your hip pocket,
your jean pocket, your right hand.

Take out the ba*ls. Are they in there?

No.

Of course they're not
you silly wally, sit down.

Watch the dance of the little ba*ls.

Ball one goes here, or three goes there,
two goes here, ball one goes here.

Darren, right? Is it Darren?
Did I hear right? Point to a cup, Darren.

Your choice. They're all the same.

Especially this one,
over there, that's a nice one.

- Which one do you want, Darren?
- This one.

Which one, Darren? It's A, B, C.
Pick a cup, Darren.

A.

Thank you!

He thinks I influenced his choice
by going "pick A cup."

No, I didn't influence your choice, did I?

- No.
- You could have had any cup,

and I take the ball from here like this,
did you see it go?

Not drunk.

Taken it from here, you see.

Thank you.

Two on the bottom, one on top,
that's my favorite position.

Is this the way it's gonna be?

There's too many ba*ls to begin with,
so what I'm gonna do is eliminate a few,

which makes the game
a little bit easier to follow.

So we have one ball there
and one ball there.

Darren, would you mind
standing for me please?

Don't be embarrassed about your shirt.

Okay? Darren, how many ba*ls
are being used throughout?

- Three.
- Three, yeah.

Okay, so how many ba*ls
are underneath the middle cup?

- One.
- One. Okay.

So if I eliminate this one from the game,

how many ba*ls will it leave
left in the game?

- Two.
- Correct

But if I eliminate this one from the game,

how many ba*ls will it left in the game?

- One.
- And where is it?

- In the middle.
- In the middle. There you are.

I'll put this one away. But how come,
Darren, this one's back so quick?

Well, I tell you Darren, because what I do
is sleight of hand,

I don't take the ball and put it here,

I just manipulate it in such a way
that you think it's going away.

But I keep it palmed, yeah?

There's no ball here,
but when I lift up the cup, what happens?

I drop the ball from the back of the cup,

create the illusion that it comes
from the cup, you stupid audience!

Sleep.

Darren, now you've seen the ball going in,
tap three times, yeah?

This one's back, which leaves
how many ba*ls, Darren?

One.

If you can't, not sure,
take a guess, Darren.

One.

- Two.
- Three.

Three ba*ls go in
at the same time, Darren, ready?

At the same time,
how many are here, Darren?

- None.
- Are you sure?

It's an orange.

I'll take this trick one step further.

- Ready, Darren?
- Think so.

Darren, this is a hat, a hat, right?
Ordinary hat.

I cover up the ball,

and the ball is gonna vanish.

Vanish. How many ba*ls
under the hat, Darren?

One.

Right. Ready? Watch it disappear.

It's vanished.
How many ba*ls under the hat, Darren?

One?

- No, it vanished, remember? I said...
- Oh, under that one.

Yeah. It's my fault, I picked you.

How many ba*ls, Darren?

- None.
- None?

You don't believe it though, do you?

- Not much.
- I'll bring it back then.

- Ready, Darren?
- Yeah.

- How many ba*ls?
- One.

Yeah. How many now?

- None.
- What? How many?

- None.
- Three.

You see you thought I took the ba*ls out,

but I told you to watch the oldest trick
in the world, remember that.

Gazzo, ladies and gentlemen! Gazzo.
Gazzo, come on out here.

Come round the front here.

We've all seen people do what they call,
I believe,

the cup and ba*ls,
is that what they call it?

- Cups and ba*ls, yeah.
- Cups and ba*ls.

Most of us have seen it,
seen people do it at parties,

kids parties, that kind of thing,
or sometimes swingers parties,

but that was just about, I think,
the best I've ever seen.

Would you not agree, ladies and gentlemen?
Wasn't that just out of this world?

- Awesome.
- Thank you very much.

Penn and Teller,
do you want to start talking?

Or do you want to...
do you want to start with me now?

Could we... could we thank you
from the bottom of our hearts

for letting us be on your show?

It's just... that's just the greatest,
the greatest, I mean...

Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.

Literally, literally the oldest trick
in magic, done perfectly.

That's what you just saw.

Very important to remember,
in all art and all performance,

it is the singer, not the song,

and you're the best singer
we've ever seen, man.

- Thank you very much.
- Just the greatest. The greatest.

Thank you.

The best they've ever seen.

By the absolute rules of this show,

you did not fool us
because we do the trick.

- Of course. Of course.
- But you did it better than us.

- What more could we ask for?
- Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, he didn't fool them,
he's not going to Vegas,

but Gazzo, you blew us all away,
it's Gazzo, ladies and gentlemen!

Great entertainment,
just great entertainment.

Thank you for coming on. Gazzo!

Let's meet our next contender.

Colin McLeod.

My name is Colin McLeod.
I am a mentalist from Scotland.

You know, a number of newspapers
have referred to me as being

the Sherlock Holmes of the mind.

I mean I think the real interest
in Sherlock Holmes

came from childhood really,
of getting the books and reading them,

and just being fascinated with this guy
who could look someone up and down,

and just from their appearance,
know essentially everything about them.

I actually studied forensic investigation
at university in Glasgow,

but I specialized more
in criminal profiling.

I'm now taking that real psychology

and applying that
to the entertainment aspect

I really feel that
I can bring both together

to create something quite unique
and different.

The routine that I'm
gonna perform this evening is,

it will hopefully give the audience
the experience of being

the closest thing to real mind reading
that they'll ever see.

Let me just explain something here.

He claims that he can read
our audience's minds, okay?

And looking at you,
I don't want to be rude,

but I hope he's brought a magazine along
'cause it ain't gonna take long, is it?

Would you please welcome Mr. Colin McLeod!

Ah, good evening, ah...
thank you very much.

Before I start, I think
it's only right that I tell you

there are three techniques that I'm using

to create the illusion
I'm gonna do tonight.

First of all, I'm not from here.

I'm from a place in Scotland
called Hart Hill.

It's very boring, there's cows.

Thank you... They're not even my family!

But there's lots of cows
and they poo a lot,

so when I left there very quickly
I went to work for an academy

where I started learning stage hypnosis,
then I went to university in Glasgow,

where I studied profiling.

So basically the three scales I'm using
are psychology, suggestion and bullshit,

and it really is a mixture of them
you're about to witness,

in fact, tonight for this demonstration
there's two things you need to know,

they're very important.

First of all, we're gonna choose
someone at random by throwing out a hat,

we'll come to that in a second,
but secondly, this envelope,

this envelope is crucial
to what's about to take place.

Um...

Do you know, actually, Penn, instead of me
choosing someone with the hat,

to make it even fairer,
would you please mind choosing

someone that you think
this would work quite well with.

Okay, let me see who I can get.

Well, how about...
how about the gentleman here

in the kind of white shirt
and the baseball hat?

He's right there at the front.

- Hi, what's your name sir?
- Kenny.

Kenny, are you happy to help here?

- Yes, absolutely.

Then Kenny, please come up.
Give Kenny a round of applause for...

Kenny. I won't embarrass you,
alright there?

Okay. That's fine.

If you could come and stand
right on that dot please for me, Kenny.

Kenny, can I just have you face the front,
just slightly more?

Kenny, be honest, would you say that
you have a good imagination?

Yeah, yeah, pretty good.

Okay, you thought about that,
but that's okay, okay.

Kenny, let's imagine you see behind us,
we have bookcases,

I want you to imagine for me,
that you walk into a book shop,

you open up the doors, and there's books
either side of the book shop.

Be honest, would you pick a book up
from this side or from over...

Where would you pick the book from?

This side.

Okay, you pick up the book,
you look at it,

now you're going to have to imagine this.

Just look there, tell us,
what's the book called? Make it up.

The Memoirs of Penn and Teller.

And you said you had a good imagination.
Good, right.

And let's just imagine you flicked through
the book and you stop on one page.

Look there, tell us what page number
do you actually stop on.

Look right there. It's up to you.

Eighteen.

Want to change your mind
or are you happy with 18?

- I'm happy with 18.
- I want you to look there right now

and think of one word that you can see,

change your mind if you like,
get one word in your head,

tell me when you've got one,
don't say it but just...

- Have you got a word in mind?
- Yeah.

You shut the book, it goes back
up on the shelf, the book is gone.

Now Kenny, I'm not gonna
read your mind, they are.

The only clue that I want you
to give them, Kenny, is first of all,

can you count
the number of letters in this word?

Is it quite a long word?

- Is it more than six letters?
- No.

Okay, can you please
tell everyone right now then,

how many letters are in the word?

- Five.
- Five. Kenny, I don't want you to see

the bit of paper that I've got here,
can you just look the other way for me?

- Yeah.
- So you don't see.

I'm gonna show you the word
that I'm hoping Kenny,

right now, is thinking of.

Kenny, keep your eyes closed as well
for me, that would be lovely.

So Kenny, can you please look back round.

Kenny, be absolutely honest,

tell us in your nicest,
clearest public speaking voice,

what word were you thinking of?

Brick.

- Say that again, sorry?
- Brick.

Did you at any point there
think of the word house

then change your mind?

- No.
- No.

That'd have been cool, wouldn't it?

Right... the word you thought of,
say that again sorry, Kenny?

Brick.

Ladies and gentlemen,

brick.

Kenny, thank you very, very much.
That's for you.

- Thank you, cheers.
- Okay, thank you.

Cheers.

Oh, one more thing! Sorry. One more thing.

The reason I did ask Penn
to choose someone this evening is

I didn't want to actually
just throw out the hat.

I tend to find this quite painful,
especially...

when you're thinking of a brick.
Thank you very much guys, thank you.

That was quite something!
Wow, that was quite something!

Awesome, great stuff, 'cause I...
I'm sure you want us to think

that you'd gone the wrong way and made
a mistake when you hadn't.

I'm not gonna ask you how you do it,

but let's just check something,
and make sure everyone knows this at home.

You didn't know Kenny,
you hadn't met Kenny?

Never met Kenny before in my life.
But thank you, Kenny, for helping.

He was chosen at random by Penn,

so there's no way you could
have influenced that.

I'm dying to ask you how you did it,
I know you're not gonna tell me.

It might be you have a good chance.
Do you feel confident?

Do you think you're gonna be
going to Vegas?

It's really not about me
trying to fool them,

as long as I entertained them
and entertained everyone here,

that's really been my goal tonight.

Well I think the answer is...

You certainly achieved that,
because it was great.

They look ready, they look ready to talk.
Penn, over to you.

Uh... It was... it was great,
and you know, we...

We've studied a bit of mentalism.

- Yeah.
- So I'll tell you,

we were burning you from the moment,

we were ready
for all sorts of things you didn't use,

and you led us down a few garden paths.

And I also think, once again, you know,
we don't like to ruin magic too much.

- Yeah.
- So I'm going to ask

the fella from the audience
if your imagination,

when you were just imagining
this big library of books,

and you were imagining
opening up the book,

and you were imagining
looking at the word,

and that word was
being formed in your head,

and you were getting it
so clearly in your head,

was his pantomime so good

that you felt it was helping you
with your imagination?

Umm... Yes.

Really good, wasn't it? It was great.
And I would like to leave it at that.

You did a wonderful job
at pantomiming the book.

So are you convinced that Penn and Teller
know what they're talking about here?

I think I do want to point out
that it wasn't,

if I can say the term, "instant stooge."

No, no, no, no, not at all.

I would like to point out I don't know
what any of that means.

But I'd like to seem
as smart as Colin here.

Getting him to imagine that word,
I believe, I believe,

I believe is the trick there.

- Penn, Teller's doing...
- Oh yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Teller just did a secret sign.

- No, absolutely.
- Either they're in the masons

or he knows exactly what you did.

Colin it was a great,
and we loved seeing it, didn't we?

- It was great.
- We loved seeing it.

You fooled all of us,
but you didn't fool the pros.

We loved the trick, but we were not fooled
but thank you very much, it was great.

Thank you.

Colin McLeod,
ladies and gentlemen.

That was great though, Colin,
congratulations.

- Thank you.
- Colin McLeod.

Let's move right along,
because it's time to meet our next act.

Keelan Leyser
and Charlotte Marie.

My name is Keelan.

And I'm Charlotte.

And we're a quick change act.

I started magic
at the age of four

and have been doing it ever since.

I've been dancing
since the age of four, and...

Keelan started socially dancing
later in life.

We met and were dancing together

and then pretty much started
working on the act straight away.

We perform our act
literally all over the world.

In the last few years
we've performed in over 45 countries.

It's fascinating for us
to watch as entertainers

how different cultures react.

We also run one of the largest
online magic trick stores,

which means magic is around us


We find it quite tough
having two full time jobs,

but just recently got a new little helper.

Keelan and I have
a very good relationship.

We're not only business partners,
we also are together as a couple,

which makes working a pleasure.

If we fool Penn and Teller,
would we get married in Vegas?

Who knows? Possibly,
if the Rio has a space.

You have to get rid of all this!

Keelan Leyser, I'm sure
I've heard that name before,

it's either a town near Milton Keynes

or it was Kevin Spacey's character
in The Usual Suspects,

but either way, please welcome

the fabulous Keelan Leyser
and Charlotte Marie.

Wasn't that great? Keelan Leyser
and Charlotte Marie, ladies and gentlemen.

- That was fabulous, congratulations.
- Thank you.

Really great fun. Let me give you that
so we can hear you speak.

Come centerstage with me here.

That was terrific, and you know,

of course, I'm sure
you've heard this before,

but you would be like
most man's dream woman,

because if my wife could get dressed
that quickly when we're going out,

I would have about another ten years back.

And what I particularly liked was,
it was nice to see the robot back on TV,

you know, because I can
bust a move myself!

You know what I'm talking about,
blood, slammin'.

That's it, man.

Okay, Penn, Teller? Wakey wakey.
Fabulous act, I'm sure you agree.

Fabulous act, and quick change acts
have been around for a long time,

and they're always, always wonderful.

And Teller and I saw the umbrella
over there, full of glitter, and said,

"Oh boy, they're doing that ending."

Quick change is... is not really designed
to mystify, it's designed to amaze.

And that you did beautifully.

And the only...
the thing that you have to notice,

and I think everybody noticed this,

is you got so much slimmer
as the show went on.

You came out very attractive and then got
more attractive as the show went on.

And it did amaze, even though
it did not actually fool us.

Is that the nail on the head right there,
do you feel?

That is enough for me to bow down to...
the two great guys. Thank you so much.

Keelan and Charlotte,
ladies and gentlemen.

Great performance.
Well done, thank you so much.

Let's get to know our next contenders.

Brynolf and Ljung.

I'm Jonas.

I'm Peter.

We're from Stockholm, Sweden.

I really like the hat.
We are very well known in Sweden.

And one of these? Peter?

By who?

If I would describe Peter,

he's maybe not
the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Jonas is, err, the right term
might be psychotic.

The trick we will be performing
to try to fool Penn and Teller

is the world's most difficult card trick,
or at least that's what we call it.

Are we finished then?

Okay? Great, I've been waiting for this
for a long time.

Oh!

They may sound like an anagram,

but they are in fact
Sweden's finest magic act.

Please welcome Brynolf and Ljung.

Hello, I'm Jonas and this is Peter.

It's time for the world's
most difficult card trick.

And some of you might wonder

what makes this trick
the world's most difficult card trick.

And the simple, but yet brilliant answer,
is duck tape.

By taping Peter's head

and thereby blocking
most of Peter's senses,

we make it almost impossible for him
to find the card that you, Mr. Teller,

will select in a moment.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is entertainment.

I've brought a deck of cards,
and I would like you to select one,

preferably a red,
because you're gonna write on it.

I've brought a pen as well.

Please write your signature
across the face of the card.

You know in Sweden I could probably
trade that autograph for a farm.

Put it back.

Now because of the signature,
this card is unique.

There's only one card in the world
right now that looks exactly like this.

I need a number as well,
a number between five and fifteen.

Um... Eleven.

- Eleven, that's a great number.
- Thank you.

Okay. So, Peter,
today's number is eleven. Okay?

Are you ready Peter?

Let's go.

Now despite all the tape
covering Peter's head,

he will use his amazing sleight of hand
abilities to locate your card,

shuffle it around a bit,

and place it on the eleventh position
counting from the top.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the world's most difficult card trick.

No, it's because it's the world's
most difficult card trick,

so you can't succeed at once,
you have to like, we build suspense,

this is basically how we do it.

So a new number between five and fifteen.

Six.

Six, that's, that's a great number,
Peter, you missed it slightly.

Okay, so six is the new number.
Okay, go ahead Peter.

One, two, three, four, five.

Fortunately, six! Whoo!

I don't have a good feeling about this.

World's most difficult card trick,
we build suspense again and again.

You know, now, in Sweden,
if you would fail like this,

this would be totally appropriate!

Okay, so we need...
A new number would be like, boring.

Let's improvise, I mean this is...
this is how we do it all the time.

A staple g*n! Okay, so here's the plan.
I will spring the cards up in the air.

Peter will fire one staple that will hit
your card so it falls down center stage.

Ladies and gentlemen, the world's
most difficult card trick, are you ready?

Yeah!

Are you ready? Let's go! Whoo!

Now, here comes the interesting part.
Keep your eyes on Peter.

Ah! Ah!

A pair of scissors.
The first thing we did.

The first thing we did...
thing we did was to tape Peter's head,

after that you selected a card,
which you signed,

which means there's only one card
in the world that looks like that,

I think that Peter has
something in his mouth,

neatly folded four times.

Now if this is really your card
then it's a pretty good trick.

Yes or no, is this...

Teller's card?

Sure looks like it!

- Are you okay? Are you okay?
- Yeah, thank you.

- You're a bad man.
- Sorry.

- Brynolf. And Ljung.
- Yes.

That was great. It was super
entertaining. Wasn't it?

- Thank you.
- Great fun.

I have no idea how you would
do that at the end,

to come out of the mouth was fabulous.

Does the tape hurt round your face?

Cos there's still a big mark across
the top of your eyes.

You can try. We have more.

I'd rather not! I'd rather not.

You see this?

Oh yeah. There's a big chunk
of hair on there!

Yeah, you see this one.

Sorry!

Oh!

You can't do this act for too long,
you'll be...

No, I know! You can tell?

Yeah, you're actually,
you're losing it from the top there.

Let's see how the fellas are doing.
Penn, Teller? Fabulous act.

Hugely entertaining,
I'm sure you enjoyed it.

Oh, such a fabulous act!

I believe, if we were younger,
better looking

and lived in Sweden, this would be us.

Has Penn and Teller stuff
ever been shown in Sweden?

Have you ever seen us work?

- Yes. We grew up with it.
- Then maybe...

Then maybe I can explain this to you
in ways that... that you'll understand.

The fake reveal was something that we...

A very nice version
of something we did a couple of times

on the David Letterman show.

And the final thing you did at the end,

we once did that same
folded card and switching thing,

which I bet you didn't see.

But I said the important word,
which is a switch there...

I will just say maybe
this will give you enough.

- 'Cause I love this act so much...
- Yeah.

...and I really don't want to tip it,
'cause you should be doing this forever.

So you are, you're kind of
feeling quite comfortable now,

quite happy about your...
The work you've done so far on this?

And you're feeling reasonably happy
about what's been said.

- Yeah.
- We feel very happy.

Did you do a card switch?

- No.
- No, not at all.

Whoo!

Then that probably means, gentlemen.

Let's wait for a second,
let's enjoy this moment,

and let's ask Mr. Penn,
who was looking so happy

and pleased with himself
just 30 seconds ago.

Did you see that?
They were sitting back in their chair,

"We did that on this, we did that on this,
I did this on that, did you see this?"

- But they didn't, did they?
- No they didn't.

So let's hear what Penn has to say now.

I'm even happier now than I was before,
because we love these guys,

we want them in Vegas, and they fooled us.

Yeah!

Brynolf and Ljung there.
Brynolf and Ljung, ladies and gentlemen.

Two young men heading out
with a spring in their step.

I enjoyed that so much!

Because I knew where you were going,
I think he's gonna say switch,

he's gonna say switch, it isn't a switch!

So far tonight, we've seen one act
have managed to fool Penn and Teller.

But weren't all the acts tonight great,
ladies and gentlemen?

They were all tremendous. All fabulous.
All of them were winners.

Okay now, I said going into the break
that you won't believe this next trick

and there's nothing much more to add.

Will you please welcome
the fabulous Penn and Teller.

You've seen...

You've seen wonderful people
do magic tricks,

you've seen them do illusions,
but we do exclusively God given miracles.

Teller was blessed by God with the ability
to mend polyester with his mind.

Now you're all about to have
a Damascus experience,

you're all about to witness
the burning bush.

We need one person to become
a disciple right up here on stage,

someone who is not filled with dogma,

someone who does not yet
belong to a church.

We are looking for a child.

Is there a real, proper child
in the audience, like, you know,

nine, ten, eleven years old,
something like that?

Yeah, don't force the child
to put his hand up, we're not...

We're not that church.

How about...

With the, with the glasses,
with the glasses there.

- How, how old are you?
- Nine.

Nine. Yeah, we can fool
a nine year old, can't we?

Move, come on, get up here,
come on, move, move!

This trick will fool you here.
You're nine.

We have here perfectly ordinary polyester,
like some of you, embarrassingly enough,

have on your own person.

What's your name? Come over here.
What's your name?

Brandon.

Brandon. Now, Brandon,
I've got here a pair of scissors.

And Brandon, I say unto you,
I tear the polyester asunder.

Now it's kind of two pieces of props
of equal size, Brandon.

Take one end of that, would you please?

And walk to the... hold on tight,
don't let go, no matter what.

And walk to the other side of Teller.

About the same distance
from Teller as I am,

so that Teller is right in the middle.

Perfect, Brandon.

Now, Brandon, you saw
that polyester cut, didn't you?

- Yeah.
- You saw it cut.

Now Teller's going to
mend that polyester...

using the secular humanist method
of the knot.

Now that's how an objectivist, materialist
such as myself would do it.

But I want you to watch, Brandon,
'cause Teller goes a step further.

Teller is snipping off the bunny ears.

Now, Brandon, that change
is merely cosmetic.

There is still a knot there,

making a mockery
of all that is held holy in the world.

But you watch
as Teller's therapeutic touch

just melts that knot right away.

And some would say amen!

They would say hallelujah!

Teller, I'm gonna witness!

Now, Brandon. Since you are
right up here on stage,

breathing down the neck
of the new messiah,

did that seem to you to be
a miracle or a magic trick?

A miracle or a magic trick?

A magic trick.

A magic trick. Oh, too bad
we picked a state school student.

That's okay, Brandon.

You've got one end of the polyester,
I've got the other end.

Stare at Teller's hand, stare at his hand.
Burn him! Burn him! Stare at him!

Stare at him, burn him!
Don't be misdirected.

And explain that,
you skeptical little freak!

We're just fooling on you though.

What you're watching right now
is our newest friend, Brandon,

is having an epiphany up here on stage.

And he has decided
to dedicate his young life

to preaching the gospel of Teller.

But Brandon, as you travel the world,
bringing this good news to modern man,

you will encounter some skeptics
with hardened hearts,

such as your own was.

And you'll have to
demonstrate this to them.

So Teller has now given you
the power of the polyester.

- Do you know what that means, Brandon?
- No.

It means you have dominion
over all synthetic fabrics.

Brandon, walk to the center of
the polyester, walk to the center.

And just grab a hunk there,
Brandon, grab a hunk.

Just grab a... and now, Brandon,
you've found the center of the polyester.

Now, Brandon, you take the scissors,
Brandon, take the scissors,

and you are going to
run with the scissors!

Run with the scissors.

No, no, just, just... Just joking.

I was just testing your faith,
Brandon, testing your faith.

Cut the polyester, Brandon,
cut the polyester.

Now, Brandon, you found the place
in the center, you cut the polyester,

Teller's now tying a knot.

And you get the highest honor

that a layperson can have
in the Church of Teller,

you're going to snip off
the sacred bunny ears,

snip them off there, Brandon.

No, no, here, close, yeah.

Watch his fingertips.

That's my meal ticket
you're monkeying with there buddy.

Now, Brandon, there's still a knot there,

but hold your hands in
the classic praying position, Brandon.

- You don't even know that do you?
- No.

Why don't you hold them like this.
Right around the knot,

put your hands right around the knot.

Let me ask you something, Brandon.

- Do you believe in Teller?
- Yeah.

- Do you believe in Teller?
- Yes.

Then let him work through you,
let him work through you.

Some would say amen!
Now you say hallelujah!

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.

You are tempting Brandon
with the sin of pride.

Look straight ahead, Brandon.

Put your arms by your side,
look straight ahead, Brandon.

We're going to test you.

Do you feel that synthetic,
petroleum based,

high tensile strength fabric,
go right around

your young and not quite
fully formed trachea?

- Do you feel that Brandon?
- Yeah.

'Cause we're gonna test you.

And if your faith in Teller is perfect,

you will travel the world
preaching the gospel of Teller,

becoming a man of the synthetic cloth.

But if for one moment your faith wavers,
God will smite you.

- Do you believe in Teller?
- Yeah.

- Do you believe in Teller?
- Mm-hmm.

- Do you believe in Teller?
- Yes.

Then go forth, Brandon, and sin no more.
Take that with you Brandon.

Thank you.

That's Saint Brandon,
the patron saint of all synthetic fibers.

Saint Brandon!

Ladies and gentlemen, Penn and Teller
and Brandon! How's that?

Jonathan Ross.

Great finish, nice job,
I believe in Teller.

I believe in Penn. I believe in Brandon.

That was great work, and by the way,
if they ever remake Jerry Maguire,

you've got the job.

Ladies and gentlemen...
Ladies and gentlemen,

the magical Penn and Teller!

We'll see you next time as we
try to fool them again here on Fool Us.

Goodnight everybody.