02x05 - Mission Impossi-Ball

[bunniefuu]

From the Penn & Teller Theater
in Las Vegas, Nevada,

here's our host, Jonathan Ross.

Thank you very much.
You're so kind. Thank you.

Thank you very much indeed,
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you.

Hello and welcome
to Penn & Teller: Fool Us.

The premise here is simple.
Illusionists try to fool

two men who have been performing
in Vegas for so long

that even Elvis might call them the kings.

Here they are, ladies and gentlemen,
go crazy for Penn and Teller.

Teller, fabulous to see you.

- Penn, it's wonderful seeing you again.
- Mr. Ross, sir.

Of course. Here we are.

Please take your seats.
We can start the show.

It's Penn and Teller,
ladies and gentlemen.

Now, please remember.
All of our acts have flown here to Vegas

hoping to get lucky. And by lucky
I mean to fool Penn and Teller

and win an all-expense-paid trip
to return here to Vegas

and perform for them in their long-running
magic extravaganza.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's get started.

Let's meet our first magician.

I'm Bill Cook.
I'm from Chicago, Illinois.

In school I studied Foley,
which is, you make sound effects.

It's so cool.

Walking down the streets is one
of my favorite things to do

because when you start to focus
on sound effects and noise,

you listen to everything.

And it all depends on what you focus on.

My dad had lots of quotes
for people to live by,

and three of them really stuck out to me.

"To be early is to be on time,
be at the right place at the right time,

"and aim high and sh**t for the moon

"because, even if you miss,
you'll land among the stars."

So for this show,
I'll be waiting for my performance

with my equipment ready to perform
for Penn and Teller.

Drop the mic.

Our next performer is a Chicago guy.

Now traditionally the phrase
"Chicago magic trick"

refers to making someone
disappear for the mob,

but tonight we're all safe,
as a more literal translation

is on display. Will you please welcome
Mr. Bill Cook.

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
My name is Bill Cook.

I come all the way from Chicago,
and it is a supreme honor to be here.

Folks, I do need the assistance
of someone in the audience.

There's a lovely lady about
halfway up in the pink shirt.

- Hi, my dear. What's your name?
- Barbara.

Barbara, would you join me onstage?
Everyone, give Barbara

a huge round of applause
as she comes up to help me onstage.

Barbara, thank you so much.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Barbara, I have one of these.

Do you know what this is?
It's totally okay to say you do not.

Uh, oh, that's the clasp from
a little clutch bag thing.

- The top of a change...
- Yeah, like a little change purse.

Change holder.

- Okay.
- I don't carry a purse.

Okay.

Inside of the holder,
Barbara, is something

very special and unique to my job.

I have an invisible deck of playing cards.

Not what other magicians may
have been using in the past.

- Do you see them?
- Nope.

Sobriety test. Good job.

It's Vegas. You never know.
Barbara, hold out your hand.

Perfect. Now, Barbara,

in a deck of cards, there are four suits,
the spades,

the diamonds, the clubs, and the hearts.

And we need to whittle the deck
down to one suit.

I need you to name a suit.
Spades, diamonds, clubs, or hearts.

- Hearts.
- We'll get rid of everything

but the hearts. Catch.

Souvenirs.

Thank you. You can put your hand down.

Barbara, pick a heart.

Show it to everyone.

- It's, uh, backwards. Turn it around.
- Oh, okay.

Thank you so much, yes.

- You know...
- Couldn't see.

That's... It's the lights.

Uh, which one is it?

Which heart is it?

- It's the seven.
- Seven of hearts.

Show everyone the seven.
Fold the seven into four pieces.

Quarters, half and half. Perfect. Perfect.

And place it inside of the holder.

- Okay.
- You're so good at this.

Now, Barbara, I have to ask you
a question.

A question you will never be
asked anywhere else in the world.

- Are you ready for this?
- Yes.

It's impolite to ask a lady her age,
so how much do you weigh?

It's a joke! It's a joke.

It's totally a joke.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Barbara, the cool things about
these holders

is that whatever goes inside
of the holder as invisible...

Comes out of the holder as visible.

Now, that would be cool,
because it's any playing card.

But you said which playing card?

Seven of hearts.

And that's amazing.

Ladies and gentlemen, Barbara.

Bill Cook, ladies and gentlemen.
Wasn't that fabulous?

- That was tremendous.
- Thank you so much.

That was just great.

Uh, now Penn and Teller,
of course, are going to deliberate.

They're going to talk to each other

and see if they can
figure out how it was done.

- Let me ask you a bit about yourself.
- Sure.

I believe, when you were younger,

you were a king chess player,
is that right?

- I love chess.
- Okay.

Now, does that help you
in the practice of magic,

that kind of focus and that kind of skill?

Man, chess and magic kind
of go hand in hand because you have to be

thinking so much further ahead,

whether it's one move,
three moves, 12 moves.

You really have to be thinking
very far ahead.

And that's how
the chess players measure it.

They call it, if you're 12 moves ahead,
you're 12 deep, is that right?

- Twelve deep, yeah.
- Wow. I was never any good.

I've never been 12 deep in anything,
so congratulations to you on that, sir.

Let's go to Penn first,
and we'll hear from Teller in a minute.

- Wonderful routine, first of all.
- Thank you.

I love people that come out here
and do one trick.

That's the idea. You do a trick.

And it's also great that you
used the phrase "invisible deck",

which we all know is a w*r-horse,

a magic that we don't want to see...

- Right.
- And your version was beautiful.

- Thank you.
- I loved the whole thing,

the way it was put together.
Uh, I think we have a little

bit of an idea of how you do something.

And if you were writing this up in a book

and I wanted
to figure out how you did it,

I would go to the back.
And I would go through where

all the things
are in alphabetical order...

- Yes.
- And that would help me.

I'll also say that the suit jacket

that you're wearing looks beautiful.

Thank you.

Especially the stage
left side is gorgeous.

- Thank you.
- Beautiful-looking suit.

I will also say, uh,

and I'm not sure about this,
so please don't bust

- our bust if we're way off...
- Sure.

But the woman you picked from
the audience, uh, the card

that she selected, you come to Vegas

to get lucky,
and you kind of did get lucky.

That was a... That was a good
choice on her part.

- Can I be honest?
- Yeah.

Uh, you do get lucky,

but you get lucky
a lot more often than you may think.

Yeah, I know. Of course. Yeah.

Can I say something as well?

None of us know what you're talking about.

Just cut us a break and say
something we can hold onto here.

Wonderful, wonderful job.
I don't believe you fooled us,

- but it was just beautiful...
- That's okay.

And so clean. I'm going to tell you that

what we love about someone like you

is when we know how the trick

is done but did not see anything.

- Cool.
- And what you want to do in magic

is not only have it fool you conceptually

but also fool you in the actual moves.

And you had an important move
to do and just done so clean.

And there were no telegraphs,
there was no nothing,

and if we were anybody else, you would
have fooled us.

Cool. Thank you, guys.

You're very confident,
they know exactly what you were doing

and that you didn't fool them?

- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Okay, right on it.

- Thanks, guys.
- Nicely done.

Bill, it's a pleasure.
Bill Cook, ladies and gentlemen.

Great job. Well done.

Lovely meeting you too. Mr. Bill Cook.

Okay, let's bring out
our next potential fooler.

I'm Wes Barker, and I'm a stunt magician.

A stunt magician is just
a really cool term I made up

just so I didn't sound like every
other comedy magician.

I used to work on a road crew
filling potholes.

They eventually offered me
a promotion, and I just had this

flash of 30 years in the future
of me still being there.

And I quit on the spot,
and I said, "I'm gonna be a magician."

My stuff isn't like, fire, fire, dove.
It's not that kind of thing.

It's more like weird things

like gymnastics and stunts
and party tricks, basically.

Please welcome Wes Barker.

Uh, hi, I'm Wes. Normally I use, like,

a big, strong guy for this trick.

But we can just use Jonathan, I guess.

Okay. Okay.

You're here... You're on this side,

- sound good?
- Okay.

Oh, yeah. Look at this.
Right? Oh, yeah, you work out, right?

- You're liking that?
- Yeah, you know.

You're not so bad yourself, I'll tell you.

Thank you. Whew.

That's what we call firm hot
cross buns down there in England.

I knew if I came to Vegas,
something would happen.

- What's this?
- That is a phone book.

It's a phone book.
They're super irrelevant.

You guys are clapping for phone books,
don't do that. Thank you.

Phone books are super irrelevant,

but I made a magic trick out of it,
because why not?

- Have a look at this one.
- Okay.

Make it... Make sure it's, like,

all, I don't know, normal phone book.

It's a normal phone book.

Check, make sure all the pages
are different.

That's gonna be very important.

They're all different as far
as I can see, certainly.

- Cool, cool, cool.
- Yep. Yep, yep, yep.

All right, you're gonna
give me the phone book,

and you're gonna grab the pen and paper.

What's gonna happen is I'm going
to roll through the phone book

- like this. Look through.
- Yep.

You're going to say stop
wherever you want.

- Okay.
- And then, uh,

you're going to write down
the page number.

Okay.

So whenever you want, I'm not gonna look,

- so whenever you want, just say stop.
- Stop.

Right there? You happy?
You want to go more? You good?

No, no, I'm good. Okay.

All right, write it down.
I'll try and hold it for you.

- Okay, got it.
- You got it? Okay.

Good.

- Can I put it down here?
- Yeah, put it down there. Yep.

Okay. Now I need you to rip this in half.

Okay.

But don't do it this way.
Don't do, like, the spine.

Okay, that's not the way.
And a lot of funny guys like to do it,

like, where they'll open it up
in the middle,

and they'll go like...
And they go like that.

Don't do it that way either.
That's not good.

I want you to rip it, uh,

- top to bottom.
- Try and rip it top to bottom?

- Yeah.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- I feel bad doing this in front of you.

- I mean, it's kind of easy.
- Come on.

You know, well, here's the thing,
I think...

You're a vegan, aren't you?
You can't do it.

- I've weakened it for you.
- Oh, yeah, no, you have. You have.

I just want to make sure that
you know this is fair, right?

Yes, I can't do that.

This has been super fair
so far, and you can't do it.

- I can't do it.
- Um, so it's a real phone book,

but I'm going to give it a go here.
I'm gonna do it like this.

Come on.

- Ladies?
- Wow, wow.

- This is the part we need.
- I'm scared of you right now.

What I'm going to get you
to do is I'm gonna get you to

- fan 'em out in your hand.
- Sure.

And then in a minute,
you're gonna throw them in the air.

- Okay.
- Don't throw them like this,

'cause they kind of stay in a clump.

Throw them, like, more on
an angle, and then they'll, you know...

- So they spread. Like confetti?
- Yeah.

Yeah, and you're going
to stand right about there.

- About here?
- Little bit, yeah right there, that'll do.

Yeah, this is good, spread
'em in my hand like this?

But you're gonna face me a bit more,

'cause you're gonna
throw them around this area.

I need my thing. Hang on, I need my thing.

- I'm gonna do, uh...
- Hold on.

Yeah, so, like, I'm gonna...
And then I'm gonna... Pow.

Oh, you're gonna... Okay.

So you're gonna throw them,
and I'm gonna stab your page.

- Okay.
- All right?

So yeah, I'm this guy, like,
ah, and you're that guy, like that, right?

- You're sure? I could...
- Well...

- I could do it from here.
- No, right here's good.

- I'm good at throwing.
- No, right here. You're going to be okay.

- I'm really good at throwing.
- You're okay.

So, uh, yeah, basically, um...

Yeah, you're gonna go like that.
I'm gonna go like that.

They're gonna go like, "Yeah," like that.
Okay, good. All right.

- All right, you good?
- You done this before?

- I just want...
- Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Okay.

Oh, oh, what? It's not a sharp sword?

Okay. All right.
If it wasn't a real sword,

could I do this, huh? Twing, twing, right?

That's a real sword.

I mean, probably...
I don't know, probably I could

just... Okay, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. All right.

I'll be honest. I'm more scared
to get one of your fingers in me.

Okay. Here we go.

- You good? You look good.
- Okay, so fan out.

So high around me.
So maybe angle to me more.

- Angle a bit more to me.
- Okay.

Angle it, yeah, right there.

- You're good. Okay.
- I spread it all out. Ready?

Here we go. Yep. Throw the pages.

On the count of three.

You're kidding me.

Well...

Jonathan, everything's
on the count of three.

You're holding the sword.

I'm just doing what you say
as soon as you say it.

Everything's on the count of three.

One, two, three, lift.
One, two, three, go.

Sex, one, two, three, right?

I've been married 28 years.

When my wife says do something,
I do it straight away.

All right.

I have one more phone book.

This is the last phone book
in the whole building, I'm sure.

You want to rip it for me?

You know what,
why don't you just go straight ahead?

Thank you. I appreciate that.
Here, I'll just...

Son of a... Come...

I call this one Jonathan.

That's a lot of anger coming out there.

Wow, let's hear it again.

Ladies?

Two in a night.

Two in the one night.

Now, I should have told you
at the count of three.

- That's my fault.
- Yes.

- But that was a horrible toss.
- Yes.

- I'm standing over here...
- Well, it's the first time

I've ever seen a phone book
ripped in half by a human man.

This is our last try.

- Okay.
- Take those.

You did good with the, you know...

It was the wrong dir...
Try and throw them more straight up, okay?

Okay. More straight up.

'Cause it was a good spread,

- just spread them out a bit.
- I'm doing my best.

I know, you're... You'll be great.

You can't mess this up. It's fine.
In fact, I'll even let you count.

You count to three. You throw it, okay?

- So you want...
- And then just, like,

- around me, you know, just straight up.
- One, two, three, go?

- Nice and high.
- One, two, three, go?

Or one, two, three,
then do it without saying go?

Whatever you want
'cause I'm gonna watch you.

I'm just gonna watch you this time.

One, two, three, go!

Oh, I got one.

- Wow.
- Wouldn't that be crazy?

Uh, I have 520 and 521.

What do you have? Show the audience.



- Thank you.
- Holy moly.

That was awesome. Wes, that was awesome.

Wasn't that great?

And two of them in one night.

Okay, we'll let Penn and Teller
talk about what they just saw.

I know they enjoyed it very much
whether they know... That was incredible.

- Thank you.
- Now, here's the thing.

I know you had some early days.
Your early days,

they were working hard days for you
as a magician, right?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Man, this is a far cry

from the $50 gigs I used to do
at old age homes.

Wow. Well, not that far necessarily,

because I'm kind of heading that way,

and the fellas ain't
getting any younger either.

That's true.

But you wouldn't do this act
in an old people's home.

- Oh, yeah, I will. I will.
- So you would get an old man

in an old people's home and ask
him to rip a phone book in half?

And I would ridicule him when
he couldn't do it.

Uh, I think the guys
are ready now, so I'm going to go

to Penn and hear his verdict
on what you just performed for us.

Well, I'll tell you. That was amazing.

It has been a very, very long time

since we've seen a phone book.

And I know kinetically,
that you hung a little

lantern on that saying it was
irrelevant, but still,

it's a hard time for strong men now,
tearing a phone book in half

because tearing an iPhone
in half is much more difficult.

- Yeah.
- Takes a lot more energy.

And in your phone book, you know,

I don't know what city that was.
That a Vegas phone book?

No, I think it's from where
I live in Vancouver.

Vancouver. Oh, so you wouldn't have

Luke Skywalker's number
in that phone book, would you?

- I don't think so.
- But that would have helped

you do the trick a lot, wouldn't it?

- The, uh...
- But when you say Luke Skywalker,

are you, uh, are you

suggesting that he's famous
for something in particular?

- Yes, I am.
- Okay, did that thing

in particular feature in this,
at the end there?

Oh, I... Sorry. Took me a while there.
Uh, no.

- No?
- No. It did not.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
we'll explain some of this in a minute

once they explain it to me, okay?

- Well, I can...
- I was missing what you were saying,

but I totally am on your
page now, and, uh, no, it... No.

This could be, I think, rather remarkably

one of those moments
where Penn and Teller

- wouldn't quite know how it's done.
- What they're saying is awesome.

You can totally do the trick that way.
It's just not how I did it.

Hmm. But if you're saying it's
absolutely not a force...

- Right.
- Then it had to be a holding

a break in the peek afterwards.

Yes.

And then you would have
to have some sort of index there

after you held the break and did a peek.

Um, no index.

No, and it's not
the second phone book you're using.

Boom, boom, take that, Penn.

Sorry, I don't mean to... I don't mean
to enjoy that moment too much,

but, man, I enjoy this moment.

Okay, we have taken...
This is just ridiculous.

We have taken two runs at this,

almost seems like we're about
to cross into unfair...

It almost seems like we're cheating.

Magicians are supposed to cheat.

You have cheated better than us.
You, sir, have fooled us.

That was awesome.

- Wow.
- Yes!

- Nicely done.
- Bring it down.

Oh, man. Thank you.

Penn, you want to do the honors?

- There you go.
- Oh, I didn't... Thanks, guys.

- That's...
- There you go.

That's it, man.

- Nicely done.
- Appreciate it, thank you.

Wes, how good does that feel right now?

Uh, it's such a...
Yeah, I don't know. I got no words.

- This is amazing. Thank you.
- Wow.

So, from the road crew, how long ago
since you started out in magic?

Uh, eight years?

Eight years ago from the road crew,
ladies and gentlemen,

working out there entertaining
his friends to fooling

Penn and Teller here on the big stage
in Las Vegas.

That was great, wasn't it?

- Thank you.
- Wes Barker.

Wow.

Let's have a look at our next wizard.

Hi, I'm Matthew Holtzclaw,
and I live in New York City, New York.

Hi, welcome. I'll give you the grand tour.

You know, if magic were real,

I would add some square footage
to this place.

I think I probably was attracted

to magic because magic is,
at its heart, a display of power.

It does give you a sense of
"I can do something."

I've always been attracted
to the macabre and horror.

I like the irony of watching

something violent and knowing
that the people are totally safe.

I think it's the same thing as magic.
It's this beautiful irony

inside your head, knowing what

you're seeing is not real, you know,
as it appears to be so.

My favorite magicians growing up,

the first magicians I saw
on TV were Penn and Teller.

I thought that's what magic was,
this personality and this attitude.

The idea that I'm on the show

with Penn and Teller,
the 12-year-old me is screaming.

But the 36-year-old me
is screaming too, just quietly.

But like a little girl
with a flower basket and a bonnet.

Our next performer
is a burlesque magician,

which means every morning he gets dressed,

the first thing he does
is put tassels on his n*pples.

Will you please welcome Matthew Holtzclaw!

Wow. They said the stage would be huge,

and it is, and they said
the audience would be massive,

and you are.

So of course, the trick
that I brought involves the tiniest

little white thread.

Excellent planning on my part.

I'm actually gonna do two tricks tonight.

Uh, the first trick is extremely
elegant and beautiful.

One of the most beautiful
in the history of magic.

It may evoke images of life,

death, resurrection.

And the second trick is devoid
of all poetry.

It's entirely vile and hateful

and offensive to most cultures
on the planet.

We'll do the pretty one first.

You know, this trick is, uh,
incredibly difficult for me to do.

Not technically, it's just...
There's something incredibly

pretentious about a grown man

solemnly tearing up a piece of thread

in front of a bunch of strangers
as a bit of performance art,

wearing a suit made of meat,

howling atonally about my inner
and outer body shapes.

I think what's most difficult

about this trick
is that everyone knows the ending.

That's not the ending.

Thank you.

Souvenir.

I'll sign that later.

Somehow or another.

So listen, I can do the gross trick,

or I can give you a choice.
I can do another pretty one.

You guys want to see a pretty one,
or you want to see a gross one?

Gross!

That's pretty unanimous.

All right.

You asked for it.

This uses thread too.

Just this much though.

And this little bit of thread
is going to magically wind its way

through my delicate, sensitive sinuses.

Ew!

You're welcome.

Goes in the mouth first.

Actually, Jonathan, you should join me.

- Get a closer look.
- Really? You want me to join you in this?

- Yeah, please, join me.
- Okay.

Anyone want to change their vote
at this point?

- Yeah, let's go pretty.
- Go pretty?

I think this is pretty.

All right, it's all...
I have a college degree, by the way.

String theory.

All right, I got it, I got it,
I got it, I got it.

You think that's bad over there,
I'm right next to this guy.

All right, all right,
it's there, it's there, it's there.

Aw, no.

Aw.

You just said "gross,"
not really revolting.

That's horrible.
Inevitably I'll have to say,

don't try this at home,
but you'd have to be stupid, wouldn't you?

Aw.

Oh. That's coming right out of there.

Oh.

How did you do that?
Wow, ladies and gentlemen,

Matthew... Oh, really?

- Yeah, come on.
- Oh, okay.

Okay. Matthew Holtzclaw,
ladies and gentlemen.

Unbelievable. I'm right this close.
That was incredible.

Okay, we're gonna ask Penn and Teller
to chat about this and deliberate.

I know you're a big fan
of bringing horror into magic.

That was kind of borderline horrific.

Yeah, no blood, no gore,
no needles, nothing like that.

Yeah, but I do like
when things are provocative, you know?

So you do stuff that is more gory onstage?

Occasionally, yeah, yeah,
cut my hand off and that sort of thing.

So what is wrong with you?

So the gentlemen, I think, have
come to the end of their deliberations.

I thought that was just fabulous.

I'm sure they did too,
but did you fool them? Let's find out.

I got to tell you,
that Hindu thread trick is a trick

that I've seen Teller do,
and I'm very, very glad...

Not as glad as Teller is,
but I'm very glad

you did it with thread instead
of with yarn.

A lot of people try
to improve it, and it's just perfect

in the Hindu... In the thread version.

This show, we love the fact

that it covers all sorts of stuff.
We know that you could have

burned us with cards.
You're fabulous with cards.

And we love the fact you did
something grosser, something wilder,

something crazier,
but you may have seen us do...

Which we did not invent but you may

- have seen us do a trick with a bean.
- Oh, yeah.

And the trick you did with
the thread is the same

- as our trick with the bean...
- Absolutely.

But, boy,
making it with thread is fabulous.

It's such a great idea to do
that with thread.

- Yeah, it's terrific.
- I wish we'd thought of it,

and if we'd thought of it,
we would be doing it all the time.

- Wow.
- That's a wonderful trick.

We know how it's done.
It did not lessen it at all.

- That was fabulous.
- Thank you.

So, Matthew, let me just check.

You're happy that they know
what they're talking about over there?

- I'm just thrilled to be here.
- Yeah.

I think you knew coming out here that,
knowing them as well as you do,

that they were gonna get you.

Yeah, no, it's just a thrill
to be here, guys. Thanks so much.

- Fabulous, fabulous.
- But it was great.

Now, everyone here, we loved it,
didn't we, ladies and gentlemen?

It was awesome.
I'm gonna keep this as a souvenir.

Matthew Holtzclaw, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you, Matthew.

Great idea.

Now, for my next trick,
I'd like to make another magician appear.

I'm David Regal.

Open sesame.

I think magic is more than just cool
because magic translates to hope.

Magic for me has always been my therapy.

It occupies me, mind, body, soul.

If I didn't have magic,
I would need an actual therapist.

Just doing it as someone who loves it,

I can keep coming up
with new ideas and tinkering.

You wake up, you clear the kitchen table,

and you wreck things in your house.

What I'm gonna try and do
for Penn and Teller is a simple trick

with a simple plot
where just one thing happens,

and I want that one thing to fool them.

So the next performer serves
on the board of the Magic Castle,

which is super impressive, but as someone

who still serves as vice president
of the Spice Girls Fan Club,

I like to think we're equals.
Will you please welcome David Regal!

Before I get started, Teller,
I'd like to give you this,

so it's in safe hands for the duration.

I want to tell you about a guy
that means a lot to me.

This is my grandfather.
He was the guy in my life.

I was always, "Grandpa, pick a card."

Didn't matter what the occasion
was... It was his birthday...

"Grandpa, pick a card."
We're at a restaurant.

"Grandpa, pick a card."

And, uh, near the end of his life,

he called me to his bedside,

and he said, "David,

"never ask another person to pick a card."

So in honor of my grandfather,
tonight I will not have a card selected.

However, I thought it might be interesting

to have some cards

not selected.

For this, I need the help
of a kind soul from the audience.

Penn, please come on up here.
Penn Jillette, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you so much.

- Thank you, Penn.
- Thank you.

Penn of course... Penn is wearing

the pinstripe suit creating
the illusion of height.

Penn, behind the table,
please examine the cards.

Have a good look at them,
mix them up if you'd like to mix them up.

It's important to give them a once-over,

'cause we're gonna try something
a little unusual.

- Is everything okay for you there?
- They seem okay.

- Okay, I'll take that as an okay.
- Yep.

Oh, doing all the normal, okay.

Here's what we're gonna do.
Spread them out.

Hold a finger
about two feet above those cards, Penn.

Move that finger left, right,
right, left, and let that finger

slowly descend until that finger

is resting on just one card.

Perhaps you think
you've selected that card, Penn,

but I assure you, that is not the case.

Okay.

Pull out that card.
Call out its name to everybody.

The jack of hearts.

- Has just been not selected.
- Okay.

Fifty cards to go.

Take your finger.
Go left, right... No, no, no,

we'll speed it up.
I wouldn't be that cruel here.

We'll put them all here.
Cut them into three piles, Penn.

Three piles any way you like.

Excellent, you've just not
selected the six of hearts,

the jack of clubs,
and the eight of hearts.

Pick up any one of those piles.
Any one of them.

Look through it like
it's a giant poker hand.

Look at the high cards, the low cards,

all the cards in between
until your eyes fall on one card.

That means something to you
and only you for reasons...

Even reasons you do not understand.
Do you have that card?

Okay.

Now look at all the rest
and throw them away as well.

- Okay.
- Pick up any of those piles.

Go through them all,
and discard them with extreme prejudice.

Yes, yes, and yes.

He's still going.
Yes, here, let's spread the wealth.

Grab some of these. Just grab some.

Here, let's go in the audience.
Out in the audience.

Down these stairs. Come on, Penn.
One to each person here.

Oh, he's not giving you any.
Okay, it's not my fault.

There we are. If you have a card...
If Penn gave you a card,

I will come to you.
When I come to you, call out

the name of your card and throw it away.

- What have you got?
- Nine...

Nine of spades. Throw it away.
What have you got?

- Joker.
- Throw it away. What have you got?

- Ten of clubs.
- Throw it away. What have you got?

- Ace of hearts.
- Throw it away. What have you got?

Four of diamonds.

Four of diamonds. Throw it away.

- What have you got?
- Queen of spades.

Throw it away.
Anyone else? What have you got?

Eight of clubs. Throw it away.

Anyone else? Penn, follow me.
We're not done. We still have a few cards.

A few cards left, Penn. Here we go.

We have a five of hearts,
an ace of clubs, a three of diamonds,

four of spades, two of hearts.
Let's give them a little mix.

I will lay them out just like this, Penn.

Penn, I promise you,
I will always count in this direction.

Any number, one to five, I will discard.

Number one to five, what should go away?

- One.
- One. Goodbye.

- One, two, three, or four? Four, go away.
- Four.

- One, two, or three?
- Two.

Go away. One or two?

- One.
- Goes away.

We are down to one card.

I think we can all agree,
that card has not been selected.

However, it's also not been

not selected.

A round of applause for Penn Jillette.
He may return. The gentle giant.

Penn Jillette.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Teller.

Teller, that envelope has been
in your hands this entire time.

Let me tell you something about it.

Near the end of my granddad's life,

obviously he couldn't see the cards
as well as he used to see them,

so I went out and got those big cards,
the jumbo kind.

Held it right up to his face.

He just grabbed them out of my hands

and ran out back
where we have the wood chipper.

By the time I caught up with him,
he'd destroyed every card

in that deck, except for one.

In that envelope is the one card

buried with my granddad.

Could you open that up?
Keep it this side up.

The card will slide out face down.

Keep it face down. Make sure
nothing else is in that envelope.

I will gingerly carry this card
over to the table.

Ladies and gentlemen,
two cards are before you.

One, a card that meant a great
deal to my grandfather.

The other, a card not not selected

in the fairest possible manner.

Ah, two of hearts.

Two of hearts.

Still a team, Grandpa.

Still a team.

David Regal, ladies and gentlemen.
How about that? That was great.

- David, that was fabulous.
- Oh, thank you.

I can see the cards.

Now you know what I like to do
when you're performing?

I like to watch their faces,

and Teller looked really
like he was confused.

He didn't know what was going on.

Tell me, is it true that you met
your wife doing magic?

Yes, it is. Um, I went into a bar
I'd never been to before or since,

and I showed her card tricks,
and she liked them then.

Yeah. And one thing led to another.

Had you tried that on lots
of other women beforehand,

- or was she the first lucky gal?
- The only successful occurrence

of that happening, so I just married her.

- I figured, what the hell?
- Yeah, quit while you're ahead.

- Exactly so.
- Uh, I think the guys are ready,

so we're going to go over
now to Penn and Teller and find out

whether or not they could
work out how you did it.

Now, this is a case where showmanship

is everything.

You had a legitimate deck of cards.

There was nothing gimmicked
about them at all.

You had us run down in the
audience and hand stuff out,

all the cards were different,
all that stuff was being done.

There were provers all the way along,

and then there's the final cards

you're gonna choose from.

And, uh, I don't really remember.
Was I holding those, or was he?

I think you were holding those
at the end, which gave you

a little bit of time to do some
stuff that may not have been above board.

All that matters is those final
few cards, and we think we have

a pretty good idea what was up
with those final few cards.

But, boy, it's a great trick,

so you did not fool us, but, man,
I love that. Love that.

That makes me feel good.

What a great performer.
David Regal. Thank you, David.

- Thank you.
- That was fabulous.

Thank you so much.

David Regal, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, it wouldn't be an episode
of Penn & Teller: Fool Us

if we didn't get to see Penn and Teller

do some magic themselves,
so here they are.

The fabulous, the phenomenal
Penn and Teller.

Thank you. Several years ago we did
a series of documentaries for television.

We traveled all over the world

seeing street magic,
close-up magic in all different cultures.

And just about everywhere we went,

everybody did one trick the same.
They did the cups and ba*ls.

Almost every magician we met
did the cups and ba*ls.

And the trick around the world

didn't change very much,
but the props did.

In India, they had these
hand-carved wooden cups,

and these little flocked cork ba*ls.

In China, they had these metal cups

that were handed down
generation to generation.

But Teller and I were working
for the United States of America,

so we used red plastic cups.

And then we used aluminum foil ba*ls.

So we had the totally American

and totally disposable cups and ba*ls.

It goes like this.
You take the ball, place it in our hand,

vanish it, it appears underneath the cup.

That's the way it's done
all around the world.

You take the ball, you place it
in your hand, you vanish it,

it appears underneath the cup.

Here's a little variation
Teller came up with

where he takes the ball,

places it in his hand,
then shows you underneath the cup,

and it still appears underneath the cup.

So you have three cups, three ba*ls.

Under that center ball,
puts it under the center cup,

two side ba*ls,
put them wherever you want,

they still regroup under the center cup.

I come over here,
just a little tiny bit of juggling.

There's a giant ball in the center cup,
one more giant ball

to either side, and of course

for the finish,
it's an American baseball right there.

Now that we've done the American
cups and ba*ls for a while,

I want to kind of zoom in
and do a Penn and Teller cups and ba*ls,

which involves breaking
a few rules of magic.

Now, the first rule of magic is,

you never do the same trick twice,

so we're gonna.

Second rule of magic is you never tell
an audience how a trick is being done.

We're going to tell you exactly
how the trick is being done.

The third rule of magic is,

you never let the audience see your
secret preparation.

They must not know what is
hidden in which pocket.

And the fourth rule of magic is unwritten,

but we think any magician in the world
would agree with us in a second

that you never, ever do the cups and ba*ls

with clear plastic cups.

So here's the Penn and Teller
version of the cups and ba*ls.

We did the first ball,
pretend to place it in our hand,

have already snuck it underneath
the first cup.

The second ball simultaneously secreted

beneath the cup,
place it in our hand, and show it.

Do the third and final ball,
pretend to place it in our hand,

place it under the cup, place the cup,

then secretly secrete it and reveal it.
Now we're all set for the second half,

three cups all loaded,
three ba*ls on top.

So now the ball is in the cup.

Each of the side ba*ls,
we're gonna put them away.

We don't need them anymore.
We have three duplicates inside the cup.

I come over here. This is not juggling.
This is called misdirection.

If we look over here,
Teller's got the final ball under,

one ball on either side,

and of course, for the finish,
it's an American baseball there.

That's the Penn and Teller cups and ba*ls.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Penn and Teller.

Lovely job. Fabulous stuff as always.

Now you see us, and now you don't
because we're wrapping it up

for the night here in Las Vegas,
but we'll see you next time.

Thanks for watching.