07x26 - Teller's Wonderland

[bunniefuu]

From the Penn & Teller Theater

at the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas,

here's our host, Alyson Hannigan!

Hey.

Welcome to "Fool Us,"

a show where we give the greatest magic duo of all time

a few minutes to get comfortable

before we spring four magicians on them

from all over the globe.

Ready to defend themselves against all forms of trickery,

give it up for the legendary Penn and Teller.

If Penn and Teller get fooled,

they hand over one of their "Fool Us" trophies

and an all-expense-paid trip to Vegas,

where they perform

at Penn and Teller's legendary Las Vegas show.

Let's see if this first magician can pull it off.

The last time I was on "Fool Us,"

I was so happy to be able to perform for my idols.

Everybody, do not blink your eyes.

I'll just do it one more time.

Then something happened

that took it to a whole other level.

This is the one of the happiest performance moments

of my life.

I hope that this clip

gets looped forever on a screen on my gravestone.

This time, I'm so proud

to be able to present my proudest achievement,

my son, Johnny.

I've been raising him like a younger version of me.

Johnny's been working hard on his magic,

and I believe he's ready.

This is his final test

to prove himself as a magician.

Penn, Teller,

last time, I defeated you on my own.

This time, we're even more powerful

as father and son.

He was here before and fooled the boys by himself.

Now joining us from Germany,

here's Ryan Hayashi and his son, Johnny.

My son, Johnny, and I are honored to step inside

the first international Penn and Teller magic dojo,

where tonight, we will attempt to blow your minds.

we show this table from all sides, front and back.

And, Johnny, let's take it apart.

Let's go.

Nothing under the table. Nothing inside.

Nobody's home.

Our magic comes from the hands,

the mind, and the heart.

Over to you, Johnny. What's next?

the cups and ba*ls routine.

Yeah, but this is not your father's old cups and ba*ls.

This is a father-and-son cups routine,

and it's anything but routine.

Johnny, are you ready?

Thanks to you, I was born to do this.

That's what I want to hear.

Watch these ba*ls, Johnny.

For me, this is not just a magic performance.

- This is your first real test.
- Oh!

Vanished, like all fear.

Pass this, and you will no longer be a boy.

- You will be a man-gician.
- Whoa, whoa!

Gone like all doubt.

This is what I've been training you for.

It is time for you to fulfill your destiny.

- Do it.
- Swoosh!

Disappeared like tears in the rain.

Any questions before we begin?

I didn't think so.

And just like that, the ba*ls come back.

- Wait. What?
- Or not.

Freestyle jam, Johnny. Watch this.

One move, and bang!

The ba*ls come back.

Whoa! You're up, son.

Come to the table, take my wand,

and become one with the force.

The world is watching.

You do the magic.

I'll do the monologue.

Everybody, watch Johnny show kids across the planet

if they put in the work,

they can do anything.

Awesome.

Because we are not here

only to hurt your brain with wicked magic...

Solid.

We are here to inspire men, women, and children

to believe in their own human potential

and become smart, unstoppable individuals

who will contribute to the advancement

of human civilization and social harmony

for everyone in the world!

Good job, son.

I'm up next. Let's get set up again.

I need the wand.

That was epic! -

- Who writes our scripts?
- You do.

I love you, son.

- I like that last move you did.
- Yeah.

I'm gonna do exactly the same trick

- but...ten times faster.
- Sure.

- You ready for this?
- For what?

- I just did it!
- What?

And the ba*ls come back.

- How?
- How?

You've been asking me that question for years, son,

and the time is right.

I'm gonna teach you...

- Now! I just did it.
- What?

It's teleportation, Johnny.

First, you have to make this object...disappear

and reappear somewhere else.

Now, this last ball--

Dad, can you give me the ball?

Oh, you want to try? Okay. Here, son.

Make me proud. What do you got?

- Nothing!
- That was awesome!

All right, now bring it back.

Everybody, check this out.

Three cups and three--

- Surprise!
- Oh!

You want to play?

Who do you think you're messing with?

The voice: movie trailer.

The look: Elon Musk.

off the chart.

- That's my dad.
- That's right.

The ba*ls go under the cups.

Let's change the cups, change the cups.

Slide the cups, slide the cups.

See what I just did?

- What?
- Take a look.

Nothing! I'm testing you.

- Wow.
- Jedi catch!

- Bam.
- Whoa!

- This one.
- Yeah?

- Don't need it.
- Okay.

Last one.

Same thing.

Johnny, I just fooled you.

- Why?
- Because this one's back!

- What?
- It defies physics.

- And this one's back!
- How?

One day, Johnny, you may actually...

- Bam!
- Fool me!

And that day is today.

What? He just fooled me!

Here. My turn.

And I just forgot that I'm human.

- No way.
- Get ready for this, Johnny.

Because vanishing a ball of this size is physically--

Bam! Impossible!

- Did I fool you?
- Yeah, you did.

All right, hotshot. You think you're good?

Go ahead.

Bam!

Bet you thought that worked, didn't you?

Sometimes you have to respect the old school.

You get the last one. The ball, my wand.

Wand, other hand.

This is the final vanish of the act.

You're the canvas of my life.

You make me proud!

And now we go next-level beast mode.

Power of the ancients!

The ba*ls are back!

And we're not done!

Psychological...damage.

Oh, yeah.

Wah.

Your time is now,

so accept no limits.

Believe in yourself

and unleash

the power within you!

* Ah *

And that's the Hayashi father-and-son...

Cups and ba*ls.

Whoo! Ryan and Johnny Hayashi!

Ryan, how you doing man?

Hey, good. How you doing?

Hey, Johnny, nice to meet you.

We're gonna work on figuring out what you were doing there

while you have a little talk with Alyson, okay?

- Okay.
- Cool.

Wow, so has this always been a dream,

father and son, like, takes on the world?

Well, yeah, I let him choose for himself,

but ever since he was little, he's wanted to do this

and he's been working for years on it.

So, Johnny, is your dad a great teacher?

Oh, he's awesome.

When he taught me my first trick,

he instantly sent me out to show it to people

so I get my practice with the audience.

I wouldn't say I'm an easygoing...

- No.
- Coach.

I'm like Mr. Miyagi.

But what's gonna happen the day that he outshines you?

Are you gonna be okay with that?

As a magician, we all reach a point in our career

when it becomes more about handing down

to the next generation.

And I'm not there yet!

But Johnny got to stand next to me.

Johnny, blink twice if you need rescuing.

Okay, well, let's see if Penn and Teller figured out

how you did your trick.

Boys.

Hi, guys. How old are you, Johnny?

I am actually 16.

- 16? Goodness gracious.
- Yeah.

My daughter, Moxie, is 15,

and she does magic as well,

and so this was really inspirational to me.

And, you know, two guys in suits,

that forehanded stuff

is really wonderful.

We're very used to it.

And also, the beginning

where you show the table

in service of turning the thing around

and showing that the table is all--

not rigged at all was very useful.

Teller points out about your patter.

Magicians very commonly

use their patter

just to say, "I'm picking up a ball now.

Now I'm doing this." They just narrate.

You use the patter very strongly as misdirection.

You set up a real musical rhythm

that allows you to do stuff off the beat

that is not what we expected.

It's a really smart way of using misdirection

and also saying, "Wait a minute.

Is that a 'Blade Runner' reference?"

That threw us off for a moment.

But...

Really, really good.

You did a great, great job,

and the whole act was just--

was just top-shelf and beautiful.

But it's cups and ba*ls,

and that's been around for...forever,

maybe the first magic trick.

We've been doing it forever,

so I think...

you didn't fool us.

So, Ryan, did you hear enough?

Do they know how you did your trick?

But thank you.

It was an honor and a pleasure

to present this act to you.

Always great to see you. Nice to meet you, Johnny.

Aw. Thank you so much.

Ryan and Johnny Hayashi!

Bye, guys.

Penn and Teller have to figure out more tricks

before they perform one of their own.

See plenty more amazing magic

when "Fool Us" returns.

Welcome back to "Fool Us."

Let's see who's gonna try and trick Penn and Teller now.

I love puzzles,

and I love escape rooms.

I've done probably more than 150 at this point.

Each room immerses you in a new adventure,

making you really think creatively

on the different solutions that are involved.

I have a math degree from UC Berkeley.

It's in applied mathematics

and theater.

For graduation, I was invited to perform

for our commencement ceremony.

Berkeley is a pretty big school,

so there was 30,000 people at the graduation ceremony.

That was the first day of my magic career.

I gave myself one year

to see if I could make it as a full-time magician.

So, Penn, Teller,

four years later, here I am.

* Yeah *

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome Nathaniel Segal.

Thank you very much.

It's great to be here in person.

You know, I have been counting down the days

until my Vegas performance

on this board.

Wait a minute; I forgot to add yesterday and today.

Perfect.

Tonight, I'm gonna put my math degree from UC Berkeley

to use so that my parents aren't entirely disappointed

that I became a magician.

First, we need a number.

- Alyson, could you help me?
- Sure.

Thank you. A round of applause for Alyson.

Thank you. Thank you.

- I have a tally counter here.
- Ooh, fun. Yeah.

I like it because it's a totally fair way

of getting a random number.

Plus...

I like the sound the clicker makes.

- Very satisfying.
- Yes.

You can see when I click it like that,

- the numbers go up.
- Yeah.

And I can turn it like that, and it resets.

- Ooh. Oh.
- Yeah.

We're just gonna focus on the first two numbers, okay?

- Okay.
- So you can see them going up.

- Yes.
- Just say stop

- whenever you'd like, okay?
- Okay.

- Anytime.
- Stop.

Right there. Are you happy?

- One more.
- One more. Okay.

- Thank you.
- Of course.

Can you read out what number we have?

- 68.
- 68. Perfect.

We have the number 68.

You can have a seat. Thank you so much.

- Sure.
- 68.

I will now condense my knowledge of abstract algebra

here on this board

in just about ten seconds.

I'll start by adding these numbers.

You can see. 49 plus 1, that's 50.

Plus 12, that's 62.

Plus 6, that's 68.

Now, probably anyone can do that...

if you have too much time on your hands.

But if you think that's cool, watch this.

Done.

If we look at the first row,



Plus 9, that's 62.

Plus 6, that's 68.

All the other rows add up to 68.

But we can take it one step further.

The columns. 6 plus 3, that's 9.

Plus 47, that's 56.

Plus 12, that's 68.

All of those columns add up to 68.

But that's not all.

The diagonals, those add up to 68.

As we saw the four corners, those add up to 68.

The four inside squares, those add up to 68.

These four right here add up to 68.

These four, these four, these four, those add up to 68.

And--

Okay, you probably weren't expecting to do

that much math tonight, so I think you get the point.

But there over 68 different possible combinations

of Alyson's freely chosen number, 68.

Thank you.

Boom.

Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Now, maybe you've seen magic

with numbers done like this before,

but there's another miracle hiding in plain sight.

Check out this magical coincidence.

If you count the marks on this board,



no, we're not gonna count every single one.

That would take forever.

But you'll find there are 68 of them,

exactly the same number Alyson freely chose

just a few moments ago.

But if you're not impressed with that,

we can add a little more magic this way.



Every single number, a perfect match.

Wow. Nathaniel Segal.

- Thank you.
- Wow!

That's incredible.

Clearly, you should be helping my children do math.

Yeah, I'm available for private tutoring.

- Okay.
- Just give me a call.

I love this. Did you make this yourself?

I did.

I built it all myself, and, actually,

there's one more thing this does.

- Can I show you?
- Yes.

Here, if you could just step back.

- Okay. Yes.
- I'll show you this. Watch.

So you did a magic show about the census?

I actually created a magic show

to help raise awareness of the U.S. Census.

This is one of the pieces, sort of reworked

a little bit, for that census show.

It also reminds me of sudoku, which--

Yes. Perfect.

- "Fool Us."
- Yeah.

So what's your process for inventing a trick?

I like to start thinking about,

what do I want to accomplish

and then how do I accomplish it?

But then I also set parameters for myself

sometimes, like, can I make this an examinable trick,

or can it be fold flat so I can travel,

or things like that.

And so that really helps me zero in

on trying to be creative

instead of just dealing with, "I want to do magic."

- Right.
- I know exactly

what I want to do

and have an idea of how I can do it,

kind of like this "Fool Us" thing.

Shall we find out if Penn and Teller know

how you did that trick?

- I guess so, yeah.
- All right.

Nathaniel, we're familiar with the magic square.

- Of course. Yeah.
- All magicians are.

And it doesn't really ever have an ending, right?

'Cause once you start adding numbers together

and you go, "And these make it, and this make it,

and this make it, and this make it,"

and the audience goes, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

- Yeah.
- It doesn't have a punch line

right after that,

and you found this way.

And we're both suckers

for that hiding-in-plain-sight thing

and real suckers for the prediction

not being in an envelope but being right out there.

"Oh, why couldn't I have seen that?"

And also, the quarter turn

has that wonderful feeling

of a child's coding system, you know?

That's so clever and a wonderful thing.

And really, what you have to do is find a random number,

you got to start out with a random number,

and you took that whole idea

with the clicker of finding a random number

and turned that right on its head.

I thought that was a really great use of that,

and it's a really wonderful routine.

Plus, and this is something

that's really important,

you're really likable.

We just liked you being onstage.

You're just really pleasant, really sweet.

But with all of that--

I think I should have slipped a thing or two in

that you heard--

we don't think you fooled us.

Aw. What do you think?

Do they know how you did the trick?

They're great at solving things,

so I think they got it.

- Aw. Well, thank you.
- So good.

Nathaniel Segal.

Thank you.

Our next magician is on deck,

and we'll see him take a swing

right after the break.

Stick around.

Welcome back.

This next magician is one of our favorites

and one of Penn and Teller's least favorites.

And he's back!

The first time I was on "Fool Us,"

I fooled Penn and Teller very fast.

- Bring another trophy.
- Wow!

- It was amazing.
- Wow!

Success didn't change my life.

I was still the same person,

but somehow, things became easier.

Suddenly, I realized I would have to go back.

So again, I was on "Fool Us,"

and I fooled them for the second time.

So now life was much better.

I didn't need anything more.

I love having those trophies.

They are like my little kids.

I was so happy,

but suddenly, I realized I needed one more.

So now I am trying for my third trophy

with the biggest effect ever

in "Fool Us" history...

or the biggest failure.

You will decide.

Oh, no.

Look out, boys!

Trying to fool Penn and Teller for a third time,

here's Jandro!

Hi, Penn! Hi, Teller!

Welcome to my TV show,

"Jandro Fools You for the Third Time."

Today I'm going to do a very good card trick,

very good card trick.

Remember this.

But I don't need to fool you,

because you are going to be fooled by yourselves.

Your ears, your eyes, and your mind will fool you.

Right now, you are already being fooled

because you think I'm here, in my house--no.

That's because your eyes are looking at this room.

But this is an illusion.

I'm in the middle of nowhere.

And you also think that I'm talking through a webcam.

No, this is not a webcam. This is a drone.

Yes, a drone. Bye-bye!

And third, you think I'm going to do a very good card trick.

No, I never said that. No, no, no, no.

I said I was going to do a very good car trick.

Car. Car. Vroom, vroom.

A car.

This is my car.

But because I'm from Spain and I always do card tricks

and you heard "card,"

your brain fooled you thinking

I was going to do a card trick.

No, no, it's a car trick. It's obvious.

So I've already fooled you three times right now.

I deserve a trophy.

But okay, I'll do a trick for you.

Here, I have

the biggest domino effect in the world.

We have 70 big blocks

of domino,

and I have a special message for you.

When I first came to "Fool Us,"

I did a trick that started in Spain and ended in Vegas.

Today it's the opposite.

The trick has already started in Vegas

and will end here in Spain

because the producers told you to write a number

between 0 and 1,000,

and the producers have sent me your number.

Here I have it.

Here it is. It's sealed. It's signed.

I promise I have never opened the envelope.

I give you my word.

I would give you my hair, but I don't have.

So now I am going to open the number,

and you will-- from now on,

you are going to see the whole scene from the drone,

so you can see that no one enters to help me

and it's one shot.

No cut. It's live, okay?

Let's do it.

Here I have, and the number is...





This is a message for you. I hope you enjoy.

This is my...

domino car trick.

I'm correct.

It's 404!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Bye!

Oh!

Jandro!

Hello.

Hello!

How do you even come up with these ideas?

With the lockdown,

we were very sad

because we could not go out of our house,

but the mind can go everywhere,

so that's the important thing.

But I felt maybe I can do something

that I cannot do on the stage

because it's too big.

Do you think you could ever do a trick

bigger than this one?

No. No. Never. Never.

Next time, I will do a very, very small trick

with fleas, you know?

- Oh, no.
- With little--yes.

Microscopic magic. Microscopic.

Okay.

How many tricks have you invented?

Every time I invent a trick, I lose a hair.

- Oh. Wow.
- Imagine.

Do you think you could teach people

to be as creative as you are?

Everyone is very creative.

Creativity is a muscle.

It's like making sport.

If you do sport, you get good muscles.

If you are always thinking a little bit different,

you get the muscle of creativity.

So everyone is very creative.

Okay, Jandro. Well, you've got two trophies.

Let's see if you can add a third one.

- Let's see.
- All right, boys.

Jandro, we love you more every day.

Thank you.

I need to tell everybody that you know

and we know that finding ways to read something

in an envelope is easy,

trivial.

We also know you well enough to know you didn't do that.

You did not do it the easy way.

You don't do anything the easy way,

so we're throwing out the whole envelope thing.

We also know a little bit about how you think,

so Teller said,

"Well, we know it's low-tech, 'cause it's Jandro.

"We know it's foolproof, 'cause it's Jandro.

We know it's stupid, 'cause it's Jandro."

So the very first thing Teller said was,

"I think he hid small Spanish children in the blocks."

And I said, "No way.

We're not gonna guess that. It's not possible."

So we are not gonna go with the stupid thing.

We don't think it's possible you did that.

We think you're crazy but not that crazy.

You would not hide people in blocks just to fool us,

so we have no idea.

So, Jandro, you fooled us.

Yay!

- Three-time Fooler!
- Three times, Jandro.

- Thank you.
- Three-time.

And when you do it again, we'll be just as happy.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

You won another trophy!

We will keep this locked away and safe for you

until you arrive in Vegas.

Thank you.

Give it up for Jandro!

Whoo-hoo!

Yay!

It's a swing and a miss for Penn and Teller

and a home run for our latest Fooler.

Stick around and see

if another magician

can knock one out of the park.

Welcome back.

If you're just joining us,

you missed a successful Fooler.

Maybe we can show you another one with this next magician.

I'm a librarian

for the Academy of Magical Arts

at the Magic Castle,

and I've been here for 13 1/2 years.

Books were what really taught me how to do magic.

All these years later,

I'm in charge of this wonderful library

full of the greatest books in magic.

One of my favorite books is hundreds pages of card tricks.

Every time I go back to it,

I see something I missed the first time,

and if you multiply that

by thousands and thousands of volumes,

you can guess how many tricks are explained in our library.

Members come in all the time.

They ask me questions

and I have to research something,

I end up learning as well.

There's a lot of buried gems in these books.

Now, Penn and Teller, I know you guys have

a lot of magic knowledge, but I have read so much

that maybe I've come across a few things

that might have slipped right by you.

We'll see what happens.

Please welcome the fancy hands

of Bill Goodwin!

Thank you very much.

I love cards.

I've had a deck of cards in my hands

since I was about two to three years old,

but to be fair, all I did with them then is eat them.

Now, a deck of cards has taught me a lot of things.

In fact, they taught me how to do arithmetic.

I know this sounds strange,

but I'll show you how it worked.

I'll get some number cards.

Yeah, these will work, the 9 and the 4.

What I would do is, I would make an equation

based on those numbers, place the 9 and 4--

or whatever cards they were-- into the pack,

and then the deck would magically give me the answer.

So in this example,

if I said, "What's 9 minus 4?"

this is what I would find when I spread the pack.

I would find one card here, and the other--

one, two, three four, five cards away.

Now, I didn't know arithmetic, but I did know how to count.

So I knew the deck was telling me

that 9 minus 4 was 5.

Am I the only one this has happened to?

Okay.

Well, you can see the five cards between them.

I'll square them nice and slow,

place them right in the center.

Now, that was me doing it.

Now I'll prove to you

the deck can magically give us the answer

simply by changing the equation.

Instead of subtraction, I'll try addition.



Let's see the deck magically find the answer.

There's 1, 2, 3, 4,





We can take this a step further.

Multiplication, that's pretty tough.

It's a big one. 9 times 4, that's 36.

Let's try it.

You saw 5. You saw 13.



Wait, wait. Let's check their work.















and 36.

I'm guessing the next thing to do would be division.

Yeah. That's a tough one.

Let's see if these guys can do it.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

That would leave me with, like, 1/4 card,

wouldn't it?

Okay, I'll try something even more difficult,

something I didn't do when I was a kid.

Let's try algebra.

We'll add the sum to the product.

Now, the deck told us that the sum was 13

and that the product was 36.

So if you add those together, we get...



So watch the deck.

With algebra. Watch.

- 49.
- Wow.

Now, this must be 49,

'cause that's 50, 51, and 52,

and the best part,



Whoo!

Oh, I love cards.

In fact, I love them so much,

I'm gonna tell you how this works.

Watch. Watch. You'll see it.

I cheated. I cheated.

Bill Goodwin.

- That was fantastic.
- Oh, thanks.

- Math and magic.
- Yes.

I was the most boring kid in school.

But probably the smartest.

That's a maybe.

So your whole life has revolved

around the Magic Castle?

Yeah, I became a junior member.

I was one of the juniors,

so when I was 16, I joined the Castle,

and I had only heard about it earlier that year.

I didn't know it existed.

Can you tell your audience why it's so important?

Yes, it's the Academy of Magical Arts.

It's a private club for magicians and their guests.

And it's one of the great places for magicians

because all the magicians come there eventually.

So you're gonna meet all the greats

and have resources and books.

You can go and find things that haven't been done for 80 years

that'll still fool everybody.

So have you read all the magic books in your library?

I don't think anybody can read every magic book.

- There's just too many of them.
- Teller probably has.

Yeah, besides him.

Okay, Bill, well, let's see

if your calculator trick adds up to a fool.

Okay.

Gentlemen?

You know what? I got to tell you,

I sometimes think it's interesting

to tell people the first thing we say,

and the first thing I said when you finished was,

"That's a totally original idea for a card trick."

He uses the cards in a different way.

Most card tricks boil down to, "Is this your card?"

Yeah.

"Pick a card. Is this your card?"

or, "Is this your card? Now it's over here.

Now it's someplace impossible."

This uses cards as discrete numeric objects,

which I think is fascinating.

I just really loved it.

And there is much more real math in this

than the audience knows, we think.

There's all sorts of stuff that works where you're

ahead on the math from where the audience thinks you are.

It's just--just a beautiful, beautiful routine.

- Thank you.
- I could stay stuff--

like, you know, throw out words like "cover pass"

and stuff like that and all the moves

that you did just beautifully,

but our guess as to how you did this

was that it is b*stard-hard move

done really, really well.

Is that correct? Does that sound correct?

That is very correct, sir.

- Just a beautiful job.
- Oh, thank you so much.

- Oh.
- Thank you.

Well, you didn't fool them,

but I've never enjoyed math more.

- Okay. Thanks.
- Bill Goodwin.

- Thanks, everybody.
- Thank you.

We've held them off as long as we could,

but Penn and Teller really want to perform

a brand-new trick for you,

After the break, they will.

Stick around.

Welcome back to "Fool Us."

Teller started doing magic when he was five years old.

By the time he was 12, he was doing a show

he called "Teller's Wonder Show"

for Cub Scout troops around Philadelphia.

Tonight, performing with one of the actual props

that little Teller built,

are the wonderful Penn and Teller.

This is all from "Teller's Wonder Show."

Teller was an only child,

and his mother carefully saved everything.

Teller was looking through his storage unit,

and he found, perfectly packed by his mom,

all the props and the script for his entire Cub Scout show.

Even after all these years, he was a little embarrassed,

but I loved it,

maybe because he was a little embarrassed.

This is Teller's original patter from when he was 12.

He recited this poem that he wrote himself,

but so I don't feel left out, he's gonna let me read it.

Get ready for "Alice Through The Looking Glass

to Teller's Wonderland."

"There once was a cottage in England.

"It certainly was no palace,

"and in it lived a curious girl

who went by the name of Alice."

"One day, she chased a fluttering bat to the roof.

"When it flew, Alice lunged.

"But she missed, and she stumbled

"and suddenly tumbled,

"and down through the chimney she plunged.

"Down and down and down she went,

"inches and feet and yards,

"and as she fell down the endless well,

"she was showered with playing cards.

"She was floated, suspended in the air.

"The miracle did astound her head over heels,

"heels over head.

"The world did a merry-go-round her,

"and she thought it was grand,

"when a giant hand passed a giant hoop around her.

"And now appeared before her eyes

"a mushroom of enormous size.

"Its cap was pink with polka dots.

"Its stem was like a pillar.

"It smelled like feet and cheese that rots.

"In short, it did not thrill her.

"And on the top, there sat erect

"a most exotic striped insect,

a creepy caterpillar."

Who are you?

"The creature roared, trying to make her scream.

"'Well, I'm the main character in this book,

and you're just a thing in my dream.'"

What's that on the tip of your finger?

Yum, my favorite snack, a thimble.

Yum.

Ah, and yet another and yet another.

Your little fingers are nimble.

"The caterpillar stuck out its tongue.

"Alice took the end and tugged it.

"It seemed to be nearly a mile long,

"and as she pulled, it hummed a song,

"accompanied by a Chinese gong,

"till finally she unplugged it.

"The mushroom liked to play croquet,

"and so it stood and walked away,

"as mushrooms do in fairy land.

"Then suddenly, callooh, callay,

"a queen of hearts was in her hand.

"A giant cookie came, as wide as a tree trunk.

"She took a bite...

"and fast as light,

"she found that she had shrunk,

"no bigger than a playing card, no bigger than a doll.

"Then she recalled her mother's words:

"'Drink milk and you'll grow tall.'

"A monstrous glass of milk appeared.

"'I mustn't drink too much,' she feared,

"and so she drank and persevered

"until it all had disappeared and she began to grow

"and looked out on a crowd that cheered

because there's nothing quite as weird..."

"As 'Teller's Wonder Show.'"

Whoo!

Yippee.

Ah!

I hate to say it, but we've got to go.

For Penn, Teller, and the amazing Moxie Jillette,

good night, and we'll see you soon.

Ah.