08x01 - Penn & Teller's Worst Nightmare

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

- From the Penn & Teller Theater

at the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas,

here's our host,
Alyson Hannigan!

♪ ♪

- Welcome to "Fool Us."

Penn and Teller always talk

about how much they love
doing this show,

but tonight might
change all that.

This show is Penn
and Teller's nightmare.

We've got two acts
that have already fooled

the boys a record three times,

another act
who's fooled them twice

and holds the record
for "Fool Us" appearances,

and an old friend of theirs
with an ax to grind.

It should be fun for us

but maybe not so much
for the stars of our show,

the always magical
Penn and Teller!

♪ ♪

Every performer tonight
knows this show,

knows the stakes,
knows Penn and Teller.

Let the games begin with this
familiar three-time Fooler.

- Hi, I'm Jandro from Spain,

and I've won on "Fool Us"
three times.

The first time was very fast.

The second was so fun.

I ended on stage running
with Penn and Teller.

♪ ♪

For my third one,

I did the biggest effect
ever in "Fool Us" history.

Yeah!

So I had three trophies,
and my life was perfect.

I wanted to share my happiness,

so I gave one trophy
to each member

One for my son,

one for my daughter,

and the last one for my wife.

So now everyone had one.

Well, not everyone.

♪ ♪

- Joining us once again
from Spain,

a three-time Fooler,
here's Jandro!

- Hi, Penn!
Hi, Teller!

Hola, amigos!

Welcome to my TV show,
"Penn and Teller Get Annoyed."

Today, I'm going to try
to do something

no one has ever done.

I'm going
to outclass David Copperfield.

Someone had to do it.

In 1983, David Copperfield
vanished the Statue of Liberty,

great trick, a little bit dark,
but a great trick.

Today, I'm going to vanish
two Statues of Liberty.

Here they are.

♪ ♪

We are going for quantity,
not quality.

But I will vanish them
in the middle

of an airplane landing track

in impossible
laboratory conditions.

And the statues are going
to be held

in midair by a friend of mine.

♪ ♪

Gracias, Jesus.

♪ ♪

And so that we don't have
legal problems,

we also have a lawyer.

Gracias, Jennifer.

And so that no one steals
those statues,

we also have a policeman.

Gracias, Jose.

♪ ♪

They are going to be
guarding the statues here

in this platform,
totally isolated from the floor

and totally surrounded,
because at the back,

we have two runway controllers.

- Hola!
- Hola!

- And at the front, we have
the Spanish Penn and Teller!

♪ ♪

They could be
your twin brothers.

And from here, you can see,

from the front,
you can see above,

you can see beneath,
you can see the sides,

and you can see
the two runway operators.

Please, if a plane comes,
tell us, so we don't die!

Okay!

- And Penn and Teller,
if you see something strange,

you see how the trick works,

or you see something
or someone going in or out,

please stand up and shout,

"Cheater! Cheater!
Tramposo! Tramposo!"

And the landing operators,
if you see someone going in,

going out,
or how the trick works,

please move the banners,
like this, yes.

Mueve, mueve, yeah, sí!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

This is totally true.

If they see something strange,

or they know
how the trick is done,

they will start shouting,
and they will screw it up.

I give you my word.

I would give you my blood,
but you are vegan.

So from now on,
we are not going to cut.

It's live, one shot, no edit.

The vanishing
two Statues of Liberty,

totally surrounded,
and in daylight.

Tres, dos, uno!

♪ ♪

Sí, sí, sí!

Ha salido!

Have you seen anyone going?
Have you seen?

No?

Have you seen someone?
Come here!

Toca, toca!

Toca... sube, sube!

Yay!

Sorry, Copperfield!

Bye!

- Jandro!

Jandro.

- Hello!

- Oh, I love you so much.

- Thank you, thank you.
It was very crazy, very crazy.

- Your tricks get bigger
every time.

What comes next?

- Next time,
I'm going to vanish a planet.

- Do you have one in mind?

- I will vanish Pluto

because it's
a very small planet.

- Aww.

They're actually
surprisingly quiet.

They're not really talking.
They're thinking.

- Oh, I've never
seen them thinking.

That's a miracle.

- Well, they're thinking,
but they've got smiles

on their face,
so they are enjoying,

even if they hate you.

- You know,
they are getting a bit old,

so they have to talk more,
you know?

- Okay, Jandro,

let's see if you can run away
with trophy number four.

- Hola, mi amigo!

- Hola, amigos!

- My dear friend, I talk to you
at least every week.

We talk in Spanish.

We talk in English.
We laugh.

You're a very,
very close friend.

We know how you think.

We are not gonna
give you the trophy

that easily this time.

- Okay.

- We have, this time,

a guess on how you did it.

We think... and I'm just gonna
say it outright,

that you masked the bottom
of that with mirrors,

and that there actually
was a hole in the runway,

and they went down
through a trapdoor.

Did we get you?

- You know what's the problem?

- What?
- You know how I think.

But I know how
you think I think.

- Oh!

- So, this time,

this time I have not thought
as I usually think.

- Maybe you wrapped them up
in the cloth.

They're in the cloth
that you threw down afterwards.

- So, so,

I want to see your reaction

when you see the actual method.

There's an envelope in the
table with the real method.

I wanted you to read
it just for yourselves,

and I want to see your reaction,

and you decide
if I have fooled you or not.

- Ah!

- I know it's crazy.

- Ah.

- This is the craziest
thing we've ever seen!

No one would ever
do something like that.

It's genius and devilish.

But... this is the first time

I'll be saying this
like this... nos engañaste.

- Thank you.

- What's that mean?
- Thank you.

- What's that mean?

- We are fooled!

- Yay!
Four times!

- Thank you!
- Whoo, Jandro!

- Four times!

- Four-time Fooler Jandro!

Yay!

Whoo!

Penn and Teller just got duped,
deceived, and delighted.

But they've got
three more "Fool Us" veterans

to take on,
as "Fool Us" continues.

- Welcome back to Penn
and Teller's worst nightmare.

Boys, I bet you didn't
see this coming.

Take a look.

- Hello, my name's
Piff the Magic Dragon.

Did you know that it all
started for me ten years ago,

when I was on the very
first season

Fool Us"?

That single appearance
lit my career on fire,

got to America.

I became BFFs
with Penn and Teller.

But when the pages
of history are written,

only one question
will remain... did I,

Piff the Magic Dragon,
fool Penn and Teller?

The answer, of course, is no.

Otherwise, I'd be on my yacht,
like Shim Lin.

Today, I'm here
to make that right.

I want that trophy.
It haunts me.

It's all I can think about.
I see it everywhere I go.

No matter the fame
and the fortune,

it means nothing
till that trophy is mine.

But to get it, I'm gonna have
to perform my best trick yet,

convincing Penn and Teller
we've never met.

- Performing on "Fool Us"
for the first time,

here's Claude
the Regular Dragon.

- Good evening, my name is
Claude the Regular Dragon.

Penn, Teller, have you ever met
Claude the Regular Dragon?

- No.

- Consider yourself fooled

because it's actually me,
Piff the Magic Dragon!

Now I'm the champion!
Let's lower the trophy!

Well, fine, plan B.

Standing beside me is the Penn
and Teller Chamber of Sorrows,

containing the one thing
guaranteed to fool

Penn and Teller.

I'll be right back.

Where did I put it?

It's in here somewhere.

Oh, is it behind this... oh,
there it is.

I've got it.
I'm coming out.

A card trick,
your Achilles heel.

You might as well just lower
that trophy right now, boys.

Let's just lower the trophy.
Fine.

Before we go any further,
I have a plan.

Last time,
I went home empty-handed,

not tonight.

Penn, do you have $20?

- I do happen to, yes.

- Whip it out, Penn.
Whip it out.

Hey Penn,
do you have a pen, Penn?

- I do.
- I got one, too.

Let's use mine
because mine is magic.

You're gonna write your name
on the money.

In fact, I'd like you
to write something

very specific,
"To Piff, love, Penn."

That's me.
- L-U-V or L-O-V-E?

- Just a heart.
- Okay.

- I'm gonna take
the pen back, please.

- Oh, certainly.

- Vanish.

I'm gonna take the money.
Vanish.

Don't look at my pocket.

Now, Penn, if I fool you,
you'll get your money back.

But if I fail,
the money's mine to keep.

Fair?

Teller, I haven't forgotten you.

Should I fool you, you get
this sweet, sweet trophy.

♪ ♪

Look at that.

Imagine that on your
mantelpiece there, Teller.

♪ ♪

The stage is set.

Alyson, please join me
over here at the table.

- Yes.

- Alyson, I'm gonna deal
these cards before you.

Anytime you like,
you're gonna call out "stop."

Happy?
- Yeah.

- Vanish.

- Amazing.
- Here we go.

- Stop.
- Just here?

- Yeah.

- Are you happy
just there, Alyson?

- Yeah.

- Or would you like me
to continue?

- All right, one more.
- One more?

- One more.

- Alyson, you're gonna
take the three.

That is your card.
I'm gonna slide it towards you.

Do you have a pen?
- No.

- This show is
getting expensive.

Alyson, you're gonna
write your name on the front

of the playing card
for me, please.

- Like... on the face?
- That's a good idea, yeah.

- That's okay?
- Yeah, you nailed it.

It's almost like you've done
this show for however

many seasons it's been.

Once you've done that, Alyson,

I'd like you to place the card
anywhere back in the deck.

Could be literally
anywhere back in the deck.

I'm gonna show the card
to the camera,

so that everyone gets to see it.

Just there, the three of clubs,
with Alyson's name upon it.

Now Alyson, roughly speaking,
how many cards down in the deck

do you think that was?

Just roughly.
- 20.

- 20 cards, I'm gonna give
the cards another shuffle.

Or did I?

I'm gonna cut the cards.

- Whoa.

- Or did I?

I'm gonna eat one of these
delicious nachos.

Or did I?

Now, Penn, Teller,

if you're fooled,
this whole thing can end now

'cause what follows next is
a convoluted hot mess.

- We'd like the hot mess.
- Oh, you want to continue.

Fine, well, you've only got
yourselves to blame.

Here's what's gonna
happen next, Alyson.

You're gonna start
dealing the cards.

As you deal the cards,
you're gonna count the cards.

One, elephant,
elephant, elephant.

Two, elephant,
elephant, elephant.

Three, elephant, elephant,
elephant, etc.

Three elephants per card.

- Okay.
- That's very important.

When you get to your card,
you're gonna stop.

You're gonna remember
your total number of elephants.

Multiply your number
by three elephants.

Is that clear?
- Not at all.

- Great.
This should be interesting.

Alyson, start dealing.

- Okay.

One, elephant,
elephant, elephant.

Two, elephant,
elephant, elephant.

Three, elephant,
elephant, elephant.

Four, elephant,
elephant, elephant.

Five, elephant, elephant,
elephant.

I forgot my card now.

Six, elephant,
elephant, elephant.

Seven, elephant, elephant...
- Chip?

- Wait, hold on.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven,

What?

Oh, hang on a second.
Hello?

Yes, it is
Piff the Magic Dragon.

Yes, I did order a pizza.

Yes, Alyson is still
counting playing cards.

Yes, that is you
walking on stage.

Yep, keep going, Alyson.

- Okay, 21.
- Off you go.

- 22.
- All right, hello.

Thank you very much.

Hey, I got something
special for you, buddy.

Oh, a crispy $20 bill.

- There we go, you're welcome.
Thank you very much.

- 27, elephant, elephant,
elephant.


elephant, elephant.

- Mmm.
- 29.

- Just the way I like it,
extra bananas.

- 30... ahh!
- No pizza.

- Penn, Teller,
how about a snack?

It feels like we're gonna
be here quite a long time.

- 32, elephant, elephant,
elephant.


elephant, elephant.


elephant, elephant.

- Cheers.
- Eight... is that 38?


elephant, elephant.


elephant, elephant.


elephant, elephant.



- We're into the final stretch.

- Elephant.


elephant, elephant.



- We'll do these
next ones together.

- 46, elephant, elephant.

- 46, elephant,
elephant, elephant.

- 47.

Elephant, elephant, elephant.

- 48.

Elephant, elephant, elephant.

- 49.

Elephant, elephant, elephant.

- I must have miscounted, but...

- What?
- 51.

I don't know,
but it's not in there.

- Where's your card?
- It's not in there.

- You probably just missed it.
- No.

- Let's start again.

Oh, you'd like that,

wouldn't you, Penn and Teller,

Alyson endlessly counting cards

while I slowly poison myself
with potassium.

Well, not on my watch

because the cards were smoke
and mirrors.

It's nothing to do
with the cards.

It's all about the elephants.

Alyson, what number
did you end up with?

What number of elephants?

- Uh, 153.

- 153 elephants?
- Possibly.

- Inside the Penn and Teller
Chamber of Sorrows,

Jade, let's take a look.

♪ ♪

Oh, ladies and gentlemen!












Lower the trophy!

Lower the trophy!
Is there a problem?

You understand
what's happening, right?

You're holding


And Alyson stopped
at 153 elephants.

So you understand?
Yeah?

Well, guess what,
it's 152 elephants,

so it's a technical fool,
but I'll take it.

Ladies and gentlemen,
let's lower the trophy!

Lower the trophy!

Okay.

You know what, I thought
it might come to this.

Sure, you're holding


But there is still
one elephant in the room.

Alyson, would you
please join me over here

with the playing cards?

Bring the playing cards
over here, Alyson.

- All right.

- That's right,
one elephant in the room.

Oh, Elfie?
Oh, look who it is!

It's Elfie the Magic
Performing Elephant!

That's right, I've got my own
magic performing elephant,

and it's not some pigmy spotted.

No, it's a genuine baby elephant

who does magic tricks.

I traded in the dog
for an upgrade.

All right, Alyson,
give me those playing cards.

Now just focus on your card.
You ready?

On the count of three.
One, two, three.

Oh, would you look at that?

It's the three of clubs!

Give it up for Alyson,
ladies and gentlemen, Alyson!

How about a round of applause
for Miss Jade Simone!

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

- But of course, the true star
of the evening...

It's Elfie, the baby elephant!

- Whoa.

- Lower the trophy.

Lower... you understand this is
a genuine baby elephant here.

Okay.
Is this what it's come down to?

Is it just gonna take
just a bribe?

Is that what it's gonna be?

I've been after this trophy
for ten years.

So if it's about money,
then I think I can help.

Jade.

Alyson, that is
no regular playing card.

That is in fact
a gift card, Alyson.

Examine the card, Alyson.
- Yeah.

- The card you're holding,
does it appear to have a lump,

a bump, a lovely little hump?

- It is a lovely hump.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- But look at it.

Does it look like
a standard regulation card

with something growing, living,
breathing inside the card?

Would you do me a favor?

Would you tear the corner
of the card?

Just tear the corner
of the card.

Just tear the corner,
just the corner.

- Okay, I hear
what you're saying.

- That's it, yep,
Keep going all the way down.

All the way down, keep tearing,
all the way down.

- Okay, all the way.
- All the way down.

- Inside Alyson's card,

I believe we should find

a $20 bill signed

by Penn

from the beginning of the show.

- Wow!

Piff the Magic Dragon!

Oh!

That was fabulous.

- Thanks, Alyson.
Thanks for your help.

- Yeah, I'm so glad
I got to be a part of it.

- You nailed it with the math,
didn't you?

- That was the hardest part.

So are you disappointed
your disguise didn't fool them?

- It did fool them, clearly.
It's just...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- It would have been
the quickest fool in history.

- Definitely, I mean,
for my count... and you know,

the counting was the rough part
for me,

but I feel like you got, like,
five or six trophies tonight.

- I think so.

And I could just have them
pre-packaged in one sort of,

like, champagne crate,
that would be great.

- Okay.

What do you think
they're talking about?

- Maybe how not to
break my heart.

- That would be nice.

Okay, Piff,
let's go to Penn and Teller

and see if you get that trophy
you so desperately deserve.

- Piff!

- Yes.
- How are you?

- I'm very good.
How are you, Penn?

- Good to see you.
It's been ten years, Piff.

We first met you over
in England.

And since then, since your
first appearance on "Fool Us,"

you've gone on
"America's Got Talent"

and did fabulously,
although you didn't win.

You've gotten your own theater
in Las Vegas.

You've been filling it up
all the time.

You play all over the country,
all over the world.

You've done shows everywhere.

You've accomplished so much!

And the one thing
you haven't accomplished,

the big drag in your life... and
I use the word "drag"

very carefully... the big drag
in your life

is you have not won
a "Fool Us" trophy.

The first time on "Fool Us,"
you k*lled us.

We loved you.
You did not win a trophy.

During those ten years
we've been on stage together,

you and I have worked here
in Vegas together,

we have become really,
really close true friends,

and we love you, Piff.

But you did not win a trophy!

See you in ten years!

- Oh.
- You b*tch.

- Piff the Magic Dragon!

- Ten years, baby.
- See you in ten years, Piff.

- I'll see you
in another ten, boys.

- We'll also have dinner
tomorrow night, okay?

- Yep, great.
I'm free.

- Penn and Teller were surprised

to see their old friend Piff.

But they weren't fooled by him.

More surprises to come,
so don't go anywhere.

- Welcome back.

Penn and Teller have already
given up more

than one "Fool Us" trophy
to our next magician.

Sorry, boys.
Look who's back.

- When you live in Australia
and you compete

against two American icons
like Penn and Teller,

people take notice.

Dad designs and builds
all the magic right here

in his secret workshop.

All our secrets are right here
in this shed.

They're just waiting to be used.

We fooled Penn and Teller once.

Then we fooled them again.

And then the last time
I came on...

- We have a three-time Fooler,
Helen Coghlan!

- I became the first magician
in history to fool

Penn and Teller three times
on their own show.

And it's always been
with one of Dad's tricks.

We'd have to be crazy to mess
with a record like that.

And with Australia's
national honor on the line,

we're gonna pull out all stops.

So, Penn and Teller,
here's another one for you.

♪ ♪

- She's so good she doesn't
even need to be in Las Vegas

to try to fool you guys.

Joining from Australia

is three-time Fooler
Helen Coghlan!

- Hello, Penn.
Hello, Teller.

I'm on the beach

on the beautiful
Gold Coast, Australia.

Now, I knew if I wanted to try
and fool you guys

for the fourth time,

I was going to have to come up
with something truly special.

So Dad has created
the most difficult escape yet.

I want you to be able
to see all the way around,

so here's the 360-degree view.

I know sometimes magicians
are known for lying.

I'll admit that.

But we know each other well
enough at this point, don't we?

So I think you'll trust me
when I tell you

that this is a 100% metal box.

The bolts, they're welded
on the inside.

It's completely solid
and impenetrable.

The only way out is magic.

All that's left to do is
attach the heavy metal door,

and the solid metal latch,
and solid metal pin

that's gonna seal me in tight.

And I've got four volunteers
helping me out today.

What makes this escape
especially difficult is

that I'm barely able to move.

I'm completely trapped

at my legs...

My arms, and my waist...

And also my head.

I've never had to escape
from anything like this before.

Gee, thanks, Dad.

Now, of course, I have
the home court advantage.

But I like to play fair.

You should have a little gift
in front of you that I've sent.

Take the cover off
and have a look.

It's a scale model
of the escape I'm in now.

And it comes complete
with a little me inside.

So if you can figure out

how to get little me
out of the little cage,

you'll know how the trick's done

because you know I'm not gonna
let you see me do it.

After all,
we all need a little mystery.

Let's do it.

♪ ♪

For those of you at home trying
to figure out what I'm doing

at just this moment, good luck.

And to you two, Penn and Teller,

I hope this escape has you both
scratching your heads.

As for why I'm on the beach,
well, that's to prove

there's no trapdoor
funny business going on.

Tunneling my way
out of this cage is

completely out of the question.

Geez, I don't even like
getting sand in my shoes.

And the last thing I want is

to be buried headfirst under it

with a 300-pound steel cage
on top of me.

But hang on,
I don't need a trap door.

I think I've got
this figured out.

Penn, Teller,

you'll see the cage is
still completely locked,

and the restraining shelves
are still in place.

It's as if I've walked
through solid steel.

And maybe I did.

- Helen Coghlan!

Hi, I miss you!

- Hi, Alyson.
I've missed you as well.

- So fooling them three times.

You must be a hero in Australia.

- I wouldn't go that far.
I haven't saved anyone.

But I'm quite excited
about the third trophy.

And obviously, Dad is as well.

- Yeah, is it fun to be working
with your dad,

or is he a tough partner?

- It's fantastic.

It really is good.
I love it.

- Do you think
you've fooled them again?

- Honestly, Alyson,
I couldn't say.

But I'm really... I'm
hoping I have.

- Okay, Helen, let's see

if you can escape
with a fourth trophy.

- Hello, Helen.

- Hello, Penn.
Hello, Teller.

- Here we are again.
- Have you missed me?

- You know, you and your dad
work on these things.

You prepare yourself for these.

But this time,
we prepared for you

because Teller,
unbeknownst to you...

- Ooh, okay.

- He bought your dad's book.

- Uh-oh.
- He bought your dad's book.

And he studied it.
And he read it.

And he came down with... thinking
about the way

you've done stuff in the past,
the way your dad does stuff,

he had a way with hinges
and stuff like that,

but he didn't have every single
detail on how you get out that.

I thought... and I couldn't

figure out exactly how to do it,

but I thought
that the whole front was

all just misdirection,

and you actually
went out the back.

We don't get two bites
at the apple,

so we had to pick one.

So since Teller didn't have
all the details,

and I didn't have
all the details,

we decided to come down
to one question.

And that is... we're just,

you know,
holding you to your word.

You're out on a beach
in Australia.

We're back here in Vegas.

Did you go out the back?

That's all we're giving you.

If you went out the back,

you don't get
your fourth trophy,

and we win this time.

Did you go out the back, Helen?

- Start lowering
that trophy, boys.

- Oh!
- Yay!

- I did not go out the back.
- Whoo!

- Four times, Helen!

- We have a four-time Fooler!
- Four times.

- Fool me once,
well, never mind.

Fool me four times,
it's shame on everybody.

But next time,
you're not gonna fool us.

We're gonna prepare even more.
- That's a challenge.

That's a challenge.
- That is a challenge.

- We have another
four-time Fooler!

Congratulations, Helen Coghlan.

Penn and Teller will keep
your trophy tucked away

until you join them in Vegas.

Yay!

- Say hi to Australia
for us, Helen.

Love you.
Peace.

- Bye.
- Bye.

We've got a Fooler in the house.

And we could have another.

More "Fool Us" after this.

♪ ♪

- Welcome back.

This next magician
already has a "Fool Us" trophy,

but he wants to mess with
Penn and Teller one more time.

Take a look.

- Surprise.
I'm back again.

- Paul Gertner!

- For those that
are keeping score,

I've been on "Fool Us"
four times.

I'm pretty sure
that's a "Fool Us" record.

And I've fooled
Penn and Teller twice.

My wife Catherine
gets really nervous

when she watches me perform.

After my last appearance,
I promised her I'm done.

I won't be back
on "Fool Us" again.

But then, I thought of a new
trick, and it's a good one.

My show in Boston
is my testing ground.

Every trick I do here,

I've done there
hundreds of times.

But I haven't been
doing shows lately,

so I'll be facing
Penn and Teller

with a trick I think will work,

but it's a little scary.

Catherine, I'm sorry,
but this is the last time.

And we'll finally see
how I make out

in this best of five series.

It's tied two-to-two.
Cross your fingers.

- Making his record-breaking
fifth appearance on "Fool Us,"

please welcome Paul Gertner!

- Thank you, thank you.

Well, Penn, Teller,
it is a pleasure

to be back here
on "Fool Us" again.

And I realized,

since I'm going for my third
"Fool Us" trophy,

tonight I have
to perform a hat trick.

- Yeah.

- And it's a very simple trick.

It uses three objects.

It uses three dice, a hat,

and it uses a magic wand.

Now, the dice will stay here

on the table by Penn.

The hat will stay over here
on the table by Teller.

And the wand is going
to stay in my hand.

And if you watch the three dice,

I'll take them one at a time.

Die number one,
I take it in the hand,

I give it a tap,

and it disappears,
and travels through the air,

across the table,
over by Teller,

under the hat.

Now, that's the first time.

I'll do it again.

See, if you watch die
number two, and, Penn,

if you watch very carefully,
I'm gonna place it in my hand.

I'll ask you a question.
You can be honest.

You're not gonna
hurt my feelings.

Do you think it's still there?
Or you think it's gone already?

- I think it's in the hand.
- You're right.

I didn't do anything yet,
but this is die number two,

which means I have
to tap it twice.

And then it disappears,

travels through the air,
across the table,

over by Teller, under the hat.

Now, I'll do it one more time,
but this time, Teller,

I'm going to reveal part
of the secret to the trick,

not the whole secret,
just part of the secret.

You see, when I pick up the die

and I place it in my hand,

it only stays here
for a few seconds.

And when I tap it,
I don't just tap it,

I give it what we call
in the trade a tap and take.

You're familiar with that,
of course.

It's something magicians use
all the time.

You see, I tap and take it
at the same time.

Now, let me explain.

When I did this the first
few times, you didn't see it,

because my hands were
moving so fast,

even if you watched this
in slow-motion video,

you wouldn't see the tap
and take done at fast speed.

But watch what happens
when I slow down the process.

You can see the tap
and the take separated

by about half a second.

I take it from here
over to here.

I pretend to place it
in my pocket.

But of course, in reality,
I'm going to take this die,

and I'm going to flick it
under the hat,

and it looks like
it was there all the while.

Now, we'll do it one
last time, though.

You see, if I take two
in the hand,

one in the pocket... Penn,
how many in the hand?

- Two.

- But if I give it a tap,
there's one, two, three.

I'll do it again,
here, Teller, so you can see.

Two in the hand,
one stays in the pocket.

Yeah.

But if I give it a tap,

now there's one, two, and three.

Penn, Teller,
this is your last chance

to see how they get
in the pocket or the hand.

Slow-motion.
That's one.

That's two.

This one stays in the pocket.

And Penn, if you watch
very closely, take a guess.

Where do you think the dice are?

♪ ♪

- In the hat.
- The hat?

You know, those three dice
have combined under the hat

to form... let me
check... yep, the big one.

Hey, but I know where
this one comes from.

And I know where
this one comes from.

But you know what
I can't figure out?

♪ ♪

Where in the world did that
one come from?

Thank you.

Hey, I don't know
if these two surprised you.

But I'm kind of hoping
this one this one will

because we're in Las Vegas.

And in Las Vegas,
dice always come

in pairs.

Hey, Penn, Teller, I just
produced three jumbo dice,

but that's not the hat trick
I promised.

This is the hat trick.

- Very nice.

- And Penn, you get the hat.

Teller, you get the die.

And I thank you very much.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you!

Thank you.

- Paul Gertner!

I mean,
this is your fifth time here.

And so far, you fool them
every other time.

- That's true.
I have every other time.

- Yeah.
- You're right, you're right.

- Is this a trick
they'd be familiar with?

- Well, actually,
I've been doing the bulk

of the trick for about 40 years.

But that ending,

it's the premiere here
for that ending.

- Oh, my goodness.

Do you try to get
into their headspace of, like,

what are they gonna
be looking for?

- Completely.
- Oh.

- Completely, yeah.

There's a number of elements

designed in this trick
just for that purpose.

- So do they have a blind spot?

- Hmm, that's a good question.

'Cause I don't know,
but I'm hoping I found it.

- Yeah, all right, Paul, well,

let's see if your hat trick
gives you a hat trick.

- Okay.

- Hey, Paul, we love having you
on the show,

for all sorts of reasons.

First of all, we love you,
and you're great.

But also, even if you do
classic stuff,

you do it better
than anyone else.

And for anybody
who's studying magic,

you got a ball routine here,

you've got two in the hand,
one in the pocket,

you've got a Max Malini
big ending with big things.

And a lot of people are very,
very happy to do one big finish

or two big finishes,

or rarely three,
but you did, like... all nested,

one in the other, like four.

And then if you add
all the dice together, you did,

like, dozens,

maybe a hundred
big endings there.

It's really great.

And when you fool us,
I always get a little angry,

and I've called you
a lot of things, Paul,

not all to your face,
some to Teller here.

But the one we haven't
called you is a c*ck.

I've never called you
a c*ck.

But I wanted
to call you a c*ck.

It reminded us of when we were
on David Letterman's program.

And on David Letterman's
program,

we had a top hat that we
brought away from the desk

and then put back on the desk,
and then opened it up,

and it had... or pulled it
off... and it had,

like, hundreds,
hundreds of c*ck.

- Ew.

- And I think the way

we loaded
those final c*ck

was very similar to the way
you did the dice there.

And when I did all the
c*ck on David Letterman,

and they covered
David Letterman,

I called my mother
and told her what we had done

to David Letterman,
and she said to me,

"You will never work
in show business again.

You'll never be
on that show again."

And I want to say to you, Paul,
I don't think you fooled us,

but I really, really hope
you're on this show

a lot more in the future.

- Well...
- Well?

- I think you definitely nailed
that c*ck thing.

- Aww, so they know
how you did the trick?

- I think they got me.

- Aww.

Well, Paul, we love you so much.

Paul Gertner!

- Thank you!

- Thanks, Paul.

- Stay right where you are
because up next,

it's time for Penn and Teller
to take center stage

with a trick of their own.

- We couldn't say goodbye
without seeing

a signature trick
from our amazing duo.

Take it away, Penn and Teller.

- Stay right here, Alyson.
I want to show you something.

You know, there's still
some people that have trouble

accepting evolution as fact.

I think their problem is
they can't imagine... no matter

what the time period
is... one species

turning into another.

But I am uniquely gifted
to give them a demonstration

how that can happen
'cause I can turn

from this species into another.

Let me show you.

Step over there on the other
side of my gorillas gas.

Teller created this gorilla gas,

which helps my DNA reformulate.

I just have to take a hit of it,

and already I start to change.

See, Alyson,
already I feel different.

And... ahh!
I'm turning into a gorilla.

The species is
actually changing.

But I don't want
to hurt you, Alyson.

And I will
as I become more animal.

So lock me in this cage.
Lock me in this cage, Alyson.

I don't want to hurt you,
but I will.

Lock it,
and then go in the chair.

- Okay.
- Alyson, go in the chair.

- Okay, okay, I'm trying!
- Protect yourself, Alyson!

- I'm trying!
- Protect yourself!

- Okay!
- Better go... I'm changing!

I'm changing!
Teller, the drums!

Teller, the drums!
I feel it, I feel it!

Teller, the drums!
Teller, the drums!

I feel it!
I feel it!

I feel it!
I can feel myself...

♪ ♪

Argh!

♪ ♪

- Get... ahh!

- It's okay, Alyson!
I'm right here!

I'm right here, Alyson.
Only my hand changed.

Only my hand changed.
I'm all right.

That's just Teller.

Don't worry
about anything there.

Alyson, that was just Teller.

Just my hand.
It's just a glove, Alyson.

- Okay, all right.
Well, we gotta go.

But we'll have another
amazing night of magic

for you all when
"Fool Us" returns.

Good night!
- Good night!