01x07 - What Happens in AC

[bunniefuu]

Mike! Mike!

There's three crazy girls
in the front right now.

Mike brought home
these creatures

That he didn't
want to hang out with.

So when
I tell 'em to leave,

This one girl starts
charging me

Like a [bleep] hippo.

[Overlapping shouts]

Yo, yo, yo!

Now my face
is f*cked up again.

I am done with mike's sh*t.

I am done with him
bringing these girls here.

This is vinny.
That's my sister.

Hi.
Hi.

I been talkin'
to the situation's sister.

She's a cute girl,

And she grew on me
a little bit.

Vinny knows
not to push it too far,

Or I'm gonna throw him
in my trunk.

Everyone's having
a good time,

And I see sammi and ronnie
once again secluded,

And it's really, like,
getting to me.

You and ronnie
need to live it up.

Honestly,
that's how we all feel.

We talked about it.

Snooki says that
everybody in the house

Thinks that me and ronnie
don't go out,

Which is not true at all.

That pisses me off.
I'm always out.

We just all need to have,
like, a family meeting

And say what the f*ck
we want to say.

I'm not from staten island,
bro, actually.

I knew that the guy
wanted to fight,

And sammi was just, like,
antagonizing it.

What's wrong?
Stop!

First of all,
if you're 30 years old...

When ronnie pushed me,
it just went downhill.

Here we go, f*ck!

Ronnie just got
into a fight on the boardwalk?

Come on.
Help!

What happened?

Ronnie looks f*cked up.
His eye's swollen.

Where's sam?

I don't give a f*ck.

Ronnie, stop!

Apparently I caused this,

Whish is bullshit,
'cause I didn't.

[Tearfully]
you just traumatized me.

[get crazy by lmfao]

Dj pauly d.

I'm going to the jersey shore,
b*tch!

All right,
we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch
you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

After I have sex with a guy,
I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny! Go, vinny!

Um, hello!

Yay!

[Upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

I don't care?

Did you just see
what I do for you?

Look at my face.

I did not mean
to push you, sam.

No man will ever
touch me like that ever twice.

But why-
you know what?

Why did you have to say
something to him?

I am sorry your face
looks like this.

I will never be touched

The way I was touched
tonight ever.

Why do you think
I walked away?

You pushed me.

I'm sorry I touched you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.

I never meant
to touch you, sam.

I forgave ronnie,

And if he wants to punch
somebody, then punch somebody,

As long as it's not me.

Are you all right, girl?

Yeah.
Oh, my god.

Admittedly,
it was that b*stard

In the f*cking bar,
and I went off.

That's why I always
try to have everybody

Stay together if we can,
you know what I mean?

I would never have thought
you and sam

Would have got into a fight
with another couple.




Let me tell you
one more thing.

Is there a problem, like,
me hanging out with ronnie?

Is there a problem?
No.

'Cause snook said that
we need a family meeting

Because people in this house

Feel like me and ronnie
don't go out,

And we hang out together.

Apparently I'm
under the impression

Everybody in this house

Has something wrong
with me and ronnie.

From who?

Snick is telling me
everybody in this house

Got a problem
with me and ronnie.

Is there a problem?

All right, I'm gonna
be honest with you right now.

The only thing we care about
is gettin' girls,

Gettin' girls
and goin' to the gym.

[Laughs]

Everybody's like,
"I have no problems."

So I'm kinda like,
"what's goin' on here?"

I would like to know

Who the f*ck
is talkin' sh*t.

There is no way I was goin'
to sleep that night

Without hearin'
from snooki.

Family meeting, snick.

Remember you wanted
to have it, we're havin' it.

I have a family meeting
right now.

Come on, snick, before I yank
the f*cking duck out the wall.

Who's sayin'
that they have a problem

With me and sam, like?

I didn't say everybody.
I didn't say everybody.

Yes, you did!

You said half the house.

So half the house
is sleeping.

So is it j.lo?

We want to hang out
with everybody.

It's the last, like,
two weeks.

We feel like everyone's
f*cking wimping out.

Who's we, though?
Who's we?

Everyone in the house.

Like, you two
are hanging out,

Like, vin's alone,

Me and j.
And, like, you two.

So it's you and j.?

There's only-
we're just saying...

Like, we're not talking-
shut the f*ck up.

We're not talking sh*t
about anybody.

We're just saying there's
two more weeks.

What are we gonna do?

We don't want to break up
anymore.

We all want everyone
to hang out together.

That's understandable,

And sam took it
out of context

And was mad
at me and pauly.

I'd come to the conclusion

My roommates
are talkin' sh*t.

Jen feels the same way.

Like, we talked
about it.

All right, so next time
I have a meeting,

I'll say me and jen
feel this way.

You should have
said it before.

'Cause you f*cking told me
everybody in this house

Was talking about me
and hated me.

I was kind of getting,
like, annoyed with sammi,

Because, like, the way, like,
she, like, talks sometimes,

Like, she can be
a real b*tch,

And she doesn't even,
like, realize it.

It's like I want to
f*cking hang out with you,

And if you're gonna be pissed
off at the fact

That I'm pissed off
that you guys leave, so be it.

We're not pissed off.

When you say sh*t
like that,

You're startin' a commotion,
like, then just say,

You know, maybe we should all
start hangin' out more.

Don't be, like, "people
in the house think that..."

Like, I can't f*cking juggle

Everyone
in this f*cking house!

I am not used to this
at all!

I'm not used to it.

No one's yelling at you.
No one's puttin' you down.

This is crazy.

[Subdued music]

♪ ♪

I say let's hate
them too.

I honestly think snooki
or jenni's jealous

'Cause I hang out with ronnie
and have a good thing going.

Just girl drama
that I don't even like,

That I don't even involve
myself in.

So I get up in the morning,

And I confront j.lo
in the back.

Yo, snick is just
sayin' that

Everyone's got a problem
with me and sam

Spendin' so much time
together,

And everyone in the house
is gettin' mad.

She's like,
"who said it?"

And then she was like,

"Well, the only people
that would say it

"Is either mike and, you
know, or f*cking jenni,

Because, you know,
pauly doesn't talk."

I'm glad snooki
did what she did.

Ron did a 180
being with sam.

And I think sam just, like,
drills it in his head,

"Me, me, me, me, me,"
like about me.

'Cause the first two weeks,
me and ron were cool as sh*t.

She told me
we need a family meeting,

But I told her last night,
walking home, I said,

"We should be able
to do our own thing."

You two are a couple.
Who cares?

So snick was stirring
sh*t up, man.

All she said was,
"we need a family meeting.

We need a family meeting."

All right,
so it's her then.

I just want to make sure
of that, you know what I mean?

And it was snickers
the whole time,

Just her drunk a*s
just causing problems.

I don't confide in nobody.

Jenni and snook
are acting shady.

I don't know
what's going on,

But it's like,
"don't play games with me."

At all.

Sam?
Yeah, I'm up here.

I'm so sorry if I made you
upset last night.

It's okay.

Like, you don't understand.

I realize that we
have two weeks left.

I just want
everyone to hang out.

It was kind of like you and
jenni were the only two left.

You guys were talkin'
mad sh*t.

No, it started like-
we don't talk sh*t at all.

All I wanted to say
to sammi and ronnie

Was, you know, we only have
a couple of weeks left,

And I want to hang out
with you guys... That's all.

And I guess I said
the wrong sh*t.

We're just saying, like...

Me, you, and jenni
should talk.

Like, honestly,
let's... All three of us.

When snooki, like,
apologized,

Pretty much I was, like,
all right, let's go down

And say it
in front of jenni too.

Don't just say it
in front of me.

I don't trust anybody.

Like, you have to
gain your trust with me.

You don't just get it.

I'm just freakin' out
'cause we have two weeks.

I'm starting to, like,
really love all of you,

And I just want to,
like, hang out.

You know what I mean?

If I said it the wrong way,
made you upset, I'm sorry.

You did.
I was fuming.

I'm sorry.

I just feel like them leaving
all the time

And just being together

That they're missing
this whole experience.

Like, I understand
you like each other,

But for now,
hang out with the whole group,

And let's just go wild.

Like, let's just
blow it out of the water.

You were saying sh*t
about jenni, like,

When it wasn't
even like...

"We need a family meeting"?
What is this?

No, I just wanted to talk
to everybody, that's all.

You made it seem like
everybody had something to say.

Yeah, I know, I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry.

It's over with.
It's whatever.

I'm sorry.

This girl's bangin' mike
in the hot tub.

Hey!

Once he walks through
that door, I'm punchin' him.

I'm like, "do it."

Ohh!

[Upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

Tonight pauly d is doing
a special guest appearance.

Pauly's spinnin',
the music's awesome,

So everybody's
so excited.

Snickers is with a guy.

Vinny's hookin' up
with his girl.

I'm hookin' up with my girl.
We're havin' fun.

Awesome night.

[Upbeat dance music]

♪ ♪

This is the third time
I hung out with tanya,

And it was kind of
a bigger issue

The first time I met tanya,

Because danny was
chillin' with her that night,

And everybody was
bothering me

For hangin' out with her,

'Cause they felt that
I took her from danny's arms.

You were sayin', like,
how hot I was.

Like, I really don't care.

I meet this guy
at the bar.

First off,
I see muscles,

So I'm, like, okay, like,
this guy's my type,

But he's, like, irish,

And he talks like a cowboy.

I always go
for the italian guys,

So it's weird for me
to like him.

I just want to be
a veterinarian,

Have my own practice,
and that's what I want.

Paula was my date.

She was really cute.

I had met paula the week
or so before at karma.

Girl can shake it.

Drop it
like it's hot, girl.

[Indistinct], baby.

All right, one kiss.

All right.

Where we goin'?

Once we left the bar,

On the walk home,

I believe
we were pretty cute,

And we might have been
holdin' hands possibly.

I will give you
a towel.

Do you need shorts, a shirt?
What do you need?

I just need to be up
by 7:00 tomorrow morning.

And I grabbed
the champagne

And jumped in the jacuzzi.

My hair's so-[laughs]

I gotta wake you up.

[Laughing]

If you look at me,

You think I'm,
like, a stuck-up b*tch,

But yet,
like veterinarian,

Like, that's my zone.

Like, I f*ck',
like, save animals.

Like, that's what I do.

Like, I think about school,
and I'm like, "oh!"

Like, I come
to the jersey shore

And party whenever the f*ck
I want.

But the fact that I'm missing
my last semester for this?

It's really f*cking
irritating me.

The biggest risk in life
is not taking a risk.

He's a nice guy.

He's like a guy
that I deserve.

I don't deserve
a jerk-off.

I've been with goats,
sheep, cows, horses, that's all.

I delivered a friggin' calf
from a cow.

Hey, I praise
you for that.

How many guidos
can do that?

I'm not a guido.
I'm a guidette.

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Are you makin' out
with other girls?

Like you? No.

No, no, not really.

Like, right now?

No, like, I've never
laid on a hammock with a girl,

Like, brought
a girl back to the...

I don't think I've ever
had a guest back to the house.

'Cause I'm not,
like, a man-wh*re,

Like, bringin' home
girls like that.

Yeah, I really don't need
another man-wh*re in my life.

I look over,
and this girl's bangin' mike

In the hot tub.

I don't know if she's using

Any f*cking protection.

Like, it's bad.

Oh, what the f*ck?

Hey!

Ew! What are you doin'?

You know what,

Snooki just comes
out of the woodwork.

I'm like, "dude, come on."

This is totally
ruining my night right now.

Thud!

[Laughing]

Oh, my god!

Hey, that's cool.

Do you really
want to lay down right now?

I'm following you
right now.

You want to snuggle?

[Kissing]

I like you.

I got to know keith.
He's a nice frickin' guy.

Like, he would do anything
for a girl.

You like to get
your way, don't you?

Maybe.

Maybe?

Me and keith
start making out.

We didn't have sex.
I don't know why.

[Laughs]

But if I had to have sex
with one person here,

It would probably be him,

Because I know
he's a nice guy.

He's gotta be clean.

You always get your way,
don't you?

Uh-huh.

Michael!

Paula
is really, really cute,

And just because there was
a situation in the jacuzzi,

That's what happens
down at the shore.

Wild.

[Dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[Pounding at door]

When there was
knockin' on the door,

I was like, it's either
the police for me...

[Pounding at door]

This is
either some lawyer...

[Pounding at door]

Or somebody's dad,
somebody's brother.

I was like, oh, man.

Hey. Is paula here?

Oh, sh*t.

She's f*cking ridin' you
like a f*cking donkey!

You have no game at all.

That's not what
your sister thinks.

[Laughing]

Can I have a roll, please?

Don't worry.
You got a couple.

You're a d*ck, bro.

[Subdued music]

♪ ♪

[Pounding at door]

I slowly got up,
and I was like,

"Somebody's knockin'
on our door."

Just wakin' up, I hear,
like, a noise, like a pounding,

And I thought somebody
was moving the furniture

Or couch or something.

I realized somebody's
pounding on the door.

Is paula here?

She's askin' for paula,
the chick mike's with.

And, um, we're like,

"All right,
that's f*cking weird."

Yo.

You missed
your first day at work.

No, I know.

So you decided
to go back to bed?

Your mom, your brother,
your whole f*cking family's

Been calling me
since 9:00 this morning.

Your mom's hysterical,

Doesn't know what the f*ck
happened to you.

I get here.
I don't see your car.

My car's over at karma.

You told your mom you were
gonna be gone for an hour

And you weren't drinking,
paula.

Yeah, I thought that.

Then I woke up,
like, f*ck' it.

Well, can we go get
your sh*t? Let's go.

I told your mom
I wasn't leaving without you.

So can we do this,
please?

Yeah.

Where you goin', bro?

Shower.

I was like,
"oh, sh*t, man.

I don't want to hear
this drama right now,"

So I immediately went upstairs
in the shower.

You don't know
what you have?

No, I had my clothes.

Who was in here
with you?

You sure
they're in this room?

You don't want
your clothes?

You're just gonna leave
your clothes in their house?

Okay.

I don't feel bad.
It's not my problem.

Like, I don't even give a f*ck.

I just wanted to know
who the f*ck

Was bangin'
on my door like that.

That's actually mike's
problem; he took her home.

[Laughing]

Wow!

[Pauly laughing]

Too funny, bro.

Can you write down
your cell phone number?

You got a pencil and paper?

You're not gonna find
another guy like keith

At the jersey shore,

So I'm not gonna fall
in love at the jersey shore

Unless it's with keith.

I do want to have sex
with him.

I'm saving myself
for a cowboy.

Yo, ronnie, tanya
is getting pauly

To spin that bamboo.

Those are the kind of girls

I bring home, bro.
Ohh!

If you're gonna watch me
the whole time

While I'm in the jacuzzi
with some girl...

Did you go in the shower
afterwards

And play with yourself?

There was some creepers,
believe it or not.

I heard vinny
was on the hammock

Or somewhere
most of the time.

Vinny just wishes
he was me.

It's just a little creepy

That you stayed there
and watched me.

I was on the f*cking hammock!

What'd you want me
to get up and leave?

Bro, I couldn't
f*cking get up!

She's f*cking ridin' you

Like a f*cking
donkey ride, bro!

You are just sexually
frustrated, and it's okay.

Let it out
in the shower.

Bro, you're
f*cking 27 years old.

I would never want to be
like you when I'm 27.

Really?
Yeah.

You have no game at all.

Really? That's
not what your sister thinks.

Oh, stop.
You know what, my sister...

I did the introduction.

I put in, like,
the good word

To say that you were
a good kid.

I didn't realize that
you're such a c*cksucker.

[Laughing]

Really.

[Upbeat rock music]

♪ Now now, but right now ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Not now, but right now ♪

♪ ♪

We're gonna get
the party started at karma.

Mike's sister,
melissa, is here,

Hangin' out with us
for the second time.

I think that she might
have a crush on me, so...

Music's pumpin',
we're dancin',

We're drinkin',

And it's gonna be
a wild night.

♪ ♪

I was having fun,
like, on my own,

But I definitely, like,
wanted to, like, find ronnie,

And, like,
see what he was doing.

But ronnie's nowhere
to be found.

I couldn't find him,

And then I'm, like,
a little worried about him.

I kind of noticed that ronnie
was talkin' to a girl.

I don't think it would be
a bad thing

If sam saw that,
but, um, I guess we'll find out.

[Laughs]

I see ronnie
talking up some girl.

I was like,
"what's going on?"

Like, I was pissed.

I don't like to be played.

I don't like to be,
like...

Like, thinking I'm a fool,
'cause I'm not.

The whole ronnie
and sam situation

May be crumbling
as we speak.

It's only a matter of time
before she's gonna

Pull the eject button.

Were you?

Mike is, um...
He's a creepy m*therf*cker.

I mean, at this point,

You're lucky I don't crack you
in your face right now.

Mike needs to get over it,

Because he thinks that
sam is still fair game

And that he still has
a chance,

And it's not gonna happen.

I met this real, real,
real hot israeli girl, danielle.

She seems to be, like,
a really cool chick,

So, I mean, I don't know.

I'm up for anything
just to see how it goes.

I'm not going anywhere?

Melissa definitely
likes me.

And the fact
that she's mike's sister

Just makes it
so much better,

'Cause on top of it,
me and mike have

A little bit of tension
between us,

So the fact that I have his
sister under my arm and sh*t?

It's the f*cking
funniest thing.

[Laughing]

[Dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Then I notice
tanya walks in,

And this is a little bit
of a bad situation.

I pretty much left
mike's sister

To hang out with tanya.

Why did you leave without
waitin' for me today?

You know what? I feel
a little upset with vinny,

Because
my baby sister's there,

And she's, like, number one
in my life, no matter what,

And I need to say somethin'
to vinny.

Mike, you watchin'?

He needs to get his sh*t
handed to him.

You're a d*ck, bro.

[Hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

Vinny's on my list.

I'm a little pissed at him
because he's not, like,

Taking care of my sister.

All right.

Wait, what?

Vinny knows that I have
a short fuse,

That I'm gonna flip out.

He knows that I'm
the man of the house

And that not to push it
too far.

[Laughter]

♪ Talk, talk, talk
or shut your mouth ♪

♪ A little kiss, kiss, kiss,
come on, help me out ♪

♪ Desperate times
call for desperate measures ♪

♪ And desperate desires
lead to desperate pleasures ♪

♪ You know ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, you know
don't you ♪

Get over here.

Mike's sister was
definitely a "for sure" thing,

So I think that's why
I chose that route.

[Indistinct].
Get over here.

Where's your creepy brother?

Nothing.
I'm sitting on your lap.

What am I doing?
Nothing.

Stop! You're tickling me.

Ooh! Mike, you watching?

What the f*ck
is going on out there?

Can I have another kiss
on the cheek?

You should come see
the holy land.

It's beautiful.

I'll get beat up.

It's jerusalem, dude.

I'm catholic, dude.

I love my-
I love being jewish,

So I'm just not
gonna answer it.

I don't even understand
that religion, what it is.

I just want to
get to the business.

Pauly d...

[Man singing in hebrew]

It's almost impossible
to hook up with this girl.

I love a challenge,
so if I do that,

That'll be my accomplishment
for the summer.

Explain to her, bro, please.
It's cool.

No.

Come on, honestly, mike,
tell her the truth, bro.

Did you tell me ronnie
was talking to a girl tonight?

I'm gonna tell you
the truth.

It was like, f*ck',
like, 50 yards away.

It could've been
a group of people.

Oh, my god.

Mike pretty much said
that he saw me

Flirting with another girl,

And when me and sam
confronted him about it,

He froze up,
and he was like,

"Uhhh, I might've saw it.

I don't know... There was
a lot of people there."

So I think he was just full of
sh*t, to be honest with you.

She was upset in the club.

Then I go, "where's ronnie,
where's ronnie?"

She was upset.
She was very upset.

And I actually tried
to calm her down,

And she didn't even want to...

She didn't even want
to talk to me.

I mean,
at this point, mike,

I'm just kind of
like, "whatever."

I'm not friends
with fake people,

So I mean, you know,

He kind of sunk his own ship
with that one.

Because we were far away.

The situation
is going to sleep.

Can you tell her
she's perfectly fine

To sleep over there?

Sleep over where?
In sam's bed.

Oh, sam said it's all good.
It's all good in the hood.

[Pauly chuckles]

I don't want her sleeping
downstairs with vinny.

I mean, come on now.
No, that's not happening.

Where the f*ck's
vinny at right now?

Just shut the f*ck up,

'Cause no one likes you
in the house.

I didn't see you, girl.
Can I have a roll, please?

Don't worry.
You got a couple.

[Rock music]

Vinny was hooking up
with some chick.

I pulled the robbery move
on him.

Yo, how does my d*ck
taste, bro?

She has my saliva
in her mouth.

Congratulations
on my sloppy seconds, my man.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

I think that my sister
hooked up with vinny,

To be honest with you,
last night.

She hooked up with him
the other night.

She did?
Yeah.

Nobody told me.

[Laughter]

Nobody told me.

I'm pumped to go
to atlantic city.

A.c. Tonight.
Yes, a.c. Tonight.

Leave like 4:30, 5:00.

We're gonna rock
that sh*t out

Like we do
every other place.

A club outfit
and a regular outfit.

For tonight and then to
wear something home.

But I'm bringing options.

What I hope to happen in a.c.
Is just have a good time.

Hoping that everybody
looks good,

Hoping that everybody has fun.
No drama.

I like my clothes
like my women: options.

You like your girls
like your underwear: dirty.

[Laughter]

Packing too much stuff.
Yeah, you are.

Like I always do.
We're going for one night.

[Hard rock music]

It's fun. You'll love it.

It's gonna be wild!

[Snoring]

[Mock sobbing]

Within the hour
that we're there,

Everyone just falls asleep
and takes naps.

I'm like, okay,
what the f*ck am I gonna do?

I think we need more bubbles.

f*ck my life.
Seriously, f*ck my life.

[Ragtime piano music]

Aah!

[Hot tub shuts off]
oh! What I do?

I touch something?
[Hot tub starts up]

Hey! All righty.

Cheers, everyone...
In this hot tub.

This feels
like a porno, honestly.

What kind of name
is situation, man?

Once I woke up,

Everybody started
getting dressed for dinner.

I gotta iron my shirt.

Damn, snooks, you got
the girls out tonight?

We all look nice.

Yo, vin, you think
the white shirt, dude,

Or this one?

I believe
I changed my clothes

About four or five times

Because I wasn't necessarily
happy with my outfit.

You know, I want to
look good when I go out.

Put it on, you walk out

Like you're in a fashion show.

I think mike
has insecurity issues,

But at the same time,
I think the c*ck

Is just to try to cover
the insecurity issues.

I don't know one guy
that changes his shirt

Three times
before he goes out.

Cheers, guys.
Atlantic city, baby.

A.c., Beautiful dinner.
Beautiful people.

I'm having the time
of my life.

Like I'm really enjoying a.c.

And then, um, now
the sh*t talking starts.

So did your mom
lay that outfit out for you

Or did you pick that out
yourself?

I didn't start
with you, so...

Hitting him with
the polo shirt, golf course.

[Chuckling]

He's getting ready
for the tour.

You want a bib?

He's getting ready
for the pga golf tour.

Shut up, mike.
[Laughter]

Go change your skirt, bro.

Go change my skirt?

[Chuckles]

I have, like, a*mo

On every single one
except pauly right now.

Like, as soon as somebody
says something,

It's like, bing!

I got some good stuff
on everybody right now.

I'm ready.

Tonight you know
his eyebrows

Are gonna weigh him
down tonight.

The unibrow is gonna
weigh him down tonight.

What, the unibrow's natural?

I don't grow anything
in my middle.

I like your unibrow.

Calm down, popeye.

Big arms, little body!
[Laughter]

Yo, don't keep going,

'Cause I got a lot of a*mo
on you guys up here.

[Chuckles]

Look at snooki.

She's not even happy
right now.

Where did snicks go?
Did she leave?

No, she's right there.
[Mike snorts]

Go f*ck yourself, mike,
honestly.

I didn't see you, girl.

What happened was jenni-
you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I don't like you.
I don't like you.

Don't even get me
started, snicks.

Really?

I couldn't
hold back anymore.

Like, it's been building
up in me,

Like, my anger towards him.

He pisses me off
all the time,

And he pisses
everyone else off.

You're f*cking annoying,
like seriously.

I am.
Just shut the f*ck up,

'Cause no one likes you
in the house.

Really? Oh!

Oh, my god. Snicks is getting
hard right now.

You're getting serious
right now.

Don't f*ck with me.
You piss me off all day.

What did you say?
Can I have a roll, please?

Don't worry.
You got a couple.

That was f*cked up.

Honestly,
what you just said,

You deserve to get punched
in the face.

You don't call a girl fat.

I couldn't believe
he said that.

Mikey, please.

Don't leave.
Don't leave.

She was going back and forth.
What do you want me to do?

Snickers, don't leave.

You're a d*ck, bro.

You're a d*ck.

Dude, she's going back
and forth.

[Sighs]
f*ck me.

By mike insulting snickers,
I wanted to make sure

That she didn't take it
to heart.

It's coming from him.

It's coming from, like,

One of the biggest
d*uche bags I ever met.

No guy says that
to a girl.

But look at him.

He honestly doesn't care

About anybody
but him-f*cking self.

I hate him.
I hate him.

Listen, you don't have
to hate on me.

Stop. Just stop.

I got a little upset when
she said, "nobody likes you,"

So I hit somebody back
real quick.

Just shut up, mike,
and just listen to me.

She said, "nobody likes you
in the house."

Mike, I don't-
I don't care. Just stop.

Mike didn't even have
the audacity

To go after her
and apologize.

He sat there.

Go apologize, bro.

I'll wait
till she comes back.

That was wrong, bro.
Go apologize.

It was wrong.

I feel like this is, like,
his defense mechanism

To just go after a girl
about her weight.

Like that's, like,
what he knows.

What, do you got the game plan

Of embarrassing
a female at dinner?

Don't get at her weight, bro.

That's just wrong, bro.

I think for a guy
to actually comment

On a girl's weight,

You're kind of going
for a low blow.

You don't understand.

Like, in high school,
I was, like, 70 pounds.

I'd never eat at all.

And for you... That's a f*cking
sensitive subject.

In high school,
I had eating problems.

I would have a cr*cker a day
and say, like, "I'm full."

I have never had
so much anger for anybody

Ever in my f*cking life.

He needs to get his sh*t
handed to him.

I wanted to stab him
in the f*cking eyeball

With my fork.

Oh, my god.

Let's go upstairs.

She got kicked out of the club

Like a piece of trash
that she is.

When he comes in here,
I'm punching him in the face.

I'm gonna knock him
the f*ck out.

Oh!
Oh!

♪ ♪

[Weeps and sniffles]

What's wrong?

I'm concerned
about snickers' eating habits

From here on out.

I don't want her to do anything
drastic to herself.

You're better than that.
Look at you.

Don't let people like that
get to you.

No, he totally, like, ruined
this whole thing.

I had a problem with this
in high school.

I just got over it,
like, a year ago.

I had to go to f*cking
therapy for it,

And now it's brought up again.

Snooki doesn't even want
to eat.

Now she feels
like her weight's a problem.

Mike should never done that.

Like, look at what
you're doing now.

You look perfect
the way you are.

No, I can lose
a few pounds.

So can i.
Anybody in the world can.

No, I can lose 15 pounds.

Am I f*cking fat?

Like, am I gross-looking?

I was like, wow, like,
I should stop eating.

Like, all this sh*t just,
like, came back into my head.

I'm sorry.

Snicks is harmless,

And I didn't mean
to make her upset.

She's a nice girl.

I have, like,
a quick trigger...

No, that's so-
I'm wrong.

I'm wrong. I said it.
I'm wrong.

Can I just speak?
Yeah.

That's so low.

I'm sorry.
So low.

I'm sorry.
I apologize.

Like, I understand
you're sorry, whatever,

But you still said it.

The fact that you said it,
you know,

That makes you
a real scum bag.

Like, I had a eating disorder.

It's not cool.

I know, I know.
It's not.

It's not cool.
It's not.

You need to watch
what you say.

You're very rude
with the way that you talk.

I promise
I'll be with you all night,

Whatever you need,
okay?

I promise.
We'll make up tonight.

No, honestly,
I don't trust you.

We'll make up tonight.
We'll make up tonight.

I believe she started
to forget about it,

And I actually was
fooling around with her

On the way
to the elevator.

I'm sorry.
[Laughing] I don't like you.

I'm sorry.
Get off.

By the time
we got to the club,

It was somewhat forgotten.

[Hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

Me and jwoww get
on the couch,

And we just started dancing,
having a good time.

[Laughter]

♪ ♪

Providence, atlantic city,

If you're having some fun,
make some noise.

I find a guy.

He was hot.
I was happy.

We danced all night,

Maybe grinding
a little bit too provocative.

It's a.c., b*tch.

What happens in the a.c.
Stays in the a.c.

I never had girls
just run up

To me like this before.

And they were all hot.

One of them,
who I probably thought

Was one
of the cutest girls there,

Like, you know, fake boobs,
nice butt,

Stomach showing,
she said she was a model,

So I'm like, all right, cool.

♪ ♪

Vinny was hooking up
with some chick,

And I didn't even know
he was hooking up with a chick.

I just seen him with her.

And for some reason,
I think he went

To the bathroom probably...

I pulled a robbery move
on him.

I even asked her, like,

"Did you hook up
with my boy vinny?"

She was like, "no, no."
And she probably did.

But it didn't matter
to me.

I was having fun for the night.

I look over.
Mike's hooking up with her.

And it's just, like,
so grimy.

Like, she has my saliva
in her mouth.

Like, I want to know
how do I taste.

So she ditched the zero
and went with the hero,

I guess, for the night.

♪ Two hearts
in the night ♪

♪ Underneath the stars ♪

♪ Two hearts on fire ♪

♪ Hold me in your arms ♪

♪ You and I
will never be apart ♪

Me and sam actually leave
around, like, 4:00.

I mean, I couldn't take it
anymore.

You know what I mean?

Like, we've been here
since 12:00.

Five hours is, like, enough.

[Retches]

I-i actually got sick
in the bathroom.

And it was over, like,
a mixture of things...

Between the wine, champaign,
vodka, and, like, the food.

I told mike... You know,
I was, like, begging him...

I was, like, "please,
I just got sick.

I need your help."

I was, like, "I'm not leaving
right now.

I'm with this girl
right here."

Jenni, she's, like,
"I'm about to fight the girl

That you're with right now."

I'm just, like, "what?

Are you serious right now?"

She smacks me in the back
of the head at the club.

And I'm, like, "what?

Are you... Are you serious
right now?"

She got kicked out
of the club

Like a piece of trash
that she is.

Like, I was just so mad.

Like, wait till you get
back home.

Like, wait till you get back
over to the hotel room.

I just kept seeing his face
of, like, that smirk...

Of, like, "ha ha,
like, you got kicked out."

He had the bouncers
escort me out.

So when he comes in here,
I'm punching him in the face.

Who brought you home?
Myself!

I'm gonna knock him
the f*ck out.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

Mike got in my face-
was, like, "bye."

I was, like, "really?

I'm getting kicked out
right now?"

Said "I'll see you upstairs."

The club closes in, uh...




Apparently
jenni got kicked out

For, like, slapping mike
in the face.

Once he walks through
that door, I'm punching him.

That's it.
I'm going to bed.

I'm, like, "do it.
Like, he deserves it."

Let's go. This way.

I was happy that I found
actually a hot guy.

You know,
we danced all night.

I was, like, "oh, sh*t.

I'm gonna get some a*s
tonight."

Let's go. Let's go.
You're belligerent. Let's go.

I'm not belligerent.

But obviously
that didn't happen.

f*ck me, right?
f*ck me.

Wha. [Chuckles]

Yo, how do I taste, bro?
That's what I want to know.

Yo, how does my d*ck taste,
bro?

I wanted to make sure
that they knew

That mike didn't take this girl
from me.

I gave her away
as my sloppy seconds.

Obviously you didn't
taste good enough.

Didn't stick around.

Just let me know
how I taste, bro.

Especially after I f*cking
just made out with her

Two seconds ago.

Bro, I got her,
and I passed her over to you.

Congratulations
on my sloppy seconds.

I committed the robbery.
Yeah, you committed a robbery.

I committed the robbery.

You know, you better grab
your girl tight when I'm around

'Cause, uh, I know
she's grilling me.

My sloppy seconds, bro.
Congratulations.

The robbery was committed.
Who are you?

You're a little upset
right now.

Oh!

Oh, what are you doing?
f*cking club.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you need
to chill the f*ck out.

Chill the f*ck out.

The f*ck kicked me
out of the club.

Get the f*ck out of here.
What are you doing?

Get him off me.

You got to be kidding me
right now.

You gonna try to hit me?

I was hooking up
with some girl tonight

Just like I do every night.
Get off me.

You need to chill
the f*ck out of here.

Get off me!

Are you gonna punch me
in the face?

He kicked me out of the club.
I kicked you out of the club?

Get off me.
Get the f*ck out of here.

Oh!
Oh!

See what I'm saying?
Good night.