05x10 - One Meatball Stands Alone

[bunniefuu]

Do you like joey?
Yeah.

'Cause I heard
some crazy sh*t.

I thought he was
a little sketchy at first.

Can we just
not talk about it?

The girls are just pissing me
off with the whole joey thing.

Like, don't, like,
try and rain on my parade.

If you're somebody who listens
to what everybody says,

Then I don't want to talk
to you in general.

I'm not,
but I have to ask you.

I'm gonna go over here.

That's fine.
You do what you want.

[Police siren chirps]

Every time I'm ready
to drop the b*mb on jionni,

Something happens.

There's no god damn way
that this kid

Just walked in front
of me.

This is my moment.

Yo, can I talk to you
for a second?

[get crazy by lmfao]

Dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going to
jersey shore, b*tch!

All right,
we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch
you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

After I have sex with a guy,
I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny! Go, vinny!

You like the boobs?

Come here.
It's, like, kind of private.

Snooki cheated
on jionni with me,

And now it's time
to set the truth free

And see what happens.

I'm gonna try to make this,
like, really quick

And, like,
f*cking painless as possible,

Because I think you're
a f*cking good-a*s kid.

And, like, I can't look you
in the face every day

And have a shot and have a drink
and you not know.

Like, a couple months ago,

f*cking right before
we went to italy,

Um, you were still
going out with nicole.

I don't know if you heard
the rumors about me and her.

Well, like,
as a man, like...

I wanna tell you it did.

I would want to know

If something like that
happened to me.

My boy unit
was hooking up with ryder

When, all of a sudden,
nicole walked in,

And she saw them hooking up,
and it was really quick, and...

But I'm being honest.
You know what I mean?

I had to... I wanted to-
I wanted to tell you.

I mean,
do you respect that?

Yeah, no, thank you.

Because between
me and you, like,

You know, as a man,
you want to know,

"Hey, did this happen,
or didn't it?"

However you want
to take it from here,

You take it,
and you act on it.

No, thank you. Sure thing.
All right.

Thank you, buddy.

You take it
how you want to take it.

f*cking-
and... And... And that's it.

You know what I mean?

Another man tells you
that your girl cheated on you,

And you say nothing at all.

That's ridiculous.

That just shows
that you don't care about her.

Did you sleep all right?

Yes.

I'm laughing about something.

Pshh.

Come here.
I got to tell you something.

Mike just talked to me.

Huh?

He told me you guys hooked up,
and it's not...

It's not a rumor,
and it was true.

What?

What'd he say?

That you guys hooked up
and it wasn't a rumor.

I'm not going to deal
with that right now.

I don't care, though.

I didn't care.
I didn't believe him.

Jionni should believe
my story,

Because I'm telling the truth.

And if he did believe mike,
I'd be like,

"Okay, you believe a stranger
that you don't even know

And not your girlfriend."

He's f*cking annoying
for doing that.

I was laughing.

No, 'cause he's trying
to get a rise out of you.

Did I rise?

Did you?

Stop!
[Both laugh]

He's a f*cking loser.
Oh.

[Groovy music]

♪ ♪

You're up early, girl.
What time is it?


Oh, my god, it's only 11:00.

Jesus, take the wheel.

Well, I just want a little time
with jionni, you know?

Come with me.

Me and your dad
were dancing.

He's like,
"jionni's gonna k*ll me,"

I'm like, "yeah, he is."

I am.

So jionni comes walking
in the kitchen.

I'm like,
"dude, I gotta talk to you."

I'm like, uh,
"unit was banging ryder,"

And I'm like,
"snooki walked in,

And next thing you know it,"
I'm like, "that's what up."

I'm like,
"you heard the rumors, right?"

He's like, "yeah."

But I'm like, uh,
"do you respect me?"

He's like, "I respect you."

He's like,
"thank you for telling me."

And that was it? [Coughs]
that was it.

And that was it?
That was it.

It's like, "how are you doing,
jionni, this morning?

"Bacon, egg, and cheese,
your girl blew me.

Okay, awesome."

Mike told him... Told him-
jionni the truth.

I just saw jionni and nicole,
and they seem fine.

What'd he say?
Um...

He thanked me
and shook my hand,

And he said, "I respect you,
and I agree with you."

It was kind of weird
that jionni didn't react.

If my boyfriend heard that news,
he would be bugging out.

I don't think he told her yet.
None of my business.

So I don't know if he does
really care about nicole.

I don't know.

Let's go eat.
Could we go eat?

Is this where
you always do your makeup?

No.

Yo. [Whistles]
don't say anything.

What do you mean...?
I didn't do nothing to you.

I asked you
not to say anything.

Just to let you know,

I'm never gonna be friends
with you ever again.

Nicole.

I didn't do anything
to you, snooks. I didn't.

Really?
You just told my boyfriend

We hooked up
a month before italy.

I can't keep dapping up
and, like...

Go f*ck yourself.
I don't give a f*ck anymore.

Nicole, just stop.
I'm sorry, but like I said,

I can't, like, you know, like...
No, you're a crazy pants.

Look your boyfriend in the eye
and take shots and be friends

Knowing that
that happened.

That we hooked up
a month before italy?

Are you crazy?

Nicole,
I asked you to shut up.

Nicole, you'll thank me
at the end of the day,

'Cause everything's
out in the open,

And there's nothing to-
mike, get f*cking real.

Because now
there's nothing to hide.

There's nothing-
everything's out in the open.

There was nothing
ever to hide, you psycho.

Well, nothing anymore, yeah.
Nicole, stop.

I'm sure in a couple weeks,
we'll make up

And be friends
and it'll be fine.

Actually, no,
'cause I want you

To go f*cking die
and rot in a hole.

That's not very nice,
nicole.

I told you
not to say anything.

I don't give a f*ck.
Just be quiet.

Jionni is, like, a very, like,
conservative, quiet person,

And he doesn't like
to start arguments.

But me, I'm like,
I don't give a sh*t.

Like, I'm gonna
tell you how I feel.

Like, "f*ck you.
Get away from me."

Nicole!
[Laughs]

Stop, stop.

Pickle fight.

Whoa, chill out.

f*cking don't throw
those pickles; they're fresh.

[Laughs]

Jionni is so understanding
about mike saying,

"Oh, yeah, I had sex with
your girl. Blah, blah, blah."

Jionni knows
that it's not real.

So jionni's just like,
"bro, all right.

Thank you for telling me.
Blah, blah, blah."

All right,
we go about our day.

♪ Holding on
to headlines ♪

♪ The stories we lose ♪

Let's go to jimbo's!

So, vin,
I gotta talk to you, pal.

What, dog?

I kind of did something
this morning.

You did something
this morning?

Yeah, this morning.
What'd you do?

Jionni was in the kitchen
by himself,

And I kind of
went up to him

And gave him
blow-by-blow details.

What'd he say?

He shook my hand
and said, uh,

"Thank you for telling me.
I appreciate it."

And that was it.

And what'd snook say?

Snooks, uh, actually
took it pretty well too.

She was like,
"f*ck you. I hate you."

She threw a couple things at me
but nothing hard.

No wine bottles?
No wine bottles or spatulas.

She admitted
that she hooked up with you?

Uh, she didn't-
she didn't disagree.

Hold on.

In jionni's head right now...

He won't say this,
'cause he's a p*ssy, but...

[Laughs]
jesus.

"I don't give a sh*t
who she bangs.

I'm banging everybody
on my side anyway."

Exactly.

You know he's f*cking
other girls.

Yeah, he says that he
stays home six nights a week.

[Laughs]
I know.

He stays inside of girls
six nights a week.

While she's
bagging f*cking guys.

I rest my case.
That's why he don't care.

I think jionni took the news
so well only because

He knows snooki's hooking up

'Cause he's doing
the same damn thing.

Their relationship's
a joke.

They are meant to be.

He took it on the chin
just like she did.

Oh!
Oh-h*-h*-h*!

Oh!

[Laughs]
ouch!

[Screaming]

Okay, it's on
like donkey kong, b*tch.

Whoa!

Holy sh*t!
Yeah!

Camp-ing, camp-ing!

Whaa!

Oh, my god.
[Laughs]

I wanna be
with you forever.

Forever?
Yes.

If you can
handle me forever.

See you tomorrow.
[Blows raspberries]

Me and jionni
are getting married,

I feel, when he proposes.

And I don't know
when that is,

But he better do it,
like, within the future.

Love you.
Love you too.

Love you!
You didn't grab my boob.

Bye.

[Imitates revving tiny engine]

Yo, it's family
dinner time.

Onions and avocados.

- salut.

Is there any more
pepper left?

Pepper? Yeah.

[Belches]
'scuse me.

So I have a great idea.

What?
What?

We should all go camping
on wednesday.

Yay. That'd be fun.
Oh, yeah.

Do we have to?

You do that.
[Laughter]

Guidos don't camp.

I'm not a camper.
I never camped before.

But the summer's almost over.

I just think it would be fun
to do something

Totally out of our element.

I wanna go camping.
I wanna camp.

Boo!
Who's throwing sh*t?

Yeah, come on.

Hey! You threw
a hot dog at me!

I did not!

You threw a hot dog!

Holy sh*t.
[Laughs]

Somebody hit me in the head
with a hot dog!

[Laughs]

Mike, stop it!
Eew, stop!

Mike, put it down.
Mike!

[Screams]
oh!

Okay, it's on
like donkey kong, b*tch.

Holy sh*t!

That's what I'm talking about!
d*uche bag.

Yeah!
Where's the popcorn?

I wouldn't do
nothing gross like that.

Aah!

We just cleaned!

We just cleaned!
h*-h*-h*!

Come f*cking here, you b*tch.

Who smeared the hot dog?

Ugh!
[Laughs]

Ugh!

Stay back. Stay back.

Oh!
Oh!

Oh, she'll never get him.

[Laughing]
what? Oh, my god.

The food fight is not fun
anymore; it is personal.

Oh, cool.

I like.

Oh. He "ketchuped" her.

Oh, look at her hair.
Whoo-hoo.

[Grunts]

She didn't even get you.
No, she didn't.

Oh, sh*t.

I surrender!

Watch my freshies!
Watch my freshies!

[High-pitched scream]
[laughs]

Come outside.

Don't worry, kids.
I'll save you.

I wanna f*cking k*ll mike,
because he's rude,

He's untrusting,
and he's just a d*uche bag.

Come on.

Oh, that's scary.
That's so scary.

I'm not scared of you.
Oh, sh*t!

b*tch.
Oh, sh*t.

Holy sh*t.
Is it a fistfight?

No.

It definitely is getting real
serious between me and nicole.

Just the look
in that girl's eyes.

She looked like she's-
had the look of the devil.

She'll never catch him.

I need a*mo.
What else can I get?

Oh, smells like barbecue.

Nicole is not having fun.

I know it's gonna get ugly.
She's ready for w*r.

Hello.

Ooh, that was a nice one.

I'll show you
how it's done.

What are you doing?

Get outta my bed!

This has to be
the prank of all pranks.

Biggest prank we've ever
pulled in our life.

What the hell
did you guys do in here?

Hello.

Do you want some milk?
Yeah.

I just thought
you were thirsty, popeye.

You're scared of milk,
popeye?

f*cking loser.

You're scared of milk?

Ooh, that was a nice one.
That was a nice one.

Yeah, it was.
Thanks.

I'm in a food fight
with nicole right now,

And as usual, she's just
trying to push my buttons.

Well, you know what?
I'm not taking it.

You're taking it.

Listen, I can't hear you.
Your mouth is full.

Kinda like a-
another time.

What the f*ck
are you talking about?

I like jionni's c*ck
in my mouth, not yours!

What about vinny's?
I know you f*cked him too.

You are a great girlfriend.
You're a great girlfriend.

Not yours! I'd rather
f*ck vinny than you!

You f*cking idiot!
You're a good girlfriend.

All of a sudden,

My d*ck gets brought
into the conversation.

Like, what the f*ck
did we do?

I don't give a f*ck.

I know you don't
give a f*ck.

I'd rather f*ck vinny
than you any day!

That's why you
cheat on him all the time.

Once a cheater-
once a cheater...

I never cheated on him,
you f*cking moron!

Ugh. I'll show you
how it's done.

You know what? This is what
you get, m*therf*cker.

What are you doing?

No!

Get out of my bed!

Oh, my god!

All right, I'm gonna do
the same thing to your bed.

Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding!

Round two.

You know what the f*ck
happened. You're an idiot.

And the fact that
you had to tell jionni that,

Who the f*ck are you?

I'm dappin' up
with the kid every day.

He's buying me shots.
I felt f*cking bad.

As a man, I would want...

So why didn't you
tell him that in italy

When you first
f*cking saw him?

I would want to know
if my girl cheated.

Why didn't you
tell him that in italy?

But you have to wait
till f*cking today,

Because you f*cking suck!

Yeah, so I'm lying?

And you're the worst friend
that I have ever had!

Yeah, all right.
All right, all right.

I'm always there for you,
you f*cking d*ck!

And I'm always there...

f*cking as*h*le for doing that
to me! f*ck you!

I've had enough
of nicole's games.

I've won the w*r.
I've told the truth.

I won this battle.

What do you guys think
really happened?

I don't know.
I don't know either.

"Who do you believe?"

I think mike is telling
the truth and snooki's lying.

Liars get pissed
when, you know,

They're caught in the act.

I don't know.

[Alarm clock beeping]

We have work.

It's the last day at work.

This is definitely sucky,

That it's my last shift
for the summer,

Because I actually had fun
at the shore store.

Ready?

[Belches]

Feel like I still
smell like ketchup.

Screwed me over
all summer.

Why change today
by coming in late?

So I really appreciate it.
Yeah, I know.

Meatballs.
Right away.

Very excited about it
being my last day at work.

The last day at work
is, like, you get senioritis.

You don't want
to go to class.

You know what I mean? You just
don't want to do anything.

Are you excited
about camping?

Pauly's, like,
not down for it.

I mean, I just hope
it's not hot.

When I think of camping,
I think of marshmallows,

Ghost stories,
and drinking.

And, like,
axe murderers in the woods.

We'll go get hot dogs,
hamburgers...

Hair gel, so I can
crunch my hair if it gets wet.

Nail glue? No.
[Laughs]

Spray tan.
Bronzer.

Oh, my god.

I don't think these girls
could deal with camping.

A bonjo.
Yeah, like a banjo.

A bango.

Toilet paper.

A lot of it.

If I have to pee,
I'll just go in the lake.

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Gonna come, dog?

Gtl, son.

Sometimes you gotta
put sleeping aside, bro.

Get your gtl on.

So mvp are gonna
do it real hard today.

Gym, tanning, laundry.

Yo, carry my laundry,
b*tch.

Yo, I should make you
do my laundry, dog.

[Chuckles]

Bye, girls.
Ron, you're out!

Summer 2011's a wrap.

Love you.

I know that us meatballs
weren't the best to him.

But it's sad to leave danny.
He's such a nice guy.

See ya later,
shore store.

Bye, shore store.
We're finished.

[Phone keypad tones]

[Phone line rings]

Hello?

Hey.
What are you doing tonight?

Um, probably nothing much.

I wanted to know if you wanted
to come down and, like,

Get a bite to eat,
go on the boardwalk.

I think my roommates
definitely gave joey a bad rap.

But, you know, I feel like
I want to give the kid a chance.

So if you want to come,
you can.

All right.

All right, good, so I will
see you in a little bit.

Okay.
All right.

Bye.
Who's that?

Dee, are you guys
going out?

We're gonna
hang out tonight.

Deena?

What?

You f*ck.

Whatever.

It's just for fun.

Whatever,
I'm just being

A worried girlfriend,
that's all.

[Knock at door]

I love deena to death,

And I don't want her
to keep seeing this guy

If he's basically
just using her for sex.

I don't want her
to get with an as*h*le.

It sucks,
being the only single girl,

Because it's like,
I guess right now

I'm kind of, like, rushing
myself into a relationship

Because I'm surrounded
with couples.

Can you open
the door for me?

I don't know.
I like doing my own thing.

I like having fun.

But it's like I'm kind of
getting tired of being single.

Stop wasting your time!

Deena has a date
with this kid

No one in the house
is really too fond of.

When I smell a snake,
I call him out on it.

Now he's dead.

Mike, put down
the freakin' fire.

He's just like
one of those people...

A hermaphrodite
or whatever it is.

Something's going on.

♪ I'm ready to go,
I'm ready to love ♪

♪ I hope my heart
don't fail me now ♪

Deena asked joey
on a date.

She asked him on a date?

Deena, sit down here,
you little b*tch.

Hi.
We gotta talk to you.

What's this idea,
you' going out on a date?

Yeah, who you going
on a date with?

No, I'm not going on a date.
First of all...

You ask us about
going on a date first.

Exactly. You ask him. Then he
asks me. Then I tell you.

Even though we're not
roommates no more,

We're still roommates.

You feel me? This is not
the right kid for you.

Stop wasting your time.
Yeah.

Why is everybody
so freaking annoying?

Because we like you,
and we look out for you.

Well, now he's already
on his way here.

Don't make me
beat him up.

Who's already
on his way here?

The kid that you said
that is not doing this

For the right intentions?

Oh, that's what's up.
I don't know...

I don't know if he is.
Oh, that's what's up.

Oh, yeah, him.
Oh, him. Oh, him.

They're just
looking out for you.

I feel like
everybody's like,

"Oh, I don't know
about this guy,"

And I'm like, "well, what
the hell am I supposed to do?"

Well, whatever.
Take it like that, then.

Don't take it
like I'm helping you. Fine!

f*ck you. I'm leaving!

You know what?
Date this f*cking kid!

I understand
about this kid.

It sucks; the only guy
that I actually ever liked here,

Everybody
is just so against.

But even pauly and vinny are
coming up to me about this kid.

Something's not right.

So what do I do?
Do i, like...

Can you f*ck with him?

I mean, whatever
you want me to do.

If you need me to step in,
I'll step in.

I would just tell him-
I'm gonna tell him

You have feminine trouble,
is why you can't come out.

No!
Yeah, buddy.

[Phone quacking]

Pauly!

Yes.
Pick up the phone.

Okay.
[Phone quacking]

Hello.

Yeah, is, uh, deena there?
Who is this?

Uh, tell her
joey's outside.

She can't
come out tonight.

She's sick.

I drove all the way out here.
Is she serious?

I know;
she feels very bad,

But she can't come out.
She's sick.

So that's it?
Just go home? That's it?

That's it, my dude.

It's a f*cking joke.

[Line clicks off]

Joke.
What'd he say?

Said, "this is a joke."

Wait, what'd you say?

I said she's sick.
She can't come out.

If he cared, he'd be like,
"oh, I feel so bad.

Does she need anything?"

"Is she all right?"

I'd offer chicken noodle soup
and a soda on the side.

Exactly.

[Phone quacking]

Your turn.
Do I keep it nice?

No, call him out, I feel.

I'm, like, kind of upset,
and I know if I get on the phone

And talk to joey, he's gonna,
like, sweet-talk me.

And I know me, and I'm just
gonna be like, "okay."

Hello.

Yo, are you... Like,
why don't you

Tell me on the phone
you're sick?

This is jenni, actually,
not deena.

Oh, jenni, I'm sorry.
I got your voice mixed up.

No, but she is sick, but...
No, I definitely...

Wouldn't you think
that you would, like,

Offer, I don't know,
chicken noodle soup or medicine

Rather than saying
it's a joke?

Busted, big time.
You're dead.

I'm just looking out
for a very dear friend of mine

Who's my baby sister,
and when I smell,

You know, a snake,
I call him out on it.

Well, listen,
what am I gonna do?

We'll wait and see
if deena gets better,

But I don't think she is.

She's on to the next one,
so take care.

Enjoy your summer.
Have a blast. Bye, now.

[Laughs]
was that mean?

Nice. That was awesome.
You did a great job.

That was good.

Now he's dead.
Now he's dead.

Now he's dead.

[Hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

You want to go to aztec?
Let's go.

When you gonna be ready?
Just gotta change.

You wanna go to aztec?
All right.

Tonight the guys
want to go to aztec.

I don't like
sweating that much

Unless I'm at the gym,

So me, sam, and jenni and deena
are going up jimbo's.

Should I wear
flip-flops or a shoe?

Roll out. Roll out.
♪ Der, der-ner ♪

Are you coming out?

Huh?
Are you coming?

Where are you going?

Jimbo's and then j.r.'S.

Jimbo's.
[Yawning]

I could really use you
tonight, nicole, honestly.

Right now, I'm a little upset
with the whole joey situation.

I kind of just
need my meatball, like...

You know, I want to go out.
I want to get drunk now.

I just want to have
a freakin' blast.

Are you gonna come?

[Giggles]

But it's like,
"instead of helping you out,

Let me go have sex
with jionni."

[Laughs]

It kind of hurts
my feelings.

If I need you,
be there for me.

I'm there for you always.

[Sighs]

[Tetris' big shot]

♪ I like the girls
with the swag ♪

♪ That can give it to me ♪

♪ I like the girls
with the swag ♪

♪ That can give it to me ♪

♪ Think I'm gettin' hot ♪

Mvp's k*lling everything
now at aztec,

Just like old times.

Fist-pumping like crazy,
girls all over the place.

Mvp's back in action.

I love you in orange.

♪ You know you want it ♪

I'm newly single today.

Really? So you ready
to get out the cage.

A beautiful girl
comes up to you and says,

"Hey, my boyfriend of nine years
has just cheated on me,

And I want to f*ck you."

Well, guess what.
I'm down.

This is, like, the best revenge
you could ever get.

I know.

Okay, let's go.

Ooh, it's cold.

I have to pee.
Me too.

Where's jimbo's?
Uh, I think it's, uh...

Right here, right?

Where you going now?

I'm the only single girl
in the house.

I hang out with the guys.

And sam's different,
'cause she's with ronnie.

She will still hang out.

Nicole, when she's
with jionni, that's it.

I feel the same way.

I miss our tuesday
girl nights.

Tonight I needed her.

I'm upset, and I'm embarrassed.

You should never be
embarrassed.

I do miss nicole.

Like, she used to be my partner
in crime out there...

Like, you know, like,
taking shots, going nuts.

Now it's like one meatball
stands alone, kind of,

Which sucks.

Whoo!
We're going camping.

Jason could come out.
Anything.

I keep hearing noises.

'Cause we're in the woods?
That's true.

Let's go. You ready?
Let's go.

I have a tail.
Right here.

I do.
Why can't you walk?

My man vinny, um,

Felt hungry
and wanted a big snack,

Because he wanted a little bit
of a thicker chick, I guess.

I wanted to back up my man,

So I brought home two
just in case.

This is my house.

What's up, guys?

Hi.

This is tara.
How are ya?

Hello.

I choose to stick
with the thick girl

Over the cute girl
that pauly brings home,

Because hot girls are boring
a lot of the times.

They sit there. "I'm hot.
I don't have to do anything."

I want some variety
in my diet.

Croonin' real smooth, man.

We're gonna keep it mellow
for all the beautiful ladies.

You know what I'm saying?

♪ I moved on
to the next chick ♪

♪ I'm stickin'
to this next chick ♪

♪ No need
for the next chick ♪

♪ She better than
the next chick ♪

♪ And the boys so cold,
and the boys so cold ♪

♪ Talk to me, man ♪

Sooner than later,
you could hit me up.

All right.

♪ We're going campin' ♪

Whoo!

Are you going, vin?
Paul?

I don't know
if guidos should camp.

Maybe I'll do
something else.

I'm not into the whole

Sleeping outside,
no mirror, no bathroom,

Can't do my blowout.

Guidos do not
belong camping.

I've never seen a guido camp,
ever.

Why won't you go camping?
I'm just kidding.

I don't want to go.

Got batteries.
Got blow pops?

Yes, I do.

You're bringing condoms?

Shampoo.

I picked the only thing green.
We're gonna blend in.

[Laughs]

Say I see a bear.
I'm gonna be like...

And he won't see me.

♪ So you can find me ♪

♪ If only you
could ever see ♪

Let's go!

Whoo,
we're going camping!

Yay!
Yay!

Camp-ing,
camp-ing, camp-ing!

Oh, did we bring
toilet paper?

Wait, are they all gone?

Now they're gonna see
what time it is.

Our plan worked.

[Laughs]
how do you like that?

Yes!

What do you want to do?
I don't know.

Yo, let's turn this place
into something different.

I want to turn this place
unrecognizable.

Yeah.
When they walk in.

These campers are suckers.

They thought I didn't want
to go camping.

Little do they know
me and vinny

Just wanted the house
to ourselves,

Because we're gonna prank
the sh*t outta them.

But this has to be
the prank of all pranks,

The massive prank,
the big prank.

Biggest prank we've ever
pulled in our life.

Now we can do
whatever the hell we want.

We can move
the whole outside inside...

[Laughs]
and the whole inside...

Yup.
Yo, that would be funny.

Turn the house inside out,
literally.

Yeah.

When me and pauly
do a prank,

It is elaborate, like we're
building a f*cking house.

This is gonna take
some time.

I know. We need, like,
special recruits or something.

Special ops.

Yo, danny... Danny will
definitely help us.

Yeah, he's already
got it out for the meatballs.

Yeah, hell, yeah.

We know danny has some
animosity towards the meatballs,

So I want to see
if danny wants to come

Help us prank the house
and recruit some troops,

'Cause we need
some manpower.

We want to get them back

For everything
they've ever done to us,

And I know they done
some stuff to you too,

So I want to get you involved,
the meatballs as well.

The meatballs
played me really bad.

They're like, "oh, pauly
and vinny's not going camping."

Yes, because we're
going to prank the house.

Big-time.
The ultimate prank ever.

We need some employees,
everything.

I'm in if it's against
the meatballs.

Yeah.

All right, cool.
I knew you'd be in.

Nice. Thanks.
In all the way.

All right, see you later.
See you in a little bit.

What do we need?

Portable toilet.

How do you sh*t in this?

You guys sell,
uh, camping tents?

Oh, cool.

Yes.

Wow.
Wow.

This was a good idea, guys.
Yeah, I'm glad.

Oh, my god,
is that a tanning bed?

No.

Wait, we're really
in the woods?

Yeah, we're in the woods.
Oh, my god.

This is gonna be fun.

So we're going
guido camping.

I'm a little nervous, 'cause we
are, like, legit in the woods,

On dirt, with bugs.

Oh, my god,
the wilderness!

This is the wilderness,
right?

This is really
not what I was expecting.

Let's set up our tent.

Let's make a drink first.
[Laughs]

Oh, sh*t.

There's definitely directions
in this f*cking thing.

I don't mind
putting together the tent,

But, uh,
it is a lot of work.

Takes a lot
to pitch my tent.

[Scoffs]
pretty big.

This goes in the ground.
See this?

All right, so this is the top.

Face it towards
their tents.

Just hold it.
Hold it.

Oh.

Thank god for jenni.

Well, mike's camp's up
already.

Wow, mike.

Mike's tent
is immaculate.

Like, I can't believe
that he has the brain span

To actually build
a good tent.

Jenni's tent
comes out nice.

How did you get yours up?

'Cause I know
how to set up tents.

Loser.
Guido problems.

I'm from the bronx, okay?

The closest thing I see
to people camping outside

Are homeless people.

Looks nothing like a tent.

[Laughs]

We're gonna remove
the couches,

Remove the bean bag,
remove the chairs.

This prank is gonna take
some work, some hard work.

There's enough room upstairs
to fit all the bedrooms.

That's shock factor
right there.

They're not gonna be
our friends anymore after this.

It's about to go down.

We're gonna remove
the couches.

Remove the couches, right?

Remove the bean bag,
remove the chairs.

Empty this bad boy out.

Me and pauly got everyone
out of the house,

And now we are
going to flip this house

Inside out, literally.

So the couches
are gonna be just like this,

Like a "l."

This prank
isn't a simple prank.

This prank is gonna
take some work,

Some hard work,
but well worth it.

Prank wars!
[Laughs]

They're not gonna be our friends
anymore after this.

No, I know.

This sh*t is heavy.

It's just me and pauly,

And we are lifting couches
and tables,

And we are, like,
arranging furniture.

Whew.
Yeah, buddy.

This not only takes muscle;

It takes brains,
and it is exhausting.

This is pretty big, you know.


Obviously, we can't fit
the jacuzzi inside the door,

So we got, like,

A baby pool to make believe
it's the jacuzzi.

[Chuckles]

This kiddie pool
is no joke,

But teamwork
makes the dream work.

Come on, bro.

Give it one
good, hard blow.

Pinch it with your teeth
a little bit. Lets the air in.

[Laughing]

[Pool hisses]

See how hard
it's coming out, bro?

[Both laugh]

Sucker mc.

You're not
lighting the fire now.

I just want to see
what it looks like.

Throw a little bit
of that on there.

Yeah, we can cook
on the stove like that.

Eww, ron.

Ahh.

Eww, stop that.

Ugh.

Eww.

Oh!
You sick... You f*cking...

Oh, my god!
[Laughs]

I feel like I'm gonna blow up
for some reason.

Seriously.
I really do.

That could've been dangerous.

You got it, nick?
Yeah.

[Knocking at door]

Is that the door?

Welcome to prank wars.
How can I help you?

We brought
some supplies, guys.

We got some supplies?
Nice.

We need more backup.
We're dying.

Nice!

What the hell
did you guys do in here?

There's nothing in here.

Danny comes over,

And he brings the manpower.

He brings some guys
from the t-shirt shop,

And he also brings astroturf.

Golf, anyone?

'Cause we're gonna astroturf
the whole living room

To make it look like
the upstairs deck.

All right,
so then the bar will go there.

Jacuzzi will go there?

Then we'll set up
the couches and stuff here.

All right.
Sweet.

All right,
so let's go.

You want to get
the stuff from up top?

Yeah, yeah,
let's set up the party deck.

Should we paint
the walls blue?

Oh, yeah.

It's gonna be awesome

Looking down there,
though, with this thing.

'Cause that's
how official...

That's how elaborate
this prank is.

That's shock factor
right there.

Watch that mirror.
You don't need seven years.

You're gonna see a hammock
in the living room.

You're gonna see a pool
in the living room.

You're gonna see
that your bed is upstairs.

And then when you walk
into your room,

We didn't just
take half your stuff.

We made your room
completely empty.

This is awesome.

Thanks for your help, guys.
[Laughs]

When the roommates walk in,
they're gonna be like,

"Oh, my god.
What did they do?"

Later, guys.
Thanks a lot, man.

Thank you so much.
Thank you.

I gotta know
exactly what happened.

You gotta come by and tell us.
You got it.

Victory
for the prank wars.

They'll never be able
to top this ever, ever.

Nobody can.
Ever.

Good luck.
Later.

Not bad for a dj and a couple
of t-shirt pressers.

There you go.

Really?
That's not gonna burn.

Hell, yeah,
that's gonna f*cking burn.

Moist.

That's gonna burn.
You kidding me?

I'm actually
fascinated with fire,

Fascinated with, you know,

Danger and risk
and all that stuff.

Come on.

So it's only right
that I build the fire.

I feel like that's
a tree that's alive.

No.

It has green leaves.

Yeah, that's-
you just k*lled a tree.

How are you just
gonna say it's dead?

Mm! I don't want
to burn alive.

Mike, put down
the freakin' fire.

He's like
one of those people,

A hermaphrodite
or whatever it is.

There we go.

Something's going on.

That poor tree.

Are you in your
paranoid state, mike?

Anything can happen
in the woods.

I definitely
feel vulnerable.

I mean, jason could come out,
anything.

What is your problem?

Why are you being weird?
I don't know.

I feel like somebody's about

To jump out of one
of these tents.

We're all right here.

What are you talking about?

I keep hearing noises.

'Cause we're in the woods?
That's true.

Mike is a schizo
right now.

He's so paranoid,
he's freaking me out.

He makes me feel
not normal.

What is wrong with you?

Mike, what are you doing?

I don't know;
I keep feeling

Like something's
by my f*cking tent.

This is the wilderness, okay?

A bear can come out.
Anything could happen.

What are you doing, mike?

Guidos don't belong
in the woods.

Zip!

Before everybody
gets too drunk,

We should talk about
what's going on in the house.

[Laughs]
what's going on in the house?

Maybe it's just me being,
like, whatever, but, like,

In italy, we always had
girls' nights.

We don't even
do that anymore.

Like, me and you
have our meatball days.

But sometimes
I feel like I lost you.

I miss all you girls,
'cause, like,

Now you have all boyfriends.

I'm usually in an environment
where I'm with my single girls

And we're all doing
the same thing.

Here, it's completely
different.

What, you can't hang out
with them and have a good time?

I can.
So why don't you?

A couple nights,
me and you were dancing.

As soon as jionni came,

You took off,
and I was by myself.

But he came over
and started dancing.

He was by us.

I know, but you just...
And you took off.

Flock to him.

'Cause I wanted to see...

I just don't like
being typecast as...

Because I'm a girl
that has a man,

It means I don't have fun
or I can't do my thing.

When I go to a club-
no, I have to be honest.

Jenni,
if I had a boyfriend,

I'd wish it was
like you and roger.

Mm.

But when it comes to nicole,
like, sometimes, like,

I feel like I lost
my meatball.

You didn't lose me.
I'm in love. I'm sorry.

Don't make me
feel guilty for that.

I definitely know
what deena's going through.

I mean, if deena found love
and I was alone,

I'd be like, "cool," like,
"you're hanging out with him,

And you're not with me."

It's jealousy.

I'm not trying
to make you feel guilty.

I'm happy.

I'm happy, and nobody
that anybody can...

Like, nobody can say otherwise.
I'm happy.

I'm still friends with you.

The fact that deena's
upset right now,

I'm like, ugh.

Like, I really
want to be with jionni,

But then again,
I'm sad that deena's upset.

So what the f*ck do I do?

I guess the point being,
everyone thinks

That me and nicole
have changed.

Sam's there regardless,

Even though me and her fight
like a f*cking whatever.

f*ck you.
I f*cking hate you.

[Laughter]
oh, my god.

Disgusting.
I hate bugs.

Oh, my god.
I can't do this anymore.

I really-
I can't.

All right, let's get
the f*ck out of here.

Camping is actually
hard work.

I thought it was
just gonna be, like, fun.

But no, it's disgusting.

There's flies. There's bugs.
It's gross.

[Gasping]

Yo, just hold
the f*cking thing.

Daddy longlegs everywhere.

Yeah, that's why
I want to get out of here.

Grab another bag.
Hurry up. I'll do this quick.

Camping trip is over.
It's time to go home.

Come on. We're almost done.

There is no gym,
there is no tanning salon,

And you can't do your laundry.

Oh, my god.
Eww!

Look at this spider
on my f*cking clothes.

Did he lay eggs
in my shirt?

Come on. Let's do this.

Can you help me get
this spider off my clothes?

Oh, d... Come on, jenni.

I just cleaned this whole place,
all right?

All I want is the spider
off my clothes.

All I want
is to get out of here

And for people to help.

I f*cking help
every f*cking day in this house.

I'm asking to get
a f*cking spider...

Jenni,
I'm not hating on you.

Off my clothes
so I can get dressed.

I'm not hating on you, girl.
You are hating.

You just said it.

I'm trying to get
out of here, okay?

It's a fact.

Right now,
you're a little tired.

Okay, you don't have to help.

I'm doing it all. Cool.
I don't want to help.

Get your sh*t, then.

I want to get the f*cking
insects off my sh*t.

Called cleaning up,
speedy cleanup.

Just get off.

Tired of cleaning up
and two people helping.

You know,
we're winding down.

We're coming
to our last few days here.

And I feel like we've been
around each other for so long

That we're just
sick of each other.

If I ever go camping again,
it won't be in a tent.

Or with mike.

Marco!

[Tiny voice] polo.

Marco!

[Deep voice] polo.

Cheers, bro.
Biggest prank w*r in history.

Biggest prank ever.
No turning back now.

- salut.

You're now
my prank brother.

It's about
to go down right now,

'Cause the second
they open that door...

Bam!

We changed the whole house
inside out.

We put the inside outside,
the outside inside,

The inside outside,
the outside inside,

So now our inside deck
is now our outside deck.

Our outside deck
is now our inside deck,

And, basically,
we pranked the whole damn house.

I told 'em
not to go camping.

I want a shower so bad.

[Laughs]
don't hit it so hard.

I'm dead.
Me too.

This is the life, bro.

I wonder what
the poor people are doing.

[Sighs]

This is it.
Don't get scared now.

You got my back?
I'm not.

This is where warriors
are made of, right here.

What is this?