06x04 - Blues, ba*ls & Brawls

[bunniefuu]

Oh, it's so cute!

This is perfect
for a pregnant b*tch.

Living apart from the roomies,

I mean, it's something
that I have to do.

I'm not like everybody else.
I'm not normal.

I won't have a problem
with you coming home.

Deena had a meltdown.

Dj pauly delvecchio.

I'm going
to jersey shore, b*tch!

All right,
we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch
you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

After I have sex with a guy,
I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny! Go, vinny!

You like the boobs?

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪ Need to be ♪

♪ They're traveling ♪

♪ Keeping their eye
on the storm ♪

What time are you leaving
for florida tomorrow?



I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you.

No, you're not.
You're gonna be in florida.

I just want you to be good.

Of course I'm gonna be good.

Are you gonna be good?

I don't do anything.

What's your biggest fear
about me going?

You realizing there's...
Oh, my god.

Prettier, skinny girls
out there.

I'm not going to.

I just feel
a little insecure.

My body's weird right now.

You don't have to feel
insecure... You're pregnant.

Do you see my boobs?
They look weird.

You're pregnant.

They're supposed to be.

I'm definitely worried that
jionni's gonna get hit on

'Cause he is
a good-looking guy.

But, you know, hopefully he'll
just brush those birds away.

I can't get up.

No.

I'm a cr*pple.

I hope people know I'm pregnant
and not just a fat-a*s.

Thank you.

I'm gonna ask them
to make a cake for roger.

At where?
Jimbo's, for tomorrow night.

Oh, good idea.
Good call.

Yay, jimbo's.
I'll bring the decorations.

We'll reserve the four tables.

It's gonna be fun.
Uh-huh.

What do you wanna do?

You guys wanna kick it
on snooki's porch?

We can all kick it
on snooki's porch.

We're gonna kick it
on snooki's porch.

Can I come?
Yeah, absolutely.

Tell her we're going
to jimbo's if she wants to.

Yo, you sure you're okay
to walk this far, bro?

I mean, I wasn't into it.
I was gonna take the truck.

We got four porches,

And we're going to kick it
on snooki's porch.

Let's kick it
on snooki's porch...

The f*cking porch.
'Cause it's brand-new.

Ahh.
This is dope, yo!

I feel like
I'm in the hood, yo.

[Laughter]

Hey!

What are you doing
on my porch?

We're just kickin' it
on your porch.

[Laughter]

So annoying.

How's everything?
Good, man.

Enjoying your summer?
Yeah, trying.

See snooki's new place?
Yeah.

What's up, buddy?
What's going on?

What's going on?
Good?

Dope.

If I go to shake
jionni's hand,

I'm basically telling him,

"Hey, what's up, bro?
I f*cked your girl."

You know what I mean?

It's kind of like a slap
in the face.

The only way that
we're gonna talk again

Is if he comes
and daps up with me.

Enjoy yourselves.
A little hangout over here.

[Bird screeching]

Awkward!

Give me a hug.
I gotta go.

[Whimpers]

I love you.
Unh!

Oh.

I'm gonna miss poop so much,
even though it's a week.

So it's very hard
to say good-bye to him.

And I try and hold
the tears back, but waah!

They're just flowing,
and, you know, it just sucks.

Love you.
[Sniffling]

See you guys later.

All right, kid, we'll see you.
I'm sure we'll see you soon.

Yeah.

All right, babe.

I gotta go.

♪ Na na ♪

That's the baby daddy
right there!

See ya.
[Laughter]

[Sighs]

Vinny's like,
"I'm not dapping up with him."

Twice.

Why do you guys go up there
and, like, hug him?

Twice.

'Cause, he's still our-
he's still my friend.

They're cool with me.
[Laughs]

I didn't f*ck his girl.

[Laughter]

I was just like, "oh, look."

You guys are like, "oh!

Buddy! Get over here!"
[Laughing]

"Bring it in
for the real thing, you!"

We had our own handshake
and sh*t.

[Laughter]

Hooga hooga, hooga hooga,
hoy hoy hoy!

Jionni!

[Grunting]

[Laughter]

Oh, sh*t.
Sick life.

Come on.

[Knock at door]

Come in!

We brought you food.

We got you pear salad
and watermelon.

I was depressed before.
Why?

'Cause jionni left.
For what?

A fight, right?
His stupid ufc fight.

I'm not gonna see him
till next saturday.

Aw.

Well, why don't you eat?
Did you eat yet?

Come on,
let's go sit at your table.

Yeah, you need to get
out of that bed, girl.

Waking up and seeing
sam and jenni

Bring me food-
I mean, already

I just feel so much better,
and, you know,

I just had a moment.

There you go.
Mm-hmm.

Mmm!

Is this the first time
he's gone a week without you?

Yeah.
Where in florida?

Miami.

Yeah, miami, I'm thinking
of thongs and asses.

Brazilian b*tches.

Like, beautiful women
everywhere.

Ha ha ha.
I'm thinking

Of the beach and skinny girls
in bikinis and thongs.

And I just don't want him
to look at them and be like,

"Cool, I have
a fat whale at home."

Let's just not talk
about jionni,

So I don't think about it.

Okay?

Wanna play taps?

[Laughter]

[Laughs]

Why are you f*cking so Ret*rded?
Do it regular.

[Laughter]
he pump-faked it.

I'm tired already.
Yeah, me too.

[Laughs]
you want to go

On the top deck?
Sure.

Bounce that on the boardwalk
and dribble.

All right, I need just
a sip of water real quick.

I got out of breath
on that one.

Do it without looking.

Holy cannolis.

[People shouting]

Holy sh*t.

Yes!

Come here!
Come down here!

Come here!

Look at those t*tties, man.
[Laughs]

We see a girl busting out

Her t*tties on the boardwalk.
[Laughter]

And this is f*cking awesome.

Best girl ever.
[Chuckles]

[Laughs] they wouldn't
believe us if we told them.

I know.

This is new jersey,

Not mardi gras,
but I appreciate the t*tties.

I gotta explain something
to you what just happened.

What?

We just, for one second,
just looked over,

And this girl's like, "lookit!"
Bang, shows her t*tties, right?

No way!
Boom, they're out.

She'll show you them
right now.

You want to go see them?

I wanna see.
Let's go.

You wanna go see her?

Me and dee right away look at
each other, and we run upstairs

'Cause me and dee love to see
other girls' boobs.

Oh, yeah, here she is.

What's up, what's up?
Hey!

What's up, girl?
Show your t*ts!

Whoo!
Oh, my god!

[Laughter]

All right, now show us
downstairs.

Show your vag*na!

"Show your vag*na," she said.

Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!

[Screaming, laughter]

I'm like, "holy sh*t,
this b*tch is crazy."

But she's cool.
Like, she lives it up.

Let me come up!
Meet me outside.

All right, let's go.
Oh, my god!

I told you.
My virgin eyes.

I'm actually scared.

I saw vag*na.

People think we're crazy.
No.

We're the normal ones.
[Laughs] yep.

Yo, let's get her
in here, bro!

I have a little confession
to make.

What?
[Sighs]

Yo! Yo, yo, yo!
Fight! Fight!

This fight is huge.

Stop!
I know who you are!

I know who you are.

Relax!
Stop!

What's up? What's up?
What's up, girl?

Let me come up!
Meet me outside.

All right, let's go.
[Laughs]

I've seen a lot of sh*t,
but come on.

What the f*ck?
Hide lorenzo.

People think I'm bad with
showing my vag*na sometimes.

She just did it
without even being...

Maybe she's drunk.

Sam, you missed it.

I didn't even want
to see it.

[Laughs]

So what's going on?
We don't know.

We're going to mess
with this chick though.

She looks like
she'll touch me.

If you want,
I can arrange that.

No!
Ew!

I just don't want
to see any t*ts of hers.

Well, she's definitely
showing her t*ts.

But boobs are funny
to look at.

I like boobs.

She seems very happy
to show them...

And her vajay.

I just hope that she keeps
her boobies away from me.

I mean, I like boobs,
to look at them,

But not to be too close.

We gotta meet her
in the front.

[Laughs] vinny.

Now he's definitely
gonna jerk off.

Me and pauly just met
the f*cking woman of our dreams.

Yo, she's so dope.

Met her on the boardwalk-
love at first sight.

Hell, yeah.
Feel me?

Hey.
Hey, girls, nice to meet you.

What's up?
What's up, girl?

Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.

How are you?
How's everything?

Good.
Are you a stripper?

No, I'm not a stripper.
Oh, you're just crazy?

Crazy, out of control.
Oh, okay.

Now you definitely made
our night better

'Cause we were just bored.

Give me a hug.
Okay.

[Laughs]
there you go.

I found out her name
is morgan, and, uh,

For a girl that goes running
around showing her t*tties,

She's not that bad.

I mean, she's pretty gross,
but not that bad.

Call me tonight.

Tonight?
Call me tomorrow.

I don't give a f*ck
when you call me.

You live around here?
No, not really.

Okay.
What do you do for a living?

I have fun. I party.
Oh, yeah?

You party?
Yo, I do the same thing.

[Laughs] that's what's up.
That's what I do.

Do you like italian guys?

Yes, I do.
All right.

I like you.
I like you.

Oh, thanks.
You like both of us?

Yeah, I love both of you.
How would you choose?

Um, I'll take you both.

[Laughter]

I'm definitely calling.

Yeah,
we're definitely calling!

Call me.
I'm not joking, call me.

You want to see boobies again?
[Laughing]

Do you have a nickname
for those things?

Vinny and pauly.
[Cheering]

There you go.
[Laughs]

[Laughter]

What?

[Laughter continues]

What happened?

Oh, I'm gonna call her!

That's what happened.
I'm gonna call her.

They need to rewrite the laws
of d.t.f. Around this girl.

She's not d.t.f.,

She's d.t.a.

She's down for anything.

I'm gonna ask her, "yo, were
you serious about letting me

Be your boyfriend?"

Would you bring
her home to donna?

Yeah.
Yeah?

[Laughter]
my mom would f*cking flip out.

Yeah, that's a big thing.
Meeting the mom?

Paula met my mom.

Yeah?
What?

That's f*cking official,
bro.

I think she's got
my mom's number, I think.

Yeah, so she knows your mom.

She didn't meet your mom.
Yeah.

No wonder she thinks
you guys are together.

I have a little confession
to make.

You jerked off!

You jerked.
You jerked it.

I didn't jerk it.
Oh.

Okay, what's your confession?

He got a girlfriend.
I don't have a girlfriend.

But-
pregnant. He's pregnant!

I knew it.

I'm so happy.
I'm not with anybody, okay?

I just... Before I came out here,
all right, I met somebody.

Is that why you're celibate?

All: oh!
That's why he's celibate!

f*cking sh*t.
Wow.

Buddy!
What the hell?

Vinny's kind of cheating
on pauly right now.

I'm the only single person
in the house!

I'm the only single person
in the house!

Shut up!
Let him say it.

He doesn't have
to say anything.

Let him say it.
I'm single.

I can do whatever I want.
You know what I mean?

But this girl is
a little different.

So I told myself,
I'm like,

"I'm not gonna-
I don't wanna be tied down,

"But I'm only gonna have sex
with somebody

If she has the same effect
on me."

You know what I mean?

The fact that vinny doesn't
want to have sex with sluts

Because he's thinking
about someone at home,

That's so cute, and it's like
vinny's growing up.

And I'm just so proud
that, you know,

He's not, like,
a man-wh*re anymore.

So he's allowed
to jerk off.

I can jerk off!

Let him jerk off!
Yes!

He's allowed
to jerk off.

Yo, why's he got a picture
of me in his pocket?

I think he's allowed.

Where's roger, dude?
I don't know. Why?

He's only
an hour and 15 minutes late.

This is by far the worst
surprise birthday ever.

[Laughs]
hey.

That's my ball!
Here we go.

Here we go.
That's my ball!

[Thud]
[laughter]

Oh!

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

[Groans]

[Phone pad tones]

[Line trilling]

Hello?
Morning.

What's going on?

So I was wondering

If you wanna meet at jimbo's
tonight for a little bit.

Okay, no problem.

You know, I'm probably gonna
bounce around 10:00

Just 'cause I gotta work
tomorrow.

Okay. Love you.
Love you.

Bye.
Bye.

Roger has no idea
that this party's for him.

I had planned to have
a surprise party

'Cause you never do a surprise
on the actual birthday.

What are you doing now
at party city?

Gonna pick up the decorations
and balloons.

I wanna get him a cake
and show him, you know,

"Hey, I didn't forget
about you.

"Here's your friends.
Here's a balloon.

Now get drunk, and have fun."

We're gonna have a birthday
at jimbo's,

So I was wondering
if you could drop off balloons.

Of course.

I'm done.

You all set?

Say anything to anyone,
I'll k*ll you.

Yeah, I won't.
Thanks, guys.

Thank you.
Have a good day.

So what's the deal tonight?

Roger has to leave by 10:00.

He's leaving jimbo's
at 10:00?

Work.
Oh.

He's so responsible.

[Belches]

Excuse me.

See ya!

Wouldn't wanna be ya!

I think I scared the baby.

I know, dude, stop.
I got scared.

Hey, it's a little f*cking
chilly out there.

n*pples are out.

I'm really excited

To celebrate
roger's birthday tonight,

And I just hope
that he enjoys it.

Try not to make
too many sex jokes.

Ohh.
[Laughs]

Oh, they put
the balloons up.

Oh, dope.
Looks like a party.

I was going there early
to set up the surprise,

But the manager already did.

So we're gonna get some food
and wait for everyone

To get out of work
and get over here.

What did you get?

Chicken quesadillas,
steak fajitas.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Do you ever play music
and just dance in the mirror?

And flip your hair
and sh*t?

Yes.
[Laughs]

Do you?
Yes.

Me too!

[Laughter]

Where's roger, dude?

I don't know.
Uh-oh!

What time is it?
Time to go.

All right, danny.
Later, guys.

I'll see you later.
Later, guys.

See ya.

That was fun.
That was fun.

All right, what is-
what's the deal?

Are we all taking showers
and getting dressed?

I don't have to shower before.
I don't have to shower either.

I'll just get dressed,
and I'm ready to go.

Anyways.

You pissed?

Really, there's no excuse.

You're gonna k*ll him.
I don't even wanna...

I don't even wanna see him...

'Cause by the time he gets here,
he has to go.

Oh, my god.

So jenni's really pissed
right now

Just because roger's not here.

He's legit, like,
an hour late.

And, dude, like,
I would be upset too.

I would probably be crying
right now.

It's kind of, like,
really embarrassing,

And I feel bad for jenni.

It's just gonna be too awkward
when he gets here.

Show him you're annoyed.

Maybe you should start
banging him.

Holy sh*t.

This is the reason
why I don't.

Oh!
Oh!

The truth comes out!
Cha-ching!

Hate to break
the news to you,

But he has to be home
in, like, 40 minutes.

Like, five minutes.

He's only an hour
and 15 minutes late.

It's real awkward
for everybody.

We just need roger, my man.

♪ Happy birthday ♪

Aw!
Aw!

You shouldn't have.

Roger.
[Laughs]

Oh, man!
I feel bad, yo!

Now it just sunk in.

Here he is.

[Party horn blows]

There's your cake.

My cake?
Surprise!

You didn't tell me.

[Laughter]

I didn't know that.
Surprise!

How are you?
Wow! Yeah!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo!

Can I sit?
Sit over here?

Sorry, I fell asleep.

Fact of the matter is,

Roger's 80 years old
and needs his sleep,

And he's gonna miss
some sh*t.

You're in trouble!

I knew, I knew.

I woke up, and I was like,
"f*ck!"

You could be... You could sleep
five nights other...

See?
Five nights...

Here we go. Here we go.
Oh, you see?

No, I just spent two days
planning this.

Here we go.
See?

You know what it means?

It's clearly
that I don't love her.

That's what it is.
It's clear.

Are we gonna make a bigger deal
out of this than it really is?

Yes!

The answer is yes, we are!
Roger.

This is by far the worst
surprise birthday ever.

Where's everybody else?
They're coming.

They got out of work at 9:00.

Oh, so they're late
for my birthday?

I'm gonna be pissed.
[Laughter]

You're late
for your birthday!

Shouldn't there be, like,


You gotta make a wish, bro!
Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!
Happy birthday, roger.

I really wish
jenni'd stop bitching.

Whoa!
Oh!

[Laughter]

Thank you.
I appreciate it.

[Chuckles]

There's a lot of tension,

And it doesn't feel
like a birthday party

Where everyone's like,
"happy birthday!"

It's more like walking
on egg shells,

Like, cricket city.

Like, roger and jenni, like,
wanna go at it right now.

So what else?
Nothing.

You mad?
Yeah.

I have a right to be.
Oh, my god.

Jenni, I don't go out
during the week.

I work, all right?
I knew that...

If you're gonna catch
an attitude, I'll leave.

You're gonna have an attitude
this whole time?

He's supposed to want
to have fun at a birthday party.

Like, throw balloons
and wear the hats,

And this isn't
that kind of party.

I'm not dealing
with this sh*t.

Yo, you're really gonna
embarrass me?

No, you're embarrassing
yourself.

Get over it.

[Weakly blows party horn]

Do you need anything?
You okay?

Mike, I'm fine.
Stop asking.

Every time
he says something to me,

I just wanna punch him.

So you're gonna hate me
the rest of your life?

I never said I hate you.

I just don't want
to be friends with you.

Forever?

I'm not gonna sit here
and listen

To two hours of whining.

Get over it or don't.

Are you actually gonna leave
and embarrass me?

No, I'll be here.
Hang out with your friends.

Roger puts on
such a defense mechanism

Of dickheadedness,
but I just know that's him.

But he is gonna stay
for a few more hours.

And because he's gonna do that,
I'm gonna turn my mood around.

Hey, everybody!
Hey.

Hey.
How are you guys?

I gotta dance.

Do you want to dance
with me, meatball?

Come on.

Last time we danced here,
we were wasted.

Legit, I haven't danced here
at the shore yet.

So me and my meatball
dancing on the dance floor...

I feel complete.

You're a hot pregnant lady.

I hope so.

[Dance music]

♪ ♪

It's a girl...
So they can date.

Here!
Jenni!

You do it too.

We're like,
"why not make nicole feel

A little bit
more comfortable?"

So we decide to shove balloons
up our shirts

And dance like
we're pregnant.

♪ ♪

Yay!

Imagine I have a girl
and you had a boy.

You still have time.

Just get pregnant.

Oh! Oh!

I don't know if I can
jersey turnpike like this.

It is hard to jersey turnpike
while pregnant.

Better get all
my jersey turnpiking in now.

You wanna ride the bull?

I said you were the only guy
that would.

I'll do it.

I feel like, "you know what?

"I've rode so much bull
in this house,

I might as well
ride a bull at jimbo's."

Crazy bulls.

[Grunts]

Take it off!
Let's go, ron!

[Laughter]

I've shared a room
with ron,

And I know that
he cannot ride anything

Longer than 30 seconds,

So this is definitely
gonna be short.

Oh, sh*t!

Yeah, ronnie!
Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t!
Whoo!

He's taking
a big sh*t right now.

[Laughter]

Oh!
Oh!

Yeah.

Yeah!
Yeah!

My nuts hurt now!

I'm excited to ride
on this wild bull

And take the bull by the...

The thingy.

Ah!
I don't know.

Whoa.

[Laughter]

There you go!

I can't even-
oof!

[Laughter]

Friggin' things just pop off,
and I'm like,

"Cool.
Typical."

I would break
this f*cking thing.

Ah!

Oh, my god!

Ah!
Oh!

[Crowd groans]
oh, my god, bro!

Whoo!

It's typical meatball.

All I see is a*s in my face,
and I'm like,

"You go, girl."

[Screams]

Oh!

Whoa!
Oh!

[Chuckles]
I did good!

[Alarm clock beeps]

[Sighs]

Hello?
Hello.

You guys ready?
Let me get ron.

You know what print
you would like on your shirts?

Yeah, I wanted the pink.

Could we get a break
for lunch or no?

Or we don't... You don't let
your employees eat?

Yeah, well, you have lunch
after your shift.

I'm gonna call
the labor board on you.

[Chuckles]
okay?

I was not-
holy moly.

Are you all right, snooks?

Mm-hmm.

You need some food?
I'm fine.

Can you just leave me alone?
Of course.

[Chuckles]
of course.

I'm just feeling, like, icky,

Like I don't really feel good
right now...

[Sighs]

And every time
he says something to me,

I'm like,
"you're so irritating."

Do you need anything?
You okay?

Mike, I'm fine.
Stop asking.

I'm just trying to be nice.
That's all.

I'm just concerned.
Okay, but we're not friends,

So just stop.
Oh, sh*t.

It's like that.
All right.

If you wanna be like that, you
can be like that all you want.

It is like that,
and you know that.

Like, I don't know
why you're talking to me.

I'm just trying to just
be nice to you, that's all.

There's nothing wrong
with that.

Okay. All right.

Are you serious?
You're no saint either.

And, like, we had
a relationship too, all right?

Um, different kinds
of relationships,

But, um, are you gonna be
that cold?

You know, we didn't always
hate each other.

You know what I'm saying?

I know,
but we're not friends.

So you're gonna hate me
the rest of your life?

I never said I hate you.
I don't hate you.

I just don't want
to be friends with you.

Forever?
Really?

Yeah.

Is that what you
really want to do?

Are you that mean?
I was always there for you.

I was there for you too
from time to time.

I was the only person in the
house that actually liked you.

I was there for you too.

And then you f*cking tried
to f*ck with me and jionni...

No, I didn't.
I didn't.

Knowing that, like,
I loved him,

And then you made sh*t up.

Like, it's annoying.
But things are good right now.

You know what I mean?
It's not good.

Just because you're healthy
means that I'm okay with it?

Just 'cause you're healthy,
I'm supposed to forgive you?

Life moves on.
No.

You don't hold grudges
in life.

Mike, it's not grudges.

So this is how you just
wanna go on forever?

I'm sorry.

Okay.

I'm extremely surprised
because she knows

How hard I've worked
and that I'm a different person.

Mike does the dip?

Nicole hurt his feelings.

Not the first time.

♪ How dare you? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ How da-a-are ♪

♪ You? ♪

Sam!

Yo!

Whoa!
Whoa!

We ain't even at the club yet,
and deena's drunk.

I predict we're carrying her a*s
out of the club tonight.

Wait. Are we going out now?
Yeah.

Babe, the earlier we go out,

The sooner we can come back
and not have sex.

[Laughter]
oh!

Got her!

[Indistinct chatter]

I'm irritated with mike and
how awkward he's making me feel.

Like, dude, like,
you're trying to be nice,

I see it, but you're making
things so much worse.

And I just don't want
to be around him.

God.

Do you think mike's gonna
leave you alone now?

Yeah.
It was like that?

It was, like, stern?
Yeah.

I don't mean to be, like,
rude and bitchy, but...

How the f*ck are you supposed
to get through to that kid?

You have to just
shut him out.

Then he's like,
"oh, well,

I thought we could talk
about it."

So talk about it.

No, talking about it

Is throwing it out
on the table

And apologizing
and saying that he lied and...

Taking me to the side
and saying that...

Exactly.
Yeah.

Like, "sorry I lied to you.

"Sorry I brought it up
to jionni.

Sorry I did anything to hurt you
due to the fact..."

"Sorry I disrespected
your relationship

And totally embarrassed
your relationship as a couple."

Yes.

I completely understand
why nicole's

Not interested
in talking to mike.

Mike was stirring up lies and
creating drama in nicole's life.

And it's one thing
to do that inside the house,

But it's another thing
to do it with boyfriends.

You cross a line,
you get your d*ck cut off

For that sh*t.

Just annoying how he thinks
that he's always right,

And everything revolves
around him.

And it doesn't.
That's just mike.

And the pity party too

With the whole
"being clean" thing

Is getting
underneath my skin.

I might literally snap.

[Groans]
like, he's not cool.

Hit it.
You wanna go to the boardwalk?

Yeah, let's go.

Me and the guys go to get
some food and hit the boardwalk

And see what's poppin'.

I'm gonna start walking around
with a cooler,

So my sneakers
can just stay fresh.

I'll just give you my chain.
You can keep them on ice.

[Laughs]

Yo, what's the deal?
[Overlapping chatter]

Oh, sh*t, I didn't
even see y'all, yo.

So we run into my boys today.

Ryan, my boy toyan, my boy jose,
and big jerry.

Where y'all headed?

We're just walking,
grabbing some drinks...

You guys heading
to the club tonight?

Where are you guys going,
back to the house?

You wanna just get a drink
over here?

Whatever you want.
All right, good.

I'm gonna start right now.
Yeah.

Oh, here we go.

We got a blue license plate.

Those for me?
This is for...

For me?
Ronnie.

For ronnie?
Ronnie gets a flower.

Ronnie?
This one's for you.

What?
Aw!

From who?
From roger.

[Laughing] oh.
Aw.

Oh, my god, wait.
He got ronnie one?

So roger's apologizing
for last night at jimbo's,

And he sends me two dozen
pink roses to the shore store.

And, of course,
he sends ron one red rose,

But pink's my favorite color,

So ronnie can have the f*cking
red rose all he wants.

Wow, you know
what those flowers say?

What?
"Have sex with me, please."

Shut up.

Now you have to do sex
with roger.

I guess I will.
He'll get it in this weekend.

He's in the bone zone.

Danny,
do you want to go on rides?

I want to do bumper cars.
Promise?

Pinkie swear?
Pinkie swear to bumper cars.

Kiss it.
You have to kiss it.

I mean, right now
nicole can't be my meatball.

So I asked danny-
let's take a break,

And let's have
a meatball day.

I kind of want to audition danny
to be a meatball.

We're going on a date.
Where we going?

Yeah, we're going
on a meatball sausage date.

A mini meatball sausage date.
Yeah.

Oh, my god.

[Groans]
I got a terrible start.

Whoo!
♪ So much fun ♪

♪ I'm waking up
with everyone ♪

[Laughs]
♪ it's not me ♪

Hey!
♪ It's you ♪

♪ There's something
that I have to do ♪

No, get away from-
get out of the way! Get...

That's a blast.

Let's do something else.

Danny's doing pretty good
at this meatball tryout.

We're riding rides.
We're playing games.

I'm, like, playing basketball
and getting them in.

Oh!

Can I get the big ball?

We're drinking.

Like, wow,
I'm having a blast right now.

I love it.
I'm loving life right now.

I'm like, "whoo-hoo!"
♪ Meatball day ♪

It's, like, your third shift,
and we're already out drinking.

That's not very good.
You're corrupting me now.

It's a good corruption.

Let's go in.

I think we should go in ej's
for a second.

Let's do it.
Isn't this a great day?

I've never had one
of these days before.

First time for everything.

Ronnie!

Guys, everybody!

Oh, my god.

Now I can't leave!

He's buzzed!

If I had to forecast
anything,

It seems like it's shaping up
to be a wild night.

It's gonna be
a wild one tonight.

Danny's like,
"what the f*ck?"

[All shouting]

Go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go!

I see that danny's missing.
I think he left.

Danny cannot hang
as a true meatball.

[All cheering]

I'm gonna pee on you.

Ryan!

[Cheering]

Ej's is fun right now.

Everyone's on the pool table,
having a good time.

And, you know, everyone's
smiling and happy.

Yo, we're gonna go.
You ready?

Oh, my god, here we go.
That was amazing.

I want the blue one!
I won it earlier with danny.

Oh, you won it?
Oh, so...

You want the blue one, huh?
Yeah.

Yo, you want blue ba*ls?
She want blue ba*ls.

Yo, give her blue ba*ls.
Let's get her blue ba*ls.

Oh!
[Laughter]

It's not the first time
deena's had blue ba*ls

On her face.

I got 1 out of 20.
I won this guy.

[Laughing]
hey! That's my ball!

Here we go, here we go.
That's my ball!

[Laughs]

I'm gonna roll it back.
I'm gonna roll it back.

I'm gonna roll it back.
I'm gonna roll it back a little.

No, it's mine!
We're trying to get home.

It's mine!

I could never imagine
one big, blue ball

Could cause such chaos
on the boardwalk.

Come on. Hey!
Get it!

Wow.

Here we go.

[Thud]

[Shouting and laughter]

Come on.
Did that really just happen?

[Laughs]

You and I are friends
on f*cking facebook.

All you gotta do is just look
at my phone for a...

But I don't even know
your number.

I don't even know your name.

Now I have my own stalker,
and it's a dude.

Stop!

Relax!
Stop!

Relax!
Stop!

I know who you are!
I know who you are!

Relax!
Stop!

Vinny, what time
do you punch out?

What are you doing?

God, I've missed you.
[Chuckles]

My boys are in town.

Hello.

Yo, you wanna kick it
on snooki's porch?

I'll go kick it
on snooki's porch,

But I gotta, um,
get ready eventually.

We're gonna go kick it
on snooki's porch.

[Laughs]

Check this out... We got a new
place where we be kicking it at.

If you're looking for me, you
can find me on snooki's porch.

Yo, mike, we're gonna kick it
on snooki's porch.

But it's not "kick it
on snooki's porch."

It's "kick it
on snooki's porch!"

Feel me?
Say it back.

Yo, is snooki up in here?
I don't know.

I wake up from a disco nap,

And I hear, like, ruckus
on my porch,

And vinny and pauly are just,
you know, chilling there

Like it's their house.

I'm like,
"what are you doing here?"

Yo, we just did a bar crawl.

Everybody's here-
ryan, jerry, roger.

Ronnie's out there.
Where?

Jenni's out there.
Jenni's at ej's?

Yeah, sh*t is getting
real serious.

Cool.

Usually me and deena
do bar crawls.

No one else wants to.

And the fact that I'm hearing

That jenni is out on a bar crawl
with roger...

I'm like, "really?"

Because you never did that
when I wasn't pregnant.

Now we're just kicking it on
snooki's porch before bamboo.

You're going to bamboo?
Yeah, wanna come?

No.

All right, take it easy.
Take it easy.

That's where fights happen.

That's true.
[Laughs]

What the f*ck
am I gonna do tonight?

You can come with us.
No.

That's the last place
I would go.

Sam got jumped last year.

Every time we go to bamboo,
someone gets hurt.

It's like, I want to hang out
with my roomies,

But I can't take that risk.

All right, yo.

Yo, we just did
a ill handshake, girl.

Yo, son.
You got pregnant-girl swag.

What the f*ck
am I gonna do tonight?

Oh, sh*t.
Ow.

♪ Oh,
I know, I know ♪

Oh, yeah, piggyback rides!
Yeah!

Don't jaywalk, bro.

Oh, who's that?

Oh, hey.

Where is everybody?

Hey!

It's my ball!
It's my ball!

Oh, my god, the ball doesn't fit
in the house!

I got this.
Ready?

The ball doesn't fit
in the house.

That looks
like ryan's friday night.

Get it in!
What the f*ck?

Get it in!
Get it in!

[Laughter]
whoo!

So in walks
some friggin' chaos.

They walk in
with this humongous blue ball

That can barely get
through the door.

And they are all drunk
right now.

Oh, my god,
will my ball fit in my room?

I guess not.
Sam!

Hi, baby.
Get off!

[Laughter]

We ain't even at the club yet,
and deena's drunk.

I predict we're carrying her a*s
out of the club tonight.

Are we going out now?
Yeah.

Babe, the earlier we go out,

The sooner we can come back
and not have sex.

Ohh!
[Laughter]

Got her!
All: oh!

I might court a young lady
tonight with this shirt on.

[Laughs]

Oh, yeah.

Ronnie, who we waiting on?

Deena!

Little lipstick,
new outfit,

And I'm a fresh meatball.

All right, ready?
To the bar.

O.m.g.
We gotta walk slow together.

I'm excited to go
to bamboo tonight.

I know I'm looking my best,
and it's time to have some fun.

[Dance music]

♪ ♪

[All cheering]

[Laughs]

We get to bamboo,
and the music's going.

It's a good time,
and all of us roommates

Are just hanging out,
chilling, drinking, dancing.

It's-
so far, so good.

[Laughs]

Bro, do you remember me
and you at deco?

You don't even remember
this sh*t.

I might've not been sober
at that time, brother.

I don't remember much.

Me, you, arvin,
and brandon...

I mean, you look familiar.

It's just some random guy
that says he knows me,

And he knows my friends,
and we hung out here.

And I'm just like,
"you may have,

But I don't remember now."

Give me a hug, man.

Now where the f*ck
is deena?

♪ ♪

Is deena all right by herself?
Deena... Don't worry about her.

You and I are friends
on f*cking facebook.

You don't remember?

Uh, i-i-i mean, I have,

Like, 5 million friends
on facebook.

All you gotta do is just look
at my phone for a...

But I don't even know
your number.

I don't even know your name.
I'm paul, bro.

Yo, listen, listen,
I don't...

I don't know you, man.
Like, you know... Go get a girl.

Go get a girl.
It's my birthday.

I-i-i don't-
I don't know you, though.

I don't actually know...

Bro, can you let us chill,
my dude?

Let us chill, bro. Let us chill.
I don't know you.

We're trying to have
a good time, man.

Nice to meet you, though.
Take care, homey.

Whatever, just give me a call.
That's all I ask.

Brother, take a walk.

Take a walk.
Who's that dude?

That's, like, the third time
that dude's come up to me.

I mean,
now I have my own stalker,

And it's a dude.

Why do you have
the angry look now?

Like, if anybody f*ck
with these kids,

I'll f*ck 'em up.

I don't give a f*ck.

What do I do, be a prick?
No.

I told him to eat a d*ck.

I want to do it with people
I know will appreciate it.

What up, son?
You told me to go...

Yeah, I told you to go
take a walk.

Why?

Because you were bothering
my friend.

Your friend and I went
to high school together.

I don't care, though.
He was uncomfortable.

Huh?
How is that possible?

Just take a walk, man.
It's not... It's not...

Come here, come here,
come here, come here, come here.

I was telling you
to take a walk

Because I don't want you
to bother him.

He asked me four times
to ask you to take a walk.

That's not true.
Okay.

Hold my water?
No, ryan.

Listen...

If I was to fight you
one-on-one,

I would kick your f*cking a*s.

You know who
you're not gonna beat up?

What?
Me.

Because it's not gonna happen.

Because you
don't have ba*ls, man.

I can't hear you.
You don't ha...

Whoa!

If I was to fight you
one-on-one,

I would kick
your f*cking a*s.

You know who
you're not gonna beat up?

What?
Me.

Because you
don't have ba*ls, man.

I can't hear you.
You don't ha...

What a d*ck.

He was f*cking disgusting.

I know.
It's all good, though.

It's good. It's good.
We're good.

What a dirtbag.

That was the funniest thing.

Ryan was like...
[Whistles]

[Laughs]

The guy was a d*ck,

And I felt like,
for the first time,

Ryan was doing the right thing.

Yo, rog, you all right, man?
We're fine.

Yeah, we're good, we're good,
we're good, we're good.

No, we're good, we're good,
we're good, we're good.

You tossed him
right into a bamboo dude!

Turn around.
What do you want, baby?

Yo! Ryan just threw someone
into a bouncer.

Nice.

Yo, this kid was talking
mad sh*t,

And ryan was like...
Are you kidding me?

Without me?

It was
the funniest thing ever.

He threw him into a bouncer.

Homeboy came up to me
and got right in my face.

Who?

The kid in the black shirt
that was bothering mike earlier.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, "yo, f*ck you!

If you're by yourself, I'll beat
the f*ck out of you."

I'm like... I picked him up,
and I threw him.

Oh, my god.
Which kid was this?

The one
that was bothering mike.

My man ryan is a hardhead.

Ryan is where
the fights always are.

So stay away from ryan,
and you'll be fine.

That was so f*cked up
for a minute.

I know.
That's why I got mad too

'Cause, like,
who the f*ck does that?

Was I wrong?
No, you were completely not.

Yo, that guy was talking
so much sh*t.

He came up to you and was like,
"I wanna f*ck you up."

He was like, "yo, if you
were here by yourself,

I'd f*ck you up."

I heard him!
Life is short, baby.

You need a shot for that.

I definitely feel like
problem solved.

That's the only guy at this
party irritating us all night.

They see
what ryan's capable of.

Nobody's gonna step to us.

So what could possibly go wrong?

Yo! Yo, yo, yo!
Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Lookit, lookit,
lookit, lookit!

Whoo!
Fight, fight!

All of a sudden, I don't even
know what happened.

There's so much different stuff
going on.

It's just like,
how did this happen?

Like, we went from taking shots
to people throwing shots.

[Crowd shouting]

Hey, pauly.

Just chill, chill.
I work here.

Yo, f*ck that!

This is, like, a big,
all-out brawl.

I mean,
punches are being thrown,

People are being shoved.

Bouncers are grabbing everybody,
kicking people out.

I don't know what's going on.
It's a big melee.

[Overlapping shouting]

Chill, chill,
chill, chill, vinny.

Where the f*ck is pauly?

Pauly's behind me!
Pauly's behind you.

Ron!

Where the f*ck's
my boyfriend?

Wait, where's my boyfriend?

Yo, sam's over there!

This fight is huge...

Probably the biggest fight
I've ever seen in seaside.

Stop!

Stop!
Stop!

Roger, relax, relax.
Stop.

All I'm doing
with roger right now

Is trying to hold him back

Because I don't want him
to get in trouble.

Like, just walk away.

Relax, relax.
Stop!

Stop!
I know who you are.

I know who you are.

Relax!
Stop!

No, we good, we good.

I see roger,
and I see jenni.

And I see him, like,
get hit to the ground,

And I'm like, "oh, my god, like,
what the f*ck just happened?"

Jenni, you all right?
You all right?

Relax!
Who the f*ck are you?

Roger, roger, roger-
you're a f*cking d*ck, bro!

Roger!