06x05 - Merp Walk

[bunniefuu]

Ooh!

It's official.

Did you change your facebook status?

Look at his face. [Giggles]

fight! Fight!

How did this happen?

Like, we went from taking shots to people throwing shots.

Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going to jersey shore, b*tch!

All right, we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

after I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny! Go, vinny!

You like the boobs?

♪ Do something crazy ♪

come here, come here, come here.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

You guys, stay with him.

[All shouting]

stop, stop, stop.

It is scary, and it is a crazy, crazy brawl right now

in the middle of bamboo.

Everybody, back up. Everybody, back up.

Punches are being thrown, people are being shoved,

bouncers are grabbing everybody and kicking people out.

Roger's laying out bouncers or something.

Nuts.

Stop!

Stop!

Stop! Stop!

Relax, relax. Stop!

I know who you are. I know who you are.

Stop! Relax!

The only thing I remember next

is that roger pushed me down, and I'm f*cking livid.

Oh, chill, chill, chill. Relax. Relax.

Relax! Who are you?

Who the f*ck are you? I got it, I got it, I got it.

I'm not throwing the drink in roger's face to be malicious,

even though I'm pissed off.

I'm trying to throw the drink in his face to be like,

"like, check yourself, bro.

Seriously, check your f*cking self."

You're a f*cking d*ck, bro!

It's chaos right now.

I'm just like, "you know what? This is too much.

We have to get out of here."

Move! Move! Move!

Let's get the f*ck out of here.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Gotta go.

What just happened?

You're a d*ck, man.

Stop. Everyone, stop. Everyone, stop.

Stay the f*ck together.

All right, stay together.

Roger, just stop.

Excuse me!

We've been together two years. Really?

Stop. You f*cking pushed me.

Excuse me!

What the f*ck just happened? Oh.

You all right? Mm-mm.

Oh, man. Mm-mm.

My a- my ankle just snapped.

I could care less about her.

I know, man. Me too.

He just f*cking didn't even realize it was me

when he f*cking threw me on the ground.

Told this chick a million times,

"don't get involved when boys are fighting."

Stop, stop, stop, stop. Don't get involved...

I'm not getting in- when boys are fighting!

I'm not getting involved. I tried to stop you.

So I threw a f*cking- 'cause you're gonna stop me!

Yeah, I'm gonna sto- I'm gonna stop you.

You're gonna stop me. I said, "stop, bro."

I threw a drink in your face to calm you the f*ck down.

He didn't know it was you. He didn't know it was you.

Is that what happened? He didn't know it was you.

Yeah.

Sit down.

Chicks have no business being involved in a guy's life.

Yo, dude, stop it. Sit down.

What does she do every time?

Get involved. Sit down.

Yeah, dude, same sh*t. Every f*cking time.

Shut up about it, though. Let it go.

When roger's mad, he really doesn't know his own strength.

And because of that, he doesn't know how hard he shoved me.

Like, you're a d*ck, dude.

You shoved me really hard, and you need to apologize.

Jenni, stop it, please. I love you.

I'm not mad at him. He didn't recognize me.

I know you're not. Beautiful, I know that.

He didn't know. He didn't recognize me.

I recognized you the entire time!

Shut the f*ck up! Jenni, I know this.

Then why- why did you throw me?

You threw me to the ground. You deserved it.

Jenn, just come on.

Are you kidding me?

I'm not gonna be one for the dramatics tonight,

and I'm gonna go home.

Like, there's cops, there's chaos.

People are all over the street.

The worst thing I can do right now

is continue arguing with roger on the street

'cause we'll both get arrested.

What the f*ck happened, j?

No idea.

Who was fighting?

No idea. I just saw roger fighting.

So wait, he threw you down?

Yeah, he launched me across the club.

And when he did that,

all the f*cking bouncers bum-rushed him

'cause he was gonna swing on me!

He was legit...

The bouncers stopped roger from swinging on me.

God, jenni.

Seven bouncers threw him outside.

You really think roger would hit you like that?

That's what I was just trying to ask him.

I was like, "yo, did you acknowledge

that that was just me right now?"

He goes, "yeah."

He's like, "why you getting in guys' fights?"

I don't think he would hit you like that.

Mm? I was like a f*cking chicken wing.

No, but, jenni... You love him.

Roger putting his hands on jenni sucks

'cause I really like roger.

And I like jenni and roger together,

but I don't think a man should put a hand on a girl.

Yeah, dude, I seen this going down, bro.

I think my ankle's broken.

The bouncer grabbed me, he's like pulling me,

"we've been through this before!"

Bamboo sucks, I think. Hell, yeah.

Thanks, d.

Yo, we can only last in there a half an hour.

Where's roger? Gone.

Can I call him?

Yeah, you can call him all you want.

He doesn't want to speak to me.

All right, so- he does, jenni, stop.

What? I didn't see roger.

What happened with him?

He was with me. Yeah?

[Dial tone, dialing]

right now I'm worried that roger got arrested

because I don't know who he hit, what happened.

This guy has a job. He can't be getting arrested.

So it's like, sh*t.

[Phone line rings] hello?

Yo, you all right, my dude?

Had to make sure you're not locked up and sh*t.

I didn't feel like dealing with her sh*t.

I think jenni f*cking sprained her ankle.

Oh, god, is she playing the victim already?

Dude, you know what, man,

go play that victim sh*t with somebody else.

Yeah, dude, all right.

I just want to make sure you're okay.

I didn't throw one punch, but my girl still thinks

that she has to control me.

She's gotta control me

'cause I'm so out of control.

You won't be seeing me out anymore, bro.

I'm too old for that sh*t. No, I know.

Rog, you're ma- you're mad right now, rog.

Come on. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

With the phone call with roger, he seems really pissed off,

you know, he sounds really heated.

He's all like, "I'm not coming back to seaside."

Like, he's all getting angry and sh*t right now.

This is not good for jen and roger whatsoever.

♪ Somebody is out there for me ♪

♪ I know there is somebody ♪

♪ I'll learn to love too ♪

♪ and there is somebody ♪

♪ who will be almost like you ♪

♪ I'll be almost happy ♪

♪ as I was ♪

like, I don't know what's going on.

Jenni, I have bad news. Oh, my god.

Come here. Come here. Deena just got arrested.

What? Deena just got arrested.

What? D, what happened?

D, what happened?

So waking up this morning, heading to the house,

and I walk in and everyone's still sleeping.

I'm like, "ha ha, you f*ck are hung over,

and I'm not."

But then I see jenni, and she's like, limping,

and I'm like, "what the f*ck happened last night?"

I don't know how to explain it.

I just saw roger doing his like, "come on" to someone.

Woof.

So I tell him to stop.

Throws me across the club.

No. I get up.

One of them help, I get up,

I throw a drink in his face, bamboo bouncers take him out.

Like, "are you f*cking crazy? Almo...

You almost hit me."

Shut up.

I chase him down the f*cking street,

he goes, "f*ck you. You trying to act

like you fight like a f*cking dude."

I was like, "no, I was just trying to stop you."

He was like, "get the f*ck outta here."

He bounced.

Oh, my god. Mm-hmm. I'm pissed.

I can't go out tonight if my foot's like this.

You want to go check that out? Yes.

So let's go to the doctor.

Last night, I feel like I took a hard fall

and my ankle still f*cking hurts.

Like, this hurts, so I need to go get it checked out.

You gonna call him? Or...

He's not gonna call you, probably.

So mean. Like, I feel like he should, on some level,

apologize.

I tried to apologize- maybe 'cause

the adrenaline, it just wasn't happening.

Yeah, but today. Well, yeah, today.

He didn't call, he didn't anything.

But still...

I'm pretty angry at roger right now.

I'm not angry with the actual fight.

I'm angry, like, he pushed me away after the fight.

Like, that's what hurts me the most right now.

You wanna go to the beach or do you wanna go to the gym?

Gym.

Let's... Let's go. I'm ready to go.

Today, I feel like complete sh*t from last night,

so I'm like, "let's go to the gym

so I can work this off."

Is roger mad at jenni?

Yeah. Why?

'Cause she shouldn't be involved.

Roger's a -year-old man.

Like, she doesn't want him fighting,

so she felt like she would protect him.

That's how it...

That's how our mentality is.

You guys think 'cause you guys can scrap with each other,

and you gir... Like, you get punched in the face by a dude,

you... You're done.

Very rare, in this world, can any girl

protect a guy in a fight.

So I'm taking roger's side because when a fight breaks out,

I believe a girl should be nowhere near the fight.

I get it, we shouldn't be fighting

in any guy fight whatsoever.

It's not right. I completely agree.

But it's an instinct.

I don't think, like, roger and ron understand.

Like, women have

that same urge to protect someone they care about.

Even though it may not be, like, the right circumstances

or any right situation dealing with a men's fight,

it's just we have the same instinct.

I know you guys just want to protect us.

You don't want nothing to happen to us,

but that we don't want nothing to happen to you.

And that's why we get mad when you get involved.

I'm like, "what are we doing?"

We're, like, fighting over somebody else's problems.

That's when you know it's, like, sh*t's messed up.

Stop fighting with me. I'm telling you I love you.

[Laughs] you're the one that... I don't know.

Ugh, I can't get out.

[Groans]

you look like me. Like...

In slippers, hung over, beat up.

Yeah. Going to the doctor's.

I'm worried about jenni

because, you know, she's saying her ankle hurts.

And I know jenni.

She can be a little dramatic sometimes.

But, you know, she's been taking care of me

for, like, four years now,

and I feel like it's my time to take care of jenni.

Any discomfort when I pull? Oh, yeah.

That hurts, okay. How about when I pull back?

Yup. Good.

Any pain when I evert?

Uh-huh! I'm sorry.

So, jenni, you know, you have a lot of tenderness

in the middle part of your ankle area.

And with that, you know, inflammation there,

I want to get an x-ray to make sure you don't have a fracture.

Okay? Okay.

The nurse is gonna come in and get you

and do an x-ray, and then I'll do a wet read right now.

All right. Thank you.

Sure, no problem.

I'll be back to tell you what the x-ray shows

in a couple minutes, okay?

Jenni has to get an x-ray,

um, you know, to see if she broke her ankle.

And, you know, obviously, I want her to be fine,

but if she did break her ankle, I could have possibly,

you know, a buddy this summer.

Any chance you're pregnant? No, she doesn't have sex.

Okay, we're gonna take three pictures of your ankle.

Cool vacation.

[Laughs] just give me a second.

I need to get away from this radiation room.

Yeah, stay away.

[Machine beeps] okay.

Oh.

Can you tell me how tall I am? Of course.

'".

What is she? Come on, you be honest now.

'". What?

Oh, my god!

I remember being '" my whole life,

and now I'm shrinking to '".

What is she gonna be at like, or ?

Maybe our ruler's off.

This is just really embarrassing.

Just keep that a secret.

[Laughs]

what is wrong with me? [Laughs]

nicole could qualify for disability at '".

Now she really can qualify for disability.

She might as well get the handicapped sticker.

Jenni, hi. I have bad news.

Oh, my god.

I was hoping that it was just a sprain,

but looking at your foot,

there's evidence of what's called a navicular fracture.

So I'm gonna put you in a splint,

which is a temporary type of cast

to kind of immobilize your foot.

And we're gonna put you on some crutches.

I don't want your weight bearing on it at all.

You're gonna need to see an orthopedic surgeon, okay?

[Laughs] I need a surgery?

You need to see a bone specialist

because this might be something that either needs to be

in a cast or in some sort of boot

to help promote healing, okay?

Oh, my god! [Laughs]

what happened? Jenni broke her foot.

No way.

It's fractured? Yeah.

She might have to get surgery. They might have to amputate.

Wow.

Deena, right now, is beyond gone.

I'm talking space-cadet gone.

[Bird chirps]

I have bad news. Oh, my god.

Looking at your foot,

there's evidence of what's called a navicular fracture.

Let me show you what the navicular looks like.

So the doctor comes in and says we have a problem.

And I'm like, "well, no, we don't."

And she goes, "we kinda do

because you have a navicular fracture."

"The bone that's hurting you

"is actually showing up on the x-ray machine

as a fracture," and I want to scream.

Oh, f*ck, come on.

I'm sorry.

Hey, I'm pregnant. We can be friends.

[Laughs]

whoo-hoo! I got a buddy now.

This is not the disability shore house.

I'm sorry.

I love this! [Laughs]

I'm gonna fashion a cust...

I'm gonna fashion a custom splint for you.

Okay?

What does she do when she showers?

This is not a cast.

It's temporary, so when she needs to shower, she can...

Does she need a cast?

She might. I'm not an orthopedist.

We should go check that out.

So when the doctor says that jenni

needs to be off her feet,

obviously I'm, like, psyched.

Now I have a friend, like, you know,

I'm disabled being pregnant.

She's disabled

by breaking her ankle.

The roomies are so gonna think you're exaggerating.

I know.

Can we have a note from the doctor saying what she did?

Can I bring that book home?

'Cause no one's gonna believe her.

Can you write down what bone I fractured?

[Laughs]

cool.

My summer in seaside in crutches.

Well, you're not gonna be in them the whole time.

I could possibly have to need surgery.

I doubt it.

I wonder how long this will...

You're gonna have to have it on.

Now I'm definitely not calling him.

I'm pissed. [Laughs]

I really can't believe the fact

that it's roger's fault this happened,

and I'm the one that's in crutches.

Make sure you elevate it and ice it.

All right. No high-heeled shoes,

and really try to limit weight-bearing.

Don't walk on it, okay?

Try to use your crutches

as much as possible until you see the orthopedist.

How long do you think she'll be handicapped for?

Yeah, so most fractures take between four and six weeks.

Ooh! Your summer's over. Whoo-hoo!

Yeah, I'm sorry.

My armpits already hurt. [Laughs]

f*ck my life. This is awesome!

I hate you. [Chuckles]

he said jenni blew up the bathroom this morning.

Oh, bro.

Vin, you have no idea, bro.

I thought I sh*t in there. That's so gross.

I will say that I felt bad for roger last night.

I don't think jenni was too nice.

I had this conversation with sammi.

Me and sam almost got into a fight over it.

From a guy's point of view, like,

she threw a drink on her man, you know what I mean?

No, you know what, bro? When the two guys are fighting,

you don't get involved. I can't agree more.

I don't care if it's instinct, you want to protect your man...

You're gonna get hurt. You're...

You're gonna get f*cking hurt. Jenni went to the hospital.

Jenni thinks that roger pushed her

and tried to swing at her

when that- that's not the case.

Yo, not for nothing.

She's been gone all day.

You know she's gonna milk it.

Watch her come back with a cast, yo.

She gets an injury every year.

Yeah.

[Laughs]

jenni definitely is the girl that cries wolf.

She overplays everything, you know?

A burnt hand, hurt ankle.

Like, all she does is really b*tch.

She should've went to bitching university

and graduated with a b*tch-achelor's degree.

[Chuckles]

going out? Let's go.

Are we taking the boardwalk or the street?

This sucks.

Ew, it smells like vag*na.

Hello?

Where the hell were you guys all day?

Doctor.

This is really a bummer because I feel like

I can't go to the club and wear heels.

I can't go to the gym. I'm gonna get fat.

I can't walk down the boardwalk.

I can't work at the t-shirt shop.

Like, everything that I know as a human being with two feet

has come to an end.

Are you gonna bring the crutch to karma?

I have to be in a cast for four to six weeks.

She has to. I feel terrible. That sucks.

I would hate... Ugh. Yeah.

Hey, girl. Hi.

Jenni, how are you feeling?

Ugh. Look.

Oh, my god.

Just guess what happened, like...

Did you break it? Broke "limb-aments"?

Chipped a bone.

Oh, my god.

So she's on it...

She's on crutches for four to six weeks.

She has to wear, like, a cast.

Now it's to another level.

I'm like, now, like, you...

Like, if... If roger did anything, and he hurt you to a point

where you fractured your foot, like, that's kind of messed up.

I would, like, be freaking out.

I am.

So you're f*cked.

She can't work out or anything.

Oh, my god, what a f*cking mess, j.

I'm actually shocked that, you know,

jenni actually fractured her ankle

'cause I wasn't sure if she was just being dramatic.

Hey, girls. Hey, guys.

Jenni's coming out with us tonight?

Yeah.

See what happened to her? No.

Her leg's broke.

Ron, you look so drunk right now.

Her leg's broken? Yeah, she's in a cast.

It's broke. [Raspberries]

jenni, I love you to death,

but your name should be "carton,"

because no matter what,

you're f*cking always milkin' this b*tch!

Your girl's got a broken ankle.

Who does? Jenni.

No, she don't.

What happened? Jenni broke her foot.

No way. Jenni's...

No, it's like she... It chipped. It's in a cast?

It says, "I chipped it falling on it."

You know what happened? What?

Jenni broke her leg.

It's fractured? Yeah.

No. No, she's in a cast.

[Snickers]

what kind of cast? Called it, by the way.

She might have to get surgery. They might have to amputate.

Wow.

Jenni is definitely being overdramatic about her injury.

If she's like, "I'm only trying

"to punch him in his face to protect him,

"so I don't think it was right for him to push me.

"And I don't know if I'm ever gonna talk

to that d*uche bag again."

♪ I close my eyes and count to three ♪

♪ to hide how much you mean to me ♪

♪ when oh ♪

♪ it starts to show ♪

are you all right?

I'm really getting depressed over this, but whatever.

The more I think about what happened with my ankle,

the more upset I'm becoming.

He's a d*ck.

Yeah. I'm not calling him.

Wait, why won't you call him?

No, he knew it was me. I mean, he shoved me.

That wasn't okay. You don't do that to someone.

Do you think this is like a...

You guys could break up because of this?

What would you do?

You definitely have to talk about it,

'cause that's, like, not all right.

What would you do?

Yeah, I'd want to talk to him about it,

not now, but that can't happen, you know?

You guys have been through so much, and, like, you know,

it'll be hard just to walk away from something like that.

Yeah, like, you live together and sh*t, yeah.

But...

I don't know where my relationship stands right now.

Nothing like this has ever happened,

and that's what pisses me off.

And I'm kind of, like, shocked about it.

Like, I just don't get it.

Like, why did this have to happen?

♪ Boy, will you ever ♪

♪ surrender? ♪

It's so weird that you're getting drinks right now.

I know, f*ck you guys.

I'm starting to be a waitress.

That's for you.

Wow, thank you.

f*ck you guys. [Laughter]

can I give you a hug? Sure.

It's very hard for me to deal with drunk people

when I'm extremely sober.

All right, let me just back up for a second,

just in case I gotta superman a m*therf*cker.

Going to karma tonight, kid.

It's a good group going down.

I got angelo, dino, my uncle sal.

He's funnier than everybody.

Get out.

Ronnie in there, taking a sh*t!

Ron.

Can I sh*t in peace, please?

Yes. [Laughs] can you- can I sh*t in peace?

My makeup's in there, f*ck.

Look like a f*cking oreo cookie right now, son.

[Scoffs]

[grunts]

can't do that with a broken ankle.

Even though my ankle may be busted,

I'm not gonna let this ruin my summer.

Oh, man.

Jenni got a cast, kid.

I'm still gonna go to karma, and I'm gonna get wasted,

and I'm gonna make a fool of myself.

Boobs. Bam, bam, bam, bam.

Hi. Hello.

What's up? How are you?

Where are you going? Going to karma.

You're coming?

But I'm sitting all the way in the back.

I am going to karma tonight,

but it's not gonna be the karma to where I'm dancing around

on bars, like, showing my kooka.

Uncle nino there yet? Probably.

Yeah, man.

This time I'm just going to karma with jenni

to just relax and, you know, be disabled together.

And it's not gonna be crazy.

♪ I like them girls who just wanna have fun ♪

♪ have fun, have fun ♪

♪ ooh hoo ♪

♪ have fun, have fun ♪

♪ ooh hoo ♪

pauly, this is uncle sal. I know. How are you?

Hey. What's up?

Are you wearing a suit? Why are you wearing a suit?

Oh, pauly!

♪ Party, party, party ♪

♪ is all she want to do ♪

♪ and if you're going to a party ♪

♪ then she's rolling with you ♪

huge group with us tonight.

We got my whole family. Uncle nino's in the building.

We got ryan, we got chris.

Everybody has somebody there tonight,

and it's a huge group.

♪ Now, go, go, watch her go ♪

so, you know, we're kind of creating

our own party right now in karma.

I don't even know what's going on.

♪ Some fun, have fun, have fun ♪

yo, can you get us two more, hard sh*t?

What do I look like?

I'll go. No.

Are you grabbing drinks? Yeah.

Wait, I need drinks.

What do you want? I'll give you money.

That's for you.

Wow, thank you.

f*ck you guys. [Laughter]

you're probably like, "I f*cking wanna dance right now."

I don't want to dance. I want to drink.

I feel like next summer, you know, I'll...

I might be dancing on bars,

but I'll try not to show my kooka because I'm a mom now.

But if it does slip out, I mean, sh*t does happen.

Yay!

Jenni, what happened to your foot, baby girl?

Roger pushed me. Jenni!

Jenni! Jenni! J! I'm sorry.

Does he know you hurt your foot?

Yo, shut the f*ck up, yo!

Oh! Oh!

Uncle nino is supposedly my mother's brother.

Uncle nino, we're both disabled.

But I don't know how this guy is related to me

or anybody in my family,

because he is the uncle that,

like, you don't want to leave your kids around.

I wouldn't do that.

[Crowd ohs] oh!

Give me a kiss. Mwah!

All: oh!

Roger!

Roger, wherever the f*ck you are...

[Laughs] you can go f*ck yourself!

I'm so drunk.

The alcohol is masking

the pain of both roger and my ankle,

and I'm just having a blast.

Turn around. Spin around.

Slow! Slow!

Get out. Get the f*ck out!

Did you feel a b*ner? Ah, no!

I sat off to the side.

You definitely just gave him a semi.

Eww!

[Techno music]

♪ ♪

Oh, my god!

Ah! Oh, okay.

The ladies always love the situation.

Oh, look at mike!

He's got a girlfriend. What?

A girlfriend.

Jenni looks at me, and then she says,

"he's got a girlfriend."

And I was, like, in disbelief. Like, "what?"

Like, "are you for real?"

Why is she behaving like a f*cking b*tch?

f*ck you, ryan!

I don't know why I feel like

I shouldn't be up mike's a*s when it comes to him

talking to other girls, but I'm gonna make sure

paula doesn't get f*cked over by mike.

I'm single. I love chicks, chicks love me.

But I just need to just walk away

and get some air because, you know,

the last thing I want to do is hurt paula.

Hi!

Can I give you a hug? What?

Can I give you a hug? Sure.

It's, you know, very hard for me to deal with drunk people

when I'm extremely sober.

People annoy me after, like, a second.

Let's do some shots.

I can't. I don't drink anymore.

Oh, stop it.

I just got out of rehab. I don't drink.

We'll pretend these are water shots.

You can get me water.

Whatever situation you're in, you need something...

No, no. I appreciate it.

All right, let me just back up for a second,

just in case I gotta superman a m*therf*cker.

I don't like people f*cking with me,

and it's not a good idea to f*ck with me.

I'm an extremely aggressive dude that is ripped up like rambo

and that can jump and kick like van damme.

It's not a good idea to mess with this a*s.

Ugh! Are you all right?

Nah, I'm all right, I'm all right.

You're on edge. I see it.

I'm about to jack somebody.

That's him? That's him? That's him?

Yeah. Who?

Don't worry about it. We got you.

Relax. Come wait over here.

Pauly!

Girl's real ride-or-die for you, you know what I mean,

you gotta do it the right way.

So you're officially off the market, kid.

I don't know if there's a thermostat in hell,

but hell has to be frozen over right now.

Big move, big dog.

Slap my butt, no way.

Meatballs!

I mean, I'm just, like, a picture of fun.

I miss my meatball.

Aww.

I feel alone. Aww.

[Techno music]

that's him? That's him?

That's him? Yeah.

Don't worry about it. We got you.

Relax. Come over here. Come over here.

Pauly!

You good?

Good? Yeah, I'm all right.

All right, let me know. Yeah, I'm fine.

I don't know why I'm getting heated tonight.

You know, I'm just slowly adjusting

to going to a club and not drinking.

[Groans]

but I'm tired, and I just want to go home

before I really jack somebody up good.

♪ Figured I should go, go, go now ♪

♪ before you get home ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I saw the time was through ♪

♪ you never said you'd settle down now ♪

whoo, oh, this is fantastic. Nobody's home right now.

♪ ♪

[Dialing]

[phone line rings] hello?

Yo. What's up?

No, I just wanted to call and let you know

I just got home or whatever, so, um, uh...

Did you get home safe and everything?

Did you have a good time?

No, I didn't have a good time tonight at all.

What happened?

I don't know, I just felt like I wanted to fight everybody.

You're in a bad mood? Yeah.

Aww. You need a back rub.

Actually, if you want to just come over, you know,

and whatever, just snuggle or something,

you... I'm sure you could just probably come over then,

and I'll be up, and- and stuff like that.

All righty. Make sure you stay up.

Don't go to bed. All right.

All right. Bye, babe.

[Dial tone]

all right, guys.

I feel like I forgot something.

Too much uncle nino.

Uncle nino overload right now.

Whoa. [Laughs]

smells like onions in here.

Smells, like, weird.

I wish there was more drinks to bring.

I get home, and I'm just like,

"I wanna keep drinking.

Yo, sorry for partying. I just wanna have fun."

[Laughter]

aah!

Oh! [Laughs]

really?

That was my best time.

I'm really upset.

I have f*cking

lost my best ball...

That I won the other night. And I won that sh*t.

[Laughs]

I'm mad because of this f*cking ball.

And that's all.

Oh, that rhymed.

I'm a poet, and I didn't even know it.

[Knocks]

what? Herro.

Yo, paula, what's good, girl?

So it's, like, : a.m. Right now,

and paula's at the front door.

I'm like, "this is perfect. I'm gonna bring her right up

"to mike, 'cause mike was sleeping,

and here's the perfect gift for mike."

Mike, look what I got.

Hey, come here. Yeah, buddy.

Look what I got. Hi, baby.

[Laughs]

give him a minute. I'll let you two be.

Paula, good to see you.

Come here. What happened?

I'm really sticky, I'm not gonna lie.

It's all good.

I had a rough night.

And, um, I've really been thinking

that paula has just been there

for, you know- through thick and thin for me.

And, um, paula's my ride-or-die chick.

♪ Take me back to where we started ♪

♪ 'cause I'm afraid I lost it ♪

♪ all ♪

♪ wasted all my second chances ♪

♪ how far does forgiveness ♪

♪ go? ♪

♪ ♪

Come on, get up, sam!

I'm auditioning you to be a meatball.

All right.

Don't make any sudden moves.

I just... I didn't even brush my hair this morning.

I just wanted to go out.

Today's my meatball day. Today's your meatball day?

Yeah.

Meatballs are people that like to drink, like to have fun,

have free spirits,

and they have no rules and regulations.

Do you guys wanna pretend to be meatballs today?

I'd love that.

Can you hang? Can we hang?

I mean, what time is it, and you're drinking?

Yeah, whoo!

So I'm just starting to take shots

with these random girls, and now they're gonna pretend

to be my meatballs.

You have to dance. That's what a meatball does.

Okay.

Oh, you- you guys fail.

Right now, nicole would be right here.

Everybody I'm auditioning for meatballs

really isn't that good at being a meatball.

This is my best song!

Come on.

But you have to deal with what you got, you know?

Do you wanna be a meatball?

Whoo-hoo!

[Blow-dryer blowing]

[knock at door]

hi, delivery for michael sorrentino.

Oh, wow.

Last night, me and paula had a really good night.

Not only did we have a good night,

but you know, the girl sent me

some chocolate-covered strawberries

and chocolate-covered bananas in the morning

after the good sex.

So that deserves an official statement.

For paula being so nice to me last night,

and me being in a bad mood, I might have to...

Get her something?

I'm gonna... And I think I'm gonna ask like...

"Will you go out with me"? Yeah. Yeah.

Whoa. Yeah.

[Laughs] oh!

Yeah, that's just the way you're supposed to do it.

Slap my butt, no way.

He's about to take himself off the market,

and that's serious.

I don't know if there's a thermostat in hell,

but hell has to be frozen over right now.

Girl's real ride-or-die for you, you know what I mean,

you gotta do it the right way.

Whoa, that's a big move, big dog.

So you're officially off the market, kid.

That's a big move, big dog.

Right now, there might be a mrs. Situation

on our hands coming in seaside.

Better make sure, kid.

There ain't no coming back from that.

I feel so sorry for that girl.

She found the combination to, uh...

Your heart?

My... The situation safe.

It was, uh, good sex, and, uh,

some chocolate-covered strawberries in the morning.

I thought it was butt sex.

Yeah.

Come on, meatballs.

Meatballs! [Crowd cheers]

I'm bombed right now.

Whoo!

I mean, I am just, like, a picture of fun.

If you see "fun" in the dictionary, my face is there.

I'm gonna cry.

Then i, like, realize, like, I'm really sad right now.

I miss nicole.

What's the matter?

I miss my meatball. Aww.

I feel alone. Aww.

Nobody wants to play, and I'm by myself.

Aww.

This is the end of an era.

I'm a mess.

[Sobs]

I'm by myself, I feel.

I need to walk to the liquor store.

I don't want to walk there by myself.

Why do we gotta go to the liquor store?

Why- by myself...

[Laughter]

why am I crying? This is so stupid.

Even though I'm sad right now...

Where's my drink?

I still wanna have my meatball day.

Like, screw it.

Whoa. [Laughs]

whoa. Mad space. I don't know what to do with it.

I'm drunk. I'll hug you.

I am drunk.

I love myself.

I'm, like, wasted.

Oh, the sun is out!

[Laughs] I just love being myself.

That's all.

Can you just give me a ball?

Can you give me the ball? You can win it.

I want the ball.

For . Which one do you want?

This is fine. You want another blue...

No, these ones. You want green, blue, purple, or red?

Ivan, don't f*ck with her game.

She needs to concentrate.

All right!

I still win the prize, though, right?

Which one do you want, sweetheart?

Can I get the blue one? Do you want a blue one?

I'm gonna give you a blue one. Yeah.

Yeah! Thank you.

There you are.

Yay. [Chuckles]

whoo! Big winner going out here.

Yay. Thank you. Yay!

I appreciate it.

Oh, gosh. Put underwear on.

Hello?

Hey.

Only I would bust my a*s at the club in a wheelchair.

You were wasted when I left you.

Yeah, I don't even remember that.

Dancing with your crutches, putting on stilettos,

I'm like, "as*h*le,

you're gonna break your other foot."

No, so I went into the club,

found a wheelchair somehow,

fell, like, backwards in it.

You're such an idiot.

My a*s hurts so bad. I feel like I broke my a*s bone.

I'm jealous.

I don't know why jenni's being so fun without me.

She's so annoying.

I'm like, "cool. Like, why couldn't you do this

when I wasn't pregnant?"

So you don't wanna do anything?

[Scoffs] I wanna crawl into a hole.

I'm miserable right now.

I don't know if it's from drinking, or...

It's from drinking. Yeah.

Mm, come on.

You're my meatball.

Oh, we're here.

Danny!

Danny, I need you!

I need you!

How are you by yourself,

and who let you out of the house like that?

I need a meatball. I need somebody.

You don't need anybody. You need coffee.

Wanna get a coffee?

No, I don't want a coffee. Yeah, you need a coffee.

Steve, do you wanna be my meatball?

Let steve out! Le- [laughs]

[laughs]

no falling. Come on.

I don't have insurance for that kind of stuff here.

I don't wanna walk to the liquor store by myself.

Escort her to the liquor store.

All right. Make sure...

Will you get a drink with me?

Make sure nothing bad happens to her.

So danny tells me, "you can take steve,

but you can't take him for long."

And I'm like, "that's fine. It's just an audition.

Come on, steve, let's go."

Yay! Whoo!

You're my f*cking meatball.

I'm so thirsty.

You wanna just go walking for a little bit?

I was waiting for this b*tch deena,

but I don't know where she went.

Probably not coming back.

She's by herself. She's gotta come back.

I need to eat something. All right.

Deena wakes up me and sam this morning,

she's like, "let's go have a meatball day."

So me and sam wake up, deena's nowhere to be found,

so we go get some breakfast.

I wanna touch your boobs.

Ooh, it is hot out.

Aah! I'm dizzy.

Hi. Hi, steve.

Ron! Hey! Oh, my goodness!

So we run into deena right now at spicy's,

and she is beyond gone.

I'm talking space-cadet gone.

Give me your glasses. Give me your glasses.

You're wasted. No, I'm not.

What did you give her?

But you are. No, I'm not.

She don't even know where she is.

She's speaking baby lorenzo language right now.

Give me your glasses. She gave it away.

I want your glasses.

Our meatball deena is back.

Whoo-hoo!

There's more {\i}jersey shore{\i} on the way,

and it starts right now.

Give me your glasses. Give me your glasses.

[Laughs]

ronnie!

Whoa! Get up!

You trying to kiss the ground?

Get her up. Are you okay?

She's trying to kiss the ground.

Did I just miss that?

Deena is beyond wasted right now.

This is great. She can barely stand up.

She's, like, mumbling words.

I can't even understand what she's saying.

I love drinking during the day.

This is great.

There's definitely cars on this street.

This is a blast, huh?

This is a blast. You gotta stop here.

There's cars on this street.

Nah, this doesn't matter with cars.

This is not the boardwalk.

Where are you going?

I see people moving. Are you leaving me?

No.

There's cars on this street.

No. Shh, come on.

Steve, stop being a dad. Let's go in there for a...

I'm not being a dad. Why are you being a dad?

Not being a dad, there's traffic.

You're being a dad.

She did the dip.

She dipped out.

Let's run.

I wanna run everywhere.

Where'd she go?

I don't know. She was in the street somewhere.

She just...

[Indistinct police radio chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

[car horn honks] are you f*cking crazy?

I'm running away from you. Stop! Miss, stop!

Come here. Come here. Deena.

No, no. Yes, come here. Come here.

Come on. I'm in trouble?

Yes, oh-h*, f*ck yeah!

Miss, you're under arrest. Why?

All right, I'm taking her back inside.

I'm taking her back inside. Come on.

Let me take her back inside. No.

Deena just got arrested. What?

What? Deena just got arrested.

Come on, come on. What?

Come on, come on, come on.

Why am I in trouble?

Why am I in trouble? Because.

No, I don't wanna be in trouble. No.

[Sobbing] I don't wanna...

Go, go, go.

Why am I in trouble? Stop.

Because you're dancing in the street, okay?

You can't block traffic like that.

Do you understand? Yeah.

I didn't know I was going to get in trouble.

[Sobbing] back up, guys, back up.

Don't... Don't- don't yell at them, sam.

Don't say sh*t to the cops. No, I know, I know, I know.

No, I didn't do anything wrong.

You did.

Okay, you're extremely drunk, and you're dancing

in the street, blocking traffic.

You can't do that. Do you understand?

I didn't know. I'm sorry. It's okay.

D, what happened?

D, what happened? What happened?

We tried to tell her times, but she didn't leave.

She's getting in the car. Okay.

Busted, big-time. Deena's going to jail.

[Sobbing] relax.

That's what happens. She's going to jail.

[Sobbing] I didn't know. No, I didn't know.

[Siren wailing] no!