02x01 - Christmas Special

[bunniefuu]

It's a long time since anyone
has given me a Christmas present.

Well, I hope it's still breathing.

Oh! It's a little British joke.
It's a pair of gloves.

Oh. I see. Merci.

Do you fancy coming for a drink?

Er... no. I had better get home
to my wife.

Oh, of course. Well, er... bye, then.

FESTIVE INSTRUMENTAL

Pardon?

HE TURNS RADIO OFF

SHE SIGHS

RAISED VOICES

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

HE BREATHES SHAKILY

SHE SIGHS

SHE SHRIEKS

♪ Do you remember the first time

♪ That my eyes set on you?

♪ Your smile came from nowhere

♪ For sometime never

♪ Or sometime soon

♪ The road is a long one

♪ I was only passing through

♪ I was only passing through. ♪

Grandad? Hmm?

Did you tell Uncle Dom
the right time?

'Course I did, lad.
I'm not as daft as I look.

Uncle Patrick! Archie!

Dominic!
We thought you'd forgotten us.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
The car's been playing up again.

Oh, it's great to see you both.
And you, Uncle Dom.

How you doing, Archie?
I've been dying to see you.

Did you hear they found
a new black hole near Pluto?

I know. It's unbelievable, isn't it?

No-one around here seems to think
so. Philistines!

Right, I'll grab these for you.
Follow me. Okey doke.

How have you been? Good, good.

h*! h*-h*-h*!

Hello!

Don't ask.

You were the last person
I thought would call today.

Caron specifically asked for you.

It's such a tragedy!
Did you know his wife well?

Not really.

I don't think she liked his work
very much.

In fact, I don't think she liked him
very much at all.

I see.

Well, let's hope we can help, eh?

DOOR OPENS

What happened?!

They must have come through
the back door.

I always told her to lock it
when I wasn't home.

And where were you?!

I went for a walk.

And when I came back, I found her.

She had been stabbed in the back.

Oh! I'm so sorry. That's awful!

You found her?

Yes. Er...

I know, as a police officer,

I should not have touched
the crime scene, but...

..she's my wife.

Was my wife.

I was just trying to save her.

How could I let this happen?

Oh, you mustn't blame yourself,
Andre.

Then who do I blame?!

Who would do such an awful thing?

LOW CHATTER

Estelle.

Excuse me,
this man has just lost his wife.

English friends, eh?

Well, that makes a whole lot
of sense.

Caron and I go back a long way.
We were at the academy together.

I am Inspector Gauthier.

That's right, I'm an inspector now.

No thanks to you, of course.

Where is the m*rder weapon?

It was their own kitchen knife.

And where is it now?

It was still in the back of the victim when
they took the body away. It's now at the lab.

Would you like to tell me
your side of the story?

I went for a walk...

..came back
and found her in the chair.

What time did you go for a walk?

About 5:30pm.

And what time did you discover
the body?

About 10:00pm.

That's convenient.

Well, we all know there was no love
lost between you and Sara.

You're not saying that Caron
had anything to do with this?

Now that I think of it, you must be
this English friend I've heard about,

solving all of Caron's crimes.

Well, Miss Marple, I don't think
it will take much to solve this one.

That's all, for the time being.

Jean, you're the only one
who can help me.

My fingerprints are all over
the m*rder weapon,

I am covered in my wife's blood.

If it was anyone other than
Gauthier, I...

might have stood a chance.

You have to find who m*rder*d Sara,
or I will be sent down.

What on earth happened
between you and her?!

I, er...

..I left her for Sara.

Oh.

Thank you so much for your help,
Gloria.

Oh, my absolute pleasure.
I just love Christmas.

Here you go. Oh, mon dieu!
My favourite decoration.

MUSIC PLAYS

That is the last recording I have
of my father's voice.

I thought your dad
was a saxophonist?

He was. But when he was on tour
with Nat King Cole,

he made his own recording
in a record booth

and sent me the disc.

Record booth? Like a photo booth,

but you could make your own
vinyl records.

Oh, you know, I think I have heard
of them!

I listened to that record
until it was nearly worn out,

and then, last year, Niall had it
put into the music box.

The best present I ever had.

Outstanding Christmas husband
credentials!

h*-h*-h*-h*-h*-h*-h*!

You both look amazing!

We're doing a little charity grotto

for the dear little kiddies
at the back of the pub.

It's to raise money for the theatre,
to refurbish the dressing rooms.

They haven't been touched for years.

Grotto! But we are an elf short.

I don't mind elf-in out.

Well, you will need a costume.

Already got one, tailor-made.

Why do you have a tailor-made
elf costume?

Well, I had a fling a few
Christmases ago.

He was a tad on the dull side,

so I thought a bit of dressing up
would float his boat, so to speak.

JEREMY CHUCKLES
We've all been there.

And, er... did it?

No. He finished off me Brazil nuts
and I haven't seen him since.

Great! You can help us set up.

Thank you! Follow me, troops!

Gloria, leave the glasses on.

I have no idea why,
but they really suit you.

Yeah, you're camping in Claudie's
room for Christmas. Hope you don't mind.

Oh, she sends her love, by the way.
As does your cousin.

Ah! How is our Sandra?

Well, she got her rota from the hospital
and she's got to work all over Christmas,

so I thought you wouldn't mind
if I brought young Archie with me.

No, I'm dead chuffed.

Claudie's gone backpacking with her mate, so
it's nice to have some family here for Christmas.

Right... Hey! Not that one.

Don't want you peeking.

Hey, there's a lot of presents in there.
I hope you've been behaving yourself.

Dom, that's all in the past.
Hard-earned, these presents.

Hey, Archie?

Look at the ceiling.
Glow-in-the-dark stars.

I've arranged them all
in the correct constellations.

Oh, my God! I can't wait
till it gets dark!

At last, someone appreciates
my cosmic credulity!

You can get pills for that.

Hey, do you remember when I got you
that kaleidoscope

when we were on holiday
and you were about five, six?

Yeah, yeah.
I thought it was a telescope.

I remember looking at the sky, thinking,
why's no-one mentioned all these colours?

Great days.

MESSAGE ALERT Oops. Ahem!

Oh, my God, Caron!

You all right?

Um... yeah.

An emergency just cropped up,
so I got to pop out.

There's plenty of food
in the fridge.

No worries, we're on holiday.

Why don't you drop us off at
those Christmas markets we passed?

When in Rome and all that.

Yeah. Yeah, if you're sure.

Hey, Archie, there's an amazing
astronomy shop on the Rue de Verdun,

just by the market's square.
You'll love it.

Brilliant! What's that noise?

Oh, it's the sound of Archie
breaking my bank.

Right, here's a spare set of keys.
Come on.

So, Sara was stabbed in the back?
Good grief!

Yeah. And what I didn't mention
is the inspector working on the case

hates Caron's guts.

We've got to help him.

OK. So, where are we going?

The gallery where Sara worked.

Jean, you're not interfering
in a m*rder investigation, are you?

I know you want to help Caron,
but...

I'm just breaking the news
to Sara's employers.

How's that interfering?

Well, don't they have
the right to know?

Um... Well, don't they?

I guess so.
Right, well, let's go, then.

Bonjour. Um...

..do you mind if we speak
in English?

I'd just like to clarify
a few things.

Non, non, non, pas de probleme.

I cannot believe she has gone.

She was a hard-working woman
who was so knowledgeable.

I have lost a good friend, as well
as my best salesperson.

JEAN SIGHS

Do you know anyone who would have
a grudge against her?

No, no, no. She was highly regarded
in the art world.

Hmm! Not the warmest
of personalities,

but thoroughly respected
for her talent.

I know things were not too great
at home,

that's why she spent so much time
here,

but I didn't know that things
had got that bad.

I think you might be jumping
to conclusions there.

Serena worked very closely with her.

I do not know what I will do.

She was my mentor.

And I am lost without her.

SHE EXHALES SHARPLY

Did she have any disgruntled
clients, or...?

Everybody knew her word
was honourable.

She was a woman of great principles.

Hmm.

Well, thank you.
Thank you for your time.

Oh, and, um... may I just say

what a beautiful gallery
you've got here.

Oh, thank you!

I'll be back to have a proper look
in happier times.

We'll see ourselves out. Au revoir.

How much?!

Sh!

WHISPERS: Look at the state of them!

They're all sold, look. All sold.

Dolly Angel.
Yeah, that's a real name, innit?

Looks like she's still at school.

I've never heard of her.

You... you've never heard of her?

Well, artists are being discovered
all the time.

I think the word "artist"
might be pushing it a bit.

Triangle.

The art world's a funny old
business.

It only takes one famous art dealer
to say you're the next big thing

and everybody starts
investing in them.

Hmm.

It says here she's from Britain.

Well, I've not been back in the UK
for eight months, have I?

She might be massive there.

INCOMING CALL Oh!

SHE SIGHS Come on.

Jean, I think we need to keep
an open mind about Caron, OK?

Oh, it's a bit steep.
Please, Grandad! Go on!

Oof! Oh!

Sorry! Sorry!

Sorry, sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

We don't have much time. Inspector
Gauthier could be back at any minute.

Are you all right, mate?

This is ridiculous!

Just because you dumped her
when you were kids,

she's locked you up
in your own police station?!

All the evidence is against me,
Jean.

Hang on. You went out with her,
that's why she's got it in for you?

It was very messy.

Blimey!

And the next time our paths crossed,
we both applied for this job,

I got it,
and it made her hate me even more.

But I thought she outranked you?

Now, yes, but she will never
forgive me.

You have to help me.
I have no-one else.

Of course we will, won't we, Dom?

Yeah, of course we will, yeah. Yeah!

The answer must be in the house
somewhere.

Pass me your phone.
INCOMING CALL

My neighbour has a spare key
to my house.

I will text her to expect you.

We'll do anything we can.

Quick, she's here!
Hide! Hide behind there!

What?!

Oof!

Jean? Oh!

SHE EXHALES Right, come on!

Look, I can't this time, Jean.

I've got to get back to Uncle Patrick
and Archie. They've just got here.

Oh, right. I'm sorry.

It's OK. Sorry.

I'll help you, Mrs White.

Oh. Um... right.

Well... let's go!

Don't worry.

HE SIGHS

Thanks, Grandad. I've been
after this meteor slide for ages.

Whatever floats your boat, kid.

Hey, it's not even
Christmas Day yet!

Hey, I cannot believe
that your Uncle Dom

has still got the Santa decoration
I bought him

must be over 40 years now.

Was that the one hanging in his car?
Yeah.

Christmases we had back then.

Grandad? Hmm?

I know it sounds daft,
but I can't remember

you being around at Christmas
when I was very little.

Isn't that weird?

I had to work away for a few years
around then.

What - and they wouldn't let you
home for Christmas?

It was a very, very long way away.

Hey! Do you want another drink?

CHILD CRIES
I'm an elf, with elf ears!

And good riddance to you!

DOOR SLAMS SHUT With baubles on!

Let me get you a mulled wine,
darling.

Everything OK, Jeremy?

You have to call him Santa,
he's very method.

Elf Judith?

I hate to say this, but I'm not sure
the grotto thing is working.

I think Elf Gloria is right,
darling.

Maybe we can find another way to
raise money for the theatre.

JULIA SIGHS

Bonjour. Parlez vous Anglais?

Yes.

Andre Caron sent me for the key
for next door.

Of course.

Oh, good. Thank you. Um...

..did you see anything unusual
at the Carons' last night?

Nothing more unusual
than the normal.

Pardon?

I would not blame him at all
if he did do it.

They were always arguing,

and she was actually more
vile to him.

SARA: Arrete!

Thank you. Merci, madame.

Look, I know you shouldn't go
in there, Richard,

and you don't have to.
I can go in alone.

Caron is my boss.
I know he's innocent.

I want to do this.

JEAN SIGHS

What is Sara's password?

Who puts spiders
on a Christmas tree?

It's bizarre.

Oh!

Sara must have
Eastern European family.

Pardon? It's an Eastern European
folktale.

The story goes that a widowed mother
is too poor to decorate the tree,

so some friendly spiders spin webs
all over it.

When the mother and her family
wake up on Christmas morning,

the sunlight hits the tree,
turning the web silver and gold.

And the family have good
fortune from then on.

Hmm!

What's... what's French for spider?

Araignee.

Could you type that in?

Bingo! Ha!

Right, Sara's last email.

Could you, um... could you translate
that for me? Oui.

Dear Sara, further to our
conversation on December 6th,

here are our thoughts.

Even though we very much value
your position at the gallery,

we are finding it difficult to find
a reason to fire Serena Parle.

This is the fourth trainee
you have been deeply unhappy with.

One of which we have had to settle
out of court for wrongful dismissal.

Having said that, um...

because your skills are so integral
to the gallery,

we will go ahead with the dismissal
of Ms Parle.

But we gratefully request
that this does not happen again.

Yours, Lloyd Gelan.

So Sara was trying to get rid
of Serena!

Why did you lie to me about Sara?

This email suggests that
you're about to lose your job,

but you told me she was your mentor.

I had worked hard to get here.

A career in the art is something
that I had dreamed of

since I was a little girl,
and that jealous old witch

tried to take it away from me!

The constant bullying,

the belittling of everything
that I did!

Nothing was ever good enough
for her! Nothing!

And nobody in here
challenged her about it!

Her expertise?
It was just an excuse for bullying.

And I was her latest victim.

You know, I wish I had k*lled her.

I fantasised about it many times,

but I was never brave enough
to do it.

I would love to shake the hand
of the person that did it.

Where were you last night, Serena?

At home with my mother.

Crying in her arms
over losing my dream job.

Merci.

MESSAGE ALERT

Could you drop me at La Couronne?
Oui, bien sur.

There must be another way
to raise some money.

What about a funrun?

We used to do them in Dublin.

I'd get dressed up.
It was great craic.

That's a great idea!

Run, for fun?

What on earth is funny
about running?

I completely agree.

What about a secret Santa?

They used to have one at a garage
where I worked. It's a great laugh.

That's it! We will charge everyone
in the pub two euros to play.

And then, they have to spend
no more than five euros on a present

for whoever they draw out
of the bag.

And we can have a party here
on Christmas Eve,

and we can all swap presents.

Bravo! Great idea!

Just one thing - will I be able
to wear the Santa costume?

I think we all absolutely insist
on it.

Oh!

Ooh, there you are! I'll just get
a drink. I'll be over in a minute.

All right. Where's your grandad?

In the loo.
Dom, can I ask you a question?

When Grandad was away
when I was little, where did he go?

Oof.

Well, he was in Stafford first,

then they moved him to
an open prison.

Prison? What?!

Oh, God! Has your mam never told you
any of this?

No. My grandad was in prison?

Er... look, your grandad got into
a bit of trouble at work.

Times were hard back then

and he took a few things
that he shouldn't have done.

My grandad?!

Mm. Yeah.

I think he just wanted people
to be happy.

You know, he was always buying
presents and rounds at the bar.

Your Auntie Eunice,
God rest her soul,

always used to say it was his way
of loving people.

Only he didn't have enough money
for all that love,

so they put him in prison.

I can't believe this!

Look, Archie, look, we'll talk about
this again, all right?

Don't... don't mention it
to your grandad.

He's a smashing fella, he just made
a few mistakes, all right?

Jean, you're waiting.
What can I get you?

Oh, just a sauv blanc, please,
Niall.

Hey, Jean, there's going to be a
secret Santa here Christmas Eve. You in?

Absolutely. Great.

Hmm!

Cheers.

Oh! Hey.

You been shopping? Yes.

My... my music box, it's gone!

Someone must have stolen it!

Ridiculous!
No-one's going to take...!

Jean? This is me Uncle Patrick,
and this is me cousin's boy, Archie.

Lovely to meet you both.
You, too. Ooh!

You all right there, Patrick?

Do you know what, love,
I don't feel that great.

I think I must have overdone it.

Dom, do you mind if we go?

No. Come on, I'll take you home.

I think I just need a little
lie-down. It's been a big day. Yes.

I knew you looked familiar!

Let's find out who you really are.

KEYS CLACK

Come on! We said we'd meet Dom
for breakfast at 9:00.

I'll be down in a minute, Grandad.

I'm just looking for
my phone charger.

There's one at the side of my bed.

MUSIC PLAYS

♪ O holy... ♪

It's the same person!

I don't get it.

The doctor and Dolly Angel
the artist, it's the same person!

It took me all night, but I found
her on her agent's website.

So, she's a doctor and an artist?

No. She's a model called
Cathryn Harper.

Lloyd Gelan must have used
a stock photo of her

to make out that Dolly Angel
was a real person!

No, I'm still not with you.

I rang my dealer friend back in
England and he's never heard of her!

Dolly Angel the artist
does not exist.

Blimey!

Hang on.

Where you gone? I've lost you.

The companies that bought
and sold the paintings

are in the same conglomerate, Dom.

What does that mean?

It means that the same person bought
the paintings back off themselves.

Why would you want to do that?

I know who wanted Sara Caron dead.

Cor, I'm starving!
What are you going to have?

I thought I might order in French,

try and impress that gorgeous
landlady.

What's her name - Celine?

Yeah.

You all right, sunshine?
You seem a bit flat.

I was just thinking

what it'd be like never to hear
my mum's voice again.

Cor, what brought that
into your head?

Well, that landlady you mentioned,
Celine.

Yeah?

All that fuss in the pub last night,

Dom told me what she'd had stolen.

Right?

Her dad made her a vinyl record

in a record booth
when she was a little girl.

I remember those record booths.

Well, it turns out

her husband had the recording
of her dad

copied into a special music box
for Christmas last year.

The record was nearly worn out.

It was the last ever recording
of her dad's voice.

And somebody stole it.

Did they now?

They probably didn't know
what it meant to her.

No-one would do that
if they knew... would they?

No.

No!

Ooh, my stomach's rumbling. Come on.

Thank you for your tip-off.
We have the suspect in custody.

I'll take it from here.

But I know what I'm talking about!

I've seen this kind of
money laundering back in the UK.

Surely you need me in the interview?

Look, I'm not Caron.

I don't need some little English
woman telling me how to do my job.

So, you're going to reject
my expert help

because of your personal history
with Caron?

OK. I will lead the interview and
you will speak when you're asked to.

Do you understand? Yes.

Good.

This interview will be conducted
in English,

for the benefit of my colleague.

Where were you
on the night of Sara's m*rder

between the hours of 5:30
and 10:00pm.

You... you can't remember...

..or were you murdering Sara Caron?

So, that's how you want to play it?

How very tedious.

My colleague here thinks she knows
why you did it.

Would you like to hear her theory?

He's all yours.

You know, I thought this method
of laundering dirty money

through the art world was extinct.

God knows how you got away with it
for so long.

Small towns, eh?

Explain it to me again.

Of course.

This is how I see it.

Mr Lloyd Gelan here
would display some art

in his very respectable gallery

and create a huge buzz around
a young up-and-coming artist

that actually doesn't exist.

In this case, a certain Dolly Angel.

He would paint the canvases,

he would frame them
and he would display them,

but conveniently,

even at an astronomical price,

they would be shown as sold.

The deal had already been done,

and a big bag of dirty money
had been used to buy the paintings.

You see, in the art world,

cash is seen as a normal method
of payment.

No-one even questions it.

So Mr Lloyd Gelan here
has enabled a money launderer

to sell the paintings
back to themself

and wash the dirty money clean.

Very clever.

And nobody ever checked on you
as you were so respectable.

And looking at the records,
you only did it now and again.

I suppose those diamond rings
won't buy themselves.

Sara was onto you, wasn't she?

She knew something was wrong.

And whatever she was,
she was brutally honest.

Was she about to expose you?

You can never prove it.

Oh! It speaks!

I think you'll find we can,
Mr Gelan.

We have seized possession
of your shop,

your bank accounts,
all your documents.

You will have slipped up somewhere.

And we have your face on CCTV

near the Carons' house
on the night of Sara's death.

How did you work it out?

Well, um... it all started
with a charity leaflet in a pub.

The model that you used to be
the face of Dolly Angel

was also the doctor on the front
of that charity leaflet.

And... I went through
Sara's accounts.

Dolly Angel's work was sold
between two companies

in the same conglomerate.

But it was your little anagram
that, um... sealed your fate.

Anagram? Yeah.

Watch this.

L-L-O-Y-D...

..G-E-L-A-N.

Lloyd Gelan.

Very clever.

Hmm!

I hated her.

She was sanctimonious,

patronising, angry.

You know, sacking my staff
right, left and centre.

She thought she had me over a barrel

because of her reputation
and her client list.

HE SIGHS

I just needed this one more deal!

But she found out.

That night,
I went to her house to confront her.

The back door was open
and I walked inside, and...

..then I saw the knife.

She was about to take
everything from me.

SHE SHRIEKS

I was so close.

Please, spare us the sob story.

You k*lled a woman in cold blood,
c'est tout.

Richard?

HE SIGHS

SHE SIGHS

Since when did we have CCTV footage?

I can't believe it!

Lying in an interview
to force a confession?

Maybe you and I have more in common
than we first thought.

Can we release Caron now?

Yeah.

I think I can finally let
Andre Caron go.

GAUTHIER SIGHS

I'm going to send Richard to check
the other paintings in the gallery.

There might be even more fakes.

Oh, no, I didn't spot any.

Such a crying shame.
What a beautiful shop!

Charlie!

I've got a business proposition
for you.

FAINT ANIMATED CHATTER

LAUGHTER

I promise, I'll get you another box.

But you said the record
was so scratched.

Hey, you want the moon?

Just say the word, I'll throw
a lasso round it and pull it down.

Christmas wouldn't be
Christmas without you quoting

It's A Wonderful Life.

Your very own James Stewart.

h*, h*, h*!

h*, h*, h*-h*-h*-h*!

So, how many Christmas costumes
have you got, then?

12.

12 days of Christmas, innit?

'Course. Silly me.

Jean, do us a favour, do not
leave my side tonight, OK?

On it.

Right, ladies and gentlemen,
it's time now

for the secret Santa to begin!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Here goes!

I can't believe he's not done
a "reaching into his sack" joke.

Now I'm going to reach into my sack.

Oh, no, there it is. My mistake.

And the first gift is for...

Gloria! Ooh!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Thank you, Santa!

Hoo-hoo-hoo! h*-h*-h*-h*-ha-ha!

Oh!

Oh, yes.

Oh, I love it! Oh-h*-h*!

Guilty as charged!
Aw, thanks, Niall!

Next is Jean!

Oh, Jean.

Thank you!

Thank you, Father Christmas!
Oh, my pleasure. h*-h*-h*-h*-h*-h*!

What is it?

Oh!

Oh, that's...! Oh, it's lovely!

Who got me that? I did.

I thought it might remind you
of home.

Well, your old home, that is.

Oh, I love it!

That's really thoughtful, Dom.

Thank you.

h*-h*-h*!

APPLAUSE

Thank you! Thank you very much!
No, thank you.

Right, now, ahem!

We have... two presents left! Ha-ha!

And the first one goes to... Judith!

Judging by all the tat so far,
I am not holding my breath!

Oh, that was never a fiver!

I'll give you a tenner for it.

Who on earth...?

It's from me, darling.

Precursor to the big day.

Oh, thank you, darling!

Now, then, come here, Santa!

Ooh! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Hang on! Hang on! Hang
on, there's one present left.

It's for you.

SHE GASPS Oh!

I don't understand!
You got me a replacement already?

No, that's the original one.

They brought it back?

MUSIC PLAYS

♪ O holy night

♪ The stars are brightly shining

♪ It is the night
of the dear Saviour's birth

♪ Long lay the world

♪ In sin and error pining... ♪

CHOIR SING IN FRENCH

FAINT CHATTER

Wow!

♪ Le monde entier
tressaille d'esperance

♪ En cette nuit
qui lui donne un Sauveur

♪ Peuple a genoux

♪ Attends ta delivrance... ♪

How are you feeling?

Still numb.

Despite everything,
she was still my wife.

It wasn't always like that.

I understand.

Thank you both for believing in me.

Never any doubt, mate.

Oh, you've got a nerve! Oh!

Huh! Merry Christmas, Jean.

Merry Christmas, Dom.

♪ Noel

JEREMY AND JUDITH: ♪ Noel

♪ Voici le Redempteur

♪ Noel

♪ Noel

♪ Voici le Redempteur. ♪

♪ When will it show

♪ That the secret
we keep is not ours on our own?

♪ When will it show we're in love?

♪ This Christmas we're in love. ♪