05x19 - May the Horse Be with You

[bunniefuu]

Oh, Francesca, you're a good girl!

You're getting stronger all the time!

I told you, it's always darkest before the dawn!

Now you rest while I'm making my rounds.

Oh, don't worry. I'll be back.

Hey, there. Hey, famous lady.

How are you doing, huh?

Good? We're going to go for a little ride, OK?

Good girl.

OK, easy there, girl.

You remember me, right? We're friends.

OK, come on.

Let's go.

Come on!

Hey!

What the heck are you doing with my horse?

How is he? Well, he's still alive.

You know who that is?

I heard.

I thought he retired when I
received my first communion.

He isn't that old. He's much older.

So what else do we have beside reflections on life?

Not much.

According to the day sergeant, nothing's missing.

No horses. Nothing from the tack room.

Lieutenant, I thought Fogarty
retired right after the Civil w*r.

The Department let him stay on as a groom.

They figured what kind of trouble
can he get in in a police horse barn?

I guess they were wrong.

I come here for an investigation.

Instead, I get a comedy routine
by the three Marx brothers.

Maybe he found junkies sh**ting up.

Police horses wear rubber cleats.

That's aluminium. Like racehorses use.

What's a racehorse doing slumming in here?

I'll take it to Forensic. No.

See what buses go by here. Interview
the drivers. Look for horse vans as well.

I'll take care of the horseshoe.

They said none of the horses are missing.

I'll be at the hospital.

Can you make an exception and tell us how he is?

I've told you that information is available only

to the immediate family or the police department.

We're immediate. You're not blood relations.

What are you, a vampire?!

Oh, forgive him, miss.

Are you trying to get us thrown
out? I'm worried about the horse too.

All that money we just lost. Don't worry, Arnie.

Remember those movies where Trigger always returned?

Millie? Yeah, sure.

Boy, am I glad to see you! Sure you are.

Ask Millie. I was just saying I wish Kojak was here.

Hello, Millie, Stacey.

Here we are, all together again, right?

What starts off as a happy dream
winds up with one of you in hospital.

I'm glad I didn't buy another horse.

Especially with Arnie as a partner.

What did I do?! You were born.

His skull has been fractured, so we sedated him.

Some cracked ribs.

We're not yet sure about internal injuries.

Let us know when we can talk to him, OK?

How is he? Alive.

I'll see you over there.

OK...

So what have we got here?

No newspaper, no radio station,
no television station knows.

But you three beat me here. How come?

If that's too tough, we'll come back to it.

What's this doing in a police barn?

Theo, at least it proves she's special.

All it proves is that nice ladies who teach school

shouldn't put their dreams on a crippled nag, OK?

Arnie?

The stable costs at the track were k*lling us!

The barn is City property!

We didn't use one ounce of their feed.

Stacey, I know you're looking to make it as a trainer.

I've known you as a kid.

Arnie here is a hustler. Millie's a dreamer.

So why don't you tell me?

I tried to bring her along as well as I could.

But her leg was hurting, so Fogarty decided he'd try.

Fogarty? He was going to put his
fingers round the horse's leg and yell Heal!

He works miracles. He can
give power just with his fingers.

I swear on my kids, that horse will be a winner again.

You don't have any kids. I could have.

You wouldn't even know where to start.

Tell me why an old man gets his ribs
busted, his head busted, to steal a crippled nag.

If anything happens to Fogarty...

Yeah, yeah.

I'm Michelangelo!

Yeah. Give me Mr Ferraro.

What do you want?

Tell him it's Bert Gaines. An associate from Flatbush.

It's Gaines.

We weren't supposed to talk till this is over.

But I need some money and then it's done.

Alright, I'll get it. OK, I'll call back.

Keep an eye on him.

Trouble, Boss?

When you deal with a crook,

you know where you stand.

When you deal with a guy that's never stole before,

he don't know when to start and when to stop.

You get my meaning? Yeah, Boss.

You keep talking and talking.

No matter what you say, you stole the horse!

And you attacked a policeman.

He jumped me,

I never laid a hand on him. Honest.

Oh, Bert. Would you do me a favour?

Would you just this once please tell me the truth?

why did you steal Francesca?

I bred her to Omahan when you brought her to the farm.

They had a party, you know!

Francesca's carrying one of Omahan's foals?!

He's one of the biggest money-winners of all time.

You can't do that! I didn't.

Omahan did!

Omahan's stud fees are a fortune!

You're going to go to jail. No way!

I've got this thing worked out
better than Humphrey Bogart!

She drops the foal, you get Francesca back.

We cut your friends in on the cash.

OK, baby?

Trust me, baby.

It's worth the chance.

Hm?

That's a good girl.

Lieutenant, the captain wants to see you now.

And that efficiency expert is back.

Nice to see you, Myles. Bye.

Lieutenant, the man that captures
his minutes frees his hours!

Inspector, I think...

Insp...

In...

Lieutenant Kojak?

He's at the hospital.

Yes, sir. I know.

The Commissioner is embarrassed.

Yes, sir. I'll get back to
you as soon as he reports in.

You shouldn't ask. The City has to ration paper clips.

But a 40-year veteran buys a piece of a
racehorse and stables it on City property?

Frank, the owners were
going to destroy it. They only

put up $1,000 each, and I financed Stacey's share.

Oh, how nice.

You staked a girl you had to practically adopt

because her mother promised
her a rose garden and didn't deliver.

And now she's into a deal with Arnie Goldman?

The guy who stole all the
garden equipment in the first place!

He's cleaned up his act, Frank.

Nice. Tell that to IAD when they
find out he's Fogarty's partner.

Lieutenant, a bus driver saw a new
custom—painted van at the barn Last night.

Blue and white. Get at it.

Don't forget the yellow sheets! Downtown wants a look.

How do you write a yellow sheet on a horse?

If Fogarty dies, you write m*rder one.

Go ahead.

The guard says there's all kinds
of vehicles in and out all day long.

Blue and white are popular track colours.

Look who's here. Ferraro's book-ends.

What are you doing out in
the sun? My boss owns horses.

Oh. Did he send you here to clean the stables?

Don't get cute, cop. Relax.

Good thing you stayed in the car.
Rin Tin Tin here would have got you.

Give my regards to your boss.

Ferraro's a convicted felon.

He can't own horses.

Last chance! Where's my money?!

Georgie, do I look like a man with money?

Don't con me!

You own a very hot racehorse.

That broken-down thing?

She can't even walk.

Hey, Lieutenant, regards to the captain.

Georgie Freem. New York's dumbest Shylock.

What are you doing, going camping?

How did you guess? I'll be
back for that tent Later, Arnie.

You never learn.

It's an old score. There are no old scores with you.

You've been in sudden death overtime play—off

ever since I caught you taking
book in your old man's candy store.

So what do I want, what do I ask that's so bad?

A ticket out of this place that my father stuck on me?

We got dust here from the year one.

You have portable toilets?

On the shelf.

You want to buy a pound of rust from World w*r 11?

I want to feel clean finally.

I want to be a man with pride.

My own racehorse.

The jewel. Do you have anything cheaper?

Anything cheaper is a paper bag.

So what do I get? A phone
call from my ex—wife's lawyer.

She thinks I'm flush since she heard about the horse.

Georgie leans on me. Now you lean on me.

I should be leaning on you, you're the cop!

What does anyone want with her? She can't run.

She can. And somebody else must know about it.

Wait.

Oh, I got it.

Here. Call the vet. He'll tell you.

I'll be checking this. Check it.

Tell me, how did you get her from
the racetrack to the police barn?

Stacey borrowed wheels. Yeah? What colour was the van?

What van? It was a two-wheeled open trailer.

Black, brown. Who looks at colours?

Arnie, if I find out you're hustling me,

you're going to be handicapping
c*ck in the slammer.

Oh, sir, please wait.

I lost a horse. Do I need to lose a sale?

Do you have hunting knives?

Er... Yeah, over there.

New ones?

Does this look like Macy's?

I want to leave a message for one
of your teachers. Mildred Burgess.

Yeah. Have her call Arnie.

It's urgent.

Thank you.

Oh, boy.

I asked for the horse and you give me a paper to read?

So Omahan died last night.

Should I send flowers?

Think, Ferraro. Francesca's
carrying Omahan's last baby.

That foal's going to be worth millions!

I'm only asking for an extra fifty grand.

And you won't come back for
more every time it wins a race, right?

Are you kidding?! This is it!

Me and my girl, we're going to buy a farm.

When did you ever see a farm?

That's why.

Have the horse at the rail yards in three hours.

Yeah. Thanks a lot, Mr Ferraro.

Hey... Thanks.

Woody, go find his girl and baby-sit her.

If he gets any more ideas, we'll make a trade.

Stacey, why didn't you tell us
about Bert Gaines right away, huh?

I just found out, I swear.

I told you that guy was trouble first day I met him.

A foal!

Omahan's foal!

Fogarty will jump out of bed when he hears this!

If Fogarty hears then Kojak will know.

If Kojak knows then Bert goes to jail.

So tell him to put our horse back!

What will we tell Kojak?

Say Francesca has pigeons in her
family and she found her way home!

He's not going to believe that.

Really?

OK.

We...go to Kojak.

We tell him.

We take a few dollars and we
get your boyfriend a good lawyer.

Then we try to make a deal with Omahan's owners.

And everybody makes out!

I sure hope that the next idea
you get is to keep your mouth shut.

Millie! Fogarty can buy his own horse barn.

The four of us can get a stable!

We'll be rich!

Stacey?

I never had a chance like this.

Yeah.

Maybe you weren't supposed to, huh?

Lieutenant, Shirley's inside. Lieutenant.

Blue and white are popular
colours! We're trying to track 22 vans!

I want to bring the present
before the baby is born, not after.

Kojak!

I just wanted to hear how it sounded.

It sounds like music to my ears.

What did the vet have to say?

The specialist. You don't bring
a sick canary to a horse doctor.

Nice chitter-chatter at a c*ck party?

Somebody's got to be passing out cigars.

The vet says Francesca's pregnant.

That's not how they say it about horses.

Congratulations.

Did the vet say that Arnie knew? No idea.

No idea? If you can spot a pregnant
lady, you can spot a pregnant horse.

Wrong. Even in the best of professional stables,

a mare can be carrying a foal full-term.

And when she drops, it comes
as a surprise to everybody.

Boy, I'm glad I'm not married.

Lieutenant Kojak! Myles.

Can't you see I'm interrogating a witness?

Shirley.

You got things to tell me, right?

Theo, I am trying to become a lady handicapper.

Not a lady cop. Shirley.

You're not trying to become a lady handicapper.

You're trying to stay out of
jail for making ill*gal book.

Now tell me what horses have
been either switched or swapped

or anything at the track.

I don't have these kind of contacts.

Nobody has any idea what happened to that horse.

Yes, you do have those kind of contacts.

You go back and you tell them again.

Only this time, say, 'She's in foal.'

Maybe you know some storks you could talk to.

Do you have any idea how
big a horse stork has got to be?

Shirley, go back and talk to them, OK?

Now...

You realise, in order for there to be a foal,

a man horse and a lady horse

had to like each other.

So? So...

How come you and I never get anywhere?

Shirley...

Well, hardly anywhere.

Because, Shirley,

you need all the attention

and you need all the love you can get.

And half the time,

I'd be putting you away for ill*gal this

and ill*gal that.

I think you'd better get out of here.

Before IAD presses a morals charge on me.

What an idea for a pleasant morning.

I must be - I'm seeing a witness to the door.

Lieutenant.

Peek-a-boo! I'm over here.

Oh, yes. The borough commander wants us to detail

a couple of men to cover
a shootout on 49th Street.

You see that, Myles? The men are
working. Collecting evidence all the time.

Tell Mr Myles what that evidence is.

That's dinner. We got it wholesale -

If you'd stop chasing around, like John
Wayne, after some missing racehorse,

I could finish my manpower
efficiency report and get out of your way.

Mr Myles, a cop has been injured.

A racehorse has been stolen.

Do you understand that? That's police work.

John Wayne never worked police work, did he?

The captain wants to see you.
You have to anticipate your problem.

Utilise your manpower!

The man who is not a step ahead... is a step behind.

Right.

The bad news is

IAD discovered that Fogarty took out a large
loan six months ago and nobody knows why.

You'd better talk to him.

His share of the racehorse.
Theo, this was after the horse deal!

Lots of people take out loans, Frank.

Oh, and how many are cops
stabling racehorses in the police barn?

Pregnant racehorses.

He was stabling a pregnant racehorse!

what do you mean? What does he mean, pregnant?

Um...

That's how horse babies are born. Excuse me, Captain.

Relax. Hey, make some coffee.

You and me are going to
entertain each other for a while.

You get lost or something?

Ferraro says I'll keep an eye
on your baby until we get ours.

Stacey, I'll meet you outside, alright?

Uh-uh. She stays.

Bert!

Are you OK?

Fix him up.

He's got a delivery to make. I'll step outside.

Bert, why don't you forget about
the money and give back the horse?

I'm not going to quit now.

Besides, I want to buy you a whole stableful to train.

And I want to wear $500 suits
like Paul Newman in The Sting.

I just don't want to smell any more.

It doesn't matter. It matters.

They already know that it's your blue and white van.

A couple of hours and it's not going
to make any difference what they know.

I'll see you later, OK?

You remember the line.

Any distinguishing features
on this guy who hit on you?

They looked like all the others.

There was more than one?

Alright, one by one.

About 18 hands.

Six foot tall.

Barely more than a yearling.

Young.

I'd sit there up in my saddle.

You remember me up there, Theo?

Remember you? I remember you from when I was a kid.

I'd look down from my horse and I'd say, Hey, boyo!

Remember? Boyo.

I thought you were cursing at me.

God bless Central Park.

Yeah.

We got to catch these guys.

What guys?

The guys who stole Francesca.

Was there more than one, Theo?

Doc.

You want to hear something pretty?

Buy a hi-fi!

I'll be outside.

Alright, about these guys.
One, two, how many, whatever.

Straight dish.

Straight nose.

No fat. I had a dream, Theo.

Oh, well, forget about it. The nightmare's over, OK?

No, no, this is a dream I've had for some time.

Since I was a lad.

My own ranch.

Fields of grass. Sweet-smelling hay, Theo.

My sons and grandsons visiting me.

Not me having to visit them

and sit in a chair they bought just for me.

You get the picture, Theo? You understand what I mean?

So when Stacey came to me with the
idea of buying a filly and making her well,

it don't matter to me if she ever runs.

I have something to worry over.

Even being involved with Arnie and Millie,

and hearing them go at it

and knowing they don't even realise
they can't get along without each other.

That horse was bringing excitement into my life.

An old man's chair.

I have three old man's chairs

in three sons' homes, Theo.

To die in.

I got to find that horse!

She promised to buy me that ranch if I made her well.

And I did, Theo. I did.

I put my hands on her.

That's why they stole her. They knew.

Yeah. I'll find the horse, OK?

You just follow doctor's orders.

Is this him?

That's him!

Go find a copying machine. Make me a dozen copies.

Danny, six months ago,

you took out a big loan.

Am I a suspect? IAD think so.

After I bought my share, I was low on funds.

So I took out a loan when my
grandson Kevin came to me for help.

He wanted to go to Europe to study art.

His father Anthony thought it was foolish.

Effeminate, he called it.

'No fairy artists in our family!' he said.

So Grandpa went and got the money for him, right?

Danny, I'm going to blow the
whistle on you with IAD, you phooey.

How is he? Forgetful, bitter, angry.

Thank God he's better!

You're a genius.

Send the original downtown and then to all precincts.

Ta-daa!

who is he? Your horse's midwife.

Never saw him before. Arnie.

Theo, Arnie would not Lie.

She never defended you before. How come now?

Our friend is hurt. Our horse is stolen.

It kind of sounds as though you suspect us.

Let's go.

Gee, Millie, thanks.

I did it for my part of the horse, not yours.

Oh, Expecting company?

A Lot of strange people hang out around the track.

Theo, I'm very upset about Francesca.

What do you want?

You know this man? Yeah.

It looks like Bert.

He's a fellow I know.

How well do you know him?

That figures.

You don't have a trailer like this
working as an apprentice trainer.

Are you disappointed? Hey, it's your life.

Then stay out of it!

Is that what you want? You're not my father!

I see.

When you were ten years old and I was just a beat cop,

you didn't say 'stay out of my Life'
when they were beating on your old man.

And when you were 15 years old,
you didn't say 'stay out of my life'

when they tried to roll you over as a hooker.

You got paid by the City, didn't you?!

You heard about the foal?

Yeah.

Bert told me. Where is he now?

You know Ferraro?

No.

Oh, Theo!

Theo, I love you!

That's what makes it hurt even more.

No!

Come on, come on!

Yeah? Tell Ferraro I'm all set.

Meet me at the Flushing
Meadow Park, the railroad yards.

Gaines says he's ready right now.

Tell him in an hour.

Make it three o'clock. You got it.

Let's go. We'll pick up your brother on the way.

You said in an hour. Come on.

Also, there's the matter of food in the squad room.

Food?

Lieutenant Kojak, it's an established fact

that you cannot convey a sense of authority if

you interrogate a witness with food in your mouth.

Myles... You're exaggerating.

Lieutenant, Dr Whelan just called from the hospital.

Fogarty has disappeared. Oh hi, Mr Myles. Want a bite?

Disappeared?

He didn't disappear.

He went looking for his horse.

You knew? You mean to say you knew the
face on the sketch and you didn't tell Kojak?!

Fogarty, you're a sick man. Sit down.

Millie, look who's here.

Kojak just called. He's looking for you.

Francesca's carrying a foal, Millie!

Yeah, we just heard.

Who set it up, that fella Gaines? Yes.

Stacey picked another loser that time, didn't she?

Hey, smile! The way it comes out, we hit the jackpot!

Arnie, our mare is illegally mated to a famous sire.

What kind of a jackpot is that?

This fella Gaines, who's he in with?

I don't know.

Arnie, if you didn't know that
Gaines was in with somebody heavy,

you'd be tearing him apart with your bare hands!

Maybe we shouldn't make it worse.

Ha! Great! Look who's talking
about not making things worse.

I saw him in the city with Ferraro a couple of times.

Ferra... Ferraro!

Fogarty, you're sick!

Never felt better in my life!

The blood is coursing through my
veins! The old pulse is hammering away!

I'm on the trail of a suspect!

who are you calling? It's gone too far.

I'm calling Kojak. No, wait awhile, huh?

Wait a little.

Millie, why stall?

Because of my sisters, that's why.

They're always running on about their
vacations and their fur coats and their kids.

I'm just a teacher, Just one
time I'd like to show them.

You know, me standing in the
winner's circle with my horse.

My victory. My pride.

Is that so wrong, huh?

Join the club.

Hi! Are you Theo?

I'm Harriet. Shirley's friend.

She said she'd be here.

Well, something came up.

why didn't she call?

She could only make one
call, so she called her Lawyer.

She got arrested for making book at the track!

Anyway, she told me to wait for you here.

And to tell you that there was a blue
and white van parked here for weeks.

And then suddenly it disappeared.

And there were gallons of empty red paint cans.

Um...

Say, was I any help?

You were great.

I'm an exotic dancer.

Really? I'm a cop.

Shirley was right.

You're irresistible.

Crocker.

Look, Harriet, I'm overweight, I'm middle-aged.

I work too hard. And I get very tired very often.

I could get us a cost-week
at a great hotel in Las Vegas.

Crocker.

Hold on.

Harriet,

you work all night and I work all day.

Our careers would conflict.

I know. But just think about all the fun
we could have trying to make it work!

What is it? Come on!

Oh, yeah. That blue and white van we're looking for.

It's probably red now.

OK. Are you alright, Lieutenant?

You sound a little out of breath.

Ah, well, it's an old w*r wound.

I told you I wanted an extra fifty.

I liked the old price better. Come on.

Where's the horse? Where's the extra fifty grand?

Nobody makes a move till I get my horse!

Nobody move!

I want everyone to stand still!

Stop!

Go round back!

Come on down!

Game's over, punk!

Gimme, gimme, gimme!

Crocker.

Lieutenant Kojak! Hold on a minute.

Lieutenant! Sounds like the old man.

Fogarty, where the hell are you?
At the Flushing Meadow rail yard.

I might as well be in hell.

What are you doing in either of those places?

Fogarty? Fogarty?

You see him this time or are you
going to give me another story?

It was Ferraro and his men.

And Gaines too? He was here.

He ran off. They went after him.

Take him back to the hospital.

Don't let them sell you any rocking chairs.

He's got a corner on the market.

Hoof prints?

No.

He couldn't have brought the horse. It's too clean.

That horse must be still at the racetrack.

Hiya! We just left Fogarty.

Where are you going?

To find the horse!

Look for the number? Number?

All racehorses are tattooed inside their mouths.

A number? I didn't know that.

Did you know that? I didn't know.

Are you sure she's here, Stacey? She's got to be.

We're looking for a horse with
white paint on her somewhere.

Ooh! Watch your step.

I'm alright.

What about this one? That's a boy, dum-dum!

Francesca?

Is it her? Yeah, look, come here,

Look!

And she's bandaged!

She's found!

That's great. That's great.

Bring out the horse.

Bert. I'm sorry.

It didn't turn out like this for Steve McQueen.

Let's go.

Just a second.

Come on! Come on, Francesca!

Come on, Francesca!

Get up! Put 'em behind your back!

Hold it! Police!

I'm from the Humane Society.

Bert!

Oh, Theo, talk to them! Just explain!

He just wanted more than he could have. Please!

No.

In his possession, a one-way ticket to Mexico City.

He was dumping you.

That was cruel.

Yeah, well, sometimes it's kind to be cruel.

If Kojak wants in on the deal, we'll let him in.

But not at the original price.
Right. We let him in for free.

they'll try to retire me.

You have to talk to them!

Danny, they'll be too embarrassed to let you go.

Hey, partner. How does it feel
to own a piece of two racehorses?

Arnie, the foal doesn't belong to you.

Great, What do I tell my sisters?

Tell your sisters that you're lousy with
horses but you're good with students.

Tell your sisters that the
owners of the late, great Omahan

have given you a piece of the foal
so they would avoid a lawsuit. OK?

Did you give your statement?

Oh, the pain.

After all this, we have to split the deal?

Arnie, you've been turning your
back on good things all your life.

Don't do it now. What good things?

Tell me one thing I didn't have
to cut somebody else in on.

Her.

Oh, what the heck? I bought a couple of
steaks for my sisters but they never came over.

We'd get into an argument.

I hope so.

Come on.

Lieutenant! I got mugged!

Right on the corner!

Crocker! Stavros!

Get on it!

He got my attache case.

With the one and only copy of the
Manhattan South management evaluation!

Oh, grace!

Well, what can I tell you?

Don't worry. The boys will find it for you.