28x03 - Hot and Bothered

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

-[Averey] Jordan!
-[Jordan] This is the true story…

-[Jordan] I love you, Bird.
-[Jordan narrating] …of seven strangers…

-Let's do it!
-[Joi] …picked to live in a loft…

-Daisy!
-[Jordan] Stop pooping!

-[Averey] …work together…
-[Jordan] Dude!

[Jessica] …and have their lives taped…

-[Averey] Ooh, ooh!
-[Anastasia] …to find out what happens…

[Jessica] I'm not talking to you anymore.

[Marlon] …when people stop being polite…

[Anastasia] Boop! You're done.

[Johnny] …and start getting real.

-No.
-[Jessica] Sexy mama!

-[Averey] The Real World…
-[Johnny] …Portland!

♪ So you see, it's you and me
And everybody in between ♪

♪ It doesn't matter if we're green ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ We'll keep together
Oh, we'll make it better ♪

[song concludes]

Everyone has sex.
That's how we all came to this planet.

But I do feel better though, afterwards.
Like, I feel a little bit more relaxed.

Well, at least you just did it,

so now it's like… now it's over with.

It happened, so now, you can just

-have sex with Johnny as much as you want.
-[Jessica] Was it good?

[Averey] It was good.

[Anastasia] Now you can just,
like, Johnny it up.

I know Johnny and I having sex

is going to be a conversation
in the house.

I don't really care
'cause I'm one of those people,

like, "Yeah, I had sex. What do you…
You guys have questions?"

I'm very open.

What… Did you tie him
to the bed or anything?

-Mm-mm.
-[Jessica] Or just went plain vanilla?

We did it every way.
He's like, "You beat me up."

-You beat him up?
-[Averey] He said I wore him out.

[Jessica] Okay, you wore him out.
I thought you meant,

like, you were, like,
doing weird [bleep] to him.

Oh, my God! Were you guys
under the covers the whole time?

-[Averey] Nope.
-[gasps, laughs]

-[shrieks, laughs]
-[Anastasia] That's crazy.

We were just talking about all the ways

-that she was [bleep] Johnny last night.
-Oh, my God. [laughs]

He didn't have a problem
with doing his thing?

'Cause he was pretty drunk.
That's why I just…

No, he [bleep], but he kept going.

-I was like, "Oh."
-You think that's painful?

-Is that painful for him?
-[Averey] I don't know. I didn't care.

-Johnny--
-Does anyone have conditioner?

-[women giggling]
-[Joi] When you [bleep]

and then you keep having sex,
does it hurt?

No, we actually wanna know!

We wanna talk about your p*nis
and Averey's vag*na!

[upbeat rock music playing]

[Averey] All right, guess we're taking
another walk. Oh, you're a lucky dog.

[with French accent]
My cream cheese is gone.

[music fading]

[Averey] Joi, did you wanna go
to the sex store?

[Joi] Yeah. I've been talking
about my Kegel ba*ls all day!

[Averey] Johnny, are you excited
to go to the sex store with us or what?

[Johnny] I'm not going to the sex store.

-I won't be able to handle myself.
-Yes, yes, you will.

Let's go, though. It'll be fun.

-Johnny, you've never been.
-And there's gonna be like…

Come on, it's something new.

[Joi] You should come
if you've never been.

-[Johnny] I'll [bleep] go, all right.
-[group chuckling]

Like, there's gonna be so many,
like, dildos…

You can help me pick out some things.
Come on.

I'm not picking out [bleep].

Averey apparently knows everything
there is to know about sex.

[chuckles] Johnny better just get ready,
that's all I'm saying.

I'll get bondage tape. Bondage tape,
you don't have to use sexually, though.

That's one of those…
Those are one of the things,

like, when you're drunk.
Like, I could tie up to a chair.

-[groans]
-[Marlon] I'm a little scared

that she has so much in her, like,

sex arsenal. It's just kinda scary.

It's like…
[with deep voice] "Johnny, are you ready?"

"Johnny, are you ready for this?"
[with regular voice] I don't know.

[Jordan] "What's the safe word?
What's the safe word?"

-[Johnny] Oh, yeah, what is that for?
-"Oklahoma! Oklahoma!"

-"Oklahoma!"
-[group laughing]

[Averey] All right, come on, let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.

-For the sex store.
-We're going.

You know what I love?
I love watching Joi walk away.

[Jordan] 'Cause her a*s is just…

-It just… Ah!
-[Jordan imitating thumps]

-She's got a nice butt.
-[Averey] Joi has a nice butt.

[upbeat music playing]

-[Averey] You ready?
-[Joi] All right!

Dildos, dildos, and more dildos.

Thirteenth is that way.

-[Joi] You like him, though.
-[Averey] A little bit.

-But I don't really know him.
-[Joi] Don't even "a little bit" me.

You're already sleeping in the same bed.

Well, yeah. I mean,
there's a connection there.

I'm not gonna lie.

♪ She's been here for a minute
But she already knows ♪

♪ And it's anything goes
And then it's anything goes ♪

♪ She say gotcha… ♪

-[Averey] Why didn't the boys come again?
-[Joi] I know! Those lame-os.

[Johnny] Dude, they must be going
in at the sex store.

-Going to get these Kegel ba*ls, dude.
-[Marlon] She's hooking it up for you.

[Johnny] I can't own up
to that skill level.

-[Marlon laughs]
-[Johnny] No!

What is she gonna do to me?
What is she gonna get at the store?

What is she gonna have me try on or…
I don't even know.

Do you try stuff on at a sex store?
I don't know. I've never been to one.

-I'm so nervous.
-[all laugh]

[Joi] We need to find those ba*ls.

-[Averey] Where are they, Kegels?
-[Joi] Kegels.

-Those are it?
-[Averey] These ones are good too.

I'll buy these for Jordan,
and he can work at the club.

[Joi] Oh, my God, if you do it,
I'll laugh so hard.

-Oh, bondage tape!
-[Averey] Oh! This is what I want.

[funky music playing]

[Johnny] Oh! Here they come.

-[Joi] Here they come. Here they come!
-[Averey] Here they come!

-[Johnny] Look at the bag, dude.
-[Averey and Joi] Hey!

[Averey] I spent almost 100 bucks.

-Oh, wow.
-[Marlon] Wow.

It's about to get weird.

[Joi] Averey, are you in your room?

[Averey] Yeah. I'm tying up Johnny.

[Joi] Does it, like… Can you get out?

-I mean, if I put enough force into it.
-Try it.

I mean, I thought
I was gonna get tied up to the bed.

Come on, hulk it out.

-Or you guys can unravel it.
-It hurts under my wrists, all right?

Is this what bondage is about? Pain?

-[Averey] No.
-I don't like the pain.

Might have to draw the line.
Might have to be like, "Okay, well, no."

"We're not gonna use that thing."

I don't think he's ever been handcuffed.
I don't think he's ever been bondaged.

I'm gonna get you to do it,
and you're gonna love it.

[upbeat music playing]

[Johnny] Bros, it's here. It's here!

-[Jessica] It's here!
-[Johnny] Wallet, keys.

And your drinking pants!

-[Andrea] Hello, hello.
-Hey, what up?

Hello.

[rock music playing]

[Andrea] Pick a seat.

[Jessica] Wait, this one's not pedaling.
You wanna sit there?

You understand
that you are consuming beverages

and also riding on a bike.

Let's do it!

We are going on the brew-cycle today.

[Johnny whistles]

[Jordan] You sit on your barstool,
and you've got pedals underneath.

We're pedaling
to four different breweries.

It's gonna be epic. I'm excited.

[Andrea] On the uphills,
just save your energy for those

'cause the downhills' gravity
will just take us.

[upbeat music playing]

[Andrea] Remember, this is a marathon,
not a sprint.

You don't have to chug. Enjoy the beer.

[music concludes]

[Jordan]

-I don't ever… I just--
-[Johnny] Girls approach Jordan.

You have to do something to, like, walk by

and get close,
like, put a hand on their hips, something,

So that way I'm seen.

I've been seen. I know that she's seen me.
She knows that I'm there,

and then I'm the first to look away,
and I walk off.

If she comes over later, she's interested.

If not, she wasn't
that [bleep] interested.

For every one hot girl,
there's five more at the next bar.

[Jessica] I mean, like, seriously,
if a guy would come up to me and say,

"Hi, my name is Ryan. Nice to meet you."
I'll be like, "Oh, hi."

'Cause it's better
than some guy being, like, groping you

and being like,
"What's up? I'm the [bleep]. What's up?"

I know, I just give him [bleep]
because we don't like each other.

[laughing]

[Jordan] Everyone knows you annoy
the [bleep] out of me.

You annoy the [bleep] out of me too,
so we have an understanding.

Dude, I pull up a bag of popcorn,

-and I'm like, "Fight, fight, fight."
-[Jessica] No!

[upbeat music playing]

[Johnny] Hey, oh!

Give him… give him a ring,
give him a ring!

Give him a ring! Give him a ring!

-Give him a ring.
-[bell rings]

-[bystanders cheering]
-[Jordan] If you don't…Don't hold it.

-[Averey] I don't care, bro.
-[Jordan] No.

I meant, like, don't put your finger
on the thing.

[bell rings]

-[Jessica] Sounded the same.
-[Jordan] Well…

-[group laughing]
-[Averey] All right.

[upbeat music playing]

-[Johnny] And we're partying.
-Thank you.

It's the last stop and I'm feeling good.

-[Marlon] All right.
-Thank you, guys, very much.

[Jordan] I'm ready
to keep the night going,

keep having a good time.

[music continues]

[Marlon]

Donkey punch!

I wish Jordan came with a user's guide
'cause I don't get him at all

why he is the way he is.

[indistinct chatter]

[Jordan] Look at the boys.
Boys are [bleep] sitting there like,

"[bleep], this mother [bleep]
is embarrassing us."

-[Jessica] Yeah, you are.
-[Jordan] This mother [bleep] right here.

Why don't… You know,
we should go somewhere else.

Jordan's going over the top,
making a scene,

just being extremely
on the d*uche bag side for no reason.

-[Marlon] Can we walk? Please.
-[Averey] Yup, yup, yup.

I've been trying to walk
for the [bleep] past ten minutes.

-[Marlon chuckles]
-[laughs]

Straight d*uche bag mode.

[upbeat music playing]

Say it again! Say it twice!

Say it twice!
Have the ba*ls to say it twice.

-You can't do it, can you?
-Jordan, stop, dude!

Dude! What the [bleep]?

-You don't dance?
-No, not in the face, dude.

Stop! For a minute. For a minute, bro!

[Jordan] Okay!

[intense electronic music playing]

[Johnny] I walk away because I… You know,
"Calm down. Calm down, Johnny."

Next thing you know, here comes Jordan.

[music continues]

[Jordan] Is that okay? Is that okay?
Is that okay?

[Johnny] He's like,
"Hey, can I sit there?"

"Can I sit to the left of you? Huh?"

Just… just pushing my buttons again.

[Johnny]

-Can I sit here?
-I don't give a [bleep] where you sit!

-I'mma sit here!
-Sit [bleep] in a tree, man!

Dude, don't [bleep] follow me again!

[Marlon]

One of these nights,
I'm not gonna be able to walk away.

It's just too much.

[Marlon] All right, I'm excited.
We got a place that's popping.

It's good music, no Jordan.

[lively pop music playing]

Oh, my God!

[screams] Oh, my God! Why are you here?

-[woman] Whoo!
-[Averey] Why?

[music continues playing]

Why?

-Whoo!
-[pop music concludes]

[upbeat music playing]

[pan sizzling]

-[exhales] What you making now?
-A couple eggs, quick.

[music concludes]

-[Jordan] I got drunk last night.
-[Johnny whispering] Yeah.

I did not… I mean,
I guess I should've expected it

with the whole brew cycle, but…

You were pretty, uh, pretty schnammered.

[Jordan] All I remember is…
I remember Johnny yelling at Couture,

-and then that was, I mean…
-[Marlon] Yeah, you were being obnoxious.

-I was just like, "Dude--"
-[Jordan] What'd I do?

Just being over the top, bro.
I was just like, "Oh, my God."

"He's… he's faded.
I can't deal with it."

[Johnny] We told you
to stop being a [bleep].

Yup.

[Johnny] And you came up,
and you were just like…

[mimics Jordan] "Can I sit here?
Am I allowed to sit here?"

-"Can I sit right there?"
-Oh, yeah.

-Yeah, I remember that.
-"Or am I being a [bleep]?"

"Am I being a [bleep] sitting here
or what?"

-"Can I sit there?"
-[Marlon laughing]

-And I [bleep] lost it.
-[Marlon laughing]

-[laughs]
-[Marlon laughing]

Um, I'm actually not offended, really,
by the guys calling me a [bleep].

I mean, I can be a [bleep].

I remember asking
your permission to sit down.

[Johnny] And acting
like a complete [bleep].

[Jordan] I do remember that, yeah.

[upbeat rock music playing]

[Johnny] Look at my résumé
compared to the girls'.

Oh, my God. You don't even have
b*llet points set up.

-This is like one of those haiku poems.
-[Johnny laughing]

-Yeah. [laughing]
-[Anastasia laughs]

Today, we're going to interview for a job.
Hopefully, I can get a job,

just for a little extra spending money
while I'm out here.

I've never done a resume.

[Anastasia] And you're folding it too?

-[Anastasia] You're just such a dummy!
-Oh, my God!

[Jordan] It's time that we get out there.

We need to get a job,
and we need to start working,

pulling our own weight around here.

[Johnny] Ladies and gentlemen, The Roxy.

We're a 24-hour diner.
We don't sell alcohol.

If you have a problem
with different kinds of people,

then, you're gonna have a problem here.

-[Suzanne] Jordan.
-Yes, ma'am?

-Suzanne.
-Suzanne.

[Jordon]

-This is Jason.
-Jason.

-There is no "Mister" or "Miss" here.
-Oh!

Not unless you're into that. [laughs]

[all laughing]

[Jordan smacking lips] You know…

-[Suzanne] Oh, thank you. It is.
-So, I think we'll be okay.

-How old are you?
-[Jordan] Twenty-two years old.

[Suzanne] Oh, damn.
Too young for my daughter.

All you have to do is keep
my customers happy, legally. [laughs]

Are you willing to do some drudge work?

Which will mean driving me somewhere,

carry my crap in
because I'll be in high heels

and a wig and a crown?

When the owner discusses the position
as her own personal b*tch,

I am like, "No way."

"I did not go to four years of college
to be your b*tch."

[Suzanne] Thank you so much.

[Anastasia] Off to our second interviews.

[Jessica] Isn't it called "Cool Harry's"?

[Marlon] Yeah. Well, I mean,
it's a frozen yogurt place.

[Jessica] Yeah,
it says "Cool Harry's" right there.

[Michael] When it's the lunch rush
out here,

that's when you get a ton of, well,
crazy people, but normal people too.

Our biggest thing is customer service.

So, like, 100%,
we're serving yogurt with smiles.

We sell advice for 50 cents.
We sell corny jokes for 75.

[Anastasia] At Cool Harry's,
you have to pay for a joke.

To me,
it's the most hysterical thing ever,

and all of the roommates
kind of looked at me and were like,

"This job's perfect for you, Anastasia."

-Have you ever seen a mothball?
-[Michael] Yeah, I guess so.

[Anastasia] How'd you spread
its tiny legs apart?

-[giggles]
-[Michael] That's pretty funny.

Yeah, I don't think
I'd like working there.

No?

There's gonna be no jobs for me here.

-[Johnny] Left onto Montgomery?
-[Marlon] Yep. Schmizza Pub & Grub.

Pizza Schmizza
is literally half a block off

of Portland State University.

A bunch of college girls coming in,
having some pizza, having some drinks.

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm Jordan.
What's your name?" Boom, pizza.

[Andre] We've been around for a long time.

We pioneered single-slice pizza
here in Portland,

but right now,
we're in need of bartenders,

bussers, waiters, servers,
just about everything.

[rock music playing]

I worked at Hooters back home.
I was their main bartender during the day.

-So, a lot of regulars.
-And you're hot.

-That helps. Seriously, it does.
-[indistinct chatter]

Andre gives me, like, the googly eyes.

I know I'm in. I just… I know I'm in.

[Andre] We offer tons of food.
We encourage you to hang out at the bar.

We're a small, you know,
family-owned business.

I'm thinking this is the job I want.
Pub and grill sounds right.

Let's go do Pizza Schmizza.
Let's hope I get the job.

[woman] Who wants to do a cheer?

[Johnny] See, this is my type
of job interview.

[Averey] Cheers.

-To swimming with bowlegged women.
-[Johnny] To Schmizza.

[rock music concludes]

[Jessica] I got a job!

-We got jobs together.
-[Jessica] Yeah!

-I'm very excited.
-Me too.

[instrumental music playing]

I'm cool with pouring yogurt samples…

-[Jessica] I know.
-…for little homeless dudes.

[Joi] The interview sucked.

I did not come to Portland to be demoted.

-I'm excited, man.
-[speaks indistinctly] Like, damn.

[Averey] I'm excited.

I mean, I need the money. So, like, yeah,
the sooner… Dude, it's 15 hours a week.

It's gonna be, like, three shifts.

[dial tone ringing]

-[Joi's Dad] What?
-Hi, Daddy.

[Joi's Dad] Huh.

So, I have something to talk to you about.

-[Joi's Dad] What's that?
-I'm just not happy here.

[Joi's Dad] Well…

And then, like,
we're supposed to get jobs.

I just graduated from college,

and I was making way over minimum wage
at my, like, both my jobs.

It's kind of like a slap in the face.

[Joi's Dad] But see, if it's a waste
of your time and everything,

then close the door. Why… why stay?
I wouldn't.

I'm just asking your opinion on it.

[Joi's Dad] Well, you just got it.

[soft music playing]

This house is a pigsty.

Get down.

[Marlon]

[Averey] I believe so.

I just think going home
is the best thing for me,

and, you know, after talking to my dad,

he just made me realize some things
that I just need to do for myself.

-[instrumental music playing]
-[Jordan inhales, exhales]

[Joi] Talked to my dad.

He said, "If you're not happy…"
[sighing heavily]

"…there's nothing there for you.
Come home."

[Anastasia] Are you gonna go?

[soft music playing]

[Anastasia] I'm very disappointed

that Joi has officially decided
to go home.

-Why couldn't it be Jordan?
-[Joi laughing]

[groans]

-[Joi] No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
-[Jessica squeals]

[Joi] Don't do it. Don't do it.
Stay your little butt over there.

Hey, I've got something to tell you guys.
I need to go home.

-You don't need to go home.
-Yes, I do.

-You want to go home.
-I do want to go home.

[Jordan] In my head, I'm thinking,
this is the stupidest plan ever.

A, you didn't get to do a lot of the stuff
that you could've done,

and, B, you're just cutting it
all short now.

You'll never get to do this again.

Oh, don't make me cry, guys.

I don't get that.

[rock music playing]

All right, y'all. It's been real.

Oh, well, we're gonna come send you off.
You know, it's not like…

[Averey] Girls,
we're saying good-bye to Joi.

Tears.

♪ If you leave me, I'll let you go… ♪

-[Marlon] Be safe!
-["So Long (Maybe)" playing]

♪ If you leave me, I'll let you go ♪

♪ If you come back… ♪

[Joi] I really have no regrets.

I'm glad I tried this out

to be able to tell myself,
you know, this isn't for me.

-Bye.
-[Marlon] Bye.

♪ Maybe so long… ♪

[Jessica sobs]

-[Jordan] Aw.
-[Averey] I'm done. I can't even look.

[rock music concludes]

[Anastasia] Should I start moving
my stuff in here?

-You think that's weird?
-[Jessica] I don't think it's weird.

I think it's probably best
unless you wanna wait to see the roommate.

[Anastasia chuckling] Honestly,
the more I'm thinking about it,

the less I wanna see Averey and Johnny
having sex. I'm sorry.

One bird flies out, one bird flies in!

[jazz music playing]

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

So, do you think
we definitely get someone?

-Or there's a possibility…
-[Jordan] Yeah, this early? Yeah.

Do y'all want it to be a guy or a girl?

-[Averey] Girl or a g*y guy.
-[Jordan] It'll be a girl or a g*y guy.

-I want it to be a g*y guy.
-[Johnny] I would rather it be a g*y guy…

or a hot girl.

-[all laugh]
-[Johnny] No, for real!

[Jordan] Oh, man!

Averey, how does that make you feel?

[Jordan] Oh, my God.

[upbeat music playing]

-[indistinct clamor]
-["Hit The Dancefloor" playing]

♪ Hit the dance floor, baby ♪

-♪ Hit the dance floor, baby ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Hit the dance floor tonight… ♪

[Jessica] This guy walks up to me
and introduces himself,

and his name is Tyler.

He is super tall.

[Johnny] I think Jessica
needs a little male lovin'.

She's not getting any male lovin',
so she's found Paul Bunyan.

[Averey]

[Johnny]

[Averey] That's my normal type.

[indistinct chatter]

So, you only lived at home
your whole life until now?

Yeah. Well, I mean,
I moved away for college.

I lived in an apartment
with my best friend in college.

-Yeah.
-And I hated it.

I was Army ROTC and Nursing.

-I was miserable.
-[Tyler] Yeah.

-But you were Army ROTC?
-[Jessica] Yeah.

-What?
-[Jessica] I know.

-No way.
-[Jessica] I know, I know.

-I know, I know.
-[Tyler] Little Southern, cute girl.

[Jessica] I ride dirt bikes too.
You wouldn't believe that either.

[upbeat music playing]

[Jessica] Well, thank you very much.

-[Tyler] Oh, yeah. Thank you.
-[Jessica] It was awesome.

I'm sure I'll talk to you
tomorrow or whenever, but bye.

[Tyler]

-[Jessica] No.
-[Tyler] No?

-[Jessica] No, I just met you.
-[Tyler] That was a test.

-[Tyler]
-A test? Okay. All right. [laughs]

-[Tyler] Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you too. Bye.

From what I get from Tyler,
he's a really warm person.

And he's nice, and hey, he's cute too.

You can tell, like, right off the bat

with people.
You can tell their intentions.

Well, he started talking
about relationships,

so that's how I kinda knew
he was a little bit more, like…

No, he's a serious guy.
He's not a stand guy.

That's a little bit scary too. [laughs]
I'm not gonna lie.

[jaunty piano music playing]

[mellow pop music playing]

-[Marlon] Morning.
-[Averey] Good morning.

Morning sex I like.

-[Marlon] Morning sex is good.
-I know. It wakes me up.

It makes me feel like, "Mm."

I think I might wear him out.

[Marlon] I don't think he minds.
I don't think he minds.

A couple things.
One, I feel bad for Johnny

'cause I don't think he knows
what he got himself into.

Go to bed, wake up.

Wake up, do it again.
Wake up, do it again.

-[Jordan] Fall asleep.
-Fall asleep, do it again.

It's just like, "I wanna sleep."

-[laughs]
-"I wanna go to sleep."

Two, my dog pooped in the confessional.

Really [bleep] pissed off
at her right now,

but I can't find her to yell at her.

I was like, "Oh, okay."

-[Marlon] It's 3:00 a.m., okay.
-Okay.

You definitely got the right one
in the house.

Johnny and Averey are just…
They're like little rabbits, man.

"What are you doing, Johnny?
Let's have sex."

"What are you doing, Averey?
Let's have sex."

It's crazy.

[Averey] Daisy!

No. Bad dog.

[country music playing]

-[Anastasia] Ready?
-[Jessica giggling] No.

I'm, like, super nervous.
Like, my hands feel like Jell-O.

[squeals]

I had written down Tyler's number,

and I'm getting up the guts to call him.

I'm too nervous right now.

-[Jessica exhales]
[Anastasia] Look at your feet!

[Anastasia] She's like a little girl
in high school,

like, who's like, "I'm so in love!"

[dial tone ringing]

-[Tyler] Hello?
-Hey, Tyler.

[Tyler] Oh, hey.

-What's up?
-[Tyler] Jessica, how you doin'?

[giggles] Good, how are you?

[Tyler] Good, I called today
on my lunch break.

-[Jessica] You called?
-[Tyler] Yeah, yeah.

Aw.

[Tyler] But do you, like,
have any free time,

-like, later on in the week at all?
-Oh, yeah.

[Tyler] Well, there's this, like,

really good place
that's called, like, Serratto's.

It's, like, an Italian,
they have, like, really good red wine,

so I thought you would like. [chuckling]

Aw. Okay.

[Tyler] Okay, sounds good.
I'll talk to you later.

-All right, bye.
-[Tyler] All right, bye.

Tyler seems like a cool dude.
I feel bad for Tyler.

I feel like I should, like,
give him a warning.

Like, "Bro, you know
what you're getting into?"

Bird!

Bird! [chuckles]

[Johnny] Jess is getting it in!
Jess is getting it in!

[Jessica] He wants to take me
on a date to Serratto's?

Later on, this week.

You have to make reservations to go there.

[Anastasia] That's good.
That's a good thing.

-It's a good thing.
-Yay for you!

Yay for you!

[rock music playing]

I'm nervous. Oh, wait, wait. Oh, my God,
we gotta go shopping. [laughs]

[upbeat music playing]

First day of work. How's everyone feeling?

Everyone ready to go,
pepped up? Yay!

-[Marlon] Hey!
-[Brett] Hi!

I'm gonna have you and Averey
go with Sean behind the bar.

Andre is gonna be with you,
tossing pizza.

-So, we're with Sean.
-You're with Sean.

So today, day one at work,
is training day.

Let's learn what we have to do.

So, you wanna keep it,
like, as round as possible

and as even across the top as possible.

These are the outside
or the tables inside.

-[Marlon] Anything else y'all need?
-No, we're good.

All right, man. Let me know.

-You get naked.
-If I get naked, she'll get naked.

-[Averey] No way!
-[man] Whoa, whoa!

-What do you mean, "No way"?
-[man] Yes!

[Marlon] They're waiting on you.
Where's the pizzas at?

We got, like, three slices
that we need right now, dude.

-What's goin' on?
-Fly it, right? Fly?

-I'm messing with you, though.
-[Johnny] I was like, "Uh, uh-oh."

Dude, this is cakewalk, yo!

Just pick up a couple glasses,
say hi to people.

Easy job.

Being a busser is a-okay with me.
I really don't want to be pouring drinks

and having to talk to people
all the time all day.

I'd rather just be in and out.

[upbeat music playing]

[Jessica sighs]
I feel like a flotation device today.

-[Anastasia] You do?
-Yeah.

This is not the day for me to be starting
my first day at work.

-[Jessica] I think we're over there.
-[Anastasia] Yep.

Today is Ana and my first day
at Cool Harry's,

and I'm pretty excited. I love yogurt.

-[Anastasia] I like your shoes.
-Thanks.

They make your feet stink really bad.

But trust me, they don't smell
as bad as Jordan's feet.

Jordan just, in general, is just, like,
a disgusting creature. Like--

-[Anastasia] What do we like about Jordan?
-Nothing!

[Anastasia] There's a Cool Harry's dude.

♪ Here he comes to teach us
About yogurt and things ♪

-Hey, guys, how are you doing?
-[Jessica] Good, how are you?

-I'll get you guys a set of keys…
-Okay.

…probably next time.

[Jessica] I look forward to spending
more time with Ana

and using the yogurt cart
to actually get to know Ana better.

I hope we grow together
and form a better relationship.

[man] Can I just get
a medium regular, please?

[Keith] Yeah, for sure, man.
That's good, yeah. And off.

Yeah, you need to push it up pretty fast.

-Oh!
-[Keith] For it to cut it off.

[Anastasia] This was my first yogurt
served here.

-[customers chuckle]
-Ah! Yay!

My first customers! [chuckles]

[upbeat music playing]

[Marlon]

-[Averey] Okay.
-All right, cool.

-[Jordan] Lovely, lovely.
-[Brett] I have moneys for ya.

-Oh.
-Thank you.

-[Brett] You're welcome.
-[Jordan] Already?

-[Brett] I have tip out for you.
-[Marlon] Oh, I got a tip out?

-[Brett] Oh, yeah.
-Aw, son!

Ballin' on a budget!
You know what I'm sayin'?

Who got 20 dollars? I got 20 dollars.

Since we're off the clock,
I'm gonna go ahead

and spend my 20 dollars I just made
on a whiskey and coke, please.

Get off of work,

good way to relax, have a few drinks
and have some good food. Why not?

Is he the one that loves himself
and thinks he's the greatest?

-[Averey] Exactly.
-I'm the one that what?

-[Brett laughing]
-I'm the one that what?

[Brett] Loves himself and thinks
you're the hottest and greatest?

No, I don't.

See, they get mad
because I'm right a lot.

And, I mean, it's not my fault.
It's just I'm right.

If I know the right answer, I know it.

-[Averey] You can never win.
-But you really know it all?

-Yes.
-Yeah.

[Jordan] They're gonna try and let
as many people as they can know

that Jordan is just an a [bleep].

He's just horrible.

I'm still waiting for freakin' golden boy

to just go ahead and just be like…

-[Averey] "This is my problem?"
-"…this is my problem."

[Johnny] Dude, I'm gonna fight him.

-Because it's something there.
-No, you're not.

[Johnny] My thing at home
is I'm a [bleep] idiot,

drunk, Irish person from Boston.

-Okay.
-[Johnny] If I don't like what you say,

I get in your face,

and then, if I don't like
what you say again, I swing.

-[Marlon] Yeah.
-[Johnny] That's it.

[Marlon] Yeah,
we're talking [bleep] about you.

-Continue.
-I'm just trying to vent to calm down.

-[Jordan] Oh, no, you're fine.
-[blows raspberry, speaks indistinctly]

Just be able to do it in front
of my face too sometimes.

-[Marlon] Oh, no, we've already--
-[Johnny] Okay, okay, Jordan.

If we wanna go right now,
dude, we can go right now.

Just keep turning around, dude.

-What the [bleep]?
-[Averey] Anyway, Johnny.

-Are you serious?
-[Averey] Come on. Who cares?

Do it in front of your face.
I'm doin' it in front of your face.

During the day when I'm sober,

I'm able to keep all my frustrations
with Jordan in,

but as soon as I start drinking,

that's when I'm like,
"I friggin' hate this dude."

“Like, why does he have to be
such a [bleep] all the time?"

There actually
wasn't tension there, Jordan,

-till you created a little bit, dude.
-Oh, please, stop. Please.

[dramatic music playing]

[upbeat music playing]

[groans]

I am getting ready
for my date with Tyler,

and I'm rushing my a*s off
because I'm super late.

I'm sweating b*ll*ts,
and my makeup's just, like,

melting off of my face.

Like, really? Is this a house
or a sauna? [exhales]

You're fine. You look great.

Everything looks great.
Tug it down a little bit, though,

'cause it's getting loose up here.

[Jessica] I know.
I don't… It keeps doing that.

Keeps rolling up, like, rolling out.

Jessica is like Tinker Bell.

She is in the kitchen,
she's in the bedroom,

she's in the bathroom, she's everywhere,

and she's just so excited
to go on this date.

It is like watching
my little sister go to prom.

[doorbell ringing]

[upbeat music concludes]

-Hey.
-[Tyler] Hey. Hi!

-[Daisy barking]
-Nice to see you again.

-Where to?
-[Tyler] Hi, Daisy!

[Jessica] I'm just excited
to be hanging out with somebody

that is kind and funny
and just really easygoing.

It's a great change of pace.

[upbeat music playing]

I'm seriously about
to take these heels off

-and walk, seriously.
-[chuckles]

These shoes are just meant to, like,
walk to the restaurant instead of out.

[chuckles] Yeah.

[door hinge squeaking]

Honest to God,
these heels are way too tall

to be walking in. I was like,
"You know what?"

"I'm gonna find the tallest heels I can
so I don't feel short."

-Bad idea.
-[chuckles]

-[squeaks]
-You good?

I just started experimenting
outside of chicken strips a few years ago.

-Are you serious?
-[Tyler] I actually did, yeah.

I was such a picky eater as a kid,
and then, like, a couple years ago,

I was just like, "This is pointless."

"Like, there's so many
good foods out there."

So, I didn't have my first orange
till I was 17.

-An orange?
-[Tyler] An orange.

[chuckles]

Aw, itchy, itchy.
Dude, I cut myself buzzing yesterday.

-Aw, that's the worst.
-[Johnny sighs]

-[Marlon] You don't have the guards?
-Nah, I don't think so.

-[Marlon] See, yo, my little clippers--
-[Johnny] Well, I didn't shave.

-[Marlon] I got the guards.
-Oh!

I just shaved. My [bleep] is just bald.

[upbeat music playing]

[Johnny] I gotta go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.

I know exactly what he's thinking.

Okay.

[Johnny] All right,
we gotta make this quick.

I cannot believe
we're really gonna do this.

[zipper unzipping]

The boys are picking on me
because I say "potty."

I'm like, "All right,
I'm gonna go to the potty now."

They're like, "Why do you talk…
Like, what is that?"

"What, are you five or something?"
[chuckles]

[chuckles] That's funny.

[Averey moaning]

[Johnny] This is the first time I've ever
had sex in a restaurant's bathroom.

This is out of the ordinary,

banging in Pizza Schmizza
bathroom with Averey, having good sex.

[Johnny moaning] Day one on the job.
[breathes heavily]

[Jordan] The bathroom is locked right now.

-Are you serious?
-[Jordan] They're in there [bleep].

-They're in there [quacks].
-[crowd laughs, hoots]

[Jordan] Oh, my God! That's ridiculous.

It's your first day of work.

Your managers are still there.

Like, they're still right there.
They know what you're doing.

They're not idiots.

-[Averey moaning]
-[knocking at door]

[Johnny] One second.
We have to go, we gotta go.

[Averey] No, I know, I know.
I'm, like, sweating.

-[Johnny] Should I leave now?
-[Averey] No.

[Johnny] Leave… leave together?

[Averey] 'Cause someone else
is gonna come in.

-[Johnny] Okay, so let's go.
-[Averey] Okay, okay, okay.

[upbeat music playing]

Why are you all so-- You [bleep].
Dude, [bleep] big-a*s smile on his face.

-You dumbass.
-[laughs]

Hey, I just got a job today,
and then I went to the bathroom…

Shh!

[Johnny] Can we get fired for that?

[upbeat music playing]

-[Jessica] Daisy!
-[Daisy barking]

-[Tyler] Hey, puppy!
-[Daisy barks]

[Jessica] Where's everyone?

They all came home wasted from their job.

-[Jessica] Wow.
-Wasted.

[burps]

First day of work was awesome.
I love my job,

I love the people I'm meeting,
and it's awesome.

[whispers] Averey and Johnny
had sex at work.

-[Jessica] I'm not surprised.
-[Anastasia] In one of the bathrooms.

Ew.

Me and Averey have now given ourselves
the title of boyfriend-girlfriend.

I just had to let everyone know
this is mine.

-I feel like I'm on an alien planet.
-[whimsical music playing]

So, tell us more about the date.

We didn't have sex in the bathroom
or anything,

-but, you know.
-No.

-[Jessica laughing]
-[Tyler laughing] Yep!

[Tyler] That's hilarious.

[Jessica] What's with the big comfy couch?

[Tyler] I dunno.

[mid-tempo music playing]

-I'm laying in your lap.
-Aw.

-[Jessica giggles]
-You're pretty sexy, you know that?

-[Jessica giggles]
-[Tyler] You're, like, really sexy.

[Jessica] I have a
"No boy in my bed" policy

because I don't want
to get attached to anybody,

and I don't wanna feel close to somebody

when maybe I don't know them
as well as I should.

[Tyler]

[dial tone ringing]

-[Nick] Hello?
-[Jordan] Nick.

-[Nick] What's goin' on?
-Not a lot.

Nick, this is Jordan. We met at Couture.

I met this guy Nick
one of the first days we were here.

We got to talking about wakeboarding.
He's got a boat. They've got some boards.

-We're gonna come ride tomorrow.
-[Nick] Yeah. I've got the boat ready.

We'll go out and have some fun,
get you guys out on the water.

-It's gonna be hot tomorrow.
-Yes, please, thank you.

Like, thank you a million times.
I'm so stoked.

-[Nick] All right, buddy.
-All right, bye.

I'm just excited to kind of show

the roommates, you know,
I've got some skills.

[upbeat music playing]

[Marlon]

-[Johnny] I will, I will. No, I will.
-[Marlon] So I can

-at least laugh for the next 30 seconds.
-[chuckles]

[Jordan] I'm coming off the new Harley.

[Marlon] Wait, shades off, bro.
Shades off.

[Anastasia] She's, like,
honing in on her telepathic powers.

[Jordan] All right,
give me a whoop, whoop!

[woman] Whoop, whoop!

["My Name" playing]

♪ I've got the feeling ♪

♪ Everyone's watching ♪

♪ But they don't even know my name… ♪

[Anastasia cheers]

-[all hooting]
-[Anastasia]

-Come on, that's really awesome, right?
-Oh, right, yeah.

[chuckles] That was enough nice for me.

[Anastasia cheering]

-[rock music concludes]
-[Johnny] Yeah!

-[Jessica] Yay!
-[Johnny] Why did we let him go first?

[upbeat music playing]

You know, Black people
don't really do good in water.

[Jordan] Oh!

-Did that hurt?
-It went in my nose.

-[Jessica] Whoo!
-[Johnny] He's down.

-[Jordan] There you go.
-[Anastasia] Oh!

-[Johnny] Aw, he was--
-[Jordan] Oh, man!

-[Johnny] He was so close.
-I don't know, man.

Wakeboarding might not be my thing.

We're in a boat,
and you're about to get in the water,

and you're putting lipstick on?

-Maybe my [bleep] is waterproof.
-Oh, touché.

I'm so excited.

You get up on the first try,
I'm swimming home.

-[Averey] Oh!
-[Jordan] Get up, go!

-[Jessica] Ah!
-She was so close!

-Way to suck, Bird!
-[Johnny] You were losing your bottoms!

No, because I lost my bottoms
before I even fell off.

Being on the boat is my kind of thing.
It's really cool.

We're all doing something together
as a family.

We're all in this nice, gorgeous sun,

and I think it's just putting everyone
in such a great mood.

[Anastasia] If you fart, Marlon,
that's the end of our friendship.

-[Averey chuckling]
-[boat's motor revving]

[screams]

-[men] Oh! [laugh]
-Females down.

-[Johnny] All right.
-[Jordan] To new friends,

to tubes, to ba*ls,

-to wakeboarding.
-[Nick] To losing your shorts.

-[Jordan] To losing your shorts.
-[Marlon] To losing your shorts.

[all cheer, hoot]

[upbeat music concludes]

-[upbeat music playing]
-[phone ringing]

-Hello?
-[Nia in Southern accent] Hi, this is Nia.

I'm gonna be y'all's new roommate.

Really?

[Nia] Yeah, I'm so excited.

[Anastasia]
One second. Let me talk to the roommates.

-[Nia] Okay.
-[Anastasia] Uh, roommates?

-[Jordan] Yeah?
-[Marlon] Yeah?

[Anastasia] Our new roommate
is on the phone.

-What?
-What?

[Averey] Is that really our new roommate?

♪ Hey ♪

[song concludes]

[Nia over phone] Hi, this is Nia.
I'm gonna be y'all's new roommate.

Really?

[Nia]
Yeah, I'm so excited.

[Anastasia] One second. Uh, roommates?

Our new roommate is on the phone.

-What?
-What?

[Averey] Is that really our new roommate?

-[Jordan] Y'all run over--
-[Jessica shrieks]

-[Jordan] Yo, yo.
-Jordan.

-[Jordan] What's your name?
-[Nia] Hi, this is Nia.

I'm your new roommate.
I'm coming in tomorrow morning.

[Jordan] You're coming
in tomorrow morning?

[Nia] Yes.

New roommate coming in.

Excited, you know, to see what happens.

Hopefully, she's hot.

Hi, how are you?

[Nia] I'm good.

I'm so excited
to be coming out there tomorrow.

Finally, somebody
has a more Southern accent than I do!

-Whoo! [laughs]
-[Nia chuckling]

And what's your ethnicity?

[Nia] White and Cherokee.

Oh, okay, awesome.

[Nia]
My phone's gonna die on y'all any second,

but I will definitely be so happy
to meet you guys tomorrow.

All right. Well, we'll see you tomorrow.

-I wanna know.
-[Nia] All righty.

Okay, bye. [chuckles]

[laughs]

[normal accent] One of my best talents
is I am a great liar.

Yeah, I'm definitely a jokester.
I put on this fake, phony Southern accent.

[in Southern accent] White and Cherokee.

I have a serious obsession with fast food.

I like this. I like this.
Do you see this? This is what I like.

Mm!

There are two things
in this world that I love,

a huge [bleep] and food.

I mean, I'm Southern, but good God.

"Hi, y'all!" It was weird.
It sounded like she was faking a voice.

I really wanna get my boobs done.
I'm tired of wearing socks…

[laughs]

…tissue, balled-up in my underwear.

-Cherokee and white? That's a nice mix.
-[Jordan] So, she's… she's like,

-same color--
-That's a nice mix, dude.

-She's gonna be-- Dude, what?
-She's, like, the same color as Averey.

-A-T-L.
-[Marlon] A-T-L.

-Wait, she's from Atlanta?
-[Jordan, Johnny] Yeah.

Oh, yeah, she's definitely
gonna like the Black guys.

I definitely am not afraid to juggle,
like, six men at a time. [chuckle]

People in this world just need
to take their panties off,

take a shot of Patrón,
and shut the hell up.

Let's just hope she's normal and fun,

-and not a psycho.
-Oh, yeah, that's good.

[Jordan] Hello.

-How's everybody doing?
-[Marlon] What-- Names.

-[Marlon] What's your name?
-I'm Nicole. Nice to meet you.

-[Marlon] Nicole.
-[Emily] Emily.

-[Marlon] Emily.
-[Sydney] Sydney.

Sydney, let's put our heads together
and find something to do.

-[Jordan] Start at Splash.
-Splash?

Y'all know what Splash is?

-[Jordan] It's right there.
-It's right here on the corner.

That's probably
where we're gonna start our night.

Maybe y'all can me… Wait, wait.

Is everybody 21, over 21?

-[Sydney] No, we're seniors.
-Nope, nope, no. High school?

-[Sydney] Yeah.
-Oh, I gotta go.

-Right away.
-[girls laugh]

That is jailbait, yo.

[Jordan] Hey, maybe you should
ask ages first before names.

[Jordan, Marlon laugh]

[narrator] There is more of The Real World
on the way and it starts right now.