(the classic "Unsleeping
City" theme plays)
(moon-city shifting noise)
- Hello, one and all,
and welcome back to
another thrilling episode
of "The Unsleeping City".
I'm your humble Dungeon
Master, Brennan Lee Mulligan.
With me, as always, are
our Intrepid Heroes.
Say hi, Intrepid Heroes.
- [Intrepid Heroes] Hi, Intrepid Heroes.
- Last we left off, our
champions of New York City
had become itty bitty, oh so tiny,
in order to get to the
Monastery of the Sacred Rat.
Following their expedition
to the Sixth Borough
and the attack on Nod by
the entity known as Null,
given that name by Pete Conlan,
Vox Phantasma of New York City,
we discovered that this entity
was moving upon the world
in a very aggressive, horrifying way.
It was connected both magically
and through the waking world
to all of these properties of isolation,
erasure, the forgotten,
and the feeling of
emptiness and loneliness
that fills the hearts of those
who have forgotten their past,
their future, and their present.
We also found Ricky had a connection
to the spirits of New York,
who specifically were helping to protect,
shield, and hide the city
away from entities like Null.
The Unicorn of the Cloisters,
the spicy pigeon, who
is now Perry the Pigeon,
and the Juicy c*ck, AKA Marty,
who is the leader of the
Monastery of the Sacred Rat,
a c*ck monastery dedicated
to the Sacred Rat himself,
Rat Jesus, Kugrash.
- Jesus.
- We also discovered...
We also had a trip to
the doctor last session.
Pete and Sofia checking in
with Dr. Lugash Primjitzski,
the Unsleeping City's
premier gangster doctor.
And we also had a incredible
journey into the castle
at the center of Iga
Lisowski's family heirloom,
this magical chest where Iga
was the first in her line
to release Smoczamatka, the Dragon Mother,
and Queen of the Realms of Myth
and Legend within the chest,
to fly free, which seemed to strengthen
and increase the magic of this place
as dragons are beings of pure magic.
Smoczamatka thanked Iga for this,
although it calls into question
what Iga's relationship to the chest,
her own magic, her family,
and this dragon will be.
And Smoczamatka also
released the troublemaker egg
that had appear to be the thing
fighting back against Null the hardest,
which was this incredible granite and gold
graffiti-covered egg, a
New York City dragon's egg,
from within the hoard of this dragon.
However, upon meeting the
monks of the Sacred Rat,
all of you discovered ants
approaching the hotdog cart,
a legion of which are
approaching right now,
and thus, we leap into combat.
Let's go ahead and get our
Intrepid Heroes on the board.
- Hey, quick question, Brennan,
since we are tiny right now,
could you say that we were
the Itty Bitty New York City Committee?
- The Itty Bitty New York
City Committee indeed.
- Woah.
- You could.
You could.
(laughing)
- I guess you could say that.
I'm just wondering.
- Just wondering if you could.
- Just wondering if you could.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my god,
there's so many.
- Cool.
- Oh, boy.
- Damn.
- Are those ants?
Are those all ants?
- [Lou] Ants?
- [Brennan] You guys have some
c*ck allies around you.
- I don't see ants.
- Are those catapults?
- They're actually ketchupults,
thank you very much.
- Oh, goddammit.
- Oh, no.
- You ever just walk right into it?
(laughing)
- Cool. (laughs)
- Their little mustard battering ram.
- Mm-hmm.
- Who are the ants?
From these little icons, who are the ants
and who are the c*ck?
- You can see that out on
the b*ttlefield with you,
there are four c*ck monks,
and then Marty, the c*ck elder,
they are in the courtyard.
So, these are the c*ck monks,
these are the four-
- So, that's who's around us?
- Yeah.
Those are the four that
are surrounding you.
That's Marty.
- He's so tired.
- He's so-
Forget it, he's been working his a*s off.
That's Marty.
So, it's just the four monks and Marty
in the courtyard of
the monastery with you.
For the ants, you'll see
there are ant legionnaires,
and then there are also ant centurions.
These are the centurions.
So, these are the ants.
These are sort of the leaders
or the commanders of the ants
that are bigger, sort
of like soldier ants.
- And it looks like
they're each individually
commanding the ones who are
working the ketchupults and the-
- Yes.
And then those are the legionnaires.
The largest group is the
ones that are manning,
and even though you see them there,
they are manning the mustard wagon,
the mustard ram, and
then there are squadrons
of the commanders...
Yeah, squadrons of commanders
with the ketchupults,
and then these two melee
squadrons as well in the back,
sort of in reserve.
Our first to act is gonna be Sofia Lee.
- Okay.
I'm gonna ask you a
really stupid question,
and I know the answer's no,
but before we kind of did it,
that even though we were tiny,
Mage Hand could still lift five pounds.
Is that still the case? (laughs)
- Nobody here has a ninth
level Telekinesis as a cantrip.
- Okay.
(laughing)
You know, you have to ask if they're-
- You have to ask, and honestly,
you know, Emily, you know
I never knock the hustle.
I never knock the hustle.
- Never knock the hustle.
- Okay, then I think this is gonna be...
I mean, I keep rolling
well for initiative,
and honestly, I don't love it. (laughs)
I'm gonna go ahead and just charge.
I'm gonna assume that this very front ant
is gonna be commanding
this mustard bottle,
which seems to be a threat.
So, I think I'm just gonna go to town
on the commander ant.
- Hell yeah.
- Hell yeah.
- That ant calls out and says,
"Monks of the Monastery of the Sacred Rat,
you are hereby ordered
to subject yourselves
to the rule of her Rightful
Queen of the Throgs Neck Colony,
Her Majesty," (chanting)
they all yell out.
- The Frog's Neck?
- Or the Queen of Throgs Neck.
- Throgs Neck.
- Throgs Neck,
not a fantasy name, a real
New York name of a place.
(laughing)
- Cool.
I'm just gonna say,
"Shut the f*ck up, dude,"
and jump on him.
- Ayy.
- I believe I should easily
be able to make that.
Yeah.
Let's...
So, I'm gonna jump on him,
and I'm just gonna start hitting.
Try and see what I can do.
- Hell yeah.
Go ahead and roll your attacks.
- Okay, first one's a 26.
- Yeah.
- Yep, yep.
- That is 10 damage.
Gonna try and Stunning Strike him.
- Oh, god, here we f*cking go.
- It's this song and dance.
- I know this f*cking song.
Hold on.
(laughing)
Okay.
He rolls a 14, which is not gonna do it.
He is stunned, baby.
- Great, then I'll keep
attacking him with advantage.
Oh, god, I wish I'd Hexblade Cursed him
'cause I got a 19.
That's gonna...
Okay, that's gonna be a 28 to hit.
Another 11 damage.
- So, that's 10 and 11 so far, right?
Yeah.
- Actually, that time I only rolled an 18.
Does an 18 hit?
- 18 does hit, yes.
- Okay.
So, that's gonna be another seven,
and then I'm gonna Flurry of Blows
for one more bonus attack.
And that is 24.
And another nine damage.
And then I'll just shout out to everyone,
"He's stunned!
(laughing)
Go at him."
Can I do an insight check
to see if these little ants
are waiting on his command and authority?
- They look pretty shocked
that their commander...
So basically what happens, is he says,
"You will all surrender to Her Majesty,
the Queen of Throgs Neck."
Sofia sprinting across the rusted surface
of the hotdog cart, you
hear the reverberations
off the cliffs of the
soda and napkin shelves.
Boom, boom, boom!
(rumbling)
Just grabs, spins this
dude's helmet around
so he's looking at the back of his helmet,
and just body him with knee
shots to his ant groin.
Just, bam, bam, bam!
And he stumbles down.
All his soldiers look horrified
as their stunned commander
is just right in front of them.
- He just told me that you all should
turn your mustard bottle
around and go elsewhere.
He just whispered it to me.
Right?
Do nothing if you agree with me.
- That is Sofia's turn.
Holy sh*t.
It is now going to be...
Let me see here.
No, out of range.
- Hell yeah.
- Cool.
These monks are going
to join in the action.
So, these monks, these two, bam,
bam, are gonna run out
here to join you, Sofia.
- You attack with advantage.
- Incredible.
These two are going to rush
out to these positions,
just to defend the gate,
just hold the gate of
the monastery, basically.
And each take a dodge action.
We're gonna roll with
advantage for these...
For monks of the Sacred Rat.
Let's see.
- (laughs) I can't wait
to see them in action.
- Incredible.
So, let's go ahead and roll.
We're gonna roll two D20.
- Come on, monks.
Come on, little c*ck.
Get juicy.
- Two hits on the first...
Or, one hit 'cause its advantage.
Hit again.
Next one.
Crit.
Next one.
- Nice.
- Is also a hit because of the advantage.
That is effectively five hits,
so that's gonna be five D6 plus eight.
Hold on.
I'll roll this in front of the board.
- Whoo.
- Yes.
- 27 points of damage.
Oh my god.
This dude is not dropped.
He is not dropped.
Yeah, no.
- I like that the dice are
in scale to this set now.
- Yes, (laughs) absolutely.
But you see two of the monks go,
"Hell yeah, you got the f*cking moves!
This lady with the plastic bag,
sh**t, she knows what time it is, huh?"
(imitates punching) And they (whirring).
Passing the toothpick stabs
in between their two sets
of arms. (imitates punching)
Just punching at the same
time as they're swinging
'cause they've got the limbs for it.
These c*ck monks are pretty good.
After them it is going
to be the ant centurions.
This one is stunned.
This one here is going to hold an action.
Actually, no, he's gonna
roll an attack against Sofia.
- Which one?
- Not the one that you stunned.
- [Ally] Which Sofia?
- This one is going to
take a double move.
Homeboy here surges forward to
the back of the mustard wagon
and is going to bark for one of the ants
to take an attack against Sofia.
Hits.
And that's going to be...
Sofia takes four points of damage.
- Okay.
- Next.
Yeah, this one is going to just move.
- [Emily] So, this is the
top of a hotdog cart, right?
Is there boiling oil in?
- Yes.
So, the hotdog cart is being kept heated
by the c*ck here,
so yes, there is boiling stuff.
There is hot stuff in the
hotdog pits and stuff like that.
Absolutely.
- Oh, I should've just stunned this dude
then threw him in the boiling oil.
(laughing)
- That is now going to be...
The other centurions are going
to steer their ketchupults.
I'm going to need a dexterity saving throw
from Ox, Pete, and Cody.
- No!
- f*ck.
- Cody, oh no.
- Why is Ox not next to that?
(laughing)
Ox, come back.
Dexterity for Ox, okay.
- That's 11.
- 11, cool.
- My new triple sword
gives me disadvantage on dexterity checks.
- Wait, do they get plus four
because they're next to Cody?
- 'Cause they're within 10 feet.
If they're within 10 feet
of Ricky, then yes, they do.
- 15.
- Or Cody.
Does Cody's work?
- Yeah, Cody gets plus four
to all saves to people within 10 feet.
- All right, wow.
- Okay.
- 12 for Ox.
- 12, 15 for Pete.
- I got a 15 as well.
- Okay.
You guys take four points of damage
as a giant splotch of ketchup
hits you guys with a ketchupult.
That's going to be...
I'm gonna need a dexterity
from Iga, Kingston, and Misiek as well.
- Oh.
- Mm-mm, we rolled poorly.
- Yeah, why you come for
the old people like that?
That's only a seven.
- I got a five
and Misiek got a four.
(Lou laughs)
- You guys take 19 points of-
- Damn!
- Take 19 points of acid damage.
- Misiek is dead.
- Oh, no!
- Misiek is toast.
- What does that mean?
- Like, dead dead, or out?
- Like, unconscious?
- I mean, that's more than
double his hit point max.
- Wait, how close is he to me?
- He's a familiar, though.
Can I revive him with Find Familiar?
- Oh, Misiek has died so many times.
You just go back into the
chest and get him again.
- Okay, great.
Phew.
- You wake up, I would say,
every three mornings or so,
you wake up and Misiek is dead
and you have to go back into the chest.
- Just have died of natural causes
in your living room?
That's horrifying.
- Just constantly.
- He's not looking well ever.
These guys are supposed
to live for 15 years max,
he's been alive for centuries.
- All right.
I look to Iga to see what her
reaction is to Misiek dying.
- He dies all the time, it's fine,
it just smells a little bit when it...
It's okay.
I love him so much, he's a good boy.
- Who beefed?
(laughing)
- Wasn't me.
- Cody, did you beef?
- No, I didn't beef.
- Whoever denied it supplied it, dude.
- That's going to be-
- f*ck.
It's airtight.
- That's gonna be Cody,
the Night Angel's turn.
- sh*t.
(laughing)
Oh, god.
Is my moped here?
It's here right?
Please.
- Would you have brought it to the gnomes?
- Yes.
Yes, definitely.
- I would say that tracks.
He's pretty obsessed with the moped.
- Cool.
The moped-
- It's the one thing that he has left.
- I need it, I can't move.
- The moped is here.
I'm not gonna f*ck you on
this terrible f*cking sword,
and then-
- I really can't move.
Yes, I will read what my sword
does right before I attack.
So, it's gonna be 60 feet
of movement with the moped,
Cody with this giant ridiculous sword,
looking extremely depressed.
Revs his moped and gets pretty far,
but is gonna have to hop off the moped
and hoof it to this dude right here.
Or, I guess I don't have to,
I could do a dash with my moped, right?
- [Brennan] Uh-huh.
Yes, absolutely.
- Okay.
So, I'll just moped up and
really halfheartedly go,
"f*cking Sword Art Thirsting Blade,
Dark Excalibur, Mega
Genesis, give me strength,"
and I will read this ridiculous sword
that Brennan sent to me.
You have a minus two bonus
to attack and damage rolls
made with this magic weapon,
but it's plus 30 to damage.
You must use your object interaction
every round on your turn to
make a DC 15 athletics check,
I'm not proficient, to use this weapon.
So, that's me pulling it up-
- Because it's so heavy?
- Because it's so heavy.
Every attack with this weapon
is rolled with disadvantage
and no attack made with it
can be granted advantage.
On a nat 20 this weapon deals
an additional 20 D10 necrotic damage
and you regain that many hit points.
This weapon gives you disadvantage
on dexterity-based
checks and saving throws.
So, it is so powerful-
- You have to roll.
- You can only get a nat 20.
- You have to roll a nat 20,
but with disadvantage.
- Two nat 20s.
- Twice.
- You have to roll two nat 20s.
- Yeah.
- After beating your 15 athletics check,
which you don't have proficiency in.
- So, just to lift my sword,
I need to roll an 11,
so I'll just roll that
in front of the table.
- Roll in front of the table.
- Cody tries his damnedest
to lift this thing.
(laughing)
- Damn, dude.
- I fart.
I do fart.
After Ricky made fun of me,
I just rip a*s so hard.
- Ricky has a a perfect sense of smell.
- I'm gonna need a DC 20
dexterity saving throw right now.
- f*ck!
- You have disadvantage.
- To not get crushed by it?
- With disadvantage.
- To not get crushed by your own sword.
- That was a natural one.
(laughing)
- All right, I'm rolling
them in front of the board.
I get plus two to this.
- Roll in front of the board.
- I get a plus two to this.
f*ck.
Okay, so-
- Seven.
It's okay.
- I got a seven.
- It's not 20.
(laughing)
- Okay.
- Do you get a plus four?
- It's not 20.
- No, only plus two.
Oh wait, was it saving throw?
- Saving throw.
- Okay, so, sorry.
So, I do have my aura.
I am still a paladin somehow.
I got an 11.
- An 11, cool.
The DC was 20.
- Great.
Very neat.
- Hold on one second.
- Stack.
- Cody, you do make it to that square,
but rolling that athletics check,
you, on your moped, go into top speed,
go to make a slight turn, over correct,
and wipe out on your moped,
stabbing yourself very badly
for 30 points of damage
as you crash.
- Oh, no!
- As your crash your moped.
- Mega Genesis, how could you?
- "What's up?
I'm the bad boy of the triple sword.
Get ready for Thirsting Blade,
Dark Excalibur, Mega Ge-"
(imitates banging)
Wipe out.
- For 30 points of damage?
Is that what you-
- He gets into a top speed moped crash
holding a sword that is
sharp in all directions.
There's no way to hold this without...
You know how Darth Maul would absolutely
have cut himself in half?
You know how double weapons
exist f*cking nowhere
in real history or life?
- It's a triple weapon.
It's a fork.
- It's just a made up, nerd...
People don't f*cking have
a way to hold a weapon
so that a sharp point is
ever pointing back at you.
- I'm just laying in it.
I'm wearing tiny shoes from Pete
that are too small for my feet.
I have that way too big shirt and pants
from the construction worker
and I'm just covered in a
giant sword under my moped.
f*cking leave me here.
(laughing)
- f*cking leave me here.
- Oh my god.
- Should you use your second attack, or?
(laughing)
- Oh, I do have a second.
- No, no.
- f*ck.
No?
- Cody cannot...
You have an action, but you have to roll,
as your object interaction,
an athletics check
to see if you can use the sword that turn.
You cannot use the sword this turn
because you rolled a natural one.
You have an action left-
- oh, right.
Cool.
- But there are no attacks
happening this turn,
at least with Thirsting Blade,
Dark Excalibur, Mega Genesis.
- Can you punch the ant?
- I hold my hand out and
I'll cast Inflict Wounds.
So, I just go like, "f*ck you, dude,"
from under the moped.
f*cking eat my a*s.
It needs to...
Okay, it's a plus eight to hit.
Let's see.
26 to hit.
- 26 hits.
- Okay.
I'm going to damage.
I got D&D Beyond here.
Nine, 13 damage.
- Oh my god.
- Yeah.
I think it's just 13 necrotic damage.
Jesus Christ, what a shitty turn.
- Cody, I was gonna ask if you're okay,
but I can tell you're not.
- No.
- But I wanted to make the move
to let you know that
I care if you're okay.
- Appreciate it.
I'm just gonna stay
under this f*cking moped.
I guess I get up so that they
don't get advantage on me,
and that's my turn.
- You guys see Cody's
got some bad road rash
and a bad cut on him from...
I can't believe you rolled
a nat 1 on your first roll.
Whoo, baby.
Okay.
That is Cody's turn.
- Legendary.
- Legendary.
A legendarily bad turn.
Maybe the worst turn in
Dimension 20 history.
- Has anyone ever done
30 damage to themselves
and done nothing?
- 10 D6 to self.
- That's not true, you-
- You hurt somebody a little bit.
- You did Inflict Wounds.
- Oh yeah, I did.
I got to reach my hand
out and Inflict Wounds
after I dropped my
f*cking sword on myself.
- "f*ck you, dude," from the ground,
did Inflict Wounds on this ant.
(laughing)
- Wow, I love this sword.
It's so funny.
- This is very, very good.
Very, very good.
Okay.
That's Cody.
The commander that rushed
up behind the mustard wagon,
you see calls out and says,
"Ants, pay no heed.
Fall back, fire!"
And you see that the mustard wagon
is going to move
back.
Oh.
Moves back.
I'm gonna need a dexterity saving throw
from Sofia and both these monks.
- Okay.
- And the centurion?
- And the centurion, actually.
So, we're gonna roll-
- He's gonna automatically fail dex saves.
- Ooh.
- Oh, baby.
- Because he's stunned.
- They're gonna mustard their own guy?
- Oh, I just crit!
I crit, I got a 20 on my dex save.
- With evasion you take no damage.
These c*ck monks have
a plus two to this save.
The DC's very low, the DC's only 10.
Hold on one second.
Eight or higher will do it.
Oh, one of them does not get it done.
So, Sofia, you take no damage.
One of these...
You see that they see
centurion is a goner,
and these ants ruthlessly
and remorselessly
torch their own centurion,
squeeze the bottle, and blast
Sofia and both c*ck.
As they do so...
Let me just see here real quick.
- Is this like...
I've never used this before.
Just 'cause I don't know what
the mustard is reflavored as,
but would this be a Deflect
Missiles opportunity, or?
- This is unfortunately Area of Effect.
- Okay, yeah.
- But you don't take any damage, right?
- Right, yeah, no, I take no damage.
- 15 and 12, that's 27.
27 means this monk has taken-
- Oh, I see what you mean.
- 13.
You guys see this monk here
drops to death saves.
- Oh!
- No!
- No.
- (whooshing) As mustard
splatters all over.
That is the mustard wagon's turn,
and now it's gonna be
these ant legionnaires
that are gonna charge forward.
- They go twice?
- Only the centurions went.
- Oh, the legionnaires, gotcha.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
These guys surge forward over here.
These guys are going
to (imitates marching)
surge here.
And these guys are going to go,
gonna come around here.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Surrounding Cody.
And then-
- I just realized something, Brennan.
- Yeah?
- Cody definitely doesn't
have leather armor,
the studded leather armor anymore,
he definitely just has, right?
- Yeah.
- 'Cause he just...
So, my armor class is, what is it?
10 plus your dex?
- Yep.
- Cool, so my armor class is now 12.
- Cody, you see these ants...
Cody, only you can see
these ants right now.
You see that they are
carrying long straws.
They have long pieces
of straw around them.
But now we're gonna roll
a bunch of attacks to see-
- No.
- How much you can see more than that.
So, what's your current armor class, Cody?
- 12.
- Ohh, boy.
12, let's see.
- Trying to get up my sword to block.
Come on.
(Emily laughs)
- You take five points of slashing damage.
- Okay.
- Oh, sh*t.
- No.
- You take five points of slashing damage,
14, 17 points of piercing damage,
and I'm gonna need three
constitution saving throws.
- First one is a 17.
- Cool.
- Next one is a 16.
Next one is a 24.
- You are not poisoned.
As these ant legionnaires,
(grunts) start slashing with gladiuses
they are also biting you
with their mandibles,
and you can feel powerful ant venom
as they attempt to bite you.
You see this group of
ants to the north of you
hustle towards the wall and vanish.
- No.
- Oh, sh*t.
- Oh.
As in, they cast Invisibility,
or as in, they entered something?
- You're surrounded by ants on all sides,
Cody, that are kicking your a*s.
You can't see past that Heineken bottle,
so you don't see what happens
when they actually get to the wall.
- All right.
I will yell, "Some ants
are kicking my a*s,
but they're big ants, so it's fine.
There's other ants that
either turned invisible
or jumped over a wall.
They're all big ants."
- 30, hold on.
Okay.
A bunch of these ants
are also gonna take some shots at Sofia,
whose armor class is currently 19.
One, two, three.
Four.
One, two.
Holy sh*t.
All misses as peel 'em, these spears.
Also, you can do Deflect
Missiles if you want...
No, because that's only if it hits.
- It's only if it hits, yeah.
- Yeah, so you effortlessly are spinning
out of the way of the
mustard, take no damage,
spears rain past you.
None of them hit.
That is going to be Kingston Brown.
- [Lou] Okay.
Cody, what are you at?
- I'm at 36.
(laughing)
- Okay.
Okay.
- I'm fine, Kingston.
- And you're trapped?
- Kingston, I think I can go retrieve him,
if you wanna do other stuff.
- No one needs to retrieve me,
it's fine.
- Did you sh*t your pants
and then a bunch of ants bit you?
- I farted, I didn't
f*cking sh*t my pants.
- You've got ants in your pants?
- I f*cking farted.
- Cody.
- I ripped.
I f*cking ripped a loud one-
- It's because the pants are so big,
the ants can get in there.
- Oh.
No, the ants are bigger than the pants.
- What happened to your moped?
- I don't know if I've ever-
- That's your moped.
- It's flipped.
- If I've told this story on this show,
but one of the funniest things ever was,
in class one time, a woman
in the hallway outside farted
and dropped all the
papers she was holding.
And that one, two, it was
the funniest thing ever.
And the idea that you stabbed
yourself after farting
is so funny.
(laughing)
- Too good.
- You crashed your moped
'cause you were distracted
by your own fart.
- I'm gonna do...
Okay, I look to Sofia and I say,
"All right, you get him to me
and we'll take care of him."
- Yeah, yeah.
- And I'll get...
I'll go, I think this
is about 30 feet, right?
Check.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Lou] Yeah, I'll go right there.
Actually, I should go right here.
I'm gonna cast...
How exposed are these ants?
- [Brennan] Which ones?
The ones carrying the wagon,
or the ones around Cody?
- The ones carrying the wagon.
- They are, I know they look
like they're on top of it,
but they're actually sort
of pushing it from the sides
as they move along.
- Can I throw a Lightning
Bolt just down that line?
(whooshing)
- You love to see it.
- Oh.
- You absolutely love to see it.
- Holy sh*t.
- Wow.
- Yes, Kingston, you absolutely can.
- See, I wanted you to do
something fun for yourself.
- Yeah, I wanted to do it, too,
but I was like, I wanna
take care of the boy.
- The boy, I think we can, yeah,
throw those lightning bolts.
- We'll get him back.
Yeah, we'll cast fourth
level Lightning Bolt.
I just throw nine D6 down the line.
- [Brennan] Go ahead and give
me nine D6 damage, Kingston.
- You know what?
We'll roll it...
Can I roll it in this?
I don't know how.
- Yeah.
Backslash roll-
- Just slash roll.
- And then space "nine D6".
- Backslash roll-
- it's forward slash.
- Or forward slash roll.
- Yeah, just slash roll.
- [Lou] Did that work?
- Yeah, there it is.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Ooh, Doctor.
- Wow.
- 31.
- Yeah.
- 31 points of damage to anyone who fails
a DC 17 saving throw.
- Okay.
Let's throw six D20 in front of the board.
A 16.
Oh, god, those are low rolls.
Jesus.
- Wow.
- Hold on.
And you did 31 points of damage?
- I did.
- Oh, god.
- Bye-bye.
- Does Lightning Bolt
catch things on fire?
Does it do like a-
- It does.
Anything that's not worn-
- so, those Popsicle sticks
might go on fire.
- Yeah, it seems like that's wood.
Seems pretty flammable.
- Igniting flammable objects.
- Yeah, actually, I'm gonna make
a final roll for the mustard wagon.
12's not gonna do it.
So, you see the mustard wagon
is going to take 31 points of damage.
(whooshing)
Kingston, you stride out,
get partial cover behind that hotdog...
There's these sort of little barricades
around the monastery,
hotdog buns with toothpicks
put through them.
You, boom, call up lightning.
The metallic surface of the hotdog cart
ripples with static electricity.
Lightning bolt appears in your hand.
(whooshes) First five
ants in the line die.
- Hell yeah.
- Mustard wagon catches on fire.
You have drastically impaired
the mustard wagon's ability to move,
which means all those ants fighting Cody
will have to choose
between finishing Cody off
or jumping to their commander's order
to move the wagon, basically.
- Great.
So, I did help Cody.
Yes, there it is.
- Yeah.
- This ultimately helps me more.
(laughing)
- Kingston looks back
at that one c*ck
and is like, "This is good, right,
that they can't sh**t mustard at us?"
(laughing)
- He's like, "Yeah,
this is extremely good!
The mustard f*ck us up,
it's not good for ya."
- Great, great.
- Yeah, the mustard felled
one of them out here.
There's a c*ck making
death saves out here
'cause of the mustard.
- I'm on him next.
(laughing)
- Amazing.
Okay, next in the initiative
is going to be Ricky Matsui.
- Ricky is going to use
Ox's movement to here.
So, come over here.
He's gonna use Hypnotic Pattern,
and it's a 30-foot cube.
- Woah.
- I think the range is
120 feet from this...
Yeah, that centurion that you just...
To like, here.
- Whoo.
- Damn.
- Hell yeah.
- [Zac] Get as many as I can in there.
- [Brennan] Dude, I think...
Hold on.
- [Zac] I may not get that
one, the last one on the right,
but I think I get pretty
much all the rest of them.
- [Brennan] Yeah.
Everyone else you can
absolutely get, dude.
- And that's a wisdom saving throw, DC 16.
- Hell yeah.
These two centurions are
gonna use their reaction,
as they see you coming to do magic,
yell to two of the
legionnaires and go, "Forward!"
Two of the little guys
get to use their reaction
because of that reaction
to sprint their movement forward
and dive over here by these barricades.
The rest are gonna get
hit by that pattern.
The DC for you is 16, and
this is a wisdom saving throw?
- Yes.
And if they are hit, they'll
be charmed by the spell
and get incapacitated by a
speed of zero for a minute.
- Whoo!
- Jesus.
Okay, this is the important one
for the two centurions.
They need 13s or higher.
One, the centurion right
here that's the closest.
So, this guy right here
is full incapacitated.
This dude succeeds on his save over here.
Now we're gonna roll six
D20 for the legionnaires.
They need 13s or higher as well.
Fail, fail.
Four of six fail that roll.
Incredible.
So, these front two fail,
and these two over on the left hand side
of the ketchupult fail.
So, they are all incapacitated as well.
Ricky, what does your magic look like
as you surge towards the
edge of that giant hotdog?
- I think it's like a floating
just idea of a picnic.
Just a floating picnic blanket
with the red and white squares.
- They look around, they say,
"Brothers, the promised
land, Elysium awaits!
The Picnic of Paradise!"
And they look like they have already died.
Incredible.
- Oh, and then, yeah, I think maybe...
That was like, 30 feet of Ox's movement
and he has another...
I guess I'll take a double move
so he has another 90 feet to go here...
Oh, woah.
To here.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- So.
- Hell yeah.
Great.
- [Zac] Move here with Ox.
- Awesome.
You duck in over there.
- It is going to be Iga's turn.
- This is the first time I'm using magic
since my interaction with the dragon,
so I'd like to say, "Hello, hi,
if you can hear me, I
would love to be able
to fly over to where Kingston is,
and then maybe Shatter
this area over here.
Can you hear?
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Is that okay?
I just wanna have permission?"
(growling)
- You fling into the air,
feeling more buoyant-
- Okay!
(laughing)
So then I'd like to cast Shatter.
Can you do this?
- Yeah.
Back, by the...
Yeah, cool, cool, cool.
- [Siobhan] So, I think
I can hit this centurion
and all four of these ants back here
and the ketchup and the mustard.
- Yeah, I think you-
- And Shatter damages
all non-magical objects
that aren't worn or carried.
- Hell yes.
So, we're gonna roll saves
for those five, first of all.
- Yeah.
So, it's a constitution saving throw.
- Hell yes.
Con save.
Need a 14 or higher from the centurion.
Centurion hits a nat 20.
Four next to the centurion.
Save, save, fail, fail.
So, the two in the back fail.
Now we're gonna roll for the ketchupult
and the mustard wagon as well.
Fail from the mustard wagon.
- Great.
- Success from the ketchupult.
- Dexterous catapult.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Well, this is con, right?
- Oh yes, it's constitution.
- Cool, cool, cool.
- So, that's 24 damage or 12 halved.
Oh.
- Okay.
Does it do double damage
to objects, or no?
- A non-magical object that
isn't being worn or carried
also takes the damage.
Oh, so they don't actually
roll con saves, I think.
I think they just take the damage.
- Damn, okay.
That ketchupult is looking messed up.
As for the mustard wagon,
Iga, you fly up, boom!
You guys hear a thunderous roar.
The bridge collapses.
Those two ants in the back fall
immediately to their death,
and you can hear the steam rising
as they hit the water underneath.
The mustard wagon ruptures
and mustard blasts out of
the back into the thing
and is fully broken.
The mustard wagon is destroyed.
- Woah.
- Great.
- Hell yes.
Gone, gone, and ketchup wagon
took 24 points of shatter damage.
Incredible magic casting from Iga.
Boom!
The biggest siege weapon
they had is no more.
After Iga, that is Pete's turn.
- [Ally] Okay, I'm going
to take a full dash
and get over here next to Ricky,
maybe tucked up here kind of.
- Cool.
- Hidden.
And then I'm gonna say to Cody,
"Hey, man.
Like, yeah, that was kind of embarrassing,
but who f*cking cares, man?
You're still super metal!"
And as I say "Metal," I would like to cast
a fifth level Fireball.
Or, you know what?
I'm gonna say all of that
from not a double movement
so that I can cast...
No, f*ck it, yeah, I'm gonna do that.
That's exactly what I'm going to do.
- Cool.
- And I'm going to use Careful Spell,
so when I tell Cody he's metal,
all of a sudden flames
erupt all around him
and he's untouched.
Him and his moped.
- Hell yeah.
- And that should get everyone.
It's 20-foot.
- 20-foot radius, right?
- Yeah.
- So, let's see.
So, that's like, 40 feet.
Let me just see something.
I'm gonna set an aura real quick.
Cool.
If you wanna center it on
that centurion right there,
you'll hit everybody but the
front two ants on the left.
- Oh, there we go.
- Amazing.
- Woah.
- There it is.
- Holy sh*t.
- Hell yeah.
- Yeah.
- All right, I'm gonna roll.
It's just slash roll?
- Slash roll,
and you're doing fifth level?
- Yes, I'm doing fifth level,
so that should be 10 D6.
- [Brennan] 10 D6 is right.
- Woah.
- Wow.
- [Lou] W-O-A-H.
- Hell yeah.
- Yeah.
- [Zac] That spells woah.
(laughing)
- Okay.
Well, let's see here.
34 damage is going to be...
I'm gonna say that these two centurions
are actually going to use their reactions
to move two of their
ants out of the blast.
Boom, boom.
So, that's one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
We're gonna roll 10 D20.
These guys need 14s or higher
to just save for half.
One, two, three, four.
- Two nat 1s.
- Woah.
- Wow.
- Wow.
- That's only-
- Brutal.
- Two of those are saves.
(Ally laughs)
Oh my god, okay.
- You know what?
Can I bend luck and try to
get that 16 down with a four?
- Yeah, if you wanna do it, go for it.
One!
- Ah, damn.
All right.
- Oh, no.
- Almost.
- Cool.
34 is still 17, good god.
We're gonna roll saves for
the two legionnaires as well.
Both of them fail.
That's 34 damage to both of them.
Both of the centurions are still up,
however, Pete, you see.
(imitates expl*si*n)
- Hell yeah.
- Eruption of fire, all of them are gone.
We're gonna roll a save
for the ketchupult as well.
The ketchupult and
mustard wagon are fully...
Well, the mustard wagon was already done.
The ketchupult also erupts
in flame and is destroyed,
so both that northern
ketchupult and the mustard wagon
are no longer functional.
- And the southern
ketchupult is being manned
by those who fell for Hypnotic Spectre.
I mean, Hypnotic-
- It looks like
it still has a partial skeleton crew
that might be rolling with disadvantage,
but it looks like they still have
some non-hypnotized ants down there.
So, it's still potentially functional.
Holy sh*t, you guys are very powerful.
- Thanks, Pete, that was awesome.
- For sure, man, you're great.
- I'm not, but thank you so much.
- Pete, I'm not sure if we
should tell him he's great.
- He's so great, man.
That's my roommate right there!
Yeah!
Your shoes look cool.
- Thank you.
- (laughs) You just
complimented your own shoes.
- They're size six men's shoes.
- Dude, those tiny-a*s
Foamposites look amazing on you.
- You guys see Marty rushes
over to his fallen comrade,
looks to you, Kingston, and says,
"I got my guy, you're good.
Take care of your boy!"
- All right.
Okay.
c*ck magic, cool, cool, cool, cool.
This city is the greatest.
(laughing)
- Sofia, that's gonna be you.
- Okay, so it seems like all
this area of effect stuff
is incredibly powerful.
Do I have an insight if I cast
Darkness on this catapult?
If they're already
rolling with disadvantage,
it's not like it's going to...
It's not gonna be double disadvantaged,
or something like that.
- You could potentially
cast Darkness on them
and prevent them from even
picking the right square.
That's still a possibility.
- Ooh.
- There are also those-
- I know, that's what
I'm trying to decide.
- Ants who disappeared.
- You all are so good at
the area of effect stuff,
I think I'm just going to use
some of my movement right now
to jump up onto the top
of this Heineken bottle
and see what's going on,
and survey where the
ants disappeared from.
- The first thing you see, Sofia,
when you jump on top
of the Heineken bottle,
is that right there.
You see a-
- The ladder?
- The ladder.
A siege ladder made of straws-
- Cool.
- Appears up at the top.
You definitely have the
jump speed to get...
Definitely have the jump distance
to get up to the top of
the shelf if you want to.
- Yeah.
Do I get the sense that they're invisible
and climbing up it right now?
Do I sense it here?
- You don't think
they're invisible, you think they already
made it to the top.
- Oh.
Okay.
Then I'm gonna jump to the top,
kick the siege ladder down
and try to find them.
- Hell yes.
- 'Cause I do still have movement left
and I can Step of the Wind if I need.
- Damn.
Tiny Sofia is-
- Hell yeah.
- You can also just run up walls, right?
- Yeah, that's true, I just
run up the wall. (laughs)
- As you leap to the top, Sofia,
you find what you're looking for.
Blam.
- Oof.
- Yeah, baby.
All right.
So, I'm gonna kick this.
I am gonna kick this.
My object interaction's gonna be
kicking the siege ladder
down so no one else can come.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- Do you think that I had to use
a Step of the Wind to get up here?
- So yeah, Sofia, you kick the ladder
with your free interaction.
- [Emily] Yeah.
And then I think I'll Step of
the Wind to get to this guy,
and they can all get opportunity
attacks if they want.
- They do wanna do that.
(laughing)
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
Six.
Two.
Miss, miss, hit, hit, hit, hit.
- Shield.
Does Shield change those hits?
- The lowest of them were-
- You know what?
I think I wanna take it.
I wanna take it.
- Oh my god.
- Oh, no.
- Okay.
- But it's poison, right?
- Is it poison?
- Oh, I don't know.
- So - they tried to poison me.
- I think it's only mandible attacks.
- Sofia, you take 22 points of damage.
- I'm gonna need four
constitution saving throws.
- Oh, this is gonna poison me?
In that case, can I say I do Shield,
or do you want to be a stickler?
- I'm gonna say that Sofia followed,
because you didn't know
there was gonna be poison
until you get poisoned,
I'm gonna say that no Shield this time.
- Okay.
- Oh, so you wanna be a
stickler, is what I'm hearing?
- Sounds like-
- Okay.
Four constitution saves?
I mean, I'm fully going to be poisoned.
Poison means I get
disadvantage on my attacks?
- Yes.
- f*ck me.
Okay.
- The DC is very low.
- 14 is the first one.
- 14 passes.
- 11 is the next one.
- Exactly passes.
You can't get one less than that.
- Come on, now.
- I got another 11.
- Ugh.
- I failed.
Seven.
- Oh.
- Damn.
- f*ck.
- Bend Luck?
- A seven-
- If I get a four?
- If you get a four.
- You need to get a four.
- You know you have to
get exactly a four, right?
- I'll roll it on the board.
- I'm worried about
how bad this poison is.
- Roll it on the board.
(cheering)
You've gotta be f*cking kidding me.
- Ah, yes.
- Ally, you are unbelievable.
- Hell yeah.
- You are unbelievable.
- I can just feel you up there
and I'm like, "Sofia B.,
take care of yourself!"
(laughing)
- Pete, you are just f*cking
getting me these days.
- I love you guys.
I love all you guys.
Did you know that?
(laughing)
- Ricky looks at Pete and is like,
"Sheesh, is that what I was?"
(laughing)
- Truly un-f*cking-believable.
Sofia-
- And then-
- You are not poisoned.
- Now I have my action.
- Go ahead and take your swings.
- First one's going to be a 15.
- You do not hit on a 15.
- Okay.
Next one's gonna be 18.
- That does hit.
- Okay.
That's eight damage and
I'm gonna Stunning Strike.
- Eight damage, Stunning Strike.
- He succeeds, with a 15.
- Okay.
All right, well, I'm in the fray now.
I found them!
(laughing)
- Seeing this insane monk jump up there
and just a distant, "I found them,"
and the sounds of fighting.
(imitates swords clashing)
"Found 'em."
- Incredible.
- I look at them all, though,
and I say, "Shield is coming for you,
(laughing)
next time you're back."
- Amazing.
That is Sofia's turn.
We're gonna get a death
save for our fallen buddy.
- Oof, pour one out.
- Three, that's a fail.
However, the other monks are
going to leap into action.
One.
Two, three.
Let's go.
That is a hit for six damage
to this little legionnaire,
and this dude's gonna run over here,
start getting the last soldiers
over on the mustard wagon.
Doesn't hit, needed a 10.
That is gonna be the
monks of the Sacred Rat.
(yells)
(imitates punching)
Now it's gonna be the centurions.
This centurion's going
to come for you, Sofia.
- [Emily] Okay.
- Misses twice.
Gonna use his reaction to grant
one of his allies an attack,
which is a natural one.
Good job, buddy.
(laughing)
Way to go.
This centurion fighting
Cody's gonna take two swings.
He's going to hit.
I'm gonna need a constitution.
- 16.
- That passes.
You do take nine points
of piercing damage.
- Okay, still up.
- [Brennan] This dude is
going to close as well.
He's gonna take two swings.
Misses horribly both times.
Guys, we can't be rolling like this.
(Emily laughs)
This dude is gonna stay
with his ketchupult
that's still operational
to continue firing.
And that is-
- The other guy's hypnotized, right?
- Other dude is hypnotized.
You see this dude right here.
Another squadron appears
over the edge of the board.
- What?
- And (whooshes).
They are going to hustle. (hums)
These guys are gonna move quickly
and make it all the way here.
Actually.
Awesome.
That is now going to be the ketchupult.
The operating ketchupult
that I believe still...
Was partially injured,
so is firing with disadvantage,
which basically means
I'm gonna have asked for
dexterity saving throws
from Kingston and Iga with advantage.
- I'm still old, so.
- Pretty old.
- First one was very bad.
- Okay, I did good, I got a dirty 20.
- Hell yeah.
- Oh, a two and a three over here.
- Aww.
- Oof.
- Well, I guess that's
actually a three and a four.
- Kingston, you take 12 acid damage,
Iga, you take six.
Marty takes the full 12
as he goes prostrate
over his friend's body
to protect him from getting
a failed death save.
- Aww.
- Aww.
- What an absolute king.
- I've gotta remember
that move, that's good.
(laughing)
Teaching good things here.
- That's the ketchupult.
Cody, that's you, baby.
- Oh, boy.
I mean, I've gotta try to
use this sword one more time.
I just have to.
- Okay, let's see the athletics check.
You need an 11 or higher,
in front of the board.
- I f*cking love this.
- Ricky's just.
(laughing)
- Please! (yells)
Just absolutely heaving,
lifting with my back.
Okay.
I lift it successfully, that is-
(Siobhan yells)
- Okay.
- Hell yeah.
- Now you're rolling an
attack with disadvantage.
- Okay.
I'm just gonna roll two D20s.
Know that I have a plus six to this.
- Natural one.
(laughing)
- Don't laugh so hard!
- A perfect second beat.
- This is the funniest sh*t.
- Oh my god.
- This is the real Hypnotic Pattern.
- Murph-
- I'm gonna say, I've
been shocked by this show.
- Murph, I am gonna need
just a DC 15 dexterity saving throw here.
- No!
- Stop trying to make it
sound like that's easy.
(laughing)
- Oh, you got it!
- No, that's not.
- No, five is disadvantage.
Is that 15?
- Disadvantage.
- Do you have a plus 10 to dexterity?
- No, I have a plus six to dexterity.
- Okay.
- You're gonna roll another 10 D6?
Come on.
- No.
- You monster.
- I'm not gonna roll
another 10 D6.
Murph, it is your choice.
You may either deal your
weapon's damage to yourself,
or go prone to avoid doing so.
- I have to go prone, I
just absolutely have to.
- You guys-
(laughing)
You guys see Cody manage
to get this thing up.
You see a full back spasm,
and Cody goes down hard.
(Brian yells)
(laughing)
- Does he fart?
- Yeah, he farts hard.
He farts super-
- That's just a nat one?
(farting)
- No!
- Cody, you do have another attack
with your attack action.
- Okay.
- Oh, yeah.
(laughing)
- I already have disadvantage,
so I just attempt to
swing it again at him.
- Yep, you attack him from prone.
- Let's go.
- Cool.
- Let's go, this is it.
(laughing)
- [Brennan] This is it.
- This is-
- f*ck.
10.
- 10.
You manage, from the ground,
to kind of scrap it slowly over your head.
(Brian groaning)
(sword scraping)
This is the funniest thing
that's ever happened.
- It's really k*lling me.
- This is so shitty.
- Oh my god.
- I guess while I'm on the ground
I just cast Shield of Faith on myself.
(laughing)
- You cast-
- Eye of the f*cking
Lord of Darkness, the Flame, protect me.
Bazathrax, make f*cking fire
come around me, or something.
- Bazathrax goes, "What's
going on out there, dude?
You crushing?
Are you crushing right now?"
- Are you not paying attention?
Can you not see anything?
Can you sense anything?
- Dude, I'm in your skin.
I'm in your tattoo, dude.
Unless you tell me what's going on,
I got no freakin' idea
what's going on out there.
- You don't sense things?
- Dude, I'm f*ck' trapped in here, bro!
- All right, all right.
We're gonna cast Shield of Faith.
- (laughs) You cast Shield of Faith.
You have to stay prone
in order to have not
taken that damage on that nat one.
- Awesome.
So, I'm just under my moped again.
I flipped the moped when I did it.
- What sort of faith is
shielding you right now, Cody?
(laughing)
I'm just kinda curious.
- I think I'm just-
- does it look like
that sheet you had earlier?
(laughing)
- Yeah, I'm once again in a cocoon-
- Full cocoon.
- Of the sheet that divides.
I'm just on the ground, cocooned
in a sheet, under a moped.
As I swung, I knocked the moped over again
and did a front flip over it
and farted and got trapped.
- It's like a "Dragon Ball Z" sheet.
It's very worn.
- Threadbare.
- Oh my god.
(laughing)
- Just looking up at the sky.
- Sofia, attacks are raining down on you.
- All right.
Shield!
Now I use it.
- None of them hit.
- Yeah.
(whooshing)
- Here comes some more.
Not...
Oh, one, a single solitary hit.
I am gonna need a
constitution saving throw.
- Okay.
Yeah, baby, 17.
- You take four points of piercing damage.
- Okay.
- Bada boom, bada bam.
Hell yeah.
- God.
- You all see...
These guys are now gonna come,
one, two, three, four,
around this c*ck monk.
They're gonna take some swings on him.
AC is only 14, not looking good.
Two nat 20s.
- Oh no.
- What?
- And then-
- f*ck.
- Two nat 20s, one bite,
one, two, three, four.
15, 21.
This guy goes down.
- How much damage was it?
- The large attack did 14 damage.
- Okay.
- As he drops, one of them
hits with a bite attack
and gives him two failed death saves.
As they surround,
these two dudes are going to
rush over here.
Let me get a...
Iga, go ahead and give me
a perception check, DC 15.
- 16.
- Incredible.
You see, if you direct
your eyes to the courtyard,
blam, a ladder is lowered from
the roof into the courtyard.
- What?
There's more f*ck up there?
- Above us?
- Oh, behind.
- Above you guys, it looks like more.
Yep.
- Oh, no.
- Sofia.
- Oh wait,
the ladder is lowered in,
but no one's come down on it yet?
- No one's come down on it yet.
- I see.
- I tell everybody.
- So, you shout out that something
has been lowered into the courtyard,
but you see the defenders
have already sort of,
appeared outside here.
Sofie, your line of sight to that
is being blocked by that coffee cup.
- [Emily] Okay.
- [Brennan] That's why you're not seeing
who's over there on the roof
'cause there's a big coffee cup in the way
blocking your line of sight
to the rest of the roof.
- Okay.
- Or the top of the cart,
I should say.
Kingston, that's your turn.
- Great.
If I move to here, can I
make a perception check
to see what's on top of the roof?
- [Brennan] Yeah, give
me a perception check.
- Okay.
16.
- You look to the top of the roof
and see the following things up there.
Blam.
Two centurions and a large
squadron of ants up on the roof.
- Great.
- And they're looking to get
into that courtyard, it seems?
- Yeah, they're looking
to go into the monastery and slaughter.
- Okay.
- Great.
I look to Marty and anyone
who's around and say,
"Protect the monastery, I'll
take care of your friends,"
and I'm gonna cast Mass Cure Wounds.
- Yes.
- Ooh.
- And that should hit...
I'll be able to hit Cody 30 feet,
both of the c*ck, Sofia,
you probably won't let me hit.
And then I'll also hit...
I hit Iga.
How many do I hit?
- Marty's hurt, I think.
- Marty, I'll get Marty.
We're hitting six people.
- Hell yeah.
- So, you tell me if I can hit Sofia,
that's my first question.
- What's the range on that?
- It's 30.
- No.
With altitude, no.
- Great.
- That's the only reason.
- It's for the best.
Prioritize others.
- Hey, I know you want
that radiant damage.
So, we'll go c*ck, c*ck,
Marty if he's hurt, Iga.
Are either of the other
two c*ck hurt?
And Ricky or Pete, or Cody.
And then either of the other
c*ck or Ricky hurt?
- [Zac] I've not been hurt yet.
- Great.
- One of the other
c*ck is hurt.
Obviously the two that are
making death saves are very hurt.
One of the other two is injured.
Marty is injured as well.
So, there's four c*ck you could hit
with a Mass Cure Wounds.
- I'm gonna hit all four
of them, Iga, and Cody.
That's my six.
- Hell yeah.
Let's see that roll.
- Okay, you wanna see it?
- Mm-hmm.
- Let's do it.
We'll do it for the fans at home.
- [Siobhan] Do it for the 'Gram.
- [Lou] Okay, how about that?
- Okay.
- We'll take that.
- That helps.
- So, it's gonna be
16 plus five, so 21 to all of them.
- Nice, thank you.
- Fall back to the monastery, I guess.
- Incredible.
- Does it seem like that was their turns?
The centurion, they went on the same turn?
Them showing up was their turn.
- Yes, it did look like that
might've been their turn, yeah.
- Okay.
- Kingston, these c*ck are all back
to basically full health.
The monks leap up as Kingston (whooshes).
They glow with light, and they go,
"Thank you, thank you.
Hey, it's nice to know
the voice of New York
even talks for the c*ck.
Thanks, Kingston Brown!"
- Hey, if Kugrash isn't
around to do it, it is my job.
- Incredible.
Awesome.
Any bonus actions or anything else?
- That's where I needed to stand.
I think I'm gonna move back.
Can I climb onto the mustard wagon?
- [Brennan] Yeah, go for it.
- [Lou] Great, I'm just
working about ketchup.
Yeah.
- I hear ya.
- I'll move a little bit
under the mustard wagon,
duck underneath the bottle top.
- Cool.
- And that'll be my turn.
- Hell yeah.
Ricky, that's you.
- Okay.
I guess Ox is gonna attack
the one right in front
of me with Pack Tactics.
- [Brennan] Go for it.
Hell yeah.
- Does a 15 hit?
- 15 exactly hits.
- Okay.
So, that's two D6 plus four.
- Cool.
- So, I did 10 damage to the ant.
- Awesome.
- And he's still kicking?
- Yes, he is still kicking.
- Okay.
Ricky's gonna attack the other one first.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- First attack.
Does a 20 hit?
- Absolutely.
- Of course.
And I'm going to do
first level Divine Smite on that guy.
- Hell yeah.
- That hit.
So, that would be...
My bad.
That's a D8 on top of another D8
for Improved Divine Smite.
- Yeah.
- Plus-
- A first level Divine Smite,
so this'll be four D8.
- Four D8, okay.
- Plus six.
- Okay.
Seven.
Four.
11 plus six.
That's 18 damage to that guy.
- 18, he is not down.
- Oh, that sucks.
Okay.
I'm just gonna hit him again.
- Cool.
- Does a 17 hit it?
- Yes, it does.
- I think it does.
Okay.
I'll just do it again.
- Cool.
- Okay, so, seven.
That's 12.
19, 25 damage that time.
- Obliterated, gone.
- And can I do an object interaction?
- Sure.
- Can I take out the Peasant Sword?
- Yeah.
- And just slide it over to Cody.
Like, oops.
(laughing)
- Hear Emily laughing in the background.
- Hey, Cody.
- I was listening.
- Cody, I don't know,
your weapon's pretty cool,
I don't know if you feel like
using this for a little bit.
- f*cking thank you.
f*cking thank you.
The f*cking usable sword.
f*ck.
Just scrambling out from under a moped
and a giant sword scrambling
to get the Peasant Sword.
- Hey, Brennan, would you
say that all of this stuff
that's happened to Cody today
has made him super humble?
- He's been humbled.
(laughing)
- I feel like he's been pretty humbled.
- He's been pretty humbled.
- Yeah, he's pretty humble now.
- Don't give Cody anything.
- He's kinda always been.
- He lost every possession he owns.
- Yeah, that's some Siddhartha sh*t.
- He needs some time
to sit in it, though.
- He's literally
prone right now.
- He needs to sit in it.
He needs to f*cking sit in it.
- Incredible.
Yeah, you know what?
'Cause Cody has been very humbled,
but he hasn't been so humbled
that the Peasant Sword wouldn't...
He needs to be tested by the Peasant Sword
not doing anything
other than being a sword
and see where that leaves him.
That's the furthest step.
Yeah, Ricky slides a sword that,
hey, it works, across to you.
- Just crying and saying "Thank you."
f*cking thank you.
f*ck
- And as a bonus action,
I'll cast Sanctuary on Cody.
- Aww.
(laughing)
- f*ck.
- Amazing, amazing.
- Iga, that's gonna be you.
- With that humble way.
- Okay.
I'm gonna fly up to this Heineken bottle,
so I'm on the same level
as these ants up here,
and I am once again going to cast Shatter,
which I think will get all
of them and the ladder.
- Oh, sh*t.
Okay.
(Lou imitates blasting)
Yep, that looks just about right to me.
Okay.
The DC on that is once again 17.
- Yeah.
- These guys do get a plus two
'cause of their centurions being nearby.
And it's a con save, DC 17.
- It's a con save, yeah.
- 14s or higher.
Okay.
Two of the legionnaires make it.
And one of the centurions make it.
Yeah, go ahead and roll that damage.
- [Siobhan] Here we go, 27.
And the ladder takes all of
that damage, 27, and then.
- Hell yeah.
- Holy sh*t.
- The ones that make it take 13.
- Hold on one second.
- Thank you, dragon.
Thank you, I'm...
Thank you.
We've gotta sit down at some point
and figure out a language of this.
Whatever is good for you is good for me.
I just wanna make sure you're happy.
- Iga, you throw that Shatter down.
Boom!
Immediately six of the ant legionnaires
are rent asunder by the
force of your magic,
this thunderous smiting,
and the ladder shutters,
shakes, and splits apart.
You have prevented them from being able
to drop into the courtyard
on their next turn.
- Great.
- Yeah.
- Whoo, whoo, whoo.
- Nice, nice, nice.
- Incredible.
It is Pete next.
- Hey.
You know I'm gonna pop right here.
Oh, right here.
Oh, what was it?
Right there.
Okay, and I'm gonna cast Cone
of Cold straight on down.
So, that's 60 feet from me.
So, I think I get-
- Oh my god.
- Woah!
- [Ally] Everyone.
- Yeah, let's just see
here real quick because...
Well, here's what I'm gonna do
real quick for you, my dear dude.
If we check this out, we're gonna go...
Yeah, if we put an aura on you of 60 feet
this will give us an idea of, like...
So, that's 60 feet from
you in all direction.
So, looking at you there,
you would hit all of those ants down there
and both of the centurions.
- Yes.
And then I'm gonna use
Careful to not hit Cody.
- [Brennan] It's a
45-degree angle cone, right?
- [Zac] Oh my god.
- [Ally] Oh, sick.
- [Brennan] So, I think actually,
you can hit the ones around
the monk, miss Kingston.
But I think the two...
So, you've gotta choose,
the two on the far right you wouldn't hit.
So, you're doing a straight
line down from you.
- [Ally] Mm-hmm.
- [Brennan] So, if you wanna hit the ones
surrounding that c*ck monk-
- [Ally] Mm-hmm.
And leave off the two over here?
Yeah, I'll do that.
I'll hit the four around
the c*ck monk
and leave those two out.
- Cool.
Go ahead and roll your Cone of Cold.
Jesus Christ.
- Oh, crap.
Okay. (hums)
Okay yeah, it's eight D8.
- One, two, three, four.
- Whoo-hoo.
- See some eights in there.
See some eights in there.
- Yeah!
- Yes, oh baby, that is high.
- A cool 43.
- One, two.
- Ally roll.
- Hell yeah.
♪ Roll, Ally roll. ♪
- Okay.
- Con save for half.
- Absolutely bonkers.
So, the group of five
at the far extreme end
all make their saves.
The farthest legionnaire by the c*ck
makes his save as well,
and that's everybody who makes their save.
So, the two right in front of you
do not make their save.
The one right as you (whooshes)
call the cold of the
Dreaming, immediately dead.
This next one, immediately dead.
Just too close-
- Hell yeah.
- ...to the source of the cold.
This one looks very much on death's door.
- Which one?
- No, wait a minute.
Even with half, that one
is f*cking toast. (gasps)
- Wow.
- Which one was it?
- Wait, even with half,
they're f*cking toast.
It's the c*ck that have 22.
The ants only have 20,
which with a 43, oh god.
- f*ck yes.
- Two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
Blam.
- I'm like, "This is for Cody!"
(laughing)
- Please don't do anything for me.
f*ck.
- Dude, come on, I've never
seen anything like that, man.
Let me gas you back up.
- When I farted and fell
off my f*cking moped?
- Yeah, dude, yeah.
- Unbelievable.
- And then I scrambled crying to the sword
that Ricky threw me?
- Hey, no one saw that.
No one saw that but me, don't worry.
And Ricky.
- So many ants-
- I saw it, Ox saw it.
- Ricky saw it.
- I think these c*ck saw it.
- The c*ck definitely saw.
- You see, yeah, these dudes fall back.
Marty falls back in the monastery
knowing that there were
people up on the roof.
He scoots back.
And Sofia, that's your turn.
- Okay.
How many feet up are we?
- [Brennan] At your proportion,
you are the equivalent
of about a 40-foot drop.
- Okay, only 40 feet, okay.
So, pushing them over
isn't gonna k*ll them.
And then I'm looking over at...
I can't see because of the coffee cup.
Well, Iga has shouted out
that sh*t was f*cked up over there.
Can I peek around the coffee cup, see...
Do I sense that this gaggle
that I've interrupted,
were they going to where
that ladder was gonna be,
or is there another entrance
in the coffee cup, or something?
- It looks like they were the rear guard
of the ants that were going up and over
to infiltrate the courtyard.
- Okay.
And the ants that are going
to infiltrate the courtyard
do not currently have a system-
- To do that, correct.
- To do that.
All right, then.
I'm just gonna go ahead and attack
the sentinel in front of me.
- Cool, go for it.
- That's definitely gonna hit, hold on.
26 to hit.
- Hell yeah, that'll do it.
- That's 12 damage.
Stunning Strike.
- Stunning Strike, fails, he is stunned.
Okay, I'm gonna leave him stunned then,
and I'm gonna start going for...
And I'm gonna go for the...
Sorry, I was over here.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- And I'm gonna go for one of these guys
that's on the ledge.
- Cool.
- That's a 23 to hit.
- 23 hits.
- [Emily] So, I'm gonna
do 12 damage to him.
- Ooh!
- And then, can I Flurry of Blows?
If I Flurry of Blows, can
I use one of those attacks
to push him over the edge?
- Yes, you absolutely can.
- Okay.
So, I'm gonna Flurry of Blows.
I think that's maybe gonna miss.
Does a 15 hit?
- 15 hits.
But actually-
- Okay.
- This is actually just your athletics.
So, you're just gonna add
your athletics to this.
- It's actually the same, so it's 15.
- 15 either way.
These dudes are not super strong.
So, I'm gonna roll in front of the board.
This dude needs to hit a 14
or higher to not get pushed.
19, succeeds.
- Okay, then I'll go after him again.
- Okay, go ahead and roll that athletics.
- That time it's gonna be 22.
- He needs a nat 20.
Does not happen for him.
- Yeah!
- Okay, so then won't
he take four D6 damage?
- Woah, that roll.
- Nice.
- You knock homebody right
off the f*cking ledge
and he goes, (yells) as you,
(shouts) kick him off the ledge,
splats into the ground, and is gone.
- Okay, cool.
Not the most efficient, but
I just thought it'd be fun.
- It is very fun.
You're having a battle
and you're fending off
an entire squadron of ants on
the top of the hotdog cart.
That's Sofia.
These monks prepare.
These monks begin to fall
back into their own monastery,
following Kingston's advice.
These two are gonna go
after this last dude here.
And this dude has...
Oh, this guy's only four hit points away.
Blam, that guy is gone.
And these two c*ck monks say,
"We're falling back to the monastery!"
As they run back.
Ant centurion goes.
These guys are all still incapacitated.
This lone centurion looks
up, sees this fall here.
I'm gonna go ahead...
Kingston, you said you're standing
on top of the mustard cart, right?
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna roll a wisdom saving throw,
and I want it to be opposed
by an intimidate check from Kingston.
Let me go ahead and roll
their wisdom saving throw,
which is only a plus three.
Okay, 18.
Go ahead and roll an intimidate
check from Kingston for me.
- Great.
Well, you want it on the
board, or can I do it at home?
- Whichever you think you
would prefer from Kingston.
- I'd like to do it at home.
- Do it at home.
- So, I roll intimidate with advantage.
It's a plus seven.
- So, one of these needs
to be an 11 or higher.
- First one is a 10.
Second one.
Is another 10.
- Ugh, brutal.
- Two 10s.
- Two 10s.
So, two 17s.
These centurions go,
"Forward, forward, forward!"
These ones are going to rush
through difficult terrain
to go in close with Sofia.
This one here is going to
fall back to the ketchupult
and give it advantage on its next attack.
The centurion's gonna
make attacks on Sofia.
Hits.
- Which centurion?
He's stunned.
- The one that's stunned
and can't attack you, nevermind.
(laughing)
- Cool.
Those are the centurions.
Ketchupult is going to go.
Pete and Cody, give me dex saving throws.
- Is it with advantage, or no?
- Oh, do I have-
- If you're not wielding the sword
you no longer have the disadvantage.
- I am prone, though, right?
- Yes.
- Ricky did give me Sanctuary.
Does that give me advantage,
so it equals out and it's-
- I wasn't sure if they got advantage
because of the Hypnotic Pattern
on the people in the thing.
- Sorry.
You're actually just
gonna roll a standard...
He's canceling out the
disruption of the machine.
So, you just roll a straight
dexterity saving throw.
- I got a 19.
- I got a 25.
- You each take seven
points of acid damage
as you are hit with
another ketchup splatter.
Cody, it is your turn.
- Oh, boy.
Okay.
- Just try one more time.
(laughing)
- [Ally] I'm just
kidding, I'm just kidding.
- I look at the mess that I have made.
I need to just think for like...
I need things to slow down so I can just
sit in my room for like, a week.
Cool, okay.
So, we've got all these dudes down here.
The ketchupult, the only working one
is the one down here, right?
- [Brennan] Correct.
- I'm trying to click it.
Yeah, it's the one at
the bottom of the screen.
I don't think there's really any way
I can get up to Sofie.
I don't think we need to fall
back to the monastery, right?
It seems like nobody's getting in there.
- [Lou] They're all gonna come, yeah.
- Okay.
I guess the only way I can
really be useful here is,
I guess I will take the Peasant
Sword, and I guess I'm...
I don't want anyone to
get the Questing Blade,
so I bring it with me.
- Nobody can pick up the Questing Blade.
- I'll watch it, dude.
I'll watch it, dude.
- Are you sure?
Pete, you have to promise
me you won't lose it.
- I'll watch it, I'm not gonna lose it.
- Okay.
I feel like I can't
leave it, it's f*cked up.
I'm gonna carry it.
This is my burden to bear.
I bring it with me, but
I'm not gonna use it,
and then I will go after
this guy down here.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
Go ahead and give me an attack roll.
- And Cody just takes a regular-a*s swing.
But first, he'll do bonus
action, Thunderous Smite.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
- That is a 19 to hit.
- 19 hits, baby.
- Great.
So, if I'm holding it with two hands,
is it a D10?
- Yes, it is.
- Great.
Cody will do a...
Why not?
Let's try to get rid of a dude.
I'll do a third level Divine Smite.
- Ooh!
- Rolling on the damage.
- [Lou, gently] Rolling on the damage.
- 42 damage.
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
- You moped up.
- Ooh!
- Cody, you are bleeding, your jeans,
your shitty jeans that
a construction worker
gave you on the street-
- They're so big.
- Are ripped.
- And not in a cool JNCOs way.
- Not in a cool JNCOs way.
- Ride up in the crotch.
- You ride up on the moped
and this sword is just old and rusty.
You ride up and it moves
so fast in your hand.
You swing and decapitate
with a blast of lightning,
(whooshes) and decapitate this centurion.
Dead.
- Sweet.
Cody absolutely resists the urge
to do a stupid flourish,
and he just swings,
and he catches himself and
he shakes to stop himself,
and then he will take a second swing on...
There's another guy right there, right?
- [Brennan] Yes, there is.
- [Brian] Yeah, I'll
swing on the other guy.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- Ooh, that's a 19 to hit.
- 19 hits.
- Cool.
I will do a second level...
Or, I'll do another third level.
- Hell yeah.
- I wanna mess these dudes up.
Okay.
So, this one will be a little bit less
'cause I don't have the thunderous.
Okay.
- 23.
Hell yeah.
You slash this other,
(yells) this ant commander.
The last commander left over
by this final ketchupult.
After that, the legionnaires around
are going to rush you, Cody.
It's gonna be one, two-
- [Zac] He does have Sanctuary.
- [Brennan] Oh, sh*t.
- [Brian] Yeah, I have
Sanctuary 'cause of Ricky.
- Does Sanctuary continue to work
if the person with it is being violent?
- Let me double check.
I don't know.
- Three, yeah, definitely
three of them surround you,
even if they don't do anything else.
- Oh yeah, if the warded
creature makes an attack,
casts a spell that affects an enemy,
or deals damage to another
creature, the spell ends.
I see.
Interesting.
- One, two, three.
Cody, your AC's 12 right now, right?
- Yes, there's the, uh...
- You take 12 slashing damage.
- Okay.
- And then you take seven piercing damage.
Give me a con save.
- Okay.
Come on.
17.
- Cool, you are safe.
- Hell yeah.
- Sofia, what's your
armor class right now?
- 19.
- 19, cool.
14 attacks coming your way.
- Oh my god.
- Wow!
- Jesus.
- That is a hit.
- I guess I'm gonna Shield again.
I'll do my second Shield.
- You've got to.
- That brings your AC up to 24.
- Uh-huh.
- Sofia is a tornado.
Is literally in that - martial
artist of completely unarmed,
surrounded on all sides by people
trying as hard as they can to hit her
and cannot land a single blow.
What a dream.
These two that are all
but forgotten about,
sneak over and begin to
charge into the monastery.
That's as far as they get.
They're going through difficult terrain.
Kingston, it is your turn.
- Is there any chance I can use my action
to make the same
intimidation check as before?
- Yes.
Go for it.
But I'm gonna let them keep
their good roll of an 18.
- That's perfectly fine.
Yeah, I'll climb on top
of the mustard wagon.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
- Yeah, we'll climb up here.
Okay, here we go.
I'll roll 'em, let's try this thing.
Okay, not any better.
- Six.
- Here we go.
- Last one.
Nat!
- Yes!
- Yes, okay.
- 20.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Un-freaking-believable.
Kingston, you get to the top
of this shattered mustard wagon.
Iga has just been raining
down Dragon's Thunder,
destroying their siege weaponry.
Pete has unleashed fire and ice.
Oh by the way, Pete...
No, you know what?
We'll come to you in a second, Pete.
Sofia is on top of the cart,
looking over the vast
valley of the monastery.
(imitates banging)
Grabbing swords, their
commander's still stunned,
and Cody's just beheaded
one of their commanders.
You look to your side,
the closest ally you have
is still Ricky and Ox over here.
A bunch of them are incapacitated still
by Ricky's picnic vision to the south.
What does Kingston say to the
ants here on the hotdog cart?
- I climb to the top of this
thing and I'm just like,
"Begone, ants!
You face the disciples of Kugrash,
also known as Rat Jesus.
You stand on sacred ground,
and will meet only death."
- A booming voice erupts,
the monastery shimmers,
and on the breeze you feel a little dance.
(laughing)
- Aww.
- Oh my god.
- Aww.
- That's a good dance he's doing.
How do you do this?
How do you do this?
- It's pretty straightforward.
- Iga, you're doing great.
Maybe a little bit more.
- I'll teach my kids for TikTok.
They love their fashionable dances.
- On a nat 20 intimidation...
On a nat 20 intimidation,
the ants begin to sound a retreat.
The two ants in the monastery
drop their weapons and surrender.
The ones next to Sofia drop
their weapons and surrender.
And honestly...
Yeah, these ants drop
their weapons, surrender,
and the battle is concluded.
- Ooh.
- Incredible.
Pete, for those last two
spells you cast, though,
go ahead and give me Wild Magic rolls.
You're on one through six right now.
- Interesting.
It's a 14.
- One through seven.
- It's a 17.
- Wow.
- Pete is on one through eight-
- It would've been good to have it happen-
- Which is the highest I
think Pete's ever gotten.
- Yes.
- You see that the ants fall, surrender,
you hear the blowing of
horns off in the distance.
A white flag is waved around.
The ants in the distance
retreat, these ones surrender.
More c*ck that are non-combatants
come out of the monastery.
Marty comes over to you and says,
"Holy moly, you guys saved our monastery.
Thank you so much!"
- It's a beautiful place.
We could never let anything happen to it.
- It's all right, it's a
shitty old hotdog cart,
just like Rat Jesus would want.
- (laughs) That's actually true.
- I think he'd be really proud, yeah.
He'd really like this.
- All of you are brought in.
You see that the monks wait that night,
and actually show tremendous
courtesy and hospitality
to these prisoners that
not a moment before
were attacking their monastery.
And you see these ants shaken
by this show of sacred generosity
and of turning of the other cheek,
as Rat Jesus maybe would
instruct, we don't know.
The monks take you in.
A long feasting table made out
of a bunch of playing cards
put on little pizza stands,
those little pizza stand mini tables.
- Aww.
- Cute.
- You see they say,
"Come and feast with us.
We got a bunch of trash, some dog sh*t,
I don't know, f*ck it."
- I'm sorry.
c*ck eat dog sh*t?
- I don't know.
Hey, we got hotdogs, too.
You want hotdogs?
- I'd eat a hotdog.
- How long has this hotdog been here?
- I would definitely eat a hotdog.
- Two years? Five years?
- Can I do an insight
on if the oil that the
hotdogs are boiled in
is clean or not?
- Yeah, go for it.
- It's perception.
- I'll give her help on this.
- Yeah.
- Okay, good.
That's a 13.
- 13?
- Oh wait, it's perception?
- Perception.
- That's a 17.
- Any of you will be incredibly sick
if you eat any of this food.
- If you're immune to disease?
- If you're immune to disease-
- I pull a hotdog out of Cody's hands
right as he's about to-
- f*ck.
The ones at the gas
station aren't any better.
(laughing)
- That is not the reason to eat these,
that is the reason to not
eat the gas station hotdogs.
- It's actually super interesting.
- I think Ricky and Cody
being immune to disease,
you guys will probably be okay.
But, yeah-
- That does explain your diet, Cody,
that you're immune to disease.
- Yeah.
- But you sit down.
You see that one of them pops
a massive towering can of soda,
and that you know which is
in a can would never go bad,
so at least you guys can have drinks here.
You are holding globes of
fizzy soda in your hand
'cause the surface tension
is high enough to (slurps).
(slurping)
- This is fun.
I enjoy this.
- I haven't had soda in seven years.
(laughing)
- Ricky is high.
- Yeah.
- Ricky's pupils are like.
- Wow.
- Hey, Ricky.
- Hmm?
- Can you lift the blade?
Can you lift the Thirsting Blade?
Are you that hopped up?
- Hopped up.
I'll give it a shot if that's
just something, I don't know.
- I hand it to Ricky.
- I'm interested.
- What is the check?
- It's a DC 15 athletics check.
- It's a 15 athletics.
- Okay.
- You're just so strong.
- Truly so easy for Ricky.
- Yeah, I got a 13 plus nine.
24.
(laughing)
- Yeah.
It goes straight up.
- Pick it up.
Okay, that's enough-
- Just wanted to see that.
That's pretty sick.
- I'm a little nervous touching it.
- Yeah, so Cody, you
look at Thirsting Blade,
Dark Excalibur, Mega Genesis,
and now you also have the
Peasant Sword here with you.
What's going on with Cody
here at the c*ck' table real quick?
- Oh, man.
I think Cody has been thinking a lot,
but I think it's just been a day since...
When was when they were
in the dream world?
That was yesterday?
- Yeah, exactly.
- So, he's had his whole
f*cking world rocked in a day.
I think he goes over to Ricky and he goes,
"Hey, dude, do you wanna...
I know these other guys
can't handle these hotdogs,
but do you wanna go have a
bad hotdog in the corner?
'Cause I just wanna chat for a sec."
- Yeah, technically I'm making
today a cheat day as well."
- Good, cool.
- Ricky has also put actual sized corks
on the end of all the blades.
(laughing)
This thing is devastatingly unsafe.
- Yeah, no, I f*cking stabbed
myself during the fight.
- Sure, yeah.
- But yeah, listen,
I've been thinking a lot since yesterday,
and what we were talking
about with the katanas
and the stuff with JJ getting back
the cultural artifacts and everything
and me f*cking up this
ancient sword so bad,
and I'm just...
I'm a fake sword guy, man.
I don't actually know f*cking anything.
All of my references
are third or fourthhand
f*cking bastardized
versions of everything.
So, I still don't know anything.
I'm sorry for acting like I was
a f*cking expert on this stuff.
You and f*cking everybody else
has been nothing but super cool to me,
and you tried to f*cking
teach me to be a paladin
and all I cared about was
f*cking aesthetics and sh*t.
And when all you care about
is the aesthetics and everything,
you f*cking lose the
history of everything.
Not just Gladiator being
this supernatural force,
it's people doing f*cking shitty dumb sh*t
and not knowing anything and
acting like they know stuff.
I'm the problem.
This is the f*cking dream stuff
going into the f*cking real world, man.
My sword sucks a*s and it's my fault,
and I'm sorry for being
a f*cking d*ck to you.
I'm really f*cking sorry.
- Yeah.
Well, apology accepted.
I think that you really covered it.
Like you said, swords are cool,
but it's also, like you said,
cool to know where it came
from and respect that.
I think that's awesome.
Thanks, dude.
- Totally.
No, thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers to the hotdogs, man.
- I know you're more of an
axe guy than a sword guy,
but I would like to fix the Questing Blade
'cause I f*cked that up,
I think I can fix it,
and I think you really deserve
whatever f*cking magic is hidden in this.
And I wanna give him
back the Peasant Sword.
- Oh.
Well,
gosh, I mean, why don't
you hang on to it for now?
'Cause who knows how...
I think Ricky actually
likes holding on to the axe.
I think that's more ideal
for him at the moment.
I don't think Cody has
to use the sword or not,
but I think-
- No, I'm cool.
I just honestly feel f*cked up
that we just had this whole conversation
and you just gave me a sword.
So, that was just-
- Hey, I'm just not
gonna use it right now,
so if you wanna hang on to
that until you figure out
what's going on with the Questing Blade.
- Okay, I'll fix the Questing Blade,
but I very much appreciate
the Peasant Sword,
and I am going to do my best
to become a real actual f*cking sword guy.
- Hell yeah.
(laughing)
- I eat a hotdog.
- Cody, you hear Bazathrax
in your chest go,
"Dude, I heard what you were saying.
I think we could fix the Questing Blade
by adding the Peasant Sword in there.
I think the problem is
there's not enough swords.
Do quadruple sword."
- The power of the quadruple sword.
- Essentially a comb.
(laughing)
- Cody thinks about the potential
of the quadruple blade
for a moment and goes,
"No, I cannot give in."
- Hey, Cody, what are you thinking about?
- The devil inside me is trying to tell me
to add a fourth sword
to the Questing Blade,
but I know that that's
a f*cking stupid idea.
- Probably not a good idea, right?
- Yeah, that's a f*cking stupid idea.
- But the problem wasn't that
it wasn't heavy enough, right?
Or that it doesn't have enough blades.
- Paladin lesson number one,
you don't need more than one
f*cking blade on your sword.
Just the one is fine.
'Cause my sword was fine before, right?
I was doing pretty good.
- Picture me
as another tattoo on your back.
(laughing)
Instead of an angel and
a devil on each shoulder,
it's a chest piece and a back piece
that I guess both say "Redemption".
- Interesting.
(laughing)
That's f*cking rad, Ricky.
That sounds f*cking awesome.
I'm gonna get that.
I'm gonna get "Redemption"
on my back as well.
- You don't have to.
It seems like you don't have any money.
(laughing)
- Yeah, wow, I'm f*cked.
f*ck, yeah.
sh*t, well yeah, thanks.
- Cool.
- Thanks, man.
- Amazing.
As Cody and Ricky bond over in the corner,
you see Marty says, "Wow,
really happy to have you.
Yeah, if you need the three of us
to reach out to Kugrash,
we'd be happy to do that
for you, no problem.
Whenever you all want that
to happen, it can happen.
But we can reach out to him, you know?
It means a lot that you found us,
and I can feel it in myself
after you activated that, Ricky,
that part of you was keeping that alive,
that there are things that have
gone missing from New York.
And sometimes they go missing.
Things can always change and be different,
but it's good to pass
the torch, so to speak."
- Yeah, and I think it feels like
you're doing great work down here.
We can all just try to keep
Rat Jesus in our hearts.
- "Yeah, that's exactly
what you gotta do."
For all of you that are
sitting here as well,
you have this incredible thing.
Kingston, you look down
at that egg in your arms.
- Have we seen the egg yet?
- No, I think...
Yeah, go.
- You're allowed to be private-
- I just did the whole fight with the egg.
(laughing)
Lightning Bolt, egg.
No.
- It's like a Heisman Trophy.
- (laughs) Exactly.
Mass Cure Wounds, egg.
(laughing)
No, yeah.
What's going on with the egg, Brennan?
- I would say, if Kingston wants to roll
an insight or a perception,
he's welcome to do so.
- Oh, big time.
Great.
That's gonna be a 21 insight.
- I think Kingston is just feeling...
With a 21 insight,
you're just feeling very
protective of this right now.
And I think an insight check
would allow you to understand,
this being is an egg, and you're like,
"This is a dragon's egg, I
saw this come out of a thing."
And then you're like,
"Oh, but look at how
beautiful and cool it looks."
And with a 21 insight,
you also, I think, realize that this egg
chose to fight for New York.
It could feel the raw Umbra
seeping through the chest.
It could feel that...
Everything in Iga's castle
is all about the history of Iga's family,
and everything in that dragon
is about the ancient world,
and rightfully so.
Dragons have been about, seem to be,
magically associated with the past.
But you think about all the things
you never learned about the
Dragon of Bleecker Street
and how special it was for a place that,
on the scale of the
world, is relatively new,
to have a spirit that was helping itself.
And you think about those
New York minutes flashing
and how fast this city goes
and how easy it is to get distracted,
and you think about the fact
that someone somewhere
keeping a track of the story
of all these people matter.
You think about Pete learning about
the past Vox Phantasmi,
and you realize, you've never
once put a lot of thought
into who the past Vox Populi were.
There were people just like you
who fought important fights
for the people of this city,
and I don't think Kingston
knows their stories.
And you know that the Dragon
of Bleecker Street would have.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And I think Kingston is
starting to ask those...
Like you're saying, is asking...
I don't know, there's the opportunity,
he's thinking about, I don't know,
all of the time he spent as...
I don't know, I guess
endings and beginnings.
I think the beginning of his
journey as the Vox Populi,
but that being the end of the
Dragon of Bleecker Street,
and then this being the
beginning of a new dragon.
And I don't know, all of the time
he has spent being the Vox.
And I don't know, I guess, yeah,
there is a little bit of
historical significance
with regard to his own place.
Yeah, he doesn't know
anything outside of himself
with regard to his time in this role.
- I think as Kingston also is thinking
of endings and beginnings...
This is the tail end
of that insight check,
but there's also a question
that would occur to Kingston about,
this thing is powerful,
and you don't wanna disrespect a spirit,
but this thing has already
done a lot to save your city
from Null, from what is beyond.
But you're also, part of you is like,
this is a f*cking kid.
Isn't that what this is?
An egg is a kid, there's a kid in here.
- [Lou] Yeah.
- And maybe there's some
unfairness or protectiveness
around a thing that's already doing more
than its fair share.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I think this
is just one more reason
why this fight is so much more important,
and why Gladiator's gonna f*ck' die.
(laughing)
I think Kingston just
menacingly rubs the egg
knowing that the New
York that it grows up in
is not going to be one
defined by this company,
and its empty wants and its empty homes.
- Wow.
- Hell yeah.
You feel a coursing power.
And I don't even know if Kingston notices.
I think for the others there,
like Sofia and Pete and Iga,
you guys notice a meditation
from Kingston on this egg
and feel that sense of power growing.
So, you guys have
accomplished a fair amount.
You guys have accomplished
all of your short-term goals,
you've located these spirits.
The question becomes,
you know that, weirdly,
the box ended up being
a huge unexpected victory
because there were these two tools
to fight the power of
emptiness and isolation
and the power of forgetting,
both in terms of forgotten people
because now you have a
way of contacting Kugrash
and getting some of that wisdom and power,
and of forgotten times and stories
through this powerful Dragon's
egg that you now hold.
So, with the horror of fleeing from Nod,
you have quickly, in the span of a day,
turned that into
assembling a group of tools
here on the side of the waking world,
and I don't think are feeling...
Something horrifying is
happening on the other side
of the barrier between
waking and dreaming,
but you have got way more tools
on the side you're on
than you had a day ago.
You look at the feast concluding,
and I guess the question is,
whether you guys want to push
to try and get these three totems
and summon Kugrash as soon as possible,
or whether you feel an instinct
to wait longer to do that.
But you guys are all at the feasting table
as the night wears on.
Marty is off ministering
to the other c*ck.
"Hey, feel free to stay
as long as you want.
The trains run all night."
- Great, thank you, Marty.
- Thank you, Marty.
- What do we think?
Feels like a big moment.
- Right?
- Yeah.
It feels like, I personally
don't know quite yet
what we're gonna ask
of Kugrash, personally.
- Yeah, what would we ask him?
- Does anyone have a clear idea of what?
Or should we wait?
- If Kugrash is...
I'm just thinking out loud.
If Kugrash has become sort of,
he ate the everything
bagel and he's everything
and Null wants to be nothing,
is there a question there?
I don't have the actual question, but.
- But I guess, is it
a question as much as,
do we summon him in a moment
that we need everything?
- Oh.
- Ooh.
- Maybe we can ask him if
that makes sense to him.
- Yeah, it seems like the c*ck
will give us the ability to ask questions-
- Oh, it's not a one-time thing.
- And then bring in the g*ng together,
I think might be some kind
of larger, more momentous.
- I see, I thought it
was a one-time thing.
Okay, yeah, I guess let's...
Then, okay.
- Do we do it?
- Yeah, you guys want?
- I'm down.
- I feel like, let's talk to Marty.
- Yeah.
- Hell yeah.
Sofia, so, you all go and approach.
Marty looks at you and says,
"Yeah, if you wanna try to
commune with the Sacred Rat,
with Rat Jesus, come be our guest."
He gestures to some beautiful spaces
that used to be lined with napkins
and are now huge metal shelves
where you see c*ck
sitting in meditation
on the power of the Sacred Rat.
I don't know if everyone here
would attempt individually
to approach this.
I mean, Sofia, you know meditation
very, very well at this point.
So, you can absolutely attempt it,
but whatever it is that people
wanna do, they can do here.
- I guess Cody doesn't
totally know what's going on,
so I think he'll just-
- Yeah, same.
- I think he'll just help-
- Come on, Cody.
- Sofie.
Ah, sh*t.
- Cool.
- I mean, like I said,
I don't totally know what to ask.
Does anyone have a specific
question I should ask Kug?
Or should I just say, "Hey,"
if we think it's not a one-time thing,
and give him the lay of the land.
- How did it work when he asked the bagel?
I wonder if it's...
I don't know if it's the same.
- When he-
- I don't recall.
- When he ate the bagel,
he became omniscient.
- So, maybe he will know a
way to take out this Null.
- I think that that is probably...
What occurs to you guys
is, bringing those...
'Cause the c*ck here meditate
to get just glimpses of Kugrash.
If you were to bring all
three totems together,
you could bring Kugrash's will,
or a fraction of his attention
back here to this present moment,
'cause Kugrash is existing
throughout all time,
although time is, as we know,
partially being collapsed right now,
but Kugrash exists
infinitely in all directions,
so it's about taking this eternal thing
and directing its attention and focus
back to this present moment,
which is what those spirits
would potentially be able to do.
But if Sofia just wants
to reach out on her own,
the monks here do get glimpses,
so it's like, if you wanted to
check in, you could do that,
but if you wanted a big thing,
like what do we do to defeat Null?
That would probably be
gathering the totems together
to be able to do that.
- Okay, then I guess let's do that, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Does it cost us anything to
just try to catch a glimpse?
- No, I could try to do that.
- 'Cause I think the other one,
we would have to round everyone up, right?
It seems like.
- Sounds like it, yeah.
- Since we're here, I don't know, I would.
- I mean, we might as well
kinda lowkey pray to him,
or just let him know what's on our mind.
- Yeah, I'll take his blessing.
- Why don't we all pray to Rat Jesus?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Let's all get in on it.
- I'll take a moment.
- Prayer to Rat Jesus.
- Cody will take a pamphlet.
- Cool.
- He's at a crossroads.
- "Hey, we printed this on leaves
and f*ck' old store paper bags and sh*t.
It says what we believe."
- Look at the way I'm dressed right now.
I'm just a mismatch of
everything, so this is-
- "Yeah, you dress like a cool guy."
- Thank you so much.
- "Yeah."
All of you...
I'm gonna say, everyone here, go ahead,
we'll make a group wisdom check.
Everyone go ahead and
give me a wisdom check.
- Oh.
- 15.
- God, I rolled another nat one.
- Oh, no.
- I think-
- All I've been doing is rolling nat ones.
- Cody-
- yeah?
- What check?
- Cody has a minus two to wisdom,
so I think Cody is just
gonna try to be respectful,
but also he's just closing
his eyes and mouthing things,
but not actually praying
'cause he doesn't know what's going on.
(laughing)
- Great.
- I got a 17.
- 17.
- Me, too.
- Cool.
- 15.
- 15 from Pete.
- I got a 13.
- 13.
- Does that make it?
'Cause if it doesn't,
I'll use a luck point.
- What did Iga get?
- I rolled a nat one.
- Nat one?
Nat one's not gonna do it.
- No, but isn't it a group wisdom check?
- Oh, yes, yes, yes, it
is a group wisdom check.
Yeah, all of you...
Yes, actually, the four people
that knew Kugrash in life
push you all.
(whooshing)
You are floating in liminal space.
Kingston and Pete, you
both look at each other
and realize from your expressions,
neither of you are in
your home realm right now.
You're not in the Dreaming
and you're not in New York anymore.
A placid surface of dark
water extends everywhere.
You encounter a very different
kind of emptiness here.
This is the opposite of whatever Null is,
this is quiet, serenity.
It's the realization that
when you are calm and focused,
you're still connected to everything
because you are, yourself,
a part of the tapestry of infinity.
No more or no less than all of the things
that sum to creation.
Ricky and Sofia, I think
you two rolled the highest.
What are each of you
remembering about Kugrash in this moment?
- Him saying stuff like, "Ah,
sh*t, we're all gonna die,"
like that sort of vibe.
Curmudgeonly helping.
- Mm-hmm.
- I already mentioned it,
but I think I just see a montage of him
waking me up with breakfast sandwiches
while I'm passed out in the trash,
and yeah, and just hanging out with me
when no one else would.
- You feel an incredible presence here.
You are moving through this space.
As you move through this (whooshing) void,
and actually come to be perfectly still.
Murph, I'm gonna throw you a curve ball.
- Okay.
(laughing)
- Cody steps.
(laughing)
- Cody is the reincarnation of Kugrash.
- Murph,
infinite points of light appear
from the warm and welcoming darkness
and begin to coalesce as
something infinite and eternal
chooses to make itself finite
in order to show how much it loves
those things which move in space and time.
What do your friends see
as this image of Kugrash reconstitutes?
And what does a fraction
of the eternal and Sacred
Rat say as it arrives?
- I think you see...
It looks like a constellation,
lights like stars that form a giant rat,
but you can smell on the wind
that he smells like trash and sh*t.
(laughing)
This is not just a constellation,
not just stars.
My eyes are burning.
- This is a sensitive
time of smell for me.
- And then I think...
Sorry, did you say you wanted
me to say something, too?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
And then I think Kug goes,
in a booming voice, goes,
"Hey, what's going on, guys?
Just kidding, I know what's going on,
it's pretty f*cking bad out there, huh?"
- And that's all for this
episode of "The Unsleeping City".
Tune in next week as we say
"Hello," to an old friend.
Bye-bye!
- Oh my god.
- Wow.
- Yes!
- Look at that.
- Oh man, it's fun to be Kugrash again.
- Oh, that's so funny.
Yeah!
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08x12 - The Battle of the Hot Dog Cart
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.